It was a good life. That is what I tell myself. Though the end may have been regretful, up until that point, it was a good life. That is what I tell myself.

I never second-guessed myself on the decision I made. I never dared to let myself think "what if?". Because, after I took that first step, it would've been pointless anyways. I merely tried my hardest with the role that fell upon me. So that, in the end, I knew I did the best I could.

It didn't matter to me that I was alone. I was surrounded by a prosperous nation, the most reliable subjects, and the most powerful of warriors- but still, I was always alone. However, that was ok. I always reminded myself that that was to be expected. A king doesn't reserve the luxury of genuine companionship.

But… at the very least… just once… I wanted someone to tell me I was doing good.

My eyes flutter open as I feel an ache radiate through my head. I slowly sit up, feeling a similar pain throughout the rest of my body. I look around to ascertain where I am. It doesn't take me long to identify my surroundings as the dojo. I'm lying on the floor next to my small table, a woolen blanket draped over me. The sunlight is pouring bountifully into the old room from the lone window, telling me it must be midday, at least.

"A… dream?" I rub my eyes, half-expecting them to be damp with tears. Thankfully, they're not. I don't ever dream, so why now? I simply tell myself I dug up a memory while resting. A horrible, selfish memory.

"There are more pressing matters at the moment." I silently tell myself while rising to my feet. As I expected, my body feels significantly weaker once I stand up. I should check on Irisviel…

I quietly slide open the door to Shirou's room. I gasp at what I see, relief washing over me. Shirou lies, sleeping peacefully, on his futon with fresh sheets and covers underneath him. His stomach, side, and even his arm, are all healed up, with not even a trace of damage to indicate how badly they were broken. A few bandages dot his body, covering the minor cuts Archer referred to. The worst injury adorning him now is the one on his forehead, being obscured by the stretch of gauze wrapped around his head.

Right next to him, kneeling on the floor with her head on his right thigh, is Irisviel, in a deep slumber. Despite her being sound asleep, I can tell from the puffy eyes and slight bags underneath that it was a rough night. While I stand smiling at the two snoozing away, I hear someone enter through the door behind me. Rin walks past me and moves to kneel beside the futon, wash bucket and cloth in hand. Her messy hair and gaunt expression tell me she's extremely tired as well.

"I can't believe it…" I begin. "You managed to do it. You saved Shirou." Rin lets out a weak laugh at my comment. She wrings out the dampened cloth and begins wiping Shirou's abs while answering.

"Just barely. We only finished healing him about half an hour ago. And by 'we', I mean Irisviel. I swear, that woman amazes me. Long after I ran out of mana, she kept going. She kept telling me she was fine, but I could tell how hard she was straining. There's no telling when she hit her limit, and how long she kept persisting after that. I suppose I witnessed what they call motherly love firsthand."

Rin didn't even have to explain for me to know. I could tell from how feeble I felt when waking that Irisviel had pushed herself far too hard. She really needs to slow down… I fear to think what will happen if she keeps overexerting herself. I decide that I'll need to have a talk regarding it with her later.

"Should we wake Shirou up and see how he's feeling?" I ask Rin, not being able to suppress my anxiety. She gently wipes the sweat from his face with the cloth before responding to me.

"About that…" She finally begins, hesitantly. "Irisviel and I have already tried. He wouldn't budge, though. He's sleeping like a log."

"He must be very tired." I quickly interject. She pauses for a moment before continuing to wipe him down.

"I hope that's all it is…" She quietly states.

After Rin finishes cleaning the sweat off Shirou, she excuses herself from the room, saying she needs to go get some sleep before she collapses. Once I'm sure she's gone, I quietly tiptoe around Shirou's futon and occupy the spot she had been kneeling at, across from Irisviel. I find myself watching his sleeping face intently, fighting back the urge to try and shake him until he wakes up. Shirou…

While watching over him, I notice he's beginning to get restless. His face starts dampening with sweat again as his breathing turns heavier and a troubled expression begins to emerge. The labored breathing quickly evolves into borderline heaving as his troubled expression turns fearful. I look around in a panic, unsure of what to do.

"Sh-Shirou? What's wrong?!" I ask him. Obviously, he doesn't respond. Instead, he just continues to fall prey to whatever it is that's troubling him.

While I look across his body, wondering what's wrong, I notice his right hand. It lies only a few inches away from Irisviel, tensing and clutching the air repeatedly. It looks as if he's trying to grab something. As soon as I have this thought, I lift my gaze to see, across the room and on the floor next to his pair of shoes, his signature arrow.

I rise to my feet and hurry across the room to grab it, as though I'm certain it's what he wants. Once I return to my spot next to him, I lean over and reach to hand it to him. As soon as the wooden shaft touches his skin, his fingers wrap around it, tight as a vice. I'm surprised by how quickly and forcefully he latched onto the arrow. Curious, I attempt to tug it out of his grip. It doesn't so much as wiggle.

I notice his heavy breathing has quickly reverted to a more normal level and I look to see his expression appears much less terrified. I guess that's what he wanted. Even though he's calmed down quite a bit, his face still looks concerned, with a grimace and furrowed brows.

"Still dreaming, hm?" I quietly ask him, not expecting an answer. I lean down and rest my head on his free thigh, adjacent to Irisviel. I hope it's a more pleasant one than mine…

†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†

"I've been doing everything in my power to hinder you." In sync with Merlin's proclamation of hostility, the wind picks up, causing his hair to slightly billow in its gale.

"Hinder me? What are you talking about?"

"Exactly what I said. Using every trick at my disposal, I've been doing everything I can to try and stop you." I'm wracked with confusion as I try to make sense of his words. If I had my face now, surely I would be slack-jawed at this turn of events.

"I-I don't understand, Merlin. What you're saying- it's a stark contrast to what you've done for me."

"Tch, so you still perceive it as such? It doesn't matter, you'll remember the truth soon enough."

"Remember the truth? What do you mean? The only thing I remember is you helping me in the forest that day. You gifting me with the arrow. That's the only encounter I've had with you before now." Merlin shakes his head at me.

"No, Shirou. You and I- we've never met before. I never helped you and I most certainly didn't give you that arrow." …What?

"No, no. I specifically remember you-"

"Mental Interference." He sternly states, interrupting me. "Your memory of me, of that day, is just a fabrication. In fact, a good portion of your memories are fraudulent. I weaved an entire false year of memories into your mind. From the day you were saved in the fire following the fourth Fuyuki Holy Grail War, until 364 days later. Everything you remember from that time- it's a farce." His words stun me. I stay silent, unsure of what to think. Immediately, I find myself unable to believe him.

"Believe me or don't, I care little." He continues. "As I said earlier, you'll soon remember the truth regardless, so it matters not."

"Why would you do such a thing?" I ask, feeling scared. "And even if you did, why bring me here to tell me?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't go through the effort of arranging this conversation just to let you know I pulled the wool over your eyes almost 10 years ago. My intentions are far more serious than that. As for why I did it…" Merlin pauses midsentence. He looks over the edge of the pavilion, pondering something. He eventually seems to have decided on whatever it was he was thinking about before turning to face me.

"First, let me ask you something. Depending on your answer, I may just send you back and pretend like I never even knew you existed." I wait, still confused as ever, for his question.

"Can you promise me that once you leave here and reawaken in your home, that you will throw your lucky arrow away and never look back?"

"What?" I ask, confused. "No, why would I do that?"

"Then, that's it. There's your answer." He replies, assuredly. "If you answer with anything other than 'yes' to that question, I know all my actions were justified. That is the reason why I did what I did. All of my actions taken, regarding you, stem from that wretched object." His words shake me thoroughly. It's not the first time I've heard something like this. Rider had a familiarity with it, though she didn't appear to be this hostile towards it.

"Why do you care about it at all? And if you didn't give it to me, then where did it come from? At least tell me that if you want me to get rid of it; I haven't the slightest clue of its origin."

"…You should know damn well where that 'arrow' came from." He spits back, his anger apparent. "All of its components are much more modern additions, as you'll soon see when your memories return. All pieces except for one. The blade serving as its arrowhead. Truly, I've not the slightest clue as to where it came from. It's existence far predates that of my own. I can't even begin to fathom what machinations brought it into existence." The arrowhead? I try to remember where it came from- the arrowhead, the shaft, the feather, the leather straps binding it, the arrow itself in its entirety. All I can recall is the botanist, Merlin, giving it to me. Over and over again.

"I don't remember…"

"You will." He states, simply. "Once my magic altering your memories inevitably fails, you'll know the bizarre story of how you obtained it."

"Why…? Why would you erase my memories of the arrow? Of everything that happened that year?"

"I did not erase your memories completely. I am not capable of such a feat. What you remember is actually not that different from what really happened. All I did was change them enough so that they diverted from what actually took place. My intention was to suppress the events that transpired over the span of that year. What happened- what truly happened- set your life on a certain course. That course ends in a dark place. I altered them to the best of my abilities as to try and delay the result of those events from transpiring. However, my efforts to do so are at their limit.

"The events you experienced are tied too closely to the being known as Shirou Emiya. Your origin, your fate- these events derive from and simultaneously end with both. Because of this, no matter how powerful the magic, these points in your life will inevitably resurface. On top of that, despite my best efforts to make it an insignificant object, you clung devoutly to that arrow. Your consistent, prolonged exposure to it has only contributed to the real memories of that year overpowering those that I constructed.

"As if the inevitable date you awoke to the truth wasn't already close enough because of all of this, to rub salt in the wound, the Fifth Holy Grail War begins. That wouldn't pose too much of a threat normally, but the servants… the number of them who coincide with your fate is astounding. It has unconditionally set the gears in motion. Last of all, the final nail in the coffin, is your body and the state it is in. It has solidified the resurfacing of these memories."

"The state my body is in? What do you mean?"

"You suffered incredibly grievous wounds before I brought you here. Because of this, you are currently in a coma. As such, in this time where your body remains out of commission and your mind functions at full capacity, alongside all these other conditions being met, my magic can no longer suppress the events of the year following the Fourth Grail War. Once your consciousness leaves Avalon, like a passing dream the memories will flood back into you and you will awaken remembering everything. I can only pray you never manage to wake up."

"…If you hate me so much, why not just kill me?"

"As I've said, I cannot interact with your soul nor body. Only your mind." He instantly responds, spitefully. "Indeed, if it were within my power to put an end to your life, I would've done so after that dreaded year had passed. Unfortunately, implanting a year of lies within you is the extent of what my powers could do from here in Avalon." So many confusing emotions well up in me at what he says. Anger, fear, sorrow.

"What happened that was so terrible? To make you hate me this much?!"

"Again, you will soon see. There's no point in me explaining now, with that being the case. However, I can tell you one thing, at least."

"Which is?"

"Had what happened on the final day of that year not occurred, I never would've concerned myself further with you. I would've said 'whatever happens happens, I suppose'. We never would've had this talk; I would've never brought you here to see me." His words do nothing to ease my already confused, paranoid psyche.

"And why is it that you brought me here?" As I ask this, the already strong wind becomes even more forceful. The flowers and grass below bend and sway with the gust. Petals get swept up and fly with the current, encircling the tower in a pink veil. Merlin notices this and looks around.

"Our time together is nearing its end." He states, regrettably. "So, I'll make this quick. Explaining all of this to you is not the reason I made you appear before me. I did so to ask something of you. A request." I feel appalled by what the man says.

"After all of what you just said- after all you've done, you expect me to do a favor for you?"

"No, I don't." He states, seriously. "I expect you to do a favor for all of humanity." …What? All of the anger and resentment I'd been feeling slowly dissipates upon seeing how dead serious he seems, leaving only fear and suspense.

"What- what is it?"

"When you awaken… Please… Please kill yourself, Shirou Emiya."

A silence fills the room after his request. The only noise is the blowing of the wind, slowly increasing in strength. I can tell he's sincere in what he asks of me. I'm at a loss of words on how to respond.

"Kill myself… what…"

"Is that a no?" He asks quickly, seeming impatient.

"I don't understand- I…" He sighs in frustration. I notice that my vision has begun blurring.

"It's too late. Our time is up." Merlin states while beginning to walk away, across the floor of the pavilion. "My request still stands, whether you accept it or not. Do the world a service and end your life. If you choose not to… I can only hope the course of this Grail War will end with you lying dead."

After he says this, a streak of light forms in the torrent of wind circling the tower. The glistening breeze, speckled with flower petals, floods in over the railing before converging on me. I become enveloped by the familiar light before being flown away. The image of the tower rising from the flower garden in the middle of Avalon grows more distant and blurrier as I'm carried off. Everything blurs until I can only perceive a bright light around me. Again, I allow myself to be taken for the ride, unable to do anything else.

After a while in transit, the light suddenly vanishes like a candle abruptly being blown out. I find myself in the familiar darkness I occupied before being spirited away by the mage; my mind. …Kill myself? Throw away my arrow? Why did he ask these things of me? For what reason? I can't understand his demands. I continue dwelling on his request, wondering for what reason he posed it to me. I have no idea how long I reflected on it, but eventually I grow sick of thinking about it and try to think of other things.

I recall being told by him that I was in a coma. So, there's no telling how long I have to endure this darkness. Moments after thinking this, I have a feeling wash over me. The feeling one gets as they're just waking up, when they emerge from the groggy tiredness and bloom into being awake. Well, that wasn't a very long 'coma' at all.

I open my eyes. The lights are off in my room. I'm tucked in, beneath my covers. After lying still for a moment, the first thing I do is let out a long sigh of relief. How scary… could that have been a dream? It certainly felt far too real to be one. I shake my head, deciding I'll sort it out later. First, I want to find Irisviel and make sure she's ok. I sit up and quickly swing my legs out from under the covers before standing up from my bed, on the cold wooden floor.

It is then, immediately, that I know something is wrong. Not even mentioning the fact that I sleep in a futon, not a bed, or that I have tatami matting in my room, not wooden flooring- I can tell something is off. I look around, trying to discern what it is. Eventually, my gaze falls down and I take a look at myself. My hands, arms, feet, legs, my entire body is smaller than normal.

"What's going o-"

*Craaaack* *SLAM* My question is interrupted as something falls through the roof of the room and onto the floor, just a few feet from where I'm standing. It doesn't take me long to discern what it is. A wooden rafter. A charred, burning wooden rafter.

This event suddenly makes me more aware of my surroundings. The room I'm in- it's a child's room, adorned with posters, toys, and various other things. It's also filled to the brim with smoke. Realization slowly starts to dawn on me.

I duck beneath the collapsed wooden beam and rush to the bedroom door. Without thinking, I immediately grab the doorknob.

"Ah!" Pain ripples across my hand as the scalding handle burns it. I grit my teeth and turn the brass knob, fighting through the pain. The door opens to unveil a hallway littered with flames. "*cough* *cough* I have to… get outside."

I zigzag through the hallway, trying my hardest to avoid the inferno as best I can. I manage to make it to the end without my clothes catching ablaze. I notice the front door already hangs slightly ajar, relieving me to know I won't have to grab a handle again. I sprint towards it, readying my shoulder to ram past it and make it outside to safety. I collide into the door and knock it aside before jumping out and planting my feet on the concrete walkway outside. My eyes widen.

All around me, in every direction one can look, there are flaming houses, collapsed buildings, and a miasma of toxic smoke. My feet tread forward, weakly, towards the street. No… not again.

As I arrive at the street, filled with burning corpses, flaming rubble, and black mud, I lift my gaze towards the sky. Merlin's words echo throughout my head. The memories of what happened will return to me. Far above the city, there's a hole in the sky. From this hole, dark liquid pours down like a faucet.