A while back in the TFF forums, the Harry Potter ones to be exact, there was a thread called "lines you wish you saw in the harry potter books". These will be some of the ones I submitted to the thread and most will be in script form.
Many of these are not exact quotes and have been altered to fit into the Potterverse.
I hope you enjoy these as much as some of the others did!
Voldemort: (approaching Harry, who was trying to crawl away from him) Potter... Dumbledore never told you what happened to your father, did he?
Harry: (clutching his bloody stump of an arm) He told me enough... He told me you killed him!
Snape: (Emerging from the shadows) No Harry... I am your father...
Harry: (face turns into a mask of pain and anguish) NNNNOOOOOOOO! (Throws himself off the ledge)
- from "Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back"
I was on this huge WWE kick when I wrote this these two…
Harry: FINALLY... The Boy-Who-Lived HAS COME BACK!... To the Wizarding... World... IF YA SMELLALALALALALALA! What Harry Potter... Is... Cookin'...
Ron: (Pulls out sweaty sock with a face and lightning bolt drawn on it) Have a Nice Day!
-Yes, that's right folks, Harry and Ron as professional wrestlers The Rock and Mankind, a.k.a. The Rock 'n' Sock Connection.
"Potter! Where would I get a bezoar?"
"What!"
"I said... Where would I..."
"What!"
"I said..."
(Harry Flips off Snape)
"Potter...!"
(Harry hits Snape with the Stunner)
"Potter 3:16 say I just whooped your ass! Now... If any of you want to see me do that again next Potions Class, Give me a 'Hell Yeah'!"
All of Gryffindor shouts, "HELL YEAH!"
"And that's the bottom line... 'cause Harry Potter says so!"
-And one where Harry is Stone Cold Steve Austin.
And since everyone loves pirates, a Harry based off of Captain Jack Sparrow.
The Death Eaters had been run ragged. They had chased the Boy-Who-Lived for several minutes to no avail. Somehow, the boy would trip or duck at the appropriate moment and their curses would hit some random inanimate object, causing other objects to crash into them, or for their spells to be reflected back at them.
Even Voldemort was feeling winded as they chased Harry Potter through Diagon Alley in an attempt to capture him, as he mocked them the entire way.
Finally, he stopped on the roof of Flourish and Blotts Bookstore to shout down at them.
"And let this be known as the day, you almost caught Harry Potter!" Harry then gave them a mocking salute before turning, slipping on a random object before crashing into a nearby food cart.
Before Harry could regain his wits, Voldemort casually strolled up to him. "It looks like this will be known as the day I captured Harry Potter."
Harry could only groggily watch as Voldemort pinned the Port Key to his tangled robes and was whisked away out of the Alley.
- from "Pirates of the Caribbean"
Another Star Wars reference…
Setting: 1st Year, before entering the 3rd Floor Corridor to confront Quirrel at the end of the year.
Ron: (To Harry and Hermione) I've got a bad feeling about this...
- from "Star Wars", it is the single most used line in the entire Star Wars Universe.
Anime enthusiasts, try to guess where I got this one from before I tell you after the end of this short Omake.
"You did it! You defeated Voldemort!" Ron shouted, jumping up and down.
He, Ginny and Luna had joined Harry and Neville from where they stood in the aftermath of Voldemort's death.
Suddenly, Ron went pale. "Waaahhhhh!"
Everyone looked at him in alarm. Each of them on guard.
"What is it Ron?" asked Harry.
"H-Her-Hermione! We left her b-behind when we heard you and Voldemort started fighting... She's going to kill me when we see her again for sure..."
"Whew..." said Neville, "For a moment there, I thought Voldemort might have been back... You shouldn't scare us like that..."
They all burst out laughing. Ron suddenly went pale and screamed again.
"Ron?" asked Harry concernedly.
"V-V-Voldemort!" shouted Ron pointing.
They turned to face a nearby ledge where Voldemort was standing. He was soaked, having fallen into the ocean. His robes were torn and he had a swollen eye. He was panting in both exhaustion and fury.
Harry and his friends were all rooted in place.
Voldemort shakily raised his wand. A beam of magic shot out from the wand, without warning, towards Harry, who was looking lost.
"Watch out!" shouted Neville as he slammed into Harry with his shoulder. The beam shot through his chest.
"Neville!" shouted Luna.
Neville hit the ground hard.
Suddenly Ron was levitated a few inches off the ground.
"Harry!" he shouted.
"Ron!" Harry yelled.
Voldemort raised his wand and Ron went flying into the air.
"Harry! Help!"
"RON!" screamed Ginny.
"HARRY! HELP M-!" Ron's shouts were cut off when he suddenly burst into an explosion of flames.
"RON!" shouted Luna.
"No..." whimpered Ginny as she slumped to her knees.
Voldemort smirked, and then pointed his wand at Ginny. "I think she'll be next..."
"V-Voldemort..." Harry said seething. He was panting and shaking with righteous fury, just short into going into a full rage. "I... Won't... Let you... Get away... With this..."
Suddenly, Harry's aura flared to life. Instead of the greenish white it usually was, it was pure gold.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Harry yelled in fury as power poured off him in waves. There was a blinding flash of light, and Ginny, Luna and Voldemort had to cover their eyes.
When the light receded, Harry's aura was still active and silver bolts of lightning surged all around his body. He seemed to put on at least 15 pounds of muscle and his emerald green eyes were an aqua color. The biggest change was his messy black hair was now golden and spiky.
Harry Potter had ascended to the power of the Legendary Super Wizard!
-For those of you who were stumped, and I suspect that it was only a few of you, that was a reference to "Dragon Ball Z"- just after the Goku/Frieza fight.
Because every one of these needs a "Dirty Harry" reference…
Harry had his wand trained on an unarmed, defenseless Lucius Malfoy.
"You just have to ask yourself one thing... Do ya feel lucky? Well... Do ya? Punk!"
Here's a quick shout out to one of my favorite movies as I grew up. It was a funny space parody when I was a kid that only got funnier as I grew up and actually began to understand the jokes in the movie.
There will be more of these.
Harry and Voldemort stared down each other, their wands positioned in both their hands at waist level.
Suddenly beams of light shot from both wands, giving them the appearance of "Laser Swords".
Both looked down at their own blades, before looking at each other once more.
"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine," said Voldemort. "But it's not the size that counts, it's how you use it!"
- from "Space Balls"
Harry hesitantly made his way through the Chamber of Secrets. He knew he had to hurry, after all, who knew what the Heir of Slytherin was doing to Ginny? But he knew he couldn't rush or else he would be no use to Ginny if the Heir of Slytherin got the jump on him.
All logical thought left him when he caught sight of Ginny's seemingly lifeless body on the floor of the chamber. He immediately threw caution to the wind and ran to her side.
"Ginny!" he said worriedly, "Ginny, c'mon... Wake up... Speak to me..."
Suddenly Ginny's eyes popped open and she looked at Harry curiously.
"Ginny...?" Harry asked in concern.
"There is no Ginny... Only Zuul..." said Ginny in a demonic voice.
- from "Ghostbusters", this one was too good to pass up.
"Do you, Maid Ginny, take The Sheriff of Hogwarts to be your lawful wedded husband?" asked Fudge.
Ginny looked hesitantly at Draco Malfoy, the Sheriff of Hogwarts and then at Prince of Thieves, Harry Potter, who led a band of merry men from the Forbidden Forest. She trembled in fear as the hangman tugged on the noose around Harry's neck.
"I... I..." she said hesitantly.
"Just say nay, Ginny... Just say, nay!" Harry pleaded.
"Say 'yes', or Harry dies," Draco whispered into her ear.
"I dooooo NOT!" she shouted as a beam of magic shot through Harry's noose. Everyone was surprised as the Defense Association started attacking.
Ron ran up to the hang man's stage where Harry was taking the noose from his neck.
"Great shot, Ron," congratulated Harry.
"Err... I was aiming for the hang man," Ron whispered.
- from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights", and another shout out to Mel Brooks, a comedy genius.
"I'm going to be Headmaster of Hogwarts! Believe It!" shouted Harry giving everyone a thumbs up.
- from "Naruto", this was for everyone who hates the English Dubb.
These next couple came because I was on a "Naruto" kick when I was submitting a few more of these.
Teacher: (looking annoyed) All right you dunderheads! Introduce yourselves! Likes, dislikes, and dreams for the future.
Female student: (hesitating) But Professor, shouldn't you go first and show us how it's done?
Teacher: (rolls eyes) Fine. My name is Severus Snape; I like things and dislike even more things... I have dreams... Red, Go!
Students: (collectively thought) But all we got was a name...
Red: (shouting enthusiastically) My name is Ronald Weasley, but everyone calls me Ron! I like food, the color orange, Quidditch, the Chudley Cannons and Hermione! (Female student shudders in disgust) I hate the 3 seconds it takes the House Elves to bring us our food and that Potter-bastard! And my dream... Is to be Head Boy and Quidditch Captain of Gryffindor! Believe it!
Snape: (sign) Alright Bushy hair, you're next!
Hermione: My name is Hermione Granger. Well... I like... (Looks at the other male student) Who I like... (Blushes) I hate Ronald Weasley! (Ron groans in disappointment). My dream... (Looks at other male student, blushes and then giggles).
Snape: (rubs temple to ease migraine) Fine... You, next! (Points at the third student).
3rd Student: My name is Harry Potter. (His hands were interlocked in front of his face concealing his expressions. Hermione thought this was very 'cool') There aren't many things I like, but a lot of things I dislike. My dream... Is more of an ambition... It's to kill a certain man and revive my family.
-AND-
Krum: Beautiful Hermione, I, Viktor Krum, the Beautiful Blue Beast of Durmstrange, will protect you until you die. Will you be my girlfriend!
Hermione: (cringes in disgust) Eww... No! Those Eyebrows...!
Krum: (tears welling up in his eyes) Pro-Professor...
Karkaroff: (tears welling in his eyes, spreads arms wide) K-Krum...!
Krum: (Opens arms) Professor!
Karkaroff: (Hugs Viktor) Krum!
Krum: Professor!
Karkaroff: Krum!
(The two wizards hug in front of a sunset with a sandy beach)
Both: (still crying and hugging) Professor! Krum! Professor! Krum!
-AND-
Ron: Susan... Do you have a fever?
Susan: (turns red, while poking fingers) U-Ummm...
Ron: (places hand on Susan's forehead)
Susan: Eep! (Faints)
Ron: Susan!
- all from "Naruto". For those of you who are fans of both "Harry Potter" and "Naruto" and didn't get the character references: Ron as Naruto, Hermione as Sakura, Snape as Kakashi, Harry as Sasuke, Viktor Krum as Rock Lee, Karkaroff as Maito Gai and Susan Bones as Hinata.
"Potter... I am your Father's, cousin's, uncle's 2nd Roommate!" declared Voldemort.
"So what does that make us?" asked Harry confusedly.
"Nothing, which is exactly what you're going to be," exclaimed Voldemort, "Now... Say goodbye to you little friends and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago!"
- another "Space Balls" quote.
Harry, Neville, Ron and Dean were faced with one of the most powerful specters in existence on the rooftop of Hogwarts.
The specter looked at them in distain as Ron told him/her/it? where it should go. She appraised them calmly for a moment before asking the critical question.
"Are you a God?" she asked Ron, the chosen spokesperson.
Ron looked back at Harry, who nodded. He then looked at Neville who stared at him impassively and then at Dean who shrugged.
"Uhh... No?" said Ron.
"Then..." the being turned slightly away, before spinning towards them, arms stretched out before her."Die!"
Lightning arched from her fingertips as Harry, Ron, Neville and Dean were sent sprawling across the roof of the castle. They were nearly pushed over the edge, but managed to catch themselves in time. When all of them were certain they were safe, Ron met the gaze of a rather pissed off Harry Potter.
"Ron... Next time if someone asks you if you're a God..." Harry said with barely contained anger, "You say 'YES'!"
- from "Ghostbusters", this was another quote that was just too good to pass up!
Bill Weasley and Ted Tonks: Excellent! (Each pretends to play guitar)
-from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" and "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey", the names were too convenient not to use
Scrimgeour: So you kids have finally caught the monster.
Harry: Actually, this monster isn't a monster at all.
Hermione: Jinkies!
Ron: Zoinks!
Harry: The monster is none other than... (Pulls off mask)
All: Professor Dumbledore!
Dumbledore: And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!
Sirius: Rey!
Dumbledore: And their pesky dog too.
Sirius: Rooby-Rooby-Roooooooo!
- from "Scooby Doo" and dedicated to all those authors who so blatantly say Dumbledore did it! And let's face it; the canon Golden Trio is the magical version of Scooby Doo anyways.
Here is another string of "Star Wars" quotes.
Wormtail: (choking sounds)
Voldemort: I find your lack of faith... Disturbing...
- from "A New Hope"
Voldemort: Dumbledore, when I left you, I was but the learner, now I am The Master...
Dumbledore: Only a Master of Evil, Tom. Strike me down, and I shall become more powerful than you could ever imagine...
- from "A New Hope"
Harry rushes into the bathroom after the troll to save Hermione.
Hermione: Aren't you a little short for a Troll Slayer?
Harry: Huh? Oh, you mean the uniform... (Pulls off mask) I'm Harry Potter; I'm here to rescue you!
- from "A New Hope"
Lucius: (choking sound) (gurgling sounds) (collapses to the floor, dead)
Voldemort: Apology accepted... Lucius...
- from "The Empire Strikes Back"
Snape: (bowing before a holographic Voldemort) What is thy bidding, my master?
Voldemort: I have felt a disturbance in Magic... Young Potter must be killed... He must not become a full-fledged wizard.
Snape: If he can be swayed to our side, he could be a powerful ally...
Voldemort: Can it be done?
Snape: He will join us... Or die.
- from "The Empire Strikes Back"
Voldemort: Potter... The night I came to your home and killed your parents was the single most important day of your life, but for me... It was Tuesday...
- from "Street Fighter: The Movie", while many will say this was one of the worst video game movies ever made, they all agree this was one of the most awesome lines in movie history.
Harry & Ron: We're the Potter Brothers!
Hermione: And I'm the Potter Sister!
Ron: Look at our mad conjuring skills!
Harry: (waving wand around a lot) ABRA... Kapocus! (Conjures Fleur in Naughty Nurse Uniform)
Harry and Ron: Hheeellllllooooo Nurse!
Hermione: Boys...
- from "The Animaniacs", because who wouldn't want to see Fleur Delacour in a Naughty Nurse Uniform?
Ron: Everything was running fine until dickless here (points at Draco), shutdown the containment system!
Draco: They caused an explosion!
(A bunch of arguing starts)
Fudge: Enough! Enough! Is this true?
Harry: Yes sir, it's true. (Then looks at Draco) This man has no dick.
- once more, from "Ghostbusters"
Harry and Ron are trying to break into their Winnebago, while Death Eaters are shooting spells at them.
Lavender: You shot my hair! (Gets angry) That's it! (Fires off spells like crazy, kills all the death eaters)
Harry and Ron look over.
Harry: Wow... That was... That was... (Looks at Ron)
Ron: (Looks back at Harry and then towards the Death Eaters) Pretty good... For a girl...
Hermione: (rolls eyes) PUH-Leeeze! That was pretty good for Rambo!
-AND-
Draco: So... You thought you could get away... Turn around... Ah!
Looks over his captives, and then turns to his men.
Draco: YOU IDIOTS! These are not them... THESE are their STUNT DOUBLES
-AND-
Harry: (Holding a medallion) I've taken it to every wise man in the galaxy and none of them can tell me what it means...
Dumbledore: Wise men? You mean, wise guys, what do they know! Now let's see... Huck... Huck... Huurum... Huck... Humurrrum... Huck...
Harry: So... You can read it!
Dumbledore: Huh? What? No, I was just clearing my throat!
- Again, from "Space Balls"
Harry: I'll try my best.
Snape: Losers always whine about their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
Harry: (draws wands) Fleur was the prom queen.
Snape: (raises eyebrow in interest)
- from "The Rock", the movie NOT the professional wrestler!
Ron was doing a weird jig/strut as he made his way into the common room.
Harry: (Whispers to self, watching in horror) Oh my god... He's gettin' some...
Ron: (very cheerful) Hello, Mr. Potter!
Harry: I can't believe it... You and that beautiful lady!
Ron: What can I say? I am the Thieve of Hearts; I am the Gangster of Love!
Harry: (looking smug) Gangster, huh? Well tell me; was it more of a 'hold up' than a 'stick up'?
- from "Grumpier Old Men"
Harry: (To Neville) You've fallen in love with her, haven't you? (Sigh) Have a firewhiskey.
Neville: No, I can't... My body is a temple...
Harry: Well now it's an amusement park.
- from "Hell Boy 2: Rise of the Golden Army"
Harry: (Holding up a Bulgarian Quidditch Jersey, talking to an infant Teddy Lupin who was currently sitting on Harry's bed and staring at him intently) Now! I got this... From a girl, who got this... From Viktor Krum. I don't know how she got it, and frankly I DON'T want to know how she got it, but... I would appreciate it if you didn't give this your own personal hose down.
- from "Ghostbusters II"
Scorpius: I read both your books.
Harry: (Looking mildly surprised) Oh... What'd you think?
Scorpius: I liked the first one better; you seemed to like Dragons back then.
Harry: That was before they tried to eat me.
- from "Jurassic Park III"
Harry stood on the ledge looking down, mentally preparing himself not only for the long drop he was about to make, but the battles ahead of him.
Hermione: (Approaching him from behind) I'm... Never going to see you again... Am I?
Harry: (Purposely not look back at her) Probably not...
Hermione: Then I won't have to live this down. (Spinning Harry around, she gave him one long passionate kiss before Harry fell towards his destiny)
-AND-
Hermione: You knew didn't you, who he was?
Remus: No... But I suspected.
Hermione: Then... Why did you help us?
Remus: Because... I saw something in him. A small speck of light in all that darkness. Something he held onto. (His blind eyes moved approximately towards where Hermione was standing next to him) It was you.
Hermione knew then, that despite all that happened. Maybe, just maybe, things would turn out all right.
- from "The Force Unleashed"
Harry: (To Draco) Women, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em and tell the neighbors they're stripping in Knockturn Alley.
-AND-
Harry: Yeah, sorry, that was me. I had to dope him up to get him in here. Guy doesn't think he's sick.
Astoria: Who does?
Harry: His wife.
Astoria: The woman you used to live with.
Harry: That's her Indian name. On her Apparition license it's Ginevra Malfoy. I assume you have a point.
Astoria: You believe her over the patient himself. That's why we're taking this case.
Harry: The truth, I hear voices. All the time. Telling me to do stuff, it's crazy, huh?
Astoria: What happened to "everybody lies"?
Harry: I was lying.
-AND-
Harry: (As Ginny wheels Draco by in a wheelchair) In your physical therapy, have they gotten to the small muscles yet?
Draco: It's not the size of the muscle, but where you get to put it!
-AND-
Ginny: Our relationship is like an addiction. It's... like...
Harry: Really good potions?
Ginny: No, it's like... Vindaloo curry.
Harry: Okay, sure...
Ginny: Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chili peppers.
Harry: I know what it is! Didn't think it was addictive...
Ginny: You're abrasive and annoying and come on way too strong, like... Vindaloo curry. When you're crazy about curry, that's fine, but, no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off. And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time, but you wake up one day, and you think... Merlin, I really miss curry.
-AND-
Ginny: I'm not over you. You were... You were the one, you always will be. But I can't be with you.
Harry: So I'm the guy, but you want the other guy, who by definition can never be the guy.
-AND-
Two people were talking as they walked away from yet another post-war trial in the Department of Mysteries.
Daphne: Potter, I thought all Gryffindor Golden Boys were against the death penalty.
Harry: I'm only against capital punishment in theory. In practice however... It's a whole other issue.
-AND-
Harry: You wake up one morning and you find that the paint is peeling, the water is boiling and the curtains are gone. Which problem do you take care of first?
Ron: (Tries to answer)...
Harry: None of them, the damn house is on fire!
-AND-
Moody walks into the Auror Breakroom and immediately spots the bowl of candies brought in buy the rookie Auror-in-Training Nymphadora Tonks.
Moody: Candy Canes! Are YOU mocking me!
Tonks: (pales, gulps audibly) B-But... I.. I-I... The Holidays...
-AND-
Harry: Do you want the tickets or not?
Neville: Why don't you want to go with me?
Harry: It's a play. Dudes only go to plays if they're dragged by women they're hoping to see naked.
Neville: So why are you giving them to me?
Harry: Maybe there's someone you want to see naked?
- from "House M.D."
Harry: Alright everyone, once everyone gets their numbers in, we'll see who gets to go to Reno.
Pansy: (As she turns in her report) Hey, Potter! Guess where I'll be going this weekend!
Harry: It's hot, full of sinners, and you'll be dating Voldemort because that's his punishment
- from "The George Lopez Show"
Alastor Moody on Love...
'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using a simple cutting curse. This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many wizards could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, taking careful aim, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds.
- adapted from HK-47 from "Knights of the Old Republic"
The Ministry Six, while on the run, after being threatened by Goblin Bounty Hunters
Ron: Did anyone here catch that? All I understood was 'very'.
Neville: I think he was wanting us to give up Harry to his poorly trained collection of bounty hunters.
Ron: Ah. Well that would explain it. Which one do you want?
Neville: I'll take the stupid one who decided to threaten us rather than stunning us when he had the chance.
- Atton Rand and Bao Dur from "Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords"
Ron: So, uh, how long have you been an Auror? Must be tough you know... No family, no husband...
Tonks: No tougher than enduring your false sympathy while you're staring at my chest.
- Atton and female Exile from "Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords"
Tonks: I saw your service records when you transferred over from the Unspeakables, but nothing beyond that. I know very little about you. I'd like to ask you some questions, given our relationship.
Harry: Our relationship? Is that some kind of clumsy come-on?
Tonks: I was referring to the bond we share; the one the Headmaster spoke of. If I actually was interested in you, rest assured I could come up with a better approach than this!
Harry: Whoa, guess I touched a nerve there, huh?
Tonks: Touched a nerve, no. Getting on my nerves, most definitely. I suppose this is what you men consider being witty.
-AND-
Tonks: Where were you born?
Harry: Underneath Gringotts. I'm a Goblin...can't you tell?
Tonks: What is your background?
Harry: I'm a Acromantula in human form planning to overthrow the Ministry.
Tonks: How old are you?
Harry: 3012. Healthy living, you know.
Tonks: I see you intend to be childish about this.
- Bastila Shan and Revan from "Knights of the Old Republic"
Random Auror: You want us to arrest you?
Harry: I want you to try.
-AND-
Shacklebolt: No Abraxan hearts, no Dragon livers, not one Goblin testicle...
Harry: You're kidding right? Why would anyone want Goblin testicles?
Shacklebolt: Some Goblins believe that testicle transplants can increase their virility. Counteract the effects of the Genophage. It doesn't work but that doesn't stop them from buying. They'll pay up to 10,000 galleons each. Thats 40,000 for a full set. Somebody's making a killing.
-AND-
Harry trying to use the building's security measures to destroy a rogue Acromantula nest in the Department of Mysteries without the proper passcode.
Ministry Official: How can I help you?
Harry: Activate the arachnid purge.
Ministry Official: I'm sorry, but I can't do that without proper code authorization.
Harry: Uh, sic semper tyrana- *cough*
Minisry Official: That is not the correct code, please report to security for arrest and interrogation.
- from "Mass Effect"
Hermione: Harry... Why didn't you tell us you were The Boy Who Lived?
Harry: Because... I didn't wanna be...
-AND-
Draco: (To Lucius, looking at a map) How am I going to find The Boy Who Lived, Father? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
(Scene cuts to Ron looking at a similar map)
Ron: (To Harry) You have no idea where you're going, do you?
- from "Avatar: The Last Airbender"
Harry: Go back to where you belong... In my memories...
Voldemort: I will never be just a memory...
- from "Final Fantasy: Advent Children"