AN: So hard to say goodbye. Second to last chapter and I may still tweak it due to said separation anxiety I'm feeling. Then on to the next adventure…
Estella made it to the second floor of the Compound on instinct alone. She was distracted by Jonny's interruption to say the least and flat out embarrassed when she really thought about it. But then she started to smile uncontrollably. Despite it all, she could not remember the last time she felt so happy. She wanted to check in on her daughter and then she wanted to curl up next to Race and fall asleep. Like it was fifteen years ago.
But it was not fifteen years ago. Her daughter was grown and in love. Made all the more obvious when Estella found Jessie's bed to be empty and perfectly untouched.
Estella shook her head. 'I should've known.'
She walked across the hall hesitantly and found her daughter fast asleep in Jonny's bed. Clearly quite comfortable there.
She wanted to sit down and take Jessie's hand, but did not feel right about it. They were no longer in the hospital. Estella deeply felt like the uninvited guest that she was in Jonny's room. She should have left, but shuffled to the couch on the other side of the room instead. Sitting down hard. Thinking about her next move. She did not belong in their intimate space and was unsure if she belonged in Race's either.
She found herself staring at Jessie's peaceful sleeping face as she worked through her indecision. She felt a peace wash over her too. And then her indecision faded.
'She's the best thing that I've ever done and I made her with him,' Estella thought resolutely. Shaken from her thoughts when Jonny walked back in the room.
'Shit,' she froze to her spot. She did not want to engage, but had nothing to worry about. Jonny did not notice her. He got right into bed and closed his eyes.
Estella stood to sneak out, but froze again when Jessie rolled over and pressed herself into his side.
'Shit.'
He immediately wrapped an arm around her and planted a kiss on her head without opening his eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you, baby. I'm sorry."
"Mmm," she acknowledged. "What's wrong, Hotshot?"
"Nothing," he whispered. "Just couldn't sleep. I like falling asleep with you though. This is nice."
Her hand started to head south. Teasingly slow. "Need help?" she smiled. "What do you want?"
"I'd take a blow job." Jonny chuckled. "But are you even awake right now?"
"Awake enough to get it done," she mumbled.
"Stop," Jonny grabbed her roaming hand and brought it to his lips. "I was joking."
"I thought you didn't joke about blow jobs?" she challenged tiredly.
"I usually don't," he responded calmly. "Important fucking business."
He felt her laugh more than heard it. "Ugh...you're such a man," she scolded lightly.
"The man who's gonna give you a beautiful life," he shot back seriously. "That's a promise."
Jessie rolled on top of him after that declaration and stared down with nothing but love in her eyes. It woke her up. Him too. She was touched by the intention of his words alone and believed him. Despite her instinct to worry about such long term promises. She traced his ribs with her fingers as she spoke and decided to live in the moment. "Tell me about our beautiful life, Quest."
"Well...I'll be running my own consulting firm. I've decided that I wanna work for myself," he announced. "Officially. I need to tell dad."
"You don't have to rush into that decision," she offered. "You can give yourself a few years."
"I don't need a few years," he shrugged. "And I want to give Hadj the heads up so he can figure out what he wants."
"How do you do that?" she asked in awe. Hands stopping their exploration of his skin. "You sound SO certain."
"Easy," Jonny shrugged. "I know exactly what I want, babe."
She leaned down to give him a quick kiss. "That's so hot," she whispered.
Jonny chuckled. "Knowing what I want is the easy part. Getting it is the challenge that I love," he grinned. Hands squeezing her hips suggestively.
"Such a flirt," she laughed.
"I really do love the idea of being my own boss though," he got back on topic. "Besides, I'll need to be mobile because who knows where my brilliant wife's career will take her."
Jessie bit her lip to stop from smiling. "I seem to remember saying that I'd go with YOU when you brought this up a few months ago."
"I haven't forgotten," he shrugged . "I'm not being a martyr here, Jess. I've thought about it a lot. This is the most logical way," he took a deep breath. "You should start your career at Quest Enterprises, but that's gonna create so many opportunities whether you stay with the company or not. My career being flexible makes those options easier to consider and I honestly think it'll make me happiest too. I can't drive to the same place every day and stay there for eight hours or longer. I'm sure you'll be perfectly happy in a lab. Working on the same project for months or years on end. I can't do that. I don't want to."
"Yet...you wanna drive home to same ole me every night?" she teased. Pointing out the obvious contradiction in his philosophy.
"Yes," he said firmly. Sighing. It's what I want most in this world. I've spent practically every day of the last twelve years with you, love. And I've spent the days without you...just missing you. I'm not sure how to make that clearer to you."
She accepted that. "What else, baby?"
Jonny closed his eyes and thought about it. "Hmm...we're gonna see the rest of the world together. Work can't be everything. I'm not sure yet how I'll do it, but I won't let you turn into a workaholic like my dad. I'll use my body if I have to," he warned charmingly.
She laughed out loud, but sobered when she looked him over. "That could work actually," she admitted. "What else?"
Jonny popped up to kiss her stomach and then fell back again. "As many as you'll give me."
She laughed nervously. "Be more specific. How many do you want?"
"As many as you'll give me," he repeated vaguely.
"Seriously. We've never talked specifics. I want to know what you're thinking."
"Eight," he said.
"Eight," she huffed and her mouth dropped open. "Are you saying eight because you mean two?" she countered. Getting more nervous when he stared at her instead of answering. "What's the real number?" she pushed. "Quest!"
"Six," he shrugged. "Five boys and a girl. In that order ideally."
She exhaled loudly. "That's incredibly specific, babe."
"As requested," he acknowledged.
"True," she swallowed. "You know that's not a realistic expectation, right? Even if I did agree to six." She said 'six' like it was insane, but eventually her curiosity won out. "Why is that ideal?"
"Because I need to build my army first. To protect her," he said like it was obvious.
She looked at him like he was crazy and then said it. "You're fucking crazy."
"I don't think it's THAT crazy," he argued.
Jessie narrowed her eyes and leaned over him. Sliding down his body and pressing her skin to his. "Protect her from what? Sex with her incredible boyfriend?" she teased.
Jonny cleared his throat, but answered firmly. "Yes. Exactly that. I'm glad we're on the same page."
She smacked his forehead and sat up again. "We're not. You hypocrite."
Jonny pointed at himself. "I HAVE to protect her from assholes. I'm an anomaly, baby."
"And so modest too," she rolled her eyes.
"The way I love you won't be matched," he shot back seriously. "Not even close."
"Quest," she breathed. It disarmed her immediately. "And if she finds her own anomaly?" Jessie asked. Already hoping that this hypothetical child would.
Jonny rolled his eyes in response. "I don't even want to think about that. I already feel bad for Race when I think about it too hard."
"Excuse me?" she raised an eyebrow.
He sighed. "Yeah...it's fucking confusing. Some existential bullshit."
She laughed at him and then announced softly. "You know we're having ALL girls, right?"
Jonny sat up. Wrapping his arms around her waist loosely. Kissing her a few times.
"Can you handle that?" she joked.
"Yeah," he grinned. "Sounds pretty fucking great actually. Me and my girls," he mused.
"My life is already beautiful," she told him resolutely. Voice full of emotion.
XXX
Estella climbed into Race's bed like it was the only place in the Compound she belonged. But she did it carefully so as not to wake him. Curling up on her side and facing away from him.
She laughed when he grabbed a fistful of her shirt and pulled her into his arms roughly.
"Subtle," she mumbled.
"I'm glad you came back," he whispered into the dark. Kissing the top of her head. "I was starting to think you wouldn't."
"I didn't answer your question from before," she said quietly.
"I noticed," he told her.
"Yes," she breathed.
"Yes I'm making a fool of myself?" he asked. Needing clarity.
"Yes...I want to stay," she corrected. "Or I want you to come with me. I haven't figured out that part yet. But I want to figure it out together."
Race hugged her closer.
XXX
Even though it had been a really long night, Jessie was still surprised to wake up before him. She watched him sleep for a while. Thinking about everything they had said to each other over the last few days. It was a hell of a lot to process and she did not know where to start. But she knew she was on the clock. She felt the weight of that. She did not want to betray her sense of self. And she did not want to disappoint him. And she did not want to be selfish. She wished all her many wants were not so contradicting.
She resisted the urge to touch him. Knowing such a distraction would be selfish. He needed to rest.
She remained in the warmth of his bed until her hunger kicked in. And she liked the idea of making him breakfast.
"I love you," she whispered.
She made her way to the kitchen slowly and was surprised again. Her mother was there and making breakfast already. She stopped short. "Hi."
"Morning sweetheart. Sit," Estella urged.
Jessie did just that. Sitting at the large kitchen island and watching as her mother fixed a plate of food. Trying and failing to recall the last time that had happened.
"I can't remember either," Estella offered softly. Sitting next to Jessie and rubbing her back.
"What's that?" Jessie asked.
"The last time I made you breakfast," Estella sighed. "Makes me sad too."
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too," Estella whispered.
"When did you get in?" Jessie asked next. "I wasn't expecting you all so soon." She had been hoping for a bit more time with Jonny to figure everything out first...
She sighed at that thought. There was nothing to figure out really. She knew what he wanted. He was straightforward about that. Like always. She just had to decide. SHE was the problem. Like always. Her eyes started to well, but she fought it off.
"It's just me and your father for now," Estella explained slowly. Noticing her daughter's reaction. "I'm sorry. I know you must feel so overwhelmed right don't mean to hover. But we didn't feel right being away from you."
Jessie grinned. "Dad definitely means to hover. Everything he does is with intention..."
Estella huffed. "Point taken."
"Anyway...I wasn't thinking about that," Jessie clarified. "I'm glad to be home and I'm glad everyone will be here. Have a lot on my mind, but I know how lucky I am."
Estella did not fully believe that, but she accepted it. "Good. Now...eat," she ordered. "And tell me how I can help."
Jessie chuckled. "Between you and Jonny ordering me to eat..."
Estella smiled. "Where is Jonny? Mrs. Evans told me his favorite is eggs benedict."
"It is," Jessie confirmed. "I actually came down here planning to make him that."
"Well...I made him your Abuelita's version. Thought he'd like to try it..." Jessie's sharp outtake of breath caught her attention. "What?"
"Just...you...being sweet to him," Jessie responded softly. "It's nice...I've was afraid it was only temporary because emotions were high... maybe I still am." Jessie took a deep breath and looked her mother in the eye. "I don't think he'd admit it, but he wants you to like him. And I don't want him to be let down in the end. Don't do that to him, mom." It was a warning, but her tone was in no way aggressive.
Estella began rubbing Jessie's back again. "He does want me to like him," she offered causally. "Told me straight out a few days ago."
Jessie's brow furrowed. "Really?"
"Really," Estella nodded and then half smiled. "He also made it quite clear that the ONLY reason he cares...is because you care. It's not temporary, Jess. I promise. I saw first hand...how much he loves you."
Jessie felt like she had just been hugged. "You two talked about me?" she asked a little awkwardly, but mostly curious.
"Yes," Estella shrugged. "A lot actually. We were trapped in a confined space for hours. Waiting on news about you. He was doing something on the computer beyond me. Eventually...he couldn't ignore me though. You get your stubborn from me, girl."
That made Jessie laugh out loud. "God...he's so patient. Dealing with the two of us."
"I told your father something similar," Estella shot back. "That he probably deserves a prize for dealing with the two of you all these years..."
"Ha...," Jessie spat. "I think those two may be the real love story," she rolled her eyes and smiled. "Two peas..." her face fell a little. "Most of the time I don't feel worthy of so much love."
"Most people don't," Estella agreed. Brushing a hand across Jessie's face. "Because they don't see themselves clearly. Want to take advice from someone older and wiser?"
"Sure."
"Just accept it. Revel in it. Return it. It's an incredible gift, sweetheart."
Jessie mulled that over and thought of him. "So what did he say to convince you so thoroughly or is it gratitude for saving me? I have to know what prompted this one eighty."
Estella thought about it for a minute. "Well...he was very clear about his feelings. So certain in his words. Like you've always said, but that's not what convinced me. It was..." she cut herself off. Standing and then wrapping her arms around Jessie from behind. Debating how much more to say. She did not want to think about it.
"Mom? Please tell me. I want to know."
"The two girls that did not come home," Estella said haltingly.
"Lena and Lisa," Jessie prompted sadly. Focusing on her mother's breathing to avoid going back there. To drown out Lisa's screams.
"Yes," Estella swallowed. "A parent's worst nightmare." Jessie stood at that. Turning around in her mother's arms and embracing her tightly. "There were long moments. Too long...where we didn't know for sure who. I was there… when Jonny found Lena."
"I'm sorry," Jessie sympathized. "That's awful."
"The way he reacted...the sound he made..."
"What?" Jessie held her breath.
"It was inhuman. It was clear he thought she was you. My heart stopped when I heard him." Jessie tightened her grip. It was all she could manage. Her heart stopped too. He had asked her a few times to put herself in his shoes. She thought she had, but listening to her mother made her unsure.
"Then there was the way he acted once he knew you were still out there," she continued. "Absolutely nothing was gonna stop him from bringing you home safe. At this point, I believe he'd do almost anything to keep you safe and make you happy. What more could a mother ask for?"
XXX
Jonny woke up naturally and it hit him almost immediately once he was fully conscious. That he could not recall the last time he had not been woken up by someone or forced awake because of a nightmare or an alarm clock. It felt amazing. He stretched and then reached for her. Sighing when he found himself alone. Shifting to his back and taking deep breaths to avoid a racing heart. Staring at his ceiling.
"Stop being an idiot," he grumbled. Knowing he had to get over it. Freaking out every time he woke up alone would not do. He had to force himself to stay in bed instead of searching the house for her like a madman to make sure she was alright. He had to force himself to stay in the moment. To not replay waking up without her in Florida and all the shit that followed. To not think about her leaving. He lasted longer than he thought he would. "Fuck it. IRIS...has Jessie left the Compound?"
"No."
Jonny took a relieved breath and then threw off his covers intent on getting a shower. "Baby steps," he justified.
He found her twenty minutes later. Eating breakfast in the kitchen like it was any other day. He leaned in the doorway and smiled. Embracing the normalcy. Then she dropped her fork and rushed him. Holding on tight. "I love you too," he laughed in reaction to her abnormal behavior.
She whispered in his ear. "I'd fall apart if I lost you."
"I won't let that happen, beautiful." He took a step back and wrapped her face in his hands. "What's wrong?
"Still really tired," she deflected.
"Go back to bed," he suggested. "There's no reason to push yourself right now, Jess. No benefit."
"Okay," she agreed.
"What's the catch?" he challenged. "That was way too easy."
"I'm in an agreeable mood, baby. Take advantage."
Jonny grinned and kissed her forehead. The thought had crossed his mind. "Go to sleep."
"Weak ask," she teased. Walking by him intent on napping in her favorite couch. "My mom made you a special breakfast," she announced before leaving. "Enjoy."
Jonny looked from Jessie to Estella and back again. "What's the catch?"
XXX
Jessie smiled when she woke up from her nap. He was in her eye-line. Sitting in an alcove that overlooked the front of the property. She laid there and watched him. Waiting for him to notice her. He looked comfortable with his feet up, but was engrossed behind a computer screen.
"Hey Ace," he shot her a huge smile. "How was your nap?"
"Good," she sat up. "But I sleep better when I'm with you," she added sweetly.
"Music to my ears," he opened his arms wide. "Come sit with me. I want to show you something."
She accepted the invitation without thinking. Taking her blanket with her and curling up next to him. She expected him to shut the laptop and wrap his other arm around her, but instead he cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. She felt the deep breath he took and craned her neck to look at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he answered reflexively. "I just ...want to talk to you about something."
Her heart started to race. "Tell me," she said calmly. She saw him open a presentation on his computer and waited.
"I did some research that I want to share?"
XXX
"So?" he asked after she was quiet for a while. He tilted her chin up so she could see his face. "What're you thinking?"
"Mmm," she considered. "That you had me from slide two. I just wanted to hear your whole presentation, baby."
"Seriously?"
"Yes," she kissed him quick. "I really liked the second place. If I go, I'd like to be there. Did you already fill out an application for me too?" she joked.
Jonny felt his eyes go wide. "If?" he cleared his throat and swallowed hard. Not expecting to hear that or how it made him feel. He pushed at her gently so he could stand.
"Quest?" She wasn't expecting his reaction either. "Babe?"
"I'll be right back," he announced. Rushing from the room quickly. Ending up in his bathroom and splashing water on his face. He instantly regretted leaving. "Fuck," he growled, pivoting to head back to her. She was already there though. Smiling at him gently.
"This is a becoming a habit," she whispered.
"I'm sorry," he closed his eyes.
"I have no room to judge," she offered. "Not that I want to," she approached and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Stop being so hard on my best friend. He's pretty fucking great in my opinion. I love you so much."
"I love you too," he kissed her shoulder and pulled her closer. "So much. So much."
"What did I say?"
"Are you seriously considering staying?" he wanted to know. Holding his breath. He felt her hesitation. When she did not answer, he let go. Leaving the bathroom and moving to sit on his bed.
She followed slowly. Putting a hand on his knee when she sat. "Jonny..."
He interrupted angrily. Because he knew what was coming and did not want to hear it. "Just…don't say it when you don't mean it, Jess. I can't...you DON'T understand what it was like for me. So just stop."
He knew it was the wrong thing to say before the sentence ended. He saw her shields go up as if they were physically there. He stood. Staring her down while she did the same to him. Tempers rising.
She already knew what he said was true. Her mother made her see that, but she did not like him telling her what to do. That pissed her off and she gave in to the temptation. The distraction.
"And you know what it was like for me?" she baited. Deadly calm.
Her tone incited him further and he responded in kind. "How could I?" he seethed. "Since you won't tell me how you feel unless I FUCKING beg? It's exhausting, Jess."
Jessie swallowed hard. The words stung. "That's the second time in twelve hours that you've called me exhausting," she pointed out. "Maybe it's best that I go? Give you a break?" she shot back reflectively.
Jonny closed his eyes and his defenses dropped. His head dropped too and he rubbed his neck as he found his words. His voice broke when he said it. He headed for the exit as he said it. For the first time in a long time, he did not want to be in the same room as her. "Maybe it is, Jess."
"Jonny!"
She sounded panicked. He did not care about that either.
"Don't follow me," he barked.
Jessie stared at the floor until her vision blurred from the tears. She sank to her knees and started to sob with her entire body.
That was how Race found her. He had come to tell them that Benton and Hadji were on their way home. "Ponchita," he got down on the ground with her. "What is it?" He pulled her into his arms and began stroking her hair when she did not answer. "It's okay. It'll all be okay. I promise."
"I meant it..." she choked.
"Meant what?" he pushed.
"I meant it. I meant it," she kept repeating. "He…I meant it."
XXX
Race waited a good fifteen minutes after she stopped crying before talking again. Her breathing had evened out and he thought she may have fallen asleep. He was leaning against the wall and she was curled in his arms. He could not recall the last time that had happened, but knew it had been almost a decade. He did not love that it was happening on Jonny's flooring in clear view of a bed whose activities he wanted to never think about.
"Want to tell me what happened?" he asked softly.
"No," she grumbled simply and it made him laugh.
"I suppose that's part of the problem?" he assumed.
"You suppose right," she sighed. "He needs me right now and…he's so much better at taking care of me than I am of him. I hate that. He deserves better."
"So do better," Race told her.
"Helpful," she huffed.
"The hard part is even recognizing it's a problem," he soothed. "Puts you light years ahead of where I was at your age. Plus ten years," he said in awe.
"I screwed up," she whispered and took an unsteady breath. "I think he's done being so patient with me."
"That's not true," Race stated firmly and then kissed her forehead. "It's not. He's just processing…so much right now. Like you. All while trying to take care of you perfectly. He doesn't want to take his anger out on you, which is why he walked away. You're not the one he's mad at."
"I beg to differ," Jessie sighed. "He was pretty angry with me." She felt her father shake his head no. "Himself," she mumbled.
"Yes," Race agreed with a sigh. "It doesn't matter how many times you tell him. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him. You were hurt and he wasn't there to stop it. He'll never be okay with that."
Jessie stayed quiet. Unsure if he was talking about himself or Jonny.
"Let him walk away when he needs to, Jess."
"I did," she swallowed.
"And I promise whatever he said to upset you…wasn't meant," Race continued. "I guarantee you he's already beating himself up over it."
"I won't make him feel worse about it," she said resolutely.
"That's a good start," Race responded.
"What else should I do?" she asked.
Race pulled her closer. "Patience…patience…patience," he preached.
"How do I remember that in the heat of the moment?" she asked. "That would've helped me avoid the entire argument."
"Hell if I know," Race grumbled. "I was hoping you'd teach me once you figure it out."
They both laughed hard and it felt good.
XXX
Estella walked into the gym and almost turned around when she found Jonny there, but the way he was running on the treadmill gave her pause. She had never seen someone running that fast and was half afraid he would fall off and smack his head. The way his feet we're pounding...it was almost abusive.
She did not have to worry long though. After a moment, his hand went to the control and the machine methodically slowed down. Eventually, Jonny stopped moving and let the treadmill kick him off. He dropped to his knees and breathed heavily.
She almost left again, but something stopped her. Instead, she put her water bottle down and approached him.
She saw the annoyance on his face as soon as he caught sight of her in his periphery.
"These grounds are huge. Why's it so hard to get some space?" he growled.
"Cosmic joke?" she shrugged.
"Sorry," he sighed. "I'm in a bad mood. Didn't mean to take it out on you."
"It's okay," she shrugged again. "I can sympathize with a Bannon-induced bad mood better than most."
Jonny raised an eyebrow and smirked a little.
Estella smiled back. "I recognize the symptoms."
Jonny nodded, but did not offer any details.
"Want to talk about it?" she offered.
"Nope," he shook his head. "Just want to sweat."
XXX
Jonny lost track of his time in the gym. Estella had been gone a while. He was worn down and sweating heavily, but the intense workout was exactly what he needed. He was on his bench press lifting. He felt a rush of endorphins each time his arms straightened to hold the weights above his head. He knew he should stop. Find her and talk it out. He needed that to feel balanced.
A few lifts later, he did stop. Sitting up and wiping the sweat from his face. A bit dizzy from overdoing it.
He felt her before he heard her.
"Need a spotter?" she asked hesitantly.
It was the tremble in her voice that made him stand and turn to her. But one look had him sitting again to catch his bearings. Straddling the bench and releasing a long breath. Staring. His body reacting faster than his mouth. All he could manage was a nod.
She straddled him. Completely naked. Kissing him passionately before he could formulate a thought. He gave in without a fight. Gripping her hips and encouraging their movement. Grunting softly. Same as he had been while lifting. The endorphins she released were better.
After coming up for air, she kissed her way along his jaw. Up to his ear. Never letting up with her hips. She could feel how hard he was. Mission accomplished. Before anything else she needed to feel connected to him again. "I need you now," she moaned into his ear. "Can't wait."
"We can't do this here," he panted. A little panicked, but making no move to stop her.
Jessie removed his soaked through shirt and then pressed her forehead into his hard. Hips speeding up. Knowing he could stop her easily if he really wanted to. "I need you," she said again.
"Fuck," he groaned. Glancing at the door.
"Yes," she whispered. "Right here."
"Someone could walk in," he swallowed.
She trailed her hands down his chest. Inside his waistband. "Then you better get inside me fast," she teased.
Jonny lifted his hips and let her pull at his shorts. He watched as she guided him to her entrance and then pushed inside her quickly. Pausing for just a moment to enjoy her warmth and look in her eyes to make sure she was okay.
Then she threw her head back and wrapped her legs around his waist. Feet using the bench for leverage. Jonny put an arm around her waist to keep her close and gripped the bar holding his weights with his free hand.
They were breathing heavily. Moving wildly. Rushing. Both sweating. Racing each other to the edge. Jonny knowing he would not last long. He had fantasized about this and she knew it. Jessie just needing to feel close to him. Loving how he smelled after a long workout.
She let her mouth fall to his shoulder and tried to focus on nothing but him. Her nails scratched his back. She saw and felt her toes curl. He made her moan into his skin.
Jonny's movements faltered when IRIS announced the rest of their family's arrival.
Jessie lifted her head and bit his earlobe hard to bring him back to her. "Come for me, baby."
Jonny buried his head in her neck and did just that. Mumbling something incoherent and then leaning back on his palms.
She leaned back too and watched him. Body still tingling with need.
Jonny's gaze moved up her frame slowly. "Christ...Jess."
She grinned when their eyes met and then scrambled off him quickly. Gathering her clothes and running for the locker area.
Jonny followed. About two steps behind. A few more when he stopped to lock the door behind him. He closed his eyes and leaned a shoulder against the wall when he heard the shower start. He could picture her in there.
Then he inexplicably flashed to the sound of crashing waves from beneath that springhouse.
'Fuck.' He hated that his mind kept taking him back there. He froze and slumped fully against the wall until she called for him.
"Come finish what you started, Quest."
'Live in the moment,' he told himself.
He walked into the shower slowly. It was a large one. Open concept with walls that did not reach the ceiling. And big enough to fit the whole family. Totally unnecessary, but state of the art like most things in the Compound. It was granite and had more shower heads than anyone would ever need. She had them all going and was standing under a rainfall shower head. Watching him. She looked like sin. Every inch made for him.
"What're you staring at?" she asked.
He only heard a hint of nerves that time. He went to her and pushed the hair from her face. She lifted off her heels and he met her halfway in a soft kiss. "You're so beautiful, baby."
She kissed him again and then reached for his dick. Jonny closed his eyes and let her manipulate his body.
"There are faster ways I could make you come," he teased. Trailing his fingertips from her face to her outer thighs.
Jessie chuckled. "Are you seriously complaining?"
"No," he grinned. "Just identifying an inefficiency in your logic. I thought you appreciated that way of thinking?"
"Mmm...when I'm in a lab. Yes. Not when I have you wet and naked, babe."
His grin grew and his breaths quickened. "Noted," he swallowed.
Jonny moved a hand to her stomach when he was ready. Pressing his palm into her pelvis until she was trapped between a wall and him. He was tall enough to grip the top of the shower wall. He wrapped his other arm around her and easily lifted her off the ground. She helped him find his way back inside her and sighed in appreciation when he was buried to the hilt.
The pace was slower this time and his eyes stayed on her. Both feeling safer behind closed doors. When she fantasized about him, it was like this. The way he looked at her as much of a turn on as anything else he did.
"You feel...so good," she whispered.
'You feel alive and warm,' he could not help but think. Could not help but feel guilty for their argument. She was here and he was lucky.
"I love you," he whispered back. "I even love arguing with you, Jess."
"Baby," she swallowed. "Kiss me like you mean it."
He smiled into the kiss and kept kissing her until her heels were digging into his lower back. Then he leaned back to watch her face come undone.
He watched her recover and kept quiet. He did not want to argue, but he also did not feel ready to apologize and brush it aside.
He felt a little nervous himself when she finally opened her eyes. The sound of the water hitting the ground sounding so much louder in the silence.
Jessie pressed her palms into his shoulders until he stepped back. Then she dropped to her knees. He was still hard.
"Jess," he called out. Her mouth was on him before he could stop her. An indescribable feeling for him. His eyes hit the ceiling, but only for a moment. He could not resist the visual of her head bobbing over him. He pressed a fist into the wall and wrapped a hand around her face. He let himself enjoy it.
She knew exactly what to do to make him forget his fucking name. He called out hers in the process though.
When he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, he was surprised to still find her on the ground.
"Hey." He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly before he could see her face. He held her close and could tell she was crying. "Baby...I'm sor..."
"Don't apologize," she cut him off. "Please? Please don't apologize. I owe you a long conversation. I know I do. I didn't mean to... upset you. I hate fighting. I don't want to fight. Especially not now. I need you and I don't want to fight." Her arms tightened around him as she rambled on.
Jonny leaned back and wiped at her face lovingly. "I think we have a Christmas celebration to attend before anything else."
"Yes," she sighed.
"We can bail if you don't feel up to it," he offered. "I'll take you out?"
"No. It's fine," she sighed again and put her hand over his heart. "I just...wanted to feel close to you," she admitted. "I didn't want to spend the whole night feeling like there was a wall between us."
"I'm not going anywhere, Jess. No matter how hard it gets. I'll tell you every day if I have to."
Her head dropped. "Sounds exhausting."
"But worth it," he assured.
"You always know the right thing to say."
He kissed her forehead and then let her go. "We should get dressed."
"Tell me you love me," she rushed.
Jonny pulled her close and kissed her in response. A lingering kiss. He pecked her lips a few times when it ended and bumped his nose to hers. "More than my own life...I'm in love with you, Bannon."
He turned again to leave and her words stopped him. "That's how I love you." When he looked back at her, she said it again. "That's how much I love you too."
"I know," he smiled. "Love has never been our challenge, babe."
XXX
Jonny found his father in the lab after about thirty minutes of searching.
"Welcome home, Pop. I should've known to look for you here first."
"I seem to recall building a rather sophisticated home security system that would've given you that answer quickly," Benton noted.
"Boring," Jonny rolled his eyes.
Benton crossed his arms. "I think you've had enough excitement for one week, huh?"
"Probably," Jonny shrugged.
"How's Jessie?"
"Good."
"Real answer?"
Jonny pursed his lips. "Driving me fucking crazy to be honest. But I can't seem to get too upset about it."
"That's understandable," Benton offered. Watching his son closely.
Jonny ran his tongue across the top of his mouth and lingered in the doorway.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" Benton questioned.
"I actually did lose my temper with her earlier," Jonny sighed. "And it's not the first time I've done that since she's been back."
"Feeling guilty?"
"And confused," Jonny added. "I've never struggled to be patient with her. And now...when she needs me to be the most I'm failing." He finally came in the room and sat down.
"How can I help?" Benton wanted to know.
"I don't think you can. She and I will figure it out," Jonny added confidently.
"Then why did you come looking for me?"
Jonny shrugged again. "Just wanted to hang out I guess."
"Son...you're being far too hard on yourself. I hope you came to hear and believe that."
"Thanks Pop."
"Why did you lose your temper?"
"Because I want her to stay," he whispered. "...I want her to do it for me. But she won't and it makes me angry. I don't want that to be my reaction, but it is...I'd stay for her. She wouldn't even have to ask. I'd just do it."
"Have you asked her?"
"No. Not directly. I told her I wanted her to stay last night," he paused. Feeling himself getting angry again. "But I also promised her I wouldn't ask."
"What did she say?" Benton pushed when his son went quiet.
"That she'd stay if I asked her to," Jonny swallowed. "She put it right back on me," he bristled. "So fucking frustrating."
"Ask then," Benton said simply.
"No," he said with anger. "She knows I won't break my promise. That's why she gave me the ball back..." he stood. Shaking his head. "I know how her mind works. She's given me 'control,' but she still gets what she wants."
"These are extraordinary circumstances," Benton added logically.
"I know," Jonny kicked the ground.
Benton laughed. "You used to do that when you were six and didn't get your way."
Jonny smiled. Amused. "So you're saying I'm being selfish?"
"No," Benton laughed again. "I've never thought that. And I get why you want to keep her close. So just ask her to stay. She told you herself. All you have to do is ask."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because she'd only be doing it for me. Not because she actually wants to stay."
"You JUST said you wanted her to do it for you," Benton pointed out. "She offered to give you what you want, son. So why are you upset?"
"She gave me the option to TAKE what I want," Jonny corrected. "It's different. It's not that simple. It never is with her."
Benton considered for a while. "I don't think you're being fair. She's been through a lot."
"I know that better than anyone," Jonny dismissed.
"You're overcomplicating it."
"I'm not..."
"Jonny," Benton cut in. "She's willing to give you what you want," he reminded again. "She may have communicated it in a way you consider less than satisfactory, but she got there all the same. I'm quite certain there was a time when she wouldn't have even offered?"
Jonny nodded.
"Stop overthinking it," Benton emphasized. "Compromise. Let her compromise. Hold on tight and don't take a second for granted."
"Thank you," Jonny met his father's gaze and they shared a meaningful look. "I know why I came here now."
"Why?"
"My subconscious is clearly as genius as your conscious."
"What?" Benton laughed.
"Nothing," Jonny laughed too. "Gotta go. Have some work to do. Thanks again, Pop."
XXX
Jessie walked into the family room with a feeling of trepidation, but was hit with a sense of nostalgia instead. The room, previously undecorated, was decked out and reminded her of childhood Christmases at the Compound. All the presents were laid out and everyone was in their traditional gift receiving spots.
No one was staring at her or making her feel like the center of attention, which helped put her at ease. Jonny was on the ground by the tree. The grand marshal of gift-giving. She wanted to sit by him, but took her spot on the floor in front of the couch instead. The only thing out of the ordinary was her mother's presence, but that was a break in tradition that made her happy.
Jonny was smiling at her like she was the only one in the room. She wanted to ask him why, but it did not matter. It made her feel better. Then he crawled over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"I love your pjs, baby."
"Dork," she teased.
"Yours," he winked.
Opening gifts at the Compound was a long process. They went gift by gift to get every reaction. It was round three before Jessie got a gift from Jonny. Those were always her favorite. She opened it with a childlike excitement. Tearing through the paper and the tissue paper to find a homemade scrapbook just entitled 'US.'
She was crying before she flipped to the first page. Hands covering her face.
Jonny was next to her right away. "You haven't even looked at it yet," he teased lightly.
"I'm sorry," she said through her hands. "I love it."
Jonny wrapped his arms around her. She clung to him and kept crying. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I am."
"It's okay," he whispered in her ear. Unsure if she was apologizing for crying or for their argument. It no longer mattered. The way she was desperately clinging to him was the only thing that mattered.
Jessie was embarrassed when she pulled back. She grabbed the scrapbook and stood, but only looked at the ground when she spoke. "Thank you all for this. I'm really tired though. I'm gonna head to bed early if that's alright." She rushed from the room without another word.
Jonny stood and looked around the room. "I'm gonna" he pointed to the exit. "I'll see you all tomorrow."
He went to his room first. He thought she would be there and was disappointed to find it empty. She did leave the door to her room open though.
He walked in without knocking. Shutting the door behind him and heading straight for her bed to lie down. He could have passed right out in minutes. It had been a long day.
Jessie was sitting in a chair across the room. Looking through the scrapbook with a smile on her face.
Jonny watched her for moment before speaking. Enjoying the joy on her face because of his gift. It made him genuinely happy. The emotional rollercoaster continued. "I thought we weren't spending any more nights than necessary apart, babe?"
She looked up at him. "I thought you might need a break..."
"You thought wrong," he patted the spot beside him.
Jessie carefully placed his gift on the floor and then climbed into the bed to curl up next to him.
"Today was hard," she whispered. "I wasn't expecting that at all…I'm sorry."
"We've had better days, beautiful."
"Jonny...I meant it." She felt the deep breath he took.
"Doesn't seem like you did," he whispered.
"I wasn't overthinking things when I said it," she added quietly. Grabbing his hand and squeezing. "I was when you asked me point blank."
"Jess," he warned.
Jessie sat up abruptly. "I know what I want," she announced. "Just...will you let me get it out?"
"Okay." Jonny sat up against her headboard and waited. When she went a full minute biting her lip and not talking...
"I don't understand why it's so hard to tell me," he offered softly. Successfully keeping the judgement from his voice.
"Baby...because what I need is selfish," she admitted. Chin trembling. Avoiding eye contact. "And I hate myself for being selfish since I know if the situation were flipped...you wouldn't be."
Jonny swallowed and looked away for a moment. Not understanding why she was drawing out the obvious. Deciding to put her out of her misery and stop his pointless wishing.
"Jessie...I already know and I've accepted it. Hence the presentation where I was hoping you'd at least agree to a place with decent security so I have a prayer of sleeping at night. That's why I got so frustrated when you acted like..."
"Stop," she growled and got off the bed to pull his attention back to her. "Will you just…let me talk? I'm trying to tell you how I feel and you're interrupting me. Assuming that you already know." She was standing close to him and talking with her hands.
Jonny's head snapped back at the accusation. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
"You ALWAYS do that," she pointed out.
Jonny looked down. He had no idea. Hearing that was like getting slapped. "I'm sorry," he rushed.
"I let you," she added quickly. "I'm sorry too, Quest. I force you to fill that empty space when I don't. I know what I'm doing. I'm not proud of myself."
Jonny shifted to face her. Feet hanging over the bed.
She moved to stand between his legs and took both of his offered hands. "If my decision was as simple as just not wanting to defer a semester...I would've already made it. But it's not that simple."
"You're," Jonny started, but stopped himself. He did not want to interrupt her again.
"I need to go," she told him firmly. "I DON'T want to defer a semester. And I CAN'T be immobilized here."
Jonny nodded as his heart dropped.
"But I also have no interest in being away from you right now," she told him with just as much finality. "None. I don't want to have nightmares and wake up alone. I don't want to come home and not find you there. It's not home unless we're together. I don't want to spend another night apart, Jonny. Hence the selfish request."
His eyes widened. "Jess?"
"I really...really want you to come with me," she finished softly.
"Yes," he said without hesitation. Standing and crushing her to his chest. "Yes," he whispered into her hair. "Yes, babe."
Jessie chuckled. "You have to think about it."
Jonny pushed her back and hit her with a megawatt grin. "No I don't," he said in a disbelieving voice. "I want this. I want you."
Jessie closed her eyes tight and internalized his words. "I need you to come," she admitted quietly. Almost embarrassed. Relaxing a little when he leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't want to go without you. So I'm staying if we can't work out the details."
Jonny's heart was going crazy. He did not care about details. He finally felt like he could breath again.
"It's a big decision," she added. "You have school still…"
She stopped when he scoffed loudly.
"Look at me," he insisted and waited until she did.
"I love you," she kissed him.
"I love you," he swore. "So much. And I know what I want. I always have," he shook his head and smiled broadly. "Let's do this, baby."