Note: This is a one shot loosely inspired by remembrance Sunday and is set between two of my other Thomas/Richard stories "In Thirty years, I'll Still Love You" and "Coming Home".
It was a cold and rainy Sunday morning when Thomas and the rest of the inhabitants of Downton village and Downton Abbey left the church in a solemn mood. This day always brought back too many memories. They were supposed to remember, maybe it made some people feel better, but all Thomas wanted to do was the opposite. He wanted to forget. He had sat with Richard for the service, who also seemed to have a lot on his mind today as he hadn't said much to him. Thomas hadn't seen Chris around at the service, nor did he expect too. Chris hadn't said much about it but Thomas knew he had a lot of bitterness towards the church and for good reason. He walked out of the church alone, Richard being held up by talking to someone, Thomas didn't really pay any attention as to whom he was talking too. He just wanted to get out. The church was cold and his hand was hurting him. He stood in the churchyard feeling the gentle patter of light rain hitting his hat and covering his coat whilst, waiting for Richard who was now shaking hands with the vicar at the door as you do. Richard was better at keeping up appearances than he was. A group of women walked past him and as they passed he heard one of them say "So many brave heroes are still among us though bearing their scars." That did it for him. He wasn't brave; he only got this ugly trophy because he couldn't cut it anymore. He took another path out of the churchyard, not bothering to wait for Richard.
"Mr Barrow wait," Richard called after him. Thomas didn't turn around to look at the love of his life but Richard must have ran because he was by his side not long later.
"Sorry, I'm not able to take much more off this," Thomas said as they walked.
"I heard what they said. And I've told you many times before that what you did was brave," Richard said.
"But they all think what I did-" Thomas stopped and hushed his voice. "They think what I did was...legitimate. You know, in service of King and country."
"You gave a lot Thomas and asked for nothing but to live, as did I. You mustn't feel guilty," Richard said. If they were alone he would have taken Thomas into his arms right now, but all he could risk was a hand on Thomas's shoulder for a moment.
"Can we just go please?" Thomas asked. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"We'll walk the long way back," Richard said, not saying more on the subject. Little did the couple know that a figure was watching them and was hearing everything that they were saying...
...
Thomas lay awake that night, Richard had not said another word about the subject of his hand and the guilt that he carried with it but Thomas still felt troubled. Richard was lying fast asleep next to him on his side facing him, his chest rising and falling gently as he slept. Thomas eventually found himself drifting off as well, overcome by tiredness.
Suddenly though, after what felt like no time at all, Thomas jerked awake with an unnerving feeling that he and Richard were not alone. He froze when he saw the outline of a woman standing by the window facing away from them. Thomas panicked, Who is that? How did she get in? Why is she just standing there? He thought about waking Richard and was about to do so when the figure spoke. "Shh, don't wake him. It is you I want to see Thomas."
Now Thomas was confused. He had known that voice a long time ago. But that is impossible, she's dead, he thought. The woman turned to face him, she seemed to be glowing a little, and she didn't so much walk towards him, but drift. "No, you can't be," Thomas said, his voice a whisper. "M'lady?"
"Oh don't call me that Thomas. Not much point in formalities like that now. I wish for you to call me by my name."
"Sybil?" Thomas. "I must be going mad. Great, I am finally losing it."
"Don't be silly Thomas, you are as sane as I am," Sybil said. That was meant to reassure him, but Thomas just looked more worried now.
"Oh God! Am I dead too?" Thomas asked.
"What! No! Course not," Sybil said.
"Then how come I can see you? I've never seen you before," Thomas said.
"You can see me because I want you to see me. Apparently that is how haunting works," Sybil said. "Don't worry about your boyfriend, I don't want him to see me, so he won't."
"Right," Thomas said slowly, trying to let all this sink in. "But he may wake and see me talking, presumably to myself."
"Yes, that is something I can't avoid but he is a deep sleeper so that shouldn't be a problem," Sybil said, sitting down on the bed next to Thomas.
"He is," Thomas agreed. "Wait- how do you know he is a deep sleeper?"
Sybil chuckled, "I confess I may have been here one or two times before watching you both sleep. I don't have much to do, other than keep a watchful eye over those I care about. I promise I never saw anything other than you two sleeping."
Thomas now felt ridiculous, blushing in front of the ghost of Sybil Crawley. "Why are you here?"
"Well I heard what happened at the church yard yesterday morning and I thought it was about time I explained a few things to you," Sybil said. "As a friend."
Thomas stiffened. "You don't know anything about that. I never told you, or anyone. Only Richard knows the truth about what I did."
"I found out though. I heard you and Richard talking one evening. And I had my suspicions when I was alive too," Sybil saw the look on Thomas's face that was warning her that this was dangerous territory. But she was dead so nothing could touch her. "I'm sorry if that was an invasion of your privacy-"
-"It was," Thomas said.
"But I don't judge you at all and I agree with Richard that it was a brave thing to do and a wise thing too. You chose to live Thomas, you wanted to live so you did what you had too and it worked. I only wish that more were like you," Sybil said. "I am in a unique position to see your life from the outside and I can tell you that had you not made that decision and not come back from France, then Downton and many people associated with it, would have been worse off."
"That's ridiculous. They wouldn't have missed me, nothing would have changed. Unless for the better," Thomas said.
"I can name several events and people who would have come off worse had you not been around after the war," Sybil said. "My daughter for one."
"Sybbie?" Thomas asked.
"You know how tough it is to watch her and not be able to help her when she needs it the most? There was a nanny that was employed to look after her and my sister's child, George. I watched her neglect my daughter and I couldn't do a thing about it," Sybil said. Thomas heard the sorrow in her voice.
"Why didn't you just decide that you wanted her to see you and give her the fright of her life?" Thomas asked.
"I tried Thomas, but there is another rule of the afterlife apparently. I can decide I want someone to see me, but they have to believe in the possibility of ghosts and she apparently, did not," Sybil explained.
"I don't either," Thomas said.
"Well part of you must as here we are," Sybil said. "Anyway, if you had died then my daughter would have been neglected for far longer. You put a stop to that nanny's cruelty."
"I only discovered what she was doing because I was angry at how she spoke to me. Well I didn't even really know, it was your mother who found out," Thomas said.
"Yes, but they would never have investigated if it were not for you," Sybil said. Thomas still didn't look convinced. "Alright I have another example. My sister Edith. You carried her out of a burning room and alerted the rest of the house so they could all get out safely. You saved the whole of Downton with your actions Thomas. It is quite possible that the whole of Downton would have burnt to the ground if you hadn't been there."
Thomas huffed. "I was only there because-" he hesitated. "I was not there for a good reason. Anyone else could have found out about the fire."
"True, but time was running out for my sister. Someone else may not have been there in time. You deserved more of a thank you for what you did. You saved my family!" Sybil said. Why is he so blind to how much he is needed?
"Fate could result in things turning out exactly the same," Thomas said.
"Fine! Maybe it might have. But what about Jimmy Kent?" Sybil suggested.
"What about him?"
"I saw you. You took his place when those jealous men tried to steal from him and beat him up," Sybil said.
"You saw that too? Don't you have anything better to do than stalk me from beyond the grave?" Thomas asked, exasperated.
"I don't actually and yes I saw all of it. I tried to get Jimmy to see me and I think he may have done, but he didn't really know me anyway and he was too drunk to believe anything he saw. You were stronger than him Thomas, he was smaller than you and he was drunk out of his wits. They would have beaten him up far worse than what you received. No one else was around to save him, but you."
Thomas sighed. She was right about that, he had no choice at the time but to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Jimmy is better now but he could be a fool back then. "Jimmy left anyway though. Eventually," Thomas said. He hated to admit that she was right and he was wrong.
"He did, but he came back didn't he? And he is a much kinder person thanks to knowing you," Sybil said. She knew that she was getting through to him when she saw Thomas fail to hide his smile. "Of course there is also another person who owes a lot to you being alive. I rather like Chris Webster."
"It was thanks to me he suffered in the first place. How much do you know about all that?" Thomas asked.
"Enough. I know what price he paid for his time with you. I also think that he would have ended up in that club anyway even if you weren't there. The important thing though is that it was you he went with. I know he has a soft spot for you, and you do for him in your own way. It is because of this that he came looking for you and it is what made you do the right thing and persevere with your plan to help him. He would have been alone without you Thomas. You saved him."
Thomas thought about how things were complicated in regard to Chris. He did like him, they did share a bond, not love. That was one sided in this relationship, but he couldn't help that and neither could Chris. He had found a friend though in him and Richard was beginning to see that too. He looked behind him to where Richard slept and Sybil followed his gaze. "He is lucky to have you too. You have changed his life. He was lonely before for years you know. He couldn't settle. He was more unhappy than he's let on."
"You haven't been spying on him too have you?" Thomas asked.
"No, I can't leave Downton unfortunately but I have seen his thoughts, the ones he keeps hidden even from you," Sybil said.
"He doesn't hide things from me," Thomas said.
"No one shares every secret or every thought on their mind Thomas, but you do know more about each other than anyone else does yes," Sybil explained.
"Is he unhappy?" Thomas asked.
"No, he is peaceful because of you. You compliment each other perfectly. I knew from the moment you two started making eyes at each other during the royal visit that you were right for each other and I was thrilled when you became a couple." Sybil saw something that not many people get to see. Thomas Barrow's real smile. She knew then that her work was done. "I was always rooting for you, you know. Do you admit now that what you did in France was the right decision?"
"I can see why it could have been. I don't think I can ever remove the guilt though," Thomas said.
"Only you can do that Thomas. But remember, you are necessary and needed for many reasons. Don't you ever think otherwise," Sybil said before adding, "Or I will be a more typical ghost next time!"
"I will remember that," he said, rubbing his eyes that were beginning to feel rather tired again. When he removed his hands though she was gone. "Sybil?" he asked. Typical ghost! Disappears just when you don't want her too. He then remembered that she had found her way into Richard's thoughts. At least that's what she said. He wasn't sure if that was a metaphor or not. Best be careful what he thought from now on though, just in case. He got back into bed and cuddled up to a still sleeping Richard. Thomas was about to kiss his forehead but suddenly felt self-conscious as if he was being watched. It was possible that she was still there but had chosen for him not to see her.
...
Thomas woke to a kiss on his cheek. "Good morning sleepyhead," Richard said. "You slept well I see."
Sybil was right about him being a deep sleeper, Thomas thought as he kissed his lover back. "You didn't hear anything then?"
"What do you mean? What would I hear?" Richard asked, confused.
"I'm not sure. I'm beginning to feel like it was a dream," Thomas said.
"I am still none the wiser Mr Barrow," Richard said, playing with a lock of hair at the back of Thomas's head.
"I think I was visited by a ghost last night, right here in this room while you were asleep," Thomas said.
Richard looked at Thomas seriously. "Who was it?"
"You don't think I am insane?"
"No, I think it could be possible," Richard said.
"You didn't know her, but Lady Sybil Crawley," Thomas said.
"What did she want with you?" Richard asked.
"She just wanted to remind me of how much people have needed me around over the years. She was trying to help me not feel guilty about this," Thomas said, holding up his injured hand.
"Did she succeed?"
"I don't know. I don't think I will ever not feel some guilt, no matter how much others tell me it is misplaced. But I do see how things might have been if I were not here, and it made me think about that at least," Thomas admitted.
"Well that is good. It is a start," Richard said. He looked around the room. "Can you see her now?"
"No, but apparently for people to see her they need to believe ghosts are a possibility and she has to want for us to see her," Thomas said.
"So she could be watching all of this?" Richard asked.
"Yes, although I hope she would respect our privacy a bit more than that," Thomas said, he spoke the last part a little louder as it was partly addressed to any ghosts in the room.
"Well I'm not afraid of ghosts," Richard said as he pulled Thomas closer to him and enveloped him in a passionate embrace as if to prove his point.
...
Sybil laughed. Thomas was right, she should respect their privacy, but she was glad to see them both happy. It was clear though, judging by how things were going between the two men now, that she should take her leave...
Note: This was a spontaneous piece of writing so I hope that you liked it. I only came up with the idea this morning, so I'm not sure if it fits 100% perfectly with the other stories.
For those of you who are reading my latest Thomas/Richard story 'Coming Home', there will be one or two more chapters more of that story in the next week or so.