Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by
Just wasting time
Trying to prove who's right
And if it all goes crashing into the sea
Like ships in the night letting cannonballs fly
Say what you mean and it turns to a fight
Fists fly from my mouth as it turns south

Ships In The Night – Matt Kearney

How was it that he haunted her imagination so persistently? What could it be? Why did she care for what he thought, in spite of all her pride… in spite of herself?

Why did she tremble, and hide her face in the pillow that night and the nights following? What strong feeling had overtaken her at last?

She prayed to God for understanding and for peace of mind, but neither came.

Food couldn't evoke any appetite, her paintings were left as untouched as they were the day he walked in. Even books she was really invested in couldn't hold her attention for more than an hour before her thoughts went to the failed raid and the proposal again.

She went through stages of hating Mr Thornton for proposing and hating herself for reacting the way she did. She hated herself for walking towards the harbour, for going to that ship, for saving him, for refusing him. Time and time again she was dissatisfied with what had happened, and yet she could never settle on what would have been a better way for things to go.

She felt young and small, unprepared to deal with the weight of everything. She remembered how just a couple of months ago, she had been prepared to live a noble life like any heroine she had heard of. Back then it had seemed like it could be accomplished by praying and willing herself to do good and become noble. But now she had failed. She hadn't been noble. She had been petulant, selfish and judgemental. She held her own morals in the highest regard and had looked down on everyone with a different set of morals, without wondering whether hers were indeed the best ones, or whether others couldn't be just as good. She had loathed Mr Thornton's opinions only because of his position of power. The spirit of commerce didn't upset her as much now that she was used to it and had a better understanding of it. And in that growing understanding, she'd come to accept that Mr Thornton was definitely one of the better company owners. Her father had told her she had been judgemental and biased because she didn't know nor understood it, and Mr Thornton had said as much himself, but she hadn't listened.

And now she had ruined her relationship with her father's friend forever. And as much as that felt like a world altering event after which her life couldn't go on as it had before, life did go on.

February came around and life went on. The day before each meeting a note arrived for Mr Hale announcing that Mr Thornton was too busy to make time for a session. A basket of fruit for Mrs Hale accompanied each note, and this continual sign of kindness didn't help Margaret's crushing sense of guilt the slightest.

After just a bit under two weeks since the proposal happened, Mary invited her over for tea.

'Just some of the ladies and a couple of gentlemen, almost all men you are acquainted with are too busy with work as the new season is fast approaching. But have no worry, we'll be supervised.'

Margaret prayed it was true, since that would mean Mr Thornton wasn't lying to her father in an attempt to avoid her and it would mean she could see her friends without having to undergo the anxiety of facing Mr Thornton.

x.X.x

'Oh Margaret, there you are, how delightful. Please come in! Our housemaid has just finished the scones. Have you ever tried our regional jams? They're from last season of course, but it was a nice hot summer so they're delightful.'

Margaret was guided into a pretty lavender sitting room. Present were Mary, her younger sister Georgiana Gallagher, ladies Caroline Montagu and her sister Mrs Georgiana Baillie, and Catherine De Vere. The Montagu ladies were visiting the city with the governess of the first, husband and baby of the second, their uncle Lord Frederick Montagu and their brother the future duke of Manchester. Their father was still in Jamaica and they couldn't go anywhere with their mother anymore, after her scandal with the footman had become well known.

The two ladies were pretty and pleasant though, at twenty-one and twenty-two. Mrs Georgiana had taken her husband and baby with her, an adorable baby just under six months.

Georgina Gallagher was a fifteen year old girl, too young for society but old and serious enough for tea and Catherine De Vere was a friend of Mary from school. At an age of 19 she was the most gorgeous creature Margaret had ever seen, even more gorgeous than miss Latimer as Catherine's temperament was very sweet and kind. She was from a good family of landed gentry, though neither very rich nor influential.

The assembly managed to debunk Margaret's belief that a group of women could only talk about frivolous things like music, household, children and fashion. Instead they talked about philosophy and the bills which had been passed in parliament. They were all particularly opinionated on the Liverpool and Manchester Railway Company's Henry Booth whose survey had been rejected a day's prior on the 8th of February. They were all worried about the cost, but couldn't deny the advantages which a railway connection between Liverpool and Manchester could bring for the trade.

'I'm so relieved you haven't invited Miss Latimer, Mary. I never look forward to meeting her. I'm always fearing she'll turn on me next, I so have to watch my words when she's around.'

'Well, I hardly could, after what happened three days ago', Mary laughed. Sir Edward grinned, but it left Margaret, and the two Carlisle ladies wondering.

'How so, what happened?'

'You haven't heard? You of all people, Margaret?' Mary asked, as she now believed they were on first name base, at least in private, since that fateful night some months ago.

'Heard what? Why should I know in particular?'

'Why, because it is about you', said sir Edward.

'I don't and I can hardly understand how I could be involved. Can you please explain?'

'Yes, of course. So, Miss Latimer, Miss Fanny and some other ladies were at a seamstress to have their dresses for the Spring Ball fitted-'

'Oh I forgot! Miss Hale, I forgot to invite you. You are invited of course! It is my party, I host it, now that I see you I realize I have forgotten you. My dear, I swear it isn't for a lack of affection for your family. Please, you must come. It is on the 28th of February. Do come.'

'I shall ask at home, but rest assured I don't feel insulted, Sir Edward.'

'Good.'

'Alright, now to continue', decided Mary, 'Apparently Miss Latimer had heard some kind of rumour about you being present at the strike and clinging to Mr Thornton to try and force him to marry you. All false of course, and then she said some other nasty things. Mr Thornton just so happened to walk past – and this is where it gets interesting, since we all know Miss Latimer has been eying Mr Thornton as a potential husband – he completely shuts her down and points out her falsehoods. He immediately took Miss Fanny with him to go home! Apparently he visited Mr Latimer the very same evening to inform him that he had overheard his daughter spreading falsehoods and tarnishing the reputation of not only him, but you too! He'd heard it not only himself, but apparently other people had heard her gossiping about you on other occasions as well. Mr Latimer was absolutely mortified! He often works together with Mr Thornton and she had shamed his partner. Not only that but even more people had heard her lie. Now I've heard he is determined to send her away to a nunnery to remind her of the Christian values for a year, until the whole drama has passed. But no matter how long she'll be there, one thing is sure, she won't be marrying Mr Thornton.'

'Dear God.'

'Are you joking? A year without her? That's amazing, she always has something nasty to say about my dress and always acts so condescending', little Georgiana said.

'Well, I must admit I won't miss her', laughed Sir Edward.

'That was indeed no way for a Christian to behave, oh poor Miss Hale, had you truly no idea? How horrible, a lady's reputation is so valuable and once tarnished almost unrestorable. How I pity you, poor thing. You don't strike me as someone who would ever wilfully ensnare a man.'

'I wouldn't. That's awful. I was there on the day of the riot, that's true, but I did nothing of the like. I only called on the workers to lay down their arms for their own sake, as it could get them into trouble with the law. I never would've draped myself around Mr Thornton in an attempt to secure him. How repulsive.'

'Your intentions are always pure, Miss Hale, we know where your heart lies. You always act for the greater good and care deeply about the little people', Sir Edward comforted her.

'Yes indeed. It sounds very unlike you. I was astounded when I heard that', Mary agreed.

'Don't mind it, at least she was caught. I'm glad she isn't getting away with this', Little Georgiana replied.

The conversation carried on, but Margaret was occupied. He'd defended her, and had gone out of his way to do so, even when he owed her nothing, even when she had spit on his heart.

x.X.x

Storms with flashing lightning and thunder which made windows creak filled the two intervening weeks, melting away all traces of ice and snow in the city.

All men were now in the final phase of their contracts for the coming year. Higgins worked long days at the docks, preparing the ships for their long travels. The company owners were to visit some other tradesmen on the island and the continent to finish some deals and await quicker news of their boats. They would come back by the end of April or the early weeks of May, once their boats had safely survived the first leg of their travel to the most southern point of Africa.

Sir Edward had sent written invites for the Goodbye Party to the Hale family since all printed invites had been sent days prior, and it had been decided they would all go, including Mrs Hale if she was well enough on the day itself.*

But as the day approached, Margaret's dread increased.

To be in the same room as Mr Thornton, to talk with him since society expected them to behave normally… She didn't know whether she would be able to do it.

She'd been losing sleep for weeks and though their conversation in its entirety replayed itself in her nightmares, the words: "Now I love, and will love", haunted her most.

She was scared of him.

She hated herself.

She dreaded the mere prospect of seeing him.

And as if all of that hadn't been enough her gush of blood arrived just days before, and they left her feeling very faint and fatigued. It was not a great condition for a ball, yet she knew it was no good enough reason to excuse herself.

x.X.x

Two days later the time had come. Though Margaret didn't feel any better she was put in a tub, her hair was pinned with pearls and she was put in a butterscotch coloured dress and a post chaise was called for her and her father. Mrs Hale decided she wasn't in good enough health after all.

They were warmly received by Sir Edward and were guided towards the dance hall. Some of the younger ladies and men were already happily dancing, the sound of the music mixed with the gentle shuffling of everyone on their dancing shoes managed to bring a smile to her face despite her intentions not to dance. She found Mary, the Montagu ladies and miss De Vere. They all decided to talk while watching the dancers. The faces of the dancers were already quite flushed. Margaret felt a slight pity for all the men in the hot room having to dance in their full costume while the ladies wore their short-sleeved light dresses. They remarked on the muslins, silks and hairdo's of the young ladies, and Mary and Miss De Vere named a few Margaret and the other ladies hadn't seen before. It was a fashionable but large ball. Sir Edward had invited the most important families in employ of each trading business, alongside some Liverpudlian company owners who were befriended with the company owners, like the family of Mary's fiancé. An interesting addition were Sir Edward's London friends. They were a fashionable yet gay lot who were all on the dancefloor. The tailcoats of the men were sublime shiny reds and blues, under which they wore rich patterns with gold and silver embroidery with shiny big buttons. The ladies were magnificent in their darker dresses. They wore sapphire blue, mustard yellow and Turkey red, making them stand out amongst the clouds of pastel coloured dresses of the local young ladies. Their skirts were wider, the bottoms adorned with pleads, beading and thick ribbons. Their puffed sleeves were even larger than Margaret's had been during the holiday ball. Their shoulders were completely bare, drawing attention to the necklaces which were draped around their necks. Their curls were a lot more elaborate compared to the way most girls had their hair done. The bun on the back of their heads was a looped knot worn high on top of the head, under which intricate braids were pinned together with delicate metal flowercombs. London fashion had developed even quicker than Margaret had suspected, or perhaps they had been even richer and more fashionable than the ladies Margaret had known.

A little over an hour after they'd arrived, a butler announced dinner would be served.

Her father was seated near Mr Thornton and some of his other pupils who all enthusiastically involved him in their conversation. It was a relief to Margaret that Mr Thornton had indeed not decided to avoid or ignore her father. In fact, he seemed to address Mr Hale quite a lot.

Perhaps it had indeed been his work keeping him from attending meetings.

She herself was seated near Mary and some other women she'd met before, along with some of the other company owners. The seating placement was indeed well put together to insure everyone sat beside people they liked, and some they knew less well to keep the conversation interesting.

There were no meat courses, since Sir Edward wished to celebrate spring by using only fish and shellfish. They were served à la Française and were a stunning view to see. Fish soup, lobster crème, pastries and pies decorated with wonderful flower and leaf motives, jellies, grilled salmon, shellfish in garlic butter sauce, the kitchen had outdone itself. And with the lemons and abundance of green vegetables and fruits, the whole tasted fresh and light.

Desserts were to be served later on, once the guests had danced and exhausted some of their energy. The added sugar of the desserts would be warmly welcomed by then.

However, Margaret's stomach turned at the thought of dancing and jumping for over eight minutes per dance. Sitting straight at dinner had already been a challenge. She'd been without corset the last two days, since it upset her stomach, but now she had to suffer through it.

She excused herself and went in search of a more quiet living or drawing room where she could recover from the hours of sitting upright during dinner.

x.X.x

Her stomach pain was building and she wished for nothing more than to curl up between her bed covers and beg for sleep to take her. She noticed a light coming out of a room close to the front door.

Finally.

A slim lady dressed in white exited the room.

'Oh!'

'Oh, I thought everyone was still at dinner!'

'They are – most of them. I apologize, I wrongly assumed guests were free to take a walk towards a sitting room for some quiet after dinner.'

'They are. You are!'

Her black hair must have been very long since the bun on her head and the braids surrounding it were incredibly thick.

'Miss Margaret Hale', Margaret decided.

The lady looked at her for a couple of seconds, her hands wringing together where she held them in front of her stomach.

'Lady Elisabeth…' The lady took a long pause, her hands rubbing her own arms, 'Aldridge, Elisabeth Aldridge.'

'Are- Are you? I thought Sir Aldridge was unmarried?'

'Oh dear, no. He is unmarried. The thought… I'm his sister.'

'Pleased to make your acquaintance.'

'Pleased to make yours … Miss are you alright?'

Another violent stab had managed to take Margaret by surprising, causing her hand to fly towards her belly as her shoulders slightly hunched over.

'I'm perfectly alright. It's nothing of consequence.'

'Are you – you can't be, you're unmarried.'

'It's, it's just… Well… You know.'

'Oh, don't you have anything with you to alleviate the pain? I'm afraid since I didn't intend on visiting the ball I don't have my reticule on me. It usually has something in it to alleviate any aches. You could come with me towards my rooms? If you'd like.'

Margaret felt inclined to decline. She barely knew this lady, and it seemed strange to immediately accompany her towards her personal drawing room. Besides, she didn't resemble Sir Edward in the slightest. Though Margaret doubted someone would manage to get into his house and dress up in such a fine dress without being noticed by the servants.

'Oh, I wouldn't want you to feel the need to go upstairs, Miss. Please, I'll be alright.'

'As I've said, I just wanted to take a small look. I don't feel comfortable in big companies. I've stolen my glances when everyone was dancing and eating. I just came downstairs to retrieve my book. Come', the lady said and with a smile she took a step on the magnificent wooden stairs.

Margaret didn't have it in her to fight her, and followed her upstairs.

'It's a fine party your brother is hosting.'

'It is, isn't it? He's a great host but I must admit he's quite bad at organizing things like this. Every time again I assure him I'll take care of it, and each time again he insists on helping out. But the poor thing hasn't got a clue on how much of each dish needs to be made when he invites a certain amount of gets… He also hasn't got a clue how many fish need to be bought to go into a single soup. And then the practicalities like the music. Of course, we ladies know that there is a certain order in which melodies need to be played. People won't feel inclined to do a very energetic dance right at the beginning of the ball… They still feel to awkward! And a complicated dance is better not put at the very end, as you know', she laughed.

'No, I suppose not. You know a lot about balls for someone who doesn't enjoy them.'

'Oh I do enjoy them. I love to dance and eat and dress up! But I prefer more intimate gatherings with people I know. A big company leaves too much room for people to stare and gossip. But I understand my brother, he doesn't want to exclude or cause offence by not sending an invite to certain people. He was absolutely mortified a couple of weeks ago. He came into the house and the first thing that left his mouth was that he had met someone and realized he'd forgotten their family.'

Margaret bit her lip to refrain from letting on that the story was about her family.

'He said something about how he couldn't understand how he'd forgotten them. Apparently the father was a scholar who taught many of the younger sons and company owners and he quite enjoyed to talk with the young girl, pure friendship of course… Hake? Haim? Haine? Hale… Wait, I beg your pardon. What did you say your name was again?'

'It's… Margaret Hale.'

'Oh dear! And you didn't say anything. Now I feel even more embarrassed.'

'You didn't know me, you couldn't have reminded him.'

'Yes, but here I am talking about you without being aware of it! Oh well, at least you know my brother was deeply ashamed he forgot you.'

The lady opened a door. In the room was a large wooden table with a large candelabra. The room was furnished with lots of blue shades and on the wall hung a lovely textured blue paper with flower motif. The room looked wealthy and cosy and smelled of roses. Margaret noticed an white ceramic essential oil burner in the corner. A young maid sat in a comfortable chair near the window, embroidering a delicate fabric. She gave a small nod towards Margaret.

'Please sit down, I'll come to you in just a minute.'

She returned with two dark bottles: Dover's Powder and Laudanum tincture.

'If you want some?'

Margaret was in fact very much in want for something to end the pain, but didn't wish to use a medicine again. They made her drowsy and tired and less careful with her words while she already felt that simply being awake and walking around commanded much of her energy in her weakened state. Yet, she couldn't possibly face Mr Thornton if she felt like she could double over any instant. Lady Aldridge had already gone through the effort of taking her upstairs and fetching her these bottles. She couldn't refuse.

'Perhaps a little Laudanum. Only a little though, I need to remain awake for some time still', Margaret tried with a smile.

'Yes, they make me drowsy too, a horrible side effect if I'm simply looking for something to alleviate my complaints. Anne, fetch Miss Hale a glass of sweet white wine please.'

The maid nodded and left the room.

'So, what do you think of the party?' the lady asked.

'Oh, it's magnificent. The dinner was incredibly lavish and stunning to look at. I thought it especially clever how only fish were used. And the music was very good as well.'

'Thank you. I do enjoy hearing the evening is a success. May I ask how old you are? You appear to be a bit older than me.'

'I'm nineteen.'

'I'm seventeen. I just finished school this semester. But I still don't know what to do with my life now. What do you do to keep occupied?'

'What do you mean?'

'Oh well, I feel like I'm easily bored. Just sitting in the house all day, reading books and embroidering… It's not my thing, and I don't have many acquaintances in town. Liverpool only has one way of viewing people like me, while London doesn't. People are quick to judge here.'

'I find that Liverpudlians don't look down on people as much as they do in London. Clothes are less important, trades are less looked down upon. People who start their life from scratch are less looked down upon than those inheriting money it seems.' 'Yes, but the people here are more traditional… We're a major harbour town and therefore know a lot about other people and cultures but they don't mix the way they do in London.'

'Yes, I suppose I understand you. London society has quite the amount of unique and colourful personalities.'

'It's unfortunate that the whole city stinks so much.'

'I suppose it does', Margaret smiled.

The maid came back in and offered Margaret her drink mixed with the opiate in it.

'So you stay upstairs on your own?'

'Yes.'

'And do you dine alone while so many guests are downstairs?'

'Yes. Well, I don't mind. Anne keeps me company and it's nice and cosy here. I know once all the boats set out, my brother and I will travel towards some of our friends the coming few months. I'm looking forward to that. That's for me, this ball is for the people downstairs.'

'Oh I refuse to let you be here all by yourself. I insist on taking dessert with you.'

'Oh no, miss, I wouldn't want to keep you from the party.'

'I'm hardly in the mood for partying tonight.'

'But surely you have not come on your own? Will not your relatives wonder about your whereabouts?'

'I suppose you are correct. I believe my father to enjoy this evening with some of the men he teaches though. We were sat apart during the meal, I believe we will be again during desserts, but I do wish to inform him.'

'You are quite convinced. I shall not keep you from keeping me company as I wouldn't mind talking to someone new.'

And so Margaret slipped downstairs and quietly informed her father that she would be taking a rest from the festivities with another lady and a maid. Her father agreed and she made her way back towards the stairs.

'Margaret! Miss Hale, there you are! I've been looking all over for you. I believed you to have vanished on the spot. Where on earth were you?'

Mary walked towards her with a big smile.

'In this house. Why were you looking for me? Was your fiancé not attentive?' Mary understood what Margaret was asking.

'No he was very kind. But I let him spend time with the men. He's going to lose some of his friends for the coming couple of months, they're allowed to spend this evening together. Can a friend not be curious about a friend?'

'I- I was with Lady Aldridge.'

'Sir Edward's sister is at home? I thought she was at boarding school. I've heard so much about her! I heard she's quite a talented pianist, and makes the most wonderful pressed flowers. Could you introduce me? I've heard about her for years but I've never met her.'

Margaret took a moment to reflect. Miss Aldridge mentioned how she felt uncomfortable around people she didn't know. She didn't wish to be a part of the party. Should Margaret push her to accept a second person?

'Oh please, Margaret?'

Margaret in that instant knew why miss Aldridge wouldn't enjoy company. They all expected Sir Edward's sister to be a certain way she would undoubtedly be not. But Mary was a very kind and open person, perhaps it would be fine.

'I shall ask her, since she wasn't even keen on my company. But do not take offense when she doesn't desire it, she's quite… shy.'

'Oh of course, she is the lady of the house. She probably has her reasons if she chooses to remain upstairs while there's such a splendid party going on.'

x.X.x

'Lady Aldridge, I have returned.'

'Oh, Miss Hale. Good. The servants have brought up more plates and desserts than we can ever finish. My brother has reserved a whole Solomon's Temple for me, and there's rum cake, apricot ice cream, biscuits and a couple of water ices.'

'Oh, oh my… They look lovely. Wonderful even. To have ice cream in the middle of winter is a true treat.'

'Yes, I adore it when we're finally allowed to have some. Miss Hale, why are you standing by the door still?'

'I have a question. While coming back I ran into a dear friend of mine, Mary Gallagher. She desperately wishes to meet you.'

Lady Aldridge's entire composure shifted. Her shoulders were stiff and her hands connected and she wrung them in a nervous manner.

'Oh.'

'She's one of the kindest, sweetest people I've met. I would accept whichever answer you give, as does she. But I felt it would be rude and presumptuous to decline in your name. We both accept whichever answer you'll give.'

'Oh, yes indeed. I don't wish to give any offense. It's just that… Well.. Alright, I suppose two people can't do harm', she decided while biting her lip.

'Bring her in.' Her hands paled where they held each other.

Margaret called Mary in and introduced the two ladies.

In Mary's defence, she didn't gape, but her eyes were quite incredulous.

They sat down.

'I am so glad to finally meet you. I have heard a great deal about you from your brother. Well, never a lot but over the years I have come to know quite some things about you. Is it true that at age 12 you already played that one piece which – '

'Yes.'

'Perhaps you might one day teach me. I'm always staring in amazement at the works other ladies produce but find myself lacking in classic female talents like drawing, painting and embroidering dresses.'

'Oh I don't know. I'm not particularly impressed with my own art. Nor would I know how to explain what I do.'

'Did you create that painting?'

'Oh… Yes I did. But I'm creating better ones now though.'

Mary walked towards a bright painting of oriental buildings.'

'India?'

'Yes.'

'I heard it's lovely there… according to my brother. Have you been?'

'No, I came to England when I was four, from the second my parents believed I was strong enough to make the long trip.'

That explained the black hair and tan skin. It would have been rude to ask but now the dots connected. The old Lord Aldridge had married twice, once with a lady who died from disease and once with a woman whom he'd met during a trip to the Indies. But both women were dead now, as was the old Lord Aldridge. Margaret wondered if this was why Lady Aldridge eschewed social meetings with strangers, they would probably stare because she looked different.

'Yes, it is quite long. I don't envy those undertaking it. It has become safer but it's still dangerous, especially when the seasons are changing. So many ships have gone under.'

'Yes, it is my fear as well that some of my friends who travel are potentially risking their lives. I forbid my brother from travelling beyond Europe.'

'I wish I could force my brother to stop. But it's hard when one is in trade.'

'If only we could arm us against the weather the way we can arm ourselves against pirates', Lady Aldridge sighed.

'It would be lovely. For a second I thought those steam boats could help us, but alas, they always break down at sea.'

'Steam engines might be good for mining but I doubt they'll ever work at sea', Lady Aldridge agreed.

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation.

'Lady Aldridge, your deserts.'

Five servants came in carrying platters of luxurious deserts. Shiny silver plates carrying fruits and biscuits were carried in, together with porcelain pots containing apricot ice cream. A lovely rum cake was put on the table as well. And then, the crown jewel of all the expensive deserts was carried in: a Solomon's temple jelly.

'Oh my god.'

'Thank you. Give the kitchen my compliments. They all look gorgeous.'

The kitchen staff left.

'I can't believe my brother let them make another Solomon's Temple just for me.'

'It's stunning', Mary said while analysing the lovely pastel colours of the treat.

'What's that?' Margaret asked, pointing towards the cake.

'Oh, it's a rum cake. It's a cake I grew up with when I was little. The cook, who had lived in the Caribbean for a couple of years, made it a lot.'

The surprised look of the two other ladies caused Lady Aldridge to further explain.

'Rum was a popular drink there, as it is sugarcane based while there are a lot of plantations in the region.'

'Well I'd like some, I've never tried it before.'

x.X.x

In the end they ate and talked far too much. But with a steady supply of tea and good conversation an hour and a half went by in a blink.

In that hour they agreed to try and play piano and paint together sometime in the near future.

By eleven o'clock Margaret's stomach pains had quieted down and she was happily and drowsily listening to the other two ladies discussing a book they'd read. She tried to form visuals in her head to accompany the story and thought of the writer carefully writing chapters with little breadcrumbs to reveal the plot twist. She wondered if she herself could do it.

Perhaps she could write an adventure story about her brother's ordeals while disguising everything so that nobody would know who it was about. But just as she was halfway into thinking of a sentence to open a chapter with, the thought plopped like a bubble. The opiate made it hard to focus.

'Oh but is that the time already! Oh, I cannot keep the two of you any longer. You've been upstairs for way too long. Go back to your families. I've really enjoyed tonight. I've decided I shall trust the two of you. We will meet again. I shall try to send invitations for a fun afternoon somewhere in the next few days.'

'I really loved meeting you, Lady Aldridge. It was a delightful pleasure to finally make your acquaintance', Mary smiled.

'Oh, just Lady Elisabeth or Miss Elisabeth will be fine when we are in private, Miss Gallagher.'

'Then I shall expect the same courtesy of you, lady Elisabeth.'

'As do I', Margaret decided.

'Very well.'

They took their leave and descended downstairs. The party was still going strong and all the younger people were still dancing.

The ballroom gleamed golden in the light of hundreds of long wax candles, spreading their soft smell, mingled with the colognes of all the guests. The rich ladies were still dancing without tiring and the local girls were also dancing and gossiping. Margaret's eyes scanned the room in an attempt to spot her father, but a figure came to stand in front of her before she spotted him.

'Miss Hale, would you be ever so kind and do me the honour of having the next dance?' Mr Ball asked.

'Oh, Mr Ball I- Well. Alright.'

'Delightful!'

She followed him into the room and finally spotted her father. He was talking with the Mr. Gallagher. The current song ended before she knew it, and then she found herself being dragged along in a boulanger. The jumping and turning made her head dizzy, and as her head was drowsy the dance demanded a lot of active attention. The dance was just fine, but she feared Mr Ball was quite disappointed with her lacklustre attempt at conversation.

The dance ended with her standing beside Mr Ball and in front of Sir Aldridge.

'Miss Hale, shall we show them how proper London folks dance a Cotillon?'

'Oh, but aren't your London friends better? It's been half a year since I last sat foot in a high society ballroom. Your female friends are lovely dancers, they're a delight to watch.'

'Ah, but they're so used to it. We can't let your skills grow rusty. Yet, I do not wish to pressure you Miss Hale. I shall ask someone else if you're not feeling up to it, it's no problem at all. You shouldn't feel obliged to in any way.'

'Oh no, it's fine. I just thought others would be more suited.'

'It has come to my attention that your presence has been most notably absent from the dance floor. As a good host I wish to entertain everyone. You look lovely, you shouldn't sit on the side', he said as he offered her an arm.

'Oh, but I wasn't sitting on the side', she hurriedly explained as they walked towards the orchestra.

'Indeed?' he asked.

'I've had the pleasure of having desert with your sister.'

'You did?'

His whole composure changed, turning restless and worried.

'She's truly a lovely girl.'

'Yes… She is.'

His gaze had never before been so analysing. As if he was looking for any hidden depths behind her words.

The dance started.

'Might I enquire as to where you met her?'

She waited to answer the question until she had returned to her position beside him, there hands entwined.

'In the hallway downstairs, where I was walking after dinner. She was looking for a book she was reading.'

He nodded slowly.

'Yes, she does tend to leave them lying everywhere. To whom have you spoken of her?'

'No one. Well, except Miss Gallagher because I went downstairs to tell my father I wouldn't be having desert in the banquet hall. I encountered Miss Gallagher and she demanded to know where I was going, then she desired to be introduced to her as well.'

'And was she?'

'She was. The three of us had a most pleasant conversation.'

Margaret wondered what all the questions were about. Didn't he trust them? Weren't they allowed to talk to her?

'She invited us back to paint together', Margaret said in a feeble attempt to kill the awkwardness.

'Oh, that's lovely. She really enjoys painting.'

It worked. The questioning gaze was suddenly swapped with a smile, and all tenseness disappeared from his shoulders.

'Yes, indeed. As do I.'

'You must have made a good impression. My sister is quite selective about her company. I salute you Miss Hale, I am glad you two get along.'

Ah, there it was. He wondered whether her company was desired by Lady Aldridge. With telling him his sister had invited her to spend more time together, he knew their contact had been good.

She wondered whether it was a known fact that his father had married a woman of colour after his mother had died. Perhaps he feared what society would think or that they would treat his sister unjustly.

'Yes, I like her very much. I look forward to keeping in touch.'

Sir Aldridge nodded with a smile. She took another turn and noticed just how many eyes were on them, as they were so close to the orchestra and as she was dancing with the very single host.

And then –

She bumped against him as she was too focussed looking at the people who were looking at them.

'Oh – Oh I am so sorry. Excuse me Sir Al–'

'Really Miss Hale, it is alright. It's becoming quite late. We all lose focus sometimes.'

Her cheeks burned. But everyone was looking at them! Her stomach twisted. If only she didn't have her flow! If only she hadn't taken that opiate! Without it she would have suffered but she would have been alert enough to not make such a mistake.

The dance ended quickly after and Sir Aldridge escorted her back to the sideline.

'Miss Hale, you are alright, aren't you? You really needn't be embarrassed.'

'I'm afraid I didn't set a good example of how a good Cotillon is done.'

'Oh Miss Hale, it was perfectly perfect except for the one mistake. You still are very light of foot and your moves are delightfully smooth. Besides, I think most people don't care anymore', he comforted her.

'But I shall leave you be so that you can rest. The night is getting long, perhaps with some water and some rest you can re-energise yourself… Ah! Talking about refreshments… There is the punch!'

Gorgeous ornamented cups were being carried in by the servants, with dainty spoons sitting in the cool drink.

Sir Aldridge took two and handed her one.

They drank their punch and then he let her go to fetch another dancing partner.

Moving along the sideline of the dance floor, she spotted Mr Thornton near the entrance of the room.

Mr Thornton! Right. The talk.

She really wasn't in the best state for a big conversation, but she didn't know if she would see him another time before he left. She simply had to have the conversation now.

'Mr Thornton. Could I have a word?'

Mr Thornton was as kind as to not look surprised or angry, and just gave her a curt nod.

She lead them out of the ballroom and into a more secluded part of the hallway.

'Mr Thornton, I would like to talk to you about the day of the failed raid because…'

'Miss Hale, I believe you made yourself perfectly clear. I think the less is said of that day, the better.'

She blinked in confusion. She hadn't expected him to give such a reaction. Her stomach started twisting again out of nervousness. Why was she always so nervous around him. He'd never given her reason to fear him. Perhaps she should oblige, she had slighted him and he was asking her to not discuss that moment again.

No! No. He said that because he did not understand her! She had to continue.

'Well… I disagree.' Bringing the words in a confident manner required all energy she had left.

His face might as well have been a stone wall. It gave nothing away. She saw that a storm was brewing behind his icy blue eyes, but he didn't give any reaction. How could someone who claimed to be so devoted to her, have so little emotion when talking to her?

Well… He had said that she needn't be worried about him giving anything away.

'I fear I have not expressed myself all that well. I did not react like a lady. What I said was rude and uncalled for. You talked to me in an earnest matter and I insulted your person. I shouldn't have. I have no rights to ask anything of you. You have no reason to believe me, but I did not mean those insults.'

'Then why did you say them?' he asked after a prolonged silence in which she awaited his reaction.

'Because… Because I did not desire your proposal. I'm not used to proposals and I fail to respond to them in a correct manner. As I didn't want a proposal I tried my very best to make it clear it, and whoever delivering it, were unwanted.'

This, at last, seemed to surprise him.

'That day you said you are at a moment in your life where marriage is welcome. I am not. As someone who waited for the right time, I hope you can understand why I refuse every proposal.'

Every proposal. Not just his.

The wheels in John Thornton's mind started turning. What would keep a young woman of marital age from entering matrimony? He was wealthy enough, and if she indeed didn't mean the insults then what reason did she have?

Her mother. Dear God, it was her mother. She had only returned to her family a month or so before they moved to Liverpool. And in Liverpool her mother became ill. Would he leave his mother behind to go and live with another family if she was ailing? He wouldn't. Of course dutiful little Margaret wouldn't dream of abandoning her family in their hour of need.

It was a cold shower to say the least. He'd been angry with her for being mean and cruel. She'd cut him where it hurt the most. But now, with growing shame, he realized that he knew how bad her mother's illness was and had still thought it a good idea to propose to Margaret. Actually, he hadn't thought of her mother at all when proposing, and now realized his error.

How selfish and arrogant must he have seemed, when while in full knowledge how ill her mother was, to ask Margaret to abandon her and leave her father to care for his ill wife all by himself. He knew Mr Hale! He loved his wife dearly. Her loss could very well destroy him, and then to be left without a daughter to lean on! Of course Margaret had thought of them instead of herself when deciding on whether she'd marry him. It was who she was.

'I understand.'

'So please, Mr Thornton, I won't ask you to forgive me for being rude on that day… But could we continue on as friendly acquaintances?'

'You said yourself I didn't behave as a gentleman that day. How about we agree that we both weren't on our best behaviour? I already told you I would treat you and your family as I have before.'

'I know. But I really wanted to clarify some things.'

'Consider them clarified, Miss Hale. You can rest assured that your reputation, or the friendship between our families, won't be spoiled because of me. However, I cannot warrant your reputation if you take men apart, away from the crowd.'

Margaret's cheeks flushed scarlet as she realized that if people had been paying attention, they might have wondered what she and Mr Thornton went to do. However, they were still in a very public location, with a respectable distance between them. It would be strange but not inappropriate.

'Yes. Of course.'

'Ah! Mr Thornton. There you are!' yelled Mr Ball when he noticed the beautiful Margaret standing together with the other company owner.

'I had to fetch you. Sir Aldridge wishes to make a speech!'

Mr Thornton nodded, and threw a questioning glance towards Margaret. After a short nod of her, Mr Thornton smiled at Mr Ball.

'Why of course. We shall come. Our conversation was finished anyway.'

'Oh – what was the conversation about? Did our Miss Hale find something disagreeable again?' he asked with a jest.

'As a matter of fact it was just a normal question about how our boats shall sail towards the Indies. But there was far too much noise in the ballroom', Mr Thornton lied quickly.

By the time they entered the ballroom, the speech had started.

'Tonight, we celebrate, for tomorrow or at another point this week, we shall depart for exciting business ventures which will add to the prosperity of our town, and our own families and businesses. My friends, I wish you the best of weather and the most favourable of winds.'

Sir Aldridge lifted the glass towards the men who were to leave, who had all gone to stand together.

Mr Ball took over, waving his glass and smiling at his fellows, then to the others in the room.

'May we make deals which are beneficial to us and make up for the harsh winter we had. And family, friends, ladies, do not weep for our absence. I wish to remember you as you are now: joyful and lovely. It breaks my heart to be parted from your joyful company but until we meet again, we shall have our memories. I pray distance makes the heart grow fond, and that you shan't forget us. In a month or two we shall return and I promise you: we shall have a good deal of fun then.'

Mr Ball gazed intently at Margaret, hoping she got the clue that he wished for her heart to grow fond. But she wasn't looking at him. Her gaze was simply roaming the room. Once he looked away, her eyes connected with those of Mr Thornton's. She gave him a small tentative smile, a further peace offering.

There, she'd done what she had set out to do. He wouldn't propose again, but he wouldn't hate her either.

With the adrenaline and sense of duty leaving her body, all complaints came to the foreground. The headache, the drowsiness, the supressed stomach ache, her tired limbs, the heat of her body in the warm room. She ever so subtly tried to make her way for the exit. She wouldn't be able to last in the heat.

'Miss Hale?'

Of course, her escape wouldn't have gone unnoticed.

'Miss Hale, you aren't alright. Are you? You appear quite flushed.'

'I'm alright, Sir Aldridge. Thank you very much.'

'Miss Hale, you're flushed, your head wasn't with you when we were dancing… You've been avoiding the ballroom… You aren't alright, are you?'

'I'm not, I'm sorry. But it is a splendid party I swear! I'm so sorry to make you worry.'

'Miss Hale, I'm the host. It is my job to make sure my guests are well. I shall order you a carriage. I don't want you here out of a sense of obligation. It won't hurt me if you go home because you are unwell. I don't want you to suffer.'

'But my father!'

'I shall inform him and ask him whether he wishes to accompany you home. Either way, I guarantee you he will get home safely as well. Come, I shall escort you to a living room at the front of the house.'

And so, before she could exchange one more word with Mr Thornton, and before Mr Bell managed to make another move, Margaret Hale and Mr Hale were escorted towards a carriage and delivered safely on their doorstep.

It took John another hour to realize she wasn't just elsewhere but had indeed gone home. He wouldn't be able to ask her any more questions, nor would he be able to talk to her to gauge what she did think of him. Instead he would spend the next three months on edge. Had her parents been healthy, would she have accepted him?

Or did she indeed not care for him and was her mother's health simply the main reason why she declined?

He knew that it didn't matter what she felt as long as her mother remained ill, but he did pray each day that she did care for him.

I'm back! I'm sorry for the extended absence. I struggled with this chapter and had a busy couple of weeks.

To my dear readers: thank you for waiting and still following. And to those who take the time to comment: sari18, EyreGirl, Windyandstormy, mariantoinette1 and the guest readers... Thank you so much for commenting! it means so much to me! It brings a smile to my face each time I get a notification on my phone. I appreciate you all very much.

Now on to the notes:

- Invites were printed in the 1820's but printing was expensive so they were printed in bulk with blank spaces for names and dates. Since Sir Edward forgot the Hale family, theirs would have probably been written since he'd exhausted his purchase of printed invites.

- Wax candles had a soft smell and were quite expensive, as opposed to cheap candles which were made of – and reeked of - fat. By using many candles a host showed how wealthy they were since they could afford to burn that many high quality candles for one evening. The length of the candles also indicated how long the host estimated the evening would last.

- A Solomon's temple: Recipes for Solomon's Temples in Flummery first appeared in Mrs Raffald's cookery book of 1769. These usually had a central obelisk surrounded by four towers in the form of cones. Mrs Raffald's recipe instructs us to fill the base of the mould with chocolate flummery and to decorate the points with flowers and sprigs.

- Service à la française meant that all dishes of a course were served at the same time: all the soups and appetizers, all parts of the main course (singe in that time multiple dishes were made per course during larger dinners), all desserts together, … It had some disadvantages: as everything was served at the same time, by the time you finished a portion of one soup, the other would already be colder by the time you ate it. There also wasn't enough of each dish for everyone. The chances of you eating the same things as the person who sat very far away from you were slim. So not all guests could have tried all the dishes, but they still would have had a broad variety. In the latter half of the 19th century service à la russe came into fashion. This meant individual butlers served everyone. Everyone got their food hot and everyone ate the same things.

- The Liverpool and Manchester Railway Company by Henry Booth. Survey ran from 1922 to 1924. The survey was presented to Parliament on 8 February 1825. It was rejected, estimates were 40 000 but it would cost 200 000 going through Chat Moss