A/n I was feeling depressed so sorry for the tone of the story.
John leaves Delmonico's with Violet. He helps her into the carriage and they drive home. 'You seem melancholy, my dear', Violet says. John smiles, but it is pained. 'Laslo is leaving for Vienna with Karen. I will miss my friend. That's all'. 'Oh? Will he not be coming to the wedding then?". 'I assume not. He will be gone 6 months If not longer', he guesses. 'How wonderful for him he has found someone to share life with. Shame Sara hasn't as well'. John turns his face to the window, not wanting Violet to see his watery eyes. 'Sara will be ok', he says, hoping Violet doesn't catch how his voice caught in his throat. He's also hoping Sara will be ok as well, though he's not sure of it.
They arrive at home and John helps her out of the car. They walk upstairs together and get dressed for bed. They lie in bed, both facing their sides. They hadn't slept together since he slept with Sara, as hard as Violet tried. He was thankful she didn't seem like she was going to try again tonight. She read he wasn't in the mood.
The next morning, John wakes for work and gets dressed. Violet doesn't stir. She never does. He's In his office when Hearst comes in. 'we missed you the other night when you didn't come for dinner for summer plans, John', he says. 'my apologies, sir. Was held up. Literally'. 'I see that', Hearst says. 'how is your neck?'. 'it'll be fine', John says, praying he leaves. 'this is much too dangerous a job for you, John. You must come work for me'. 'I'll be here until I have no choice, sir', John says. 'well, that won't be much longer. The wedding is soon'. 'Yes. About that. I told Violet last night my friend Laslo Kreizler will be out of town for six months, maybe more. He won't be attending'. 'Thank you for the heads up. I will rearrange the seating. And your friend Ms. Howard?'. John is caught off guard by the mention of her name. 'no', he says, trying to hold It together. 'she will not be attending either'. 'three extra seats. Wonderful'. Hearst leaves the office and John puts his head in his hands.
John gets home and Violet hears him. He heads immediately to the liquor cabinet and pours himself bourbon. She walks into the room and sees him. 'john! You've never drank as long as I've known you'. 'well that hasn't been super long, has it Violet?'. What's that supposed to mean?', she asks. 'we've been arranged less than a year. I've been sober a little over that'. 'sober?', Violet asks. 'yes, sober', he says as he feels the bourbon cool his throat. 'I was quite the functioning alcoholic after my brother died'. Violet is shocked. 'John, should I be worried?'. 'No. I just had a rough day'. 'well, that can't stand, can it? We must talk about it'. 'There's not much to talk about. Your father visited me and I told him three extra seats had opened up for the wedding. He seemed far too happy about it'. 'father has many important friends he'd like to invite', she says. 'it's not his wedding', John says. 'John, are you having second thoughts?', Violet asks. 'would it matter if I did, Violet? You're pregnant. I can't leave', he says. Violet is shocked. 'would you want to?'. John sighs. 'no violet. I want to be here for my baby'. 'but not for me?', she scoffs. 'I don't know who you are right now', she says and gets up. John sighs and keeps drinking.
Violet gets ready for bed. She tries to hold back tears as she dresses. She doesn't know what's gotten into him lately. They haven't had sex since she conceived and now, he's drinking. Was it her? Was she pressuring him too much? She knew the news of the baby was stressful, but she never expected him not to be happy about it. Maybe the timing was bad. It was too much at one time. She wished he would come work for her father, and have his own hours. He comes into the room smelling of bourbon and she turns away from him.
Their wedding is pushed up to accommodate Violet before she starts to show. John feels alone the morning of his wedding. Laslo is gone and Sara won't be coming. He drinks as he gets ready. He is careful not to get drunk, as he doesn't want to make a scene or ruin the day for Violet, or Hearst, but his heart breaks. He misses Sara. He can't get their night together out of his mind, but he also can't forget how she won't commit to him. He doesn't want to love her if she doesn't love him, but he can't stop.
The day is a blur. John is stoic through his vows, Violet an emotional mess. He doesn't remember much except the nonstop mingling. He grew up high society, so he knew everyone there, but on a superficial level. In the middle of the evening, he is pulled aside by Vanderbilt, who thanks him for his assistance of finding his grandson. 'there's nothing to be thankful for', John says. 'I was just helping Sara'. 'where is she, by the way? I thought she would be invited to something like this', Vanderbilt says. 'we have a…complicated relationship', John says, hoping he doesn't catch the sadness in his eyes or voice. 'You love each other', Vanderbilt says. 'what?', John says, shocked. 'you love each other. I can tell. I could see it in your eyes and I could see it in hers', Vanderbilt says. 'Sir, with all due respect, this is my wedding'. 'c'mon son. There's very few people here who aren't arranged. That's what this is, isn't it?'. John nods. 'but Sara also isn't ready for commitment, so I had to move on'. 'and if she comes to you one day, and she is, would you take her?', Vanderbilt asks. 'in a heartbeat', John says. 'God bless you, son. You have a long painful road ahead'. Vanderbilt walks away and John grabs another drink.
The evening is over and John and Violet head back to John's. Violet is optimistic tonight will be the night they will be intimate again but John is slightly intoxicated. They arrive to their bedrooms and instead of offering to help her out of her dress, John heads to undress himself. She has to ask him to unzip the top, which he does so absentmindedly. They both get in bed and Violet cries herself to sleep again.
Eight months later, Violet gives birth at home to a son, George. He is named after John's late brother, and when John meets him, he cries. Violet feels they will finally be a family, but Having a wet nurse, Violet does not bond with George at all. John spends a lot of time with George alone, and pretends George is Sara's son. It's the only way he can get through his day. When he's alone, he drinks.
Right before George's first birthday, Lazlo and Karen, who have returned from Vienna, get married, and Laslo invites John as best man. Laslo invites John out on his bachelor party. Laslo's friends are all intellectuals, and John feels left out. Laslo quietly observes John drinking throughout the night. When everyone has gone home, Laslo approaches him. 'how are you, my friend?', He asks. John shrugs. 'how do I look?'. 'terrible', Laslo says honestly. 'how is your son, John?', he asks. 'George is great. George is beautiful, George is wonderful, George is…'. Laslo can tell John Is drunk because he's getting emotional. 'not Sara's, Laslo finishes. John looks at Laslo, shocked. 'are you suggesting I would love my son more if he had a different mother?', John says. 'yes', Laslo says firmly. 'well you're wrong', John says angrily. 'if I'm wrong, why are you drinking?'. 'what?', John asks. 'when I left, you were sober. Something drove you'. 'my friends abandoned me', John says. 'no one abandoned you John. You knew where I was. You could have called. And where's Sara? When did you last speak to her?'. 'Delmonico's', John says. Laslo sighs. 'I think a reunion is in order'. 'laslo, please don't'. 'it won't be private', Laslo says. 'you're both invited to the wedding is all. What you do there is up to you'. He pays for the tab and leaves.
Laslo's wedding is a more intimate affair than John and Violet's. Intellectuals, but not necessarily the highest of society. John and Violet arrive and it's not difficult to spot Sara quickly. John prays she doesn't come over but she does. 'John! Violet!', she greets warmly. 'how are you? How have you been?'. 'We're well, Sara, thank you', Violet answers slightly coldly. 'I saw the news about your son. Congratulations', Sara says, a little more sternly, picking up Violet's vibe. 'thank you. If you'll excuse us', John says and leads them away.
John is getting a drink when Sara approaches. 'I fear for you, John', she says. He groans. 'not this conversation again'. 'No, it won't be the same conversation, John. This isn't your wedding. I'm not here to stop you. I tried that once. I won't try it again, but I do see your pain. 'what's wrong?', she asks. 'what's wrong?', he laughs. 'what's wrong?', he says incredously. 'what's wrong is you're selfish. What's wrong is you love me but you love yourself more, so I'm married to someone I don't love, with a baby I pretend is yours. That's what's wrong', he says as he gulps down his drink and walks away. Sara blinks back tears.
Laslo and Karen make their rounds all night, but Laslo saw John and Sara talking angrily earlier. He wants to get to at least one of them. He leaves Karen talking to a mutal professor she and Violet had, and sneaks over to Sara, who is alone. 'I saw you quite upset talking to John earlier, Sara. Is everything alright?'. Sara shakes her head and before she can stop, a sob comes out of her mouth. 'I ruined his life, Laslo. He hates me'. 'He doesn't hate you, Sara. Quite the opposite. He loves you with everything he has. He hates himself that he feels the pressure to be a gentleman and marry a woman he doesn't love, for the love of a child that he thought would solve his problems and they did not'. Sara sniffles. 'I remember Libby saying the babies never made the pain go away'. 'no, they never do', Laslo says. 'John Is trapped, and he blames you. He wanted you to save him'. 'How could I, Laslo? I wasn't what he wanted'. 'what did he want, Sara?'. 'a wife and a child'. 'and what does he have?', Laslo asks. 'a wife and a child', Sara says. 'and is he happy?', Laslo asks. '…no', Sara says sadly. 'John never wanted ANY wife or ANY child, he wanted YOU and he wanted YOUR CHILD'. Sara's eyes fill with tears. 'am I selfish, Laslo? Did I ruin his life?'. 'that remains to be seen', Laslo says. 'He pulled himself out of tragedy once out of his love for you. One can only pray he eventually pulls himself out for his child. Excuse me, Sara. I must return to my mingling'. Laslo leaves and Sara watches John, tears in her eyes.
Things get worse. John's drinking worsens, and Violet can't be bother by anything except her dog. George is raised by a nanny, basically. John dies when George is eight. A small funeral is held. Sara, Laslo, and his wife Karen, all attend. Both Sara and Laslo feel immense guilt. Laslo as the doctor friend who could not save him, Sara as the lover who rejected him. Violet approaches Sara after the funeral and Sara is shocked and surprised. 'Miss Howard, may I have a word?', Violet says. 'yes, of course, Mrs. Howard', Sara says. She tells Laslo and Karen to meet her outside. 'How may I help you, Mrs. Howard?'. 'Please don't call me that', Violet says. Sara is confused. 'we both know that was supposed to be your title', Violet says. Sara is shocked. 'I was not in a loving marriage, Sara. I trapped a man, and I will pay for my sins. My son, however, has lost a father. A father he believes never loved him'. 'Of course John loved him!', Sara says. 'he loved him when he pretended he was yours', Violet says sadly. Sara hangs her head, ashamed. 'I never meant to cause trouble for you two'. 'you didn't, Violet says. 'like I said, I will pay for my sins. George should be YOUR son, not mine. I took him away from you and for that I'm deeply sorry'. 'I wasn't ready for him, Violet', Sara tries to argue. 'he wanted George. That's why he went to be with you'. 'I think he thought he wanted George', Violet responds. 'a way to distract himself and make the pain go away. But it didn't. He still drank himself to death'. Violet's crying. 'I am so so sorry', she says to Sara.
Sara walks outside to meet Karen and Laslo, shaken. 'what was that all about?', Laslo asks. 'she wanted to apologize for taking John from me'. 'what?', John asks. 'I don't know. It was weird and bizarre. She said George should be mine and John's son, not hers, and he'd still be here'. 'can't argue there', Laslo says. 'LASLO!", Karen says. Laslo shrugs. 'its true'. Sara sniffles and they didn't notice she was crying. 'Sara!", Karen exclaims and goes to hug her. 'I killed him', Sara cries. 'no, you didn't, Karen says. 'alcoholism runs in his family'. 'not like that. I broke his heart. He died of a broken heart', Sara cries. Karen hugs her and motions Laslo to do the same. Laslo shrugs and wraps his arms around Sara.