Thanks to Chireain, CrazyRedmanelion, Alllans, Cardfighter by Maple and an anon for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 2

Lovino's alarm went off, and he groaned. His eyes refused to open, and when he could get them open, they only wanted to close again. He was just so tired.

He didn't know how long he lay there, but soon he could hear footsteps approaching. Their weight and speed told him that they belonged to his father, and that he was not happy. But then again, what else was new where Lovino was concerned?

"Lovino!" his father snarled, throwing the door open. "Can't you hear your alarm? Get up!"

"Fine, fine," Lovino groaned, pushing himself upwards.

He was usually on his stomach when he woke up in the mornings, and so he was able to avoid his father's angry gaze.

"Honestly," Romulus huffed. "Feli and Cello never take this long to get up."

Lovino flinched. There it was, and he wasn't even out of bed yet. A comparison to his two younger brothers. And the painful reminder that he was the unloved one. Romulus always referred to the younger two by shortened versions of their names, while he always used Lovino's full name when speaking to or about him.

Well, he didn't like being called 'Lovi', but that was beside the point. At least Marcello and Feliciano would occasionally forget it. Romulus never even attempted to call him that.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast," Romulus said.

Lovino sighed in relief when he heard his father walk away. This always happened when he wasn't up within ten minutes of his alarm going off. He reached for the infernal device and shut it off. At least it was one of those clock radios. He didn't want to know how annoyed his father would have been if it had been one of those traditional alarms that screeched until they were silenced.

Lovino forced himself out of the bed, but he didn't immediately get dressed. He reached for his bedside cabinet and opened the drawer. There weren't too many things inside, but there was one thing that he needed. His hand found it with practiced ease.

It was a pocket knife that his uncle had gifted him two years ago. It made things a lot easier.

Lovino pulled off his shirt, pausing when he saw the angry red lines that criss-crossed all over his arms, shoulders, chest and stomach. Some of the lines were pink and others white, but it was always the red ones that caught his eye.

He was about to add another one. Or two. Or five.

Lovino found a spot on his stomach and gritted his teeth, swiping the blade. He felt the familiar sting, and already he could feel some relief. He watched the wound for a moment, waiting to see if it would bleed and how much. Sometimes, when he wasn't that serious about it, the cut wouldn't bleed at all, but would still leave an angry mark.

He watched the blood bead around the line for a while before he grabbed one of the tissues he kept in the drawer and pressed it against the new cut. Luckily, he wasn't much of a bleeder, so half a minute with some pressure was enough to stop the bleeding. He didn't want to have another stain on his shirt.

He didn't want his father to call him out on another 'fight'.

He glanced towards the book he kept on his desk. Thankfully, no one else had read it, which was a miracle in his family. He hesitated for a moment, before deciding against it. The words weren't worthy of the book.

He quickly got dressed and combed his hair, before he made his way to the stairs. He paused on the landing, eyes falling on his mother's photo. He wondered, not for the first time, what life would have been like with her still around. He knew that she wouldn't have compared him to his brothers. She would have loved him for who he was. She would have believed him.

He tore his gaze away, before he continued on his path downstairs, making his way to the kitchen. He ignored his brothers' and father's conversation, only grunting an acknowledgement when Feliciano greeted him.

Wow. His father didn't scold him. He must have been tired.

When Lovino was finished with his breakfast, he immediately made his way upstairs to brush his teeth. Once he was finished, he did what he always did: stare at himself in the mirror while questioning why he was still there.

He fetched his bag and went downstairs again, just in time to go for the bus. His father said goodbye to his brothers, but grabbed him as he tried to push past him.

"Don't get into trouble today," Romulus said.

"You act as though I do it every day," Lovino spat.

He was tired of explaining each time that he didn't try to get into trouble. And that 90% of the time, he was completely innocent. It was unfair. He was everyone's scapegoat. Even people he'd never met. No matter what happened, it would always be his fault. It was really tiresome.

As soon as he entered the bus, he sat on the empty seat in the front. His brothers sat further back, where the popular students were. And he was just hoping that he would be ignored.

Unfortunately, no such luck.

"Well, well," a familiar voice said. "Look what the cat dragged in."

"Man, you look like shit," a second voice said.

"No, he always looks like that," a third voice said.

Lovino didn't have to look to know who were hassling him. Francis, Gilbert and Antonio. The three that he could say for a fact were his bullies. Everyone hated him, but these three actually went out of their way to torment him.

Lovino tried to ignore them as best he could, but when Gilbert grabbed that errant hair, that was when he lost it.

"Fuck off, you bastards!" he shouted.

"Vargas!" the driver snapped, turning around. They were currently at a stop sign, so he could give Lovino his full attention. "I will not have that kind of language on my bus! And if you really want to fight, I have no problem with letting you walk to school!"

Lovino flinched, and some of the other students laughed, while others scoffed. He didn't need to know how disgusted they were with him. It was completely normal.

And he knew that either Feliciano or Marcello would tell their father, and he would be yelled at again. He wasn't trying to fight. He just wanted to be left alone.

Having succeeded in their mission, the other three left him alone, snickering at the scolding Lovino received. The Italian looked out the window, trying to prevent the tears stinging his eyes from falling. He refused to show those assholes how much they hurt him.

He just wished that he could go one day without anyone hassling him. Just once, he didn't want to feel like the scum of the earth.

"You know, I feel sorry for Feli," Antonio's voice said from behind him. "To have someone like him for a twin."

"I know," Gilbert snickered. "His parents should have thrown him in the trash as soon as he was born."

Those words stung. Lovino bit his lip, trying to hold in the tears. His right hand absently made its way to his left arm. He pressed his hand into the sleeve, feeling the warm skin of his arm. Finding one of the cuts, he pressed a nail into it. He managed to hold in the hiss of pain, and he focused only on the pain, until the tears no longer threatened him. Only when he thought it was safe did he remove his hand, checking the nail to see if there was any blood.

When the bus stopped, he couldn't get off of it fast enough.

He didn't immediately make his way to his class, but instead made his way to the bathroom. He locked himself in one of the stalls and focused on his breathing. He didn't want anyone to see what they did to him. He refused to grant them that victory.

Only when the bell rang did he make his way to homeroom, ignoring the teacher who threatened him to arrive sooner. Luckily, he wasn't in the same class as Feliciano. He could escape his twin's perfection for a little while.

He ignored all of the glares the others sent him. He was used to them, after all.

It was sad to know exactly how much he was used to.

…

It was gym class, and Lovino was merely sitting on the side lines, watching the others as they did random exercises. There wasn't really a specific task they had to do. And if he did nothing, then the others couldn't do anything to him. They wouldn't do anything that would make it look as though they were slacking off, like Lovino was.

"Vargas, get up and move already!" Mr Adnan exclaimed.

Lovino glanced towards the teacher, trying to convey his disappointment. He sighed, standing up and starting with simply jogging in place. He saw the teacher turn away, and he stopped.

"You don't seem to get the idea of gym class, do you?"

Lovino bristled when he heard that voice, and he turned around to see his three tormentors approaching, smirks on their faces.

"Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone?" Lovino growled.

"Language," Francis chided, a mocking smile on his face. "You don't want to walk back home, do you?"

Lovino growled, and he turned away. However, a hand on his shoulder forced him to turn back to the other three.

"You know, I was wondering," Gilbert said. "You're always covering your arms. We want to see those tattoos."

Lovino felt himself panic as they grabbed his sleeves. He knew about the rumours that he was using his shirts to cover tattoos, and he was fine with it. He wasn't breaking any rules. But if they saw what he was actually covering up…

He pulled himself away, and raised his fist in warning. A whistle made him jump in surprise.

"Vargas, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Mr Adnan shouted.

Lovino backed away. He glared at the teacher, before storming away. It was typical. No matter what others did to him, he was always the one that got into trouble for simply trying to defend himself. Everyone was always blind to what was happening to him, and only saw what he was doing, and never what was being done to him. And no matter how many times he tried to explain himself, he was always the monster.

He stalked over towards where the jump ropes were gathered, and he paused. Seeing those ropes right now…

He had been thinking about it long and hard. The only uncertainty that remained was how. All he knew was, he was ready. He was just so tired. Tired of everything. And seeing those ropes now, he knew that he had his method. And as for place…

He would go check if the bathrooms were suitable later.

At the end of the period, he snuck one of the ropes underneath his clothes and went to change. He always made sure to get changed in one of the locker room's toilet cubicles. No one would see it there. Just like no one saw his scars.

…

Lovino had already checked out the bathroom, and was on his way to the library. He could have done it right then and there, but with it being lunch, there were still many people that could walk in. He needed to find a better time. Like the period directly after break, or perhaps the last period. The teachers never allowed students to go to the bathroom during those periods, so no one would interrupt him.

"Hey, Feliciano!"

Lovino jumped in surprise, before looking up. To his surprise, the boy was looking at him, and not his brother. Lovino didn't recognise him, but as much as he hated to be compared to his brothers, he hated being mistaken for one of them, so he fixed a glare on his face. The other flinched.

"Sorry," he said. "Like, I'm new here, and I like need to get my textbooks at the library, but like, I'm totally lost, and I was like wondering if you could help me."

It took Lovino a while to figure out what it was that the other was actually trying to say. But his expression turned neutral. It was just that he didn't know about the differences between them yet.

"I guess I can show you," Lovino said, finishing his trip up the stairs.

The other boy fell into step with him, and Lovino felt it a bit odd. He also tried to pretend that he didn't notice the other looking at him.

"So, like, I'm Feliks," he said. "Um, what's your name?"

Lovino glanced towards Feliks, surprised that he had no idea yet. He should have at least heard something.

"You know my brother's name but you haven't heard of me yet?" he asked. "Usually people would talk about us in the same breath. It's annoying."

Feliks frowned.

"Like, Feliciano was the one that showed me to homeroom this morning," he said. "And he didn't say anything about a brother. He was too busy talking about…"

"Everything else," Lovino said. "Yeah, he never shuts up."

"So… Your name?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Lovino," he said at last. "We're here."

Lovino opened the door, revealing the library. Lovino liked the library. It was his haven. He had grown tired of everyone giving him hell during the day, particularly during the breaks and lunchtime. And when he realised that everyone else seemed to avoid the library, well… At first, he only hid there, but eventually he started immersing himself in the books. They offered a brief escape. And the librarian was probably the only teacher in the school that didn't think that he was the devil's spawn. Sure, he had to go without lunch, but he could live with it.

"Like, they should totally label these rooms," Feliks huffed.

"Some asshole stole everything last week," Lovino said, bristling slightly. "And besides, no one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there is a library."

Lovino didn't add that he was the one accused of the crime. He was framed! But no, the fault went to him, since it was something 'that he would do'.

To Lovino's surprise, Feliks chuckled. Feliks brushed past him and turned back.

"Like, thanks for the help," Feliks said.

Lovino merely grunted, not sure what to say. He wasn't going to say that he was on his way there anyway. He didn't want the other to spread the word. He waited a while until Feliks was preoccupied before going to his corner. He had Sartre to finish.

…

As Lovino went back towards his next class, someone bumped into him. The other started to apologise, until he saw who it was.

"Oh, it's you," he spat. "You know, you should apologise."

"Why?" Lovino asked. "You bumped into me."

The other sneered.

"It's always about you, isn't it?" he said. "You know, if you were actually nice, then people might like you."

Lovino scoffed, pushing past the ignorant asshole. He'd tried being nice. And it only resulted in him being used and abused.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" the other called after him. "Do everyone a favour."

Lovino gritted his teeth, hearing the snickers around him. He wouldn't show them how much his words hurt.

'Don't worry,' Lovino thought. 'I will.'

…

When the bell rang to signal the last period, Lovino slipped into the bathroom while the others were going off to class. He made his way to one of the stalls and locked himself inside.

He took a deep breath, ignoring the stench, before turning his attention to the stall's door. It was one of those that didn't go all the way up to the ceiling, and had a beam across the threshold. He had already tested it to see if it could support his weight. Now, all that was left was to actually do it.

He waited until he was sure that everyone was in class, before pulling the metal trash bin closer, opening the door in the process. He removed the jump rope he took earlier and, standing on the bin, started to tie it to the beam, before tying a noose, or as close as he could get. He swallowed thickly, before tying the noose around his neck.

Closing his eyes, he kicked the bin away.

His natural instinct was to pry the rope away from his neck, but he tried to keep his hands still. He didn't know how successful he was. All that he was aware of for a long time were the offensive cord around his neck, and the painful sensation in his chest.

And then… hands. Hands trying to undo the knot. Lovino's eyes snapped open.

"N-no," he gasped.

The other didn't listen, and after a while the pressure was released. Lovino was grabbed, and both he and his 'rescuer' tumbled to the ground. It was painful, but he'd experienced worse.

Lovino started pounding his fists against the chest of his 'rescuer', and he noticed that it was the new boy, Feliks.

"You bastard!" Lovino shouted "Why did you do that? You should have just let me die!"

Feliks gasped, and the next thing Lovino knew, he was wrapped in the other's arms. He tried pushing the other away, but soon enough he lost his strength, and he simply started crying into Feliks's chest.

He failed. Like everything else in his life, he failed. He couldn't even kill himself. And even though Feliks 'saved' him, he knew that it was only a matter of time before the other would regret his choice. He would wish him dead, like so many other people.

The words of the day echoed through his head, but there was one statement that seemed to pierce through all the others.

"I don't want you to die," Feliks whispered to him.