A/N: Here is another project I've been working on. Progress has been slow, however, as I am bereft of a keyboard. I'm having to use an onscreen, virtual keyboard w/ my mouse since my daughters wrecked my old keyboard. So this isn't up to my usual posting length. In any event, do enjoy this Buffy/Merlin X-over and hope I get a real keyboard soon.

YAHF: Secret Sorcerer (Merlin/BtVS)

Xander Harris had been dismayed when he'd seen that the toy gun he'd planned on purchasing for his soldier costume had been sold. Seeing the beard in Ethan's shop, however, had given him an idea- he'd go as the most powerful Sorcerer of all time- Merlin.

That was a rather fortunate turn of events as Merlin had had experience in unusual, if not outright bizarre, situations before. Xander could scarcely hold back the smile at the memory of Uther marrying a troll while being under enchantment. Still, while the situation hadn't been all that amusing at the time, in hindsight it was rather hilarious.

It was also more than a bit unsettling the parallels he'd noticed between Merlin's friends and his own.

Buffy was more than a little bit like Arthur- especially since her stint as a 17th century noblewoman- more than a bit self-absorbed, but her heart was in the right place. She was also rather oblivious to details that didn't fit into her world view. Willow was a lot like Gwen when Merlin first arrived in Camelot- slightly timid on the outside, yet nerves of steel underneath. Giles, on the other hand, was a dead ringer for Uther, yet his manner was that of Gaius- the two men who were father figures to Arthur and Merlin respectfully. If that wasn't more than a little bizarre and unsettling, Xander didn't know what was.

Then there was Oz- whose calm demeanor was quite like Percival's, amusingly enough. Even though their personalities were quite similar, physically there couldn't be two polar opposites. Percival was the largest and bulkiest of the Knights of the Round Table and even in the harsh winter months in Albion possessed a light tan. Oz was short- even shorter than Buffy and was the least physically imposing member of the Scooby Gang and was rather pale even in the summer months. There was also the fact that Oz was a member of a band whereas Percival barely knew a lute from a flute.

Even Cordelia held similarities with Merlin's friends. Her haughty snobbish exterior was not unlike Morgana's- and existed for quite the same reason. Much like Morgana, Cordy's verbal barbs could cut through even the thickest skin. Unlike Morgana, however, she possessed a distinct lack of darkness, though they possessed that same aura of destiny. Xander felt that she was destined for great things. He merely hoped that whatever lay in her destiny, it wouldn't be too terrible.

In Angel, he saw the parallels to Lancelot. Freakishly handsome and skilled in combat. Buffy was his superior in battle despite the fact that Angel's skill surpassed her own on a regular basis. There was even an aura of stoic nobility about him, always suffering in silence within the shadows. He only hoped that the perils that plagued Lancelot and Arthur's relationships didn't spill over onto Angel and Buffy and he didn't even want to contemplate a Buffy-Angel-Willow love triangle. While it wouldn't be horrible for Buffy to pine over Willow, Willow pining for Angel was too horrible to contemplate- Buffy and Angel's relationship was bad enough.

In himself, even before Halloween Night, he saw the parallels between himself and Merlin. Acting the fool to break the tension and to keep the darkness from getting to his friends, each of whom took themselves way too seriously. The unwavering loyalty, even when at times, those he called his greatest friends and allies took him for granted. Hiding himself from his friends in fear that they might reject him. It was hard for Xander to imagine, even with the assimilated memories and magic, that the greatest magic user of all time, that one of the most well-known and revered legends in human history had an insecurity streak a mile wide.

In his patrolling companion for the evening, Faith, there was a love of fun that rivaled Gwain's. Much like the nobleman pretending to be a commoner, that easy going personality hid away depths that none could possibly fathom. However, where Gwain was nobility and steel-hard willpower, in Faith there was darkness and pain- much in the same way Morgana always hid her own behind her haughty and cold demeanor, offset by her devastating beauty, another thing that Faith and Morgana had in common. Even when she lived in squalor, even knowing what he knew about her, to Merlin, Morgana was simply the single most beautiful creature that had ever existed, even tainted by evil as she was.

Merlin had been of two minds about Morgana's fate. It was easy to see the darkness and madness that had consumed her later in life. But what about the warmth and kindness she possessed in those early days. She was a tyrant Queen when she managed to usurp Uther's throne, but when she was simply the King's Ward, even embittered as she was against Uther's tyranny, she was a gentle and understanding person whom he thought was destined for greatness beyond the halls of Camelot. The guilt he felt about not telling her of his magic, the relief he felt when she'd turned against them that he hadn't told her of his magic... There wasn't a person that Merlin understood more or less, nor a person that he had loved and hated more than any other.

When it came to down to it, Morgana was someone that Merlin was a mess of emotion about and was someone who he always felt he'd done too much, yet not enough for.

Merlin missed his chance to help Morgana- hitting those particular shatter-points from all the wrong angles and instead of bringing her back to the light, he'd driven her further into darkness. Xander vowed to no make the same mistakes, and hoped desperately that he didn't make all new ones.

"Penny for your thoughts, Boytoy?" Faith asked Xander as they patrolled through the cemetery.

It had been a slow night.

"Huh?" Xander replied not-so-eloquently as he was pulled from his musings.

"What's gotcha thinkin' so hard?" Faith asked.

Xander sighed. "Just... Wondering about things..."

Faith rolled her eyes. "If you don't want to tell me, just tell me to fuck off."

"I-It's not... It's not like that at all," Xander replied with another sigh.

"Then what is it?" Faith asked genuinely curious.

"You know we're here for you if you need us, right?" Xander asked in a worried tone, a frown marring his face.

Faith looked both affronted and confused. "What the hell are you talking about!?" She was definitely more than a little defensive.

Xander sighed. "Did you ever hear what happened our first Halloween with Buffy?"

"When you all became your costumes?" Faith asked confusedly, not even remotely sure where he was going with the nonsequitor. "You went as an old man, right? Some sort of crazy hermit?"

"Not quite..." Xander admitted reluctantly.

His heart was beating rapidly and he swallowed nervously as he was more than a little aware of what could happen if things went wrong. Morgana's capture, torture and having left Merlin to die right before the Battle of Camlann was proof of worst case scenario. Even still, Merlin had been in this same position with Morgana more than once, always wondering 'what if?'. Xander, on the other hand, had made an oath on Jessie's grave to do whatever was necessary to fight the darkness. Looking at Faith, he knew that she, like Buffy before her, was worth any risk.

He took a steadying breath.

"We're not perfect, Faith. You'd see it more if you went to school, but none of us are going to try and force you into something you don't want," Xander sincerely told her. "I've noticed lately that everything is always 'you guys' and 'them', never 'us' or 'we'. I'm sorry if we've made you feel excluded."

"Xander, you're not making sense." Faith said in an annoyed tone.

"Watch," Xander told her as he bent down and picked up a twig. He held out his right hand, palm up. He then placed the twig on his palm, perpendicular to his fingers. The irises of Xander's eyes glowed gold as the twig lifted an inch from his palm and hung there a moment before streaking off to his left, her right, at a speed Faith almost couldn't follow.

"Oof!" Someone grunted nearby. He looked down into his chest at the hole in his shirt the twig made and then looked up at Xander and Faith in horror right before exploding in a cloud of dust.

Faith took a step back from Xander. "Who- what- are you!?"

Seeing Faith's look of utter terror broke Xander's heart. No matter what she thought of her place in their group, she was still one of his girls. He swallowed hard and turned away from her, his head bowed. "That Halloween affected a lot of people in different ways. It's subtle for most, barely noticeable unless you know how to look. Those not in the know were left with barely an echo. The more a person had in common with their costume, the stronger the echo. Those in the know were affected more strongly. Buffy gained an understanding of the French language and culture which she has since mostly lost due to lack of practice, yet she still retains a noble bearing as she is the default leader of our group. Willow's potential to use magic has increased by an order of magnitude. Since she spent the night as her own spirit, she has a greatly increased sensitivity to the magic around her and the magic she uses. She now has the greatest magical potential of any practitioner of magic since a young boy named Emrys was born in the small village of Ealdor. Unfortunately... It also leaves her open to magical influences."

"And you?" Faith asked hesitantly, wondering why he was telling her all this.

"It was surprising to find out I had so much in common with him," Xander told her. "I was changed more than the others- I gained a portion of his very being, his power, the very essence of a creature of the Old Religion. I don't use magic... I am magic."

"If that's true, why can't me or B or Red sense you?" Faith asked.

"Mostly, because you are all very inexperienced with that power- Willow especially and Buffy has never been all that good with it," Xander explained. "Besides... Like me, Merlin was good at hiding who he was."

"Merlin!?" Faith exclaimed. "Like King Arthur, Sword in the Stone, Merlin!?"

"Yeah... That Merlin," Xander replied tiredly.

"You didn't tell them, you never told any of them," Faith realized. "Why not?"

Xander's tone went from sad to bitter. "Because I'm Xander, the idiotic, clumsy, bumbling fool. You all remind me so much of Arthur and the others- both the good and the bad- it hurts sometimes." He half turned to face her when he said that.

"So why tell me? Why me and not the others?" Faith inquired, her eyes narrowed. "Who do I remind you of?"

"Someone who Merlin loved as much, if not more than he loved Arthur and Gwen, and hated just as much," Xander sadly told her. "I'm hoping that by trusting you like how he wanted to trust her, but never did, that you won't travel her path."

"Who?" Faith demanded.

Xander's head bowed once more. "Morgana Pendragon. Morgan Le Fey. One of the kindest and THE most beautiful woman Merlin had ever met. Someone Merlin felt he failed countless times. The others... They don't need another supernatural powerhouse. They need someone who is normal, someone who keeps them grounded and reminds them who they fight for."

"And I don't?" Faith asked, unable to quite process the fact the Xander was trusting someone who reminded him so strongly of Merlin's greatest enemy.

"No. You're not Buffy and that's not a bad thing," Xander assured her.

"What's to stop me from telling the others?" Faith asked uncharacteristically solemn.

"Because I'm trusting you," Xander replied.

"Who else knows?" Faith inquired.

"Drusilla, for sure." Xander explained. "She's a seer and has called me Emrys on more than one occasion." Faith's eyes widened at the name, both connecting it to Merlin and his comments about Willow. "Maybe Spike and Angel, but I doubt it. I do think they suspect something is different about me though. Giles might suspect, but he hasn't said anything. You're the only one I've told."

Faith frowned. "Why didn't you take Angelus out? If you've got all that power..."

"It was a hard decision and not one I'm really proud of," Xander confided. "It all comes down to Buffy and keeping her trust, really. I couldn't deal with Angel directly without alerting her and I couldn't get the others without alerting Angel. I can't help her if she won't let me so I let dozens die through my own inaction to help her save hundreds, if not thousands later."

"Cold," Faith replied neutrally.

Xander shrugged and nodded. "Like I said, I'm not proud. Unfortunately, when I finally got tired of waiting for Buffy to deal with Angel, Drusilla ambushed me with a spell that suppressed my magic."

"And The Judge?"

"Oz ended up with the gun I was going to use that Halloween night and became a spec ops soldier for the evening so he was able to come up with a solid plan to take out The Judge," Xander stated. "If that had failed... I'd've revealed myself then."

There was an uneasy silence between them.

"I won't tell them, but you should. Soon," Faith told Xander. "Things like that always come out at the worst possible moment."

"I know."

"Xander... Thank you... For trusting me," Faith said.

"Thank you, for not judging," Xander replied. "We still on for tomorrow night?"

"I... I don't know..." Faith responded back looking conflicted.

Her stomach felt like it was twisting itself in knots when he smiled weakly back at her. "Whatever you decide... I'm still your friend. You can count on me for anything."

"I-I've gotta go..." Faith said rushing off.

Xander hoped he'd imagined the tears he saw her shed. "Bye, Faith..." He replied dejectedly walking away in the opposite direction.