Five Years Earlier
September 1st, 1976
The tiny corridor of the train is full of students, all of them pushing and shoving past us, as they look for empty compartments and their friends. The shrieks of owls , and the hisses of cats, occasionally permeated with the croak of a toad, is almost louder than the students themselves. I don't fail to notice the looks we are given, the eyes that pass straight over us, and though, as a Slytherin I am used to it, its worse this year.
After the events of the last few months, I can't say that I am surprised.
"Here they are!" My brother, Regulus' voice is one of relief, as he turns and grins at me, pointing at the compartment he has just peered into, and pulling open the heavy door.
There is barely enough room for two extra people, but we squeeze into the tiny compartment anyway, dragging our ridiculously heavy trunks behind us. Admittedly, my trunk is perhaps heavier than most, with the amount of clothes my mother insist I pack. Really - who needs five sets of dress robes at Hogwarts?
"Adhara!" I hear a sweet voice exclaim to my right, as I turn to see perhaps one of my favourite cousins. Narcissa has a bright smile on her cheeks, her almost dazzling blonde hair falling down her back like a waterfall. She is already wearing her Slytherin robes, and she pats the tiny space beside her for me to sit.
"Narcissa!" I smile softly, sitting next to her. She squeezes my hand as way of greeting, as Regulus shoves our trunks over head, almost falling backwards into the other residents of the compartment with the weight of them.
Regulus greets the rest of the carriage, mostly students from my own year, all of us Slytherins. I have spent all five of my years in Hogwarts with these people, and yet, I still cannot bring myself to enjoy most of their company.
"How was the rest of your summer?" I ask Narcissa, as she puts down the book she was reading in her lap.
"I spent most of it with Lucius." She has a soft smile on her face, her eyes glazing over with memories of the summer. "His house is beautiful, Adhara, its surrounded by countryside - we went horse riding and hiking and-" Her cheeks flush a little."Well, I expect you don't want to hear all of it, I know your feelings about him."
I wrinkle my nose a little. I will admit that I do not particularly like Lucius Malfoy - or 'Luscious' as Sirius calls him. Especially with the rumours flying around about him this summer.
"Are you talking about Lucius again?" Evan Rosier, saving me from answering her question, grins from the seat across from us, giving me a wave. I smile a little - Evan has always been one of the easiest to get on with out of our year. He's incredibly handsome, with curly brown hair, and warm, dark skin, and a scar, which stretches from his right eyebrow to the side of his mouth. He's never told me how it happened, and I've never asked, but it always draws my attention, the way it puckers when he grins.
Narcissa flushes a little, pulling her eyebrows in a little at him.
"Oh hush, Rosier." I roll my eyes. "Let her speak."
He holds up his hands in a mock surrender.
"Sorry." His eyes sparkle with mirth.
"Is it true what they've been saying, Narcissa?" Alexander Nott leans into our conversation, his voice almost a reverent tone. "Did the Dark Lord really choose Lucius?"
I swallow, glancing at Regulus, who's eyebrows are raised in interest. Though he is only a year younger, he looks so much more childlike than I and Sirius. His face is less sharp, his eyes - blue, instead of our dark grey - much more innocent. He shouldn't be hearing any of this - though how can he escape? It is a conversation over dinner at home, an article in a newspaper, a discussion between friends. He is everywhere now, and it has become so much more apparent over the summer.
I can see it, even amongst the Hogwarts students. I saw it in the corridor, the way people I knew as muggleborn, would avert our eyes, the way they would walk faster just to get away. It felt as if they thought we all had the dark brandings on our skin.
"That is none of your business, Nott." Narcissa snaps, rare for her.
I exchange a look with Evan, though his eyes too, soon turn back to the conversation.
"Did you hear about what happened in Surrey last week?" Mulciber, the only other in this carriage, says, his mouth twisted into a grin.
The sickness I have been feeling for months begins to build up in my throat again.
"The muggle building?" Nott responds.
"Yes - they say there was twenty of them. Gone in a second." Mulcibers voice contains no note of mourning of this, rather a sick sense of awe.
I stand up without thinking, feeling ever more nauseous.
"I'm going to the toilet." I barely manage to mutter, before I am out of the compartment, running down the corridor, and bursting into the female toilets. I barely manage to reach a cubicle, before I am bending over the toilet, vomiting.
My hands tremble, as I push back my hair. I read that article last week, about the muggles in Surrey. About the children there, too. Their faces seem to be burnt into my mind, staring out of the newspaper at me, the way they did when I first read the article.
When the nausea subsides, I slide to the floor of the cubicle, not even caring how filthy it could be, leaning my head against the cool wall. My knuckles rub into my eyes, trying to erase those faces staring at me, trying to erase the laughter that came from Nott's mouth as he talked.
"Adhara?" There is a concerned tone near me, and I look up to see Lily Evans - in my haste, I hadn't even locked the door. Her hair is shorter than last year, cut above her shoulders and tucked behind her ears. Her distinctive , forest green, eyes are a little worried.
"Oh, hi, Lily."
I say quietly, pushing myself into a standing position though I'm not quite sure my wobbling knees can take it. The two of us aren't particularly close, being in different houses, but we are tentatively friends, from working together on school work. Last year, when I got ill with a cold, she even sent Severus to give me some hot chocolate she had made. I haven't forgotten that, and it still may be one of the kindest things someone has done for me.
"Are you alright? Do you want me to get Sirius, or someone?"
The name is like a punch to the gut, though Lily won't know why. Lily has no way of knowing that my brother left our home two months ago, and hasn't been heard of from any of us since, though I am sure he will be on this train today.
"No, no, I'm fine. It's just ... nerves." I say, walking to the sink slowly, so as not to have to rush back to the toilet again. My hands grip onto the porcelain of the sink as I look into the mirror, pushing back my shiny, almost waist length hair, and wiping the thin sheen of sweat off my head. I pull out my wand from my sleeve, and quickly murmur a "breathmint" charm, to erase the pungent smell of sick.
"I understand that." She comments, leaning against the wall behind me, her eyes still a little concerned. "It's different, this year, isn't it?" Her hands dig inside her bag for a moment, and she pulls out a water bottle, passing it to me. Her nails are bitten to the quick, looking incredibly painful. I wouldn't have thought that put-together Lily Evans would have nails like that.
I take it, with a quiet word of thanks.
"What is?" I question, though I already know what she will say, as I swallow my gulp of water, feeling a little better.
"Everything. The divide between people, I mean, it's gotten worse with what's been happening over the summer."
I could scoff at her, walk out, ignore her kindness. It is certainly what my mother would expect, but I can't. Not when I agree with her. I sip at the water again, leaning agains the sink.
"I know. It's ... horrible, what's happened over the summer. All those people." I swallow, looking at the floor. I can't help but feel guilt. It's families like mine that are causing all of this.
She nods, her lips pressed together in a downturned smile. I wonder how awful she must be feeling, knowing that there are people out there killing people like her, wanting to kill her.
"I don't... I don't agree with it, you know." It's only a whisper, but I feel the need to tell her, though I hardly know her. I don't want her to think I am like Mulciber and Nott.
She blinks.
"You don't have to tell me that, Adhara. It's clear to tell." She has a sad sort of smile on her face.
At least it's clear to her. I don't think it is to most others.
"Thanks, Lily." I say quietly, throwing the empty water bottle in the bin. "I better get back."
"See you around, Adhara." She says behind me, as I push open the door.
I tuck my hair behind my ears as I walk back down the corridor, dragging my feet a little, not particularly eager to get back to that conversation. I don't even look up, staring at the carpet, until I bump into someone.
"Oh! Sorry." I exclaim, before I look up.
I swallow, stepping back a little.
He's grown over the summer, at least a little, and he's grown his hair out, too. It's swinging lower than his jaw, now, and it falls in his eyes a little, but not so much that I can't see the look in them. It used to be so rare to see Sirius sad, that it's strange to see his eyes pained now.
I open my mouth to speak, but I hardly know what to say.
He doesn't pause to look up as I quietly open the door of his room. He moves quickly, ripping photos off the walls and stuffing them in his rucksack, along with the clothes that are scattered on his floor.
"Sirius-" My voice is small, shaking.
He stops then, looks up at me, his eyes wild, his hands shaking.
"Are you coming?" He says it bluntly, though he knows my answer. We've had this argument a dozen times in the past few hours.
I swallow. Shake my head.
His eyes flicker away from mine, and in only a few moments, he's back to wildly packing his things. He can try to hide his feelings all he wants, but I can see them, in the way his jaw sets, the way his knuckles whiten as they clench around his possessions, the way he bites his lip to stop it trembling.
"Please, Sirius." I murmur, lip wobbling. My arms are wrapped around myself. "Please don't go."
He stops then, completely, zipping up his bag. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat.
"I have to. I can't.." He is crying, and it startles me. Sirius always tries so hard not to cry. "I can't take this anymore. I can't become what they want me to."
I know this . I know my want for him to stay is selfish, I know what he will become if he doesn't leave. And I know, if I really try, he would stay.
"I... I understand."
"Just come with me. Just come to James', we'll be okay there-"
"You can't stay. I can't leave. We both know where this ends." A tear slips down my cheek.
"I can't leave you here."
My hand finds his, and I squeeze it, only once, then release him. I force my face to harden, force myself to wipe away my tears.
"Go, Sirius."
He opens his mouth to speak, but he cant seem to find the words.
"Oi! Padfoot! Wormy's gotten stuck again in-" James' laughing voice slows to a halt, as his head pokes out of the compartment, and he glances between us, the two silent twins.
His eyes regard me, a look of nothing but anger in them. I have never been close with Sirius' friends, their lives were too twisted in house rivalry, most specifically, James' life. We never spent much time together, Sirius preferring to keep his two lives separate. His family, and his friends. I supposed that, now, his friends had become his family.
"I-" I begin talking, but I can't find any words to say.
I spin around, and walk back to the Slytherin compartment, like the coward that I am.
There was a reason I wasn't sorted into Gryffindor, and it is becoming more and more apparent.
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A/N - I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!! Let me know in the comments what you want to see in future chapters!