Chapter 4: Dangerous Pasta Noodles
Disclaimer is in the first chapter.
"It smells in here," Neville commented, as he landed with a slight splat on the floor.
"Well, we've got to make the antechamber seem untouched," Hermione said, landing more neatly. "How's your transfiguration going?"
"Better," Neville replied. "I'm still having problems with it, but it's not so bad. Breaking the locks helped a bit, I think. A bit more with potions. A lot with my Herbology."
"You've all got Hallowe'en covered?" Ginny asked, as they approached the statue of Salazar Slytherin.
"Quite nicely. It's going to take some complicated magic, but we can pull it off," Hermione said, casting a Human-Repelling Charm at the base of some pillars. "Now, what's on the agenda?"
Harry checked his papers. "Occlumency, souls, and… human transfiguration."
"Look. We get that you're –"
" – an ugly git. Honestly, you're –"
" – scrawny, specky –"
" – and your face looks like Buckbeak's. But why –"
" – pray tell –"
" – would you endeavour –"
" – to change us?" the twins asked.
Harry rolled his eyes as Ron burst out laughing. "Funny. It's part of our strategy. We'll get to it when we discuss it fully. First, though, Occlumency. How're our shields going? I haven't let him in my head for about three months, if you don't count break."
"None of us 6th years have ever felt anything," Lee said. "Even with the soul thing. We do feel it in Snape's class, though."
Hermione nodded in affirmation. "He always uses low level Legilimency to find out things. I think it's part defence mechanism, part attitude. You can defend against that?" Hermione had become far less obedient of authority as of late, blaming Fred and George for corrupting her.
The older students nodded, as did most of the younger students. Neville raised his hand. "I can fend off Dumbledore, but not Snape."
"That sounds about right," Hermione replied. "Since you're scared of Snape still, you would have more problems. You'll get there eventually. We're all practicing every night?"
They all nodded at her and she smiled. "Good. From what I've learned, that, coupled with the soul extension, should make it come naturally to us. It'll be a great help. Next up… souls."
Lee coughed. "Mine's being weird."
"How so?" Hermione asked.
He shrugged. "Just weird. I tried to do the thing you taught us, where we draw on the magic from inside of ourselves rather than through a wand, but now I can barely feel anything."
"Luna?" Harry asked. Luna wandered over to Lee. They had found out she was far more sensitive to magic than the rest of them, so that she could see their souls, so long as they weren't locked down. That explained many of her oddities – picking up on Wrackspurts, how she was always in a dream, her odd way of picking up disguised people.
"It's been tied down again," she said, softly. "Possibly a potion in your food. I would get anything straight from the house elves for the next few days. They really are the most wonderful creatures…" she trailed off dreamily.
"Thanks, Luna," Lee said, and she smiled back.
"We can all levitate things now," Ginny said. "What's next?"
Hermione pulled out a book. "Here's the thing. We continue strengthening our links to our magic, and it becomes progressively easier. It took us all about a year to start to block the Legilimency, and another, either in tandem or not, to learn to levitate objects. We should be able to progress to instinctive shield charms in about six months."
Fred whistled in awe. "That's pretty damn useful. Anything else?"
Hermione shook her head. "It'll all come as a result, now. If we continue to use our minds rather than wands to levitate – we could disguise it somehow, I guess – we could go even faster than that. As we learn, it'll become more instinctive. In their primes, Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin were both capable of duelling with their minds – although it took a lot of effort, since they only learned as adults. Godric Gryffindor and Helga Hufflepuff could both do basic spells without a wand – although all four carried their wands, as it made them more powerful. That's why they were so great."
Ron nodded slowly. "We could continue to build that up, but always carry wands, too. That way, we can trick people into thinking we're reliant on them and lull them into false security."
Harry thought for a moment. "Right. We could practice by holding our wands but using our minds. No-one would notice unless they looked closely. Just basic things. Levitation – how far off's summoning, Hermione?"
"Fairly close, actually. Magic works on intent, that's why we say the words. Since levitation and summoning aren't too far off, so long as we have adequate power, we should all be able to do it. Although I'd learn it with a wand first."
George grinned. "Okay. Boring stuff out of the way. What about changing your ugly mug, Harry?"
"Yeah, the sooner, the better," Fred agreed.
Harry fought the urge to smack Ron as he nearly fell over. "It's not for changing my face! All of us need an extra identity, and for that, we need to learn basic human transfiguration. I was thinking we should look similar, but not so much that we look like whacked out versions of ourselves."
"Why do we need an extra identity?" Neville asked. "Okay, my name isn't the most flattering, but I'm fine with how I look."
Harry nodded. "Yes, but we've been planning this for two years, and we figured something out. Tell them, Hermione."
Hermione beamed. "Well, there are two parts. First of all, the Wizengamot. Since a few of us hold seats that we can technically use, it makes sense to have another identity to claim them with. You can take a blood test that only shows your ancestry, which we can then use to take back the seats we need. I can claim Bellerose and Duguay, Harry can claim Potter and Newcomb, Sirius can claim Black, or Harry can claim it by proxy. Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George's parents can claim Weasley and Prewett, which they have already. Neville, your grandmother should be in possession of Longbottom. Lee, your family has a serious claim as immigrant wizards, though you'd have to do a mountain of paperwork. And Luna, your father holds Lovegood and could possibly claim more, if there was anything that came through your mother's side. All these seats, apart from Longbottom, I'm pretty sure are currently in the hands of the Supreme Mugwump."
"And since we don't want Dumbles to know what we're doing, we need new identities," Harry finished.
"That'll be three identities. More than enough to confuse everyone," Ron added. "One faceless, and two with faces. The key will be to differentiate the three so they don't bear resemblance to each other."
"So, have you figured out how you're going to project yourself? Since you obviously can't be a scrawny, specky git like yourself." Fred smirked as Harry felt a headache start to come on.
"My name," he said, slowly and carefully, "Will be Adonis John Potter. I'm a pureblood wizard whose branch of the family moved to Spain, but then moved back to Ireland when I was a child, hence my lack of accent. I have now moved to Britain in order to claim my seats. I have the Potter hair, but I'm about 20 and short. My eyes are gold – that's a Newcomb trait, and should cover up my most defining feature."
"Shouldn't it pass to you straight up, though?" Neville asked, trying to wrap his head around politics and deciding not to even try.
"Nope. Still a minor. That means an older member of my house can hold the Lordship in my stead, overwhelming my magical guardian, so long as I agree. And of course, I didn't even know what seats were. I thought they were talking about chairs."
"Told you he was dumb as a brick," George whispered. "Ow!" he added, as Harry shot a stinging hex at him.
"My name's Emma Clemence Granger. I'm 22, average sized, and grew up in Paris. I decided to move over here after discovering much of my family in this region has died out, and I am hoping to extend ties with them. I have Granger eyes, dark brown, but Duguay complexion – that's freckles and a tan to you. And Bellerose hair – it's auburn and curly," Hermione said. "I hope you guys don't hate that, I put a while into researching it."
"Lucius Malfoy's going to have a heart attack, he'll think you're another Weasley coming to take over," Ginny sniggered, making Hermione flush and cough slightly. "I want to see that. How are you going to do the French thing, though?"
Hermione frowned. "I can speak French."
"You can – of course she can speak French," Ron sighed. "Make the rest of us feel stupid, why don't you…"
"What're you going to do, Luna?" Ginny asked. "Why doesn't your father use his seat?"
"Daddy doesn't have the time," Luna said dreamily. "Besides, there are just so many Wrackspurts flying around the Ministry. It's the politics."
"Why don't you go?" Neville asked. "While you're not helping him. Not as yourself, of course, no-one would take you seriously – no offence."
"None taken," Luna replied serenely. "Yes, that's good, but I'd need to know I have allies, or it would become frightfully bad for my disposition."
In the end, Luna agreed to go as a newly 17-year-old witch named Circe Lavinia Lovegood – because as Ron said, anyone could believe in a random Lovegood wandering in out of nowhere. She would simply look like an older version of herself with darker hair and wear makeup. Lee said he would investigate his family's rights so long as they shared the paperwork out, and maybe send his father in his stead. As for his new appearance, he decided to call himself Hardwin Werner Jordan, short and around 25, with cropped hair to throw off any suspicion. Neville created a persona named Julius Longbottom, 6'2", 23 and blonde, designed as his complete antithesis. The Weasleys were a right mess.
"Should we be identical, though, Georgie?"
"Good point. I mean, there can only be so many twins out there."
"I'm still more handsome than you."
"We're identical, Freddie, you git."
"If you're a git, I'm a git."
"Shut up!" Ginny complained. "Will you get over here and tell us whether you're part of the family, or not?"
"What family?" The twins asked as one.
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Ron and I are taking the Prewett name."
"You're extinct." Fred said flatly.
George nodded. "Mum's the only one left."
"We moved to America during the revolution but moved back because the muggles were getting too dangerous, especially in Texas," Ron said seriously. "They've got firelegs."
"Four Prewetts showing up while 4 Weasleys are incognito is going to raise a lot of eyebrows," Harry mused. "Perhaps the twins should branch off after all."
"It's not like we admit you're family anyway," Fred nodded cheerily.
"Well," Ginny said, as the twins put their heads together and started conspiring, "All Prewetts are redheads, so that fixes that issue. I'll have green eyes and… make me taller and broader. Like the twins. You can call me Iolanthe Prewett."
Hermione nodded, scribbling it down, then looked to Ron, who said, "Hazel eyes, wipe the freckles, snub nose, and about 2 inches shorter. I'll be Rionach Prewett."
Harry peeped over at Hermione's notes, then turned to the twins, who were still whispering animatedly to each other. "Are you guys ready?"
Fred nodded. "Introducing Julius –"
" – and Titus –" George added.
"Selwyn-Grey." They both bowed as they finished together.
"What's with the accents?" Lee asked with a snort.
"My dear man!" Fred cried. "By the shine of my golden hair!"
"We're from the land of Oz," George continued imperiously. "Seek my blue eyes, you know it to be true!"
"Dorks," Ginny sniggered. "Prove it. Bring one of those things… what do you call it…"
"Kangaroo," Hermione said.
"Kangaroo? An easy task," Fred scoffed.
"We're bringing a crocodile," George said with pride.
"Crikey," Luna murmured, not quite concentrating again, as Hermione whimpered something about how there would probably be a crocodile in the lake by next Tuesday.
"Great," Harry said, ignoring the weirdness in front of him. "That's that done, we can focus on getting the spells covered by the end of the year. That's all, then."
"I can't wait to see what you guys pull off," Ron said, as they trooped back up to the castle proper.
Harry smirked a smirk that would have made Salazar Slytherin himself proud. "So do I, Ron, so do I."
"Ooh," Lavender sighed. "They have such a pretty uniform…"
Parvati nodded in agreement. "It makes ours look so gross…"
"I can't believe Viktor Krum's still in school!" Seamus exclaimed.
As the feast began and food appeared on everyone's plates, Ron shot Harry a quizzical glance before grabbing a platter of chicken. Harry distinctly saw Hermione roll her eyes, to which Ron responded by looking down at his food as if it was going to grow legs and run off. With a sigh, Hermione picked up a little food and started eating herself. Ron, seeming satisfied that nothing was going to explode in his face, began stuffing himself.
Harry looked over to the Ravenclaw table and caught sight of Moaning Myrtle talking with Luna. Myrtle didn't exactly look happy, but she wasn't crying, which was always an improvement. She'd listened in on a few parts of the Hallowe'en plot and with a little coaxing had agreed to appear at the feast – after all, it would be nice to see someone else made fun of. Myrtle was interesting when she wasn't busy moping – shy with Harry, flirty with the other boys, serious with Hermione, and plotting and slightly evil alongside Ginny. Honestly, it was probably dangerous.
At around Ron's third helping – which honestly didn't take long – Ginny finally kicked the plan into gear with the activation key – a very specific sentence they'd spent ages rehearsing beforehand. Turning to Colin Creevey, she chirped, "I think it'll be very interesting to have the other schools here. After the whole snake thing, and then the dementors, I think a little International spirit is just what we need. Shame about the Quidditch, though."
As she finished, Harry started counting down in his head. Ten, nine, eight…
"I hear Durmstrang teaches the Dark Arts," a fifth-year whispered to another.
Seven, six, five, four…
"Did you see that girl? Gorgeous…"
Three, two, one, zero.
Right on cue, Fred's snuff-it-out charm (at least, that was what he had proudly declared it) extinguished every candle and Jack-o-Lantern in the hall, plunging it into darkness. A few girls screamed, a few more squealed, a couple of people swore, and someone from the opposite side of the hall started grumbling about 'Damn whiskey'. Moody fired a jinx off into the hall, Dumbledore stayed silent, and Snape simply looked more like a bat than ever.
"Lumos," Flitwick said, lighting up most of the staff table for the students. Harry started counting again. Five, four…
"All seems fine," Flitwick commented to McGonagall.
Three, two, one, zero.
There was a loud thumping noise, like an elephant's footstep. Then another, and another, louder and louder until the floor seemed to be shaking. The doors to the hall burst open, and in walked a troll exactly like the one that had rampaged through the dungeons in first year. It was quickly flanked by another, then two more, smaller ones. A couple of people screamed. Half of Ravenclaw had their wands out; Hufflepuff seemed to be considering whether the trolls were simply hungry. Gryffindor looked like it was about to start throwing plates. The Beauxbatons delegation looked disapproving and unnerved at the same time – Madame Maxime looked like she might take the trolls on herself if it touched her students. The Durmstrang contingent looked mildly interested. Meanwhile, the trolls lumbered up the staff table, causing everyone in its way to either scramble away or draw their wand. The leader reached its destination, stared at the shocked staff, raised its club (to several more screams and half a dozen hexes) and brought it down directly at the Headmaster, who looked like he was seriously regretting his wine. It made contact with the table –
BOOM.
The trolls exploded in a cloud of dust, nothing but an apparition. Dumbledore jumped in shock as he was covered in soot but regained his composure. Nothing but a silly prank, anyway…
There was the sound of firecrackers going off, and the Jack-o-Lanterns, now magically enchanted, flickered back into life, spewing sparks everywhere. A few set fire to the tables nearby, causing the tables' inhabitants to hurriedly put them out. Then, out of the darkness, glowing letters appeared.
Greetings, Hogwarts and guests.
For those who do not know us, we are The Gang.
We brought you trouble last year, and will continue to do so this year.
We are still around, and we are still recruiting.
You. You know who you are, and you know what you did.
Since you're all here together, we figured it's time to show some house spirit…
Happy Hallowe'en. Something always seems to go wrong, so we thought we'd celebrate the anniversary of the 'Troll in the Bathroom' incident.
Enjoy the peace while it lasts.
Love, Mister Honeysnout, Miss Wishbone, Mister Silver, and Co.
With that, the message faded away into pinpricks of light that fell, glittering, down onto the watching people as Fred's snuff-it-out charm finally failed and the lights turned back on.
"I knew they weren't gone," Ron grinned as soon as the chatter came back into the hall.
"That was scary," Lavender said in a small voice.
"What do you think they were saying about that mystery person?" Hermione asked thoughtfully.
"Trust you to ask a question like that," Dean grinned.
"That was good," Ron murmured, not really concentrating to Harry as they left the feast. They slipped through the door, and Harry smiled as the final piece fell into place, magic washing over them just strongly enough for him to feel. Ron, however, frowned. "But what was that about House Spirit?"
Harry smirked and pulled at the Gryffindor crest on his robes. "Notice anything?"
Ron squinted. "Well, I – blimey, Harry, that looks a little – BLOODY HELL!"
Instead of the normal fiercely growling lion, there was a decidedly more goofy looking one with lopsided eyes. Beneath it, instead of the normal house name, were two words proudly proclaiming Harry was of the house 'Fluffy Kitties'. Harry pointed to his head, too, and Ron blinked as her realised his family appeared to have acquired a new member, if the bright red mop was anything to go by.
"What else happened?" Ron asked, vaguely as not to arouse suspicion.
Hermione shrugged. "Well, if Luna's anything to go by, Ravenclaw has been renamed 'KFC' and all the members are now sporting blue hair."
"My kind of house," Ron beamed. Hermione had introduced him to KFC once and sorely regretted it. "What about Hufflepuff?" He craned his neck to look at the students around him. "Hey, MacMillan!"
"Weasley?" Ernie replied.
"What's on your House Crest?"
Ernie blinked before looking down. "Hufflepuff – wait – that doesn't say Hufflepuff – I – Ili –"
Hannah Abbot looked at it for him. "I live right next to the kitchens and I bite."
"I don't bite!" Ernie protested.
Hannah giggled, slung an arm over his shoulder, and led the pompous boy off.
"I wonder what's on Slytherin?" Seamus wondered as he sat on his bed in pyjamas, gazing at his robes.
Neville gave a contented sigh before handing a photo to him. "See for yourself," he said, before adding, in response to Seamus's raised eyebrow, "Ginny got it off Colin."
Draco Malfoy was scowling at the camera, hair an acid green colour, trying and failing to cover up a crest that loudly declared he was from house 'Dangerous Pasta Noodles'.