CHAPTER V

"A magnetic current"

(A Model, Anaïs Nin)

You think you are in control but

things

are slipping

slipping from your ardent grasp

you're not as strong

as you think

Holidays.

That was what she needed. A nice, long break, far away from everyone.

Far away from him.

He had been in her thoughts for way too long. This ridicule passion made everything insufferable. It had turned her peaceful life into a turmoil of temptation and forbidden attraction. And it made her feel more and more miserable as days went by.

His blue eyes were in her mind, always, ever since that moment. She remembered she had to repress the urge to run back to her room. Once she got there, Wendy opened and locked the door behind her. At first, all she did was to stare blankly at the floor, her mind wandering somewhere else. But then, something cold and bittersweet ran on her face. Tears.

Unable to contain herself anymore, Wendy fell to her knees.

Anyone, please, save me from this. Please.

I can't continue like this. I can't stand being miserable all the time.

Please. Please. Save me from this. Save me.

She wouldn't be able to ever know how long she remained there –s on her knees, repeating an endless plea over and over until she forgot she was doomed into this endless circle of – torture, of desire. She hated herself. She loathed everything that had led to this moment. It was never meant to be this way.

She never thought she would one day, be this ready, this close, to throw away her reputation for a mere second of pleasure.

For the first time since she knew they both desired each other, she wondered about what would happen: if she finally – finally – listened to her heart and not her mind.

And the answer was there, clear as dawn.

It would destroy her. At first, it would be wonderful – to give in, after having constrained herself for this long. But then, people would know. People always end up to know. And her life would be over; her scholarship would be taken away; her friends would turn their back to her. She wouldn't be able to ever face the disappointment in her mother's eyes.

And there wasn't a single person she could talk to about it.

So when the holidays finally arrived, she was more than rejoiced to get away from her troubles.

Her mother's embrace lifted all of her troubles away. Michael and John celebrated her arrival with just as much glee she would have expected – and in the second, she was a child again, giggling and joking with them again. Even her father, who usually rarely showed his emotions, was affectionate and caring during dinner. She felt like her old self again – the family was there, altogether. Nothing would ever seem to disrupt the peace and the mirth among them.

But when she looked away, only one thing was in her thoughts. The holidays tasted bittersweet for the first few days; as much as she felt calm and collected with her family around, she could never fully enjoy the moment. Her mind always seemed to drift away. And she was cruelly aware of the reason why.

Mrs. Darling was there to notice the subtle change in her. But she knew better than to bother her grown-up daughter with her motherly worries. Instead, she acted upon it, doing something that she knew would help lift her child's spirits. Yes, Mrs. Darling was full of great intentions. But she could never have known what the consequences of her considerate attention would be.

"Where are you taking us?" Michael had only been sitting in the car for five minutes, but he was already fidgeting with his seat belt and sighing loudly.

"You know it's a surprise," came John's reply, "so why keep on asking?"

"Because I want to get some clues before we get there. I'm not sure I like surprises anyway – I'm never patient enough to fully appreciate them!"

"Gee, so I suppose we'll just cancel that surprise birthday party we had planned for you, little brother!" interrupted Wendy.

"Wait up there! You had a birthday party planned for me? C'mon, why did you tell me? Now you've ruined the surprise!"

John and Wendy burst in laughter and Mr. Darling had to slow down – he was a very cautious driver and anything too sudden would give him a fright while he was on the road.

"Calm down, children – it won't be long" reassured Mrs. Darling. Although the trio in the backseat didn't usually appreciate to be treated like children, they kept still. Nobody wanted an accident, especially not when their father could provoke one without their help in the first place.

After an hour and half of driving, Wendy started to recognize the elements that surrounded them. The trees. That alley. That house.

It all came back to her, and she was too teary-eyed to say anything as they made their return to her childhood neighbourhood.

"Mother! Why, isn't it -?" started John.

"Yes! Are we –?" continued Michael, imitating the tone of his older brother.

"Surprise!" finally erupted their mother, a smile on her face. "We are going to a neighbourhood reunion! Now, don't say anything – I know you all wonder if your old friends will be there. And, I can tell you for sure – yes, they will." To that declaration, the boys bounced on their seats, shouting with glee, causing Mr. Darling to almost hit a tree on the sidewalk. When they slowly managed to park and get out of the car in one piece, Wendy looked around anxiously, looking for her friend. And there he was.

Peter ran to her, practically skipping – and the two of them jumped into each others' arms in a kind and warm embrace.

"Wendy! It's so good to see you!"

"Oh, Peter – it's been quite a while! Well – how have you been? I'm sure you have so many things to tell me! I really ought to catch up!"

"Why, I don't even know where to start! Hey, maybe you want to hear about the crazy wreck we caused, the boys and I, at the shack the other day? Okay, so –"

Wendy was so happy to see her friend once more that she could have sworn her eyes were shining with excitement. Oh, the things they had to share! They were babbling like two kids when they took a sit next to each other at the table. The weather was agreeable and the neighbour who hosted the party, Mrs. Dile, had chosen to lay the buffet outside to enjoy the last rays of sunshine of the year.

"Are we expecting anyone else or is everyone here?" shouted the host to the party.

"Well, there's a few more seats left, but I guess we should start to eat before the food gets cold!" suggested one guest, and the rest of them eagerly agreed. Without further ado, the neighbours old and new officially started the reunion. With her friend by her side, all of Wendy's troubles were gone. How could she worry about her recent problems when Peter had so many stories to tell? A few seats away from them, John and Michael were already messing around with "the boys", which brought back old memories to Wendy's mind.

Peter had been a small child, and now still Wendy was taller than him. But his aura and youth was making him just as fascinating as before – one should have been blind not to see it. Even the adults noticed it and a certain form of respect was shown to him, although, sitting at the table and engrossed with the stories of his adventures, the boy didn't seem to perceive it.

Her mother's idea was wonderful, thought Wendy for a moment. She felt finally freed from her worries. She lived the moment to the fullest, exchanging memories and making new ones.

"Oh, does anyone know who's car is this?" asked Mrs. Dile quite loudly, interrupting the old friend's joyful chatter. Wendy turned around to see a shining red car parking on the sidewalk in front of the house. "Why, it must be one of the other guests! Oh, wait, I know who this is – he told me he would be a little late –"

In one fluid movement, the man opened his door and stepped out of the car.

Fuck.

Wendy's stomach almost turned to see James Hook approaching the reunion. Taking off his sunglasses but keeping his beguiling smile on, he took Mrs. Dile's hand and apologized.

"Please, forgive me for this dreadful delay. I am reassured to see none of you waited and started to enjoy the festivities without me."

"Why, there is no need for such apologies! Here, come sit with us, everyone's delighted to see you here –"

"No." Peter stood up from his chair with vivacity. "I am not delighted to see you here, Hook, you old codfish!"

There were gasps. Shocked heads turned to the boy dressed in green, but only one man kept his composure.

"Why, Peter Pan! I am not surprised to see you here – although I wished for a somehow different greeting."

"You can keep your greetings for yourself, old man."

"Peter!" Wendy couldn't help but interrupt her friend. She couldn't have imagined such rudeness coming from him – but then, she realized that her exclamation brought the blues eyes that she had been haunted by onto her. Hook's smile broadened while Peter gave her a dreadful look.

"Why, Wendy! Haven't you forgotten? He's supposed to be our greatest enemy!" Peter exclaimed.

Feeling all the eyes fixed on her, Wendy turned red. Everyone was silent, watching the scene unfold as if it were placed on a stage for them.

"Peter, that was a long time ago… You cannot continue to behave like the child you were then!" She couldn't see Hook's face. But she was certain he was smiling. He was winning – thanks to her.

"So, that's it, then? You're on his side?" came Peter's reply. His tone was filled with a cold, yet childish rage.

"I am on no one's side, Peter. Can't you see? This is not how it works anymore. The game has changed."

Peter stood as if the world had fallen apart, but remained, filled with anger and dignity.

"If this is how you see things now, I don't see why I should stay here any longer. Have a nice party, everyone." She tried to say something, but he was already stepping away. "Wendy, you can come back to see me when you've come back to your senses. Let's go, boys."

And in a blink of an eye, Peter and the boys had left, along with the cheerfulness of the party. Everyone stood, flabbergasted, until Mrs. Dile remembered it was a party and it was supposed to be joyous – she had a reputation of hostess to maintain, after all.

"Why, quite a dramatic turn of events, isn't it? I just hope the corn hasn't cooled down during this whole affair!" A few laughs acclaimed this attempt to cheer up the party, and soon enough everything was forgotten. Only Wendy kept on staring at the empty space where Peter had been.

"Say, Mr. Hook, how come you're not seated yet? Come, take a sit next to Wendy, since the place is free."

"I would be delighted."

Oh no, thought Wendy as she heard Mrs. Dile's proposition. As soon as she did, she swore to herself she would hate the woman until the end of her days. With a swift movement, James Hook drew the chair and sat down next to her. She turned red – with anger, and with something else. He avoided her gaze as much as she did his – but there was no use ignoring the warmth of his body, so close next to her. And there was no denying – he was the one with the control.

"That was nice of you to defend our dear Mr. Hook, Wendy!" said one of the guest in front of her. "To tell you the truth, it's wonderful to see that some young people can be mature sometimes."

"Especially since you didn't have to do that," came another guest's voice. "I do recall you weren't in the best of terms with Mr. Hook as a child!"

Wendy said nothing – she didn't have the time to do so – since the man next to her took it upon himself to reply.

"Indeed, but I have had the confirmation Wendy has been able to mature enough since she left the neighbourhood." She quickly cast a look at him, an eyebrow raised. He continued. "She is actually the most mature student I have the opportunity to teach." Oh boy.

"Wendy! You didn't tell us Mr. Hook was one of your professors!" came her mother's voice. "I should have thought about it, though, but I never made the connection between your university and the fact he's one of the professors there."

"Really, you were keeping this secret from us, Wendy?" shouted Michael, only adding to his sister's discomfort.

"I – It just never crossed my mind to tell you about it, that's all." She could feel Hook's eyes burning her, right to her side.

"Well, don't keep any other secrets like this from us next time!" concluded John, before returning to his third plate of pasta.

"Yes, Wendy", added Hook softly, only for her to hear. "Please, don't keep any secret for yourself next time." He was close. Too close.

It was too much.

She stood up abruptly, although no one really paid attention. Muttering something about helping in the kitchen, she fled into the house.

The contrast between the hot air of the outside and the cool temperature of the kitchen helped her breathe easier. The house was empty, and she enjoyed a moment of peace and quiet, placing both her hands on the sink and closing her eyes for a while.

Once her breathing was regular, she took a few plates from the table. Turning the sink on, she allowed the water to warm up for a second before grabbing a sponge and cleaning the grease off the dish. After doing so, she seized a towel to dry it and put it next to her, then proceeded to do the same with the remaining plates. Only the clang of the porcelain sounded in the room as she piled them up one by one.

"You seemed rather distraught when you left so abruptly."

Wendy almost dropped the plate in the sink at the sound of the voice. She paused for a while, not even bothering to turn around to face him.

"I needed some space for myself."

"Really?" The irony in his tone was evident, and for a second she felt like smashing the plate against his skull. But instead, she kept her back turned to him.

"Intimacy isn't really a concept you seem able to grasp, since you are still here and haven't left me alone like anyone else would have."

A chuckle escaped Hook, who took a few steps closer.

"On the contrary." His voice was lower, making Wendy's lower stomach ache. "I fancy myself quite an expert when it comes to intimacy."

Wendy couldn't repress a shiver. The man behind her felt it.

"Do I frighten you, Wendy?"

She dropped the plate in the sink.

"I am not afraid of you –" came her reply, not as fierce as she had hoped it would be. She turned around to face him, willing to push him back. But he was closer than she had imagined and something inside her wouldn't allow her to move. Wendy found his eyes boring into hers, their faces – only inches apart. She paused for a second – just a millisecond – to try and remember what it was she had meant to say. But how could she focus when his warm breath was brushing so softly against her cold neck. Her legs might have given up if the swarming feeling between them hadn't burned her insides so acutely. Suddenly, a dash of pride ran into her veins, reminding her of who she was; of what she wanted to avoid, and she continued – yet in her eyes gleamed the remains of hesitation and doubt.

"– I am afraid of what could happen." Her words slipped out of her in a coarse whisper.

The intensity of the look she gave then made the man before her take a step back. And Wendy could breathe again. She was saved. This newfound power helped her to keep her head up – trying to the read through the complex layers of expressions he then offered. Outside, the clouds gathered and the room grew darker for a minute or two, making his features unreachable – unreadable. As he made his decision, only the blue eyes remained. She was transfixed.

He didn't say anything. There was nothing there to add – not when the magnetic feeling between them was so loud, so cruelly obvious. He did the only thing that made sense to both of them. Hook grew closer, making her take a step back, farther away from the window. He entirely cornered her, but she couldn't tell if she was resisting any longer. The daylight was fading and the only thing she could look at was him – only him. A shadow of a face cut out from the rest of the word.

As her back touched the wall, she became cruelly aware of the lack of space between their bodies. No further escape was left and he placed both his hands at each side of her frame. He could tell she was slightly shaking.

Afraid of what would happen.

Gently, he lowered his right hand to push a strand of her chestnut hair away from her face. He remained there and his skin brushed against her cheek. As he followed the contour of her delicate jawline with the tip of his fingers, her head swayed to the side, trying to catch this ghost-like gesture. Not letting it go.

Then, only then, with deliberate slowness, he leaned in. He caught the sigh escaping her as he allowed his mouth to linger over the tempting skin of her neck. So close. Their eyes closed in unison as he annihilated the space remaining between them, and no softer touch was ever given to a woman as his lips tasted the sweetness of her skin.

She was undone. Her mouth opened – against her will – as he moved up her neck. She smelled like black cherries and he drank her scent in. Gently, oh so gently, he placed the most burning kisses up and up her neckline, until he reached for what she expected with built eagerness – that secret place right beneath the ear. As he slightly scraped his teeth against her flesh – right there – she left a moan, the most pleasant one he ever heard, escape her swollen lips.

Yet she didn't move. She couldn't. It was his very presence which had this effect onto her – body and mind. She craved him, and here he was – hers. But it was still her decision to make. To give in would come off as the greatest danger she would ever face. He started to kiss her jawline, as if it contained a mystery to unveil. Her breathing was short and she was pinned down by each of his tantalizing kisses. He would soon reach up to her mouth. And first of all, the corners of her mouth, which held the greatest mystery of all.

This mouth longed to be kissed. And now, she realized – it was only ever meant to be kissed by him. This man was made to discover treasures, and she would give him a treasure of her own.

Closer – his mouth was hot, his breathing one with hers –

The front door opened and closed, far away in the world behind them. Loud clangs and chatter drew them instantly back to reality. As soon as they moved away from each other, Mrs. Dile came in the kitchen – their sanctuary only seconds ago.

"Oh, thank you for having cleaned around here – I meant to do so just now – but can you imagine? It was so sunny awhile ago and then it started pouring down out there!" She was soaked. But neither of them had heard the rain tapping loudly against the window.