Chapter 3:

"I hate you."

Nala's chest raised and lowered with burning air. Her entire left side was covered in thick mud, not even the colour of her dress showing through. It felt awful, but it wasn't just the mud that sent fumes out of her ears to go along with their red tint.

Kili smirked gleefully, barely a speck of the filth on himself. They had been walking home separately and with unfortunate timing ran into each other near a paddock on the outskirts of the mountain just after a heavy downpour of rain.

Almost exactly two years since she put the necklace on her neck, and nothing had changed between them. Not one bit and in fact, it seemed to have gotten worse.

"You're a pig," she spat, still standing still but her mind was running with ideas of murder. The only thing keeping her from doing so is the crowd of people wandering near them.

"I'm not the one covered in mud," Kili snorted, crossing his arms proudly over his chest. Tears sprung in her eyes, feeling the piercing ones of the Dwarves of the Blue Mountain on her back. Her cheeks burnt bright red, angry hot. "You should take a bath one of these days."

Nala shook her head in disbelief. "How are you like this? H-How do you put on such an act so friendly around everybody else a-a-and then around me you do everything you can to ruin my life?" Her arms hung in the air in front of her as she barely spoke out her words, overwhelmed with too many different emotions.

Kili rolled his eyes. "It's just a bit of mud," he protested. "Hardly ruining your life. You're dress on the other hand."

"You don't understand." Nala watched Kili's still face, the only sign of movement a slight twitch on his forehead at her words. "You have no idea what life is like for me!" Her hands shook near her head, eyes moving about manically. "Of course you don't know. You're a spoilt brat who doesn't have any idea what life is like for those who aren't like you!"

Kili strides forward, matching her energy. "I'm the spoilt brat?! You're the low-born living like a noble! You wouldn't be living the life you do if it wasn't for my family! All my life you've hated me! And the one person I could turn to always defends you!" He stood less than a foot in front of her, towering in height and spit flying from his mouth. Nala's throat felt like something had stuffed an entire toad down it. "You don't what life is like for me!"

Nala huffed silently, shaking her head. "Oh yes, because being a prince is such a hard life," she whispered but the words are just as powerful as his. "And maybe he's defending me because you're the one who could never stand me. I wanted to be your friend and I tried but you just decided one day that that was never going to happen, and I still don't understand why that happened? So maybe, instead of blaming me, you could tell me exactly what I ever did to you!"

Kili's mouth stayed shut. He knew he had his reasons, but he had never admitted them out loud. Perhaps it was because saying them aloud didn't sound right, like a false truth. Instead, he seethed out, "he's defending you because he's fallen for your act as well. Whatever charming pose you put on around people has pulled him in as well." Nala couldn't even respond she was in so much disbelief. "You know what I think?" He stepped forward, breathing on her forehead. "I think that you want to marry him. You want the throne."

A large cry of anguish and frustrated teared through her throat as her hands launched forward. They landed roughly on his chest, forcing him back with strength that even surprised her. Kili stumbled backwards, unable to catch his footing and fell right into the mud that Nala had just dragged herself out of.

Hot tears poured down her face which was a blotchy red under the mud. This wasn't just their normal argument – a bickering. It was a full-blown loathing. Kili stayed on the ground for a few moments in shock but Nala was already bending down, scooping another handful on mud into her hands. Her arm launched it forward, hitting the side of his face.

Kili broke from his trance, pushing back up to his feet as Nala ran forward with another handful of mud. He tried to defend himself, grabbing her wrists and they begin to wrestle. He didn't know what he wanted to do. Throwing her down again into the mud wasn't at the forefront of his mind but it seemed like the only way to get her off of him. "Stop," he growled, digging his boots into the slippery ground. "Stop!" Nala doesn't even hear him, her own mind too loud for anything other than her internal screaming to be heard. "Nala. Please!"

She didn't seem to be fighting to push him down anymore, only to gain some sort of upper hand. Just a desperate attempt to win, to get out her anger. His own anger simmered down, never having seen her eyes as wild and lost as they were then. Something he said struck her, but he couldn't pinpoint it. Even he knew enough was enough. His grip tightens around her wrists, holding them off to the side. He didn't want to physically hurt her.

A heavy force, much heavier than Nala's shove had been, forces his backwards once again. Kili slid backwards through the mud, hitting the back of his head with a thud and grunt. His eyes clenched shut as he pulled himself back up to a sitting position, rubbing the tender spot. When he opened his eyes, he saw Nala facing the opposite way, clinging to her brother who was sending him a glare worthy of Dwalin's. Nala's shoulders quaked, burying her head from the rest of the world.

Kili stayed on the ground, nervous that if he even tried to stand that Bola would shove him right back down. Not only was Bola taller than Kili, but stronger and older – more experienced at fighting. There was no debate that he was one of the best at hand to hand in Ered Luin for their age.

Xx

Nala sat numbly in her bed, lent up against her brother. The mud had been washed all off, though there was still flecks of it in her hair. Her tears had dried hours ago, leaving her exhausted.

"Ma says it's alright," Bola said softly, a tone that didn't suit him very well. "Not many people saw."

"People start rumours though," she whispered. "That's… It's what I was upset about in the first place. He doesn't understand what it's like for us. He thinks I act like I do to trick people." She shook her head, resting it against the wall to stare at the ceiling. She begged the tears flooding to her eyes not to fall again. "I could handle it if he just didn't like me but then he goes and does this stuff that threatens everything. Our entirely family could fall down because of something stupid like today. Our family is the sheep in a pack of wolves."

Bola rested his cheek against her head, dropping his guard that he almost always keeps up. "That won't happen. Thorin won't let it. And you know what I think?" He raised his head, tilting it down and waited for his sister's eyes to meet his. "I think if Kili knew why, then he wouldn't do anything to risk our position here. You're right – he doesn't understand because nobody has told him. He's noble, he's never been a commoner like us. Why don't you explain that to him?"

Nala moved her eyes back to her closed door with a tired glare. "He wouldn't listen. Fili understands but he's also a lot more involved in politics here. I just want him to…stop. But the only way I could ever avoid him completely is to stop being friends with Fili and I don't know if I could do that."

"No one is asking you to. The responsibility of our family's reputation doesn't just lie on your shoulders. It falls on all of us. But we're ok. We're still children and that gives us an advantage. By the time that we are of age, Kili will have grown out of throwing you into the mud and I'm almost certain you'd be too tired to even try and fight him back." He chuckled at her small smile that she tried to hide. "I know you're going to punch me for this, but I spoke to Fili earlier and told him what happened."

True to his prediction, a sharp fist found its way into his thigh. Nala tried to keep Fili out of it as much as possible, not wanting to strain their relationship. She knew, that if it came to that moment where Fili was forced to choose between them, he would always choose his brother. And she held no ill feelings for that, for she would do the exact same. Bola was her friend, her blood, her twin. Friends may come and go but he was forever. "What did he have to say?" she eventually braved to question.

"Not much," he confessed. "Just that he was going to speak with Kili. I'm sure Dis knows what happened to and honestly I'm surprised that we haven't heard yelling yet." Nala barely held her small smirk. Dis was an amazing mother, and someone Nala truly looked up to. And while neither of their mothers tried to force the pair to get along, they were as fed up with the fighting matches as Kili and Nala were. Her own mother always tried to take time to think before she reacted, much unlike their father who often spoke his mind right at that moment. "Kili went straight back into his room when he saw me coming though."

Nala snorted, chest racking with laughter at the thought. "He's scared of you. And with good reason. He saw what happened to Serbi after he stole your sword."

"Brat even had the audacity to deny it," he growled. "Earned every bruise."

"I'm almost waiting for him to try again."

Xx

2 Years Later

Nala leant up against the stone wall of the corridor outside their mountain home, a hand clasped over her mouth. Tears tracked down her cheeks and over her fingers like the clouds that were her eyes had just broken a dam. On the other side of the wall she leant up against was her three remaining family members, as well as Thorin and Dis. But she couldn't be in there any longer, watching her mother.

Her mother was lying in her bed, pale and sickly, an unnatural look for a Dwarf. Dwarves don't get sick. It wasn't in their creation, yet something has cursed her mother to be in that bed, struggling to breathe. Her brother and father were stronger, staying by Hervi's side as Thorin and Dis helped around. The healer had given her family a grave expression and that was when Nala left. Her mother wasn't going to make it. And she still hasn't been told why. Why her mother, of all the Dwarves, is sick.

Kili stood at the end of the corridor, watching the lone figure. Dwalin and Fili were on a training exercise a few hours out of the mountain, not due to return home for another day. And truthfully, Kili had no idea what to do. He debated whether to even travel over to the family's home, but eventually decided that not only was it his duty, but it was only right for him to visit. Hervi was like another family member to him, someone his mother always had over and Thorin's confident was their father. But he wasn't expecting to be alone in a corridor with the one member he truly had no idea how to act around.

He forced his feet forward, feeling that it was too late to turn around. Besides, he wasn't a dick enough to be snarky to her in this situation. And he didn't feel the need to be. Something – whatever it was – that usually ticked him off just wasn't present. Acting how he usually did just seemed like the most foolish idea to ever cross his mind.

Nala was stuck in her own mind so deeply that she didn't even hear his footsteps coming closer. Kili tried to walk softly, enough to not sound harsh, but loud enough to try and alert his presence. But still she jumped as he came into her sight. She looked at him like a deer being catching sight of a hunter. Quickly, she ducked her head back to facing the floor. "Please Kili, I want to be alone."

"I don't think you should be." Nala almost rolled her eyes – of course he disagreed with her. That was only natural. But it didn't hold the usual spite that came with his presence. Kili took another step forward, almost testing the waters. "I'm sorry. Really."

Nala shook her head, not bothering to even look at him. "I don't want anything from you. Go inside, say what you want but leave me alone." But she would give it to him that it was the first time he had said an apology and at least sounded like he somewhat meant it. Her voice didn't match her face. Her eyes portrayed so much emotion that the blankness of her tone almost confused him – as though it wasn't possible for it to come from her mouth right at that moment.

His arm raised towards her shoulder with the intention to offer some sort of physical contact. But before it reached her skin, her own whacks it away with the back of her hand. "Don't touch me." Kili's mouth opened, his hand beginning to move back on its original path. "No," she snapped. "You don't get to comfort me. You're doing it to soften your own guilt about something or you think you're in a position where I would want that from you. So no."

"Do you really hate me that much?" Kili asked loudly. Nala only stared at him, wondering how, or if she should answer. No, she didn't really hate him as much as he probably believed. But right then wasn't the time to discuss their history of war. "Do you hate me so much that you won't forget everything just for a moment so I can try and help you?"

"Yes," Nala breathed out. She pushed off the way, taking another step away from him. "Why would I want comfort from somebody who has caused me pain? I'd rather you be your snark, rude, miserable self right now so I could have a small sense of normalcy, while my entire life is being thrown upside down right now on the opposite side of this wall! And I should be the one asking if you truly hate me so much to feel the need to constantly fight me when all I want is a peaceful life."

"Then stop hanging around my brother!"

What he said and what he meant were the exact same things. But the reasoning behind them was a maze and Nala took a wrong turn. He hated her around his brother – it pissed him off till no end and they knew that. When she was alone, that feeling of irritation was still there, but it wasn't nearly as bright.

He expected Nala to snap back, but she only stood there with sagging shoulders. "Your wish is my command," she whispered through a smile that was mirthless, almost scary. Kili frowned – that had no been the reaction he was expecting at all. A part of him was happy that she had finally given in, but the majority of him was confused. Why was today's fight different? "We're leaving," she explained, loosing all bite. "I don't know why, but Ma and Pa were set on it and they decided less than a week ago."

"But your mother…"

Nala shrugged, kicking the stone floor with the tip of her boot. "It just seems to have made him more determined. I think there's something here that scaring them. And whatever has happened to Ma has something to do with it. There's so much going on that people don't understand – that I don't understand! And right now, I cannot handle trying to fight you."

Kili looked towards the door with furrowed brows before turning back to Nala who seemed more lost than he felt. He never expected that she would ever leave the mountain. She and her family had been there since before he was born, and it only seemed right that they would stay there until their deaths.

He should have just left right then. Kili should have turned around and walked through the door to leave her as she wished. Future him wants to smack his head so badly. But his instincts won over any sort of logical judgement his head made and he took three steps forward. Nala watched him silently and his next actions happened so quickly that it takes her longer than she would like to register what had happened.

Breathing through her mouth no longer became on option with the foreign taste on her lips which were being pushed back against her teeth. Just as quickly as it had come, the pressure was gone.

Nala stood there, her hands raised next to her chest almost defensively. The tension grew so thickly in the air that her skin felt clammy and the frog was back in her throat. Kili took three steps backwards, now the one looking like a terrified deer. "What in Durin's name was that?" She was seething, feeling the steam floating out her ears and nose.

"I-I'm sorry. I was thinking about somebody else and…and you were just there. I…"

Nala's mouth stayed open, her eyes slowly gazing around feeling out of world. "I'm done," she breathed. "I'm done trying to fight you. I'm done thinking about you. I'm done trying to wonder what I should have done. I'm done caring." She couldn't go back in there with her mother, not while everybody else was in there as well. Her mother was a lively woman, and seeing her barely being able to speak was just too unnatural and unsettling. "Please don't even try to fight with me anymore, I really just can't…" She trailed off, turning around and slowly started to walk away with her arms crossed over her stomach.

Kili stood outside Nala's family home for a few minutes more alone. He tried to reason with his own actions, make sense of why. He'd never thought of doing something like that before and he was honestly just as confused as her.

Xx

Bola stood outside his family home with the line of Durin including Dis and Thorin. His father was still inside with his mother who had more than enough to worry about. "I can't find Nala," he admitted stiffly. He hated this – asking for help. It was his sister and his responsibility, yet he couldn't find any trace of her over the past day. "I've tried the tree, I've searched the halls, the fields, the markets. I don't know where else to look."

"She wouldn't go far," Thorin decided. "Not with her mother in this condition."

"She's curled up somewhere," Fili agreed. "Have you looked in Balin's study?"

"Not yet. But that's a good idea."

"The library as well," Kili added. "I can go look there?"

Bola nodded, mumbling a thank you. Fili placed his hand on Bola's shoulder, giving it a rough squeeze. "Even if we don't find her this afternoon, she'll come out eventually." Bola nodded again and Fili gave him a tight smile which he also gave his mother and uncle before jogging off in the opposite direction that Kili went. Bola exhaled heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm just worried that whoever has gone after Ma will be after her next," he confessed now that the younger Dwarves were no longer present. "We barely saw it coming. We should have left sooner. Now Nala is out alone somewhere and she could be-"

"Don't think like that," Dis cooed. "Fili's right, she's curled up somewhere because she's scared. If the people that know her best can't find her, then I doubt they can."

"But what if she's not hiding," Bola pushed, keeping his voice low. "We thought they were all gone and now at least one of them has resurfaced. Who's to say there's not more of them lurking around these mountains?" His eyes darted down each end of the hallway, paranoid that someone was listening in – watching. "Please, just help me find her."

"Of course," Thorin said quietly. "I'll have Dwalin and Yorna informed immediately to keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

The day passed over too quickly for Fili's liking and there was still no sign of his missing friend. Night had fallen and the mountain quickly cooled in the autumn air so he made haste back to his chambers to pick up a coat so he could continue looking.

He pushed the door to his room open, marching over to his wardrobe. But his feet paused less than half-way. On his bed was a small round lump covered entirely by his winter blanket. Fili's shoulders sagged as his feet changed direction and he slowly began to approach the lump. He sits down on his bed, kicking off his boots before laying down, contouring around the motionless lump. But it wasn't soundless. Soft sniffles echoed through his high-roofed chamber. He pulled his lips back, rubbing his hand over what he guessed as her shoulder. "My bed off all places?" he questioned lightly. A choked laugh muffled through the thick material. Her fingers poke out first, gripping the edge of the blanket before pulling it under her chin. Dark circles decorated her eyes which were puffy and drained. And her hair was frizzy misplaced.

"It's really soft," she murmured, smiling sadly.

"We've been looking for you," Fili said. "Bola's been worried."

Nala dropped her smile, but she could not make room for guilt to wash through her. "Sorry," she whispered despite her lack of sincerity. "I just didn't want to be in there with everybody else and I didn't know where else to go."

Fili nodded in understanding. He barely remembers his father's death, but he is well aware of the pain it brings. "There's nobody there now. Your father is but he fell asleep. Bola is out looking for you still."

Nala thought over it for a moment. "Thorin and Dis aren't there either?" Fili shakes his head so she nodded. "Can we go now?"

She didn't feel guilt for hiding away from people, but not being with her mother at this time was ruining her. But she never expected to lose her mother in her lifetime. She didn't go out into warfare, she didn't travel or go down to the mines. She wasn't at risk. And Nala's idea that they were safe – the cocoon of the Blue Mountains – shattered into a million pieces. To look her mother in the eye was to accept that Ered Luin wasn't the safe haven her parents told her it was. The world outside was supposed to be the dangerous place. Yet hiding away did nothing.

So the pair left, Fili's jacket forgotten as they headed back to her mother's room. As soon as Nala entered the room, she fell to her knees at the bedside, sobbing into her mother's hand. It was heartbreaking to watch and Fili quickly excused himself to go inform the others that she was back. Despite everybody returning, Nala stayed in the room, eventually falling asleep with her head against the side of the bed.