A Profitable Summer

Stan Pines wasn't known for being agreeable. Negotiable, maybe, but that came with the job of running the Mystery Shack. Coming across a decision that made both parties happy (whether or not he was scamming a none-the-wiser customer) could have been second nature. No matter what the compromise, Stan had lived long enough on the shady side of the law to know how to get the better end of a deal. So when he got a surprise call from his younger relatives asking for help, the gruelly old man couldn't help but feel surprised. And a little cheated.

Doing someone a "favor" was equivalent to signing yourself up for slavery. You never had the upper hand and there was no guarantee the act of service would be repaid. The very thought of lowering himself to such a standard made Stan's stomach churn; he might as well ask to be taken advantage of. Pretending the phone line was cut would be so easy, but the only thing stronger than his need for control was his drive for curiosity. He could have guessed hundreds of reasons why they would need to contact him, but becoming a full-time babysitter for the summer was nowhere near his expectations.

Stan's first instinct was to laugh. And he wasn't afraid to, either. They had to hang up and call back later to give him time to adjust to the absurdness of the idea. Kids? In his house? There was no way he'd subject himself to that.

"What do I look like, a nanny? Ha, ha! You guys must be desperate… what? You're not joking?"

Admittedly so, the ordeal made Stan a tad uneasy. Not the responsibilities that came with having two kids to look after, but the shallow point for him to do so. Sure it'd be an easy solution for the parents, but Stan was having a hard time deciphering where in the equation he would benefit. Was there supposed to be some sort of personal reward that comes with taking care of children? Yeah; he didn't think so.

Then again he didn't have what one may call a surplus in employees. Perhaps two extra pairs of hands could prove useful. Stan would take any help he could get, considering Wendy never worked and Soos is… Soos. And the best part, as long as they live under his roof he wouldn't have to pay them!

"You got yourself a deal."

Of course that was before he took into account what this meant for him. Not once had he been obligated to look after anyone other than himself, but how hard could it be? The kids were twelve a piece, surely they could take life in their own hands without constant surveillance. It wasn't one of his best cash-grabbing schemes, but at least it was good for something.

Stan reserved a grand tour of the Mystery Shack for the day Dipper and Mabel arrived. With a smile meant to charm, he led the twins through the less-than exotic exhibits, narrating every attraction they walked past the same way he would on duty. He had to break character several times to keep the kids from touching everything they saw, specifically Mabel, and every once in a while he had to refute a challenge from Dipper about how credible his displays really were, but otherwise things were working out alright.

Mabel's eyes sparkled. "Ooh, what's that?"

Stan lifted the object out of her reach. "Don't touch that."

She moved on to the next shiny object. "Woah, and that!"

Again Stan had to intercept. "Don't touch that, either."

Dipper wasn't as eager as his sister. His arms folded over his chest, he took a good look at his surroundings before looking up at his great uncle. "You call these things mysteries?"

"You like?" Stan easily slipped into his advertising business man mode. He picked up a taxidermied animal mount. "I give you the elusive jackalope!"

Mabel squealed and reached out to pet it. However Dipper narrowed his eyes. "I can see the glue on the antlers."

Stan blinked and tossed the mount aside. "Moving on."

He made sure to introduce Wendy and Soos as well, who both took an immediate liking to his great niece and nephew.

"'Sup," was Wendy's go at a first impression, shooting them a finger-pistol and a smirk. Stan was less than impressed, but Dipper and Mabel bought into it.

"Can I braid your hair?" asked Mabel as she stared at the seemingly impossible amount of volumized locks.

Wendy shrugged. "Sure, okay. Just wait until my shift is over."

Dipper put his hands on the counter in an attempt to look taller. "You work for Stan?"

"Yup. Me and Soos here,"

Soos was equally inviting, tipping his cap as a way of greeting. "Hey dudes. Heard you guys were related or something. Guess that makes us all a big happy family." His shoulders shook at his joke.

With no regards for her surroundings Mabel grinned. "I like him."

Finding room for the kids wasn't a chore. The attic was originally a depot that no one used, so putting in a pair of twin beds was an easy enough task. Stan ended the tour at the door, waving an arm in finality at the wooded space before them.

"I took the liberty to write out your daily work schedules," Stan explained and pointed to a whiteboard leaning up against the wall. "Well, see you in an hour!" He slammed the door vigorously and left the kids to themselves.

Retreating downstairs, Stan clapped his hands together at his own handiwork. Aside from Mabel's clingy nature and Dipper's skeptical mindset, the professional con man was certain that he made the right choice. More work for them means less work for him. He had a feeling it was going to be a great, profitable summer.

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