Thanks to Senii, SparklyMagix, Carina Sicily, MonalisaRomano17, and for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 20

The three Italians stared at the doctor for a long moment.

"What?" Romulus asked.

"Feliks told us a bit about Lovino," the doctor said. "About how Lovino is bullied in school, and how everyone is under the impression that Lovino is some sort of bullying delinquent. And my wife has met your son as well. He's quiet and considerate, according to her."

Romulus remembered his encounter with the Polish woman earlier that week, and the words she said. It was the first time he'd heard anything positive about his eldest son. And it pained him that near-strangers seemed to know his son better than he did.

"…I can also sympathise with you," the doctor continued, sighing. At that moment, he didn't look like a doctor. He looked like a father. "A while back, Feliks attempted suicide as well. It's why we moved. And I suppose that's why Feliks decided to befriend Lovino. Since he has personal experience with depression, he managed to pick up on the fact that Lovino needed help."

Romulus closed his eyes. Of course, the doctor had gone through the same thing that Romulus was going through now.

"Feliks wasn't at school today," Feliciano said, speaking for the first time since their arrival in the office. "Is he sick?"

"There's a stomach-bug going around, and Feliks seems to have caught it," the doctor explained. "It's only 24 hours, and the last time I checked in, he seems to be doing better. I'm not looking forward to telling him about his friend."

"…You told us about the previous injuries that Lovino sustained," Romulus said. "Why he couldn't have been in a fight. But… Is there anything from today that I should be worried about?"

The doctor nodded his head, growing professional again.

"A lot of bruising and internal bleeding," he said. "A broken nose, and five broken ribs, while three more are fractured. But it's not the most concerning thing about Lovino's physical state. Like I said, there were complications."

"Such as?" Romulus prompted.

"…He overdosed on aspirin, correct? The thing about that medicine is that it irritates the stomach lining when taken on an empty stomach. Lovino should have grown nauseous and vomited it before he could have lost consciousness. The fact that he didn't is concerning. The dosage and his weight also worked against him. Your son is just shy of being underweight, and it looks like he's lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Have you noticed a change in appetite?"

Romulus nodded mutely.

"He's been eating less at breakfast," he said. "And sometimes he would completely miss dinner. But he's supposed to get lunch at school."

"Lovino doesn't go to lunch," Feliciano said.

Romulus turned to Feliciano with a start. Then… what did he pay the lunch fee for?

The moment he thought it, he immediately felt guilty. His son had been starving himself, and he'd been thinking about the fee he paid.

"His weight and the number of pills he ingested made things more dangerous for him," the doctor explained. "Not only did we have to keep him alive, we had to prevent him from slipping into a coma. Combined with the concussion he received – which is another thing that concerned us – it would have been very dangerous for him. None of us wanted that."

Romulus felt his mouth go dry. To hear how injured Lovino had been… and Romulus had been content to leave him just like that.

"And now?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"He's stable," the doctor said, and the three Italians sighed in relief. "However, he has yet to wake up. We don't know when it would be, but it's a regular state of unconsciousness, and not a coma."

"Thank you," Romulus sighed in relief.

"After waking up, he would need to remain at least four days in the hospital under suicide watch. We also need to do a complete psychiatric evaluation. We need to establish whether or not his weight is the result of an eating disorder or a side-effect of his depression."

"How long would it have to be for it to be classified as an eating disorder?" Romulus asked.

"Six weeks minimum is the optimal timeframe."

"I don't think it's an eating disorder," Feliciano said, cocking his head to the side. "Lovino was eating fine two weeks ago."

"There's also the possibility that it's at the beginning phase of the disorder. Like I said, we just need to make sure."

"Is it really so important to know that?" Marcello asked.

"If he does have an eating disorder, then it's an additional psychological issue, and treatment would be necessary. He would already need to see a therapist, at the very least."

"Of course," Romulus said, nodding his head. "Anything that could help him."

"…There's no telling what he would be like when he wakes up. We can't tell whether or not it's something he did out of spontaneity, or if it's something he's been contemplating for a while. We don't know how desperate he is to die, and how he might react."

Romulus swallowed nervously, before he nodded.

"…Can we see him?" Feliciano asked.

"Of course," the doctor said, before he stood up. "Come, I'll take you to his room."

They obediently followed after the doctor, and after a few minutes of navigating the hallways, they arrived at a room, empty save for a hospital bed and its occupant.

Romulus felt a jolt when he saw his son. His head was bandaged, reminding him that he'd had a concussion. His skin was almost as white as the bandage, and it only made the bruises stand out more. The nose was cleaned, so the dried blood was no longer visible. Lovino's right hand was in a cast, and Romulus realised that it was for the broken wrist. The sprained ankle was in a splint and slightly elevated.

Romulus felt a horrible sense of déjà vu. Ten years ago, this was how he first saw Lovino after the accident, except the injuries were reflected. Ten years ago, it was the left arm and the right leg.

But there was more.

They had given Lovino a hospital gown, and for the first time, Romulus could clearly see the scars. The doctor wasn't exaggerating. He knew that it was usually only done on the inside of the forearms, but the outside had several cuts as well. Red, pink and white lines criss-crossed his son's skin, and it also went up to the upper arm. Lovino had really hurt himself. But the bruises he saw around and over the scars reminded him that other people had harmed Lovino as well. But asides from the wounds, Romulus could also see how thin Lovino was. He should have known when he felt how light Lovino was. Even though he wasn't thin enough to be seen as sickly, it was still too thin.

"Why's Lovino's hand tied to the bed?" Feliciano asked.

At that moment, Romulus grew aware of the handcuff connecting his son's uninjured wrist to the hospital bed. The doctor sighed.

"It's unfortunately protocol for suicide watch," he explained. "We don't know how desperate he is yet, but based on the self-harm injuries, we're going to say he's very desperate. This is just to keep him from wandering around and looking for something with which to harm himself. Even if he's not going to attempt killing himself, he might still attempt to injure himself."

Romulus swallowed the lump in his throat. He was growing more and more aware of how little he knew his son. He never could have imagined that Lovino would be willing to do all of this to himself.

"If there are no more questions, then I'll leave you," the doctor announced. "My own son might want to hear about his friend. If you need anything, the button to contact the nurse's station is on that remote."

Romulus nodded his head.

"Thank you for everything," he said.

The doctor nodded, one father to another, before he left the room. The three searched for chairs, and took their positions around Lovino's bed. They would wait as long as they were allowed to for Lovino to wake up, each of them hoping that it would be soon.

…

Feliks was with his mother in the living room, watching TV on the couch. He had been feeling horrible all day, but about three hours ago it seemed as though he was doing better. He didn't want to be in his room any longer, and so he and his mother were watching TV together.

He felt a bit guilty over the fact that she had taken time off work in order to take care of him – especially jarring considering the fact that his father was the doctor. But she just smiled and told him that he was more important.

Their time was interrupted by the shrill sound of Felicja's phone. She sighed, grabbing it, before answering.

"Feliks is doing better," she immediately said.

Based on her words, Feliks realised that it was his father calling her. He turned his attention back to the TV, and only when she let out a startled 'What?' did he turn back to her.

She had a horrified expression on her face, and Feliks couldn't help but wonder what could have caused it. He tried to make out his father's words on the other end, but they were unclear. Eventually, Felicja turned to him and handed him the phone.

"Your father has some important news for you," she said.

Feeling his stomach drop at those words, he quickly placed the phone to his ear.

"Hey," he greeted weakly. "Like, what's going on?"

"I just received a patient who attempted suicide," his father explained. "It's Lovino."

Feliks's eyes widened, and he felt a cold knot in his chest.

"Like, are you sure?" he asked fearfully.

"Lovino Vargas, age 16," his father clarified. "Lives with his father and two brothers."

"Oh god…" Feliks whimpered.

He had hoped that Lovino was doing better. That he wouldn't have been… But no. There were hints that death wasn't far from Lovino's mind. Feliks should have taken better care of him. He should have… He should have told Lovino the previous day about his plans to get the tickets.

"Is he okay?" Feliks demanded.

"He's stable," his father said. "There's no longer a risk of him slipping away. We're still waiting for him to wake up."

Feliks sighed in relief.

"That's good," he said. "Do you think… I can come see him?"

"Normally, it would only be close family allowed," his father said. "But… I think I can pull some strings."

"Thanks."

Feliks ended the call, before turning to his mom.

"Like, do you think you could take me to the hospital?" he asked.

"Of course," Felicja said. "As soon as you get dressed."

Feliks nodded, before dashing off to his room. He needed to see that his friend was okay.

…

Lovino was floating in a cloud of darkness. At first, it was comforting. If it was what death was like, then it wasn't so bad. His eyes were too heavy, and felt as though a veil was draped over them.

But then the pain hit him.

It felt as though his body was on fire. Perhaps it was hell. Well, he certainly deserved it. It was just a shame that he couldn't see his mother. But no hell could have been worse than the hell that he had been living.

But then the scent reached him.

It smelled sharp and… and… like a hospital. Once he realised it, he started to panic. Was he still alive? If so… how? And why? Why… why couldn't he just be dead? Who was the insensitive idiot who stopped him?

"Papa, I'm getting hungry."

The voice… he recognised it. It was Feliciano's voice. Feliciano was there. And so was their father. The last person that he wanted to see. The last person that wanted to see him.

He didn't want to see how disappointed he would be when he realised that Lovino was alive. So… why was he still alive? It was the perfect opportunity. Or… was it because neither Feliciano nor Marcello wanted Lovino to die? Was he only alive because one of his brothers wanted him to be?

…Yes. That was the explanation that made the most amount of sense. If not for his brothers, then their father would have been happier to let him die. And it was guaranteed that, sooner or later, their father would have a remark about it. Would remind him that the only reason why he was alive was because of his brothers.

It wasn't fair! What had he done to earn so much hatred? And why did he have to continue through this hell? Wasn't the universe satisfied with his suffering yet? Whatever crime he'd committed in a previous life, surely he'd atoned for it by now? He could escape this hell. He could see his mother again. He could be in the arms of the only person who'd actually loved him again.

He tried to pretend that he was still asleep. If he could only convince them, then they could leave. They didn't have to pretend. Lovino didn't have to see their lie. However… As the reality of the situation dawned on him, he couldn't help the tears sliding down his cheeks. He only hoped that none of them would notice. Then again, they never noticed anything before. Surely, he could get away with it now.

"…Lovino's crying," Marcello's voice said.

"Lovino?" his father said. "Are you awake?"

He knew that he couldn't pretend anymore. He didn't want to know what his father would say when he continued. And so, reluctantly, he opened his eyes, seeing his father and two brothers through blurry eyes.

"Why am I still alive?" he whispered.

The other three appeared to be relieved when he said those words. He'd failed. Why were they relieved?

"Feliciano came to talk to you, and when you wouldn't wake up, he knew something was wrong," Romulus explained. "We saw the bottle of pills and rushed you to the hospital."

Lovino shook his head. That explained the how. What he wanted to know was why.

"I didn't ask how," he said. "I asked why."

The other three looked a bit uncomfortable now.

"Lovino… we weren't going to let you die," Romulus said. "We love you. We don't…"

"You love me?" Lovino repeated incredulously. "Since when?"

The words had slipped out, but he wasn't in the mood to be lied to. Romulus flinched, Marcello leaned back in his chair, and Feliciano's face fell.

"We're your family," Romulus said. "Of course we love you. You shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. And you shouldn't kill yourself."

Lovino snorted at that.

"Hypocrites belong to the eighth circle of hell," he spat out.

Romulus blinked a bit at that.

"…If this is about what I said earlier, I'm sorry," Romulus said. "I was just angry, and I said something I didn't mean."

Lovino faltered slightly when he heard his father apologise to him. It had never happened before, and even if it wasn't sincere, it was still an oddity. However, his anger at the situation did not wane.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember," Lovino spat. "It wasn't something that involved Feliciano or Marcello, so it wasn't important to you. But do you remember the time I ran away to the cemetery after the accident?"

Feliciano and Marcello flinched, and his father looked torn between anger and confusion.

"Si, I remember it," he said weakly.

"And did you ever stop to wonder why a six-year-old would run away to a graveyard a week after removing a cast from his leg and arm?" Lovino asked.

Romulus hesitated, and it was clear that he hadn't spared it a thought.

"You keep calling me insensitive," Lovino said. "You keep telling me that I should think about other people. And I did. I knew that you were sad after Mama's death, and I wanted to try to comfort you. I knew that you were always happy when Marcello or Feliciano wanted to spend time with you, and I decided that I'd try the same. I took the book that Mama gave me – the one the two of us always read from together – and I asked you to read for me, like Mama used to. But the moment I mentioned her… You yelled at me. You told me that I shouldn't talk about her. That it's my fault that she's dead. And…" he sobbed at this, and took a deep breath to steady himself. "And you told me that it should have been me. You were the first person that told me that I should be dead. And you're the last person that can say that I shouldn't kill myself."

His father looked as though he was slapped. Feliciano and Marcello had horrified expressions on their faces, and it looked as though Marcello was trying to hold in his anger.

"I tried to tell myself that you were just upset," Lovino continued. "That you didn't mean what you said. But… You never apologised. I was waiting for the apology when you took me home. I was waiting for an apology for the next week. And then I realised that it wouldn't come. And you know what the worst part was? You turned Mama into a liar. She tried to tell me that you didn't hate me."

Lovino tried to sit up, not liking the fact that he was lying down, but he grew aware of the fact that it was difficult. He looked down at his left wrist and saw the handcuff. And he also saw that his arm was revealed.

"What?" he whispered, tugging on the handcuff.

"It's standard procedure for suicide watch," his father quickly explained. "This is to keep you from hurting yourself. And, Lovino… Why didn't you tell me that you're being bullied?"