Thanks to SparklyMagix and Carina Sicily for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 16

Feliks pulled Marcello further aside, wanting to speak privately with him.

"So… You know that he's being bullied?" Feliks asked, just to make sure.

Marcello nodded his head.

"And you know too," he said. "But Lovino doesn't want my help."

Feliks nodded in understanding. Of course, he didn't know what type of help Marcello was trying to provide. But at least he was aware and was trying to help.

"I… I'm worried about Lovino," Marcello admitted. "When I was taking him to the nurse's office… I think he had a seizure or something."

Feliks felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. A seizure? Did Lovino have a condition or something that would cause seizures?

Was that one of the reasons why they bullied him?

"Like, what do you mean with 'seizure'?" Feliks asked.

"He kept… He kept jerking and he wouldn't stop," Marcello tried to explain. "He couldn't even walk. And he doesn't want me to tell anyone, but… Please, you're always together. Please, keep an eye on him at school."

Feliks nodded. He was planning on doing it anyway.

It was nice to finally have an ally when it came to Lovino. Should Feliks tell him about the state he had found Lovino in the previous week?

No, better not. He didn't want to betray the small amount of trust that Lovino had placed in him.

The two parted ways, and Feliks only barely made it in time for class. And as usual, he had to listen to a few disparaging remarks about Lovino not being in class, before he decided to interfere by saying that Lovino was in the nurse's office and that he was sick.

They quieted down after that, but no concern was shown for the Italian.

…

Lovino was surprised to realise that he had fallen asleep, and he would have continued sleeping, had the nurse not shaken him awake.

"Come on," she said. "School's over."

Lovino sat up, wincing at the new injuries. And as he placed his feet on the ground, he realised that he would most likely have to walk home. With an injured ankle. Again.

Well, he was planning on going to get more bandages. It might have only been a short time left, but with the way the terrible trio were going on, he knew that he would need to have some more.

It was just going to be a huge chore.

As Lovino predicted, the bus was long gone by the time he arrived at the gate. He was just worried that the terrible trio would be hanging around. But then he remembered that they had detention, and he felt a bit better when he realised that he would be safe that afternoon.

He walked a different route this time in order to reach the shopping district. He also had to walk slowly so as not to further aggravate his ankle, but he knew that the amount of walking that he was doing was going to ruin the foot.

He sighed in relief when he reached the small pharmacy, and he quickly started looking for the things he needed. Bandages, ointment, anti-inflammatory cream, and a small pack of painkillers, along with a bottle of water.

As he approached the counter, two other people entered. Lovino knew that something was about to happen based on the fact that the two were masked.

"Freeze!" one shouted, waving a gun around at everyone. "Everyone, get down!"

There weren't many people in the pharmacy, but Lovino could hear their frantic cries. He, on the other hand, remained where he was.

"Didn't you hear me, kid?" the man said, walking up to him with the gun aimed at his head. "Get down."

Lovino stared at the gun. He knew that he shouldn't feel too excited – this was too spontaneous, after all. But it was an opportunity that he just couldn't resist.

And so Lovino pressed himself closer to the gun.

"Be my guest," he said.

The man's eyes widened behind the mask. It was an interesting shade. Clearly, he did not expect this response.

"Are you insane?" the man demanded. "Do you want to die?"

"Yes," Lovino said simply.

A part of him was amused to see the shock on what little he could see of the man's face. Clearly, this was not how the man was planning for this to go. The gun was actually trembling a bit where it was resting against Lovino's forehead.

And then, the man pulled away.

"Fuck this," he said. "Come on! Let's get out of here!"

The robber's companion had seen the scene, and he also threw one look at Lovino before following his partner out of the pharmacy. Lovino sighed. So, it was the third time he failed. Actually… Did failing an attempted suicide-by-proxy count as a failed suicide attempt?

He shook his head, before turning back to the counter. He placed his items on the counter, and it was only when he was pulling out his wallet that he realised that the cashier didn't ring any of it up.

Lovino looked up, and he idly realised that the cashier was also the owner. Well, it was a small place, after all.

"Keep the money," the man said.

"What?" Lovino asked, not understanding what was happening.

The items were placed in a bag, but no amount was displayed on the screen.

"Kid, do you realise how much damage a robbery would have caused me?" the man asked. "Even if your way was a bit… questionable and worrisome, you did save me a lot of money. So, you don't have to pay for any of this."

Lovino simply stared at the man in surprise. What was…?

"But I've got to ask you something," the man said. "Are you serious about what you told that guy?"

Lovino averted his eyes. He didn't want to have to answer to a near-stranger. The man sighed, before he ducked down. He returned and placed something else in the bag.

"It's mild," he said. "But at least you wouldn't need a prescription for it."

He held the bag out for Lovino, who hesitated before he took it. The man nodded his head.

"Thank you again," the man said.

Lovino was still confused, but he nodded before leaving. He walked for a bit until he could find a bench, before sitting down. He reached into the bag, finding the bottle of water with ease, but the painkillers were harder to find. He then noticed what the man had placed in the bag.

It was an antidepressant.

…

Feliks felt a bit nervous when he entered the psychiatrist's office. No matter how many times he went, he remained nervous. It was probably because he was supposed to talk about things that he wouldn't normally talk about with other people.

Matthew smiled when he saw Feliks, and he tried to smile back.

"And how are you feeling today, Feliks?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Feliks said, absently nodding his head.

"Any new developments with Lovino?"

Feliks flinched, before averting his gaze.

"…Like, he's pushing me away," he said. "More than usual. And… Yesterday, he got into detention because of the bullies. They attacked him again today. He ended up in the nurse's office, and apparently the wrist is sprained. Like, he didn't even come to the library, but his brother told me about what happened. And… he told me that on the way, Lovino totally had a seizure or something."

Matthew's eyes widened, and he straightened in his seat.

"A seizure?" he repeated. "Are you sure?"

Feliks shrugged.

"Like I said, his brother told me. So, like, I'm not sure myself."

Matthew sighed, removing his glasses.

"…Something like this could seriously complicate things," he said. "That means that there's some kind of neurological disorder, which could influence his depression. Asides from emotional causes, depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. A neurological disorder would have an influence on the chemical balance of his brain. He needs to see a doctor for that."

"The problem is, he told his brother not to tell anyone," Feliks said. "And if I like reveal that I know…"

"Then he would feel betrayed, which would only push him further away," Matthew nodded. "…He's a tricky one. We need to find a way for me to speak to him personally."

"I don't know… he's really stubborn. But… Like, at least one of his brothers knows that he's being bullied, and he wants to help."

Matthew nodded his head.

"As long as he receives the support he needs," he said. "But… I have to say, I'm impressed. Most of what's bothering you these days is the concern you feel for your friend. Is everything alright with you at school?"

Feliks nodded his head.

"Like, except for everyone trying to tell me to stay away from Lovino," he said. "Oh, and our project is finished. Like, I've never finished a project so early before. And, like, I feel confident that I'm going to get a good grade for the first time in a long time. And it's totally all because of Lovino."

"Did you tell him this?" Matthew asked.

"No… not yet."

"Tell him. Something like this would greatly influence his confidence. And if you keep raising his confidence, then he'll subconsciously want to be around you, which would make your mission to befriend him a lot easier. Have you given him any compliments recently?"

"Like, I told him how awesome it is that he can write with both hands."

"Oh, so he's ambidextrous. Yes, that is something that could boost his self-esteem."

"Like, I also noticed that he likes talking about books. And he really gets into it. I've been trying to keep him busy like that. I know that he likes Shakespeare's plays, and that his favourite is A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Matthew smiled.

"I actually know about something that could play to your advantage," he said. "There's going to be a production of that play starting next month. If you want, I could get you tickets. Or I could speak to your parents about the tickets. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable."

Feliks's face lit up.

"Like, that would be totally fabulous!" he exclaimed.

…

Lovino arrived home, his entire body in pain. He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again.

Soon. Very soon.

He climbed up the stairs, and he could hear his father downstairs, before he arrived at the foot of the stairs.

"Why didn't you go with the bus?" Romulus demanded.

"I had some shopping to do," Lovino said. "Is there a problem?"

Romulus sighed, before walking away. Lovino made his way to his room, but before he reached it, Marcello walked out of his own room.

"How are you feeling?" Marcello asked.

"Like shit," Lovino simply said.

"Do you need something?"

"Sleep."

Marcello averted his eyes, but nodded his head.

"Fratello, about what happened…" he started.

"I don't want to talk about it," Lovino snapped, heading towards his room.

"…Are you sure it's sprained?" Marcello asked.

"I don't even care at this point. I just want to sleep."

He shut the door behind him, stalking towards his bed. He painfully pulled off his clothes, before slipping under the covers. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he couldn't stop himself from running through the events of the day. He particularly thought about the attack by the trio.

This wasn't something that just happened. They planned it. They planned to injure his hand, but were they aware of how much damage they were causing?

…It didn't matter. They wouldn't have cared. In fact, if they knew that they had broken bone, then they would have celebrated.

But there was still the matter of their retaliation. They had received detention because of Lovino, and like earlier, they would retaliate, and Lovino was honestly terrified of what they would do to him.

He just needed to hold out until Friday. The anniversary of his mother's death. This time, he had a better plan. This time, he wouldn't fail.

After a few minutes, he realised that the wrist wasn't going to allow him to rest, and he pulled the bag closer. He froze when he saw the antidepressants, before removing something else he'd bought.

It was a wrist guard, and he could only hope that it was strong enough to act as a splint. There was no way he would tell his father about what had happened to his wrist. He would be yelled at for the injury, and his father would scold him for wasting his money on the doctor's visit to receive a cast. He would still take him to get the cast, but he would make it clear that he wouldn't be happy.

Lovino didn't want to be in that position again.

He removed the painkillers he'd bought, along with the bottle of water, and drank again. He didn't really care about the fact that he'd already had two pills less than four hours ago. And there was no way that a double dose would have been able to do much damage. But wouldn't it have been ironic if he killed himself by accident?

…

Marcello was on his computer, eyes scanning through the search results. His eyes automatically went up to read the search query.

How to help someone with depression.

One of the things they said was to get the person professional help, but he knew that Lovino wouldn't be willing to listen. And then there was the additional problem of getting their father to agree, and convincing him that help was necessary.

Something else they recommended was to spend time with the person, if only to show them that they weren't alone. But how could Marcello do that if Lovino pushed him away?

He saw the look in Lovino's eyes. On one hand, it looked as though he was desperately wishing to cry. On the other, it looked like glass. Almost empty.

It scared him.

He also knew that Lovino had been right. He was afraid of him, and he couldn't even remember why. But he knew that it hurt his brother. And considering everything he'd learned about Lovino lately, he felt horrible for hurting him.

He hadn't been there for his brother. Maybe, if he had gone to Lovino… If he hadn't run away from him, then Lovino wouldn't be feeling the way he was feeling. He wouldn't be cutting himself. He would talk to Marcello about it.

He vaguely remembered being on the ground, and someone standing protectively over him. If not for the curl, he wouldn't have any clue about who it might have been: Lovino. Lovino was standing protectively in front of him.

He remembered that Lovino had kept the bullies away when they were little, but what changed? Lovino didn't become a bully, and…

His stomach sank when he realised that it was because he was the one that made it change. Because he grew afraid of his brother. The brother that tried to protect him.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

He wanted to ask for help. He wanted to tell someone about what Lovino was going through. And he knew that he needed to tell his father about the seizure he'd seen. But he didn't want to betray Lovino's trust. Not after realising in what ways he'd already betrayed his brother.

…

Lovino was sitting in the backseat of the car, fiddling with the seatbelt. He looked at his fingers, which were trembling slightly.

"Mama, will it hurt?" Lovino asked.

"No, my little kitten," his mother said soothingly. "It's just a series of tests. There will be no pain involved, and I promise, if they do hurt you, they have me to deal with."

Lovino smiled, despite himself. She was right. There was nothing his Mama couldn't do. And no one that was brave when they faced her anger.

"There's even a surprise waiting for you when it's over," she said.

"A surprise?" Lovino asked excitedly. "What is it?"

She shook her head.

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise," she said.

Lovino pouted. He hated it if she used logic against him.

"Well… could you give me a clue?" he asked.

Chiara chuckled.

"It's something with long ears and sharp teeth," she said.

Lovino crossed his arms, pout still in place. His mother always did this. But if she added the part about sharp teeth, then it meant that it must have been a really great surprise. Like that book.

He noticed his mother's head whip to the side, and not even a second later, confusion. A sound like thunder. Pain bursting in his left arm, head and right leg. And everything growing dark.

Lovino awoke, gasping for breath. He was covered in sweat, and started to tremble. Tears streamed down his face, and a sob broke free through his lips. He remembered that time clearly. It was the moment when his happiness died, and his hell began.

A truck collided with the side of the car. Lovino's arm and leg were broken, and he received a concussion. But that wasn't the worst part. When he woke up, his father told him that his mother had died. The only person that loved him had died, but he had survived.

He knew that everyone wanted it to be the other way around.

It should have been you!

Lovino curled up in a ball and cried. His body shook with sobs. It wasn't the first time he dreamed about that day, and every time, he was left wondering why he survived, only to live through this hell. He knew that it should have been him that died in the accident, not his mother. Chiara was missed. Lovino wouldn't have been. And his father would have been happy.

He never did find out what Chiara's surprise for him was.

You get a few homeopathic antidepressants that wouldn't need a prescription. That's what Lovino was given. It might not be very potent, but it helps a little.

In Afrikaans, if a child is asking you about information on a surprise, we say 'it's something with long ears', and occasionally we add 'and sharp teeth'. This is how we say that if they want to know what the surprise is, they would have to wait.