Thanks to Alllans and Related to Moon for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 4

Feliks was starting to get frantic. It was lunch break, and he was looking for Lovino. He had searched through all the boys' bathrooms (if Lovino was in one of the girls' bathrooms, then Feliks would have known about it), and he remembered Elizaveta saying that Lovino liked to go to the roof, but the access was locked. He didn't know what else to do.

"No one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there is a library."

Lovino's words the previous day hit him like a flash. If Lovino was such a delinquent, and he was under the impression that most people wouldn't know about the library, then how did Lovino know?

He rushed towards the library, and once he arrived, he started searching around. He finally found his quarry in the back, his nose buried in a book. Feliks sighed in relief, and Lovino, startled, whipped his head up.

"What the hell?!" Lovino exclaimed somewhat quietly. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me or something?"

"Or something," Feliks said, sticking his tongue out playfully.

Lovino's eyes narrowed, and it was clear to Feliks that he didn't find it particularly funny. He sighed, before he sat down across from Lovino, who tensed at the action.

"Like, I'm worried about you," he said.

"Don't be," Lovino said. "I was trying to do the world a favour, for once, and you ruined it."

Feliks looked at Lovino sadly.

"Like, don't say that about yourself," Feliks said.

"Why not?" Lovino challenged.

Feliks took note of Lovino's attire. He was wearing a turtleneck shirt, and he wondered if the rope had left a mark. He bit his lip.

"Like, you look like you need a friend," Feliks said. "Why don't you want me to be it?"

Lovino laughed sardonically.

"Like I haven't heard that one before," Lovino said. "Look, if you want to be friends with my brother, then you don't have to go through me."

"Who said that I wanted to be friends with your brother?" Feliks asked.

"Because everyone wants to be friends with them."

Feliks looked at Lovino with a pained expression. Lovino scoffed.

"I don't need or want your pity," he said. "Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Like, it's not pity," Feliks said. "It's empathy."

"You don't understand the meaning of the word, do you?"

Feliks bit his lip.

"I guess I can understand why you're like this," he muttered. "I mean, I saw yours, so… I should show you mine."

Lovino looked confused as Feliks rolled up his sleeve, before he revealed the marred forearm. Lovino's eyes widened.

"What the…?" he whispered.

"Like, I know what it's like to feel that you need to die to make everyone else happy," Feliks said. "And I guess I'm the last person to tell you that you shouldn't try to kill yourself. Like, I tried it too."

Feliks also revealed the other arm, which had the same mark. It was still relatively recent, and was still an angry red.

They were silent for a long moment. Lovino's eyes were fixated on Feliks's arms, and the Pole bit his lip. He had every urge to pull his arms away, but Lovino needed to see this as well.

"Why?" Lovino asked at last.

Feliks sighed in relief. The tone was a lot less hostile than it used to be.

"Why did I try to kill myself, or why am I showing you?" Feliks asked.

"…Both, I guess," Lovino responded.

"Right. Like… How do I explain? Why am I showing you? Um, you see… Like, I know what you're going through. Well, like, not exactly the things, but I know how you feel. And, like, you need to see that you're not alone."

Lovino scoffed.

"And…" Feliks continued, ignoring Lovino's disbelief, "like, why I did that… The others at my old school were, like… not merciful. Because I… I like to wear girls' clothes and… like, because I'm gay."

Lovino arched an eyebrow, and Feliks bowed his head. He had no intention of letting anyone know about any of this, but…

"You shouldn't let that Hungarian psycho hear about it," Lovino said at last.

"L-Liz?" Feliks asked in alarm. "But, she was like…"

"She's not homophobic," Lovino said. "The opposite, actually. You'll find yourself being stalked by her while she's trying to get a photo of you with some bulky guy to satisfy her perverted fantasies."

Feliks froze. That… actually sounded scarier than the alternative.

"And… Like, what about you?" Feliks asked.

"My dad always said that it doesn't matter what you're into, as long as you're happy," Lovino said. "And I personally never thought about things like that. Why should I care about if you like guys or girls?"

Feliks sighed in relief. He had been worried, but it would seem as though Lovino wouldn't bully him about it.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Lovino shrugged, before he turned his attention back to his book. Feliks licked his lips. He wanted to make sure that Lovino got the message.

Still, he wasn't as angry as he had been earlier, so Feliks decided to continue.

"So, like, I know those rumours about you smoking on the roof aren't true," Feliks said.

"And how do you know that?" Lovino asked, an eyebrow arched.

"Because, like, the access doors are closed."

"Congratulations. You're the first one to check the fucking facts."

"And… I'm going to guess that you don't have tattoos on your arms."

Lovino looked annoyed, and his arms were folded against his chest. He was neither confirming nor denying Feliks's claims, and he wasn't going to allow Feliks to check.

"Okay…" Feliks said.

"Why are you even still here?" Lovino asked.

"Because, like, I want to be your friend."

"No. You think you found someone you can share your pain with. And I won't tell anyone about anything that you told me – not that anyone would even believe me. But I've got my own fucking problems."

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Like, why are you so against having friends?" Feliks asked.

"Because everyone who's ever wanted to be my 'friend' only used me to get to my brother," Lovino spat. "As soon as they realised that they don't have to be nice to me to be Feliciano's friend, they dropped me like a hot potato. And some of them thought that I would be exactly like Feliciano, only to find out that I'm not, and they wanted nothing more to do with me."

Feliks felt his annoyance disappear. Lovino scoffed, grabbing his book.

"I'm not going to get anything done with you bothering me," Lovino said as he stood.

"Wait," Feliks said, "what if I can prove I'm nothing like the rest?"

"And how do you plan to fucking do that?"

"Give me a chance, and I'll show you."

Lovino shook his head.

"Why do you even want to waste your fucking time?" he whispered.

"It's my time," Feliks insisted. "I'll decide if I'm wasting it or not."

Lovino stared at him for a long moment before he sat down again. Feliks sighed in relief.

"You can like test me, if you want," Feliks continued.

"I've just got one thing in mind for now," Lovino said.

"And, like, that is?"

"Don't tell anyone where I am during lunch."

Feliks frowned, but nodded his head.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

"The Shining," Lovino said, grabbing the book again.

"What's it about?"

"…Are you seriously trying to tell me that you've never heard of the movie?"

"There's a movie about it?"

Lovino groaned, and Feliks listened as the Italian explained what the book was about. Feliks nodded along, but instead he was focusing on Lovino. There was a soft look in the other's eyes as he explained, and all of his hostility had disappeared. Feliks wanted to see Lovino like this more often.

However, it wasn't too long before the bell rang, and Lovino froze slightly as he stopped.

"You may want to get away from me now," Lovino said.

"Why?" Feliks asked.

"Because you don't want any of those bastards seeing you with me."

Feliks was confused, but when he saw Lovino narrow his eyes, he knew that he needed to do as he was told. He made his way towards the entrance, and turning back, saw Lovino at a much slower pace.

As Feliks made his way towards his classroom, he would constantly turn back to look at Lovino. He could see Lovino looking at him in annoyance each time, and he would motion to him to turn around.

It was at one such time that he saw it. Lovino was stopped by three others. He remembered seeing them in some of his classes, and they seemed nice. Not now.

They said something to Lovino, but Feliks was too far away to hear. And it was obvious to him that Lovino was trying to get away, but the three of them wouldn't allow it. This was a scene that Feliks had seen many times.

Because you don't want any of those bastards seeing you with me.

Feliks's eyes widened in realisation. It would also explain why Lovino had asked him to keep quiet about being in the library. Lovino didn't want his bullies to know where he was hiding, nor did he want Feliks to get into trouble for simply being near him.

"Hey!" an excited voice said, startling Feliks from his thoughts. "I was looking for you."

He turned to see Elizaveta, and he gave a shaky smile to the Hungarian.

"Like, I don't really like to eat lunch," he said.

There was a shout from behind him, and Feliks turned to see that the situation with Lovino had only worsened. Elizaveta clicked her tongue.

"Honestly," she muttered. "Can't he just leave them alone?"

Feliks wanted to protest that it was the other way around. That Lovino was the one that needed to be left alone by them. But Elizaveta grabbed his wrist and started dragging him off.

"Come on, we're going to be late," she said.

Feliks looked back towards Lovino one more time, and he saw that a crowd had gathered, but one of the teachers had come to interfere. His heart ached when he realised that Lovino was the one that would be blamed for this.

…

Lovino had been on his way to class when those three came into sight. He came to an immediate stop, frowning.

"There you are," Gilbert said. "You know, we've been looking for you up on the roof, but you locked the door behind you."

"Fuck off," Lovino muttered, before trying to storm past them.

"I don't think so, Lovi," Antonio said, grabbing a hold of his arm and holding him back.

"Get away!" Lovino growled, but Francis grabbed his other arm.

"Not until you apologise," Gilbert said.

"What the fuck for?"

"Well, the language, first of all. And then you need to apologise for existing."

Lovino snarled, before he headbutted the one that was nearest, which was Francis. The French boy let out a shout of surprise and pain, and Lovino wrenched his arm from Antonio's grip, but before he could go anywhere, Gilbert grabbed him and threw him against the wall. Lovino grunted in pain when Gilbert punched him in the stomach.

"And now you need to apologise to Franny for hurting him," Gilbert hissed.

"Go to hell," Lovino spat.

"That's where you belong," Francis said, before he slapped Lovino across the cheek.

Lovino hissed in pain, but he refused to show them any tears. He knew that that was what they wanted, and it was something he wasn't willing to give them. His eyes darted around, seeing the growing audience. Some of them were looking at him with satisfied expressions, others were shaking their heads in disappointment at him. As though he was the one that wanted this.

He was pulled back to the current situation when Antonio decided to punch him in the solar plexus, and he wanted to double over in pain, but Francis and Gilbert held him up.

"Come on now," Francis said. "Apologise!"

Lovino glared at them and tried to lash out, but he was still winded, and his punch had no power. Not like the punch Gilbert threw at his throat next.

"Alright, that's enough!"

The crowd cleared as Mr Zwingli, the Economics teacher, decided to break them up. Instead of feeling relieved, Lovino glared at the teacher. Because no matter how much of the assault against Lovino he saw, Lovino would still be the one that received all the blame.

Once their grip on him loosened, Lovino took the chance to yank himself free and ran away, pushing those in his path out of his way as he ran towards the nearest bathroom.

"Vargas, get back here!" Mr Zwingli shouted.

Lovino ignored him as he made his way to the bathroom. He entered one of the cubicles and closed the door behind him, before rolling up his sleeve. He didn't have anything to cut himself with, but he could still do something. He brought his wrist up to his mouth and bit hard.

It was ironic that the best way for him to keep in his tears was to inflict pain upon himself.

Every time he felt a wave of tears threatening him, he bit harder into his skin. He could taste blood, and knew that he was biting on one of the more recent cuts, which he had just caused to bleed again. But that didn't matter. He was looking for pain.

It took a long while before he determined that he wouldn't be crying, and he released his arm. He idly looked down, seeing a bit of blood, and also seeing the deep indentations left by his teeth. None of these broke the skin, but some looked as though they were close.

The period was already well underway, and he knew that there was no way that he would be able to go to class now. He also couldn't go to the nurse's office. By now, Francis would have been sent there, and he would be able to pretend that he was the victim. That Lovino was the one that started the encounter.

His mind flashed back to Feliks, and he couldn't help but feel a hint of bitterness. If the other hadn't stopped him the previous day, then this wouldn't have happened. He would have been dead, and he didn't have to continue suffering like this.

A part of him was also bitter about the fact that Feliks said he wanted to be his friend, yet he was nowhere to be seen while Lovino was framed for yet another 'fight'. But another part was relieved. Lovino realised that Feliks was a victim as much as he was. He'd already survived his encounter with the evil that was bullying. And Lovino didn't want him to be exposed to it again. Not while he was still healing.

He leaned back, trying to calm his nerves. He idly looked down towards the bite mark, seeing the bruise that had already started forming around the indentations. He hated the fact that those bastards made him do this to himself. And he hated himself for being unable to resolve this in a better manner.

He checked his watch, and determining that he still had a few minutes before the bell would ring, he made his way out of the cubicle and towards the mirror. He didn't look too different from normal, and satisfied that he would be able to fool everyone, he waited for the bell to ring before he stalked out of the room.

…

Feliks was nervous as he made his way to the next class. It didn't take him long to figure out that Lovino was supposed to be in the previous class, but he never showed up. He ignored the snickers from the others, and the teacher's disgusted look. He was too worried.

What if Lovino decided to try again?

Just before entering the class he laid those thoughts to rest. Lovino was coming from the opposite direction. Feliks rushed to join him.

"Like, where were you?" he hissed. "I was worried about you."

"What does it matter?" Lovino asked, as he made his way to the back of the class.

Feliks frowned, immediately sitting down next to Lovino. The Italian arched an eyebrow when he saw this.

"Like, I know what really happened," Feliks said. "And I know it's not your fault. And, like, I'm totally sorry I didn't come help, it's just…"

"Forget it," Lovino said. "I know. You didn't want to ruin your reputation before it had a chance to form."

Feliks flinched a bit at that.

"Like, that's not the thing at all," he said. "It's just… I was in your position, and… like, it brought back bad memories."

Lovino sighed, and Feliks was pleased to see that he seemed to soften his expression a bit.

"Feliks!" a familiar voice hissed in alarm.

Feliks turned to see Elizaveta standing there, looking between him and Lovino. She then fixed her gaze on him and forced a smile on her face.

"Um, Feliks, why don't you sit next to me?" she asked.

Feliks shook his head, and Lovino sighed.

"You're just ruining things for yourself," Lovino muttered.

Elizaveta looked as though she wanted to drag Feliks away, but he also realised that she didn't want to do that since it would put her in a bad light. So instead, she sat down in the middle of the class. Close to where Feliciano was.

The teacher soon called the class to order, and Feliks couldn't help but notice the expression on the teacher's face when he looked over towards them.

"Alright class," he said. "As you know, we're all from different corners of the world. So, we're going to do a project. You and your partner will research the historical relations between your two native countries and deliver a report in two weeks' time."

Feliks perked up, before looking towards Lovino, who didn't seem to be thrilled by the idea.

So, I made Lovino a bookworm. There are a few reasons for this decision, such as him being shown as a fan of the Chivalric Romances in canon, and it's also canon that he's read Don Quixote. There's another reason that should come into play a lot later.

Also, I'm not sure whether I want romance between Feliks and Lovino, or if it should just remain a (attempted) friendship. The way I'm currently writing leans more towards friendship, but we'll see what the future brings.

Well, consider this my birthday gift to you.