–

Chapter 2
Hey, some days you wake up and nothing works, you feel surrounded

–

"You tell on us, you little freak?" Karofsky, Azimio and Strando had him cornered outside of the school and pinned up against a wall. He had his bag in front of him, afraid of what they were going to do. It was Wednesday and after the slushy yesterday he hadn't seen them. It was early in the morning and students were slowly filtering in for the day. They had grabbed him as he headed for the door and pulled him out of view. That was never a good sign.

He breathed deeply as he looked at them. "You already have blood on your hands, just leave me alone."

They shared a look and they both laughed. "Oh, you think we're going to just let you get away with that? We got detention for a week, and we have to scrub the gum off every surface in the school." Karofsky was in his face, his hot breath on Kurt's face and he made a face and turned his head so he didn't have to have the air and moisture brush against him in such a intimate way. "Look at me when I'm talking to you." Karofsky slammed a hand into the wall by Kurt's head, causing him to jump and turn his head towards the bigger boy. "That's better."

Kurt didn't know why Karofsky was there, he hadn't been the one to clothes-line him and hadn't even been present for that. He had however slushied him the next day but he didn't know if anyone knew that.

"We don't have blood on our hands." Azimio defended himself, a little afraid to think that Kurt was right, he had never thought about that before.

"You tormented us for months. You bullied him until he couldn't take it anymore."

"That wasn't just us, it was the whole school. No one was to blame that he couldn't handle himself." Azimio argued. "If he just stayed in his lane, we would have left him alone."

"Which is where you belong, you shouldn't be going around the school with your faggot ways." Karofsky continued. "If you two didn't flaunt yourselves everywhere, then we wouldn't have had to put you back in your place."

"So you want to make it round two by seeing if it was a coincidence or a direct result of your actions?" Kurt rolled his eyes. "I dressed 'normal' yesterday and you slushied me."

"Doesn't matter, you still carry yourself in that way and until your little Gay Club is disbanded, we'll continue to harass you." Karofsky snarled.

"You were picking on me and throwing me into dumpsters before Glee Club, why would I expect it to be any different if it didn't exist anymore?" In fact, he'd probably have less protection against these brutes and no more safe haven. "Haven't you guys realized yet that no matter what you do to me, I'm not going to be anyone but myself? And I'm not going to change or give in."

"We'll see about that." Karofsky bit back.

Kurt winced as one of Strando's fists hit him in his side. "Let's see how long you last now that you're alone."

Azimio winced as another fist landed on Kurt's jaw. "That's not why we're beating him up Strando, we're beating him up because he's disrupting the order of things."

"Same thing." Strando growled back.

"We don't want him to die or get seriously hurt or hurt himself." Azimio hedged.

"Of course not." Karofsky pulled Strando away from Kurt and turned to Azimio.

Strando looked put out, "aren't the two of you going to join in?"

"What if what he said is true, that we bullied him into killing himself?" Azimio really didn't like what Kurt said.

Kurt used their distraction to try and sneak away. He was sore on his side and there was definitely a bruise forming on his jaw. Mr. Schuester's actions may have been an attempt at punishment and was but had the opposite effect on things.

"We didn't, we beat a lot of people up and none of them killed themselves. He killed himself because he knew what he was, was wrong and that what he was doing with this homo was the worst thing he could do." Strando's words but Karofsky was nodding.

"Suicide is the worst thing you can do." Kurt thought to himself and when three heads turned toward him already a good couple of feet away from them he swore. "Shit." He thought he had said that in his head and he'd only managed to draw attention to him.

They started toward him and he took off running and they followed him and while he was fast, they trained and were catching up to him and they tackled him on the front lawn in front of the school where the other kids were coming in and Azimio joined in this time, he got a fist in Kurt's lower eye orbit and he cried out. Karofsky was in the pile but he didn't know if the ring-leader got in a hit or not.

Then more weight was on him as two other boys dog-piled onto them. He thought for sure that they might just kill him this time and they'd never, ever landed fists on him before but the detention really pissed them off and now he was in for it. He cried out as there was a tangle of knees and elbows and a scuffle and then he was freed from all the weight and there were two boys on either side of him, breathing heavily. Two more boys joined, blocking him from the three over-sized morons and he slowly got his baring back. It was Finn, Sam, Puck and Mike surrounding him and Finn and Puck both had red marks on their exposed body parts.

Mike had a black lip and he looked down at Kurt. "Ok?"

"I- I think so. Thank you everyone." Kurt slowly got to his feet and winced as it pulled on all the new bruises.

Karofsky, Strando and Azimio glared at him and the other boys. "They're just multiplying. Faggot Hummel is a disease and is just spreading his disgusting ways." Karofsky sneered. "Stay away from me, I don't want that virus."

"It's best if you cut out the source of the disease, burn it alive." Strando's eyes gleamed fire.

Azimio nodded his agreement and they were out numbered and disbanded. "Are you sure you're ok?" Sam asked grabbing ahold of Kurt's chin and pulling his face this way and that and Kurt tugged his chin out of Sam's hand.

"Fine." It wasn't completely true.

Finn sighed. "Let's go to the principle's office and report this."

It wasn't acceptable in the slightest and Kurt sighed and went with the other four boys to tell the principle of the fight on campus. Hopefully he would do more. The boys were suspended for a week and then would fulfill their detentions that Mr. Schuester had already assigned them the following week and it would go on their permanent records. Good enough, Kurt supposed, it was better than he'd hoped for.

Kurt called his dad and explained what happened before the school could call him and Burt sighed heavily, not frustrated with Kurt but that the bullies were relentless. "Why'd they even give me a break?" He wondered, he wasn't sure if it was harder now that he had a reprieve or if it would have been had they kept at him while he grieved in the beginning.

"They probably don't want to be viewed as monsters but their frustration and fear with something different than themselves is overwhelming them again." Burt figured and Kurt supposed that was true enough.

He was given the slightest of reprieves during that following week. He still got a slushy or two during that time but the physical abuse was gone. He still had to stop himself from crying as he walked down the halls and every corner held memories of the boy he'd lost.

–

Kurt laughed with the basketball player as he did a spin, he was mimicking his own performance on the court earlier that day. Then he pretended to dribble an invisible ball, a quick turn and a jumpshot and he made a "whoosh" sound as he pretended the ball slid against the net and Kurt cheered him on with both hands up and cheering the winning shot.

Kurt had been in the stands and had his face painted with his boyfriend's jersey number on each of his cheeks. The football players had harassed Kurt about it, wondering if he had it on every cheek but he'd ignored them.

His boyfriend had blushed and looked away but he was also incredibly touched by Kurt's outward continuous support. After their little imagined reenactment of the game, Jeremiah Lucas Oliver pulled Kurt to him and kissed each of his cheeks where the number was resting and then kissed him on the mouth in his happiness and excitement over the game and his joy of being with Kurt.

Kurt blushed and looked around but they were alone in that hallway and then he wrapped his arms around his taller boyfriend and had to stand up on his toes to reach his chin with his lips and Jeremiah lowered his head to give them both a little bit of relief to what they both wanted.

–

Kurt turned the corner and headed down another hallway, passing the library. He and Jeremiah had been in between the rows of books, some of their classmates sat at the round tables studying but he and Jeremiah were trying to hide their giggles and laughter as they kissed each time one of them found a naughty title to a book, or at least seemed naughty to their young minds. Jeremiah pulled one book out and started whispering a passage and Kurt looked around before pushing his boyfriend up against the stack of books behind him and kissed him then ran off down another row. Jeremiah had followed him and pulled him into his arms and kissed him again.

Another time they sat at one of those very same tables and kept stealing the other's book as they were 'studying' but only used one book between the two of them, their feet intertwined and their heads had been close enough to feel the other's eyelashes against their cheek. Jeremiah had been beaten up pretty badly after that when Karofsky had caught them together.

Karofsky hadn't hit him though, just Jeremiah. Kurt wondered at that now. Even when he'd been beaten up, Karofsky hadn't laid a hand on him, just got really up close and personal.

Strando had started it and Azimio had jumped in but Karofsky was only guilty of piling on and saying hateful things.

Kurt shook his head, what was he thinking? If Karofsky had the ability to hit him, he would have, he just didn't have the opportunity. He could have easily been one of those elbows for all he knew.

They had only thrown Kurt into the dumpster for that transgression in their minds. In fact, the athlete had taken the brunt of the attacks. He'd been slushied daily, tormented, beaten up and Kurt had just been slung insults at, told he was the reason the star athlete was throwing his life away.

It wasn't true, Jeremiah had been out since 6th grade and had never let that stop him from succeeding or doing what he wanted. He had fought and won a place on the basketball team and was cheered on by males and females alike of all ages.

It was only when Kurt came out that things started getting rough and even worse when the two only out gays had started dating.

They had always been friendly and it was Jeremiah who told him to stop hiding what everyone had always known about it. Kurt had stopped talking to Jeremiah for 4 months at that point and once Jeremiah apologized for pushing, they became friends again. It wasn't until Freshman year of high school that he finally told his dad who was super cool about it.

Jeremiah's own parents had been frosty about it at best and had made snide remarks in Kurt's presence before he was even out and he felt bad for Jeremiah and had feared what his own dad was going to do. He should have known it wouldn't have been the same, his dad had always been tolerant of his flamboyant personality and actions and had only tried to temper them before he was ready to admit to himself and others who he truly was; just to protect him.

He'd known that they hadn't been supportive of Jeremiah but he didn't know that some of the bruises on his body weren't from bullies but rather his own father trying to smack the gay out of him. He had been perfectly polite with an audience though.

Jeremiah hadn't had it easy though, he'd been left to shower on his own after games and practices and the other boys wouldn't change in front of him, ever. Kurt had been the only one who was willing to be in the same space as him when they were in the locker rooms but Kurt had been shy about his own changing body and had tried to change without showing even a little bit of skin, to anyone.

Jeremiah... Jeremiah wasn't like Kurt, he passed if nobody listened to him talk. His voice was not feminine in the slightest, he had a deeper sound to him but he talked about other boys as if they were meat; like most boys talked about girls. He never talked to or about Kurt that way though. He was a guy's guy in so many ways but he was also really not. He had a My Little Pony collection in his floorboards and he liked unicorns and mermaids and he was into things that Kurt thought were silly on both ends. This side of things most people thought that he, Kurt, would be into but he stayed far away from it. It was too far for Kurt but he never mentioned that thought to Jeremiah as he wanted the other boy to be happy and have the ability to express himself.

–

Kurt walked by the choir room and chuckled to himself. Jeremiah had attempted to join them for Glee when he learned they needed more members and that Kurt was in it. He auditioned and for once Mr. Schuester had to break his rule about anyone who wanted in, could get in. He was screechy and sharp and could not dance to save his soul. He could play basketball and do those twirls and spins in the game but he tripped over his feet when trying to set it to music.

"You won't have any fun just swaying to the music and truthfully we need people who can at least learn choreography if they put enough effort into it." He was thinking about Finn and Kurt when he said it, Kurt only had a few moves on his own but he could pick up dance moves when needed and taught to him. Kurt had a voice however and so that was overlooked.

"But I can learn choreography!" Jeremiah had tried to argue and with one on one lessons with Mike, he got marginally better. "You're right, this isn't fun. I'd rather just watch you, my sexy boyfriend." Jeremiah grabbed Kurt by the hips and pulled him to him. "Will you sing me to sleep every night now that I know how amazing your voice is?"

"Of course." Kurt had reached up and ran his fingers through Jeremiah's springy blond hair. "How do you get curls like this to fall so perfectly around your head?"

"Naturally. I don't put a single drop of product into it." He shook his head for Kurt's benefit and Kurt laughed and he ran his fingers over the strands, not wanting to cause them to fray and Jeremiah dipped down and took Kurt's hand and sliced it deep into his hair and against his scalp and forced Kurt's hand to curl into his hair, tugging on it slightly. "Don't be afraid to grab on."

"Aren't you afraid of going bald with someone always tugging on your hair?" Kurt teased.

"Only if you pull too hard but I know you, you wouldn't." He kissed the bicep of the arm that was raised with the hand in Jeremiah's hair, The arm was fully clothed with at least one maybe two layers on it but it felt like it was bare and Kurt shivered and his hand clutched around Jeremiah's hair more and he shuddered in pleasure in response. Kurt did it again and Jeremiah rained kisses over his sleeved arm until he reached Kurt's shoulder and then his neck and made his way up and across his cheek and then Kurt's lips.

–

Kurt sniffed and tried to drag back the tears that were wanting to leak out as he was attacked by the barrage of memories yet again. He had to stop himself from remembering every single memory each time he walked down these halls and there were always new ones that assaulted him. Sometimes he loved that he had forgotten these memories, sometimes he was thankful for another new memory coming to the surface as he missed Jeremiah and in a small way, it was like he was still there with Kurt because even though it was a memory, it was temporarily new for him. Then there were other times that he felt so devastatingly guilty that he had forgotten them at all. He didn't want to forget any part of Jeremiah, he didn't want any of those memories to disappear because if they did, then another part of Jeremiah would be gone forever.

He just wanted to get over this ongoing sadness, he just wanted to be ok already and even though he pretended, everyone knew better and he couldn't even hide from others' pitying eyes. Most people were frustrated with him by now, thinking he should be over it or at least stop dragging them down. But he couldn't, he had to wallow in it and yet try to move on with his life. It was a hard battle.

Jeremiah had been such a beautiful boy, both inside and out. He had gorgeous shaggy blond curls that just brushed his shoulders and the deepest darkest brown eyes Kurt had ever seen in his life. They were like pure dark chocolate and melted whenever he looked at Kurt and Kurt became a puddle just looking back into them. They were so deep and unfathomable but Kurt was willing to try to decipher everything those eyes held within them.

He was kind, funny, a bit of a jock at times but kind of a dork at the same time and smart, talented, brave, strong both physically and emotionally. He was everything Kurt sometimes wished he was and everything he could ever want in return. Kurt wanted to be more for him, to be able to be a match for him in all ways. Nothing had ever scared him and he always talked Kurt back from the edge when he was just about to pop off at the bullying jocks.

Puck had been part of the group and Finn peripherally, he had never done anything to either of them but had been there and hadn't stopped it. Mike stayed far away from it and Sam hadn't gone to school with them yet. Puck had been in charge of the dumpster drive and had tried to do other things too but Kurt had always managed to talk his way out of those other 'pranks' as Puck liked to call them at the time.

Things had changed with Puck and Finn Sophomore year as they were roped into joining them in Glee Club and Finn's mom married Kurt's dad despite both of their protests. Finn had to stop participating even remotely and even had to try and stop the other boys despite what he personally wanted. They had slowly begun to begrudgingly respect the other and even like the other with time and being forced to share the same space.

Kurt had tried to antagonize Finn by leaning into the 'gay' side of things under the pretense of changing his space to include both of them. He had done it for so many reasons, one in protest for their parents marrying and now he had to share space with one of his bullies, two because Finn hadn't hidden his discomfort with Kurt's sexual preference even remotely, at times even telling Kurt to be something different, do something different or at least tone it down, three because the tall boy had been the son Burt had wanted all along and there were probably a lot of other reasons in there too that he hadn't accounted for. Jealousy was something he was always working on and he had so much to be jealous about with Finn.

He had chortled internally when Burt had kicked Finn out for using the derogatory language within his hearing. He hadn't meant to get Finn to use it, hadn't actually liked the term or Finn using it but he had also been feeling like his dad preferred Finn and to see his dad take his side was more pleasing than he should have felt. While it was a term he heard often at school from the jocks and other 'tough' boys, he knew it was one of the worst terms someone could throw his way. Finn hadn't handled things well either and Kurt felt bad for pushing him that far and getting him kicked out too. He knew Finn felt that way about him though and it had confirmed what he had feared.

Jeremiah scolded him for pushing Finn to that extent and causing a rift between the giant and Kurt's dad. Kurt and Jeremiah had fought about that though, Kurt couldn't have Finn in his space if he was going to be prejudice and Jeremiah said that he'd never learn to be anything other than that if he didn't give him a chance to learn and be exposed to who Kurt really was. The Kurt that Jeremiah knew he was.

Kurt had been pissed because Jeremiah had been right and hated that he'd use such convincing logic to get his point across and win the argument. He had told Jeremiah as much who only kissed him to soothe his hurt ego. He hated that it worked too and Jeremiah only kissed him again with that response.

Kurt had reached out to Finn after Glee practice in the auditorium and Finn and Kurt had sat and talked for hours and Finn apologized for using such an inexcusable word, he should have found something less offensive to get his point across and Kurt apologized for pushing Finn that far and inadvertently getting him kicked out of the house. It had been the start both of them needed to slowly get to know each other better and they had a base now to grow from.

Then Jeremiah died and Finn put it upon himself to be Kurt's protector. Finn hadn't seen the need while Jeremiah was alive, he'd taken most of the brunt of the attacks and words flung their way. Kurt had heard them all too but he had watched Jeremiah and hadn't seen a flinch cross his face at any of the words and so Kurt strove to be the same. If Jeremiah could appear uneffected by the words and still be so successful, Kurt would be the same way but he always wondered why Jeremiah wasn't more offended by the terms.

Turns out, he was, he just hid it better than even Kurt knew or anyone could ever possibly guess.

Kurt leaned heavily against his locker and held his book bag against his chest for support. Tears were streaming down his face and he was not afraid to show them because he didn't even think about it, too lost in his own thoughts and memories.

How many times had he leaned against this very locker and looked up into those chocolate eyes framed by that long curly blond hair curling around his neck or a little too long and brushing his eyelashes? They had chatted about everything and nothing and they listened carefully and tolerantly when they had no idea what the other was talking about or had interest in. They always asked questions as they learned more and understood the other better.

They had talked about the heavy stuff too and had been on the same page, or at least Kurt had thought so. He knew all of Jeremiah's fears and insecurities and had been careful not to step on those but pushed when it was hurting Jeremiah and he did the same in return. They had known each other forever and only two people who'd known each other since early childhood could push each other in that way.

They were so familiar to each other and yet it was still all so new to both of them. Neither had had a boyfriend before the other but they had always been aware of each other and it wasn't until Kurt finally admitted to being gay to everyone that mattered to him that he finally began viewing Jeremiah as something other than a friend.

Jeremiah had known for some time that he was interested in Kurt and admitted it freely to the shorter boy. He told Kurt frequently how he had liked him for so long and had waited impatiently for Kurt to finally realize he didn't have to hide any part of himself anymore, especially to Jeremiah.

So Kurt had fallen hook line and sinker for the blond and they'd shared everything together, so many secrets were passed between the two of them, so many dreams and fears and likes and dislikes and annoyances. They had each other and nobody else really mattered. They made efforts to make friends with others and maintain them but there was always a distance in those relationships even if it seemed fairly open, it just wasn't the same. He and Jeremiah went practically everywhere together once they were together and only their after school activities had pulled them apart. They shared most classes throughout the years. They went to events and after school parties together and while they didn't always fit 100% in each other's world, they tried and were accepted for the most part.

Everyone viewed Kurt as the delicate flower in the relationship and maybe in a lot of ways he was. They'd all missed the very deep hurting that Jeremiah had hidden from them. How had Kurt missed it? He blamed himself and he knew Jeremiah's parents blamed him too. The jocks in the school had too even though Kurt had been probably his only source of oxygen while the others were trying to squeeze it out of them as they viewed Kurt and Jeremiah as wrong and needed to be put down. Kurt had given all his oxygen to Jeremiah and would have found more to give him had he known. He would have given up his last breath for Jeremiah to continue to live. He didn't mind if Jeremiah was sucking the life out of him, he wasn't, he was providing Kurt with oxygen too as they both drowned or were strangled.

It had been their fault and yet they all blamed Kurt for helping Jeremiah go down that path, for being his crutch, his enabler. He tried to fight back, tried to tell them that Jeremiah was that way before Kurt had gotten there but they sneered and batted him back down. He was always friends with Jeremiah and he had been the one they all expected to be secretly bent and it was Jeremiah who had come out first because he was the stronger one, had to show Kurt that it would be ok in the end. They thought Kurt's hidden side had rubbed off on Jeremiah and Jeremiah had been the gentleman, the savior and had been the one who had pulled Kurt to safety.

Oh they were right, but not about Kurt rubbing off on Jeremiah or the fact that they were all crazy for thinking that's the way it worked. It wasn't, not at all. But they were right that Jeremiah had been his protector, he'd shielded him from the darkness that had wanted to eat him alive. He had been the first one out and had convinced Kurt that it was ok to be himself and let others see it too.

Jeremiah had been his hero and now he was the antagonist in their stories. Kurt hated Jeremiah for killing himself, for giving in to that impulse and he hated him even more for never even giving Kurt the inkling or a clue that he was feeling that way. Kurt didn't know what he was going to if Jeremiah had told him even a hint of what he was planning or wanted but Kurt knew he would have tried to stop him, would have shouted it at his terrible parents, would have been by his side every second of every day and never let him do anything. He'd call the cops or hospitals if he had to, just to get Jeremiah the help he needed. He would have gotten Jeremiah healthy again, even if that meant he never saw Jeremiah again.

Jeremiah deserved to be in this world. The world needed him.

Kurt couldn't hold himself up any longer and sank down onto the floor and curled into his drawn knees and sobbed into them. Nobody touched Kurt or tried to draw him out of his grief, this had been a common enough sight and nobody cared. Everyone blamed Kurt and he blamed himself too but he knew where the fault really laid – all of these apathetic teenagers who only started feeling when it was to hate on something different.

Kurt didn't have his comments turned on on his social media site where he uploaded all of his posts or videos, his friends had his phone number and could text him or retweet or reupload it with their own comments and they did. He and Jeremiah had done it often enough with each other and videos they were both in.

Jeremiah had his wide open with no filters applied to protect him from the bulk of horrible things people could say behind the protection of a screen. Kurt never looked at the comments but Jeremiah was obsessed with them and would reread them a billion times, putting a different inflection on them each time and wrapping himself up in a knot. Kurt would talk him down even though he was never told what the exact comment was. It was a reverse of the comments spewed directly in their face and he looked on occasion just to see what had set his boyfriend off and they weren't comments on them being gay but Jeremiah's abilities or skills.

Kurt stopped looking, not wanting to know and maybe that was his fault, maybe he had disengaged himself from an area of emotions he just didn't understand. He had always been self-assured in his own skills and it had only been met with compliments and anything negative was vitriol by haters of who he was and not his actual abilities. He was mature enough to recognize that. He didn't know if the same was for Jeremiah, he had always been impressed by what Jeremiah was capable of and thought he was the best on the court, so maybe it was just haters trying to pick apart what he cared about because they didn't like who he was or who he liked. Maybe he just didn't understand basketball enough to notice if Jeremiah did have faults on the court.

He talked to Jeremiah about his feelings on the comments. He'd talked through things with him and Jeremiah had always ended up wit his head in Kurt's lap looking up at him and smiling stupidly. "You're so good at that, you talk me down so easily. I love you."

Kurt smiled down at Jeremiah. "I love you too. We do it for each other, you know."

Jeremiah nodded and reached up and touched Kurt's face. "You're beautiful." He laughed when Kurt turned beat red. "You really are and I love how you blush like this."

"You're horrible, you know I hate when I blush yet you always say something that sets it off."

"Telling you that you're beautiful is something that sets you off?" Jeremiah lifted both eyebrows lazily, he couldn't lift just one, he tried to train himself to do so but that only got him to be a little lopsided but both had to go up or none at all. He definitely couldn't lift the other one on it's own. "I'll have to tell you that more often then."

"The beautiful one of the two of us is you, Luc." Kurt drew his fingers along the edge of his temple where it reached the hairline. "You're beautiful on the outside but even more on the inside." Kurt was always floored by the ease in which Jeremiah handled things and how he was always reaching out to whoever needed it, even if they didn't he was there to help.

It was Jeremiah who blushed that time. "I think we both need to give ourselves more credit then." He drew his fingers down Kurt's jaw. "I love you so much."

Kurt bent and kissed Jeremiah then and the kiss started out sweet and quickly flamed to a much deeper kiss and then more.

–

Rachel was on her knees by Kurt and wrapped him into her arms and started rocking him. "Kurt, you need to stop this!" She hissed in his ear. "You're making yourself sick and worrying the rest of us."

Kurt didn't even hear her or notice that she was there or surrounding him with her arms. He just felt marginally more comforted than he had been but the tears still ran, the sobs still racked his body and he was oblivious to the world around him as he was lost to his memories. She kissed the top of his head and held him tighter, fear, fatigue and fierce fire in her eyes as she vowed to help Kurt through this, somehow.