third chapter :tension

Did he just… walk out on her? Hermione's fury had washed out at the sound of his voice excusing himself, and seeing him walking away. She couldn't even remember what put her in such a state of anger and tension. But there it was, her bipolar disorder acting up again, at the wrongest time ever, since she had been wanting for years to be friends with Draco. She immediately regretted everything she mentioned. Although not entirely false, what she said was based on prior insecurities, about her, about how she was perceived by men, and also by her fellow female colleagues. She really was tired of it all, of pretending, of faking. She realised that night that she was fed up of being treated like a fool, especially by Ron, and there was the night Hermione Granger became her true self, the one who would not let her disorder control herself, the one where boys (and also girls sometimes) wouldn't impact on the way she portrayed herself in her mind. And also, gossiping! out of her life! No more time spent in order to make sure her hair was not frizzy, her under eyes bags not too dark or just boy talk, noooo Hermione was way above that. After all, wasn't she the most brilliant witch of her age? If she wanted to talk to Draco, for real, not like tonight with their weird and impromptu encounter, then she would, and she will ! In the morning, that shall be done!

As the morning came by and the afternoon afterwards, Hermione Granger quickly realised how hard it actually was to talk to Draco freaking Malfoy. He doesn't take breakfast, which wouldn't hurt him, for his cheekbones have been more and more salient over the years; he managed to lose her twice in the hallways from one class to another and at lunch he was way too busy insulting Crabbe and Goyle for any conversation to happen between each other. Plus imagine the gossip. Ahhhh! she had told herself not to think about that anymore but there it was, this kind of pattern doesn't go away as swiftly as Malefoy does in the hallways, she really was terrified. And how would Harry and Ron take that? As treason? Madness? A trick? "I really am lost…" she whispered to herself.

"What's that?" Harry asked her, his mouth half-full of roasted turkey and what seemed to be boiled potatoes.

"I'm sorry?"

"You just talked to yourself, I was wondering if anything was troubling you."

"Ah, that. No, I was just thinking that I didn't hand in the rolls to Professor Snape this morning and I should probably head back, plus I'm not really hungry right now." That wasn't a lie, she did feel like she could throw up anytime if she ingested something. The rolls, she had turned during class, but she felt like she needed a walk to clear out her mind. Maybe the library or something.

"Okay, but… Hermione. If anything's wrong, at any time, please remember we are your friends and will always be there for you?"

"Thank you Harry. You two have a nice lunch, have a piece of cake for me Ron, okay?"

"Okay!" they answered, their mouths full once again.

She rose up, got on the other side of the bench, and realised Malefoy wasn't there anymore. Hermione's first thought was egotistical : maybe he's just as moved by their discussion as she is. But then she remembered that it was Malfoy. Malfoy doesn't get moved. Malfoy doesn't react to anything, apart from his encounters with Harry. Although he was known for his choleric manners during their first years at Hogwarts, at least for the past year and ever since the beginning of this one, he looked paler and tougher than quartz and his temper has cooled down, his face never barely showing any trace of emotion. Heck, she couldn't remember any time she saw a genuine smile from him. Pansy Parkinson could probably invalidate that statement since they had been on-and-off dating for a while, but that's where the "genuine" part comes in. Having such a toxic relationship, especially from Malefoy whose life was publicly known to be composed of those, couldn't possibly be 100% authentic. At least that's what Pansy told the girls when they broke up for good.

"He's a ruthless bastard who only dated me because of the pureness of my blood!" she said, sobbing "and didn't even apologize for ditching me the year of Yule Ball, or for not asking me first, I HAD TO DO IT MYSELF. Do you know how humiliating it was for me to ask him out and have him say yes, find the perfect handress to match his handkerchief and have him NOT SHOW UP for the whole evening, so much I had to ask some random guy from Hufflepuff who dressed in a kinda similar color to my outfit." To be fair she would probably have had the same reaction, but the Yule Ball happened two years before their break-up, you would think she'd have moved on. Apparently not; apparently people hold grudges against one another. She didn't have time for this. She never had. But now it very much seemed like Malfoy was resentful towards her, and she would have to get more involved than she ever thought she would with him. Harry's Potter and Ron Weasel's sworn enemy. Her best-friends. And basically going against every rule she ever set for herself. But that was history right? After all, the Dark Lord was at the edge of destroying their world, or maybe he wasn't since there had been no signs of him for the past 2 years but Hermione liked to be cautious and ready in case anything happened. She knew she was just making excuses for her cowardice right now. After all, what harm could she probably cause by following her heart?

end of the third chapter