author's note: If you haven't noticed already, I'm using names of real places in France - San Sebastian has a particularly interesting history.

The sky was a brooding, cold and dark thing. Nothing pleasant grew here – just empty ponds and fog swirling, poisoning the lungs.

And in the middle of it all he stood – a man that had once been my uncle, who now was just nothing but a shadow of his former self. He was a ghoul – a one-eyed monster. And he would stop at nothing to have me dead, to have me suffer for what I did to him. He had the gaul children tied with ropes around their necks, like nooses. He smiled at me, sickening and deep.

"Those children mean nothing to you. Let them go!" I said, calling out to him. But he did not budge, merely stared at me. He stared and stared.

"Oh, but they do mean something to you don't they?"

His grip on the rope tightened, and my eyes went wide. I began pleading with him – begging.

"No – not at all. Nothing – they're nothing to me at all."

"Really? Let's see if you're lying-"

"NO!"

I sat up, waking from the horrible nightmare I was having.

I could not let this go on for any longer. Enough time had already passed – for all I knew, the children could be dead now. I would not have him destroy something so innocent – not again.

Asterix and Obelix were still sleeping in the grass not far away from me – the sky was still very dark, almost pitch black. We had camped in the woods of Marmande, going against the advice from the villagers. I hadn't said anything, because the twisting roads would mean that they wouldn't be able to find me if I took off now.

I had seen these roads before, and had no trouble navigating them.

I could feel it in my bones, in my very soul – it was time.

But why didn't I want to go?

Why did I want to stay this time?

Obelix was sleeping on his back, snoring gently with his helmet tucked over his eyes like a makeshift eye-mask. Asterix was lying on his side, helmet cast aside. His expression in sleep was not peaceful – it looked troubled, worried.

Did he sense somehow, what I was about to do?

Without meaning to, I snorted – a sad sound. Then I carefully leaned over and kissed his forehead.

As I rode away from them in the night, I felt cold – even though the air was unusually warm. Our surroundings shrouded by complete darkness, but I had no fear for not being able to see.

The horse navigated with ease on the narrow roads, and I realized suddenly what name it should have. I stroked it's smooth flank, and it neighed gently in response.

"Take us through this darkness Ninian. Be my eyes for me tonight."

We rode for many hours, until daybreak came and we emerged out of the woods. Bad weather was coming on the horizon, reminding me so much of the weather that was when I first arrived at that gaulish village in what seems ages ago.

The rain was pouring down hard, and for the moment me and Ninian took shelter under an oak tree to wait it out.

That was how I spotted them.

At first I thought they were just bandits – they were heavily armed, standing in a small group, one holding a lantern.

But I was close enough to catch what they were talking about.

"-the short one hasn't even realized it yet!"

"Good thinking, disguising yourselves as a family in need – and they suspected nothing?"

"Not at all! Ha! I snatched the bottle when he wasn't looking – perhaps we should have a sip now before-"

"You dionysian oaf! You will not have a drop, it's for the emperor alone!"

Merde. Not even I had suspected anything. It seemed that the romans were capable of some intellectual merit after all.

Asterix has Obelix still remember? They will be fine.

But if Ceasar of all people gets his hands on that potion, what then?

Double-Merde.

I couldn't leave them with that bottle.

Sometimes you have to do something that either ends up being completely stupid or brilliant. I looked at Ninian and considered him, for the first time, in a different light. As an ally I could trust with my life.

"My friend, we are going to have to do something pretty reckless. You with me?"

Ninian craned his neck and just looked, and I felt his calm breath, his will to do whatever I asked him to.

The element of surprise is usually the best one when the odds are against you. I learned that when I was a child. So with a short yell I pulled on Niga's long mane, charging right towards the small group of roman soldiers.

Niga's hoofs crushed the lantern first, and then knocked two of the men down on the ground. I jumped down from his back and charged the nearest one still standing, who was unfortunately quick with a short blade. He managed to hurt my arm pretty badly, but I could take it.

Because I spotted that familiar flask at his hip, and I could not let him have it. I wouldn't.

The rain still beat down hard, and I had to blink away water from my eyes as we struggled – dodging each others blows, moving out of the way for the sudden stab with a blade. I was better at kicking and punching, which I did not hesitate to do.

This roman was resilient, and I was becoming increasingly wounded.

There were no words exchanged between us – the only sound was our harsh gasps and growls, the faraway sound of thunder making the sky vibrate. It was a struggle of live and death.

Finally my blade made impact with his belly – his eyes widening in shock and surprise. I slowly withdrew it, kicking him to the ground as I did.

I watched the light go out of his eyes, blood being washed away from my blade by the rain as if this had never happened in the first place.

That was how he found me.

"So this is where you are."

I whirled around, my body still shaking with adrenaline. My dark hair was plastered against my skin, trickles of red ribbons falling down my arm.

Asterix was standing a few paces away from me – his face about as dark and violent as the sky.

I swallowed and looked down.

"It's not what you think it is. " I said, and he laughed. But it was wholly without humor – a hollow sound. Hollow and tired. He stopped and simply stared at me for a moment before walking up closer, his dark eyes electric with anger. He looked at the end of his rope, and there were dark circles under his eyes that made me wonder if he had slept at all.

He took his helmet off and drew a hand through his hair, as if attempting to calm himself – but suddenly he stopped and his gaze snapped up to mine.

"Then tell me what it is Arabel. Tell me why you disappeared in the middle of the night, and why I find you here now, fighting over something you have so vehemently claimed you have no interest in? "

I blinked away the rain and attempted to explain.

"He was going to take it to the emperor in Rome – I heard them talking-"

But Asterix was apparently not in the mood to listen. He cut me off, throwing an arm up in the air – looking around at an imaginary audience that was not there.

"Why are thieves never honest? It would be so refreshing. God, and you almost fooled me, thinking you were actually a good person. "

Maybe if I had been calmer, I would have told him everything right then and there. Explained it so he understood.

A different person, a good person would have.

But I wasn't, was I?

I bit my lip and felt myself getting dizzy. I stooped down to the dead roman and snatched the flask from his hip and held it out in front of me. Then I dropped it in the grass where it landed with a soft thud.

My voice wavered as I spoke, and I had to almost shout to be heard over the storm that was now raging from above.

"You're right. Let's be honest. I'm just a hoax – a traveling shadow that muddles and destroys anything good. I'm not good – I never have been. I'm nothing. "

My vision was getting blurry, and I realized that I was crying. I stood there and just looked at him for a long moment – but he didn't say anything more. His eyes were on the flask in the grass, but he did not move to pick it up.

He wouldn't want to dirty his hands.

I started walking away and then stopped when I was standing next to him.

"Goodbye Asterix. You will save the kids – I'm certain of that."

I did not turn around to look as I rode away in the storm. Instead I fixed my blurry gaze on what was ahead, what was still waiting for me by the coast of San Sebastian.