When Ben got home after work, he tried his best to put on a brave face. His conversation with Zorii had left him with a glimmer of hope. Hearing that Rey shared such intimate details about their relationship let him ignorantly believe that maybe everything was going to be ok. Zorii and him seemed to be kindred spirits, both suffering over their own respective loved ones. She wanted her Alpha to settle down, and a chance to call the woman her girlfriend.
Ben wanted Rey forever.
Not quite the same, but most certainly in the same ballpark.
He didn't manage to beat Rey home, and was disappointed when he walked through the front door to find a box sitting on the kitchen island. One peek inside confirmed his worst fears. Rey's few lone kitchen objects filled the inside. Her beloved colored mason jars, her favorite instant ramen bowl that Finn had gifted her after a trip to Japan, and perhaps most devastatingly, the Scooby Doo mug he gave her so many years ago.
When she told him she was moving out, he believed her—he really did—but the news hadn't processed yet. It seemed like a bad dream, or a shitty intermission to a dramatic production. But at the sight of the box slowly but surely being filled, he realized the devastating truth.
Rey was leaving him.
Before he could react, Rey strolled into the kitchen, dressed in her favorite oversized t-shirt. It was one that she had stolen from Ben during their college years, and while it used to bring him great joy to see her in it, now, it only served to break his heart further.
He stared at her, unsure what to say. Rey did the same, her mouth falling open slightly. Her scent soured, like something was causing her great displeasure. Apparently even his presence was upsetting her now.
Instead of saying hello, or asking about her day, he needed to rip the band aid off. The first step to his love confession. "I got coffee with Zorii today." He began, watching her every movement, "She was great. Really nice."
Rey just stared at him, her hazel eyes wide. Her scent shifted further, filling the air with the putrid essence of jealousy and anger. He couldn't help but clench his fists. He knew she was emotionally vulnerable and still processing her designation, but he simply didn't know what to do.
He felt damned no matter what he did. If he ran to her, she rejected him.
If he tried to move on—as she asked—he was met with a set of sad hazel eyes and the scent of hatred.
"That's great." Rey muttered, still staring at him with those big hazel eyes, "I thought you two would be a good fit."
Ben nodded and pursed his lips. "Right. Is that why you smell so…"
Her gaze darkened. "Why I smell so what, Ben?"
He cleared his throat. He didn't want to start a fight. His goal for the evening was to admit how desperately he loved her. But something inside him begged to throw his frustration in her face. It was a biological urge he couldn't ignore. Like an Alpha taunting a new mate in the face of the one who had snubbed him before.
"You smell angry."
Rey stepped forward, her eyes furious. "Don't you dare use my scent against me!"
Ben just shook his head. He was so tired. Of everything. Of fighting and suffering. He took a step forward. "Rey—"
Immediately, she tensed, her eyes blowing open. Her nostrils twitched as she smelled him. Her furious eyes only seemed to darken, taking on a dangerous quality he had never seen before. Rey was always happy. Sunny, like her namesake. But now, standing before him, she looked livid.
Her putrid scent had become downright unbearable.
"It smells like your date was incredible," She spat out, her eyes dropping to his gland, "Just fucking great based on her scent clinging to every inch of your body."
His comforting words—the ones where he'd promise they did nothing but hug—were on the tip of his tongue. But there was something about her furious eyes that told him not to correct her. A devilish voice in his head—the dark part of his alpha—roared for him to make her angry.
Make Omega see what she's missing.
The words were out of his mouth before he could contemplate the damage. "It was incredible. In fact, we have another date tomorrow." When her face fell, and she stepped backwards, he couldn't help but push the dagger in deeper. His Alpha was roaring. "If things go well, I may even bring her home for a night cap."
It was all bullshit—his words, his childish behavior—all of it. But he had no regrets. Not when for once, she seemed to be as hurt as he felt.
They stared at each other for a few moments, no words spoken. Her scent—and the sadness in her eyes—was the only confirmation he needed.
Ben took a step backwards and shook his head. Evidently, tonight wasn't going to go as planned. He glanced at the cardboard box on the counter and clenched his fists. "Try not to make too much noise while you're packing." He spat out, uncaring anymore about how cruel his voice had become, "I'll need to rest up for my date tomorrow."
When he glanced back to Rey, she hadn't moved, nor looked away from him. His Alpha was struggling between wanting to tug her into his arms and sink his teeth into her, and hiding away so that this Omega couldn't hurt him anymore.
He didn't want to be selfish. He knew Rey was hurting.
But he was fucking hurting too.
Ben took one last look at her. She stood rooted to the floor, staring at him with those big hazel eyes. He cleared his throat. "Goodnight, Rey."
When he disappeared into his bedroom, there was a finality to his words that he didn't like.
For the first time since he was sixteen years old, he cried himself to sleep.
-x-x-x-
Rey didn't go to work the next day. She wondered if her boss would be angry, given that her heat—and thus her last sick days—weren't that far in the past. But she didn't care. She couldn't care.
Her energy was focused elsewhere.
She hadn't slept the night before. The scent of another omega clinging to every inch of Ben's body had left her weak kneed and feeling nauseous. Things only got worse when she learned that not only had their date gone spectacularly, but they already had another in the books.
One that could see said Omega in their apartment.
In her and Ben's nest.
She spent the evening buried under her blankets, alternating between hysterical sobs and hyperventilating. It was all her fault too. She pushed Ben away. She introduced him to Zorii.
Why was she so intent on hurting herself?
She didn't know how to be an omega. Not in the slightest. She didn't know how to be a good mate, or build the best nest, or cater to her alpha's needs, or how to prepare for eventual pups. She knew nothing. She wasn't ready for anything.
Yet, at the same time, her desire to protect Ben and to see him afforded the best things in life—happiness in the form of a perfect omega—had just proven to shatter her own existence. Who was she without Ben? He had been a constant in her life—frankly, her other half. How could she survive without him?
She thought back to the words of Finn and Poe and Rose and literally everyone in her life.
How would she handle seeing him mated to another Omega?
She couldn't do it. Her entire sick day was spent in a fit of sobs, or depressed eating of cereal and ramen, or cuddling the living room blanket that smelled like Ben.
It was during her second bowl of cereal, wrapped tightly in that blanket, that Rey got an idea. A really bad one, in fact. But she didn't care. If Ben planned on bringing an Omega home, she had every intention of making sure her territory was known.
It took a little bit of time—nearly two hours in fact—but by mid-afternoon, her task was finished. The place reeked of her. From the blankets on the couch, to the hand towels, to every article of Ben's clothing…
She marked it all.
Everything was hers.
-x-x-x-
It wasn't a good day for Ben. He managed to struggle through his morning routine—his early wake up call, his trip to the gym, time at his favorite café for a cup of coffee—but it wasn't easy. He didn't typically see Rey in the mornings, just by virtue of their vastly different schedules, but he usually heard from her. They'd send text messages or emails of stupid memes or interesting articles or just a friendly message about having a good day.
There was silence between them. He didn't expect otherwise, but it hurt. Ben could reach out, but after their nasty argument the day before, he just didn't have it in him.
He was slowly losing his best friend—the woman he was in love with—and it was killing him.
Complete destruction.
Work wasn't any easier. Hux was on a raw nerve the entire day, which made Ben's usual tasks just that much harder. When he was finally done for the day, he was thrilled for the freedom, until he remembered his date.
Well, not date, but plans, nonetheless. And he liked Zorii—he really did—but the last thing he wanted to be doing was grabbing coffee with her. Even if she had been nothing but supportive and just needed some help, he selfishly had no desire to get involved.
But he said he would. So, he did.
They shared a kettle of tea and some sandwiches while Ben walked her through drafting a contract. She discussed her budding business and her hopes and dream. Ben talked about Rey.
It always came back to Rey.
He felt marginally better when they wrapped up. Zorii wished him the best and promised that everything would work out somehow. "People seem to think our designations—our biology—is a weakness," she explained earlier, busy refilling their cups with freshly brewed green tea, "But I disagree. I think we're so lucky that our bodies literally know who's right for us and who isn't. I mean, isn't that incredible? Your heart and your brain and your nose and every one of your senses just knows who the right person is for you. It's like magic. A fairytale. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
Her idyllic words followed him the entire drive back to his apartment. He didn't know what was waiting for him on the other side of the door. He didn't know if Rey would still be there. He certainly hoped so. Maybe, after the hurt they both so clearly felt yesterday, she'd be willing to open up.
But he wasn't willing to get his hopes up.
When he made it to their front door, his brief case in one hand and a brown bag from the café in the other, he wondered why he couldn't ever get her off his mind. Here they were in the biggest—practically the only—fight of their friendship, and he still showed up with a chocolate donut for her insatiable appetite.
Thinking about Rey was like second nature.
It was like breathing.
Ben didn't know if he could forget how to breath. He was biologically wired to know how. Through his mouth, through his nose…
Without breathing, he couldn't live.
He felt the same about Rey.
It took him a few tries, but he finally managed to shove open the door. Once inside, he dropped his brief case and the donut bag to the counter, before looking around. Rey was nowhere in sight—although based on her favorite water bottle in the sink, he knew she was still there—and yet, despite her absence, the entire place reeked of her.
Ever since Rey had presented, the place always smelled like her, just as it smelled like him. But tonight, was different. Tonight, it was as strong as a heat stench.
But it wasn't the smell of a heat. It was her normal scent, albeit more distressed.
Ben moved to the living room. Her smell was everywhere. One by one, he lifted each of their blankets and throw pillows to his nose, inhaling her honeyed scent. He wanted to swallow it whole, but that wasn't what this was about.
Stepping away from the couch, he moved to his bedroom. With every step he took, her scent just seemed to get stronger. When he finally managed to open his bedroom door, he was met with proof of his own dark, twisted fantasy.
Ben blasted through his room like the Tasmanian devil, checking every surface for evidence of her deed. Everything smelled like her. His blankets, pillows, sheets, towels, clothes—his everything smelled of distressed Omega.
Rey scented his things.
Rey rubbed her delicious essence across every inch of their apartment like a jealous suitor. A distraught lover. A protective mate.
He stumbled out of his bedroom, one of his sweatshirts clasped in his hands. He didn't know what to say or to think. Nothing was making sense to him anymore. Thankfully, before he could spiral into an internal panic, Rey appeared from her bedroom, her head hung low.
Omega is sad. MAKE OMEGA HAPPY!
"Is Zorii here?" She asked, her voice clipped. He took a moment to look at her, not wanting to get caught up in the sight of her again wearing one of his shirts. It was unfair how easily she could distract him.
Ben held out the sweatshirt. "What is this about?"
Rey glanced at the outstretched fabric and shrugged. "Is Zorii here?"
"Obviously she's not. Answer the question."
She shrugged again, acting like a petulant child. "Why isn't she here? Since she's so perfect, I assumed you two had a long night ahead."
Ben clenched the black fabric into his fist. He needed to remain calm. Getting upset would do him no good. "Rey, for the love of all that is good, answer me." He was moments away from cracking and giving her an Alpha command, but he really didn't want to.
Not to an Omega who didn't seem to want him.
Or at least claimed not to before she scented every one of his belongings.
Rey just stared at him, her hazel doe-eyed gaze taunting the depths of his soul and the strength of his heart. Every second she didn't speak felt like a moment closer to death. The more she ignored him, offering him nothing but silence, was another step closer to his eventual suffocation.
Being with Rey was akin to breathing.
Ben closed his eyes, desperate to keep the tears at bay. "I can't do this Rey. I really fucking can't." She said nothing in response. In fact, the only reason he knew she hadn't disappeared was because her scent was spiking again. Hints of melancholy and defeat flowed through the air, like remnants of a battle long lost.
"I love you. Ok? I love you so fucking much," He pleaded, finally opening his eyes to meet those soul-crushing hazel orbs, "I loved you when you were a child, and I loved you when you were a Beta, and I love you now that you're an Omega. Don't you get that?"
Looking at her, especially as she said nothing in return, was making him nauseous. But there were words he needed to get out. Things he needed to say. Then, if she still wanted to leave, he'd let her.
It would probably kill him, but he'd let her go.
He'd do anything for Rey.
That much had never changed.
"I love every part of you. But you're hurting me, ok? Just like I know this is hurting you. You're pushing me away, and setting me up with other omegas, but then you're scenting my stuff? I don't get it." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, his nerves on fire. "I know you're scared and worried about the future. But we can do this together."
His words finally seemed to awaken something in her. He watched as her eyes filled with tears and her lips began to quiver. He hated watching her cry. It physically pained him.
"We can't. I can't be what you need, Ben. If I wasn't an omega, we wouldn't even be able to be together—"
He rushed towards her, his hands grabbing her arms. "Exactly!" He cried out, a traitorous tear slipping from his aching eyes. "That tells you how much the universe wants this! It's proof that we're meant to be, Rey. It's proof that we're soul mates. You're my forever."
She continued to shake her head until it turned into thrashing. "No, no," She sobbed out, her own tears coating her red cheeks in wetness, "I'm not good enough. I'm not a good Omega. I'll never be good enough for you, Alpha."
Her words hurt him just as much as seeing her cry. There was no truth to them. Rey was everything he had ever wanted and more. He knew that at age fourteen when he began to pray every night that she would present as an omega, and he knew that at age twenty-two, when he accepted that he would forever be alone since the woman he loved couldn't be with him.
With delicate caresses, he moved his hands to her cheeks, cupping her wet face close. Ben stared into her teary hazel eyes, receiving confirmation for probably the one-millionth time in his life: she was the only person for him.
"I don't need a perfect Omega," He choked out, his right thumb brushing away a freshly fallen tear. He swallowed a sob of his own and forced his eyes to stay on hers. "I just need you."
It was sensory overload for him, dealing with his own shattering heart, and her distraught scent, and the endless tears streaming down his face. It was all too much. All he wanted was Rey.
"I love you. Be with me. Please." His words were clipped, failed attempts at distinguishable words that were lost in the rise of his sobs. "Just be with me."
And just when he thought the world would end, and her rejection would shatter his heart and close up his throat, readying him for a painful death of suffocation and despair and misery, she spoke words he had only dreamed about.
"Of course, I'll be with you," She cried out, her tears soaking his hands, "I love you, Ben. I've always loved you. I'm just so scared of what's next."
Ben swallowed and leaned forward until he was just millimeters away from her lips. "I'm scared too," He whispered, his heart practically beating out of his chest, "But I know we can overcome anything if we're together."
"Are you sure?" Her words came out in fractured chokes, "How can you know?"
His lips ghosted against hers. "Because I love you and you love me. That's enough. That's all we need."
When he finally kissed her, he could breathe again.
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