I walked along the pathway in the garden by the palace uncertain and scared thinking about what I was about to do. Looking behind me, I checked to see if anyone had learnt of my secret decision and followed.
In the distance I spotted Lord Melbourne leaning against a statue looking to the side. He seemed content and calm. He looked over standing as I ran overhearing my dress rustling behind me. The day was chilly, and I pulled my coat closer to my shaking body. He walked over bowing kissing my hand then he stood looking down at me.
"Your Majesty." He said
"I am happy that you could come." I said
"I was watching the birds in the trees. I often come here to watch them." He said, looking to the side.
"You come here to think?"
He looked at me nodding.
"To think, yes."
"Being a prime minister and advisor to the queen must have you out here often."
"It is a burden I do not take likely."
I looked up at him as he looked at me. My body trembled as I realized that this was the moment.
"I have secretly come here, but I cannot stay long. There is something I wish to say."
"Yes?" He said
I took a breath feeing my heart race.
"I come here was a woman, not the queen." I said, searching his eyes. "You have been like a father figure at the beginning of my reign, but you have become so much more to me. I cannot lose you."
I took his hands as he looked down at this.
"I am….very fond of you. One might say in love."
"Your majesty, I am very flattered." He said
I felt his hands grasp mine.
"I have always served the people and the crown. My feelings for you do not go beyond respect and I will always be here to advise you."
I looked at him feeling my heart break in half. I let go of his hands wanting to run away.
"I will not trouble you further." I said, turning to walk away. I could feel his gaze and I would not dare turn unable to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks.
A ball was planned to welcome my cousins Prince Albert and Prince George. Melbourne stood behind my chair awaiting their arrival. I put my hands on my lap as I sat up in the chair hearing footsteps coming to the room. My uncles came with each prince.
"Your majesty, King Leopold of Belgian!"
I smiled allowing my uncle to kiss my hand bowing. He smiled at me as he stood.
"Well Victoria, you hardly fill that throne. You will need some books under you to sit properly."
I smiled even though I despised him.
"Allow me to introduce your cousin, Prince Albert, of Saxe Coburg and Gotha." He said, looking behind him.
Albert walked over bowing as he looked at me. I nodded as he stood next to his uncle.
"It is wonderful to see you again, Cousin." He said
"It has been a long time." I said
Albert was charming, but uncle Leopold had a tight hold on him. I looked beyond them at my other uncle and cousin George.
"Your Majesty, the King of Hanover!"
My uncle Ernest pushed past Albert bowing."
"Uncle Ernest, it is good to see you." I said
"Allow me to introduce George!" He said "Come!"
George came over looking me up and down before bowing.
"Hello cousin." I said
"You are still short." He said
"I have had your rooms arranged and there is a ball in your honor tonight." I said
"That is very kind of you." Leopold said
I nodded standing walking past them aware of them bowing to me as I walked past. Lord M. walked on my left always behind me as my uncles and Cousins followed on my right. As the day progressed, I was to walk with George and Albert while mama and my uncles walked slowly on the path some distance from me. Lord M. followed behind my uncles and mama watching us.
"It is a beautiful day." I said
Albert looked up hitting his walking stick along the gravel path. George looked up making a sound as he kicked some gravel with his shoe.
"I find it very dark and unhappy here." Albert said
I looked at him as he glanced in my direction. I let my eyes travel back to Lord M. His eyes pierced mine. I wanted to run and embrace him.
"Victoria?" George called
I blinked looking over at him.
"Shall we go back?"
"Oh, yes." I said
We turned walking back to the palace. Once inside, everyone retreated to their rooms to prepare for the ball. I walked along the hallway taking off my bonnet hearing those familiar footsteps behind me. The doors to the sitting room were opened by my attendants as I marched inside with Lord. M.
I threw my bonnet on a chair walking to the window in frustration.
"I cannot marry either of them!"
Lord M. silently stood behind me as I turned looking at him.
"This is an impossible situation! Why do I need marry at all?"
He walked up to me searching my eyes. I swallowed waiting for this comforting word. He touched my gloved hands.
"I cannot advise you on matters of the heart, your majesty."
"It is my decision."
He nodded still holding my hands.
"I wish to go on a ride."
"It is rather chilly out and the ball is hours away."
"I need to clear my head." I said "Wait for me."
He watched me walk past leaving him in the room to go dress. We rode out near the statue I met him at where no one could find us. I looked ahead lost in my thoughts. Lord M. looked at me then out among the trees. We came to a stop and I looked at him.
"I want to stop here." I said
He got off his horse coming over to help me down. As he lowered me to the ground, I could not take it anymore. I stood on my tip toes kissing his lips. He moved back searching my eyes then me leaned down slowly till his lips were touching mine again. I had never kissed a man before. My heart was thumping in my chest and when his arms moved around me it warmed my chilled body.
I moved back lowering myself down as his hands moved to my arms. His hands went to my cold cheeks.
"Please tell me you love me?" I whispered, "I want to marry you and we can live happily ever after."
"Victoria…." He said
"I don't care about our ages and what people will say. I am the queen."
His hands dropped from my cheeks as he touched my arms.
"You are the queen. A very young queen." He said
I watched him walk past the horses and look at the path infront of him.
"Lord M. I love you no matter if you do not."
He turned looking at me.
"If you think I do not care about you then you are wrong. Since my poor boy and wife died you have been the bright spot in my life. I want to see you every day."
I walked closer to him.
"Then let us marry."
"No, I will not scandalize your reign, or my career." He said, looking to the side.
I looked at him feeling tears. He looked at me again seeing the pain he caused.
"Victoria, I would be betraying our people and you." He said
"I…am not feeling well. I wish to go back."
He watched me go back to my horse. He helped me up in silence and then he got back on his horse riding along side of me back to the palace. When I reached my bed chamber, I fell onto the bed crying. The ladies came in and dressed me. I walked slowly along the hallway with a very heavy heart. The music was playing when I walked in seeing the ball was alive with a large crowd of people dressed in their best clothes awaiting me.
"Her majesty the queen!"
I watched everyone in the room bow. Lord M. was behind everyone close to the orchestra dressed looking handsome. I came down the stairs taking a glass of champagne. Mama walked over to me.
"Drina, you must not drink!"
"I am the queen! I can have what I wish!" I yelled
Everyone watched us as I glared at her. I walked forwards drinking from the glass hearing hushed whispers. The music began and I danced with Albert and then George. Lord M. was always on my mind. I grabbed another glass drinking it feeling dizzy as I walked among the guests. Again, George and Albert were dancing with me and after I drank two more glasses.
As I picked up another glass Lord M. walked over.
"Your Majesty, may I speak to you alone?"
I turned almost falling as he caught me. Everyone hushed as He led me out into the hallway where we were alone.
"You're are making a spectacle of yourself!" He said
"Do you know who you are speaking to?" I said
"Yes, and I would never do it again. I feel that our relationship allows it this once." He said, quietly.
My hazy mind grew even more confused. I grabbed the hall table touching my stomach as Lord M. picked me up walking down the hallway up steps to my chambers.
I heard someone speaking to him as he walked forwards.
"What has happened?"
"The queen is not feeling well."
The doors to the room were opened and I was put on my bed. Lord M. looked at me then he marched out shutting the doors.
The next morning, I felt ill and not myself. I went to my work room looking at papers as the doors opened and Lord M. came in shutting the door walking over bowing.
"Are you well?" He asked
I stood walking over.
"I feel ill."
"Perhaps you should not do this today."
"My discomfort should not disrupt the work to be done." I said
He nodded watching me. He came closer taking my hand lifting it to his lips kissing it.
"I was concerned for your wellbeing." He said
He lowered my hand reaching up touching my cheek. I closed my eyes as he continued to touch my cheek. A knock at the door made me jump. Opening my eyes, we moved away from each other.
"Come in." I said
The door opened and a young man came in bowing then he walked over to Lord M.
"Prime Minister, you are needed!"
I looked over at Lord M. as he looked at me then at the man.
"I will come in a moment."
The man nodded bowing to me once more before leaving shutting the door.
"I must leave." He said
"You will return?"
"I will." He said, walking over.
I smiled at him as he bowed before me then walked out. Mama urged me to spend time with cousin Albert. He and I walked along the courtyard and then to a museum. We walked among the painting.
"Look at the brush strokes." He said, as we looked at this one painting of a landscape.
"Yes, it is very good." I said
I walked past him looking at the other paintings.
"You do not like art?" He asked
"I do. I look at the entire painting, not the brushstrokes." I said
"How can you not look at the hard work of a painting? Great artists painted these so we could look at them for years to come." He said
"I do not think about these things. My duties keep me occupied and I never have time to stare at a work of art." I said, walking.
"Then you do not have time for anyone or anything." He said
I turned looking at him.
"You are in your palace looking down on your subjects and you never walk among them."
I swallowed as he searched my eyes. He walked away leaving me to look at him. We got into the carriage and I ordered the driver to take us through London. I waved at my people as we went past. I sat back in the seat looking at Albert across from me.
"I want you to like it here." I said
"Why is it important that I do so?" He asked
I looked out at the buildings wishing Lord M. was here. The carriage rode up to the palace and I was helped out seeing mama and uncle Leopold standing on the steps waiting.
"Albert, we were just looking for you." Leopold said
I looked at him as he got out of the carriage.
"We took a ride through London." I said "Now, I must go in."
Mama called to me, but I was inside running down the hallway. I laid down on my bed with a terrible headache.
I woke later feeling better. I dressed and walked out seeing the candles in the hallway were lit. I went out to the balcony looking around in the evening light. Lord M. walked out quietly looking at me. I turned seeing him. He bowed and I cried. He quickly handed me a white handkerchief. I dabbed my eyes with it. He pulled me over to lean against his chest. I gladly accepted this laying my head on it. His arms held me.
I lifted my head looking up at him. He leaned down kissing my lips. I stood on my tip toes kissing him with feeling. Our lips moved over each other's. I knew in my heart that he was my soulmate. He lifted me up in his arms holding me, so I was level with his face.
We kissed more than he lowered me back down. He looked at me as I looked at him.
"Please tell me what to do." I said
"I cannot tell a queen what she should do." He said "I can say that of the two men your best option is Albert."
"You would want me to marry one man when I am in love with you?" I asked
"As I told you before I cannot marry you." He said "This is a dangerous path that we have taken. As much as I care for you, I cannot allow this to go on."
"Please…." I said
"I will help you in a purely advisory role." He said, backing up bowing then he walked back inside. I slid down to the floor trembling.
I refused to have dinner with all of them saying I had a headache. I laid in bed heartbroken. The next day I had breakfast with Albert and George. I attempted to talk about something they would be able to take part in. Albert was very interested in the subject I began with as George just buttered his bread listening. I went on a ride with them after lunch. My mind was on Lord M. even as Albert moved his horse next to mine.
"I find this place very gloomy." He said
"Today appears to be, but it is not like this all the time." I said
"What do you think, George?" Albert asked, looking behind us.
"Gloomy." George replied
I looked at Albert thinking how I could marry this man, or George. I rode on past them into a gallop leaving them behind. I did not care what they thought. I went around the corner on the path not stopping. I turned to see them starting to catch up to me. Albert and George stopped yelling at me. I turned as my head hit a branch hanging down from a tree. I fell off my horse.
Albert and George came quickly jumping off their horses kneeling down to me.
"She is hurt." George said, as Albert moved my loose hair seeing a cut on head.
"We must get her back to the palace! You get the horses and I will carry her." Albert said
George ran to get my horse as Albert picked me up walking back. Albert and George walked as rain started to come down. The palace was in sight. The guards came over to them.
"The queen is injured! Send for her doctor!" Albert shouted, handing me to one of the guards.
He watched everyone scurry around as he stood by the outside stairs drenched. I was taken to my rooms and quickly undressed. My mother came running seeing me lying in bed in a white night gown with a bloody cut on my head.
"Drina!" She cried, rushing over to the bed.
The doctor came in making my mother leave the room as she was sobbing. Lord M. paced outside my rooms in the hallway waiting with my mother. The doctor came out seeing them.
"How is she?" Lord M. asked
"She will be fine. The branch knocked her unconscious. I have treated the cut. I would prescribe bed rest for a few days." The man said
Mother and Lord M. both sighed with relief.
I woke the next day lying in bed pale with no memory of how I got into the bed. My head was throbbing. Lord M. quietly entered my rooms. He told my ladies in waiting that I was needed. I slowly put on my robe coming out to meet him. He watched me come out seeing him.
"Lord M, what do you need?" I asked
"Are you all right?" He asked
"I am quite well." I said
I do not think he believed me. He walked looking down at me reaching up with his left hand touching my cheek.
"Are you all right?" He asked, quietly this time.
"My head is throbbing." I said
He leaned over kissing my head. I closed my eyes. He moved back as I opened my eyes looking at him.
"I am relieved this was not more serious." He said
"Sit with me." I said
He followed me to the bench by the window. He sat beside me and I leaned my head against his chest. He held me pressing his lips into my neck.
"I feel as if I am falling into a black hole." I said "If I do not pick Albert to marry my uncle will most likely have me killed."
"Your uncle is a scheming person, but I doubt if he would have you killed."
"How can I make such a decision? To live in misery."
"Think of this country. You are unselfishly helping to secure the future of this realm."
I sat up looking at him.
"The price for this is I lose you." I said
He nodded looking at me.
"I will go back to brocket hall and you will rule the country with a prince by your side."
I touched my head standing with his help.
"I must go back to my room."
He helped me to the closed door to my bedroom.
"Good day, Mam." He said
I leaned up kissing him on the lips. He kissed me back then left me. I slept in my bed a good deal after that. On the fourth day I got up and dressed walking around to find Albert. He was reading a book in the library when I came in. He stood bowing to me as I walked over.
"How are you, cousin?" He asked
"I am well." I said "Do you enjoy reading?"
He looked down at the book he held.
"Yes, I have enjoyed reading since I was a little boy." He said
"Shall we sit?" I asked, motioning to the two chairs in the middle of the room close to each other. I sat as he did.
"You wished to talk to me?" He asked
"Yes." I said, looking at him. "Albert, I feel that we have the same beliefs and ideas. I am fond of you. What I am getting at is I want to ask you to marry me."
He took my hand standing kissing it as I stood looking at him.
"I would be honored."
I nodded smiling as he did.
My engagement was announced, and a ball was planned in our honor. The night of the ball I stood on a balcony off the hallway looking out at the lit-up gardens feeling very low. I had my blue gown on as well as a tiara.
I sighed not in the party mood. Albert checked himself as he waited for me near the entrance to the ballroom where a crowd had gathered. I walked over slowly as he looked over at me bowing.
"How do I look?" He asked
I smiled a little reaching up straightening his blue sash.
"You look very handsome." I said
He looked down at himself then at me.
"You look lovely." He said
I reached out my hand and he took it walking to the ballroom entrance. Everyone watched as we came in as we were announced. The clapping hurt my ears. In the far corner I saw Lord M. He smiled a little holding up his glass to me. I nodded walking about greeting people. I took a glass of champagne walking towards the man I truly loved. He still stood in place alone.
He bowed then rose up looking me over.
"You look very fetching tonight." He said
"Thank you."
"I am happy for you."
"I am not." I said, before drinking from the glass.
He and I looked at each other as mother walked over.
"Drina, you must join Albert." She said, pulling me back to my fiancé. Albert walked about with me and I danced. An hour later I walked to the hallway making sure that no one saw me. I ran down the hallway to the balcony. I ran to the railing breathing in and out fast.
"I…c..can…not marry!" I said
Tears went down my cheek as I shook. I wiped my face looking down at the ground below. My life was turning into a nightmare. I looked around then I climbed onto the edge looking down. I did not care anymore.
I was about to let myself fall when two strong arms pulled me off the railing and I landed onto the floor. Lord M. leaned over me breathing hard as looked at me wide eyed.
He lifted me up into his arms cradling me. His lips found my head.
"Never do that again!" He shouted
"I do not care! My life means nothing!" I said
"You are the queen! You need to do your duty!"
"Not without you! I will not do it!" I said
He watched me sob against his chest as I gripped his coat. He sat down on the ground holding me.
"Drina?" My mother called, from inside.
"Where is she?" Albert asked
"Drina?"
Their voices faded as they went down the hallway in search of me. I grabbed him tighter hearing them.
Lord M. put his head down against mine.
"You must go on for me." He said "If anything were to happen to you it would rip my heart out." He said, quietly.
I lifted my head looking at him.
"You do love me?"
"Yes." He said
"I have to go back inside." I said
"Yes, we both do."
"You meant what you said?"
"Yes." He said
He helped me to stand kissing my lips. I never wanted it to end. He moved back pushing me to go first. I came into the hallway walking to the party. I turned to see him walking out motioning me to go in. I mingled some more as Albert and Mama reentered the room seeing me. Albert walked over touching my arm.
"Where have you been?" He asked
"I had to take in some air." I said
"Are you well?"
"Yes, very." I said
He nodded then turned as some men walked over wanting to talk to him. I danced with uncle Leopold. I went to bed thinking about my future. The next morning, I ate with my family then I went for a long walk by myself. I looked behind me seeing two guards walking slowly a distance behind. I sat on a bench by a hedge wall.
I could hear someone walking as I looked down at my gloved hands.
"Lovely day, Mam." Lord M. said, as he walked over.
I stood looking him holding his cane and wearing his hat looking wonderful. He smiled at me.
"Birds are singing." He said
"Yes." I said
"Would you care to take a stroll with me?" He asked
"Yes, I would like to." I said
He walked with me looking around at the birds flying over our heads. I felt my heart thumping in my chest as we walked further into the gardens. We walked among the hedge maze. He stopped looking behind us then he took my hand leading me around a corner where there was a dead end. He pulled me against him kissing me.
He ended the kiss then just held me.
"I can see your still troubled." He said, quietly.
"Yes, I am." I said
He looked down at me touching my face with his gloved hand.
"I wish I could take these problems away from you. Perhaps I could ease them if I were to leave."
"I can not allow you to do that." I said
"Victoria, there is no where I would rather be, but I am causing this distress."
"If you were to leave me, I do not know what I would do."
He searched my eyes.
"You will marry Albert and produce an heir. You are the queen."
I moved away looking at him.
"You must go on."
"I will not."
He looked at me sadly as I shook my head feeling tears go down my cheeks.
"I will marry him, but my heart will always be yours."
I walked back where we had walked leaving him. The wedding plans were being made as Albert went back to Germany.
Mama came to see me before I went to bed. I sat looking at my myself in the mirror as she brushed my hair excusing my ladies.
"Drina, it is important that you marry Albert." She said
"I know." I said
"You will need to have children so our line will go on."
I looked down. She stopped brushing looking at me.
"What is it?" She asked
"Nothing."
She brushed my hair again as I looked at the mirror.
"This match has made your uncle Leopold very happy." She said "He writes his happiness in every letter."
I stood walking past her to my bed.
"Goodnight mama." I said
"Goodnight." She said
I laid on my side as she walked out. I walked out of my rooms making my way to the dining room to have breakfast. My appetite had dwindled. Mama waited for me at the table. She bowed sitting as I did.
"Drina, you are pale." She said
"I am perfectly all right." I said
A cup of coffee was put infront of me as was a plate of breakfast.
"Take my plate away." I said
"You must eat." Mama said
I drank some coffee as my plate was taken.
"I am not hungry."
"I will have the doctor come." Mama said
"Please just leave me be!" I said, standing.
"Drina!" Mama said
I walked out leaving her.
"Prepare my horse!" I yelled, as I walked to my bed chamber changing into my riding clothes.
Lord M. was arriving as I took off on my horse in a gallop. He got out of his carriage watching me. I went even faster along the path. I wished to break my neck not caring anymore. I stopped the horse getting off petting her head then I walked away pacing.
I looked back at the horse grazing along the grassy path. I sat under a tree. A horse whinnied and I looked over seeing Lord M. riding a black horse.
He got off walking over holding a white envelope.
"Do you wish to be alone?" He asked
"I am never alone." I said "You are welcome to stay."
He gave me a small smile holding out the envelope.
"What is that?" I asked, taking it.
"I believe it is a letter from the prince." He said
I opened it reading then I folded it back looking out again. He looked in the direction I was looking at.
"He is coming back with his things." I said "Just in time for the wedding."
"Good news indeed." He said
"Yes."
He looked at me as I looked down.
"I look forwards to getting back to my research at Brocket Hall."
"Watching the rooks." I said
"Yes."
I sighed moving to stand with his help. I walked a few steps to my left looking down at the ground.
"I envy your life. I would love to sit and watch birds." I said
"It is a peaceful life." He said, walking over to me.
I turned facing him as he looked at me with concern.
"Mam, you look ill?"
"I am perfectly fine." I said
He reached up his hand, but I caught it holding his hand in mine.
"Go back to Brocket Hall. I am discharging you."
"I will not leave you." He said
"I am asking you to accept my wishes." I said
I let his hand go walking past him.
Albert came back and the wedding day was approaching fast. I had not seen Lord M. since we talked. I missed him terribly. I was fitted in my wedding dress being told I lost a considerable amount of weight.
It began to rain the night before the wedding. I looked out at the storm that night. It was late and the others had gone to bed. I put on a coat running out taking a carriage to Brocket Hall.
I knocked on the door watching as someone opened the door for me.
"Yes?" A balding man said, as he wore his night shirt and robe looking out at me.
"I wish to see Lord Melbourne." I said
"Who should I say is asking for him?"
Came in dripping with water as he closed the door holding a lit candle.
"Tell him the queen is here." I said
"Oh, your majesty!" He said, bowing. "I will tell him."
I nodded watching him walk down the hallway as I shook. A door opened and I saw the man and Lord Melbourne in night attire walk out seeing me.
"Mam, what are you doing here?" He asked
"I needed to talk to you." I said
"Yes, of course. Let us go to the sitting room where the fire is lit."
He told his servant to retire as he led me to a room that was lit by a fire. I went in walking to the fireplace. He shut the door walking over to me.
"What did you need to talk to me about?" He asked
I looked at him moving closer touching his robe.
"I need you." I said
He touched my cold cheek then he leaned down kissing me. I kissed him feeling all my problems drift away. He picked me up in his arms walking out of the room to another room down the hallway. I laid on his bed a few moments undressed. He climbed over me pulling the blankets over us.
The next thing I was aware of was something moving beside me. I stayed still as he moved closer to me moving his hand along my naked stomach.
"It is morning." He said
"Mmm." I moaned, moving into his chest.
He kissed my head.
It was then I remembered. He watched me jump sitting up.
"I am getting married today!" I said
I looked at him then I hurriedly dressed leaving him to go back to Buckingham. I quickly returned to my bed chamber without anyone seeing me. My ladies and Mama came in helping me get ready. I walked out going to the awaiting carriage to take me to St. James Palace. People waved and cheered as I rode past.
Albert waited at the Chapel Royal inside with his brother as I walked slowly down the aisle. He took a breath watching me come closer. When I got to where he was, he leaned to the side.
"You look beautiful." He said, whispering.
I gave him a nervous smile then I looked at the archbishop beginning the ceremony. The people cheered outside as we walked out as man and wife. I looked at Albert as we sat in the carriage.
"Happy?" He asked
"Yes." I said, lying.
He kissed my hand as we rode through London. We had a reception at Buckingham and that is were I saw Lord M. I walked over and he bowed.
"I thought your wedding was beautiful, Mam."
"Thank you." I said
"Are you happy?" He asked
I looked over at Albert talking to Mama across the room.
"I never will be." I said
"The prince seems a good match."
"I wish it were you." I said, whispering.
He looked at me as I walked away.
Albert came into my bed chamber that night. I sat on the bed watching him take his things off. He came into bed looking at me as I trembled.
"We are married." He said
"Yes, do you feel different?"
"I do."
"I do to." I said, glancing at him.
He leaned over kissing my neck. I wanted to move away, but I had to play the part. He pushed me down. I laid still as he moved above me. Closing my eyes, I waited for it to be over. When he finished and laid beside me I moved to my side as he moved to his. Tears went down my face as I silently cried. The next morning, we snuggled against each other.
"I am truly married now." I said
"What shall we do today?" He asked
"Take a walk, and then I must do some work." I said
"This is our honeymoon. You do not have work."
"I am the queen. I can not be on a honeymoon." I said
He moved sitting up looking at me.
"You can take a three-day honeymoon."
"How can a queen take three day's off?"
"We just married."
"Albert, I have a duty to perform." I said "This is what I do."
He got out of bed sighing getting his robe.
"You are not just the queen! You are a wife!"
"I may be a wife, but I am queen of a country! That means working everyday to provide for my people!"
He huffed leaving the room slamming the door. I sighed touching my head. I did not see Albert for hours. I worked at my desk as Albert came in that afternoon. He walked over to the desk looking at me.
"I went for a ride to clear my head." He said
I looked at him then went back to looking at a letter.
"I want to ask you to go for a carriage ride." He said
"I am busy." I said
"Please?" He asked
I sighed looking at him.
"Very well." I said
We went out and rode around waving at a crowd here and there.
"Thank you for coming out with me." He said
"Your welcome." I said, smiling a little looking out.
My thoughts were on Lord M. I kept thinking about his lips and his eyes. His scent was still on me. Albert and I started to get to know each other. He began to notice things around the palace that needed changed.
One morning I woke and throw up. It happened again the next day. The doctor examined me confirming my worst fear that I was with child. I walked over to the window as he left touching my stomach. I knew that this was not Alberts child. I sent a note for Lord M. to come at once. I paced my sitting room hearing him being announced. He came in bowing then came over.
I walked over hugging him.
"I have missed you." I said
He held me. I moved back searching his eyes.
"There is something we need to discuss."
"Some trouble?" He asked, as I motioned him to sit in a chair.
"Yes, I…am with child." I said
"That is wonderful news! Does the prince know?"
"No, and it is not his."
He stopped smiling standing slowly looking at me.
"It is yours. I am sure of it." I said
"Mine."
"Yes, what do I do?"
"Did you and the prince….?"
"Yes, but I know."
He rubbed my hands.
"We need to pray this child looks like you." He said
"Yes."
"In the meantime, you must tell the prince and then pretend it is his."
I nodded scared. He leaned down kissing me then he left. I found the prince walking along the upstairs hallway alone.
"Albert, I need to tell you that I am with child."
He stared at me then pulled me into his arms laughing.
"This is wonderful news! I will go tell your mother then write uncle Leopold!"
He ran off and I stood frowning watching.
Everyone celebrated this news. My belly grew I worried that it would come out looking like Lord M. and that Albert would instantly know. One night I stood in my room moving my hand over my stomach. Albert came in wearing a robe walking over holding me. His hand went to my stomach.
"This is a strong baby." He said
I laid my head back against his chest.
"You must rest and eat well, Victoria." He said
"I have so many things to do." I said
"I will decorate the nursery and employee a nanny."
"Yes." I said, walking to the bed.
He took his robe off getting into bed beside me.
"I can not wait to see the little one." He said "We should name it after Leopold."
"I do not want any children named after Leopold." I said, lying down.
"It would be a nice gesture." Albert said, blowing out the lamp on his side. I sighed looking up at the bed canopy ceiling.
A few months later I woke up to find that my belly had grown out more. I was mortified at how big my stomach had grown. I wanted to take in the air before I was to be in confinement. Lord M. took a walk with me in the gardens which was our meeting site. I sighed as I rubbed my coat covered stomach. Lord M. looked at me before kicking path pebbles with his cane.
"I just wish it to be over." I said
"How does the prince feel?"
"I do not know. He seems happy."
"You are not."
"I am the woman. Even though I am a queen in the end I am still a woman who must bare children." I said "The prince wants a large family."
"Most men do."
"Do you?" I asked
He stopped walking looking around then at me.
"In my younger days I thought having many children would provide the world with many more prime ministers, or farmers." He said
I laughed as he smiled at me.
"My wife gave me two children. A daughter that died soon after birth and a son." He said "Whose life was difficult and whom I loved non the less."
I looked down at my stomach.
"I have been given a second chance." He said, stepping closer touching my stomach.
"I do not care what people think or say. This is your child, and I will make sure it thrives." I said
He looked at me.
"Victoria, no one must know." He said
"I love you." I said
"I love you. You are my queen, and my love."
We stayed still staring at each other. He stepped back and walked with me again.
I went into confinement and as my ninth month arrived, I was awaiting the birth anxiously. It was at midnight that the pain hit me. I walked about my bed chamber moaning in pain. The doctor arrived as my ladies stood waiting.
Albert and mama paced in the sitting room hearing me screaming. I got into bed as the doctor checked my progress. I screamed grabbing hold of the blankets. One of my ladies wiped the sweat from my face using a cold wet cloth.
The advisors and members of the parliament came into the sitting room waiting. I screamed again wanting it to end.
The sun began to rise as everyone waited for the cry of the baby. I screamed exhausted as the doctor worked. Albert stood hearing the cry of a baby. The doors opened and the doctor came out looking at the crowd.
"What is it?" Albert asked
"It is a girl." The man said
Everyone celebrated as Albert went in closing the door. I held the baby letting Albert have her. He sat beside me on the bed.
"She looks like you." He said
I put my head on his arm looking at her.
"She's perfect." He said
"We will name her after you. Victoria.
"She has to have a middle name." I said
Albert thought a moment looking at her.
"Victoria Adelaide Mary Louisa, Princess Royal." He said
From that day Albert held and talked to her. I watched her sleep at night.
Lord M. came a month later. I had Vicky brought to us in the sitting room. The nanny came in handing me the baby then she left. I walked over to Lord M. letting him hold her. He looked down at her watching as she opened her blue eyes.
He looked at me in amazement.
"What do you think?" I asked
He shook his head looking at the baby.
"She is beautiful."
"She looks like you." I said
He looked at me seriously.
"He does not know, does he?"
"No, he thinks she looks like me."
"She does."
Albert came in seeing us.
"Your highness, the princess is perfect!" Lord M. said
"We are very happy." Albert said, walking over looking at the baby.
"I invited Lord M. to see her." I said
"I was hoping for a boy, but when I saw Vicky I just fell in love." Albert said, touching the little fingers.
Albert took Vicky as Lord M. sat down in a chair near me. Albert stood rocking the baby in his arms.
"Tell me your rooks." I said
"They are still mysterious as ever. You should come and watch them sometime."
"Perhaps I will." I said, looking over at Albert. "Would you mind?"
"No, I have the garden plans to attend to." Albert said
"I will come by on Friday."
Lord M. nodded standing.
"I would come in the morning. The rooks are very active around ten."
"All right." I said
He left and I went back to the sitting room. Albert came back in without the baby.
"Victoria, I would like to have a ball in Vicky's honor." He said
"Yes, we should have one." I said
He stood me up kissing my lips. Then he held me smoothing his cheek against my head.
"You have made me very happy." He said
"I am glad. I want you to feel at home here." I said
He moved looking at me.
"We must have a son now." He said
"I do not want one right away." I said
He kissed me again then walked out. I sighed feeling dread over the prospect over more children.