I Would Do Anything For You

by tj12398

How far would you go in the name of love?

39. Chapter 39

AN: Wrapping up. Probably one more chapter after this. Epilogue-style. Then on to the next.

"Jonny…"

She practically sang his name. She was mumbling against his ear and then burrowed her head in his shoulder with a soft sigh. She was gripping his bicep reflexively and could feel it pulse as his hand moved.

He could feel her warm breath on his skin. He closed his eyes and focused on her breathing. She held her breath when he added more pressure and she let out a big exhale when he pinched her. Followed by a noise that all by itself made him hard. Her hips moved with his hand. A slow pace that turned to eager once she was close and needed release.

She was already pressed into his side but went dead weight after the pleasure faded. Kissing his neck firmly. "Baby," she whispered.

Jonny kissed the top of her head as he removed his hand from between her legs. Deliberately trailing his fingertips across her skin. Teasing her nipples until she stopped him.

She captured his hand in hers and stretched lazily against him. "You have to let me sleep, love. I'm spent," she told him quietly.

"You asked me to go with you," he said in awe. She could hear the smile in his voice. "And I have you naked in your bed. One of my top ten favorite places to have you naked. How am I supposed to sleep?" he asked incredulously.

She laughed outright. "You don't have to sleep, but you could keep your hands to yourself," she teased.

"Nah," he shook his head, which made her laugh again.

"So, where's your third favorite place to have me naked?" she deflected.

"Shower," he responded enthusiastically. Answering faster than she had expected.

She raised an eyebrow. "Seventh?"

"My car."

Another fast response, which made her head pop up. "You have a list? No joke?"

"No joke," he chuckled. "Of course, I have a list."

"Well...you have to tell me number one," she prompted.

"My bed," he huffed. "Obviously."

"Why obviously," she pushed.

"First place I saw your boobs," he shrugged nonchalantly. "…which you already know I'll worship til the day I die." He curled his body instinctively when he felt her knee moving. "Don't kick me. Don't kick me, babe. I was kidding."

They settled after a few moments of mock struggle and then she challenged him. "You were kidding?"

"Not totally," he admitted. Squeezing her hand and hugging her close so he could feel every available inch of her. "I've never tried to hide my obsession though. Well…maybe I did early on, but doubt I fooled you."

"You didn't," she laughed. "Now tell me the real answer."

"Look at me," he requested. He gave her a long kiss after she did.

She kept her eyes closed when he pulled back. "You can't daze me with your kisses and make me forget my questions," she teased.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he laughed and then answered simply. "A few firsts in my bed...and a whole lot of you trusting me."

"You could say that," she agreed.

"Pretty hard to top," he grinned. "Although I think our first official bed together could be a very close second," he finished.

She blinked slowly and absorbed his words. "You're SO cute, baby."

"Cute?" he rolled his eyes and then stared up at the ceiling.

"Never change," she sighed. Relaxing even more against him and closing her eyes. "You make my head spin and my heart race."

XXX

"Do you think Jess knows about us?" Estella asked. She was staring out at the Compound grounds as she spoke. It was so dark that she could not distinguish much beyond a few feet. But she could hear the ocean in the distance. It was incredibly relaxing. They were out on the deck. Passing one beer back and forth as they talked. Neither could sleep.

"No," Race shook his head confidently.

"How can you be so sure?" she asked.

"Easy. She's her mother's daughter," he chuckled. "She would've confronted me on it already. She'd be all over me, Stel."

"You don't think Jonny will tell her?" she shot back skeptically.

Race shook his head again. "No. He won't bring it up. He's not rushing for her to find out."

Estella swallowed hard. Clearly uncomfortable with that news. "Why do you say that?"

"Stop giving me those eyes or we'll never finish this conversation," he deflected charmingly.

"I'm just looking at you while you talk," she laughed.

Race sighed. "God...I'm fucked."

"Stop," she blushed. "This is so weird."

"Good weird?" he flirted.

"Scary weird."

He got serious. "I'm all in, Stel."

"Roger," she warned and tried to catch her bearings.

"What?" he challenged. "You're already second guessing? Or was I just hallucinating when you said yes last night?"

"I'm...scared," she admitted again. "This all happened so fast." Race wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "We're out in the open," she commented, but did not tense or pull away.

"I'm all in," he repeated.

"Why doesn't Jonny want Jess to know?" she asked. Trying to hide the insecurity in her voice, but Race heard. "He doesn't approve?" she huffed and then started to rant. "And yes…I do realize I'm being a giant hypocrite right now. Annoyed that I don't have his approval when I withheld my own for so long. But…by the way…it's truly ridiculous that his opinion holds such weight. Don't you think? If you REALLY think about it? I mean…our daughter's boyfriend? Come on. Why does that opinion count? What? Why are you looking at me like that? What? Speak," she ordered.

Race was barely containing a laugh. "I missed this."

She deflated a bit. "Huh?"

"Watching you get all fired up," he offered. "You just went from zero to sixty for no reason, but it was a fun ride."

"Bannon," she growled. "I'm not in the mood."

"I'm not sure where to start," he mused. "You make my head spin, woman."

Estella handed him the beer and then removed his arm from her shoulder. Race quickly put the beer down and grabbed her around the waist before she got far. She did not put up a fight. He trapped her in a bear hug between himself and the deck railing. He held on tight and did not speak until he felt her relax.

"So…when did you give Jonny your approval exactly? You were caving in the hospital, but I didn't realize it was official. Not sure how I could've missed that. Did you two hug it out and everything?"

"We didn't have a formal conversation," Estella shrugged. "But I thought it was pretty implicit. Our entire dynamic has changed. Besides…he speaks Bannon, remember? Actions over words. So I assume he's puzzled it out."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"I highly doubt he'll believe it until you say it, Stel."

She tensed again. "Is this a barter situation? My approval for his? I don't think so…"

"The two ARE mutually exclusive," Race rubbed her arms affectionately. "Only you are connecting them. The kid told me to go for it," he finished with a chuckle.

"Really?"

"Really...he wants me to be happy and he knows how I feel about you." Estella turned in Race's arms at that.

"So…I overreacted?" She rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say that," he laughed harder. "I'm not that dumb."

"Shut up," she pushed against his chest playfully.

"He wants me to be happy…doesn't want Jess disappointed. That's all."

"Yeah...I'm worried about that also. She's been through enough."

"This doesn't have anything to do with her," Race offered.

"It would affect her," Estella disagreed.

"You're right," he acknowledged. "Look...I want this. I don't know what else to say. The ball's in your court, sweetheart."

"You said that the first time too," she swallowed and looked at him with wide eyes. "That you were all in."

"I did," he sighed. "And I meant it...but I also had no fucking clue what 'all in' really entailed at the time. I was too young to understand. Now I do know. All the years that have gone by...all the women," he added honestly. "You're the only one I've ever..."

She licked her lips and smiled. "You do recall that I throw things when I'm pissed, right? That hasn't changed."

"I'm still good at ducking," he laughed. "Besides, I actually like fighting with you when we get to make up."

"Let's tell her together?" Estella suggested.

"I like together," he flirted. "Wanna go to bed together?"

"Yeah," she grinned.

"Should we check in on her first?" Race asked.

"No," Estella said sadly. "Jonny has it covered. I think you know that."

"Mmm...fine. I'll let it go. For now. Let's call it a night."

XXX

"Will your dad be upset with me for taking you away?" Jessie whispered into the dark. They had been quiet for a while. She was enjoying his warmth and letting his steady breathing lull her after the long day. Her eyes locked on their joined hands. Resting against his chest and lit by the moonlight. She felt him take a deep breath before responding.

"Of course not," he kissed the top of her head. "Why would you worry about that, Jess?"

She shrugged with her whole body. "I need something to worry about," she joked in a self-deprecating tone. "Right?"

Jonny stroked her hair with his free hand and waited for the real answer.

"If you leave...it's because of me," she said like it was obvious.

"I AM leaving," he stated firmly and then softened. "With you. Because I want to, baby. More than anything I've ever wanted. Besides...I was leaving in nine months otherwise."

"Nine months he thought he had with you," she pushed. "I'm sure he'll be disappointed."

"Maybe," Jonny agreed. "But not angry with you."

"I don't like the idea of him being disappointed in me," she sighed. "That's worse."

Jonny scoffed. "He's never been disappointed in you, Jess. He brags about you like crazy. I'd be jealous if I wasn't your biggest fan."

"I've never taken his son away," she shot back. Ignoring his compliment.

Jonny scoffed again. "He knows you own my ass."

"Stop. I'm serious."

Jonny swallowed hard. "Are you second guessing?" he asked insecurely.

Jessie slid up his body and gave him a firm kiss. "No," she whispered against his lips. "I need you, Quest. And I'm not going without you. I'm just thinking about the details."

Jonny grinned. "My dad knows...he understands that I can't be away from you. Especially now. We had a conversation about it tonight. He was trying to convince me that I should take you up on your offer to stay. Not overthink it and ask you."

"Both of us staying is pretty different than both of us leaving," she kissed his chest.

"Yeah...I know," he sighed. "But I also know he'll get over it. They both will," he added confidently. "They don't have much choice."

He felt her take a deep breath. Then she slid up again to see his face.

"My poor father will be the one who's actually mad at me," she grinned. Kissing his nose. "I'm stealing his best friend after all."

Jonny kissed her quick. "I'm looking at my best friend."

"Oh...good answer," she whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he kissed her.

"It's gonna be great," she squealed a little. "It's so different though," she added. "Not being here...I suppose that's a bit obvious."

Jonny shrugged. "I'll miss hanging out with your dad every morning," he admitted. "And popping into the lab randomly to make sure my dad is eating. That'll take some getting used to...but I'm getting more than I'm losing."

She chuckled. "You've already struck gold, Hotshot."

"I'm excited to start our life together, Jessie."

"Same." She closed her eyes and thought about his words.

"I'm so..."

"What?" she pushed.

He kissed her one more time and then tried to pull her closer again.

She giggled against his lips. "What's with you? I'm truly as close as I can get, babe."

He pulled back enough to look into her eyes. "I'm so lucky," he whispered. "For many reasons...but mostly..."

"Jonny?"

"Just do me a favor...if you ever think I've forgotten how lucky I am…a year from now…two…twenty…whatever…just punch me straight in the fucking face. Really hard, okay? That will be my signal to remember back to how I feel in this moment and I'll get my shit together. Promise to give me that fair warning? Because I don't wanna lose you."

"Promise," she laughed. "But only if you do the same because I don't wanna lose you either."

"Deal. Except I'm not gonna punch you in the face obviously."

"A conversation works across the board," she agreed.

Jonny swiped his fingers across her bruised hip at that and his heart contracted sharply. His mind picturing how it happened and not for the first time. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to even joke about…I didn't mean it, Jess."

"Doesn't hurt," she promised.

"Doesn't make me less of a jerk for…"

"Stop. That hurts," she interrupted. "You thinking that about yourself hurts. Don't censor with me. That would hurt even more. I love you as is. Period. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," he relaxed. "That's how I love you too, beautiful."

"I know," she whispered. Recognizing the irony. "I suppose we may need to remind each other a few thousand times. Apparently?"

"Cool."

"Cool?" she scoffed.

"Yeah…I can live with that. As long as we're doing it together."

"Together," she repeated. "Why didn't you?" she asked a moment later. "Ask me to stay?"

Jonny sighed. "I don't know...idiotic sense of honor," he grumbled. "Besides...I didn't think you wanted me to ask, which complicated everything."

"I'm glad you didn't," she said after a pause. Squeezing his hand. "Thank you for letting me get there on my own. It means everything..."

Jonny tried to pull her closer again to no avail. "I didn't let you get there as gracefully as I would've liked, but we got there. I'm sorry for not being more patient today. I love you more than anything and this is when I should be the most patient. I do know that."

"Quest...you've built up a large reserve in that department," she whispered. "You get SO much slack. I promise you."

"Say it one more time?" he whispered.

"I need you with me. Always. And I'm not leaving here without you."

"You don't know how happy you've made me, Bannon."

She did know. She could hear it in his voice. Feel it in the way he held her.

XXX

Jonny woke up before her. She had rolled away from him in the middle of the night but was still close. She looked happy and relaxed. He closed his eyes again and started to make a mental to do list. He knew she was worried about the details. He wanted to take care of as many as he could so she would worry less. But first...he wanted a normal day. Looking at the clock, it was a little after six in the morning. His normal wake up time. Good start.

He left the room to shower and dress quickly. Stopping back to watch her sleep for a few minutes before racing down to the kitchen.

"You're late," Race teased. Arms crossed.

Jonny rolled his eyes. "Five minutes."

"Let's go," Race cocked his head and led them outside. Starting at a slow trot.

"You're going easy on me today?" Jonny joked.

"Workout is just getting started, kiddo."

XXX

Jonny hit the sand with a dramatic thud. Sucking air into his lungs greedily. Race sat beside him. Laughing a little. "I guess I should've kept my mouth shut?"

"Yeah...you should've," Race agreed. "And you should've slept in your own bed last night too. Consider it a punishment," he added. Only half kidding.

Jonny cleared his throat. "I slept in my own bed the first night home," he defended lamely.

"Alone?" Race shot back bitingly. An awkward silence passed between them. "Don't push me on this," he warned next. "It won't end well."

"Sorry." Jonny sat up and shielded his eyes from the sun. "Are you seriously pissed at me?"

"I'm not happy about it," Race offered evenly. "But I'm confident you knew I wouldn't be happy about it and you did it anyway. Correct?"

"Yeah," Jonny nodded and looked down. Heart pounding and incredibly nervous about Race's reaction to their news. "It's...extraordinary circumstances though. Don't you think?"

Race's tongue traced his teeth before responding with a firm stance. "How long does that excuse extend?"

"Excuse?" Jonny sneered. "I'm not using this as a way to...," he trailed off getting angrier by the second. "She needs me right now. I want to BE there for her. That's my only intention, Race. Don't turn this into something else."

Race narrowed his eyes. "Across the hall is close enough, kid. It's more than enough in my opinion."

Jonny sighed again. Wishing that Race would just understand. Searching for a way to explain it right. "Race...," he tried to start over. "She had such an intense dream the other night that I had to wake her up and calm her down. She sweat right through the sheets."

"Mmm."

Jonny did not detect any change in Race's face at that admission, so he kept talking. "And you saw how upset she got yesterday..."

"Because the two of you argued," Race interrupted. "I'm aware. I found her crying on the floor over it."

"Fuck," Jonny closed his eyes. "I didn't mean to make her cry. I apologized..."

"She was pretty clear the fight was her fault," Race backed off.

Jonny shrugged lightly. "It takes two...I should've been more patient. Anyway...my point remains. We fought BECAUSE she was already upset and looking for a fight to avoid talking to me about it. Giving her space won't help. She'll take the space if I back off and bury all of it. I KNOW her and I know for a fact that's what she'll do. I can't...won't let that happen. It wouldn't be good for her or me."

"Fine, but tonight..." Race made a separating motion with his hands. Not budging. "To your respective corners. Not under this roof. I'm not comfortable with it. Respect that," he finished with authority.

"Race..."

"Crowd her all you want during waking hours," Race cut him off. Annoyed. "Sleeping thirty fucking feet apart won't kill you."

"It might."

"Suck it up," Race answered through his teeth. "She's my daughter and I'm NOT comfortable with it. So STOP doing it."

"When will you be okay with it?" Jonny challenged. An irrational panic flushed through his system at the thought. "In today's day and age..."

"I said not to push me," Race shook his head. "You're pissing me off. In today's day and age, the average teenaged couple doesn't live together while dating...so don't give me that shit."

"I wanna know when," Jonny pushed in an easy tone. "Seriously...I'm not being disrespectful. What's your real expectation given that she and I are far from the average teenaged couple? That's information I actually need."

"Even though we've never discussed specifics, I'm sure you could deduce," Race grumbled.

"I'd marry her tomorrow," Jonny said lightly.

"I'd break your jaw today," Race rolled his eyes.

"I could sign 'I do' even if you break my jaw," Jonny joked.

"I could break your hands too..."

"This is getting unnecessarily violent," Jonny mumbled. "And isn't that a little old fashioned anyway? She's..."

"Finish school. BOTH of you finish," Race cut him off. "Get engaged and then we can talk about living arrangements. Do things the right way, Jonny. I'm sure that does seem old fashioned to you, but I see it as taking the time to build something that will last. In the grand scheme of things…"

"Let's negotiate this," Jonny bartered. "That's not realistic."

"No," Race said firmly and Jonny went quiet. "You asked for my expectation. I just gave it to you and it's a reasonable one," he added. "You can't be surprised by any of it."

Jonny shrugged. "Suppose not."

Race stood. "Let's head in."

Jonny did not move. He needed time to think. "I'll meet you back there."

"Don't sulk," Race ordered.

"I'm not," Jonny defended.

"What're you thinking so hard about?" Race pushed.

Jonny took a long pause before responding quietly. "Trying to reconcile how I respect what you're asking and give her what she needs. Because I can't do both."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't," Jonny whispered.

Race cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Look...I know you feel..."

"You DON'T know how I feel," Jonny interrupted angrily. "Stop saying that. If you understood, we wouldn't have an issue...it's not the same."

"You're right," Race agreed. "It's not the same. But I CAN understand how you feel and still not agree with you."

"Yes. You've made that quite clear," Jonny closed his eyes. Trying to push his frustrations down.

"In a few years..."

"Stop," Jonny growled. Standing to leave. "Seriously. Let's talk later." He did not want to argue.

"Let's talk now," Race insisted.

"No. I wanna take a beat. I'm getting upset," Jonny admitted.

"I can see that," Race crossed his arms. "How about you take it out on me today? Instead of her?"

"Fuck you," Jonny exploded.

"Fuck me?"

"Yeah. Fuck you and go fuck yourself too. Are you kidding me? Is this some lesson? I don't need it. Another punishment? I DON'T deserve it. I apologized to her for yesterday and it won't happen again because I actually learn from my mistakes with her. Who are you to give relation..." he stopped himself. Turning away and breathing heavily. Shaking his head.

"Say what you mean," Race sighed.

"I don't mean it," Jonny ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "I have enough self-control to stop myself before saying shit I don't mean. Isn't that the point of this lesson?"

"Not a lesson," Race grumbled. "Just trying to have an adult conversation with you."

Jonny turned back to face his mentor. "We're not gonna get on the same page today," he pointed out calmly. "And I really don't wanna fight with you."

"Yeah," Race agreed. "I don't wanna fight either. But you need to yell as much as she needs to cry and probably vice versa. Taking it out on me will result in you feeling a lot less shitty at the end of the day. Don't you think?"

Jonny smiled reluctantly. "You were baiting me?"

"Only a little," Race shrugged. "Didn't take much, kid."

"So…you're not pissed about sleeping arrangements?" Jonny asked hopefully.

"In your dreams," Race told him. "But I'll let it go for today because it's clearly a longer conversation and not one that we need to worry about for a while," he added with finality.

'Fuck,' Jonny thought. 'So much for a normal day.'

"You ready for breakfast?" Race asked.

Jonny opted for a little honesty instead.

"I got so angry because you were talking like it's a random Thursday. As if I'm some heartsick kid who can't see beyond my own selfish wants. That's not fair and that's not what this is..."

Race nodded. "Doesn't make it easier for me."

"Well…I'm focused on making things easier on her. Rewind a week and we'd be on the exact same page with your expectation," Jonny continued. "I wouldn't have loved it obviously, but I also wouldn't have challenged you. It's different now. Now I understand with unfortunate certainty how life can change in a heartbeat. I came too close to losing her. Now I'm afraid to let her leave this Compound without me. But mostly…I'm just trying to give her what I know she needs."

"What does she need?" Race asked.

"To be pressed into opening up. Yelling and crying like you said. To be constantly reassured," Jonny swallowed. "I'm pushing her outside her comfort zone on top of all the other shit she's dealing with. She's feeling unsure and pushing back. Testing me to see if I'll run...which I won't."

"I know you won't."

"It's so hard to see her like this, man. Angry one moment and crazy...I mean crazy insecure the next. Which I know all boils down to her not feeling safe in some way," Jonny licked his lips and shook his head. "I fucking hate that," he added passionately.

"You reading Hadj's psych books now?"

Jonny scoffed. "He's not the only logical one in the family. It's pretty obvious why she's acting the way she is. Besides, I know my subject well. Study hard..."

"Shut up."

They both laughed for a moment and it felt good.

"It's my job to make her feel safe," Jonny added quietly. "Being there to keep things…normal…is the best I can think to do. Keep her outta her head as much as possible. Reassure her when she can't avoid it."

"I thought that was my job," Race shot back.

"She's mine too," Jonny said quietly and then caught himself. "And she'd not be happy with me for saying that."

"Only because she'd react to the obvious interpretation. I know that's not how you mean it."

"Think of it as outsourcing," Jonny redirected with a laugh. "Big job."

"Yep."

"Best job," Jonny grinned.

"True."

They were quiet for a few minutes. Both staring out at the ocean. Jonny broke the silence.

"I promise to sleep in my own bed tonight...but it may kill me."

Race chuckled. "Thank you, kid. But you forgot the alone part."

"Did I?" Jonny sighed.

XXX

Race walked into the kitchen already exhausted but perked up when he saw his daughter. Everything Jonny had said was written all over her face and body language. It was clear she was on edge and not feeling herself. Not that he had expected otherwise, but it was still unsettling to see. Her forced smile did not reach her eyes and her thumbs were gripping the fabric of her shirt at the wrists like her life depended on it. He sat across from her at the kitchen island and smiled genuinely.

"Morning Ponchita. How are you?"

"Hi Dad. Where's Jonny?" she redirected. Looking through him and out the window.

"Hung back on the beach," Race explained.

"He okay?" she asked.

"Yes," Race assured. "No need to worry. He just wanted some time alone."

"Understandable." She looked down. "I haven't...been the easiest last few days."

Race scoffed. "Time away from me, sweetheart. Pretty sure he'd handcuff YOU to his side if you allowed it."

She swallowed. "What happened?"

"Nothing you need to worry about."

It was Jessie's turn to scoff. "On what planet do I just let that statement go, dad?"

Race smirked. "I told him that I didn't appreciate you two sharing a room. He tried to negotiate."

Jessie's eyebrow rose. "Successfully?"

"On what planet?" Race shot back.

"Right," Jessie grinned.

"He's probably down there rethinking his entire strategy," Race chuckled. "I look forward to round two and seeing what he comes up with."

Jessie stuck out her bottom lip. "My poor guy. Take it easy on him. Please? For me? This is my fault. I..."

"It's not," Race whispered.

"Dad...I could've kicked him out of my bed," Jessie pointed out. "He only stayed because I didn't want him to go," she added honestly.

"I've blocked that from my consciousness," Race teased.

"And now he's all tangled up trying to make us both happy..."

"Jess," her father interrupted. "The fact remains..."

"I asked him to come with me," she rushed out.

"Wait." The surprise showed on his face. "Excuse me?"

"Last night," she cleared her throat before continuing. "I asked him to leave with me when I go back to school."

"Sweetheart. When you're upset…you can't say things like that to him," Race sounded exasperated. "He'll do anything to try and fix it. You know how he is..."

"I do."

"I'm sorry," Race backtracked. "You say what you need to. But Christ...he's probably already researched getting his GED and planned out the next six months," Race finished with a shake of his head.

"Probably," Jessie could not help but smile as she said it.

"This is serious," Race huffed. "Jessie…"

"It is serious," she took a deep breath. "I didn't ask him lightly. I just...want him to come with me. I know it's selfish."

"It's understandable...but not practical," he noted.

"Why?" she challenged. "And the fact that this is happening nine months sooner than you expected isn't good enough."

"You're planning more than a timeline shift here. I assume separate residences isn't part of the scenario?" He tried not to say it through his teeth, but it was a challenge.

"We haven't discussed details yet," she admitted. "But the whole point is to be together so..."

"No."

"We live together now!"

"It's not the same. No!"

"Say we wait? Fast forward nine months...his stuff is sitting in a paid for dorm room. Do you realistically think that's where he's sleeping?" she challenged. "You're a realist. Come on."

Race clenched his jaw and stared out the window. "You two need to have your own space. Rushing to completely erase that is a mistake. Making big decisions right now is a mistake. Fast forward nine months when this isn't so fresh. When life is…"

"Normal?" she interrupted. Saying that word like it was dirty.

Race closed his eyes and recalibrated quickly. Something he was very skilled at. "Once you make such a permanent choice…it'll be hard to walk back, Jess. At least not without causing serious damage..."

"So don't rush," Jessie finished. "I hear you."

"But?" Race sighed.

"I need him," she whispered.

"Then stay here," Race offered. "You'll get what you need without capsizing your whole life."

"Capsizing?" she huffed. "He's in my life…we're planning a life together…aren't you overreacting?" Jessie licked her lips quickly. "We live together now," she repeated.

"The Compound is slightly larger than a small apartment," Race said sarcastically.

"Yet he and I are constantly together within this large space," she argued.

Race sighed again. "Don't make a commitment that neither of you is really ready for, Jess. No matter how much you think you are. Please trust me over your stubborn instincts. For once?"

It was a while before she answered. "Jess?" he prompted. Leaning toward her.

She leaned away. "I'll think about it," she promised quietly.

"Think about what?" Jonny asked from the entryway. He did not like the guilty look that crossed her face at the question. His appearance clearly took them both by surprise.

Race straightened and crossed his arms. "Did you exclude some important information this morning, kid?"

"Dad!" she jumped in immediately. "Leave him alone."

Jonny swallowed, but stood his ground. "No…I said everything I wanted to say."

Race closed his eyes and asked for patience. He knew pushing too hard would make them both dig in on the decision. He waited a few minutes hoping one of them would engage further, but they both stayed stubbornly quiet. With him and each other. Jessie picking at her food and Jonny leaning against the counter. Drinking from his water bottle like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "Discuss this with each other more," he eventually broke the silence and successfully kept the judgment from his voice. "Start over with clear heads," he implored. Then he stared at Jonny until the kid caved and met his gaze. "Come find me later," he added. "We're not done."

Jonny nodded. "I want to be the one to tell my father."

Race nodded back as he left the room.

Jonny did not have a chance to remind himself about controlling his temper before she was up and wrapping her arms around his waist. Burying her head under his chin. The smell of her hair and the warmth of her body set him at ease in seconds. "You're magic," he whispered.

"What?" she huffed.

"Nothing," he kissed the top of her head and tightened his embrace. "I love you."

"I love you more."

"Is this your way of apologizing for changing your mind?" he asked slowly.

"No," she said firmly. "It's my way of apologizing that my dad blindsided you. It came up organically and I didn't want to lie. I'm sorry, babe."

"It's fine," Jonny shrugged. "His reaction would've been the same no matter what."

"True."

"I probably should've told him this morning myself."

"Why didn't you?"

He shrugged again. "Wanted to check in on how you were feeling about it this morning first."

She stiffened and cleared her throat in response. "Do you really think I know myself that little? That it was just something I blurted out with no thought? We talked about it for hours last night, Quest. What the fuck?"

Jonny grabbed her hand and kissed it. Wanting to diffuse the bomb. She fought it, but a smile crept through. "Stop trying to charm me," she rolled her eyes.

"Can't help it," he grinned, pulling her close again. "You're too beautiful. I can't control myself."

"Try harder," she giggled.

"No fun in that," he whispered in her ear and then kissed it.

They enjoyed the embrace for a while before she spoke up. "Jonny?"

He nudged her back so he could see her face. "I know you meant it, Jess. I meant it too. Every damn word. But I'm not gonna hold you to it unless it's what you really want with a clear head. I wasn't gonna say this in front of your dad obviously, but he's not wrong," Jonny huffed.

Jessie laughed and quirked an eyebrow. "Why can't you say that in front of my dad?"

"Because I'm not on his team when it comes to this," Jonny clarified. "I'm on your team."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"You said something last night that struck me," he continued. "I apologized for not being patient and you told me that I have so much slack. You have so much slack, baby. I promise. Just be honest with me."

She beamed at him. "I haven't changed my mind."

Jonny pushed off the counter with a spring in his step. "Great. I'm gonna get this conversation with your dad over with."

"Wait," she called out with a laugh. "Going hot five minutes after he told us to talk more is a poor strategy."

"Smart and gorgeous," he flirted. "What's the plan?"

"Go shower," she instructed. "Then take me out for the day?"

"Where do you wanna go?" Jonny asked.

"Anywhere," she said quietly. "I just want to be with you."

Jonny grabbed her hand again. "Let's drive for a while. Find a good place to talk?"

"Perfect."

XXX

Estella greedily sucked in air before trying to talk. "That was incredible," she praised. Pushing sweaty strands of hair away from her eyes and then wiping at his forehead too. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," he grumbled. "Enjoying you is all."

She laughed wildly. "I'd love to believe that's all it was, but I know you too well. Fess up, Bannon."

Race closed his eyes and considered. He had not promised to keep it from her. "Our daughter asked her boyfriend to go to California with her," he said with the annoyance clear in his voice.

"Huh," she stared up at his ceiling.

He turned his head fast. "Huh is your only comment?"

"I've spent years arguing with her," Estella started. "About him. It was wasted time and I regret it. I'm done with that now."

"You're okay with this?" Race rubbed his face in agitation. "That's a fucking role reversal."

"So you're NOT okay with this?" she asked softly.

"No," he stated. "It's a mistake. They're making a mistake. They're emotional and rushing into something they're not ready for."

"Sounds vaguely familiar," she said sadly. Sitting up and pulling the blankets around herself securely. "It's their mistake to make, Roger."

"Yeah," he ran his hands over his face in agitation. "I'm aware. Which is why I backed off."

"And found me to blow off some steam?" she challenged.

"Perhaps," he shrugged. "I'm still pretty upset though…may need your help with that," he flirted.

"Okay stud."

A ringing phone interrupted their banter. When Race saw that it was Phil, he got out of bed and put on his boxers. "I'll be right back," he announced.

Estella watched him go and could not help but think how familiar that felt.

XXX

"I love the sound of your voice, baby. Talk some more," he mewled.

Jessie licked his neck and then started to kiss it again. She was straddling him in the driver's seat. "You're the one who brought me to make out central," she teased.

"Honest mistake," he shot back. Squeezing her ass.

She leaned back but pressed their foreheads together. "Mistake?"

"Yeah." They grinned at each other stupidly. "God…you're beautiful," he effused.

"Thank God you're mine," she added softly. Jonny reached up and wrapped his hands around her face. Brushed his thumbs across her skin with care. He made her feel so loved and she wanted to return that. "How are you?" she asked.

"Amazing," he laughed.

"Seriously?" she growled.

"You should know by now that my answer can't be anything less when you're on top of me. No," he then yelled. Caging her in when she tried to shift back to the passenger seat. "Stay."

"Babe," she chuckled. "Come on. We said honest, remember?"

"What?" he challenged. "I'm happy, Jess. Do I not seem it? After all this shit…I'm just happy and grateful and I want to hold on to you and fucking drown in it as long as possible."

"Alright," she kissed him chastely but sat back when he tried to deepen it.

"What are you hinting at?" he asked. "Say it outright."

"I'm worried for you," she shrugged. "Just like you're worried for me. That's all. Yesterday was hard and the day before that was even harder." She returned the favor of wrapping her hands around his face. "And so on."

"What I hear is that each day is getting better," he offered and went in for another kiss.

She leaned back again. Licking her lips and debating her next words. "You killed him," she said simply.

She knocked the wind out of him. Jonny's smile dropped. He was not expecting that and shook his head. "Why are you bringing this up again?" He pushed her hips toward the passenger seat, but she defiantly locked her knees around him.

"I'm comfortable where I am, Hotshot."

He could not help but smile at that. He also caught himself being a hypocrite. "Why are you bringing this up again?" he asked. More softly this time.

"I didn't like the way you brushed it off when I asked the other night," she told him slowly. "It's no small thing. You killed him," she repeated. Wanting an honest reaction.

"I did," he said with little emotion. "And I'd understand if my lack of reaction to that unnerves you…"

"That's not the right verb," she interrupted. "Disbelief is a more apt description."

"You can't believe I did it?" he swallowed.

"It's not that. I just don't believe you feel nothing after killing a man," she clarified. "No matter how evil…"

"That pig was gonna kill you," Jonny whispered.

"And it wasn't gonna be a quick death," she took control of the narrative. Jonny focused on the images in his side view mirror as she spoke. "And he killed many before me, one…right in front of me and he wasn't gonna stop. He had to BE stopped. He was evil," she acknowledged.

Jonny furrowed his brow and briefly wondered if the Bannons in his life were mounting a coordinated effort to emotionally bait him. He responded slowly. "What do you want to hear, Jess?"

"The truth. How you REALLY feel. Because it's not possible that you feel nothing," she said gently. "I need…" she trailed off. Wanting to push but not wanting to guilt him.

Jonny turned and looked her dead in the eyes. "What do you need?"

She smiled sadly. "I already told you. I know when you're holding something back. I also know you love it when I use your words against you. You said it has to go both ways, right?"

"Right," he agreed.

"So why are you hesitating?"

"I guess…because I don't believe what I have to say is helpful," he admitted. "At the moment."

She nodded and then pressed her palms into his chest. "Helps me feel closer to you."

Jonny understood that deeply. He felt the tension leave his body. "I'm glad he's dead, Jessie. I get why your confused. I never thought I'd be able to handle taking a life so easily either. That's part of the reason I decided not to follow in your father's footsteps. You're the biggest reason, but that was a factor for sure." He paused for a long moment. Staring through her instead of at her.

"Jonny?"

"Maybe it will hit me differently after some time passes, but I don't think so…"

"Why not?"

"When I realized you weren't taken by someone we knew. For motivations I could understand. When I realized getting you back unharmed was unlikely. That getting you back at all was a giant question mark…something inside me clicked on that I didn't know was there. Something that was willing to do absolutely anything. Make any compromise. I was so goddamn desperate by the time I walked into that hole where he kept you…"

Jessie stroked his hair instead of pushing him. She waited patiently for as long as she could. "Will you please tell me?"

"I think I did, baby. You just happened to be unconscious at the time."

She kissed his forehead and smiled against his skin. "Am I this annoying when you try to get me to talk?" she teased.

"Yes," he laughed.

"Well…conscious me would also like to be in the know."

Jonny swallowed hard. "Your dad made me promise not to say it out loud again," he admitted. Hoping she would drop it.

Jessie pressed her forehead into his again and sighed. "Nope. We can't communicate telepathically…yet."

"So weird, love."

"What team are you on again?" she whispered.

"Touché," he smiled, but still hesitated. He did not want to put the truth on her, but felt a stronger pull to be honest. "The truth is that I decided to kill him the moment I walked into that room and saw what I saw, Jess. Then I just waited for my moment. And the truth is I'd do it again if he was standing in front of me right now. Except I'd do it slower."

"You wouldn't…"

Jonny's humorless laugh cut her off. He shut his eyes. Afraid of what he may see in hers. "Yes I would, Jess. Because alive he'd always be a threat. Or hold some kind of power. And I was not gonna allow that." He did not open his eyes until he felt her hands on his face. He watched her for a while. Trying to read her expression. "Does that scare you?"

"No," she shook her head. "You make me feel safe. Thank you for telling me." She kissed him gently but they got lost in passion quickly.

"Ha…"

A slamming door interrupted them and had her all but jumping from her skin and straightening her clothing at the same time. She accidentally punched him in the stomach while scrambling back to the passenger seat. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said heavily. "Actually helps." It was a good shot and she knocked the breath from him. He checked his mirrors and scolded himself for not being more aware. He had not seen the car approach. "Fuck," he sighed. Starting his car to leave, but getting frustrated quickly when the other vehicle continued to block the exit instead of pulling up beside them. "What the fuck?" he growled. Turning the car off in a jerky manner. "Stay here," he ordered.

"Excuse me?" she scowled.

He took a deep breath and turned to her. "Please stay in the car, babe? I'll be right back." Jonny left without another word, but heard her door opening before his was closed. "Of course not," he mumbled to himself. He recognized the driver. Bill Fox. One of his more annoying classmates. In his humble opinion.

"Golden boy? Quest? Up here? I can't believe it…What would your girl think?" he taunted before looking Jessie's way. "Oh…Bannon? Didn't recognize you for a second. What the hell happened to you?"

"Jonny…don't!"

Her scream was his only warning. But Bill was not fast enough. Jonny gripped the back of Bill's neck hard and kicked his knees out from behind. Slammed him face first onto the hood of the car and placed pressure in all the right places. Bill was not going anywhere until Jonny decided to let him go.

"Quest…get off him now," Jessie ordered. She was disturbed but laughed it off. She did not want to further escalate the situation. However, she went into survival mode when she saw Bill's girlfriend getting out of the car while fumbling with her phone. Jessie rushed her and plucked the phone away before she could point it at Jonny.

"What the hell?" Jen screamed. "Give me back my fucking phone."

Jessie took three steps away and spread her arms. "Let's calm down here." She glanced back at Jonny and tried not to let Jen see the worry on her face. Jonny had not let up his grip on Bill. He was intently focused as if she was not even there. "Jonny," she tried. "Baby?"

"Bitch…give me back my phone."

Jessie glared at Jen. "Because that's so important right now?" she yelled. Vindictively tossing the device toward the overlook. Jessie watched it fly. Hoping on second thought that it did not hit anyone on the way down. It felt good though.

"What the…"

"Shut up," Jessie ordered. "Seriously…shut your mouth."

"Get him off me," Bill directed toward Jessie since Jonny was ignoring the request.

"Jonny," Jessie started. "I want to go home. Take me home."

"Apologize to her," Jonny ordered. Punctuating each word by pressing Bill's head further against the hood. "What you said was rude. Be a man and apologize," he said it through his teeth.

"I'm sorry," Bill rushed. "I'm sorry."

Jonny let him go and took a few steps back. Bill popped up and spun around. Jonny could tell he wanted to charge. "Do it," Jonny provoked. "I dare you."

Bill tried to play it off. "You're fucking nuts, Quest."

"Move your car now," Jonny demanded. "Let's go home," he directed more softly at Jessie.

Jessie decided to wait until they were a few miles away before saying anything, but once they were the words did not find her. He had flipped so easily from loving boyfriend to whatever that was.

'He wasn't in the best head space,' she reminded herself. 'And you forced him there…doesn't make it okay though,' she argued with herself.

She watched the blurry lines on the highway flash by and considered her options. "Oh," she jumped when he placed a hand on her thigh. He quickly moved it back to the center console.

Jessie reached for him. "Sorry…you took me by surprise."

"I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized.

"You didn't scare me," she assured. Almost annoyed. "You just surprised me."

"I know when you're afraid," he pressed.

"I'm afraid for you not of you," she admitted. "That wasn't okay. You can't assault someone because they hurt my feelings. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking," he whispered. "I just reacted."

"That's not okay."

"I know."

"I'm sick of having this argument with you."

"I know that too." He turned away. A little ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?" she yelled. "They could go to the cops."

Jonny made a dismissive noise. "They can't prove anything. I saw you take Jen's phone."

Jessie pursed her lips. "You did? You didn't seem aware of outside stimuli."

"I was aware of everything," he responded robotically. "You had her phone and his was sitting in the cup holder of his center console. Jen was too worried about her phone to go for his. It was clear from her body language that she wasn't headed back to the car. The car itself was manufactured in the eighties so no useful technology on board. His car was blocking the only way on or off the hill so no one else was getting up and there's no surveillance on the grounds, which is why everyone goes there in the first place. They can't prove anything unless you plan to corroborate their story."

Jessie rubbed her face and narrowed her eyes. "So it's not wrong if they can't prove it?"

"I didn't say that," he sighed.

"You kinda did," she hugged herself. "I don't wanna be your excuse for that behavior. I won't be. That macho bullshit doesn't make me feel safe. Just to be very clear."

"Baby…"

She cut him off. "I don't want to talk anymore. Just take me home. No…take me to the MetroPlex. I read they were doing a Kubrick retrospective."

"Is that my punishment?" he asked dryly.

She turned away. "No. I don't wanna go home. I really don't wanna talk to you right now either. But I want to stay with you so it seems like a good option."

Jonny drove slowly. He was not looking forward to the movies or breaking the comfortable silence they had fallen into. They were both lost in thought as he pulled into a parking spot near the front entrance. He turned the ignition off and wished he could go back to the last time he had done that. A redo button was what he needed in his life. Especially when he screwed up with her and immediately regretted it. Those were the worst screw ups. They both stared out the window at a group of their peers gathered together and laughing. It was still winter break resulting in more crowds than normal.

"Fuck."

He turned to her when she mumbled the curse under her breath. He watched as she pulled the visor down quickly and started to fix her hair in the mirror and swipe at her eyes.

"You're…"

"DON'T tell me I'm beautiful," she yelled.

"Fine," he agreed. Getting out of the car and sucking in the fresh air. She followed and they fell back into silence as they walked swiftly by their classmates and into the theater. Jonny got in the shortest line and stuffed his hands in his pockets as they waited. His eyes shooting around and looking at everything except her. But he could not help but notice from his peripheral that she seemed to be physically closing in on herself. Clearly uncomfortable with all the noise and the people. He risked the rebuff and pulled her close. Smiling to himself when he felt her relax. "Can I tell you I love you?" he whispered in her ear a little sarcastically.

She squeezed him in response. Once they made it to the front of the line, she pushed in front of him. "The least I can do is pay. I'm not mad enough to make you pay too."

"I knew this was a punishment," he teased.

She elbowed him playfully when he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her temple. "Don't distract me!"

"I'm hoping you'll slip and pick something else," he chuckled. "Want popcorn?"

"I'm not hungry," she offered. "Meet you in there?"

He patted her side with love and then headed for the concession stand.

Jessie made her way to theater two without talking to anyone or even making eye contact. She considered it a successful trek and did not realize she was holding her breath until she released it. Before walking in, she instinctively looked for Jonny. He was like the sun. People surrounded him less than a minute after she left his side. It hurt to watch. Especially the girls. The girls who she suddenly felt inferior to no matter what he said.

'It's not his fault,' she tried to tell herself. 'He can't help it. Stop being so stupid.'

XXX

Jonny was not worried when he got to their seats and found them empty, but after five minutes and three unanswered phone calls he had to actively fight the panic.

'Stop being so stupid.'

He headed to the closest ladies room and waited there for a few more minutes. Until someone he knew came out. "Hey Becca…is Jessie in there? She's not feeling well."

"No…sorry."

"Okay…okay," his mind raced. "Would you mind checking the other one for me, please?"

"Everything good?" she asked casually as they walked to the other end of the theater.

"All good," he nodded. Trying to come off just as casual despite his rapidly beating heart. His veins flooded with anxiety.

She was not in the second one either. Jonny thanked Becca distractedly and then quickly walked back to their seats, but no luck. He wiped at the sweat on his forehead and willed his body to cooperate. He knew nothing was wrong even though the rest of him was not getting the message. He headed to the hallway again and stood by the entrance while calling her cell.

He found himself getting angry when she did not answer. But worry also smacked him in the face. He put himself in her shoes as he looked around. The exit sign thirty feet to his left seemed like a great option if she was looking for an escape route.

He ran for the door with no thought to how it looked and rushed through it. Startling her from the crouched position she had taken against the wall.

Relief came to the forefront when he laid eyes on her. "Christ…Jess." He sank to the ground beside her and closed his eyes. Tears welled and then seeped through. He did not bother wiping them away.

She placed a comforting hand on his knee. "Babe?"

He leaned toward her, but his eyes found her lap instead of her face. Her phone was just sitting there. When the home screen lit up, he noticed all the missed calls. Relief turned to anger fast. He jumped up and kicked a set of wooden pallets leaning against the wall until they clattered to the ground.

"Damnit…Jessie! What the fuck! I can't'…"

"What?" she asked with just as much vitriol. Standing.

"Let's go," he ordered. "NOW. We're going home. Don't argue with me." He walked away.

She followed without thinking. Shocked into forward momentum by his outburst. She focused on his angry shoulders as she walked. They both slammed their doors shut once inside the car. The silence that hung between them was no longer comfortable. Jonny gripped the steering wheel hard and let his head drop below his shoulders. Trying to pass all his frustrations onto the inanimate object.

Jessie crossed her arms and watched him. Waiting for an apology that did not come. It was clear he was upset, but her anger surpassed her sympathy. "You can't talk to me like that," she fumed.

He turned and glared at her. He wanted to be firm, but emotion overwhelmed his voice. "How could you disappear on me like that and then not answer your fucking PHONE?" he accused. "After what we just when through? Why would you do that to me?"

She froze. That had not even crossed her mind when she left. "I…You're being…"

"Stop talking," he cut her off and started the car. "We need to stop talking," he continued softly. "The movies didn't pan out, but you had it right. We need to be together, but we also need quiet for a bit. I think that's…okay. I'm just gonna drive for a while because…I don't know what to say to make it okay, beautiful. And don't tell me not to call you beautiful," he added. "You don't see what I see."

XXX

They drove in silence for hours. He stopped for gas once and tried to get her to eat twice. The sun was almost setting by the time he turned toward home. She started to cry as soon as the Compound gates opened. It succeeded in making him feel like shit. He had gotten on his high horse with Race that morning and had fallen off spectacularly in less than a day.

"Am I allowed to talk now?" she sniffed.

Jonny bit the inside of his mouth hard. "Were you really sitting there all this time thinking you couldn't if you really wanted to?"

"I'm tired."

"Damn it…I'm sorry. I'll get it together, Jess. I promise. I don't have an excuse. Just the truth, which is that I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm really…really sorry, baby. I'm trying to keep steady for you."

"Let me out here," she told him. "And stop apologizing constantly."

"Jess…"

"Stop the car," she interrupted. "I want to get out."

He hit the break until the car came to a full stop. He felt unnecessarily panicked when she unbuckled her seatbelt in a hurry. "Please don't go?" he asked quietly. "I need you to stay."

"I need a few minutes alone," she told him. "Please don't be upset?"

Jonny closed his eyes and pressed into the headrest. "I want off this rollercoaster."

"What?" she cried.

He turned his head and opened his eyes slowly. "I want off this rollercoaster. Don't you?"

"I don't know what you mean?" she swallowed. "Is this about me being exhausting?"

"No," he huffed. "You're not exhausting. You make me feel alive."

"You said…"

"I didn't MEAN IT," he yelled. "Fuck…And I didn't mean to just yell at you either. I'm…I know I keep going from these extreme highs to these extreme lows. I feel it happening like shifting my car into another gear. I was so fucking happy when I woke up this morning and I let the day get away from me. I don't wanna take it out on you. I want off this rollercoaster," he said again and then shrugged. "But I don't wanna get off without you. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes." She understood.

"When I woke up today…I was happy and all I wanted was a normal day."

"I'm not feeling very normal," she looked away.

"I keep saying the wrong thing," he added painfully.

"No…I keep hearing the wrong thing," she sighed.

"Well…aren't we a pair," he laughed.

"Reset?"

He smiled. "I should've thought of that sooner."

She shrugged. "It'd be less effective if we abused it, love."

"True." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Extreme low receding fast," he announced. "Can I keep driving now?"

"Wait. I do want to take a walk. Can you avoid overthinking if I ask to go alone?" she asked.

He nodded. "I can, beautiful. I promise you."

"Can you get out and give me a proper hug, first?"

"We're parked in the middle of the driveway," he teased. Playing hard to get.

"Oh…the horror!" She got out and he obediently followed. Meeting her at the front of the car and opening his arms wide. She buried her head in his neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Thanks for having my back earlier," he whispered into her hair. "Even though I was wrong and acting like an asshole."

"Forever and no matter the circumstance. I have your back, Quest. I promise." She held on tighter and gripped his shirt into fists to put and exclamation point on it. She pulled back slowly a minute later. "Would it be terribly co-dependent if I asked you to come with me now?"

Jonny squeezed her hips in response. "Go…take some time for yourself, baby. Think…and then I want to hear anything and everything you have to say," he smiled charmingly.

"I'm a lucky girl," she kissed him. "But no more assaults on my behalf?"

He nodded. "Do you remember that big fight we had after I punched Ryan Moore for hitting on you too enthusiastically?" he asked diplomatically.

"Yes," she looked down. "It was one of our worst fights. We went days without really speaking." She raised an eyebrow. "Why are you bringing this up when I'm in the process of fully forgiving you?"

"My POINT is that I heard your words the night we made up. I get why you needed me to take a beat and chill out. Think about the long-term. How being a hot head for a few minutes could jeopardize our future. And I've mostly kept my shit together since because of that conversation. I didn't even punch Tyler and he REALLY deserved it. Well…I may have thrown him up against a wall. It's kinda a blur. But I definitely didn't punch him," he rushed. "Anyway…I have a precedent for success. That's what I want you to take away from my rambling."

Her face softened. "You do," she smiled.

"Last week fucked me up," he admitted. "I suppose that's not something I need to vocalize since it's so obvious…but I can and will rein it back in. For you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and swiftly worked her lower lip between his. Kissing him slow and telling him how much she loved him with each breath. Running her hands through his hair. "I trust you, baby. So much."

The next time she stopped to take a breath, he leaned away. "Go," he cleared his throat. "Go before I can't let go," he whispered.

She smiled big. "I'll come find you soon."

"I already miss you," he rolled his eyes. "I'm so whipped."

XXX

Jessie headed straight for the bench behind the lighthouse. It had a great view of the ocean and was one of her favorite places to be at the Compound. She rounded the stone lost in her thoughts and came up short when she realized she was not alone.

"Hi," she offered.

"Hello," Dr. Quest smiled. Sliding over to make room on the bench. "I've gotten in the habit of coming here to watch the sunset these last few months."

Jessie felt decidedly awkward but could not put her finger on a reason. She pushed the hair from her face and crossed her arms before admitting it straight out. "I feel weird but have no idea why."

"I'm certainly not offended," he smiled easily.

She sat down and crossed her legs. "How are you?"

"Worried," he responded. "Since we're being so honest."

"That seems to be going around," she acknowledged. "Everyone being worried about someone else."

"Suppose it would be," he sighed. "And who are you worried about?"

"Subtle," Jessie laughed.

"I have to get my information somehow," he pointed out. "How is he?"

"My rock," she smiled. "But maybe I need to tell him that some more. He's putting so much pressure on himself. I wish I knew how to stop that."

"Side effect of great love I'm afraid."

"So no cure?" she asked.

"None that I'm aware of," he chuckled.

"What do you prescribe, doc?"

Benton laughed again and thought about it for a few minutes. "Offering the same devotion in kind," he started. "Finding ways to make him smile or relax. Preferably both. You don't need my help though. You two know how to make each other happy. You just have to prioritize it over the rest. That's the challenge. And don't beat yourselves up too much over any one particular thing. Give yourselves time."

"Because we're processing so much," she spat.

"It's the truth," he pushed. "Why do you say it like it's a lie?"

She took pause. "Because I wish it was. Because I want to forget and move on."

"A magical snap of the fingers would be nice, huh?"

"Sure would. Thanks for the advice though."

"Anytime sweetheart. I'm here every night at sunset," he grinned.

XXX

Jonny parked and then headed for Race's garage with little enthusiasm. He did not need IRIS to know that was where to go. Even Race was predictable at times. He always retreated there to tinker with his car when he had a lot on his mind.

Working with Race in the garage was usually one of Jonny's favorite things to do. It was a place where he had learned so much and many big conversations were held. This was a conversation Jonny did not want to have though. Especially after being less than forthcoming during their last one.

'This was inevitable,' he told himself. 'Man up.'

Jonny walked in with a trumped-up sense of confidence that he was not sure he could maintain. It deflated a bit when he was met with silence. "Huh." He was surprised, but also relieved. That feeling of temporary reprieve washed over him.

"Kid," Race boomed from behind.

"Jesus," Jonny jumped and then recovered. "Hi. Hello."

"Don't act all awkward," Race dismissed. Walking by him and popping the hood of his car. "It freaks me out."

Jonny watched Race get organized with the tools he planned to use and was quite awkwardly aware of the silence. He had no real plan or path forward. Less convinced by the minute that Jessie would really leave with him anyway. For the first time in a long time he found himself wondering if avoidance was the way to go.

'Fuck this day,' he thought.

"I'm sorry for telling you to go fuck yourself this morning," Jonny began with an apology.

"You're not even the first person to tell me to fuck off this week," Race broke the quiet from under the hood. "It's forgotten."

"Thanks."

"So where were you two all day?" Race asked. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me not to track you down?"

Jonny stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I have an inkling. You expect me to believe you weren't tracking our movements all day though?"

Race did not respond to that which gave Jonny his answer. "So, what's your new angle?" he asked instead. "I've been waiting all day for this one."

Jonny stared at the back of Race's head for a moment. It was a bit easier without the stare down.

"No angle," Jonny shook his head. "This isn't a game to me."

"Never was a game," Race rebutted. "When has that stopped you from trying to negotiate with me for another inch with her?"

"You make me sound like a real asshole…"

"I don't and you're not," Race interrupted casually. Straightening and wiping at his hands with an old wash rag. "I've never thought that. Did you two talk more?"

Jonny looked down and then away. "Yes."

"And?"

"Nothing is decided a hundred percent," Jonny offered vaguely. "But if she decides to leave…I'm leaving with her," he added with finality. Race closed his eyes and shook his head. "I know you think it's a mistake," Jonny whispered. "But it doesn't feel like a mistake to me."

"I think rushing is a mistake," Race agreed. "And I am hoping that speaking up makes one of you press pause and reconsider."

"There's nothing to reconsider," Jonny offered calmly. "She told me that she needs me. What do you expect me to consider when she tells me that?"

"Thank you for taking such good care of her," Race offered.

"But?"

"I'll tell you what I told her," Race started. "Once you go down this road, walking it back…it'll be near impossible to do that without causing damage. Damage that I don't think you want to cause, kid."

Jonny laughed a little. "I learned to live with that risk a long time ago, man. I carry it around with me like a second skin. I know she could realize at any moment that she's too good for me. I used to let those thoughts cripple me. I don't any longer. I live in the moment and I try to keep her there with me."

Race smirked. "I don't believe for one second you haven't planned out the next five years in your head…"

Jonny shrugged and smiled softly. "She's rubbed off on me. So have you…I know how to pivot."

"You do," Race nodded.

"She's worth the risk," Jonny grinned. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"You're good."

Jonny laughed. "Not a game, remember?"

"Right. Sure. How was she today?" Race sidetracked. Leaning against the car and crossing his arms.

Jonny thought about it for a moment genuinely. "Arguably…better than me," he huffed. "She's amazing."

"It's okay not to be okay. Seriously," Race told him. "That's a huge part of the reason I think you two should…"

Jonny cut him off. "That doesn't help."

"What can I do to help?"

"Don't make me choose?" Jonny asked quietly. "I really don't want to."

"I'm not asking you to," Race promised.

Jonny's face scrunched up. "You are though."

"I can't snap my fingers and become comfortable with the idea of you two sharing a room under this roof or shacking up together across the country at this stage of your lives. It's not natural for a father to be comfortable with that, Jonny. I'm sorry…call me a cave man, but I'm not that progressive, okay?"

Jonny nodded, but stayed quiet. They were at an impasse and he did not have the energy to argue. They could argue forever. Nothing would change until one of them yielded, which neither was inclined to do.

"You're so young…and before you get angry…I'm not dismissing your feelings, kid. I know they're real. But I'm pointing out that your relative lack of life experience can make this kind of decision…can make it hard to choose what's best long term."

"Don't I have to live to get said experience?" Jonny asked logically.

"Yeah," Race agreed. "Guess I'm having trouble letting go of the instinct to protect you both from life."

"I don't need you to protect me from her," Jonny smiled slowly. "She's either gonna break my heart eventually or not. And you definitely don't need to protect her from me."

Race gave him the side eye. "I have to protect her from everyone and everything. Including you. Nothing personal."

"Impossible not to take that personal. But understood," Jonny agreed.

"Well…we both knew this day would come," Race released a long breath. The realization fully hitting him that Jonny was not going to budge either. "Our stubborn tendencies toward her going in different directions," he clarified.

"So…what do we do now?" Jonny asked.

Race closed his eyes again. He did not like the answer. "I suppose you have to choose."

"I choose her," Jonny responded without hesitation.

"Good," Race grinned and then left the room without another word.

"What the fuck was that?" Jonny mumbled to himself. Unsure if they had resolved anything.

XXX

Jessie found him on her balcony. On her lounger and under the blanket her grandmother had made her. She leaned against the sliding door and watched him for a moment. Letting all the love she felt for him wash over her. "I thought you hated that blanket?" she asked softly.

He smiled at her just as softly. "I thought girls were gross when I was six too," he shrugged. "Things change. Get under here," he lifted the blanket and his eyebrows jumped. She curled up next to him happily. "We should get an apartment with a balcony," he mused. "Only one lounger though. We could sit out like this every night."

"So…my dad didn't change your mind?" she asked. Rubbing his chest with her fingertips only.

"Nope," he laughed. "Even if he had…one look at you and I'd be a goner again, baby."

"Such a smooth talker."

"Just telling my truth."

"Are you and my dad good?" she asked next. He could hear the worry in her voice.

"Fine," he assured. "We understand each other. I don't think he expected me to change my mind. Just wanted me to listen."

"What did you tell him?" she asked curiously.

"That I go if you go and I stay if you stay," he kissed her forehead. "It's your call, Jess. Whatever you want I'm cool with. I want to be where you are. That's all, love."

"Part of me wants to stay," she whispered. She could feel the fabric of his shirt on her lips as she spoke. Nervous despite his assurances.

"Then we stay," he said simply. Stroking her hair.

"You wouldn't be disappointed?" she pushed. "I'm sorry for being so uncertain. I know you're gonna say it's fine, babe. But…I feel bad for flip flopping on you."

"I was starting to look forward to falling asleep with you every night, but staying here would be fun too," he mewled. Squeezing her hip suggestively. "Now that your dad officially knows about us…we'd need to get creative."

"Is that all you think about?" she teased. Put immediately at ease by his easy response.

"Only ninety percent of the time," he chuckled. "I am a guy, ya know."

"One of my favorite things about you," she laughed.

"Tell me why you want to stay?" he asked.

"I said I was thinking about it," she corrected.

Jonny rolled his eyes. "Tell me why you're thinking about it?"

"My dad made some good points about rushing," she offered.

"He did," Jonny agreed. "But that's only part of it?"

"That's only part of it," she admitted. Licking her lips before continuing. "I want to be completely honest with you."

Jonny took a deep breath. "I want that too, Jess. Even if you think the truth will hurt."

"It's the way you reacted today. To Bill and to not being able to find me for a minute," she held her breath and waited.

"It was more like ten minutes," he defended.

"Babe…I'm not mad and I believe you will get it under control, but I also think doing so will be easier here. I'm worried that in a brand-new city you won't be able to relax. That you'll look at every person as a potential threat. Especially after what just happened."

"Everyone IS a potential threat," he huffed like it was obvious.

"I don't want a bodyguard," she shot back. "I want a boyfriend."

"I'm hardwired for both, babe."

"I know," she smiled. "But I don't think it's crazy to want my boyfriend first."

"It's not," he grinned. "And you're right. It'll be easier for me in Rockport. Knowing with certainty that you're safer here."

She released a long breath. "That felt too easy."

"Did you expect me to be unreasonable, Jess?"

"I wouldn't have blamed you," she admitted. Repositioning herself to press her face into his neck. "I love you."

"I think you'll find that I'm amazingly reasonable when you tell me exactly what you're thinking," he told her. "I get myself in trouble when I'm left guessing…so how was your walk?"

"Short," she told him. "I ran into your dad at my favorite bench and we talked for a while."

"That's nice. Anything interesting come up?" Jonny asked.

"He said I should give you more blow jobs," she answered with a straight face.

Jonny laughed loudly. A big belly laugh that he desperately needed. "I can't wait to hear this explanation."

Jessie sat up in the lounger abruptly and the blanket fell around her waist. She pushed his legs apart and then deliberately kneeled between them.

"Baby?" he smirked.

"Those may not have been his exact words," she whispered. Pressing her palm against the front of his jeans and rubbing until he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "He said…"

"Please stop talking about my dad," he interrupted.

She ignored him. "…that I should help you relax." She used both hands to unbutton and unzip his jeans. Jonny's eyes shot open, but they were glazed.

"Doubt this was his intention," he breathed heavily.

"I may have taken some liberties in my interpretation," she flirted. Pushing at his clothes until she had freed him. She stared at him for a long moment with her hands planted on his upper thighs.

"Here?" he moaned.

"Anywhere with you." She bent over and licked him. Then she pulled the blanket over her head and took him deeper.

Jonny let one foot roll off the lounger and his eyes roll back. He needed to have one foot planted on the ground. "Jess."

"Shh," she moaned around him.

Jonny watched her move beneath the blanket for a minute and then could resist no longer. His hands searched blindly until he found her neck. He wrapped them around her skin gently as she moved over him eagerly. What they were doing was reckless and did not make complete sense to him, but his other senses overwhelmed him. Letting the shitty day fall away. His eyes crossed as he stared up at the sky while she added pressure. "Fuck…baby."

"I love you," she mumbled.

"I want inside you," he begged.

She crawled up him slowly. Tipping his head back and devouring his mouth once she was in his lap. Purposely grinding her hips against his erection between them. Jonny pushed her head back when he needed to catch his breath. Slipping his hands between them to work on her pants. They awkwardly removed them together. Normally that would have them laughing, but instead they were both intensely focused on the same goal. Getting her naked and connecting.

"Why are you still dressed?" she panted as she sank down on him.

Jonny grabbed for the blanket and covered her a bit. "This is your show, baby. Want me to get undressed?" His hands were planted on her hips. Helping her move.

"No," she tossed her head back briefly. "You feel too good." Then she found his lips again. They kissed passionately and made love out in the open.

XXX

He felt her skin react to the cold and instinctively pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

She stilled her lips against his to get some much needed air but did not give him any space. She stared at him like she was seeing him for the first time. Breathing him in like the cool air surrounding her. "I love the way you look at me," she admitted.

"I wish you could see what I see," he whispered. She kissed him again and had no plans to ever stop. He leaned back to check in after a few minutes. "Too cold?"

"No. Feels good," she smiled.

"You make me so happy," he told her.

"And relaxed?" she flirted.

"More than," he groaned. "I could fall asleep right here."

"Mmm…I really don't want to move either, but we should get cleaned up. Should probably make an appearance at dinner too," she continued. "BUT…I wouldn't be opposed to skipping. Just going to bed early. I could easily get on board with curling up next to you and passing out for ten hours. What do you say?"

Jonny sighed deeply. "I promised to sleep in my own bed tonight" He was seriously regretting those words.

"Okay," she sighed too. Then she leaned over to kiss his ear. "I didn't promise to sleep in mine, babe."

"True," he laughed. "I love a good loophole."

"And it's a good excuse to get creative," she added as Jonny pushed the hair from her eyes. "Why do you look so guilty?"

Jonny looked away for a moment. "Your dad was pretty clear with me," he explained. "He doesn't want us sleeping in the same bed under this roof."

"A reason in the plus column for leaving?" she asked. Only half kidding.

"Probably not the most mature reason," he added.

"I suppose."

"Adulting is hard."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I like figuring things out with you though."

"It's pretty fucking great," he nodded. "How are you?" he asked next. Like she had earlier. "How are you really, Jess?"

"You getting at something specific, Quest?"

"No," he responded after a long minute.

"Don't lie," she whispered. No accusation in her voice.

"I'm enjoying this and just realized I don't wanna ruin it," he grinned.

"You plan on ruining it?" she asked.

"I never PLAN on it," he teased.

"Right now is your perfect window," she informed. "I won't take anything the wrong way."

"Is that so?"

"Yep. The post-orgasm relaxation window. Short window though, babe. Don't blow it," she warned.

"We've had a lot of sex in the last forty hours," he blurted out.

"We have," she agreed.

"Not a complaint obviously," he rushed. "Just checking in. I'm…not making my point here…"

"Thank you," she interrupted. "I know why you're worried and thank you. But don't worry about this. I promise I'm not using it as a distraction. Of course, there's part of me that…" she trailed off and he waited patiently for her to continue. "I was drugged up for most of that nightmare, but in my lucid memories…when I strip away all the false bravado I tried to maintain…I felt unsafe, I had no control and I was afraid that I'd never see my family again. And those feelings are still fresh. I can't sit here and say they aren't influencing my actions at all. That would be ridiculous. But being with you makes me feel the exact opposite of all those bad feelings so I really don't want to overanalyze it. Okay?"

"Deal."

She kissed him firmly. "Also, I deprived myself of your dick for three months, remember?"

"I do remember," he said emphatically.

"So, I was always planning to jump you constantly this week," she finished. "Just saying."

"Wow." That made him laugh out loud. "I really love you."

"I really love you too," she chuckled.

"How are you otherwise?" he pushed.

"Okay," she scratched his face lightly. "As long as I don't think about it too long…or look in a mirror…or… you know," she paused and ran a hand over her arm. Where one of her bandages had come loose.

Jonny carried her inside at that. Heading straight for her bathroom and depositing her on the open counterspace. He straightened his clothes and she instinctively crossed her legs. Feeling exposed as he rummaged through her cabinets until he found some ointment and clean bandages. She hugged her arm close when he went for the loose one.

"What're you doing, baby?"

"Helping you change these," he shrugged.

"I can do it myself," she shot back. Tensing instinctively. She went to hop off the counter but stopped when he placed a hand on her knee.

"Let me?" he asked gently.

She leaned away until she felt the coolness of the mirror on her back. Nodding yes slowly and then closing her eyes. He changed them with care. Massaging each red mark with ointment before covering them with bandages. Uncrossing her legs and washing between them. Silent tears rolled down her face as he worked. She hated her changed reality but loved him even more for acting like he did not care. She felt vulnerable and exposed, but somehow still comfortable in her new skin. She opened her eyes when his hands moved to her face. Thumbs wiping away the wetness.

"I love you desperately," he whispered.

"You're the one who's magic," she whispered back.

"If you say so," he grinned. Pulling her off the counter and into his arms.

He held on tight and she clung to him like a lifeline. "We should stay."

"We should stay," he agreed. Kissing her hair.

They both groaned in annoyance and let the other go when the knock on her door came. "On second thought…"

Jonny rolled his eyes playfully before handing her the robe hanging on her door. "I'll get it. Love."

"More love."

"We're so annoying…"

She chuckled as she closed the door for some privacy.

Jonny's smiled stayed with him as he opened the door to find Race there with arms crossed.

"Why's the damn door locked?" he fired off.

"Hello to you too," Jonny's smile dropped. "I was just helping change her bandages, man." Jonny dropped his shoulders and walked back into the room. An unenthusiastic invitation for Race to follow. He supposed he should feel guilty but could not summon the feeling. What she needed was most important. He sat on the bed and waited for her. An awkward silence formed that he did not care to break.

Race felt anger simmering beneath the surface. He tried to fight it off, but the locked door and the casual way Jonny sat on her bed made it difficult. He also tried to recall if they were acting differently. Or was it that he was just seeing their actions through different lens? The one where he knew they were sleeping together. He was not sure. His indecisiveness waned when she emerged from the bathroom though. It was clear she had been crying and he immediately softened.

"How are you, sweetheart?"

"Hi dad."

"I came to grab you two for dinner. Mrs. Evans cooked up a feast," Race announced.

"Sounds great," Jonny piped in. "We'll be down in a minute."

Jessie hugged herself tighter. "Actually…I'm gonna turn in early."

"You need to eat," Race and Jonny said simultaneously.

Jessie smiled and shook her head. "I want to go to bed."

"You haven't eaten since breakfast," Jonny accused.

Jessie gave him a pointed stare. "I don't need you to monitor my food intake. If I was hungry…I'd eat. I'm tired, Quest."

"Alright," he sighed. "Can you give us a minute?" he directed at Race. "I'll be down in a few."

"Yeah," Race nodded. "Get some rest, Jess."

Jessie waited until they were alone again and then moved to stand between his legs. Wrapping her arms around his neck. "I don't need a lecture."

"Want me to bring you something? Chocolate?"

"No," she kissed him. "I am ready for bed. You wore me out," she teased.

Jonny stood and pulled her close again. "You know where to find me if you need me, baby."

Jessie arched away to see his face. "You're really not coming back?" she asked. Eyes huge.

His heart dropped. "Don't look at me like that. It's not fair. I promised."

"Please?"

"Jess…"

"You're right," she closed her eyes quickly. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to put you in the middle."

He gave her a long kiss but did not try to deepen it. "I'd choose you if you did," he said against her lips.

"I know," she assured.

XXX

Jonny was not particularly looking forward to dinner once Jessie decided not to attend, but his attitude changed fast. It felt like old times. Had been months since he was around the table with his father, brother and a few Bannons. It was nice to see Race so happy even though he missed his Bannon.

"Son…it'll be a bit chilly, but we can take the boat out tomorrow if you want?" his father offered.

Jonny perked up. Aching for the normal day he had woken up wanting. "Yeah…I'm sure Jess would love that too. She likes the cold air."

"Always has," Estella offered with a wistful smile. "I could tell you a few stories. A few heart attacks she gave me in the early years…"

Jonny grinned just picturing a young Jessie. "I'd like that a lot," he responded.

"Tomorrow," she promised. "You look exhausted."

Jonny nodded. He was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He and Jess were up late the night before and it had been another emotionally draining day. He looked around the table quickly. Even though he had been very excited about the idea of getting out on his own with her, staying and reconnecting with everyone felt right. He half wished he could convince Hadji to take a semester off also.

"Hey Hadj," he started. "I need to run a few errands in town tomorrow morning. Want to come with me and grab breakfast? Just us? It's been a while."

"Definitely."

"I'm actually gonna turn in early," Jonny announced a few minutes later.

"Before dessert?" his father admonished. "So unlike you…"

"I know," Jonny laughed. Standing quickly anyway. But all he wanted to do was check in on Jessie and then go right to sleep. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

He heard himself being followed before Race fell in lock step beside him. He internalized his eye roll. "I'm headed to my own bed," he promised. Unsuccessful in keeping the annoyance from his voice. He did not want to go another round with Race and had even less interest in a babysitter.

"I trust you," Race offered. "I just want to check on her. Can you blame me?"

"Nope."

Race wanted to ask if they had talked more about leaving but knew coming right out with it was the wrong move. Skipping dessert was not the only uncharacteristic thing the kid was doing. Acting standoffish was quite new.

"When do you plan on speaking with your father?" Race tried.

Jonny stopped walking and lowered his voice before responding. "When she figures out what she really wants. Last night…she told me she wanted to go. Tonight…she told me she wanted to stay. I don't know what she'll say tomorrow. But my answer is the same regardless. That's all I have to say about it really."

"Understood."

They parted ways with no more words. Race walking into Jessie's room and Jonny walking into his. Jonny trying not to get jealous that Race was the one checking on her instead. A boundary they had walked for years…a boundary that was becoming so blurred because of the heightened situation. He wanted to keep fighting for her even though the fight was over. Even though fighting with Race would only make things harder.

He was so distracted by the thought that it took him a moment to register that she was asleep in his bed. He slumped against the nearest wall and took her in. It was clear she had cried herself to sleep.

'Okay,' he thought in resignation. 'Fight it is, beautiful.'

Race walked in uninvited, but Jonny kept his eyes on her face instead. "I didn't know she was in here, man."

"Okay," Race acknowledged.

"I'll sleep on the floor," Jonny added.

"You'll sleep in one of the many guest rooms in this Compound," Race countered.

"No," Jonny closed his eyes tight. "I'm not leaving," he said with finality and could feel the anger coming off Race in waves. Half expecting to be dragged from the room.

"Jonny," Race raged and then regulated his tone and just offered a threat instead. "If I walk up here later and your door is not open…I may toss you off the boat tomorrow."

Jonny watched him walk out and then turned back to his girl.

"Baby," he smiled. "You're gonna get me killed."