Chapter 7: Political Weaponry
Disclaimer is in the first chapter.
Responses to Reviews at the bottom.
Harry smirked to himself as a blustering wizard steadily turned redder and redder in the face. Hermione, as Emma, was calmly reading through a sheet of parchment – the sheet meant to allow her to take her seat. According to the page, she was not an offshoot of the main line as the real Hermione was, but the descendant of a second son – enough to be legitimate, but not enough to cause problems when Hermione was fully grown. Half the Wizengamot had protested the new arrivals, but they hadn't factored in the entire Golden trio working on the permission sheets. In between Harry thinking up strange wording, Hermione finding obscure laws, and Ron being permanently seven steps into the future, everything was entirely watertight.
The ascension Circe Lovegood had passed with little problem. Nobody wanted the Lovegood seat anyway, because they said anyone who sat in it became insane. This may have been true, but Luna was a little dotty anyway, so it wasn't like that was a real danger. 'Circe' had taken the Lovegood seat, sat down primly, pulled out a notebook, and started taking notes on the proceedings. Apart from a few people wondering which was the family of nutcases was going to vote, nothing much happened. Pandora had not passed a seat on – it was currently dormant, to be taken up by a proxy in 20 years if left unclaimed. The Lovegood seat, by all rights, should have had a proxy, having been dormant for 30 – but, due to the aforementioned insanity problem, the vote had been left to sleep instead. This was convenient, as barely anyone could remember or care to remember which way the Lovegoods had voted in the first place, meaning alliances were quite easily thrown out the window.
Adonis had been a little more difficult, owing to a proxy who didn't much want to move. Elphias Dodge seemed unsettled more than angry, clearly appointed by order of Dumbledore – Harry wondered if his father had ever voted on the Wizengamot. After all, he hadn't even been 25 when he died. That didn't leave a whole lot of time for things such as politics. Especially as his father had been, by all accounts, a Gryffindor in blood, body, soul, and reckless mind. Dodge spent ten whole minutes questioning 'Adonis' on his motives, going from his manner of meeting Harry to whether he might be a Death Eater in disguise, and even going so far as to question his political motives, considering that Potter had been a consistently light for the last 400 years. Eventually, 'Adonis' had lost his patience, idly suggesting a number of rather dangerous ways of ratifying his identity, including Veritaserum, oaths, and Unbreakable Vows, along with a rather obscure method of sealing magical promises that involved a lot of sand, a silver knife, and half a pint of melted goat's cheese. The bluff, for that was what is had been, at least in part, paid off. Dodge relinquished the seat, slightly reluctantly and no doubt aware of the Chief Warlock's slight off expression, but apparently satisfied that Adonis was not about to murder Harry Potter in his sleep after all.
'Emma', on the other hand, was currently explaining in rather a condescending manner to a Pavo Selwyn how she bled far more of the noble blood of house Bellerose than he ever could. And as for Lyrus Urquhart, he hadn't even a drop of Dagworth-Granger in him, and perhaps he ought to stop interfering in the affairs of another noble house.
"But the girl's a Mudblood," Lyrus whined.
"He's right, you know," a short, stubby Ministry employee simpered. "The girl was born to Muggles of all things."
"That may be," Emma sneered, "Yet she holds more nobility in her blood than half of the people sitting in this room. I will be safeguarding the seat until her ascension. I came all the way from Paris for this; I will not be bowing down to some puffed-up, entitled line-thieves. I assure you, I will not be doing anything so foolish that it might… attract attention. Unless you would rather she take up the seats now? I might approach her, if you find my presence so interolerable. My claim is solid – hers is unshakeable."
"I think dear Pavo is about to explode," Circe whispered in a fascinated tone from her seat next to Adonis. "Do you think we ought to use a shield charm?"
"Oh, I'm sure he will get over it," Adonis smiled, ignoring the shocked noise two seats behind him. "Perhaps they are not quite so strict on their traditions here?"
Circe cocked her head slightly as Emma began ripping into Lyrus, displaying a massive, gaudy (and fake) lineage chart for her own and a neater, slightly less sparkly (but real) one for Hermione, as she proceeded to question his own parentage. The unfortunate man looked as if he was about to have an aneurysm. "Perhaps. Where were you from again?"
Adonis's golden eyes sparkled. "Spain. But we moved back to dear Ireland when I was very young. I must say, it's a little colder here. You?"
"Romania. The sun didn't agree with me much, and there weren't many interesting animals," Circe replied quietly. "Well, the dragons were wonderful, especially Sorin… Oh, my, your dear Emma appears to be close to committing murder in the chamber."
"Of course," Adonis replied. "All Bellerose women have rather… thorny tempers."
"They have always attracted Fluttering Butterwarps in the past," Circe agreed. "And they shall in the future."
"She's crazy…" Vega Blishwick muttered behind them.
"Oh, perhaps," Adonis smiled, turning as Vega jumped in shock. He was perfectly aware that Vega was referring to Circe, but wasn't about to let this opportunity pass by. "But I think you'll have Pavo and Lyrus back in one piece. Emma is rather skilled, she'll take care not to kill them. Don't worry."
Vega looked the opposite of comforted.
"That was ridiculously protracted," Emma sighed, delicately sitting at Adonis's other side and scribbling down the implications of a number of bills that were to be voted on. Unfortunately, they'd be evaluating this session's bills on the spot.
"I agree. Romania was a much more effective system, Emma Granger. But I'm afraid dear Xenophilius needed me, and here I am…" Luna sighed, leaning back in her seat. Wizengamot seats were magical – there were enough seats for each family, with seats sitting empty if unclaimed or melding into one if someone claimed multiple in a single name. Luna's was a simple wooden chair, with swirling carvings around the edge of the backrest and a cushion coloured midway between sapphire and silver.
"The Wizengamot calls to debate the bill on the restriction on the widths of cauldron bottoms…" Dumbledore blinked at his parchment, then looked up as an overeager Percy Weasley bounced down to the floor, speech in hand, and began a treatise on how under-standard cauldrons could endanger the safety of the wizarding community.
A slightly harassed but proud looking Arthur Weasley shifted, two rows away, shuffling what were obviously work papers around as he tried to be attentive and catch up on work at the same time. Adonis pretended to be interested, but figured he may as well just vote yes, considering how often Neville's minor potions catastrophes seemed to want to eat their way through solid stone.
The bill passed. "The Wizengamot calls to debate the bill on the standard weight used to define a pound," Dumbledore sighed, and Lucius Malfoy came down to tell everyone how they had been using a standard amount of river water, when they ought to have been using a standard amount of pure water.
"Why would he bring that up?" Adonis whispered to Emma.
"River water is heavier," Emma said vaguely.
"Pure water – is he talking about conjured water, spring water, or filtered water?" Circe asked.
"You'd have to ask him," Emma replied, noting down Lucius's name and proposed bill at the back of her notebook.
"Is he involved in business?" Adonis furrowed his brow. "That would make sense…"
"Malfoys have always been business people. Well, mostly," Circe said dreamily. "A few were tattoo artists… Lucius is such an uptight soul, is he not?"
"Mmm… Adonis frowned. "Changing the definition to lighter, pure water would cause Malfoy to make more money, since most wouldn't notice, but he'd be able to sell less stock as a single pound…"
"This is boring," Circe sighed. "I wish I were out with the thestrals."
"In an hour, Circe," Adonis said soothingly. "Now, let me think, what would this bill actually do?"
In then end, Adonis abstained, Emma voted against, and Circe voted for. The bill failed, mostly because few of the Wizengamot actually cared about whether they were using river water or pure water.
"Foolish," Adonis mused. "That would have benefited most of the people here."
Dumbledore shuffled his papers. "The Wizengamot calls to debate the bill on the restriction on inter-continental Portkeys."
Adonis watched as Rufus Scrimgeour and Rodolphus Urquhart faced off against each other. Scrimgeour was adamant that inter-continental Portkeys were a security risk, while Urquhart thought it was every pure-blood's right to use such Portkeys, as they had for generations, if they so wished to take a break.
"Finally, a complex one," Emma said eagerly, leaning forward and listening intently.
"Scrimgeour has a point," Adonis whispered. "If someone has one of those, they can just leave the country, and poof! Out of jurisdiction."
"They are the best way to travel, though," Circe murmured. "Even if they are mostly in pure-blood hands, making many rather attractive to the Wuffles."
"What do you think, Madam Longbottom?" Emma asked politely, twisting around slightly to look at Neville's gran, who was frowning to herself.
"Well, Urquhart is right, but…" Augusta Longbottom frowned, vulture wobbling precariously atop her head. "Those portkeys led a lot of Death Eaters to escape, I'm sure, in the early years of the war, including, multiple times, those reprobates who attacked my children."
"I see…" Emma murmured, before turning to Adonis. "Then again, if they'd had the portkeys themselves… this is a complex one."
"If it fails, we could push for a mid-way bill," Adonis suggested. "Something that allows them if they're registered, perhaps?"
"That wouldn't keep them safe," Emma protested. "There's not much point in that."
Adonis raised his eyebrows, before turning to Circe, who smiled serenely, in a manner similar to how she'd smiled before Lee informed Hermione that he wanted to know more about this 'Floor Is Lava'. He turned back to Emma. "I've got a way around that, and I think Circe knows what I'm thinking. Vote against, and propose the bill. Trust me on this," he breathed, barely loud enough for Emma to hear, let alone anyone else.
Emma did trust him. The bill failed, but only just.
"The Wizengamot opens the floor to announcements," Dumbledore announced, and Adonis let the sound of pureblood gossip wash over him.
"House Selwyn is proud to announce the birth of a new heir, Lycoris."
"House Greengrass would like to inform the Wizengamot of the unfortunate passing of Mrs Leta Greengrass, the former Leta Yaxley, at the age of 137."
"Did they really just announce a party?" Emma whispered.
"I'm afraid so," Adonis replied.
"It's a good idea," Circe hummed. "I might try that with my own parties."
Adonis felt the urge to put his face in his hands. "This is crazy…" he muttered under his breath.
Circe gently patted his shoulder as Emma shrugged and wrote down the dates in her book anyway.
"The Wizengamot opens the floor to bills," Dumbledore announced, and there was a sudden flurry of motion.
"In the wake of recent losses, House Bulstrode proposes a bill mandating that prisoners be returned to their families upon their deaths," Marcus Bulstrode said, standing up.
Dumbledore frowned to himself, then nodded. "That does not break with the Magical Charter."
"House Wentworth proposes a bill on a tax surrounding fish imports," Domitian Wentworth called out.
Dumbledore nodded. "That does not break with the Magical charter."
"Fish imports?" Adonis mouthed to Emma, who shrugged.
"House Urquhart proposes a bill mandating that Mudbloods not be allowed to take up seats until their lineages are pure once more. It is imperative that we maintain the integrity of the Wizengamot," Rodolphus said, with a malicious look towards Emma.
"That does not break with the Magical Charter."
"House Lestrange proposes a bill legalizing the use of defensive spells in the Muggle world," Phineas Lestrange wheezed, struggling to stand on aged legs.
"That… would breach the Statue of Secrecy, I'm afraid, Phineas."
Phineas growled to himself and sat down, as Augusta sighed to herself. "He brings the same bill up every time," she said wearily.
Emma frowned, thinking about walking around her neighbourhood as a muggle. "His stance is probably not what we need," she whispered. "But muggles can be dangerous if we're not careful…"
"Not much point in debating it," Adonis whispered back, "Since Dumbledore seems intent on blocking it. It doesn't overtly breach the Statue, just has the potential to, so that blockage wasn't technically legal."
Emma frowned more, but brightened up a little as Circe stood up. "We just voted on a similar bill," she said softly, her voice drifting gently across the room. "However, House Lovegood sees that the bill may have been incomplete. We propose a bill that would not restrict, but register such Portkeys upon their creation, preventing their infestation with Wuffles."
"That does not break with the Magical Charter," Dumbledore said, though he cast an interested look at the young woman, who sat down with her usual dreamy smile.
"Do you think it'll pass?" Emma asked in a low voice, as Irina Shafiq proposed a bill regulating the use of certain hexes.
"With flying colours," Adonis smiled.
"To members of the Wizengamot Circe, Emma and Adonis!" Fred yelled, George right behind him with an oversized Muggle party popper.
"Engorgement charm," Lee explained, as Hermione eyed it warily.
"Remind me how you expect me to turn a blind eye to you giving out Firewhiskey in the common room," was all she said.
"It's diluted," George protested, "And everyone gets some."
"Some of it," Neville said delicately, "Is also spiked with Puffapod sap."
Harry raised an eyebrow, though his glasses made it a little harder to see the minute expression. "Puffapod?"
"It makes you sneeze quite badly," Neville said, "But only if you eat it."
"So that's why you had us give you so many Pepper Imps," Ginny grinned viciously. "Hey, can I have a spiked one? I've always wanted to sneeze fire."
Hermione put out the fire on Ron's head as his chessmen screamed. Neville had been commandeered by Seamus and Dean, and all three were slightly tipsy in the corner. A giggling Lavender was sticking heart-shaped stickers on their faces while a bored Parvati wandered around. Said bored Parvati had been the main source of Ron's hair becoming even more like fire than normal, since Fred and George figured that collateral damage was necessary if they didn't want to be suspected for spiking the drinks.
"Pawn to C5," Harry said, over the sound of Colin gushing over the 'perfect photo he'd just captured, it was just brilliant'.
Ron scratched his nose. "Rook to E3. Best idea ever, Fred."
"Why, thank you," Fred said with a grand bow.
"Figured out what the egg says yet?" George asked.
"Nah. Knight to D4. Your research?"
"Nothing on the everlasting boils, no," George sighed. "And we're halfway through transfiguring potions, they're still not perfect."
"We figured out how to circumvent Veritaserum, though," Fred said idly.
Hermione nearly fell off her chair. "You WHAT?"
R.R
EchoTheHybrid: Thank you!
ShadowDrake: Hmm, yes, Luna could be rather a lot, but we have a whole four years of school to build this up, provided I stick fairly closely to the original plot, so I'm sure they'll survive, somehow... As for tormenting Death Nibblers, Snake-Faces and Toads, I'm afraid you may have to wait a while, though I assure you it is coming. Maybe the Gang can attack Karkaroff and Crouch the Lesser in the meantime, as practice?
Guest: Could you elaborate? Dismal wasn't quite what I was going for, and I'd like to know exactly which bit fell through.