In most mythologies, gods were powerful and revered beings. They inspired awe, admiration, or even terror in their followers. They were a beacon of light to their believers, guiding them towards a certain path. Above all else, they were beings worthy of respect.
Homura really wished that her best friend would act more like a goddess right now.
"Could you let go of me, Madoka?"
"Ahhhhh, Homura-chan, I was so worried!"
Homura sighed as Madoka continued to hug her tightly. Her memories were all fuzzy so she couldn't quite recall what had happened at the end of the incident. All she knew was that she felt a spark of hope bloom in her heart in those very last moments, and the next thing she knew she was waking up here in a bedroom in Heaven.
A pure-white, untainted Heaven. A Heaven that still had a goddess at its helm, that still rang with the joyful laughter of its residents.
She smiled. In the end, her decision to be selfish and save them both had paid off. And now that she was reaping the rewards of that decision –
She didn't know why she had bothered considering any other option at all.
"Hey, Homura-chan . . ."
Madoka spoke softly, her voice barely a whisper. "Did you really mean it when you said you wanted to help shoulder my burden?"
"Of course." She clenched her hands together. "It's not fair to make you do it all by yourself."
"Even when you know what it feels like? All the pain, anger, and sorrow pressing down on you . . . I'm truly sorrow that you had to go through that."
"It's fine," Homura insisted. "You have to deal with that all the time. Bearing it for those paltry few minutes can't possibly compare."
"My divinity makes it easier for me, you know?" Madoka said. "But you didn't have that kind of protection, Homura-chan. You bore the brunt of all the world's evil with only your grit and determination to keep you going."
"My Sacred Gear helped."
"Even a Sacred Gear can only do so much against humanity's infinite darkness."
"Even if I knew it wouldn't have helped, I still would have done it anyway."
Madoka smiled sadly. "Of course you would. That's just like you."
Homura nodded. "I suppose." A pause. "By the way, is there a reason why there's a great red dragon outside the window doing cartwheels?"
Indeed, there was such a dragon doing such acrobatic activities right above Heaven's gardens. Magical girls and angels alike stood around gawking at this unprecedented sight, only to scurry away under the dragon's baleful glare.
The goddess laughed sheepishly. "Ah, it seemed Great Red-san wanted to talk with us about something. He was just doing that until you woke up."
As if noticing that their conversation had shifted towards him, Great Red dove down and shot towards them. Madoka waved a hand, and the window to the room vanished, leaving an empty section that enlarged itself.
Great Red pulled up next to the room and stuck his head through the newly created hole in the wall.
"Ah, thanks for that, lass. It's nice to see people consider the accessibility issues for centuries old elder dragons."
"I don't think people have gargantuan dragons in mind when they design buildings," Homura said dryly. "Anyway, what are you here for?"
Great Red snorted. "Inconsiderate, the whole lot of them! But I just wanted to say that fighting the lass was the most fun I've had in ages."
"You thought fighting a calamitous, world-ending monster was fun?"
"Of course! That was the first good fight I've had in ages; it gets rough when you have no one to challenge you anymore, you know? Well, except for that other Dragon God I suppose, but she seemed keen on sending minions after me rather than seriously fighting me herself, which is a shame."
Madoka coughed politely. "I'm glad that I put up a good fight for you . . . I suppose?"
Great Red nodded sagely. "If you're ever up for another scuffle, lass, let me know, alright? I even got into a couple scuffles with the original God way back when, so I'm sure we could both learn something from our bouts!"
"I'll certainly . . . think about it."
Judging by the strained smile on her face, Homura doubted that her peace-loving friend would take the dragon up on his offer anytime soon.
"Oh yeah, I suppose I should offer my congratulations while I'm here too."
Homura blinked. "Congratulations? For what?"
Scaley red eyes blinked at her. "Hmm? Have you not noticed yet?"
"Noticed what?"
Madoka and Great Red exchanged a glance, and Homura had the sneaking suspicion they were keeping something from her.
"Nothing! I'm sure the lass will tell you when you're ready. Anyway, I better get going before that nagging Dragon God really does kick me out of the Dimensional Gap for good. Later!"
Great Red soared away, vanishing into the distance. Homura turned to her friend, a questioning look on her face.
Madoka smiled. "I'll tell you about it later, alright, Homura-chan?"
Slowly, Homura nodded. If it could be put off until later, she would trust her friend on the matter.
"Besides, there's more people waiting to see you!"
"Is it those three again?"
The door to the room slammed open, and "those three" walked in.
"Finally awake, transfer student?" Sayaka asked.
Homura groaned.
"Alright, I'm going to step out for a bit. Have fun with your friends, Homura-chan!"
"'Friends' might be too strong of a word here," Homura grumbled.
xxx
Madoka slipped away, willing herself into a nearby room. Michael was already there, his face so heavy she thought he might collapse under the weight of his conscious.
"Madoka-sama," he said. "I'm sorry."
She tilted her head. "For what?"
"For failing to protect you. For failing to carry out your last request. And most of all, for defying you, at the very end." He bowed his head deeply. "I know that mere words cannot make up for my grievous sins, but they are all I have."
Madoka smiled softly. He was always like this, always blaming himself for every little thing that went wrong. She thought it was admirable how he always examined his actions to see what he could do better next time, but such unwavering devotion would eventually cause even the most steadfast angels to falter.
But it was okay to falter. It was okay to make mistakes. That was something she had learned long ago, in another life.
"Michael-san. You have nothing to apologize for," she declared.
He lifted his head, eyes wide "But I – "
She put a finger to his lips, silencing him. "I may be your leader. But you are my advisor. You have a voice, an opinion that I respect. If my request to you is unreasonable, then ignore it! If my orders to you cause you distress, then tell me so!"
She leaned back, gazing at the ceiling. "My requests to you are not absolute. They will never be absolute. I am of the firm belief that people should choose what they want to do, even if their interests do not align with my own. So, don't feel bad about going against me, alright?" A smile. "I trust you to do what you think is best. And I'm sure that my other self was glad that you did so, at the very end."
Michael's body sagged in relief. "Thank you for your kind words, Madoka-sama. Father was rather strict in comparison, so the idea of going against the ruler of Heaven is rather novel to me. Perhaps a bit distressing too."
"Because you relied on Him for guidance, right?"
"Yes. He had a vision for the future, something grand and majestic that He was leading us towards. But now that He is gone, we'll never know what it might have been."
She smiled. "I'm afraid my plans for the future aren't quite so grandiose. I just want a world where everyone can be happy."
The image of a stricken Pope rose in her mind as she recalled the very first time someone had so openly rebelled against her.
"But even that future might be out of reach because I can be wrong. I don't always know what will make people happy. Because despite being a goddess, I am still only one person. I only have one perspective of the world, and thus I can only understand a mere portion of the people in this world."
Her eyes met his, firm and unyielding. "So, I need your help, Michael-san. I need your help to understand those I cannot understand myself, to bring happiness to those I cannot bring happiness to myself."
She held out a hand as she smiled radiantly.
"Will you join me in realizing this wish of mine? To bring about this small, innocent world where everyone can smile?"
xxx
Michael stared at that outstretched hand, recalling a memory from long ago. It was a memory of a darker day, of a time when the peace was fragile enough to be broken by a stray breeze, a time when the Heavens still mourned for their dead God.
Yet it was on that day they were given hope. It was on that day a radiant goddess stretched out her hand towards him and asked him such a familiar question.
At that time, he had felt uncertain, apprehensive. He had considered that maybe he was being too reckless, maybe he was making a mistake.
But this time, there was no such apprehension, no such uncertainty.
After all, she had proven herself to him. And now, he would prove himself in return.
He clasped her hand.
"It would be my honor."
xxx
Homura was completely out of her element.
What were these girls to her, these three girls who were once major fixtures of her life?
Were they friends? Strangers? Acquaintances? In another time, another place, these girls had been all of those and more. And now that they were part of the Law of Cycles, Homura wasn't the only one who remembered what happened in previous timelines.
So where did leave them, two parties filled with memories of lives that were both fact yet fiction? Should they consider every past life to be canon? And if so, then how did one go about greeting someone who was simultaneously a friend, stranger, and acquaintance?
How oddly philosophical of her. But perhaps, that was to be expected. After all, she had a change of heart at the end of the incident. A change that allowed her to see Madoka not as a blinding star but as a gently shining sun whose rays were soft enough that she could see the stars around her.
Stars like herself and the girls in front of her. Stars that were just as worthy of her attention.
Maybe she would make some genuine friends this time around, just like how Madoka had wanted her to.
But first, she would need to overcome her own unsociable nature.
"Hello, Miki-san. I am awake, yes."
Sayaka grinned and leaned in. "How are you feeling, transfer student? I heard that you took down the big bad guy all by your lonesome! Was he a tough nut to crack?"
Homura grimaced as she recalled the feeling of her head splitting open as her very despair crawled out of her body.
"I suppose so. He certainly gave me quite the headache."
"Ah, lucky of you to have an opponent that put up a fight. Slaughtering waves of familiars was no fun at all," Kyoko grumbled.
"Now, now, dealing with the familiars is just as important a job!" Mami gently chided. "I'm sure the distraction we created was quite beneficial to Akemi-san's group."
Homura nodded. "Indeed. We barely ran into any enemies on our way to the top of Heaven thanks to your efforts."
Silence fell over the room as none of them seemed to have any further comment on the topic. As the silence stretched on, however, Homura noticed that the other three girls were glancing around uncertainly, like they weren't sure what to do.
"What's wrong? Was that all you wished to say?" she asked.
"Ah, no, no, Akemi-san, we wished to keep you company for a bit," Mami hurriedly said. "It's just . . . well – "
"No offense, but you were always kind of standoffish," Sayaka said with a sheepish grin. "So, we just don't really know how to act casually around you, I guess?"
Homura paused. It was certainty true that she had begun seeing the other girls as mere obstacles to avoid or overcome as her time loops continued. And even when she had begun living in Madoka's new world and entered a tentative partnership with Mami and Kyoko, her relationship with them had been strictly professional.
All her interactions with these girls had been with some sort of business or goal in mind. So how exactly does she begin to act casually? To interact with them for the sake of interacting with them instead of for some underlying goal?
Homura had no idea. At least she didn't seem to be alone in that regard.
As the awkward silence continued to stretch onward, someone sighed and stepped forward.
"Jeez, y'all sure are hopeless at this," Kyoko said.
The girl tossed something towards her, and Homura caught it in her hands. As she unwrapped the package, she realized that it was a sandwich.
"You probably haven't eaten yet, right? So, here you go," Kyoko said as she sat down on the bed and pulled out her own sandwich.
Homura blinked. When was the last time she had shared a meal with someone else? Was it truly as far back as when she had first contracted and Mami had invited her over with the other magical girls?
To think she had been bereft of such a basic human connection for so long.
She took a small bite out of the sandwich, chewing and swallowing in the same motion.
It was delicious.
"Hey, Kyoko, did you swipe those from the kitchen?" Sayaka asked.
"And so what if I did?"
"I told you to stop doing that!"
"Calm your jets, Rookie." Kyoko pulled out several more sandwiches. "I got some for you and Mami too, see?"
"That doesn't make it any better!"
Mami shook her head in amusement. "Well, if we're going to be enjoying Kyoko-san's spoils one way or another, I suppose I should go get some tea to go with them."
"Earl Grey."
The three girls paused, turning to stare at the one who had spoken, surprised.
Homura was surprised that she had spoken up too.
Looking away, she muttered, "That was my request, Tomoe-san."
Mami smiled. "Understood, Akemi-san."
Sayaka chuckled as their senior began walking away. "Look at transfer student go, being all assertive in what she wants. Maybe there's still hope for you yet."
"You could stand to be more assertive yourself, Miki-san," Homura pointed out.
The other girl flinched. "Ah, you're never going to let me live that down, are you?"
Kyoko barked out a laugh. "I still can't believe Rookie let some other girl snatch her guy right out from under her nose."
"I – I was taking my time to think things through! That's all!"
As the two of them bickered around her, Homura felt herself smile. Was this what it felt like to have friends?
She felt her attention pulled back as one of them addressed her.
"By the way, I heard that you were going to school before all this stuff went down. How was it there?" Kyoko asked.
Homura paused, contemplating her experience at Kuoh Academy.
"It sucked," she declared.
Kyoko stood up, shaking her fist in the air like she had just been vindicated. "HAH! Take that, Rookie! Even Homura here agrees with me that school sucks!"
As their laughter echoed throughout the room, Homura found that she was glad that this was the future she had fought for.
xxx
"Thank you for providing me with such a large quantity of data, lady Madoka. I have already begun work on processing it."
Madoka stared at her AI assistant blankly, wondering what the heck she was talking about. "Huh? What data?"
"The data you provided a couple of days ago. Surely you remember? It was quite the stellar sample. Analyzing that devil's behavior and thought patterns gave me significant insight into the nature of evil."
A couple of days ago? Madoka was pretty sure that at that time she was preoccupied with being transformed into a rampaging monster bent on destroying the world. Although, now that she thought about it more closely, Yume had been with her when she succumbed . . .
Oh. Her newest creation had been sitting at the epicenter of the incident all this time, yet it had completely slipped her attention until now.
Madoka felt like a terrible person.
"Are you alright, Yume-chan?! You were here all by yourself for the entirety of that incident, weren't you?"
"I am perfectly fine, lady Madoka. It is easy for an insubstantial existence like myself to erase my presence when necessary."
Madoka frowned. It bothered her how Yume had referred to herself as insubstantial, like she didn't consider herself to be a real being. "Don't think of yourself like that! You're an important individual too, Yume-chan."
"I do not understand your concern about how I perceive myself. But am I wrong? I am nothing more than a voice in a machine, with no corporeal form at all. Insubstantial is a perfectly apt description for something like myself."
"If you're bothered by your lack of a body, then I'll just make one for you!"
". . . Pardon?"
The goddess grinned. "I picked up a new trick from a trip way back when. Don't worry, I'll have a cute body prepared for you in a jiffy!"
"I do not understand why you desire so strongly to grant me such a thing, lady Madoka. Being bound to a corporeal form would only lower my efficiency, and thus my ability to carry out your instructions."
"Because I am the one who gave life to you, and thus I feel responsible for ensuring that you live a good life." Madoka smiled softly. "Besides, I know another girl who only thought of herself as a tool for me. She's gotten better now but . . . it was still sad to see her throw away her own happiness for my sake. I don't want the same thing to happen to you."
There was a long pause, like Yume was absolutely flabbergasted by Madoka's reasoning. "You want me . . . to live a good life? A trivial existence like myself?"
"I do. To me, you are not a trivial existence, Yume-chan. I see you not as a tool to be used for my convenience but as another person whose face I want to bring a smile to."
Another long pause. Eventually Yume spoke in a resigned tone. "I do not understand your logic. I do not understand your reasoning. But if it is your will, then I shall obey, lady Madoka."
Madoka sighed. Drilling a sense of independence into this one would take a while, it seemed.
xxx
After socializing with the other three girls for what felt like hours, they finally left, allowing Homura to collapse backwards in the bed, exhausted.
As she fell back, she felt someone catch her, and she shifted her gaze upwards to see Madoka's beaming visage looking back down on her.
"Did you miss me?"
"Very much so," Homura replied.
Madoka chuckled. "Sorry, sorry. But I had some things I needed to do, and it was a great opportunity for you to reconnect with your friends!"
"Friends, huh?"
Despite her initial reservations, socializing with the other girls was actually . . . kind of nice. She found that she wouldn't mind doing it again. In short bursts, at least. Dealing with Sayaka's and Kyoko's antics was exhausting.
"I suppose you could call them that, yes," Homura admitted.
Madoka smiled. "I'm glad."
A tranquil silence enveloped them as Homura allowed herself to relax in Madoka's embrace. The scent of her friend, the touch of her body against her own . . . she felt as if they would lull her to sleep at any moment.
"Hey, Homura-chan . . ." Madoka said in a subdued tone.
"Hmm?"
"Do you feel any different?"
Homura frowned, finding the question odd. "Not really, no."
"How about now?"
Homura gasped. Her vision blurred, expanding outwards further and further as the world shifted on its axis. Something pounded in her head, growing more intense until with a final POP it felt like the world had snapped back to normal, yet for some reason she felt . . . floaty.
"W – What was that?" she asked.
"Check your hand, Homura-chan."
She did so, and after a moment, noticed something. Or rather, a lack of something.
"My Soul Gem is gone!" Homura searched deeper inside herself and found another missing piece. "And my Sacred Gear is gone too. Does that – does that mean I'm part of the Law of Cycles now?"
The goddess smiled softly. "You are."
She wasn't sure how to feel on the matter. On the one hand, it technically meant that she had died. On the other hand, it meant that she got to be with Madoka from now on.
Actually, now that she put it like that, there wasn't any question as to how she felt about it, was there?
Homura smiled. "Ah . . . so it's finally my turn." A pause. "But when did you save me, Madoka? Was it before I woke up?"
"I didn't save you."
"What? But then how – "
"You saved yourself, Homura-chan." The goddess tilted her head in thought. "How do I put it . . . instead of me making you a part of the Law of Cycles, you made yourself a part of the Law of Cycles."
"Then . . . when did I – " She paused as a sudden realization came over her.
"Indeed. It was at that moment when you took on a portion of the despair I bear. That burden was only meant to be carried by the Law of Cycles, you know? Only a goddess of hope can shoulder the burden of despair accumulated through the past, present and future. So, when you broke the balance of reality to help carry my burden despite all the rules saying you could not do so, reality had no choice but to make you a part of the Law of Cycles." She smiled.
"It had no choice but to make you a goddess of hope like me."
Homura was dumbfounded. A goddess of hope? Someone like her? She could barely interact with others casually, much less give hope to them!
"But if that's true, then how did I not notice for so long?" she asked.
"I was suppressing your divinity. Didn't want it all to overwhelm you when you woke up!"
"Then . . . when Great Red asked if I had noticed yet – "
"Yes."
"And that weird headache I had just now when you asked me if I felt different – "
"Yes. That was me allowing some of your divinity to flow back to you so you could have a taste of what it felt like."
Homura slumped backwards. Was this really happening? "I have a hard time believing it."
"Is it really so hard to believe?" Madoka leaned in closer. "This is a world where even a simple human can touch a god. If a human can touch the heavenly realm where gods reside, then what's to say that a human can't pull themselves up to stand with them?"
Homura chuckled. It seemed she had gotten a bit more than she had bargained for when she made that arrangement with Great Red so long ago.
"If I really am a goddess like you . . . then what happens now?"
Her friend smiled. "Nothing, really. At least, nothing that you wouldn't want. You don't have to help me at all if you don't want to. You could just relax and socialize in peace like the other girls in the Law of Cycles."
"Of course I want to help you!"
"Are you sure? You've already done so much for me already, Homura-chan. This is a burden I chose to bear of my own accord; don't you think you deserve to finally rest now?"
It was tempting. Very tempting to just accept Madoka's offer and rest on her laurels. She had lived too long already, dealt with the plotting, scheming, and fighting for so long already.
But she couldn't rest easy knowing that Madoka was still out there fighting to bring hope to someone else. Because if Madoka was the one who protected everyone else's smiles –
Then Homura would be the one to protect Madoka's smile.
"I won't rest until you do, Madoka," Homura declared. "Even if that day is eons from now, or if perhaps that day never comes, I will always be by your side, working tirelessly alongside you."
Madoka's face was downcast, silent. Slowly, her head lifted, allowing a small smile to stretch across her lips. "I'm sorry that you have to go through the trouble of this. But at the same time, I'm glad that I have someone I can share my burden with now."
Her face lit up, shining like the radiant sun as she clasped their hands together.
"Let's work hard together, okay?"
Brilliant white wings burst out from Homura's back as her full divinity returned, a gleaming black dress manifesting itself around her form, its undersides filled with galaxies of stars just like Madoka's own dress.
Her perception of the world shifted once more, and she found herself understanding and comprehending things that were once beyond her.
Everything felt strange. But at the same time, everything felt right. Like she was finally in her proper place in the world.
She peered down at the black gloves covering her hands. Black and white. Night and day. Hope and despair. There were always two sides to every coin, weren't there?
"What's the first order of business, Madoka?"
Her friend sighed. "Straight to business already, Homura-chan? Oh!" Her face lit up. "There's a party with the other factions that I need to attend. It's to celebrate putting an end to Qlippoth along with that incident, and I still need to apologize for all the trouble I caused. Why don't you come along?"
Homura froze. A party? She recalled the last time she had attended a party involving the other factions and how she had stood off to the side by herself for most of it.
Not exactly the most enjoyable experience.
"I'm not so sure about that . . ."
"It'll be fun! Come on, Homura-chan! Let's introduce them –"
Madoka grinned, a carefree, joyous smile.
"To the new goddess in town."
xxx
Post-Mortem:
Hello, and welcome. If you're reading this, either you finished the story or you were in shock at the sudden bulk update out of nowhere and skipped to the end of the last chapter to see if there was an author's note there.
If you happen to be the latter, then congratulations! You were right.
To be honest, I'm as surprised as most of you that this story got updated. I never really expected to sit down and finish this, even though chapters 16 and 17 were complete and just sitting on my hard drive for all these years. Why?
The ending.
Rather, the ending I originally had in mind was a depressing one. Well, depressing might be a bit too strong. Maybe bittersweet? It was certainly a far cry from the happier ending we have now, and I found that I just couldn't finish writing it out.
Fast forward a couple years, and I found myself randomly rereading the last posted chapter on an idle whim, and I found myself thinking "wow this actually isn't as garbage as I thought it was. Maybe I should finish this. But ahhhh the ending."
After that, I had a flash of inspiration. In the old ending, Homura didn't really learn anything and sacrificed herself in the end despite my attempt to convey themes to the contrary. In this new ending, Homura shows that she did, in fact, learn to be more considerate of herself after all the time I took to develop in that particular direction.
Now that I had an ending that I could actually bear to write out, everything else pretty much fell in place. I revisited the earlier chapters so I could refresh my memory on what happened, fix any typos I missed, and remove all of these goddamn unnecessary ellipses that old me seemed to really like to use (current me still seems to like to use them though _). I also rewrote parts of chapter 12 so that Madoka was less of a damsel in distress and so I could push the themes I was trying to convey a bit more.
So now here we are at the end of the road. Was this fic good? Honestly, it was better than I expected. I was actually impressed by some of the stuff old me came up with. Could it have been better? Oh yeah definitely. Especially considering all those speed bumps I hit along the way. There were probably a lot of missed opportunities and untapped potential I could've explored, but I don't think I have the energy to keep going at this point.
But most importantly, did I enjoy writing it? Were all those hours I invested into this story worth it? And after reading this story with fresh eyes two years later, I think I can confidently say –
Yeah.
I'm the kind of guy who writes what I want to read. And I found that I did enjoy reading this two years later when I had mostly forgotten what happened. So, as a reader, I guess I can say that it was worth it.
And if that's the case, then I suppose I can say that it was worth it as a writer too.
But that's just me. My writer's pride hopes that all you readers enjoyed the story too, despite the various hiccups and hiatuses that came along the way. Love it or hate it, hopefully you took something away from it at the very least.
Well, I guess that'll be all. Maybe with this complete fic under my belt I can actually convince myself to finish my other longfic.
No promises though. :)