Once again, it was a late night. I did not have the best day. To begin with, I spilt my coffee all over my lap, scalding hot. Then, traffic decided to be an utter bitch to deal with. I was late to work, which wasn't even want to be at anyways. Kim let me know that the company wasn't too pleased with my performance as of late. When I was driving home, somebody threw something at my car and chipped my window. It's not been the best. When I got home, I tried collapsing on my bed, but somehow missed and instead fell on the floor. I grasped at the ground, just wanting to get this day over with. I closed my eyes, and the terrible day drifted away. But tomorrow is another day.

I had no dreams. Last night was soundless, unlike many I've had. Nothing interrupted my slumber. When I began awakening, however, I noticed something was off. My carpet was softer than what I was sleeping on, or so I thought. My eyes opened, showing a haze clouding my vision. I hate the mornings. All I would need is some coffee to really pep me up.

Then I notice something that's not quite right. There's a breeze against me. I don't remember having my fan on. In fact, I don't think even if I did turn it on it could actually reach me on the floor. I blinked several times, trying to clear my vision. I noticed I was laying on my stomach, so I tried to make an effort to roll myself onto my back. It was easier to get up that way.

Once I was actually on my back, my eyes adjusted. Instead of the haze, there was now pure blue. That wasn't normal. Oh god, what if I were going blind? I tried turning my head, and I saw… Trees. Trees are new. Next to the trees were some thick bushes. I looked at the ground, and saw green grass and some flowers. I most certainly did not go to sleep here. Where the fuck am I?

I tried getting to my feet, but saw the feet I had were blue. Oh. I looked at my arms, and saw they, too, were blue. They also looked like they had little claws. Oh no. What the fuck happened to me?

I was having a minor panic attack. I've probably contracted some horrible disease after I got kidnapped in the middle of the night, or there was some really bad mistake.

A creature came out from the bushes, and the closest thing I can even try to resemble it to is a beetle with a mask for a head. The mask reflected the light, and had giant blue eyes. It was over my height. Holy hell. I seriously hoped it wouldn't want to kill me because I was still learning just what the fuck was going on.

It's eyes lit up, and I heard a feminine voice say, "Oh, hello! Are you okay?" I couldn't respond. I was dumbfounded. This physically and mentally cannot be real. That's it. I'm inside an insane asylum somewhere, driven to this by daily life.

The thing walked closer to me, and I heard that same voice say, "Hello?" The thing then waved its… Leg at me. The light reflected off of that into my eyes, hurting them ever so slightly. I moved my hands up to my eyes, and I heard the voice gasp. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that."

Time to face the facts. I was criminally insane. Last night was my breaking point. I am now in a crazy world where I am no longer myself. I am being talked to by a, I'm pretty sure, metal beetle with a mask. All these things combined with the fact I haven't figured out how to walk was deeply upsetting.

The beetle's mask tilted a little bit. "Are you… Mute? I know some Pokémon are, and I don't judge!" It was now shaking its head. All I did in response to all this was sigh. It perked right up. "Oh! You are awake! I just thought that, maybe, you know, some Pokémon sleep with their… Eyes… Open, wow, I'm sorry, I talk a lot and I'm not sure you can actually respond and it's making me kinda feel bad, and I'm sorry, please don't be too mad," the beetle thing said extremely quickly. It started off alright, but it seems to be having a nervous breakdown.

"What?" was all I could muster. The thing then sighed.

"So you aren't mute! Okay, I'm sorry, I assume a lot, it's a terrible terrible habit, but you know, I think it makes sense since I know a lot and if you know you can assume, right?" It awaited a response, which I seriously could not do right now. It's eyes opened wide as it stared at my legs. "Wait, are your legs broken? You haven't even used them once. Oh, or maybe you're one of those Pokémon who can't use their legs very well and- or maybe you're just waking up, is that the one?"

I nodded in response. This beetle seriously couldn't shut up and let me concentrate on the whole 'getting off my ass' thing I needed to do. "Oh okay!" it said. "Sorry, I might have been a little loud, I have a tendency to do that sometimes," it then said in a hushed tone. I could care less if it was quieter or louder, it just needed to not talk for a whole minute. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. This whole time you were just talking to a stranger…" I have said a grand total of a single word and you consider this a talk. "My name is Brittany. You can just call me Aron if it's easier for you."

"Tony," I replied. I think I got the whole leg joint thing down. I barely even had much of a leg joint to begin with.

"Tony the Totodile! Your name has awesome alliteration!" What was this bitch on about?

I jumped up a little bit, jolting my whole system with some energy, and was finally on my legs. Now that I was standing, I was now twice as tall as the beetle. Awesome. At least I'm tall, I guess. "I hate mornings." This statement caused the beetle thing, whatever the hell it called itself, to look up into the sky.

It looked back down and said, "But it's the afternoon?" How the fuck can you tell?! You don't have a watch or phone!

"I hate waking up," I correct. Suddenly, a monstrous butterfly came out from one of the bushes, and it had… Tears on its face. I was unaware butterflies could cry. Or that they were gigantic. This thing was a good head over me in size. What kind of mental fantasy is this?
"Somebody, please! Help me!" The beetle thing looked shocked and faced the giant beast. I would look shocked too if I wasn't already.

"What's wrong?" it asked.

"It's horrible! My Caterpie fell into a cavern! My poor baby!"

"What?!" the thing shouted. Welcome to the real world, children get themselves into trouble. Look, I'm sure the rescue teams are on their way. What I'm concerned about is what the actual hell you are.

"A huge fissure opened in the ground, and my Caterpie fell in!" I'm pretty sure earthquakes give a ton of warning signs. It's your own damn fault. "He's too young to crawl out by himself!"

"Boo hoo," I commented quietly. Nobody seemed to notice.

"When I went to get my baby, Pokémon suddenly attacked me!" What the fuck is a Pokémon and why is that my problem?

"Huh? You were attacked? By other Pokémon?" the beetle thing asked.

"Wow, it's like she just said that!" I said aloud.

The beetle turns its shiny head over towards me, big blue beady eyes staring at me, "Woah, you are grumpy," it comments, turning its head back to the butterfly, "Excuse him, he just woke up. But other Pokémon?"

"They must be enraged by the fissure and out of control… At least, that's what I think. I'm not strong enough to fend off those wild Pokémon…" The tears welled up in its eyes. "What will become of my baby?" Probable death, I assumed. "Oh! What am I to do!? Oh dear, oh-"

"If you're going to be a damn drama queen about it, why not save him yourself? You have WINGS!"

"I told you, I can't fend off those wild Pokémon!"

"Well if a giant butterfly like yourself can't do it, what are you expecting us-"

While I'm about to go off on this butterfly, the beetle turns towards me, and moves towards me. "We have to go help! Let's go, Tony!" The thing started pushing me with its mask, which was really unpleasant, so I decided to go along with it. I tried walking and found it to be more of a waddle. It worked, but it was really awkward.

"How exactly are we supposed to do this?"

"There are two of us!"

"Yeah, but if that giant thing couldn't fight-"

"It's a Butterfree."

"Butterfly. Giant butterfly couldn't fight off a pack of these things, how are we, a bunch of midgets, supposed to have a chance?!"

"What does 'midgets' mean?"

"A midget would be someone like you. Really short."

"Huh. I like it!" It's derogatory, you stupid beetle. We continued running for a while, and somehow I kept up the whole way. Waddling is apparently effective with these legs.

We had reached our destination, and it definitely looked like a fissure. The beetle jumped down, and I decided to go down the smart way, which involved sliding down the rock face. When I reached the bottom, the beetle was staring at me with its blue eyes. It gets slightly awkward to bear with, so I ask, "What?"

"Where do we go?" it questions. It… It jumped down… A fissure. Without a plan.

"How am I supposed to know?! I've never been here!"

"Me neither, but there's no need to yell about it." There were many reasons to yell and you have spawned at least half of them.

I sigh. It's come to this. Stuck in a fissure in a colorful fairy tale land where I am now a waddling thing. "Last night was terrible, but I think this one takes the cake. I'm officially insane."

"What do you mean?" I finally had some way to vent.

"Okay, so last time I woke up, I was a completely normal human. Maybe an ingrown toenail, but I was going to fix that in a few weeks." There was a pause.

"Wait, a completely normal human? What's that?" That one was a given. At least there aren't people here.

"I don't think it matters anymore. Do you know what I am?"

"A Totodile, silly. You must have hit your head in your sleep," it responds almost cheerfully. So I was a crocodile. Worse things to be, I guess.

I focused on the road ahead rather than on my imaginary 'friend'. I don't know I could have come up with this. I decided to move into a little opening. I walked on over to it, and saw a bird. It looked at me with a look I wasn't too familiar with.

"Is that a Pokémon?" I asked, pointing at it while looking back.

"Yes. A Pidgey." Pigeon. Okay. I could probably kill a pigeon.

Looking back at it, it appears to be… A bit off the end deep. Like, I've seen birds, and they don't move erratically like that. "Does it have rabies or something?"

"What's that?" For being a thing that 'knows a lot', it sure didn't know shit. This pigeon wasn't waiting for us, though. It started walking over to us, trying to look intimidating. "Oh! I've never fought anything before."

"That inspires a lot of confidence," I deadpan, readying my fists. Wait, I'm a crocodile. Does that mean I have claws?

"But I- I- I have read some books on this stuff!" Great. That's like going into a boxing ring, and then saying 'I don't need to fight you, I already know all your moves.'

The pigeon straight up charged at me with its beak out, ready to gut me. Then I noticed it was about half my size. I could deck this pigeon so hard. I gave it the nastiest look I could, and it actually showed a little bit of fear. I was about to whoop this defenseless animal's ass. PETA, eat your heart out.

When its beak was in grabbing distance, I maneuvered a little out of the way, and grabbed its head. I then tried to throw it on to the ground by leading it then pulling it around me. It was to no effect. What the hell? I know how to throw people on the ground, I was part of a wrestling team. Maybe I forgot a few things, but I was sure when you're twice the size of your opponent, you had a distinct advantage in the 'throwing them around' department.

"What are you doing?!" the beetle thing yelled.

"Taking it down!"

"You can't do that, you aren't strong enough yet."

"Bitch, does this look like a game to you?!"

"No, but as a low level Totodile, I think you can only scratch your opponents and give them mean looks." Well ain't that something. I can scratch and I can flip them off. Fucking. Fantastic. This morning keeps getting better and better.

So I did just that. The pigeon was readjusting, so I pawed at it like a cat. Its eyes went white and it was knocked backwards. It even fell on its back. "Woah! It fainted in one hit." How. Many. Drugs. This is not real.

"Welp, I'm this deep in already," I internally begin giving up, "Let's just… Let's just get moving.

"That's the spirit!" the beetle cheered. I'm glad one of us is having the time of their lives.

I turned back to the opening and proceeded to walk down it till there was a ramp leading downward. "Maybe the Caterpie is down there." I seriously debated whether or not it was worth playing along anymore. What even is a Caterpie?!

Down the ramp was a pigeon, a purple rat with oversized teeth, and a… A pile of gold coins? What? Who leaves that anywhere? I could buy a small African country with that. My hands instinctively went to where I kept my wallet, but then I remembered something. I don't have pockets. Or pants, for that matter! Fan. Tast. ICK.

"Oh no! I'll take the pidgey, you take care of that rattata!" Ah. So I was right. A rat. Not a caterpie.

I grunted in response, and got myself in a fighting position, my fists up and ready to deliver pain. Then I remembered something again. Apparently, I can't roundhouse this kid, I could only 'scratch' it. I dropped my hands in complete annoyance. The rat slowly approached me, and I could hear something hitting something behind me. I looked, and saw the beetle thing smack its head into the pigeon.

When I looked back in front of me, the rat was right there. I jumped up in surprise, which was… Weird. I'm not used to actually jumping when I get surprised, but that was just another problem with being a crocodile, I guess. When I jumped, the rat lowered its head and jumped at me, ready to smash into me.

Little did it know, I am a master of dodging. I moved out of the way effortlessly, and saw it crash into the ground. I decided to flip it off, which made it seem just a little bit worse for wear for some odd reason. Easily offended, I guess. It tried doing the same thing, which resulted in me doing the same exact thing.

This time, instead of flipping it off, I scratched it with little to no care about how I did it. Its eyes went white and it stayed on the ground, going limp. Woohoo, I got him. That was so difficult. Seriously, how easy was this going to be? That giant butterfly couldn't just touch these guys and make them fall down? Unbelievable.

I hear some walking behind me, and see that beetle approaching, the body of the pigeon on the floor behind it. "Good job, Tony! You handle yourself really well!" the beetle praises me, then tilts its head, "Though I was wondering just what you were doing with your hand, there." It's blue eyes disappear into the blackness of what I think is a mask at this point. Seriously, either that's actually a part of its head or a mask and I don't know what's worse. "Also, I think I might have leveled up!"

"I… Don't get it, but good for you?" This bitch is seriously weird. Then again, I am on an acid trip. Probably.

"Yeah, I think I'm just a little bit stronger, now!"

"That's great."

"You think you'll level up some time soon? Looks like you already know how some moves work!"

"Maybe I will. Who knows," I said without any enthusiasm.

"Maybe! Now come on, we have to find that caterpie." I don't know what that is. I moved over to the pile of coins, and just looked at them longingly before turning around and going towards a corridor. "Hey, are you just gonna leave these?"

"I don't have pockets!"

"Yeah, but you have a pouch, right?"

"No? Do you?"

"Of course." And out of nowhere, the thing pulls out a purse thing and somehow moved all the coins into it. Just like that, the purse was gone before my very eyes. "Okay, let's go!"

"How did you… Where do you keep that thing?" The beetle just winked at me and left me without an answer. That's the best I'm going to get. I turned back to the corridor and proceeded at a slow pace. I wasn't really feeling the whole 'rescuing whatever-the-hell-it-was' vibe that the beetle felt.

We eventually found another downward ramp. I went down it, and saw on the next level a seed thing and a large blue berry. "A sunkern! And an oran berry!" I think I understood all the weird names. They were all slang for what they were. So, this is the most racist society ever, but with all the races or species, I'm not surprised.

I made my way over to the seed thing, which somehow moved closer to me. "Watch out! Grass types are really strong against water types, like you!"

"I honestly don't think this is going to be a problem." I moved my hand up, ready to scratch the thing and be done with it, but then I felt a creeping pain over my body.

After a double take, I saw little whitish-green orbs flying out of my body and into the seed. Its mouth, or what I thought was a mouth, was open, sucking all of the orbs in. Alright. What else does this little trip have in store for me?

I let my hand come down, scratching it slightly, feeling a little weaker than before. That done, it fell back, presumably 'fainted' or what I like to call 'fucking wasted'. I turned back to the beetle and crossed my arms. I'm just assuming it knows what went on there.

"Oh! It used absorb on you. That oran berry over there should make you feel better." It lifted a leg and pointed at the berry. I went over to it, picked it up, contemplating just what I was doing, then decided to hell with it and threw it into my mouth.

When I bit down, it felt like a gusher fruit snack. Had the same taste, had goo, all that. It was… Fuck, it felt good! I felt a little bit more awake, and I felt like all the things the seed did was reversed and then some. That said, the taste was lacking anything sweet, but that was alright. I didn't really like sweet things that much.

I looked for the next corridor to venture down. Once again, I was back on track. Or at least I felt like I was until Ms. Peachy, which'll be its name from now on because of how fucking cheery it is, decided to bother me.

"Hey, I think you might have levelled up."

"Great. Let's have a party, why don't we?"

"Really? A party down here? I don't think that's very safe, and we still have… A… Oh, you didn't mean that." Holy shit. Something was getting through its thick skull, which was probably made of steel.

"Welcome to sarcasm."

"Sarcasm? That's a weird word. Never really heard of it before… Do you know the definition off the top of your head?"

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I feel like dealing with explaining sarcasm today? "How about you figure it out? You know, use your head?" A grand total of 0!

The thing gasped. "That's a great idea! Okay, I'll try figuring it out." Sweet silence came back. Eventually, we found another ramp. We went down it, and I could hear something crying. That was never a good sign.

"Hey, I think that's the caterpie… That was way easier than I thought it'd be."

"Could just be a girl in a white dress that's going to kill us," I murmured.

"What?" it asked. Forgot. Nobody here will know my good references, even if it might save their lives.

"Nevermind, let's go get it." I went down the slope and found a caterpillar facing a wall.

"Mommy, where are you?" Oh. So that's a caterpie. Slang once again.

Ms. Peachy ran past me, shoving me off to the side as she shouted, "We came to rescue you!" The caterpillar turned around, and I could see a red antennae thing on its forehead. I walked right up next to Ms. Peachy.

"Huh?" it said. Its eyes were really large, and watering. Looked like it was crying for a while.

"Your mom's waiting! Let's get you out!"

"Ok," the caterpillar said. Its eyes were suddenly dried. Ooookay.

"Stick behind that one," I pointed at Ms. Peachy. I turned around and got ready to head back the way we went. I picked up the pace as Ms. Peachy made conversation with the thing.

It was on the third ramp up there was another rat. The way back up the fissure was pretty clear. "Go. I got this," I said to Ms. Peachy.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay… Come on, Caterpie, let's get out of here!" They ran to the way up, and I focused on the rat.

It full on sprinted at me, and flung itself at me. This, I did not expect. I got blasted backwards, and fell onto my back. Did that hurt? Very much so. But what this guy's gonna feel is gonna be at least seven times worse. Why seven? Because that's the lucky number for this unlucky punk.

I rolled over, pushed myself up, and reared back a punch. It tried tackling me again, and I tried punching it as it came in. Thing is: Entire bodies beat a fist. Once again, I fell back. My body was really starting to take a toll, an intense pain surrounding my hand. Once again, I had to push myself back up.

Once I was up, I sighed in anger, and suddenly a gush of water flew out of my mouth. It splashed into the rat, and it flipped back, landing on its back with its eyes white. I'm… Okay, that was new. I swear I sighed once before, and that didn't happen. I know for a fact it didn't happen before. I'd remember something like this.

With that little revelation over and done with, I wandered after the two animal-things. I climbed up the fissure, which was a little tough since I was starting to really feel those hits I took. Seriously, I was doing so good, then that happened.

Once I got to the top, Ms. Peachy looked back and saw me have a tough time. She turned around and rushed towards me. "Tony, I'm sorry I didn't stick around! I didn't know you'd get hurt, I thought you had-"

"We have a thing to save or whatever. Focus on that," I impatiently muttered. To be frank, I just wanted another one of those berries. They seemed pretty alright.

"Oh, right! Sorry." Ms. Peachy turned around and went back to the caterpie. I waddled behind, or maybe hobbled. It took a few moments, but we found the giant butterfly.

The butterfly and the caterpillar hugged, I think, and when I got up to the little party, the two of them were looking at the two of us.

"My baby's safe. I'm sorry, but I don't know how I could ever properly thank you…"

"Keeping a closer eye on your child would be nice," I said quietly. Ms. Peachy gave me a look before looking at the butterfly.

My 'companion' shook her head, and said loudly, "That's ok! It's been dangerous lately with sudden quakes and fissures like that one."

"Please, may I have your names, at least?" the butterfly requested. I'd really rather not exchange any kind of pleasantries, this morning has enough to remember as is.

"I'm Brittany," Ms. Peachy said. For fu- Yeah, no, your name is Ms. Peachy.

Everyone here looks at me expectantly, and I cross my arms. "Tony."

"Cool…" the caterpillar said. I almost forgot he was here and- JESUS THOSE EYES. It's like I was a hero or something to this kid. Do I seem like a hero, kid? Because you create another problem, you'll see just what kind of hero I am. I really hope things like this don't become a normal occurrence. "Thank you, Brittany and Tony!"

"I know it isn't really enough, but this is a token of our thanks. Please accept it," the butterfly said while holding out one of those blue berries, a pink berry, and a seagreen berry.

"This is more than enough!" I shouted and grabbed all three of the berries. I downed the blue one instantly, and everything felt so great. What are these, drugs? I then downed the green one, and found it to be really bitter and cold. Not a good combination. I almost coughed it out.

"Oh, I'm glad! Again, thank you so much. Goodbye!" And thus, they ran off, the caterpillar sparing a few more glances at us.

I decided to bite into the pink berry, and found it to be way too sweet. I actually spit it out, a bit of pink goo spilling onto the ground. "Ugh. That was awful. Hell of a thank you gift…"

Then Ms. Peachy faced me. "Thank you for helping! You're very tough. I guess I was a little impressed." Well now you're downplaying me.

"A little?"

"Okay, very!" I decided to sit down, and thought about my situation.

I was in a weird, animal run world with a metric fuckton of slang in it. Actual fighting doesn't work, but sighing results in water. I didn't have pockets, and I was stuck with this dumb bitch for the past hour or so. It looks like now, however, she's going to go, and I'm not going to have anywhere to go because I don't have the faintest idea of what the hell was going on with the world here.

Overall, I'm screwed.

"So… What are you going to do? Do you have any plans?"

"I dunno, dying out in the wild seemed like a great alternative to seeing what else I could get myself into today."

"Dying out here? But that'd be terrible and… Oh! Sarcasm! Ha, I think? Is it supposed to be funny?" Please, somebody reasonable save me. There was a small pause as I facepalmed. Then, Ms. Peachy got a little closer to me. "Listen, Tony, if you don't have a place to stay, you should come with me." And now I was going to a homeless shelter. Could this day get ANY better?