"Archer…?"
My head pounds. I stare at the boy, who just introduced himself as Archer, as the situation that unfolded moments ago replays in my mind. "Archer"? No, no- this is some kind of sick joke, right?
"Yes? Are you, uh, feeling alright?" the boy asks me, noticing how unnerved I must look.
I calm myself down, rubbing my thumb along the flat of the blade held at my side. Now's not the time to lose your head, Shirou. Let's just figure out what this boy's deal is before we begin freaking out. I hear the child suddenly giggle while I'm regaining my composure.
"Haha, those are some interesting faces you're making! Why don't you waltz over here and have a seat? Take a load off with me." Upon his behest, I nervously walk across the clearing and to the log he's seated at.
I plop down onto the end of the log furthest from him. Having come face-to-face with the campfire, I can now identify what the cooked meat smell was coming from. Several rabbits, skinned clean, line the perimeter of the campfire; leaning against the stone-dotted perimeter, slow roasting on spit-roast sticks.
I turn my head to the left as I feel the log jostle. The boy is scooching down the log, towards me. I flinch slightly as he arrives to his destination, right next to me. His eyes are brimming with curiosity and he's donning an energetic smile.
"I, uh-"
"You're welcome to one, if you're hungry." He quickly asserts, cutting me off.
It doesn't take me long to realize he's referring to the rabbits, as my hand nabs the closest one without second-guessing. I'm surprised by how hungry I actually am as I dig into the rabbit, not caring about table manners. Even the constant, leering gaze of the boy next to me doesn't hinder the pace at which I eat it.
"So, what brings you all the way out here?" he asks me as I finish the last bite of the rabbit haunch. I swallow the bite and hesitate on how exactly to answer that question.
"Well, I came out here searching for something I thought I wanted. And then, I was beaten up by an adult I happened across." My response elicits a fit of laughter from the boy.
"Hahahaha! It happens to the best of us, I suppose!"
Not exactly the kind of response I would expect from a kid. Then again, I knew from the moment I encountered him that he wasn't any ordinary child. "Archer" …
I shiver a bit in my still-damp clothes while pointing my palms at the flickering fire. Noticing this, the boy grabs a stick from the ground and stokes the fire, causing the flames to rise up and burn more intensely. Drying off next to this fire- looking into it- it's a bittersweet feeling. I can't help but reflect on the inferno that forever changed my life mere months ago.
"So," I begin, wanting to get my mind off the subject "what is it that brings you out here in the woods?" He sets the stick down before turning to face me.
"This place is akin to a haven for me. You see, my… guardian is quite the overbearing fellow. I can only stomach so much of him before I need some time to myself. I come out here to clear my head and let my hair down, so to speak."
I see… Yes, this boy is odd indeed. Someone his age shouldn't be wandering off into the woods in the middle of a storm. Though, I suppose my situation isn't much different either…
I set my gaze on the roasted rabbits once more, as he claims one to begin eating himself. I suppose he hunted or trapped those as well? It adds even more mystery to the strange boy, as I've never met a hunter so young. On top of all this, he claims his name is Archer…
"Um…" I start, unsure of exactly how to word what I want to ask. "You said your name was Archer? That's a pretty unique one. Coupled with your foreign looks, I'm guessing you're not from around here?"
He rips the last shred of meat from the back of the rabbit before tossing the skeletal remains into the fire. While tossing the piece into his mouth and savoring the final bite, he skews his brow as though he's pondering my question.
"*gulp* My name? Yes, I suppose it's unique as far as names are concerned. However, it's more of a title than a name- er, rather a nickname I guess I should say. And no, I'm not from Japan."
After his explanation, I find myself having more questions than before. I sigh in defeat after seeing him absentmindedly poking the fire, clearly having no intention of elaborating on his explanation further.
"What's yours?" he suddenly asks me, seemingly prompted by my sigh.
"M-My what?" My confused question is met by a pout from him.
"*grr* Your name! You've gone and prodded thoroughly about mine, yet you still haven't disclosed your own!" At his angry tirade, I suddenly realize I indeed haven't told him my own name.
"Ah, I'm so sorry- how rude of me. *ahem*, my name is Ar-"
I bite down on my own tongue and my head throbs. "Ar"? What in the world am I doing? Why was I about to give "Archer" as my name?
Why did my mouth act on impulse and betray what I wanted to say? I notice Archer's gaze. His crimson eyes are amused and curious, while his smile is impish and playful. Ngh- and why do I feel so irritated when I look at him?
"Shirou Emiya!" I loudly spit out; afraid I might say something else if I didn't pour my heart out in declaring it. "My name- my name is Shirou Emiya." His eyes flash in surprise at the mentioning of my name, before lighting up in excitement.
"Hahahaha!" The boy falls into a laughing fit. "Ah, oh how amusing you are! Well, Shirou Emiya, since you've finally told me your name, I will reward you with a little treat. I've taken quite a liking to you, so I see no harm in disclosing this. My true name is Gil. You are allowed to address me as such."
"Gil…" I quietly repeat after him. The name is still a tad bizarre to me, but I suppose that should come as no surprise considering he's not Japanese. It stands to reason he would have an odd-sounding name. Still though… why was I so relieved when he told me what his name actually was, as opposed to Archer…?
The time flies by as I continue talking to Gil. He explains the various game there is to hunt in these woods, how he constructed his little campsite, where his stash of candy and comics is, and what the benefits of spending time surrounded by nature is as opposed to urban life. Before I know it, the rain has stopped, and the moon and stars now hang in the sky.
"Well, Gil, it has been a lot of fun. I really appreciate you taking me in and feeding me during this storm, but I really should get back home before Irisviel has a heart attack."
"Hm? 'Irisviel'?" he parrots back to me.
A myriad of emotions flashes across his face. For a brief moment, his expression looks hostile and dangerous, and my hair stands on end as a similar aura radiates off of him. The moment passes quickly, and he soon looks uncaring and aloof, as though he merely had some brief and twisted delusion. He then dons a mischievous smile.
"Ah, it must be your woman, then?" he questions teasingly.
"M-My woman!?" I stammer and shout, my face turning bright red. "No, of course not! She's my mother. In case you haven't noticed, I'm just a little kid. Why in the world would I have a 'woman'?" He scoffs at my reasonable question.
"It isn't unheard of, boy. People used to tie the knot just as they were blossoming into adulthood. In fact, it was customary- it-" he trails off before waving his hand in the air dismissively. "Oh, forget it. It was a different time."
"Yeah…" I answer, unsure. "I guess."
"Well then," he quickly continues "I suppose you'll be needing directions out? Considering you wandered all the way to here." I shake my head.
"No but thank you. I should be fine."
I rise from the log and onto my feet. After pulling the old blade from my pocket and placing it on the dirt below, I give it a twirl.
"I just hope it works this time around…" I mumble as it continues to spin.
Once it stops, I spin it again just to ensure its functioning properly this time around only to see it stop spinning in the exact same position as before. Excellent.
I pick it up, pocket it, and turn to say my farewells to Gil. He's eyeing me curiously, surely intrigued by the little ritual I conducted before him.
"So long, Gil. It was a pleasure meeting you."
"The pleasure was all mine, Shirou Emiya. More than you'll likely ever know."
Quite a cryptic response from him, but I suppose I've come to expect that.
I turn to begin walking away, but I find myself unable to take the first step. I open my mouth as if I want to say something. My hand opens and clutches the air at my side. I feel like… there's something I want… have to ask him, but I can't put my finger on it.
I stand there, unmoving, for quite a while, trying to find the words that are eluding me. Gil obviously notices I'm still there, and I hear him clear his throat to likely question what in the world I'm still lingering about for. If I can't figure out what I need to ask him, my only option is…
"Um! Gil…" I finally begin, not turning to face him. "Could I come here? To see you again?"
Laughter. I immediately hear stifled laughter as the boy behind me tries to suppress his chuckling. It passes quickly and I hear him clear his throat to respond to me.
"Sure, I can manage such a thing. I normally don't come here very often, but I can make it a regular visit so that we might chat again. Saturday. Saturday afternoons. I will be here on those occasions, so you may come as you see fit."
I nod my head and rush off, into the woods. I don't even bother to thank him, as I'm preoccupied with a mixture of worry for Irisviel being home alone and embarrassment from acting so awkward and asking such a weird request of him.
Whatever! Embarrassing as it may be, it was a necessary question. I have to ask him the question. The question that I'm unaware of. My unknown desires led me out here. First to the fortune-telling man and then to the boy, Archer. I can feel the question within me, I just can't yet grasp it. What strong desire caused my mystical blade to lead me out here? What answer did it see in the boy?
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Shirou's lip occasionally twitches. Other times, his brows will furrow, or his nose scrunches up. All to tell me he's still alive, somewhere in there.
It's been two days since Shirou has fallen into this coma. I've been right by his side, every waking moment. Though I feel weak, though I'm tired, I can't get myself to part from him, even for a second. An unimaginable sense of fear dwells within me. Fear that, if I leave him, he will disappear again- forever this time.
"Shirou… keep fighting." My words elicit no response, same as always.
"Irisviel!" I hear Rin call out to me, accompanied by rapid footsteps towards the room. I turn just in time to see her bust in, slightly out of breath. "M-Miss Taiga is here! She said she wants to see Shirou!"
"Huh?!" I gasp fearfully. "We can't let her see him like this; now's the worst possible time for a misunderstanding."
"But then, what do we do?" Rin asks, appearing as nervous as I am.
"We'll just have to lie." I respond simply. "Here, stay with Shirou. I'll handle this."
After exchanging jobs with Rin, I exit the bedroom while giving Shirou one final look. I hear, down the hall, commotion in the kitchen. I easily infer that it's probably Taiga and sigh while approaching.
Within the dining room, Taiga has already made herself at home. She lies across the floor, flipping through channels on the TV while munching on a bag of my potato chips she pilfered. Why now of all times…?
I must've audibly sighed, as Taiga turns to meet my gaze before smiling at me carefree.
"Irisviel! It's good to see you." She happily declares while jumping to her feet. "It feels like it's been ages. Is Shirou here too? He's been missing a lot of school- and practice- so I wanted to see how he's doing."
"Oh, u-um Shirou is…" I desperately try to think of an explanation while Taiga looks at me expectantly. "Ah! Actually, he's on a date right now. Unfortunately, I have no clue what time he'll be returning. You know how young men are, haha…"
"WHAAAAA?!" Taiga roars furiously at my explanation. "You're telling me he's off prancing around with some bimbo instead of coming to practice?! Ohhhh, just wait till I see you again Shirou Emiya!"
The intense woman, who is practically on fire at this point, causes me to nervously sweat. Shirou, forgive me! I think I just created a powerful enemy for you!
After preparing some tea and snacks, Taiga and I go about discussing pleasantries. Apparently, her main reason in coming today was to catch up with me. She just so happened to be concerned about Shirou, as well.
About an hour into our conversation, I feel the air in the room becoming a tad more serious. Taiga takes a long, drawn out sip of her tea before focusing her gaze on me.
"It's about to be 10 years… a decade since then, huh?" She quietly mutters.
"Hm?" I tilt my head at her, confused. "10 years since what?"
Her eyes widen a bit in surprise. She looks taken aback that I don't remember whatever it is she's referencing.
"It's been almost 10 years since Kiritsugu… you know."
My own eyes widen in surprise and I feel my lip quiver slightly. That's right… the anniversary of his death. It's been almost a decade since he sacrificed himself to save Shirou. I'd almost forgotten, how could I've… Taiga seems to notice how troubled I am and hastily lets out a forced laugh.
"S-Sorry, I shouldn't have touched on that topic." She quickly apologizes. "It's no surprise you wouldn't want to be thinking about something like that… I don't know, I just can't seem to shake it from my mind lately. This year is just hitting harder than the rest, for whatever reason."
I try to return the forced laughter to ease the tension, but it's not convincing at all. To think such a date would actually slip my mind. All I've been thinking about lately is Shirou, so I've…
"I really don't have room to talk, though." Taiga continues. "I'm sure you know more than anyone the kind of struggle I'm talking about." I nod my head at her comment.
"Yes, indeed." I state simply, trying to regain my composure. "His death was such a tragedy, and far too soon. I'd prefer not to dwell on the subject."
Taiga again lets out the faux laughter before quickly switching the topic to something else. Throughout the rest of our conversation, we begin discussing Shirou and all our experiences with him throughout the years. My mood improves quite a bit as I watch Taiga light up and smile brightly while explaining his exploits and experiences in the Archery club.
"*yaaawn* Well, I suppose I better head out before it gets too late." Taiga tells me while standing from the table. "I guess Shirou's not going to make an appearance anytime soon, and I wanna get home before dark."
I follow her out the dining room and down the hall to the front door. I thank her for coming as she slips into her shoes and puts her jacket back on.
"Can you do me one favor though, Irisviel?" she asks while resting her hand on the door handle. "When Shirou does get back, can you ask him to take care of himself? The last time I saw him, he looked gaunt and deadly serious. I know he's always a stick in the mud, but it was different than normal... At the very least, make sure he's eating right!"
She ends on a happy, lighter note compared to the rest of her request. However, I could tell how serious she was in what she was asking of me. In fact, it occurs to me she may have come to "catch up" with me today just to make sure there weren't any problems with or between me and Shirou. Nevertheless, I smile and nod at her.
"Of course, Taiga. I'll tell him as soon as I see him. He'll be happy to know his teacher cares so much."
She returns the smile before opening the door and jogging out to her little motorbike. After saying her final goodbyes, she cranks the bike and skids off down the street. As soon as the rumbling motor is out of earshot, I hear a door further down the hallway swing open.
"UggghHHHHHHHH!" Rin groans while stomping out. "I thought she was never going to leave! Good grief, what a pain."
I laugh a little at her annoyance and walk down to join her in the room. We both sit together for a while with Shirou, discussing our current situation in the Holy Grail War. After talking in circles and realizing we both have no real insight on what to do, we wipe down Shirou's body to free him of the damp sweat.
Once Rin has finished helping me, she informs me she's going to go convene with Archer about Shirou and our situation. Soon, it's once again just Shirou and myself in the room.
"How strange…" I quietly whisper. "I know I should be devastated that such an anniversary is right around the corner."
Yet, I only feel concern for Shirou. Concern that I may never again see the smile he flashes at me on his way out the door in the mornings. Concern that I will never see him graduate. Concern that I'll never get to eat dinner with him again. Concern I'll never be able to hug him, or borrow his shoulder when things just prove too much…
"I'm concerned… about the idea of living without you." I pitifully confide in him, almost begging.
"…nn." My heart skips a beat when I hear him gutter something in his throat. "…Iris… viel."
"Yes? Shirou?!" I blurt out while wrapping my hands around one of his. "I'm here! I'm right here! Are you awake?"
I wait for what feels like an eternity, but he says nothing more. Just as I feared, he was just murmuring incoherently as he slept. Unbeknownst to me, tears have begun streaming down my face as my trembling hands remain latched on his own.
…No! Don't stay sad, Irisviel. I silently command myself. That's not what Shirou would want- for me to lose hope. Not after he fought so hard to save my life. I notice while staring at his face that something did change, aside from the one word he spoke. A slight smile graces his lips.
Upon taking note of this, I realize something else. His right hand, clasped within my own, is returning the squeeze- oh so barely. It's as if he's saying, "wait just a little longer".
"Fight, Shirou." I ask of him, once again. "Keep fighting for me, Shirou."
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Months would come to pass after my initial meeting with Gil. My time with him turned out to be even more enriching than I'd hoped. I learned many things from him. Anything from hunting and fishing to construction and gardening, he seemed to be a vast encyclopedia.
My Saturday visits with him have become second nature at this point. Soon, I realize I've come to anticipate getting to see him again. Weird… I would've guessed that, from my first impression after meeting him, I would've grown to hate the guy. However, I've grown pretty fond of him. I wonder… is this what it's like to have a friend?
I've gotten no closer to figuring out what exactly my hidden desire that the old knife detected in him is, but I've hardly even noticed. Soon the line between my actual intention of visiting him and the sheer inclination of wanting to hang out with him became blurred.
On today's particular visit, near the end as the sun has just begun setting, Gil tells me that he wants to show me something special today. He leads me to an area a short distance away from his normal campsite. I'm awed to see a large pond, or perhaps it'd be more accurate to call it a small lake, on the other side of the trees.
"Something this big was so close to us?!" I ask him, shocked.
"This place is called 'Horizon Creek'. Pretty cool, right?" he asks while chuckling.
I remain standing in my surprised stupor while Gil skips over to the water. He walks along the bank until arriving at a willow tree swaying in the wind. He plops down beneath it, against the tree trunk, before beckoning me over with his hand. I comply and walk over, all while admiring the sparkling expanse of water.
We sit at the bank of a large, glistening pond, resting next to the water beneath an old willow tree. Gil remains seated, looking oddly content, beside me. Together, we stare out across the beautiful body of water. Gil suddenly turns to face me.
"Hey, so I've got a question for you." He says.
"Hm?" I hum in response.
"Do you know why they call this place Horizon Creek? I only found out the other day myself." I shake my head at his odd query, not having really considered the origin of its name.
"I don't. I only found out this place is even here today." Gil giggles at my ignorant response, surely happy to know that he can impress me with this nugget of information.
"Well," he begins "apparently when the sun rises in the east over there," Gil points to the far end of the lake, opposite of where we sit "the water below reflects a perfect image of it, showing a horizon clearly in the water beneath." I intently stare across the water as he explains.
"Huh." I state simply, unimpressed. However, it seems Gil had yet to finish explaining the story.
"Annnnnnd," he continues "for some reason, throughout the rest of the day, the sun remains suspended in that one spot, even though it's constantly moving throughout the sky. However, you can only see this to be the case when you sit underneath this willow tree; the sun is shown forever frozen in a horizon from this angle until it disappears from the sky completely and it becomes nighttime. That is why it's called Horizon Creek."
I perk up upon hearing this and look more closely at the water. Surely enough, the water reflects the image of a dawn on the horizon perfectly, despite it being well into the afternoon.
"Woahhh!" I shout, standing up in awe. Gil laughs, seeing he did indeed manage to impress me. "That's amazing! How did you know this?" Gil simply shrugs his shoulders.
"It's just one of those things you happen to hear, I guess." Gil states simply. I can't help but notice that he seems to be suppressing a laugh while fidgeting where he sits.
"Huh?" I warily question, my elation dying down. "What's with that reaction?"
My question prompts him to actually unleash the laughter and point at me while holding his side.
"HAHAHA! Are you actually that gullible?" he coughs out his query between his hyena laughter. "There's no way a story like that is true- it's just reflecting the sunset you fool!"
"Huh?!" I shout in disbelief while ripping my attention back to the water.
After thoroughly alternating my gaze between the water and the sky, I realize he's right. His laughter has yet to die down as I angrily turn and stomp towards him.
"What's the big idea?!" I shout at him while pouting. "What's so funny about tricking me like that?"
"I didn't think it would work." He admits as his laughter dies down. "It was such a farfetched story that I never thought you'd fall for it." I clench my fist at his incessant jeering at my ignorance for falling for it.
"Where did you even hear a dumb story like that?" I bitterly ask.
"The myth originated one day from a fisherman who brought his girlfriend out here on their first date." He explains while staring across the water whimsically. "He had frequented this spot before and was one of the few who knew about the lake. One day, he spent the entire day fishing beneath this very tree." Gil gestures upwards to the branches of the willow. "He noticed that early in the morning, and late in the afternoon, a specific spot on the water" he points to the reflection showing the dawning horizon "appeared almost exactly the same with its reflection of the sunset as it did with its reflection of the sunrise.
"The fisherman" he continues "decided to make up a story about how the lake was magical and that it captured the reflection of the sun at dawn and kept it there all throughout the day until nighttime, but you could only see it if you sat beneath this willow tree. He then strategically planned a date with his girlfriend right at sunset, then fed her the bit to try and get her to join him under the willow tree and make it all very romantic so that he could get in her pants. It worked with great effect. So, he shared the idea with all his buddies and ever since, it's been a closely guarded secret used to bang naïve girls."
I feel my face light up like a match at the climax of his story. W-Why in the world would he use that trick on me? Wait, where did he even learn about this story in the first place?! He smiles devilishly at my reaction and his laughing tirade is renewed.
"Hahaha, ah my deepest apologies, Shirou." He offers a deceptive apology between his chuckles while wiping a tear from his eye. "I just had to try that trick on you after I heard about that story. I didn't think I'd be so successful in pulling the wool over your eyes!"
I growl while wishing my blush would subside. Not knowing how to react, I impulsively punch the stupid willow tree and begin stomping off. I no longer focus on my embarrassment, as I'm preoccupied trying not to cry from the aching pain radiating throughout my hand.
"Aww, where are you going?" I hear Gil call after me from beneath the tree.
"H-Home!" I yell back.
D-Dumb Gil! I think to myself while maneuvering through the forest. I'm going back home to Irisviel so I can nurture my damaged pride. She would never pull a mean trick like that on me.
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My body tenses as I hear the door to the bedroom slide open. Quickly, I lift my head from Shirou's chest to see whoever has come here so late. My eyes meet the gaze of a concerned Saber.
"Oh, I…" she mumbles while hesitantly stepping back, "I'm sorry, Irisviel. I should've known you'd still be with him. I didn't wake you, did I?" I shake my head.
"No, I was awake." I state simply. "I can't seem to let myself doze off, despite feeling exhausted."
Saber averts her gaze and stares in the darkness of the surrounding room. After a moment, she shuts the door behind her and enters the room. She makes her way to the other side of Shirou and takes a seat, across from me. Her expression looks oddly serious.
"That's…" she begins, unsure. "That's something I've been meaning to discuss with you, Irisviel."
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.
"…You're not well, are you Irisviel?"
Saber's question causes my eyes to widen. I bite my lip, unsure of how to respond. Eventually, after a prolonged silence, I answer.
"How long have you known?" I ask her while conceding with a bittersweet smile.
I notice a flash of surprise in Saber's eyes, hinting she wasn't entirely sure- or, perhaps, was hoping it not to be the case.
"Ever since you finished healing Shirou." She answers. "I could tell just how exhausted both you and your circuits were. At first, I just thought it was from the strenuous healing, but such a feat wouldn't have taken as much out of you back in the Fourth War. And, it felt as though our contract was falling apart at the seams. Healing him- it almost killed you."
"Yes." I respond plainly, having no reason to feign ignorance. "It's just as you say. However, I find it hard to believe that alone was conclusive evidence that I'm 'not well'."
"In all honesty," Saber continues, "I've had suspicions ever since I was summoned. I mean, you undoubtedly perished in the last War. That alone drives curiosity to your wellbeing, not to mention your being here in the first place. But then, in the fight with Berserker…"
"Go on." I command her, seeing her hesitate to continue.
"My Noble Phantasm- Excalibur's output against Berserker was pitiful. Even with a mediocre magus, the strike would've been more powerful. I used almost all the mana I had, and what you possessed to replenish me, yet that monstrous Hercules still survived. It's because of that…"
I maintain my harsh gaze with her, having an inkling of what she's wanting to say. I continue staring at her, daring her to say it. She seems to finally muster up the courage.
"Because of that, Shirou ended up in the shape he's in now." Saber spits out, cutting into me like a knife. "Were you the same as back in the Fourth War, Excalibur would've cleaved through Hercules' 12 lives with room to spare. I know you're not well Irisviel- because of how big of a travesty that night was!"
Saber has risen to her feet by the time she's finished her explanation. Her words cause me to wince as my eyes dampen with tears. I know she didn't intend to hurt my feelings, but she really didn't pull any punches.
"Alright, Saber." I weakly implore her. "You've made your point. I'll be honest with you."
Saber reclaims her seat, looking less angry and a tad ashamed. Surely, she's realized how harsh her words were at this point.
"I don't fully understand what's happening," I continue, "but it's as you've surmised. My body is becoming unstable, and soon I will perish."
Saber looks quite shaken up at my statement. All traces of curiosity and seriousness are gone from her.
"Well, 'soon' is a rather subjective term." I state, trying to lessen the impact. "At most, I probably have a year or two left. In that same vein, my magic circuits and health have diminished quite a bit. That's what you've been picking up on."
"B-But Irisviel!" Saber finally shouts, "How can you be so sure?" I laugh blandly at her question.
"You know how, Saber." I remind her. "It's because I've experienced it once before. In the last war, I could tell when my homunculus body was beginning to give out on me to give rise to the Greater Grail. We have an oddly acute sense about these sorts of things."
"... 'Homunculus'?" Saber parrots back. "Does that mean?" I nod at her question, before continuing to elaborate.
"When I first awoke in the aftermath of the Fuyuki destruction, and saw Kiritsugu's face, I thought I immediately knew what he did. Instead of asking for his wish- for the salvation of humanity- he fell prey to his desires and wished for me to return as a human. It wasn't until about half a year later when I realized that wasn't the case. I could feel the degradation of my body, the pulsing power of my enhanced magic circuits, and the unending stasis of a body that never ages- ever feeble. For whatever reason, I was brought back as a homunculus."
"Even still," Saber immediately responds, "why would your body be degrading? Why would you be dying?!"
"I wasn't brought back as an Einzbern homunculus." I answer. "What you see before you is just a cheap replica. I don't know how this is the result of a supposed all-powerful wish granting object, but I am apparently its best attempt at recreating their homunculi… I suppose the sole silver lining is that I no longer possess the functionality within me to act as the Lesser Grail. Even more proof I am not an Einzbern homunculus, just a copy built from the ground up."
Saber utters nothing after my revelation. She just remains seated, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. After enduring the silence for a while, I finally let out a little laugh. A pitiful, forced laugh.
"I-I guess you could say," I fearfully begin, "I'm probably not the Irisviel you stood beside during the Fourth Grail War. I'm just a failure who couldn't even protect the ones she loved. I'm not the real Irisvi-"
The sentence dies in my throat as a stinging pain erupts across the side of my face. Saber struck the backside of her hand across my cheek during my tirade. I gingerly caress my face while looking at her in surprise.
"…Don't say that." Saber finally commands me. "With all due respect, my master, shut up!"
I remain sitting, deer-eyed, as Saber begins chastising me again.
"As far as I'm concerned, you are the genuine article. You have her memories- her feelings, do you not?!"
"W-Well yes, but-" I can't form a full response as Saber cuts me off once more.
"Then that settles it, you are Irisviel." She states, confidently. "No, you're better than her. You are not the Irisviel of then, you are the Irisviel of now. You have grown, loved, lost, and fought, all to arrive at where you are here today. Don't just throw that away. Don't disrespect the Irisviel of then, or the Irisviel right here before me like that!"
It's my turn to remain silent and in awe at what Saber says. Th-This was supposed to be a dramatic, sad moment! Why is she getting so worked up?
"Above all else," Saber continues, "you are my master. So, please don't let delusions like that possess your thoughts. More than being unfair to you or me, it is unfair to him."
I follow her gesture down to Shirou, still snoozing and snoring away as we loudly converse.
"I…" I remain at a loss of words, still not knowing what to say.
"Shirou once told me…" Saber suddenly goes on before I can respond. "'Even if me being here changes nothing, even if I'm too weak to do anything, I wouldn't be able to go on living knowing I wasn't there for her.' He said that about you, Irisviel."
"Me?" I ask, surprised. Saber nods while continuing.
"Shirou doesn't waste time thinking about what kind of person he is or what kind he should be. He's a man of action, and he does what he believes is needed to be done. Most importantly, he does whatever is necessary to ensure the safety of what he cares about. He doesn't allow things like weaknesses or shortcomings to stop him. He may be young and foolhardy, but there is a lot to learn from the way he lives and acts. It's a fact that I am beginning to come to terms with, myself."
"You're… right." I finally agree, wisening up to just how hard Shirou's been fighting. "I shouldn't think and dwell on things such as that, even if they're true. I owe that much, at least, to him."
"Exactly." Saber states while finally donning a content smile. "So, whenever he wakes up, reward him by being the Irisviel you always have been for him. Don't dredge up those horrible thoughts, or the topic of your lifespan. Save that for once this Grail War is over and behind us."
"Yes, I will." I answer while nodding. "Thank you, Saber. You have no idea how much your wisdom has helped me tonight. You've given me a lot to think about."
Saber and I don't say much to one another afterwards. Instead, we just lie in the darkness on either side of Shirou. After our little discussion, I feel a bit more content and at peace. I may actually be able to get some sleep now, thanks to Saber.
Soon, I do indeed feel my eyes grow heavy, and my thoughts begin to slow. I turn on my side and sheepishly wrap my arms around Shirou's right arm. Just for tonight… just to help me sleep.
As I'm being whisked away to dreamland, one final notion does occupy my thoughts. The tenacity of Shirou that Saber was discussing. As she said, it is a good quality in and of itself, however… As of late, I've begun to wonder just how deep that determination runs, and just how far Shirou will let it push him.
Particularly, the superhuman feat he performed the other night to protect me from Berserker. I saw with my own eyes- him bounding across that graveyard at a speed surpassing Berserker's own. Even before that, he managed to block a surprise attack from Berserker and get back on his feet after being knocked down from the tree he was perched in.
I've been trying not to think about it, partially out of being preoccupied with worrying myself over his coma and partially out of fear. However, the time will soon come where I will have to acknowledge whatever force is motivating Shirou in such a manner. Shirou's overcome everything else thrown at him so far, so I'm sure that, whatever it is, he will rise above it.
†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†º†
On this Saturday, I have yet to go see Gil. The reason for this, is because I'm scared.
Earlier this morning, Irisviel had one of her episodes. She was weak and feeble, barely able to move around the house. Like always, she insisted nothing was wrong until the moment she collapsed.
I caught her when she fell, but being a kid, I fell to the ground with her. She then took to crying violently as we lied together on the floor. At this point I was truly beyond worried. Irisviel has had these weak episodes before and has had times where she broke down crying, but never have these instances occurred simultaneously.
Imagine my surprise when she forced herself onto her wobbly feet and continued walking. "Not today." She told herself between tears. "Today is the one day I have to power through."
I watched her hobble around the house, all while refusing my help. She grabbed various items; a bundle of incense, some candles, a small urn, and a rectangular object wrapped in cloth. After gathering these, she made her way to the old dojo. It was there that I realized what the objects gathered were for.
At the head of the dojo, she arranged all the items around the rectangular one wrapped in cloth. After they were all set, she lit the candles and incense before finally removing the bindings around the wrapped piece. Once unwrapped, it was revealed to be a framed photo of Irisviel and some man in a black suit. In their arms, was a little girl- bearing an eerie resemblance to Irisviel.
After seeing the photo, I couldn't help but feel the man seemed familiar somehow. After I thought about it, it dawned on me that he was the one who saved me from the Fuyuki Fire. Which would make him Irisviel's…
"Kiritsugu…" Irisviel muttered while lowering herself to her knees before the assembled items.
Kiritsugu Emiya… I thought to myself while painfully watching Irisviel grieve. I can tell she put together a little shrine to have a candlelit vigil for him, but why today of all days? It didn't take me long to realize why today was significant.
That's right… Today marked the day at being exactly one year since Irisviel and I came together. In other words, one year since Kiritsugu saved me. In other words, one year since he…
"It's the anniversary of his death." I quietly stated while standing a short distance behind Irisviel.
She solemnly nodded while keeping her gaze affixed to the photo of them. They looked so happy… I thought to myself while beginning to feel as though I'm intruding.
"That's right." Irisviel finally answered. "He was a great man… Um, Shirou? You normally go and play with your friend on these Saturdays, don't you? Why don't you go on ahead? I'd… rather be alone for a little while, if that's alright."
It's for that very reason, for how my morning played out, that I don't want to leave and go see Gil. It's the same thing, just a different day. All those months ago, I left to go find an answer on how I can keep Irisviel safe- how I can make her happy. And after all this time, that answer still eludes me.
"I'm so dumb…" I quietly speak to myself. "I kept meeting Gil on the basis that I'd figure out how he can help me solve that problem. Yet, all I've been doing is having fun with him and hanging out. I really am just a little kid…"
How can I make Irisviel happy? I think to myself. How can I keep her mind off such a sad tragedy?
As I wonder this to myself, I feel the blade go crazy in my pocket. My hand instinctively pulls it out, and I hold it out on my open palm before me. The crimson energy crackles around the blade and it rotates on my palm until it points toward a familiar direction. Gil…
"You're right." I state, as though I'm agreeing with the object. "If I want to know so badly, why am I just sitting here pouting? I should just ask him flat-out."
I traverse my normal route to get there. After getting off the train and hiking up through the woods, I soon find myself approaching the familiar scent of cooked meat and the distant glow of his classic campfire.
I arrive at the edge of the clearing to find Gil facing the fire with his back towards me. He's poking the coals with a stick while humming a tune unfamiliar to me. As I go to call out to him, he beats me to the punch and cuts me off.
"You're late." He states simply. There wasn't really any hints of anger or jealousy in his voice. It sounded merely like he was saying it as a matter of fact, or an observation.
"I was… held up with something back home." I dodgily answer, not really wanting to go into the whole situation with him.
He doesn't respond, so after a moment of waiting I approach the fire and take a seat on the log next to him. His face looks more serious than normal, as if he expected me to arrive with the intention of asking him a serious inquiry.
"I started to think you weren't going to show up today." He finally speaks up, sounding just as matter-of-factly as before. "…Well? You've got something you want to ask me, don't you?"
I have the urge to ask him how he's so sure, but instead I decide to cut to the chase and be direct with him.
"Gil if…" I begin, not entirely sure how to word the question, "if there's a woman you love, and she's become really distraught and upset about something, how can you cheer her up and win her affection? How can you let her know that you're there for her, and that she'll be safe so long as you are?"
Gil doesn't immediately respond to my lengthy query. He appears to be deep in thought as he's stoking his fire. Eventually, he finally answers.
"The best way to capture the heart of a woman as you've described, is to show a display of skill, strength, or wealth. Given you don't really have strength or wealth at your disposal, your best bet is to probably show off your skill."
I stare at him in confusion, having no idea on how I should go about that. He notices my confusion and continues to elaborate.
"As far as what display of skill you should attempt… how about hunting an animal and offering it to her as a token of affection? This would also satisfy your other desire of showing her you can keep her safe."
His suggestion doesn't sound terrible, but…
"Where would I even begin when it comes to hunting an animal?" I ask him, having no clue. "Also, what kind should I even try to hunt? I don't know where to start…"
Gil waves his hand dismissively as I audibly worry about his suggestion.
"You worry too much." He tells me, confidently. "I've already shown you the basics of how I hunt, have I not? You definitely have what it takes to poach yourself something of note, I guarantee it. As for what exactly you should kill to offer her… the more magnificent or stronger the creature, the more impressive."
As he finishes talking, he gestures to the fire. For the first time, I notice the source of the cooked meat scent I smelled earlier. I boar is skinned and spitroasted over the fire. Its mouth is stuffed with a ripe apple, sandwiched between its impressively massive tusks.
"This big hog is a good enough example, I suppose." He states calmly. "I happened upon it this morning while I was out hunting and thought it'd be quite a treat for us to eat when you arrived. Regardless, something of this scale should more than suffice."
I fidget where I sit nervously, still not quite sold on the idea. Not to mention, if I messed up when trying to hunt something like this boar, things could go south pretty quickly. I feel especially confident in such a sentiment as I continue staring at its deadly tusks. Gil notices my hesitance and sighs.
"If you're that scared," he begins, "then, like I said, it needn't be a 'strong' creature. A magnificent one would serve just as nicely. Find a creature that is undoubtedly, objectively beautiful, and slay it as a gift for her."
I decide that, since he hasn't led me astray so far, I may as well give his suggestion a try. He brightens up and smiles once I nod to him.
"What would I use to hunt the creature, though?" I ask him, still not sure on that part.
"I will help you construct a tool to get the job done." He answers while grabbing a knife off the log and beginning to carve into the roasting boar. "But, before that, let us dig in. It would be such a waste to let meat like this go to waste."
Gil leads me across the campsite after we finish our meal. After reaching the other side, he jumps up and grabs onto a low-hanging branch. I watch him ascend the tree branches until he arrives at one with several things draped over the branch. He eyes them all up before deciding on a smaller one and dropping down to the ground before me.
"What's that?" I ask him, perplexed.
"It's a rabbit pelt." He answers while presenting it to me. "I treated and tanned it out on those upper branches. We are going to use the leather from it for your weapon."
"My weapon?" He nods at my parroted question.
"Yes," Gil continues, "but unfortunately all the wood around here is of such pitiable quality. Luckily, I brought my walking stick along today, so I suppose we can just use that."
He leads me back across the camp to the fire. Leaning against the log is a thin branch, about as tall as either of us. It's a tad paler than most of the other trees around us in this forest. Gil grabs it as we arrive.
"Is that the walking stick you referred to?" I ask curiously.
"Yes, indeed." He answers while offering it to me. "I hope you appreciate this gift. It may look like just any old elm branch, but it is of the highest quality! …though, at the end of the day I suppose it is just any old elm branch."
I accept the stick and briefly bow my head gratefully.
"Of course, I appreciate it." I assure him. "However, how am I going to hunt anything with this? I doubt you expect me to just beat an animal down?"
"No, no. Of course not. That's what the rabbit leather will be for. We're going to construct you a spear."
I tilt my head at him in confusion. A spear? It boggles my mind that he seems to be under the impression I know how to handle a spear, but I set that fact aside for now.
"A spear requires a spear tip." I remind him.
"I believe you have a perfectly fine spear tip on you now, no?" He immediately shoots back at me.
I look at him in confusion, again, having no clue what he's referring to. It then dawns on me, the only thing he could be talking about. I pull the makeshift knife from my pocket and look to him curiously. He nods at my questioning gaze.
"Precisely." He confirms with his voice. "Now, let us begin constructing it."
I try to voice my protest at the idea of turning my special knife into a spear, but he has already begun slicing the rabbit pelt into ribbons of leather. I decide to put my hesitance to the side and just follow Gil's plan through till the end.
After a bit of fiddling and assistance from Gil, I hold a meager spear in my grip. I feel a strange, alien feeling at having my signature knife affixed to the end of a spear but decide I don't dislike the feeling.
"Alright, what's next?" I ask Gil, eager for my next instruction.
He waves his hand at me once more while returning to his log. Once he's seated, he simply smiles at me.
"That's for you to decide." He answers. "There's plenty of prey in this forest, probably even some within your neighborhood- if you know where to look. However, that's on your shoulders to discover. After all, what value will the gift really have if someone else helped you every step along the way?"
I grow a little deflated at learning that he didn't plan on helping me any further, but decide that I ultimately agree that it wouldn't mean much if he assisted me anymore than this. I look to the sky and realize, from its golden hue, that sunset won't be too far off now. I guess I better head back and hope I find some good prey between here and home. I turn to face Gil.
"Thank you, Gil." I thank him sincerely. "Your assistance means a lot to me. I have faith that your plan will work perfectly… You're- you're a good friend."
His eyes light up in surprise as I say this. His fire poking stick drops from his hand and clatters atop the fire before going up in flames itself. For the first time, I see an expression across his face that I've never seen before. Sadness?
"Friends, huh?" he asks me, in a tone that I can't discern whether it hints laughter or crying. "You consider us friends?"
I stare at him in confusion. What an odd reaction…
"I mean, yeah." I respond, honestly. "Well, I… I've never really had a friend before, but I imagine this is about as good an example of friendship as one can get. At least, I was hoping we were friends after all this time, haha…"
His expression is still unreadable to me, it just looks as though he can't comprehend what I'm saying.
"Friends…" He mutters while staring at the fire. "Yeah… you're my friend."
He looks at me and I feel shocked at what I see. He gives me a smile, but it's different from all the other times. It's not snarky, there's no condescending air about it, and it doesn't look forced. Is this… his genuine smile?
"Go ahead and get out of here, Shirou." He urges me while turning to look away from me. I wait to see what else he has to say, and just as I'm about to assume there's nothing more, he pipes up again. "I'll see you again next Saturday, right? Be sure to tell me all about how she reacted to your present then!"
I can't help but smile at his request and nod my head towards the back he's keeping faced at me.
"Of course!" I shout while turning on my heel. "Until then!"
With that, I run into the forest to return home. As I run, I keep my eyes peeled for something worthy of being hunted. I have to fight the urge not to try and chuck my spear at every songbird and woodland critter I see. Whatever I kill has to be impressive. I have no doubt I'll find something worthy to present to Irisviel.
I stand in my backyard, all determination and exuberance extinguished from my eyes.
"How did I not find a single good animal the whole way here?!" I shout to the sky above.
I never would've guessed it would be this hard… Gil makes it look like a cake walk. I mean, he has meat cooking on the fire every single time I visit him! After reaching the edge of the forest and not finding anything that struck my fancy, I decided I would just settle for something. I then scoured the forest edge for an entire hour without finding anything. Eventually I had to just pack it up and return home if I wanted to make it back before dark.
"What a waste of time…" I grumble while dropping the spear and sitting down on the back porch.
…I guess it was a silly idea anyway. I tell myself. I instantly feel regret at my thoughts- at the idea of just sitting idly by until Irisviel gets over this sadness on her own. Is there really nothing I can do?
As I think this, I take note of the spear lying on the ground, and the direction its pointing. Just a short distance away from its tip, I see a shadow on the grass of the backyard. A… bird?
I look up and to my left to see the origin of the shadow. Sitting perched, atop a powerline pole, is a large, blue bird. I feel myself taken slightly aback by the beauty of the avian creature. A blue bird? I've never seen one like it, is it a foreign species?
After taking note of it, I suddenly realize that this could be my one chance. I quietly rise to my feet and pick up the newly crafted spear. Once standing, I hoist the spear back and aim at the bird.
For a moment, I hesitate. Do I really want to kill this innocent bird? Will killing it really change anything? Will Irisviel even like it if I give it to her as a gift? All these questions bombard me at once and, alongside them, a strange feeling. I feel as though, if I do indeed kill this bird, something will happen. Certain events will be put into motion that I cannot describe.
Despite these questions- despite this sudden, inexplicable fear, I still choose to throw that spear with all my might.
As the spear tears through the air from my throw, I half-expect it to not hit. The bird is really high up, not to mention far away. And, despite throwing it as hard as I can, it was a puny throw- fitting of a child. Despite harboring these worries, fate overcomes my expectations.
I briefly see a spark of red across the length of the spear, before my entire vision becomes plagued with monotone redness. As I'm blinded by the glaring flash of crimson, I hear a pained "CAWWWWW" tear through the sky, before everything suddenly returns to normal.
Having my vision restored, I hesitantly look across the yard. To my surprise, the bird lies atop the grass- the spear lodged in its chest and standing straight up.
I rush through the halls of our house, spear in one hand and bird in the other. I'm slightly winded from running so fast, but my excitement far outpaces that of my tiredness. Finally, I arrive at the dojo and burst through the doors.
"Irisviel!" I call out to her, exhausted. "This is for you."
She turns to look as I lift the bird, with its magnificent blue feathers, up towards her. As soon as her eyes fall upon me, they widen in surprise. At least, I assumed it to be surprise, but I soon find out that it is shock.
"Shirou?" She asks while jumping to her feet. "What in the world did you do?!"
I sit with my head lowered, eyes focused on the aggravated soil a short distance away, with a small stick embedded in the ground behind it to act as a makeshift tombstone. As punishment, Irisviel made me dig the poor bird a little grave to bury it in. Her words blare on repeat in my head, as I sit ashamed.
"What were you thinking? How could you kill a beautiful bird like that? What would make you want to do such a thing? Why would that make me feel better? All life is precious! You should never kill something like that when there's no reason to!"
"It's just like I thought…" I whisper to myself. "I'm just some stupid kid…"
How could I have not remembered… Wait, remembered what? I try to think back upon feeling this bizarre sense of déjà vu. Did I forget something…?
"Life is… precious?" I mutter while clutching the side of my head. "I remember a bright glow and… and she said something else."
As I try my hardest, I slowly begin to remember. This is the anniversary of it, after all. The anniversary that the lesson wasn't just learned, but carved into my body- my very soul. The importance of life…
Subconsciously, a wide grin breaks across my face.
"…he… hehehe." An unexpected giggle rises from within me.
"Hehe… he-hAHAHAH!" The quiet chuckle rapidly evolves into laughter- loud, hysterical laughter. I can't believe how stupid I am!
"Ha! Of course, of course!" I shout to the skies above, as I rise up to my feet. "Of course, life is precious, how could I have forgotten?"
I walk away from the small grave, across the yard and to the ground the bird first fell upon. A lone feather rests on the grass.
"She said it herself, after all." I mutter through the crack of my smile. "To save one life… means not saving another." With that in mind, this rule of equivalent exchange, life is indeed very important.
"Just as currency, our lives function the same."
I reach down and pluck the single, blue feather from the blades of grass, speckled with drops of blood.
The concept Archer,
I snap the spear I made in two, about halfway down.
Saving one life at the cost of another,
I pull another leather strip from my pocket while simultaneously pinning the feather to the base of the shortened spear.
And this.
I wrap and tie the leather band around the feather until it's fastened tightly, transforming the weapon into its optimal form. A makeshift arrow rests within my grip. It is not fancy, it isn't flashy, and it hardly even looks as though it could be shot in a straight line.
But, to me, it looks beautiful.
I lift the fruit of my labor up, mesmerized, until I hold it in front of the setting sun on the distant horizon. The golden light haloes the weapon, as I keep it lifted towards the sky. As I gaze upon it, I feel a heavy weight lift from my body- and I can feel all my worries dissipating. In this moment, I place all of my hopes, all my dreams and wishes, within this arrow.
And because of that, for only a fleeting moment, I know my wish has been granted.
The image blurs, and the sun starts dimming. As the corners of the memory obscure into darkness, I realize the sequence of events are coming to a close. This must be the final day of the year Merlin referred to.
I wait expectantly to be enveloped in darkness once more but find that the memory hasn't come to a close just yet.
"shirou…? Shirou? Shirou!"
The familiar, concerned voice, snaps me from my stupor. I rip my attention from the arrow and turn around to see Irisviel walking across the yard to me, looking puzzled.
"Is everything alright Shirou?" Irisviel asks me, concerned. "I heard a ruckus out here. It sounded like you were shouting or something."
"Huh? O-Oh, I was just excited about something." I clumsily respond while lowering my head. "I'm sorry."
I hear her sigh while gently patting my head.
"You're not still upset about me scolding you, right?" she asks, sounding sympathetic. "I suppose I may have been a little too hard on you. I just… don't want to see you act so crass and unkind, it's not like you. But, I know you were just trying to cheer me up."
I unknowingly bite my lip at her words. Briefly, a sensation washes over me that makes me want to cry. I feel an inexplainable, unimaginable amount of regret at her words- but I suppress the feeling.
"D-Don't worry, Irisviel!" I confidently declare. "From here on out, I'll try even harder. I will work and fight as hard as I can. I'll become a man that you can rely on! One that will pave the way for a happy, comfortable future- just for you!"
My face grows blush at my passionate declaration. Particularly the last part, which I unintentionally shouted out.
"Well, look at you." She happily responds with a warm smile. "My little hero."
She pulls me in for a hug, which I can only begrudgingly return. I can tell from her reaction. She doesn't understand the weight behind the promise I just made her. But… that's fine. As long as I can keep her safe.
Irisviel begins walking back to the house while leading me by the hand. She looks down at me with a reassuring smile and playfully flexes her free arm.
"If that's the case, I'm not going to let myself fall behind!" she promises. "I'm going to work even harder to be the best mommy I can. We'll lift each other up and live happily… together."
The memory diminishes to the point I can no longer see a clear image. I still feel the sensation of walking together with Irisviel, along with the feelings I held within back on that day. However, just as I assume the memory is truly over, I hear one final thing from my child self.
"Hey… Irisviel? I just wanted to say that, whenever I go back to school, there's a sport I was interested in taking up. I want to be an Archer."
Archer…
My eyes weakly flutter open. I stare up from where I am lying down, in the dark room. Once my eyes finally adjust, I look around to discern the familiar shape of my bedroom. Lying on either side of me, is Saber and Irisviel.
I feel a myriad of emotions, but most prominently relief. They're… alive. And so am I, it seems. No sooner after ensuring they're real, and that I'm not dreaming, I rise from the futon and walk to the door. I can tell my limbs and insides feel oddly numb and alien, but I hardly acknowledge it.
I walk through the hall until I arrive at the front door. After slipping on my shoes and a jacket off the coat rack, I exit the house. The night sky is dark and cloudy, with not a single star shining. I can feel Archer's eyes on me, from wherever his invisible perch is. I don't bother calling out or looking for him. Instead, I continue onwards, leaving the property.
The library… I have to get to the library. It's time to crack down and form my own strategy. I have to figure out what the hell happened in that year, and what I'm supposed to do with the knowledge of it that I've reclaimed. On top of that, I must decide the quickest way to finish this damn War.
…Before it's too late.