District Four

Train Ride

Markus Havelock (18)

outside of the window
i was sticking with you
we were only kids then
we'd get soaked right through

grew up at midnight — the maccabees

Dylan's kisses tasted of salt, coconut milk, and sand. Markus had only kissed him once, but the taste still lingered on his lips and brought a smile to his face whenever he thought of the way his friend had bid him goodbye inside the Justice Building, right after Markus's family left the room where the Peacekeepers had left them a little earlier.

Markus had always known that the feelings he had for his best friend were reciprocal; he had definitely felt a spark between the two of them during their most intense training sessions, and he had repeatedly told himself that the way Dylan's hand lingered at the nape of Markus's neck, his fingers fiddling with his best friend's baby hairs long after they were supposed to recoil. They had even gotten matching tattoos when they both turned eighteen, for God's sake; but, for some reason, Markus had never wanted to act on his feelings. There was something magical about the way they acted around each other when they were alone together, almost like lovers who hadn't quite consummated their relationship in a physical way, but with the tenderness and intimacy of a couple that has known each other their entire lives. Because, in a way, Markus couldn't quite remember his life before Dylan — they had been paired up during their first day at the Academy ten years earlier, and they had become inseparable ever since. But then Markus had decided that he wanted to volunteer, and Dylan realized that he couldn't leave his only relative — his ill grandfather — alone in the wretched world that they lived in, and the boy had gallantly assumed Markus's departure, bidding him off with the sourest, yet most beautiful kiss that Markus had ever shared with anyone.

He rubbed the crescent moon tattoo on his wrist with a pensive smile. As long as it stayed there, reminding him of home and Dylan and the salty feeling of his lips against his own, he would never be entirely alone.

"You all right?"

Markus looked up and found his District partner scrutinising him with a somewhat sardonic smile. He knew Adaliah Brochan from the Academy, but they had barely interacted before — she had always been a bit of a loner, particularly after her half-brother was killed in the Hunger Games, and Markus had always been extremely popular, always surrounded by an ample group of friends led by him and Dylan. He didn't exactly dislike her, in spite of her sarcastic personality; he appreciated her hard work and the way she was capable of being assertive and self-confident, which happened to be two traits that Markus himself had lacked all his life. He knew that Adaliah came from a home broken by death and loss, whereas he had always had the luxury of living in a happy, loving household, surrounded by his six sisters, brothers-in-laws, nephews, and parents; where Adaliah was generally left to her own devices by her grief-stricken stepmother and her generally absent father, Markus had never really felt alone, even when he was the only one of the Havelock siblings who still lived at their parents'. Their circumstances and vital experiences were very, very different, and Markus didn't deem himself capable of judging her because of that.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. He stretched his arms a little before adding, "How're you holding up?"

Adaliah shrugged her shoulders before taking a seat in front of him as well. "I don't know, really. My dad was all enthusiastic about it, and my stepmother wouldn't stop crying, so I really didn't know how to feel. Was I supposed to feel guilty, proud, gutted...? Hell, I don't even know."

"You're not supposed to feel anything, I guess," Markus countered. "You just feel stuff, and that's about it. You can't possibly expect to feel exactly what others want you to feel, can you?"

Adaliah shrugged again, a pensive expression on her face. "Yeah, I suppose. I just tend to have a hard time figuring what I actually feel towards stuff, you know." She then offered him a half-smile and nodded her head towards his tattoo. "Did Dylan get to say goodbye before you left?"

Markus blushed. Practically everyone knew that he and Dylan had been inseparable since they were children, but they had never acted romantically or even in a remotely intimate manner towards each other in public — he guessed that Adaliah probably meant it in a friendly way, so he simply nodded and did a sheepish smile.

"Yeah, he came to see me once my family left. My nieces and nephews were still pretty much gutted, which was honestly heartbreaking, but at least we got to say goodbye before the Peacekeepers came."

"So I gather you two got to, like, suck faces for a bit before you had to go?"

Markus nearly choked on the smoothie that an Avox had brought him earlier, coughing violently for a few seconds. He had never thought that other people might have noticed the way he and Dylan acted around each other — he had always thought that they behaved in a perfectly no homo manner when the rest of their friends were around, and never in a million years he would have thought that someone as alien to their reality as Adaliah was would have figured it out so quickly. He scratched his cheek, hiding his tattoo in a self-conscious way, and shrugged the question off with a gentle smirk.

"What on Earth do you mean?"

"Oh, God, cut the crap already," Adaliah replied, her tone sardonic but not exactly unkind (which was somewhat relieving, because some of his friends wouldn't have been all too comfortable with the idea of two boys kissing). "It's very obvious that you two like each other. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you hold hands or kiss in public, but I've always assumed you two were — well, you know, together."

"Well, we've never been together," Markus emphasised his words by using air quotes around the term 'together', then raised his eyebrows at the girl sitting in front of him. "Have you, er, shared this idea with anyone before?"

"What? No," Adaliah chuckled, almost as though the idea itself amused her. "It's none of my business, and I don't think I've ever told anyone anything concerning other people's love lives. I mean, good for you, but I honestly don't even care if you two are actually together or not — I just assumed, that's all."

Markus's brow creased. He could lie and tell her they had never been together, that they had strictly remained friends over the course of the years — which wasn't exactly untrue, but would also count as a fib, since Dylan and Markus had always known that their relationship was deeper and more nuanced than a mere friendship between two Academy trainees. But he was tired of lying, and he needed to share the excitement that had rushed through his body after that single kiss that he and Dylan had shared earlier that day, and he gathered that he would have to lie and pretend a lot more once they got to the Capitol, so he simply shrugged and nodded his head.

"We've never been together like a conventional couple," he replied finally. "But we've never not been together, you know. We had never kissed before today, but he did kiss me earlier this morning at the Justice Building — which caught me off-guard because I didn't expect him to, but yeah. We kissed, and I think that has sort of made us a thing, you know."

Adaliah snorted quietly. "It only makes it a thing if you want it to be a thing."

"I do want it to be a thing," Markus protested, frowning at the girl. He had always felt very strongly about the way gay people had to hide and lead fake lives if they didn't want to be shunned from social life in their District. "The problem is — well, that it's pretty fucking complicated, especially with me leaving for the Games and everything. It's not like you'd understand, though."

Adaliah frowned, her tone suddenly a whole lot more defensive. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I mean, you straight people have never had to hide yourselves," Markus replied defensively. "You just take your rights for granted and simply ignore those who are forced to keep their relationships secret just because they aren't 'proper' enough."

The girl just glared at him in return, before standing up and shoving the chair back into its place a bit too violently. "I'm gay too, asshole."

Markus's defensive expression immediately turned into a shocked one, and the boy stood up and tried to catch Adaliah's arm apologetically, but the girl just shrugged him off with a frown and stormed away.

"Adaliah, I'm so — "

But Adaliah just slammed the door closed and left him there, torn between guilt and surprise and perhaps feeling a little bit of both as he sat on the couch and studied the landscape that rushed past the window.

Adaliah Brochan (17)

and bow your head in the house of god
little girl, who do you think you are?

moderation — florence + the machine

Adaliah closed the bathroom door behind her and sat on the ground, burying her face in her knees and closing her eyes. She knew that she needed Markus as an ally if she wanted to become a member of the Career pack, and that calling him an asshole wouldn't exactly get her in his good books, but she just felt so angry whenever her sexuality was invalidated or mocked that she simply had to leave the room right there and then. She had never been in such an intense relationship as the one described by Markus earlier, but she had had feelings for other girls who had laughed at her or even bullied her after they found out the way she felt about them. Being gay wasn't a crime in District Four, but it wasn't desirable, either; especially amongst girls, who were supposed to marry rich, give birth to five or six healthy little sailors and oblige to their husbands' will. Adaliah had long ago resolved that she would not become one of those suppressed, vain women, and that she wouldn't conform to the norms that their society had tried to impose on her ever since she was a little girl. She wanted to be free, and she wanted to be brave, and she knew that winning the Hunger Games was a one-way ticket towards recognition of her self-worth without having to rely on some man who happened to 'choose' her as his wife. She wasn't a mere piece of flesh for men to toy around with; she was very much alive, and she had always intended to prove it as soon as she got to the Arena.

Someone knocked at the door, and Adaliah found herself snorting in disdain when she recognised Markus's voice behind it.

"Adaliah, I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't — I didn't know, all right? I'm sorry I just assumed you were straight and went on rambling about oppression and whatnot."

Adaliah gulped. She knew that Markus was a genuinely nice boy, and that they could fall into a nice, comfortable alliance if they managed to put their differences aside. Hell, he might even like her better now that he knew that she was like him — a kindred gay spirit, Adaliah told herself with a chuckle. She rubbed her eyes, splashed some water on her face and straightened her floral dress before opening the door, eyeing the tall boy in front of her with a generally neutral expression.

"I just hate it when you boys assume that we girls have to be straight," she replied, crossing her arms and trying not to sniffle. She had had enough of that, she told herself reproachfully before eyeing him again. "We're on the same boat, you know."

"I know, I know," the boy assured her, offering her a little smile. If she hadn't been so very into girls, Adaliah might have even found the gesture somewhat attractive. "Let's go get you some coffee and discuss tactics for a bit, all right?"

Adaliah pursed her lips, but eventually nodded her head in agreement. "All right, let's go."

The two of them walked back to the living room, where Markus tapped on the pad right next to the doorframe, ordering a latte for Adaliah and a sandwich for himself before taking a seat in front of her again. The District Six Reapings were currently taking place, and the girl vaguely observed the way the two tributes shook hands before leaving the stage. The girl was pretty, but also looked fairly imposing; the boy was tall and lean but had a gentler expression to him. Adaliah instantly liked them both, and even smiled a little at the way the two of them had already engaged in conversation before the camera zoomed back to the presenter.

"You seen any promising tributes yet?" Markus asked.

Adaliah shrugged. "Those two from Six looked all right, I guess. I haven't really seen much aside from that."

"The boy from One looks pretty fit," Markus offered. "He'd make a great ally, and so would the girl from Two, I think. But I'm not sure I want to join the Careers just yet."

Adaliah's eyebrows rose. She had always assumed that Markus would simply join the Career pack, or that he may even be the first one to suggest the idea to the other Career tributes; she had never even thought he might have considered the possibility of joining another alliance, or even going solo. He just didn't seem like the kind of person who would have enough drive to do it, but Adaliah found herself admiring the way her District partner seemed to question the very foundations of the Hunger Games by shrugging the Career pack off like that.

"What would you do, then?" Adaliah asked tentatively. She wanted Markus to know that, whether he wanted to join the Career pack or not, she was fully interested in forming an alliance with him either way.

Markus shrugged his shoulders and nodded thankfully when the Avox brought them their snacks and beverages, then sighed quietly once the woman was gone.

"I don't know, honestly," he replied. "I mean, joining the Career pack would be the wiser choice, but I guess we'll have to wait and see what they're all like this year. I mean, it's totally fine if you want to join them even if I don't — "

"Nah, don't worry," Adaliah shrugged, before taking a chunk off Markus's sandwich and popping it into her mouth, smiling playfully at him before adding, "We'll make a decent team, I think."

Markus snorted, but eventually did a half-smile, too. "Yeah, I think we will."

Adaliah wasn't great at making friends, and she had never thought that she would make one after volunteering for the Hunger Games. Friendship was a risky term, because being someone's ally didn't automatically make you their friend — but something told Adaliah that Markus could be trusted and that, even if they had volunteered for a reality contest that basically consisted in killing a bunch of teenagers in order to make it home, she also happened to know that he would never break a promise and that he wouldn't even dream of betraying her unless the Games were down to the two of them. But she was ready for that, too, because she had been taught to be ruthless and quick on her feet and cool in the mind, and she knew that she would be able to handle Markus Havelock himself when the right time came.

But for now, friendship was a decent way to put it, yes.

Tadaah! So there it is. Hope you lot enjoyed this one! I don't have much else to say, I think — stay safe, wash your hands, and take care of your loved ones!

Up next — District 5 + Arrival & Chariot Rides!