AN: If you don't like the adult portion of this story, I recommend you just skip the italics. Otherwise, enjoy! Sadly, this is winding down soon. But I can't say exactly how many chapters are left. Only my fingers know once they get inspired….
Jonny had no idea what time it was.
Had it not been Christmas, he would not have known the day either. He could not recall how long he had been sitting on the side of her bed. Hovering over her, holding her hand and staring down at her intently. Making sure she was real. Making sure he saw no signs of distress on her face. Making sure her breathing was steady. Brooding over the marks on her wrists where she had been restrained. Each time his thumb brushed across the irritated skin, he felt a flash of hot anger. Followed by a stabbing pain in his heart. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart with their hand. Making it difficult to breathe. The intensity of his reaction lessened each time, but still…
Each time was a singularly cruel reminder that made him wish...
He squeezed his eyes shut. As tight as he could manage. Trying to ignore how it felt to have his heart squeezed. 'Don't think about him,' he tried to tell himself. 'He can't hurt anyone ever again. He can't hurt her.' Then he opened his eyes slowly and smiled down at her. Turning her hand over in his and rubbing the pad of his thumb across her palm. Feeling her heartbeat there. Feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of tears yet again.
He swallowed the urge back. "I love you," he whispered simply. "Let's go home soon," he thought of the Compound. It felt like a lifetime ago since they were there together. "I wanna take you home, Ace."
He was startled out of his vigil when Estella came into his peripheral view and gripped his shoulder. "What's that?" Jonny asked. He knew she had said something, but could not have repeated it to save his life.
"What did you say to her?" Estella asked.
"Hmm?"
"What did you say to her?" she asked again softly. "Before when she was anxious? It seemed to calm her down."
"I…," he trailed off. "I don't really remember," he yawned. It was not a total lie. He did not remember exactly what he had said her. Only the gist of it, which was his promise that they would be alright. But he did not feel like getting into the details with her mother.
"Son?" Benton tried to get his attention next.
Jonny turned his head slowly, but had to close his eyes tight again for a moment to focus in on his father's form. He was seeing double. Barely staying upright. "Yeah Pop?"
"Your brother and I plan to head back to the hotel. For a few hours," Benton told him.
"Okay," Jonny nodded. "I'll see you soon."
"She'll be asleep for several hours," Benton continued. "She wasn't ready to be up and around like that yet. She needs to rest to recover. Any chance I could convince you to come with…yeah I didn't think so," he sighed when Jonny gave him an incredulous look and then turned back to Jessie at the suggestion. Benton approached and placed a hand on Jonny's back. "At least promise me you'll get some sleep while we're gone? You NEED sleep. You're no good to her if you can't even think straight," he finished logically, knowing that invoking Jessie's name would be the best way to get Jonny to listen in his present state.
"I promise," Jonny told him dutifully and then stood to give his father a long hug. "I can't leave her," he explained.
Benton enjoyed the unexpected embrace. "I know. Everything will be okay now," he said. Needing to hear it out loud himself.
"Thank you for taking care of her when I couldn't," Jonny told him in a heartfelt tone and then looked at Hadji over his father's shoulder. "You too."
Benton stepped back, shrugging and looking at Jessie briefly before back at his son. "She almost escaped on my watch."
Jonny shrugged too and rolled his eyes. "I mean…you kept her in the building," Jonny laughed. "Thank you."
"You are most welcome," Benton smiled. "We'll be back soon. Hopefully, everyone will be up for a little celebrating and gifts by then. If not, it'll still be nice to be together."
Jonny nodded his agreement and then walked over to give his brother a hug too.
"Do you need anything before I go?" Hadji asked.
"No," Jonny grinned. "I have everything I need."
"Well…I did grab you a bag of fresh clothes and some toiletries from the hotel," Hadji pointed to a duffle bag in the corner.
"I appreciate it," Jonny said. Excited to take a shower and wash all his pain and frustration away. He also wanted to burn the clothes he wore. He never wanted to see them again. He stared at the bag longingly for a moment as his father and brother left. Then he walked back over to Jessie to find her exactly how he left her.
'She's okay,' he thought again, allowing himself to pay attention to the other things going on around him instead of sinking back into a vacuum where he only saw or heard her.
He noticed that Estella was still standing guard on the other side of Jessie's bed and he quickly glanced back to find Race sitting quietly in the corner. Watching them all like…well a bodyguard on full alert. Jonny thought he must be exhausted too. And wanting to spend some alone time with Jessie. Jonny had been completely monopolizing her without a second thought. He looked at Race again. Wondering. This time their eyes connected.
'Why is he letting me?' Jonny did not dwell on that thought for long. He just decided to be grateful.
He smiled down at Jessie, cupping her face in his hand. Enjoying the softness of her skin. Then he leaned over to feel the warmth of her face against his cheek and so he could whisper in her ear. "Have good dreams, baby. I love you desperately. I can't say it enough."
Jonny gave her a long kiss on the temple before straightening and looking back at Race. "Thanks," he said somewhat awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting his eyes to his feet. "I'm gonna…take a shower," he made a beeline for his duffle bag and headed straight for the bathroom without another word.
Once behind closed doors, he turned on the water and sank to the ground to catch his bearings. "What's wrong with me?" he said to himself. Not expecting an answer, but still wanting one.
He knew what her immediate and sarcastic response would be.
"Do you want the list chronological or alphabetical, Hotshot?"
He knew what her honest follow-up would be too.
"Nothing to make me love you less, baby."
He focused on that answer as he stood, undressed and climbed into the shower lazily. It took more effort than it should have because he was starting to give in to his body, which was screaming at him to power down. The warm water felt amazing, but he was already thinking about how sleep would be more amazing.
XXX
Race sat in the corner of the room for over an hour staring at his family. His eyes kept shifting from one to the other obsessively, but he spent most of his time watching Jessie as Jonny hovered over her. Race let him. It was not easy or even selfless. It was necessary. What Jonny needed to step back from the edge he had been teetering on for days. Once Jonny left, Race stood slowly and walked over to Jessie with a big smile on his face. He sat down on her bed where Jonny had been and took her hand. His other hand rubbed her arm. Reassuring himself. His head dropped between his shoulders and he took three deep breaths.
"Are you okay?" Estella asked hesitantly.
"Fine," he responded gruffly and she sighed. He looked at her. "What?"
"Nothing," she smiled unconvincingly and turned her attention back to Jessie.
"I wanna know," he pushed. Softening his voice.
She shrugged and took so long to answer he did not think she would. "I promised myself a long time ago that I'd never ask you that question again after a mission," she shook her head as if she was angry with herself.
"Why?" he furrowed his brow. Unsure if he wanted to know the answer.
The sad look in her eyes when she turned back to him again made him swallow hard. "I don't think you've ever given me an honest answer to that question. You've never said more than 'fine.' Eventually…I just stopped asking."
"I noticed," he looked away. Regret filling his heart. "….and I'm sorry," he apologized. "At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. By both of you."
"I know," she told him. "You always try to do right by other people."
"Just not my family?" he added what he thought she was implying.
"Let's not start listing our flaws. We'd be up all night," she laughed lamely. "And I'm sure Jess doesn't need to hear it." She was quiet again for a while. "At least we know for sure that we did one thing right," she smiled at him genuinely and he smiled back.
"We sure did."
XXX
"Did you do this to get laid?" she asked bluntly and saw by the look on Jonny's face that she had caught him off guard. He surprised her with a picnic on the beach. They were spending the Memorial Day weekend at the Florida Compound. Jonny coaxed her away from the pool. She feigned disinterest, but he looked better than usual in his new blue board shorts and with tanner skin. She wanted to be alone with him. He had the whole thing set up right down to the checkered blanket about a half mile from the house. She thought – and not for the first time – how much she loved her life. Private beach and a boyfriend she could not get enough of. They listened to music and the ocean while eating and laughing as they reminisced about learning to surf on this beach. And how terrible she was at it. He gave her a perfect afternoon. She loved him for it and she wanted him for it, but she could not resist teasing him a little first.
"Excuse me?" he huffed, sitting up from his prone position on that checkered blanket. She did the same.
"You heard my question, babe. If you need more time to think up a good answer…all you have to do is ask," she baited.
He shrugged. "Hey…I thought that was just our preferred cardio now?" he shot back with a disarming smile.
"Mmm," she nodded, tapping her lips with her index finger and inching closer. "That's not an answer." He stared at her in confusion for a moment and then stood abruptly. Surprising her. "Jonny?"
"Didn't realize I had to be so calculated about getting laid," he spat. "I thought it was a mutual decision. Not a fucking game."
"Baby," she admonished. "I was only messing with you." He did not respond. "Jonny?" she pushed. "I'm sorry."
She was about to stand, but he paced a few steps away and turned his back on her before she could. She watched him. Staring out at the ocean. Frozen in her own confusion. Before she could formulate her next thought, he came back and sat down beside her with a thud. But he did not look at her. He was still focused on the ocean instead.
"I'm sorry," she repeated and tentatively placed a hand on his knee. She stared at his profile, but his expression gave nothing away. "I swear I was teasing. It wasn't my intention to ruin a great surprise, Quest."
"You didn't ruin anything," he sighed. "It's just that sometimes…"
"What?" she insisted when he stopped talking.
"Sometimes you say you're joking about something when you're really not, Jess. You bring it up as a joke, I assume to see how I'll react first, instead of… " he trailed off.
Jessie straightened. She did do that. "You see right through me most of the time," she sighed. "So look at me and tell me if I was serious," she challenged. He gave her a long stare and the blue of his eyes cut through her. She did not realize she was holding her breath as she waited for an answer until she got one in the form of his shoulders relaxing. "Right through me," she sighed again. "Have you ever loved something as much as you hated it?"
"Yes," a soft smile graced his face as he turned back to the ocean.
"What?"
"The fact that you can see right through me woman," he shook his head like it was obvious. He was quiet for a while. "I don't ever want you to think that…" he trailed off again.
Jessie scooted closer and rested her chin on his shoulder. "I know you better than anyone. I know your heart. Inside and out." She kissed the sensitive skin behind his ear for a long moment before speaking again. "I don't think that. I never have. I was being a smartass and it backfired on me. I honestly thought you'd play along. Come right back at me with several inappropriate comments that I somehow find charming coming outta your mouth."
He turned his head and found her lips without warning. He gripped the back of her neck gently with one hand. She wrapped both her hands around his. He deepened the kiss without warning too and she moaned freely in response. She was a heartbeat away from pushing him down and straddling him when he ended it with a soft peck and turned back to the ocean. She sighed happily, biting her lip and smiling. "I love my life," she whispered in his ear. "I love you, Jonny Quest. More than anything else."
"I do nice things for you because I love you. It's important to me that I make you happy," he clarified.
"I know," she kissed his temple. Then she pulled his earlobe between her teeth, while sliding her hand from his knee to his inner thigh.
Jonny cleared his throat as her hand moved higher up his leg. "I'm inside you as much as humanly possible because I have a dick that thinks you're smoking hot, babe."
Jessie grinned at the heady tone of his voice and the way he closed his eyes to focus on her hands and lips at work. She lifted her hand to trace and tease the muscles of his stomach. Her lips and teeth alternated between his ear and the skin around it.
"Jess," he hissed quietly, but it turned into a relieved groan when she straddled him. His eyes popped open and he sat up straighter. In an instant, his arms encircled her and their foreheads were pressed together.
She felt warm all over. She stared down for a moment. The visual of her knees on the checkered blanket and locked against his hips seared into her brain. Her hand slipped inside his shorts and around him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His head tipped back and she stared at his Adam's apple as he swallowed hard.
"Look at me," she demanded. He did. She gripped him tight and stroked him soft. She watched his face and changed how she pleasured him just by watching. His expressions always gave him away. Their hips moved against each other slowly like they were making love, but her hand was doing all the work.
His hands started to roam once they found a good rhythm. They flattened against her back and touched every inch of skin before reaching the knot that held her bikini top on.
"No," she panted. "Leave it on."
He listened, but his eyes dropped from her face to her breasts. She felt her nipples peak under his gaze. Even though she was sweating and feeling even warmer all over between the sun and him.
"Jonny. Please?" she begged, but did not have anything specific in mind. He answered by leaning forward and licking a nipple through her suit. "Ahhh….I love you…your tongue," she mumbled as he ran the flat of it between her breasts and over her collar bone until he was kissing her neck.
The movement of her hand had faltered when she tensed to see what he would do, but she refocused and their hips moved together again once he settled in on placing soft kisses all over her shoulder and up her neck to ear.
She felt his lips form a smile against her skin before he spoke. "Smoking hot," he mumbled.
"Ha," she leaned back to look in his eyes. "I have ZERO complaints," she growled. "…about your dick and what it likes to do to me. NONE," she added firmly. She saw the change in his eyes before he reacted so she did not tense or fight him when he grabbed both her wrists and had her on her back a moment later. Arms pinned above her head.
"Arms stay there," he ordered, breathing heavily. She smiled and nodded, digging her hands in the sand as he released her wrists. He was leaning over her on all fours. Eyes roaming. She did the same and immediately regretted agreeing the keep her hands put. She wanted to touch his tan skin and loop her arms under his as he…
She moaned and arched her hips just thinking about it. She heard him chuckle.
"I'm not even touching you yet, beautiful." But he was touching her before he finished that sentence. Pressing a palm into the center of her chest and then pushing the fabric of her top under her breasts until she was laid bare in front of him.
He shrugged and grinned when her eyes shot to his. "It's still on," he defended, taking a nipple in his mouth a second later.
Her retort died on her lips as his tongue took her mind elsewhere. The back of her head and her hands sank further into the sand. The rest of her body arched toward him. "Babe," she mummered. "Don't stop." Each swipe of his tongue sent a jolt through her body. "Don't stop," she said more firmly when he took his mouth away. She propped herself up on her elbows and gave him an angry look.
He smiled and shook his head like she was being ridiculous, which she was because he was just switching focus. She relaxed back again as his hand replaced his mouth against her right breast and his mouth closed over the other hungrily.
"Jonny," she praised. "So good. When you do this, I can't help but think of…" she trailed off with a whimper.
Jessie opened her eyes slowly when he sat back and parked his hands on her moving hips. Pressing them into the blanket. "Think of what?" Jonny asked, admiring his work with a satisfied grin. The pale skin of her breasts were in complete contrast with her bright red and peaked nipples. Still wet from his mouth. His hands slid from her hips until they were cupping her breasts and his thumbs were circling her oversensitive nipples. Her eyes crossed until she was seeing double.
"Think of what?" he asked again.
"Do you remember…the night the power went out. We were in Boston and..."
"Of course I remember," he cut her off. "Is that what you want?" he asked, rolling her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.
"Oh," she called out. Trying to decide what she wanted.
She had planned to lose her virginity that night. They had planned it. Down to the minute, but their plan was interrupted. She thought about that night a lot. Even though it did not end the way they planned it. They were only in Boston for one night to attend yet another benefit. They had checked into the hotel to get dressed and were out the door again just as quickly. The first part of their plan worked. Leaving the party early because she felt 'sick.' They held hands and were nervous giddy the entire cab ride back to the hotel. The power was out when they got there. She remembers deflating for a moment in the lobby, but then he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight against his chest. He kissed her three times. Her shoulder, her neck and finally her ear. She could still feel each one. "We don't need the power," he had reminded her. "We only need each other for this."
The darkness and the silence of her hotel room was initially disturbing. It was easy to forget how comforting the steady hum of background noise could be until it was absent. He had quickly fixed those problems too. Using his phone for what little light they needed and to play some music. Her eyes adjusted to the dark fast.
She went right for his belt after he placed the phone on the nightstand. "Wait," he insisted, pushing her into the center of the bed gently. He removed his shoes and then hers before settling in beside her. Pushing strands of hair behind her ear. "Jonny?" she had asked when he hesitated.
"We have hours," he pointed out. "I don't want to rush. I've waited five years."
Her brow furrowed. "We haven't been together that long."
He smiled softly and wrapped a warm hand around her face. "Baby, I've wanted you longer than I've had you." She would never forget the way he looked at her as he said that.
He did take his sweet time. She had wondered for weeks after they were interrupted if he regretted that decision, but he had taken his time. Untying the top of her halter dress and pushing it down to her waist. His hands and mouth spent an inordinate amount of time worshipping her breasts. She could not say if it was him, the anticipation or a combination of the two, but he made her come that night without even touching her below the waist. It was intense and took them both off guard. She would also never forget the way he stared down at her after.
"Babe? Did you just…"
"Holy fuck," she exclaimed.
"What was that?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," she laughed and gave him a look like he was crazy. "Keep going," she grinned.
They were interrupted a short time later by a fire alarm and spent the next few hours stuck in the lobby.
She did not want to be interrupted now.
"Baby?" he asked again. "Is that how you want to come? Tell me." He increased the pressure of his hands.
"I'm still thinking," she swallowed. "You make it so hard to think." She closed her eyes.
He bent down so he could whisper in her ear. So her chest would brush against his. So she could feel his arousal against her stomach. "Tell me how you want it. Is that what you want?"
"No," she cried out without thinking. Reaching between them to touch him and then push his shorts down just enough.
"Thank God," he admitted, reaching back to push her hands away so he could guide himself. He pushed the material of her swimsuit aside as she curled her arms under his to grip his shoulders. He was inside her a heartbeat later. It was not slow. It was a rushed erratic thrust fueled by lust.
"Jonny?" she tensed and he froze.
"What's wrong?" he asked. Strained.
"Nothing," she relaxed back against the sand. He had just surprised her. More often than not, he eased inside her no matter how rushed the rest of it was. "Keep going," she smiled to herself.
He stared down between them for a moment and then back at her face. "I love you," he whispered and started moving over her slowly. Eyes boring deep into hers. As overwhelming as ever.
"You make me so happy," she breathed back. Framing his face with her hands and guiding his mouth to hers for a sloppy kiss. "Every single day," she said against his lips. "Tell me how you want it," she used his words against him.
A happy chill ran down her spine when she felt his lips turn up into a smile. "Hands above your head again," he told her without hesitation. Then he unwrapped her legs from his waist and planted them on the blanket.
She licked her lips and felt her eyelids hood. "I love watching you like this."
Jonny responded by pushing up on his knees and the arm he had planted by her head. "Don't move, baby."
"Huh?"
"Don't move," he insisted. Quietly, but fiercely. Dragging his other hand across her skin until it reached her hip. "Let me do all the work," he growled, tilting her pelvis up and then pulling her hips off the ground to meet his roughly. "Jess," he moaned and so did she. Being able to go deeper in this position. His eyes were no longer on hers. They were everywhere else though as he pulled her against him hard and fast.
Jessie tossed her head back until she could see the ocean. Then she closed her eyes and focused on the sound of the waves and the smacking of their skin. The feel of him. She could not abide his request not to move. She reached up and grabbed his shoulders again. Moving with him. "Jonny," she called out.
"Ha," he exhaled. Not expecting it. "Hands above your head," he told her, but she did not think it sounded as convincing as before.
"No," she locked her arms behind his neck and held on tight.
"Fuck," he grunted, burying himself to the hilt and then gripping her hips. He sat back until she was in his lap again.
A carefree laugh burst through her lips. She kissed his forehead. His nose. His lips. Until she was settled atop him.
"Want me to do all the work?" she challenged. He pushed her hips down, showing her what he wanted.
"Since you can't follow simple instructions," he pointed out.
She laughed from the back of her throat, kissing the length of his jawline to his ear. "You don't want me to behave."
"I…ha," he buried his head in her shoulder and did not finish his thought out loud. His body quaked between her arms. She held on tight and clenched her muscles around him until he called out her name and fell back onto the blanket ungracefully.
He fell back so fast that she had to brace a hand on his chest to keep from falling over herself. She watched him as he recovered. Eyes closed and taking deep breaths. "Babe?" he smiled.
"Hmm?" she asked, tracing his abs with one finger.
He stood. Taking her with him and surprising her again. He righted both their bathing suits as he walked toward the ocean. "I have a confession," he admitted.
She kissed him quick. "What?"
"If I HAD to do nice things to get laid?" he raised an eyebrow. "You bet your perfect ass I would. You're addicting."
She laughed happily and kissed him again as he wading into the water waist deep. He turned until his body covered hers if you were watching them from the beach and then let go of her. Once it was clear she was supporting herself, he freed her breasts again with his left hand and trailed his right down her body until he had two fingers inside her.
She eagerly pushed into both his hands. Then she was the one shaking in his arms. "So beautiful," he praised.
As she caught her breath, she tenderly kissed his neck and rubbed the back of his head. "Surprise me with another picnic tomorrow?" she asked softly.
"I love you."
She kissed him again and then rested her chin on his shoulder. Nuzzling her face into his. "Will it always be like this?" she wondered.
"No," he said practically. "Some days will be even better. Others not so much. But either way I'll be there, baby. Spoiler alert."
She repeated his words in her head and absorbed them. Then she looked up and froze in Jonny's arms upon seeing the man on the beach staring at them. She tried to scream, but no matter how hard she tried no sound came from her mouth. She knew they were in danger. She pitched forward and tried to scream again. To warn the man off. To warn Jonny.
"JON…"
"…NY," she shot forward in the bed wildly. Breathing erratically and trying to fight. Race caught her in his arms. Pulling her close and holding her tight.
"It's okay, sweetheart." He rubbed her back, hoping it soothed her. "You're okay."
Jessie calmed as the dream faded away and she recognized that it was her father in front of her. She registered his cologne first.
Her voice cracked. "Dad?"
"I'm here," he promised.
Jessie wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry. Deep and full body sobs.
"You're okay," he kept repeating in her hair.
Jessie eventually pulled away from her father. Hands covering her face as she fell back against the pillows.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly.
Race tried to pull her hands from her face, but stopped when he felt her tense. "For what?" he asked softly.
Her hands dropped and her eyes followed. "I don't know," she mumbled.
"Try to remember that, Ponchita?"
Her eyes flicked up to his upon hearing her childhood nickname. She sat up again. Reality crashing back as she stared at him. Her face scrunched up. "Are you okay?" she asked in a worried tone, looking him up and down.
Race huffed and shook his head. "Am I okay?"
"You're not hurt or…."
"I'm fine," Race interrupted and cupped her cheek. "Worried about you. We both are," he smiled at Estella, who was sitting patiently in a chair by Jessie's bed and letting them have their reunion. He was grateful for that.
"I'm…" she started and then began looking around the room instead. She only saw her parents.
"Shower," Race told her before the panic could take over.
She looked at the closed door of the bathroom and closed her eyes. She relaxed when she heard the soft hum of running water. 'He didn't leave.' Her heart jumped at the thought.
"Keri?" she asked.
Race smiled indulgently and let her deflect attention off herself. "Resting," he said. "Her parents landed safely. They'll be here soon."
"Good," she tried to smile, but it came off forced. "Brenda? She's having a baby. I tried… I tried to help her," Jessie's chin shook. Her voice sounded defeated and she dropped her head again.
Race put two fingers under her chin and lifted. "Of course you did. Your my daughter."
Her eyes welled with tears and she shifted them away. She stared hard at the bathroom door, trying not to let her tears fall. Her father's praise hurt because she failed. She tried to help, but she failed. And it was a hard pill to swallow. "I was scared," she swallowed. Her chin shook again and she bit her lip to try and stop it.
"So was I," Race admitted.
Jessie let out a shaky breath and let it go, knowing there was nothing he could say to make her feel better about it. Knowing he would not stop trying though. She loved him for that. She opened and closed her mouth a few times without successfully asking the question she really wanted to ask.
Race pulled her into another hug. Selfishly wanting to keep her close. She held on tight. They both needed it.
"What can I do?" he asked quietly. Needing to do something and needing the direction for once.
"Just tell me the truth?" she sat back again.
Race looked into her glassy eyes and was ready to give her anything. "He told you the truth, Jess. We gave our statements and…"
"Is that monster dead?" she rushed and then held her breath. "Is he?" she choked out.
Race paused for a moment, forgetting that she did not know. "Jessie," he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.
A heartbreaking "oh no" escaped her lips when he did not respond immediately.
"He's dead," Race promised firmly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. He watched as those glassy eyes filled with more that fell silently.
"Thank you," she breathed out slowly and then threw her arms around him again. "Thank you, dad."
It was a few minutes before she sat back again, sucking in a big gulp of air as she did. She stared at him sadly once she did and then sighed heavily. Clearly exhausted.
"Go back to sleep," Race urged.
"Thank you," she said again. Quieter this time. Looking at him with wide eyes. Like she did when she was five years old and thought he could do anything. Fix anything. At least, that was how he felt right then.
"I know I don't have to thank you," she swallowed. Her head dropped and a frustrated gasp escaped her lips. "But the thought of seeing him again. I…just thank you."
Race licked his lips. He did not want to tell her. Burden her with the truth of it all, but he could not justify lying. "It wasn't me," he said simply.
Jessie was surprised to hear that, but it did not matter. "Whatever," she shrugged. "I'm just glad he's gone and that he can't hurt anyone else. Can you pass my thanks along?" she asked and then grabbed his hand. Squeezing tight. "I know it can be such a thankless job." Jessie found herself wondering how many lives were better for the things that her father had done, but had never gotten any thanks for. She had never given it much thought before.
The sentiment warmed his heart, but the affect did not last long. He looked at Estella, who nodded at him, and then back at Jessie. Race grabbed her other hand too. He knew it would upset her.
Jessie's voice got caught in her throat. "What?" she forced out. "What is it?" she demanded when he did not speak fast enough.
Race released the breath he was holding. "The man who did this owned three properties on the island," he explained. "We found the first one by searching a series of locations that seemed…possible candidates for this kind of activity," he pursed his lips.
"This kind of activity?" she repeated angrily. "A pyscho's rituals?"
"Yes," he spat.
"We?" she wanted him to clarify.
"Me, an old friend and Jonny," he continued. "I…we didn't have any concrete leads. Neither did the authorities….so we searched blind until we found something."
"How did you know he owned the property?" she asked. "What did you find?" A sinking feeling began to grow in the pit of her stomach. She knew where this was going, but hoped that she was wrong.
"Pictures," Race bristled. "Of the other girls. Hundreds. He had been following them for quite some time."
"He told me I wasn't part of his plan," she mumbled and a tear fell. Her father still had a tight hold on her hands so the tear rolled down her face and hit her lap. "I wasn't…this wasn't supposed to happen. Were there pictures of me?"
She closed her eyes tight. Like she was trying to remember something. Or trying to forget something. "Yes," he confirmed. Race watched her face scrunch up in pain and then relax. "Sweetheart…"
"I told him you'd come for me. I told him that he picked the wrong family. He just laughed at me," she forced a smile. "But I knew…it would've been worse if he didn't take me. They'd all be dead," she said as if it were fact. "And he would've done it again. Right?" She opened her eyes. "It would've been worse if he didn't take me, right?"
Race leaned his forehead against hers. "Yes," he said as it were fact and then he decided to stop stalling. "It was Jonny."
"I know," her voice cracked. Jessie pulled her hands from his and wrapped them around herself instead. Her mother came back to sit on her bed too.
"I'm so sorry," Race apologized.
"It's not your fault," Jessie insisted. "I don't think that."
"I let…" Race stopped himself from continuing. He would not put his guilt on her. He watched her as she tried to process it. Her face was calmer than he expected.
"When I was eight…I think," she rolled her eyes. "I remember playing on the beach with Jonny. I had made a random comment that the wild flowers sprouting through the rocks out by the caves were my favorite. He said it was dumb to even like flowers because they die so fast," she laughed. "And that it was even dumber to like those because they die faster. Because of high tide or rough waters. Do you remember those flowers?" she smiled at her father. "I can't remember the last time I saw them."
He grinned back. "I remember that area was off limits BECAUSE of high tide and rough waters," he raised an eyebrow.
"Right," she scoffed. "Anyway…a few days later I found a pile of those wild flowers on my bed," she closed her eyes at the memory. "It was idiotic and unnecessary, but he climbed up there and picked them for me. Because I said they were my favorite," she shook her head and then opened her eyes. "When I was ten, an older boy pulled me down off the monkey bars. I didn't brace myself fast enough. Smacked my head on ground and cut my bottom lip open with my teeth. I can still taste the blood. It was idiotic and unnecessary, but Jonny chased the boy around the playground. Got a split lip too for his trouble. He couldn't just let it go. Because I got hurt." Her eyes welled again and she huffed in annoyance. "I'm SO sick of crying," she complained. "My entire face hurts."
Estella moved closer and finally spoke. Softly. "You need to get it all out. I promise you'll feel better once you do."
Jessie was quiet for a while, trying to ignore everything that hurt.
"When I was fifteen," she deflected. "I was walking through the annual Greek cultural festival at school. I had stopped by the Aphrodite exhibit to read about her and some jerk told me not to bother because I would never be as pretty as her," she sniffed. "Everyone around laughed and it seemed like the story made its rounds before the end of the day. Predictable," she sighed.
"That's how idiot teenage boys act when they're intimidated." Race growled.
"Not all of them," she stared at the bathroom door for a moment. "SOMEONE had spray painted a message on the exhibit by the next day," she huffed in disapproval, but had a smile on her face. "It said I think you're beautiful. I've never asked, but I know it was him. It was idiotic and vandalism, but he did it anyway. Because he knew they hurt my feelings and wanted to make me feel better…"
"Jessie," her mother tried. "Can I get you something to eat?"
"He really upped the ante last year. Stood between me and a guy with a machine gun looking for me," she rolled her eyes. "That was obviously idiotic, but he didn't even stop to think about it. Because he was trying to protect me. And now this…"
"Jessie…."
"He killed him," she stared through her parents and tried to keep her breathing steady.
"Jessie…"
"It wasn't wrong," she defended. "He didn't do anything wrong." She was breathing quickly and deeply. Race embraced her upper arms gently and touched his forehead to hers again. Encasing her. "Dad?" She sounded afraid.
"It wasn't wrong," he agreed.
XXX
Jonny did not turn off the water until it went cold. Even then, he was not ready for the shower to be over. But he was ready to get back to Jessie and to get some sleep. He toweled off and redressed as fast as his tired body would allow. His eyes were drooping where he stood, but they shot back open when he opened the door. Surprised to see her sitting up and Race embracing her. His immediate response was a big grin, which he met her with when she turned at the sound of his entrance.
His smile waned a bit when he saw the distress on her face. He tossed his duffle bag into the corner and walked to her slowly. He stopped a few feet from her bed. "What is it?" he asked.
"Bad dream," she croaked. Doing her best to lay back and curl to her side. "It's all just a bad dream," she said hollowly. "We were getting caught up…"
Race was rubbing her arm. Estella her back. Jonny's eyes focused on her face. "Do you want me to take a walk?" he offered. Hoping she did not take him up on it.
"No." She said it as if it were the most ridiculous thing that could have come out of his mouth. Then she rolled to her back and looked up at the ceiling. Instantly restless, she inclined the bed into a half sitting position. Her parents stood.
"Jess?" Jonny asked. Confused.
"Mom? Dad?" she started. "Can we have some time alone?"
"Of course," Race smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead. He gave Jonny a strong nod and a reassuring pat on the shoulder before leaving the room.
Estella did the same, except she gripped Jonny's hand briefly as she walked by him and out the door.
Jonny watched them leave and then turned back to Jessie with a furrowed brow. "Hey."
She took a deep breath before responding. Determined to stay strong through this conversation. "It's gonna take some time to get used to my mom being so nice to you," she teased.
He laughed and some of the tension he was feeling a moment prior faded. "Me too, babe."
She extended her arm toward him. Palm facing upward.
He moved to her eagerly and laced their fingers. He stared at their linked hands and her face next. "When's the last time I told you how beautiful you are?"
She closed her eyes and smiled. A small laugh burst through her lips. "A few hours, slacker."
He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a firm kiss. "Apologies, love."
"Lay down with me," she tugged on his hand. "You look more than exhausted."
He hesitated and she frowned. "These nurses already hate me," he hedged. But that was not the reason he still stood. He selfishly wanted to hold her close, but worried about hurting her.
"Please," she tugged again. Shifted to the edge so he would have enough room. "It'll make me feel safer."
"Oh…you don't play fair," he relented, climbing into the bed carefully and getting under the blankets. Once settled beside her, he closed his eyes and thought he may slip into sleep within a few heartbeats. But then he felt her lift his arm to get closer. "Don't hurt yourself," he ordered. He left his scolding at that though. Knowing she would do what she wanted anyway. She relaxed her head on the pillow next to his. He could feel her warm breath on his cheek. Then he felt it on his neck when she nuzzled closer. The hand not trapped under her body fisted his t-shirt. He rested one hand on her hip and the other on her neck. "I needed this," he admitted. "Been thinking about it for two days."
"I know," she whispered. "Me too. I thought about climbing back in bed with you at least three times before I walked out that door."
"I wish I would've woken up and kept you there."
"I don't," she shot back. "I can't."
"How can you say that?" he growled.
"I'm not the only one you saved," she reminded.
His heart jumped and wondered how much she knew. "You're the only one I care about," he said tiredly.
"Liar," she accused sweetly.
"Alright, but…" he did not know what to say.
"You can't reconcile the difference between my pain and their lives?" she offered.
"No," he said.
"Good," she kissed his shoulder. "You shouldn't be able to. I can't either."
"I CAN reconcile the difference between your life and theirs," he said solemnly. Like it made him a bad person to feel that way. "Easily. I found Lena. I saw Lisa before they took her away. I…"
She kissed his neck and then lifted her head. She unfisted her hand from his t-shirt and caressed his cheek until he tilted his head to look at her. She could not place the look in his eyes, but she did not like it and knew that whatever feelings he was grappling with in that moment were magnified by exhaustion and guilt. "That doesn't make you bad?"
"It doesn't?"
She shrugged. "Who am I to judge? Fine…but if you're bad, then I'm bad. If you think it'd be hard for me to chose between your life and a stranger's, you'd be very wrong. I'd chose you," she said seriously. Hoping he understood. "Every single time," she added softly.
His hand was still on her neck. His thumb rubbing circles over her skin. "Can I kiss you?" he asked after a long moment.
"My answer is the same as the last time you asked me that," she teased.
He had asked her that before he kissed her for the second time ever. Knowing things were different after that first kiss, but still unsure of himself. "I need reminding," he told her.
"Yes and you never have to ask again," she smiled. His lips covered hers before she finished smiling. It was long, but innocent. He felt her try to get closer, but all she could manage was entwining her leg with his.
He ended the kiss reluctantly. Overwhelmed by the fears he had let creep into his mind when she was still missing. He tried to shake them away. "I love you so much, Jessie."
She kissed him this time and he did not pull back. He happily moved his lips over hers until she ended it. "I love you too." She rested her head back between his shoulder and neck. "Go to sleep. I know we have a lot to talk about, but it can wait."
"There's one thing that can't," he said haltingly. "I need to tell you."
She held her breath and waited. And waited. "Jonny?" She felt him take a deep breath, but remain quiet. "Go to sleep," she rubbed his chest. "It can wait."
"Jessie…I…," he trailed off.
"Baby," she made him look at her again. "It's okay."
She made him feel calmer, but he was still struggling to get the words out. "I don't know how to say it." It was harder while looking into her eyes.
"You don't have to say it…I already know," she told him.
Jonny looked at her in confusion and then got the courage to say it. "You weren't part of his plan, Jess."
"Oh," she swallowed. Looking away for a moment. Not expecting to hear that. Jonny stroked her face and waited. "I already knew that too."
"How?"
She paused. Not wanting to remember. "He told me," she admitted. "He saw us on the beach…" she stopped. It made her sick that he saw them.
"I'm sorry I took you out there…"
"Stop," she cut him off. "That's a ridiculous thought. Don't go there."
He did anyway. "If I hadn't taken you there none of this…"
She interrupted him again. "If I hadn't gone BACK there again, he never would've taken me either. He only took me because I was there at the exact wrong time. He told me so himself. By your logic, that makes it my fault. Do you think it was my fault?" She had said it to make a point, but her voice still broke on the last word.
He sighed. "You know I don't think that."
"Then why do you think I'd blame you?" she challenged.
"I don't," he responded quietly. "I blame myself."
"That makes me feel awful," she told him honestly. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to respond, but she kept talking before he could. "To know that you're turning yourself inside out because of me? That's an awful feeling. To feel like I'm the cause of it. You must understand? Don't make me feel that way for no good reason. Please? Because that's NOT a good reason. Something completely out of your control is not a good reason. I won't let you do that."
Jonny closed his eyes. Causing her more pain was the last thing he wanted. He tried to recall all the advice Race had given him about his guilt. Because he knew he was not doing a good job of following it.
'Do better,' he told himself. 'She deserves better.'
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to do that to you.…I just love you," he whispered. "And when you're not okay, I'm not okay. I take it real fucking personal," he scoffed.
"You usually hide it better," she kissed his nose.
"I do?"
"Nope," she teased. "We're so dysfunctional sometimes. I can't tell who is protecting who."
"I prefer to think of it as overly passionate," he quipped.
"Whatever it is…it's the best thing in my life. You make me happy and I promise I'm okay right now. So that means you're okay too," she added quietly. "Please sleep, love."
He kissed her again and then stared at her for a while. Stroking her hair and her arm in turns. Still reassuring himself. "What did you think I had to tell you before?" he eventually asked.
She kissed him first and then gripped his t-shirt again. "It's not your fault I was taken," she said firmly. "But I know you saved me, Jonny Quest. I know you saved Keri and Brenda too. I know that I'll never… have to see him again because of you. Thank you, baby."
Jonny leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Jessie saw his face relax. "Thank you," she said again and then watched him for a while. "I told you a few days ago, very clearly, that I didn't need you to be my hero. Why do you always have to try and prove me wrong? It's so annoying," she teased.
He cracked a smile. "You're not getting an apology for that, Ace."
"Didn't expect I would," she smiled too. "Go to sleep."
"Hmm," he acknowledged.
"Why are you fighting it?" she asked. "When's the last time you slept?"
"About the last time you ate?" he shot back.
"You have no good excuse. I have a good one," she argued. "My stomach has been bothering me." That made him open his eyes and look at her sadly. "No," she shook her head. "Also not a good reason to blame yourself. I won't let you get away with it…your mind is like a minefield right now," she pointed out.
Jonny nodded. That described the way he had been feeling and acting pretty accurately.
"Tell me how to help?" she pushed
"I want to take care of you," Jonny shook his head. "Not the other way around."
"Too fucking bad," she huffed.
"When's the last time I told you I love you?" he kissed her.
She smiled against his lips. "Thirty seconds, slacker."
He smiled back. "Call me on all my bullshit, baby?"
"Like you have a choice," she laughed and then sobered. "Tell me. If you can't sleep, then you have to tell me."
Jonny's mouth felt dry. There was so much he wanted to ask and so much he needed to eventually tell her.
"Babe? Talk to me," she insisted.
"I didn't come straight here after being released," he admitted. Ashamed. "Your dad covered for me. I'm sorry for that. I should've…I don't have an excuse. It's just what I did. I regret it."
"Where did you go?" she asked quietly. No sign of judgment in her voice.
He sighed. "The spot where you were taken."
"Why?"
"No good reason…" he trailed off for a moment. "I wasn't feeling like myself and I didn't want you to see me like that."
"How did you feel?"
"Angry," he said simply. "Your dad talked some sense into me though."
"What did he say?" she asked.
"A lot," Jonny pushed some hair behind her ear so he could see her face better. "But all I needed to hear was that you were awake," he grinned. "That got me moving. Nothing else mattered. I'm sorry," he finished sincerely.
"There's nothing to forgive," she shrugged and hoped it made him go easier on himself. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Jonny absorbed her words. He tried to internalize them.
She lifted a hand and stroked his hair. Wanting to diffuse every bad thought he had running through his brain. She studied his eyes trying to figure out if she had. He caught her off guard with his next question. Even though she should have expected it.
"What did he do to you?" Jonny asked. Barely above a whisper. He stilled her hand and swiped his thumb across her wrist. "I need to know. Please be honest with me?"
She watched his eyes fill with tears again. "Jonny."
"Please tell me the truth?" he asked again.
She had to look away from the intensity of his stare. "I don't remember much," she started. Focused on his throat as she spoke. "Maybe that's a blessing in disguise?"
"Tell me what you remember?" he asked. His voice was breathy. She could tell he was trying hard to not cry, which made her want to cry.
"I remember feeling cold," she whispered and then sighed happily when he tried to pull her closer. "He wasn't there when I first woke up. Brenda told me what was happening. He showed up a few minutes later. He had overheard me telling Brenda that my family would come for me."
"What did he say to you?" Jonny wanted to know.
"Not much," she swallowed. "Just dismissed it as fantasy. He was more focused on Lisa," she said in a far away voice. Like she was remembering. "That was the worst part. Sitting through that preview," she said heavily. "Not being able to help her…"
Jonny kissed her forehead. "Babe…"
"I kept thinking about ways to buy time," she continued. "Because I knew you were coming. I just didn't know when. So all I needed was more time. It was harder after he…left with Lisa. Brenda started to freak out understandably. When he came back, that's when he told me that I wasn't supposed to be there. He thought I was put in his path for a reason. I think I was too. So you could stop him. I told him that he picked the wrong girl and it would be the end of him," she tried to laugh, but did not recognize the actual sound that came out of her mouth. "He laughed at me."
Jonny kissed her forehead again. At a loss for what else to do. Afraid if he said anything she may stop talking.
"He threw some water bottles and sandwiches in the cage once he finished laughing," she continued. "I didn't eat anything, but I couldn't resist the water," she sighed. "He drugged it. I don't remember anything after that. Keri told me that I jumped him the next time he came into the cage, but he threw me down. I assume that's why my hip hurts. She said he injected me with more Ketamine before removing me from the cage. The doctor told me I had enough in my system that she wasn't surprised I don't recall much…"
"Babe," he tried again.
"I know he cut off my clothes," she cleared her throat and continued to stare at his. She saw him swallow back whatever he wanted to say "You found me like that?" she assumed.
"Yes," he choked out.
"Then you already saw what he did to me," she finished in a detached tone, looking at him again. She still saw skepticism in his eyes and that made her heart rate triple. The realization dawning that he was most worried about the same thing she had been. 'I'm an idiot,' she thought. Her face softened. "He didn't," she whispered.
Jonny turned his head to the ceiling and two tears leaked out. He wiped them away before she could and then pressed his thumb and his index finger into his eyes to stop the rest. He released a long breath. "Are you sure?" he asked at the end of it.
"Yes," she said confidently.
"How?" he needed to know.
She licked her lips and then answered. "Because I asked the doctor and she told me it was unlikely. Because I talked to Keri, who was conscious, and she confirmed it. And because I just know, Jonny."
He tried to control his breathing, but struggled. "When I got there…he was on top of Brenda," Jonny admitted, pressing his fingers into his eyes harder. "I saw…" he broke off. "I'll never…"
Jessie tugged his hand away from his face and held it against her heart. Then she leaned forward and kissed his temple. "He didn't…you stopped him before he could," she soothed. "I love you so much."
"I'm sorry," he apologized once his breathing returned to normal. "I know that doesn't make everything okay…or less awful…"
"Yes it does," she interrupted. "It's okay to feel relieved about it. I do."
Jonny looked at her and fell in love all over again. Feeling lighter than he had in days. All her doing. "Tell me what YOU need?" he asked.
"This," she told him simply. "You being you."
"Okay," he rolled his eyes.
"Why?" she challenged. "What do you need?"
He thought for a second and then rolled his eyes again. This time with a smirk on his face. "You."
"That's what I thought. Now go to sleep," she ordered and began stroking his hair.
He closed his eyes and focused on her touch. This time letting it lull him. 'She's okay,' he thought.
"I am," she answered. He had said it out loud. She continued to stroke his hair and watch his face. Realizing that she had seen him sleep, but had never watched him fall asleep before. She could not look away. Thinking about what he had done for her. Knowing she would do the same for him. Feeling lucky in the middle of a shit storm. She kissed both his eyelids and then settled into his embrace to watch him some more.
"Why did I get to find you so fast?" she marveled. She did not really care why. She was just grateful.