-12-

Cold Eyes

Machiko was devoted. I'd give her that. Every day, she would show up for training, even when I wouldn't be training with her. I was still trying to 'get my shit together' as my...uncle...cousin...relative-type-thing had put it. God I hated clans.

Sitting in the sand, with my eyes closed and my breathing regulated, I quickly gave Machiko her orders for the day. "Run around the training grounds fifteen times, then do as many push ups as you can, and then as many sit ups."

"Yes Aisako-sama!"

With her gone, I began to focus my thoughts.

I was getting better at meditating now, but I still didn't even know what I was supposed to do. Did I just...think about the thing that made me angry? What?! I just didn't fucking understand.

Or maybe I just didn't want to understand. I wasn't an honest person, and I wasn't even all that honest to myself either.

I wasn't mad at Gaara -Well, I was. How the hell couldn't I be mad that the ungrateful little shit abandoned me, even after I was willing to forgive him for crippling me? But, Gaara wasn't the thing that was REALLY pissing me off. He was merely a factor in it all.

I was remembering. I was remembering all this shit that was not -could not be- real. But maybe I was just telling myself that because I didn't want to think about it?

The first time it really hit me was the night I cried those strange tears and had that weird ass nightmare. The day after, my mark began to form. After that, I kept getting all these stupid little fragments. Snippets of conversations, thoughts, images. And. They. Hurt.

God damn it!

"Calm down kid. You're losing it."

What the hell was happening to me?

All the time, I just kept getting hit with these thoughts. Thoughts about being all alone in my room back in the Test Drive, wishing some guy would dump his girlfriend so we could hang out again. What the hell was I? Some stupid girl pining over a boy? PLEASE!

I didn't like people. I didn't love.

But the memories didn't make me think I loved him I just…

I just wanted my friend back.

I hated being alone. I hated sitting up there in my room, waiting for him to answer the phone, or at least call me back. I knew he loved her, but god, when the fuck would he notice she was a controlling bitch? We'd been friends since we were what? Six? And suddenly she comes into his life and says, 'I don't like you talking to other girls,' AND BOOM! I'm worthless?

The memories made me frown. I tried to pull away. They weren't even real. I'd never had a childhood friend. I didn't really have….'friends'. Not real, true friends. I had drinking buddies and pot pals. We stabbed each other in the back, but we helped each other as well. The thing is, none of us knew each other when we were little. We all met at high school. Three feeder schools going into one small town high school. Some of them came from the city, but most of us had always been there. We just didn't talk in elementary school.

I used to be a god kid. I used to want to get good grades, go to Uni or college and get the hell out of that dot on the map I lived in, but then…After I went to high school…

It just didn't seem worth the effort anymore. I started drinking. And smoking. And before I knew it, I was a stoner too. I was everything I had been against before high school. Except for a slut. Fuck that. Men were gross. Women were fucking annoying.

We met her in ninth grade. She was in three of our classes. She was nice enough, I guess. She was always staring at him like he was a piece of meat, but she was polite enough to me that I didn't mind. I didn't like him like that. He was my brother. I was happy to let him date whoever he wanted.

I was the one who convinced him to ask her out. He had a crush on her. It was obvious. And from the way she hung off him, it seemed pretty obvious she liked him too. And then, it turned out to be a pretty big mistake.

I could almost see her. Blond hair and hot pink clothes, that god-awful laugh of hers, like the braying of a constipated donkey. That demented Barbie-bitch.

One day we're hanging out after school, and he's telling me all about what he and Todd were up to in Drama class, and then…the next day…

"Listen, I know we've been friends for year now, but...Amy's a little insecure. I think she feels a little threatened by you, like she thinks you're going to steal my heart or something..."

"God you make it sound like we're in a romance novel or something? Why on Earth would I steal your heart when I can rip one out of the chest of someone I don't want alive?"

"Creepy. But cute." He laughed and hugged me.

Why did it feel like he was saying goodbye?

"But...seriously." He continued, pulling away from me. I felt cold, all of a sudden. I hated the cold. I wanted to move somewhere warmer some day. "I just...She wants me to stay away from other girls. Just for a little bit. After like...a few weeks. Then, we'll hang out again. I promise."

"Yeah. Sure." I said, and I smiled, like it didn't bother me at all. But it did. it really did. He was my best friend, my only friend, and he wanted me to leave him alone? It was only for a few weeks though. It would be lie that time he went to Europe for a month. But I'd see him with his girlfriend everyday during class.

But, considering the fact that he had made a promise, and like the stupid main character he was, he never backed down on them, I took his word and agreed. A few weeks without my best friend, my brother, would be fine.

A few weeks turned into a month. It didn't hurt that much though. He would always look towards me with that grin, and he'd start to say something, but than she'd pull him away with a snarl in my direction. I'd laugh it off because, hey, it would only be a bit longer before she realized that I saw the guy as my brother, and I was no way interested in him.

But the day never came. Two weeks after a month had passed, I cracked and texted him. Nothing. It was probably a stupid idea. For all I knew, she would check his phone. But I was bored, and I wanted to watch Naruto, but we'd made a deal that we'd only watch it together. That way, we could both talk theory on what was going on, without the other giving something away.

There were other things I did to keep busy, sure. Homework, Harry Potter marathons, appointments, getting dragged on shopping trips with my mother, Lord of the Rings...Bleach, Soul Eater, One Piece...but I was still bored. there was no one to talk to.

I tried texting him again, but no response came. When I went to school the next day, he wouldn't look at me. His girlfriend did though. She made sure there was plenty of eye contact between us. Just to let me know that he was hers.

'Stupid bitch.'

The thought surprised me. I didn't really like swearing. There were better words to use to show just how angry I was.

"Listen...I want you to stay the hell away from my boyfriend."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. I fucking laughed 'til my face turned red.

"Oh my god. I can't believe you're still on about that. He's like a brother to me. I'm not fucking sick. And I know I'm fucking gorgeous, but there's nothing for you to feel insecure about."

I wasn't gorgeous, but it was said in a joking manner anyways. I knew she was hot. And I knew I sure as fucking hell was gaped at me for a moment, and then spoke in confusion, "Wait...you swear?"

The fuck did that have to do with anything?

My eyes snapped open and I got to my feet, pacing around the training ground. Satoru looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow, silently asking what my problem was. But, it wasn't like I could fucking tell him that, now could I?

'Oh, hey Satoru...I figured out what my problem was~! Turns out I'm having conflicting memories of the life before I got popped outta Saki!'

Yeah, hell no.

I didn't know what to do though. If this was Harry Potter or something I'd be like 'Unbreakable Vow'-thing, now. And then I'd talk. This world? Nope. Unless I stole Danzo's seal that he puts on his little robots. And that is not happening.

What was I going to do though? I mean, Satoru wanted me to think about what was making me so angry, and I found it. Maybe. If the memories I kept seeing were actually the real thing, and the memories I've had since I was reborn were lies.

In one set, I swore, partied, had no close friends, didn't show up to school often...

In the other set, I was a fucking nerd who clung desperately to some weak-willed asshole who abandoned me because his bitch girlfriend told him to, and I showed up to school everyday hoping he'd talk to me again.

I think you can guess which set of memories I liked better.

If...If the second set was true, then this would mean that...

It dawned on me then. If the second set of memories were the true ones, then it meant Gaara wasn't the first friend I had that abandoned me. It the second set, the only friend I really had in the Test Drive left me alone for some silicon barbie...and I didn't take it very well. Not well at all.

It explained the nightmare though. The nightmare of me hurtling down the road in my car, and then driving up onto the side walk so I could run her over.

A harsh laugh escaped my lips. Holy shit. Gaara may have ripped my leg off, but in the Test Drive, if those memories were true, than my 'best friend' killed me. It may have been an accident...but with him doing all that pulling and shaking my shoulders, while I was in a condition similar to a pin cushion being used for knitting needles, his actions had killed me in the end.

Wasn't I great at picking out friends?

"AISAKO-SAMA!" The blond came out of no where, tackling me with so much force I tumbled to the ground as she hugged me.

I really, really hoped that what happened to me with Gaara and him didn't happen a third time with Machiko.

"You seem less insane than usual." Satoru said as we made our way home that day. I was tired from the physical side of training, that we'd started up after Machiko's arrival. It was just stamina and speed we were working on for now. Strength training would once Machiko and I both had stamina worth mentioning.

I glared up at him, and he smirked.

"I assume you found out what was wrong?"

"Yeah."

"What will you do to fix it?"

It was strange that he didn't ask what the problem was in the first place, but I was happy that he hadn't asked. I wouldn't have been able to explain that I was tired of the people I trusted leaving me.

This made me think. Was there anything I could do to change it? I couldn't change the test Drive. That was good and done and DEAD. But here, in this life?

Pfft. Fuck it. If Gaara didn't want to be friends with me, than why the hell would I want to be friends with that weak willed little sadist? If things were going to work...He'd have to be the one to fix it. I was tired of chasing after him across rooftops and through alleys. I was done.

"Nothing really. It happened. I just...won't let it happen again."

At this, my eyes flickered ahead to where Machiko was skipping down the street. She couldn't walk with us, or else someone would tell her family she was associating with me. Us. My family.

It was mostly me and Saki that they feared, but Satoru was a foreigner and Daddy was beginning to show signs of mental trauma. He'd have to take leave soon and get that sorted if he wanted to continue serving this shit pile of a village. And Takeo was slowly beginning to be rejected by people who used to call themselves his friends, all because he was adopted into our family. It wasn't like any of theirs ever bothered before we took him in.

"If you think that's the best way to go about it." He said. There was no infliction in his voice to tell me whether he thought it was a shitty idea, so I didn't bother with a response and instead remained silent; watching the people we walked by.

I stared blankly at the board as Carl-sensei conducted the lesson. It was simple math, and too easy for me to really bother paying attention to the teacher. I was a straight-A students back in-

I crushed the thought.

I was too cool for school. That's what it was. I mean, any high school student could get this shit down, even if they were flunkies like me.

"Shimizu-san?" A timid voice came from my left. I looked to one of the brunettes that I had stolen from the Blond Bitch. I was pretty sure is was 'Sally' or Ren...I think was her name.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"As much as one can be when they're half bored to death." I replied, letting my head drop to the desk with an audible 'thunk'.

"Oh. Alright. We were...just thinking you looked a bit distant." She said quietly.

"Yes. You've been...different for the past little while." 'Ann' said from my right. Her real name was Rina, or something like that.

I raised an eyebrow at the pair. Were they concerned, or something like that? Why?

"My relative has been putting me through hell."

"Oh." the pair said in unison. If they didn't have different mothers, I would have sworn they were twins.

"Yup."

The conversation died faster than the genin Zabuza faced when he crashed the exam in the Bloody Mist. Just the way I liked it.

While Carl-sensei continued his lesson, I could feel someone watching me. Shifting my amber eyes around, I spotted Gaara staring at me with sleep-deprived teal eyes. I turned my head towards him slightly and gave an unhinged grin. I tapped my hand against the desk as an odd, twitchy feeling overtook me. The tapping became more erratic as we stared.

He looked so sad. So lonely. Scared too. I wasn't sure if it was of me, but the fear was there. Maybe it was from Shukaku. It didn't really matter to me in the end. As long as he was unhappy.

"Alright Machiko, I'll show you the katas we learned last week, then I'll give you my notes from last year to study."

"Yes Aisako-sama!" The blond chirped before settling into the stance I showed her. If she wanted to learn from me, I'd make sure she learned EVERYTHING I learned in the academy. She would be asking to go to the academy soon, but I wasn't sure they'd let her join. They just wanted her to grow up, be hot and pop out some grandkids. It pissed me off, but hey, it wasn't my family. I'd still train Machiko as best I could. She'd be a secret weapon. It would be annoying and probably impossible to hide her training after a while. She was already coming home sore and covered in dirt. She told her family she was playing in the sandbox.

And the dumbasses believed her.

We LIVED in the god damned sandbox, and no one came home that messy.

Satoru watched passively with a new book in his hands as I trained Machiko, occasionally adding his two-cents. I wished the bastard would give a nickle though, considering the penny had gone out of circulation a bit before my first rapid exit from the mortal plain.

Eventually she got the katas down well enough and I nodded to myself before handing her the bag of notes, which I'd copied down so I'd still ave them if she lost the papers.

Recently, I had been spending more and more time with her. We weren't at the point where I was sneaking out at night to spend time with her, but I doubted my leg would take too kindly to jumping from rooftop to rooftop, and Machiko wasn't fit enough that I thought she should be out on the roofs.

That, and Gaara was out there at night.

Without my nightly activities, I was getting more sleep. This wasn't as good a thing as it should have been. I was still being bothered by memories that didn't fit with what I'd known about myself since my rebirth. Two months had passed since I came to terms with the fact that if these new memories were the real ones, than Gaara wasn't the first friend I had that stabbed me in the back. I still couldn't say which ones was real or not.

After I came to terms with the possibility, Satoru told me, rather cheerfully, that I probably wasn't going to die from the mark on my face. Probably. Needless to say I also had nightmares of the mark forming a mask and taking over my face. It reminded me rather eerily of when Ichigo from Bleach got his Hollow mask.

The mark had stopped widening, and seemed to have stabilized. It was about three quarters of an inch thick, and it was a bright, yellow-orange. It was similar to my eyes, but there was more yellow and less orange on the mark than my eyes, which were closer to the opposite than the same. It had an odd texture and felt to it as well. Despite the marking being part of my skin, it was cold and flawlessly smooth. While it would move with my skin, it was hard to the touch. I was kinda surprised it could move.

As we moved to leave the training ground, Machiko ran up to me and gripped my hand tightly in her own. I raised an eyebrow at her. She grinned at me and swung our connected hands, her eyes gleaming with nothing but pure, bright, cheerfulness. i don't know how the little brat managed to be so happy all the time. I just knew that what ever the hell she was taking, I wanted it.

"Machiko has decided that Machiko wants to be bestest, best friends with Aisako-sama. Machiko wants EVERYONE to know, too. That way, Machiko won't have to deal with them saying mean things about Aisako-sama near Machiko anymore. Aisako-sama is good. Everyone else is just stupid!" She was loud in her declaration, and I glanced around to make sure no one was around to hear. The kid didn't know what she was getting into.

"Machiko...your Mommy and Daddy won't like that." I told her quietly, hoping I sounded concerned enough to make her believe it was real.

A part of me was worried about what the village would do to her if they found out she was my friend and planned to be my 'protector' of all things, but there was another part of me that...wanted them to hurt her. I wanted the villagers to hurt her, and drive her to me. I was the one who was kind to her. She believed that I would never hurt her. I was the one who would seem right in her eyes. If the village turned on her, then she would cling to me. Gaara had, once. But the problem with Gaara was that he had someone else, besides me. Machiko had her parents, sure, but they were against me, they were against Machiko's habit of speaking in third person and her goal of becoming a shinobi. There was nothing I could do about them, but really, there wasn't anything that needed to be done with them. They just paid for taxes and her needs and wants. Emotionally, I was all Machiko truly had...well..not even truly. But emotionally, I was the only one who supported her. Someday, I'd likely use my pay to help support her as well...if even for the few short years I was a genin while she was in the academy. It would only be two years before she joined the ranks.

I was all she needed.

"MACHIKO DOESN'T CARE! Machiko wants to be with Aisako-sama! Machiko doesn't want to hide. Machiko will show everyone Aisako-sama is good and nice!"

My lips twitched up in amusement. It would be a long time before any of us would be able to show anyone anything. She wanted to show them I was good...

I wanted to show them the monster they were making me become.

Lately my family had been participating in a horrifying event known as 'family dinner'. The family I had in the Test Drive never did this, unless it was Christmas or Thanksgiving, and in the the years leading up to my death, even that had stopped when I started taking my plate upstairs and came back down once everyone had gone to sleep.

In this life, I found the event much more terrifying than in the last. As usual, the meal was cooked by my mother, which meant it needed to be thoroughly scanned for poison. Saki had taken to adding larger doses of poison to each meal, hoping to build up everyone's immunity. It was her way of protecting my family. I had never noticed, but even as a baby, she had been sneaking in doses of poison into my baby food.

And the milk.

It was because of Saki that I had even survived in this world as long as I had. Considering that poisons were commonly used in Suna, a number of my...less adoring fans...had attempted to blow out the burning candle that was my life with multiple substances, all ranging in different levels of toxicity. It was a good thing Saki already had me on stronger stuff.

My mother's cooking wasn't the only scary part of the meal.

Ever since my stay at the hospital, Takeo had been becoming...clingier.

Meal time often included him asking me a number of questions, not only about my day, but about myself as well. And quiet frankly, I didn't really want to tell him fuck all.

"Ai-chan! How was your day? Did you learn anything new?"

"My day was as well as any day can be on this mortal plain." I responded with a blank look in my amber pools, "And I learned that sensei has a freckle on the back of his neck."

He frowned, "What about classes? I don't think it's normal for girls your age to be taking such notice in your teachers..."

"Well, I did observe Sally Anne for a while, but they didn't change since last week. Although Sally had a new pencil."

"Oh...Did you make any friends?"

I snorted, in time with Satoru. He loved it when that question came up. "I did!"

Takeo seemed to brighten, "Who?"

"This lovely, magical little voice in my head."

Again, he looked worried. It was so amusing watching the emotions on his face. You'd think the kid would realize i was fucking with him by now. I always did.

"W-What...did the voice say?"

"That Mom put a scorpion in your bed."

"Oh. I-I see. M-Mom!" Takeo turned his attention to Saki, who grinned rather evilly at him, "Why did you do that?!"

"I want ta see how much a pure dose would affect ya."

The rest of us snickered at his horrified look. I learned to strip my bed every night before I climb in.

The questions would continue, with his more protective side showing up, "Did anyone cause you any trouble?"

"Nothing I didn't start. Or that I couldn't finish." Bravado, but good god the last thing I needed was him picking fights with everyone who looked at me.

"I just worry. That's all. You're my little sister...it's my job to make sure people don't mess with you."

"Calm your tits. They've been messing with me since before you were a genin."

How long ago had that been anyways? Actually...how old was he? How old was I? I was still five...right? I think so. but...that was only physicaly. How old was I in total? Five plus...sixteen? Seventeen? No no...I had to be about... eighteen...right?

Wow. I couldn't even remember if I graduated high school anymore.

Of course, my age wasn't important anyways. I'd figure it out before I graduated anyways. It was fine.

Takeo's questions and the poisoned food wasn't the only part of the meal. Then I had to deal with Saki taunting me. She wasn't scared of me anymore. Taiki had done good in making her see me as nothing more than the child she squeezed was good, but it was also fucking annoying. She felt the need to remind me who was in charge as often as she could.

"So, little Ai-chan~!" She gushed, "Did you have fun in training today?"

Of course I didn't. It was never fun.

"No."

"Aw, then I guess you aren't training hard enough. Satoru, maybe you should make her work a bit harder."

And that bastard would get this smug little smirk and nod along with her, "Yes, I suppose I should. I'll think up something tonight."

"Oh! Aren't you so excited to hear that, Ai-chan?"

"No."

I spent a lot of time through dinner trying not to twitch.

The bell rang and the other students in my class rushed to escape. Now that I no longer had a seat by the window, I was forced to use the door like a civilized person. Not wanting to be dragged away in the flood of annoying five to seven year olds, I usually remained in the class room until they were all gone.

Today, however, things were not like usual. I was not the last child to leave the room. A certain red-headed boy remained in his seat. My eyes shifted towards him due to my own curiousity. Why hadn't he left?

As I stood there, he didn't move. Carl-sensei stood at the front of the room with an odd look in his eye, like he wanted to see what we'd do, but he already knew what would happen.

Knowing I had to meet up with Satoru outside the academy, I shrugged and moved to leave the room. There was no point in waiting for Gaara to work up his nerve. I'd only have to crush it back down again. He had done well to stay the fuck away from me, but now it looked like I would have to put on my Monster Mask.

Although I wasn't sure if it would be fake for him.

I wasn't sure if I could be anything but a monster to him. I was angry. And I was hurt. I had befriended him wen no one else would. I had cheered him on and I had forgiven him for nearly killing me, and how was I repaid? He took my friendship and he murdered it like he had murdered me in the Test Drive. He could have had me as a friend...but then...he asked for a monster. And maybe it was my last act as his only childhood friend to at least give him what he wanted?

Spinning on my heel, I headed for the door. I didn't have time to waste. I needed to get stronger. And I needed to learn about my Blood limit, or what ever the hell Satoru was supposed to teach me. It was only a matter of time before people stopped trying to poison me and started turning towards bloodier methods of removing me. I didn't have the 'Ultimate Defense' to protect me anymore, now did I?

Sand shot out and wrapped around my wrist, to stop me from leaving. It worked. For a moment all I could think of was the sand wrapping around my leg and tearing it off, or the nightmares I had in the hospital afterwards, of Shukaku's golden eyes as I was killed by him one way or another. And then the moment was over, and the terror that seemed to have developed in my time away from Gaara slowly melted into the burning hot rage I had felt since our little...'breakup'. It had lightened up quite a bit since I'd come to terms with the possibility that my best friend-brother had killed me, but Gaara...was not forgiven.

I tilted my head at him, feeling my eyes grow cold...an odd thought for eyes with such warm colour, "Can I help you?"

"Aisako...I-"

"You seem to be mighty familiar with me all of a sudden, Gaara-san." I interrupted, the corners of my lips twitching upwards into what I knew would form a mockery of a smile. A wounded look settled on his face.

"I'm- I'm sor-"

"Gaara-san...please let me go."

I let my voice tremble in fear. The look of hurt flashed across his face once more. He was hurt, knowing I was scared of him now. Of course, he had given me a reason to fear him, hadn't he? He'd certainly hurt me enough to instill fear. It wasn't everyday someone tore my leg off. I didn't have enough for that sort of thing.

"I'm sorr-"

"Gaara. If you wish to keep that tongue you use to speak, I would shut up, before some monster decides to rip it out and fry it!" I hissed, finally letting the rage out.

He flinched back, but the sand recoiled, rather than tighten like I feared it would. Maybe the sand hadn't felt any blood lust, but Gaara knew exactly how much I loved fried tongue.

Carl-sensei made a startled noise, something caught between disbelief and amusement, from where he stood at the front of the room. I gave him a sharp look as I walked out of the room. A smirk worked its way onto my face when I saw how even the chunin stiffened at the look.

He was scared too.

Good.

"You look proud of yourself." Satoru said as I met him outside the academy.

"I am."

"Why?"

"They're scared."

At one tine, not so long ago, I would have been annoyed with the fear everyone showed me. What was there to fear about a little girl like me? But now, now...I wanted them to be scared. I was going to give them a reason to be scared...because now...Now I liked it. If they were scared, they stayed away. And something about the fear in their eyes made me so happy.

I was a terrible person.

When we arrived at the training grounds we often used, Satoru turned to look at me with an expression far more serious than the constant blank mask I was used to. He sat down and gestured for me to follow suit. Like the good little soldier-in-training I was, I did as ordered. Satoru watched me with cold amber eyes, much too much like my own, for a few moments before he let out a quiet sigh.

Machiko wouldn't arrive for another 15 minutes, so it was only the two of us in the fenced in area.

"I think its time someone in the family got around to explaining a few things to you. I don't know quite why you're alienated by the village as you are, but I can at least explain a few things of...importance, regarding our clan."

Finally, I was getting some answers.

And there you have it folks! I hope this sort of explains the reasoning behind Aisako's reacting to their little 'break up'. She reacted so badly because it served as a trigger to bring up emotions and memories she had blocked out and replaced of her childhood friend abandoning her in favor of his girlfriend. This of course was magnified by the arrival of what I'm going to call a blood mutation, rather than a bloodlimit. I'll try to explain why i don't really want to call it a bloodlimit in the next chapter.

We got to see how her relationship with Gaara has changed as well, and well...I think Aisako's finally taken the dive into 'Monsterhood'.

Sorry for the delay, I've just been getting adjusted to the new semester and some crap going on at home. I hope I can start updating faster, but no promises can be made.

Big thanks to: Akane Shinigami, Lady the Warrior, Alya Tinuviel, MathewBadger, Bored411, 4everfictional, SupremeGeneralJoker, xVentressx, OrangeBears, shugokage, Wolf to the Stars, KillerCupcakes, PinkBubble13, randomy, Crystal, erching, the shadow of nature, guest, bittersweet S, Kragh50, guest, AkiEn, Amequa, TDI-Ryro-Eclares, Carri007, demonicKitsune2, SilverRider09, Claciro, missfites, , Shinoki, Badgerbadger, and wyteeth for reviewing! I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, so keep 'em coming!

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