Thanks to MonalisaRomano17, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 25

Feliks was walking along with Feliciano towards the school gate. Feliciano had explained that their father would pick them up so that they could go visit Lovino in the hospital, and asked Feliks if he wanted to come along. Feliks immediately said yes.

He already texted his mother with the new plans, and so he was free to go with the Italians. He wanted to see Lovino again. He couldn't get the thought that he was the one responsible for Lovino's state out of his head. He also couldn't get the others' reactions out of his head.

And they tried to convince him that Lovino was the jerk?!

Luckily, most of them were silenced by Feliciano's outburst earlier that morning. Everyone was left speechless, but still, there were those that tried to twist the incident around to make Lovino the jerk. A bad influence on his poor, sweet brother who needed to be locked away in juvie as soon as possible.

Feliciano had also heard all of these. And he made it clear to his friends that if any of them had a bad thing to say about Lovino, then they could no longer call Feliciano a friend. At least some of Feliciano's friends were genuinely supportive, like Kiku.

Feliks had been asked to join Feliciano and Marcello for lunch, and he had accepted, but he'd found it to be incredibly awkward. The only thing they could talk about was Lovino, but it was clear that Feliciano was grateful to Feliks for being there for his brother when he hadn't been. The same with Marcello.

Speaking of the younger Italian, he fell into step next to them, and the two brothers started searching for their father's car. Feliks had no idea what the car looked like, so he couldn't help.

"There," Feliciano said, grabbing Feliks's arm and pulling his attention towards a silver car nearby.

Feliks nodded, and soon the three of them were climbing into the car.

"Ciao," Romulus greeted tiredly. "And hello, Feliks. I'm assuming that you want to visit Lovino too?"

Feliks nodded as he climbed into the backseat with Marcello.

"Tak," he said. "Um, thanks for the ride."

Romulus gave a small smile, before he started the car and drove off. Two blocks later, Feliciano finally released a heavy sigh.

"Papa, I don't think Lovino should come back to this school," he said.

"What?" Romulus asked. "Is it that bad?"

"They were laughing at him for trying to kill himself. And… Those three… They called him stupid for failing."

Feliks paid close attention to Romulus. The older male clenched the steering wheel a little too tightly.

"And what about the teachers?" Romulus asked.

"I went to tell Mr Walters that Lovino would be absent," Feliciano said. "He wasn't even worried when I told him that he was in the hospital. It was only after I told him that it was attempted suicide… And the other teachers tried to avoid talking about it. Also, the doctor was right. The fist does get hurt when you punch someone."

Romulus quickly glanced towards Feliciano, a shocked expression on his face.

"Did you punch someone?" he demanded.

"They were saying horrible things about Lovino," Feliciano said. "I couldn't just let them get away with it. They were calling him the worst brother in history."

Marcello flinched as well, and Feliks looked between the two in sympathy. They both realised that they hadn't been there for their older brother, and to hear someone calling Lovino by a title they felt that they deserved must have been painful.

Feliks knew that he deserved the title of worst friend. He couldn't help Lovino.

They arrived at the hospital before long, and the four of them made their way to Lovino's room. When they arrived, Feliks couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw Lovino reading a book. At least it was some semblance of normalcy.

"Fratello?" Feliciano called out.

Lovino looked up, and there was a complicated look on his face as his eyes flitted between all of them. There was also a bit of sorrow when the eyes lingered on Feliks, and the Pole remembered what Lovino had said about people only using him to get to his brother. That was probably what he was thinking now.

"Like, I hope you don't mind that I came along too," Feliks said. "Like, it was quiet without you today."

Lovino scoffed when he heard that.

"I'm guessing everyone was disappointed by the fact that I failed," he said.

The other three teenagers flinched when they heard that. It wasn't technically wrong. Everything that the other students had said about Lovino and his failure to commit suicide… It was horrible.

"Like, Feliciano punched someone," Feliks said.

"What?" Lovino asked, completely surprised.

"Gilbert," Feliciano said. "He was saying the most horrible things about you, fratello. I couldn't let it happen anymore. And Francis and Antonio were also saying horrible things. But…"

Feliciano trailed off, an awkward expression on his face. Marcello decided to break the ice.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

Before Lovino could answer, a throat was cleared behind them. They all turned to see Feliks's father standing there.

"Papa," Feliks greeted.

"Hi, Feliks," he said, smiling softly, before turning his focus to Romulus. "Mr Vargas, I'd like to have a word with you in my office."

Romulus nodded his head, and Lovino flinched, shrinking back. Noticing this, Feliks made his way towards his friend and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Like, I know this part is hard," Feliks said. "But I promise, it will get better."

Lovino hesitated, before he looked down at Feliks's arm. Feliks followed his gaze, and then adjusted it a bit. He could understand why Lovino had sympathised with him when he saw the cuts. Lovino's arms were nothing but cuts.

"Like, are they only on your arms?" Feliks asked.

Lovino tensed, and he sent a furtive look towards his brothers. Their fathers had already left. Marcello and Feliciano were watching him closely, and he averted his gaze.

Lovino's silence was all the answer they required.

No one knew what to say. Feliciano and Marcello were shifting awkwardly, and Feliks knew that he needed to start the conversation.

His eyes landed on the books, and he grinned.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

Feliciano and Marcello looked relieved that Feliks took the initiative, and Lovino blinked in surprise, before turning to the books.

"Italian editions of the Divine Comedy and the Decameron," Lovino said. "Classics. They're not completely written in the original Italian, but they're close enough. I actually read Divine Comedy in English before, but it's interesting to see it in Italian."

Feliks smiled when he saw Lovino's eyes light up when speaking about books. It was a light that no one else saw. Even Feliciano and Marcello appeared to be genuinely surprised by the light Lovino was displaying now.

How could anyone have missed it?

…

Romulus followed the doctor to his office, where a young man was waiting. The man gave him a soft smile.

"Mr Vargas, this is Doctor Matthew Williams," Doctor Fryderyk explained. "He's a psychiatrist."

Romulus remembered that there was supposed to be a psychiatric evaluation done on Lovino, and he realised that that was probably what the doctor wanted to discuss with him.

The two shook hands, and Fryderyk gestured for them both to sit.

"First, I think we should discuss Lovino's physical state," he said. "That attack he had last night? It's chorea. It's a form of involuntary muscle movement that affects the arms and legs. Have you ever seen Lovino as clumsy?"

He recalled a few broken vases and dishes when Lovino was supposed to be helping with chores, and he nodded his head.

"Now you know why," Fryderyk sighed. "I also managed to track down his medical records from ten years ago. You said that they were on their way to the hospital?"

"Si," Romulus said. "When the accident happened, Lovino was supposed to have tests."

"And I see that he received a concussion in the accident, but it didn't receive a follow-up. It's possible that the concussion managed to affect the chorea. I asked him a bit about it, and he said that it's been happening a bit more frequently recently. Emotional strain could also have an effect."

"Can it be treated?"

The doctor nodded, glancing towards a paper.

"His medication is one of the prescriptions," the doctor said. "While in the hospital, we can control his dosage. Once he leaves, it will be up to you to monitor it."

"Of course," Romulus said.

Considering what had happened, no one was going to take a chance with giving Lovino medication.

"I also prescribed a sleep aid for him," Fryderyk continued. "The nurses on duty last night reported that he's been suffering from nightmares. And then some vitamin and mineral supplements."

Romulus felt a jolt when he heard that, but he nodded his head in understanding.

"I guess it's my turn," Matthew said, glancing towards Fryderyk before turning his attention back to Romulus. "I would like to see him at least twice a week. We can arrange appointments at my office."

Romulus nodded in understanding.

"Normally, I'd be subject to a doctor-patient confidentiality agreement," Matthew said. "The rule can be bent a bit when dealing with underaged patients, especially due to a psychiatric evaluation. And there are a few things about your son that I need to discuss with you."

"Alright," Romulus said, his throat going dry.

"First of all, your son suffers from very low self-esteem. He also shows signs of affection starvation. He's pretty talkative, at least when he feels that someone is willing to listen. However, he doesn't seem to be willing to open up to people. At least, not easily. It took him a while to calm down. But I saw that he had a few indicators of PTSD."

"What? But… how?"

"Lovino didn't receive any therapy after the accident, correct? That could have been when it started. He also showed signs of what resembles survivor's guilt. For one thing, his attempted suicide was premeditated. And his original intention had been to do it today, on the anniversary of his mother's death."

Romulus shuddered when he heard that, and his heart became encased in ice. It wasn't a coincidence. He had intended to die on…

On the day he felt that he should have died.

His conversations with Lovino the last two days confirmed the doctor's claims, and he felt guilty that he never picked up on it.

"He also doesn't appreciate being in close proximity to others," Matthew continued. "His body language was the same as when someone's fight-or-flight response is triggered. It took a while for him to feel comfortable. Considering his history with bullying, I can understand why that's the case. Feliks also told me that his brother explained that he doesn't like to be hugged, especially from behind. And I managed to learn from Lovino that his bullies would often grab him from behind. He associates a particular action with danger and his instincts respond accordingly. Though, it might not always be a good thing."

All those times Lovino would get angry at Feliciano for hugging him… All those times, Lovino reacted out of a fear response. And Romulus scolded him for that.

There was also the horrible realisation that Lovino reacted out of fear for having his brother hug him. What else had they done to his boy?

Matthew sighed.

"I managed to get Lovino to tell me about some of the things the bullies had done to him," Matthew said, his expression growing disturbed. "I know that kids can be cruel, but… some of the things they've done to him are downright monstrous. He's been physically, mentally and emotionally abused for years. Among other things, he became convinced that it was his fault that they assault him."

Romulus flinched. Some of the things he'd read…

"I found these books," he started weakly. "Lovino intended them to be his suicide note. All of the things said to him. And he's been keeping them for years."

Matthew frowned when he heard that.

"I'll see if I can get him to tell me what that's about," he said. "But for someone like him… I don't know if it was a coping mechanism or something."

"What exactly does that mean?" Fryderyk asked.

"Well, Lovino has a perfect word recall. I tested his memory – even got an extract from a book he'd read years ago. I only read the first sentence, and he managed to repeat it word-for-word. The same thing happened to something he heard. It's actually extraordinary."

"What?" Romulus asked.

"Your son has an extraordinary talent to remember anything he's read or heard. And unfortunately, it meant that he can't forget the verbal abuse. I wonder how he managed to live this long. Anyone with his talent and circumstances would have gone insane a long time ago."

Perfect word recall. Lovino remembered everything that was said to him. That explained how he could have written down everything that Romulus had said to him the previous day.

"Do you think it's safe to send him home?" Fryderyk asked.

Matthew shook his head.

"He has suicidal tendencies," Matthew said. "I think it would take at least another week. And if his condition doesn't improve… He needs to be sent to a clinic or something."

"Is it really that serious?" Romulus asked.

Matthew looked uncomfortable, but he nodded.

"Unfortunately, I can't give you any details, as it violates the doctor-patient confidentiality agreement," Matthew said. "But… Well, let's just say that, depending on who you ask, Lovino is either the luckiest or unluckiest person in the world."

"You said he has suicidal tendencies," Fryderyk interrupted. "That would imply that there's been more than one attempt."

Romulus gasped at that, and he turned to regard Matthew, who was pointedly looking away from him.

"Is this true?" Romulus asked.

"I can't say," Matthew said. "I would be violating the confidentiality of two patients."

That was the only clue Matthew was willing to give. Romulus glanced towards Fryderyk, who seemed to have come to the same realisation. The reason why Feliks seemed to have known that Lovino needed his help… was because he'd seen it first-hand. Which meant that Feliks had walked in on Lovino before. Which meant… Lovino had tried to kill himself at school…

Romulus felt nauseous. His son had been suffering, and he had been blind to it all. What could have happened to make Lovino want to end his life there?

"Lovino's twin brother told me that I shouldn't allow Lovino to return to that school," Romulus said. "That… That it wouldn't be good for him. What do you think?"

Matthew sighed, removing his glasses to rub his eye.

"Feliks told me a bit of Lovino's school situation," Matthew said. "And I also learned quite a bit from Lovino. It's tricky. On the one hand, returning him to that toxic environment would most likely force him to make another attempt, but on the other hand, a new environment will be overwhelming. I don't know enough about Lovino's skills in adapting to a situation to know how he would react."

Romulus sighed.

"Feliciano told me that they were laughing at him because he failed," he said. "That they were calling him stupid and stuff. He also said that the teachers didn't particularly look as though they cared."

"The school will definitely be a bad environment for him," Matthew said, agreeing. "Perhaps, if he had a friend or something at a new school, to at least make things easier for him. Or, you could try home schooling, at least until he's more mentally stable."

Romulus wished that the psychiatrist didn't have to phrase it like that. He didn't want to believe that Lovino was mentally unstable. But he knew that he was emotionally unstable. And Romulus was one of the reasons for that. He didn't give his son much-needed help, and he ignored every attempt from Lovino to obtain the help that he needed. That he wanted.

"Is there anything else we should know?" Fryderyk asked.

"I prescribed an anti-depressant for him," Matthew said. "I also prescribed some lithium pills. He shows signs of bipolar disorder. I would just like to stabilise that a little. What are his sleeping patterns like?"

"He sleeps a lot, especially in the afternoon," Romulus said. "He sometimes skips meals in order to continue sleeping."

"Hypersomnia. When he's discharged, you need to keep an eye on his sleeping patterns. Do not allow him to sleep for more than an hour in the afternoon, and assign him a curfew, where he doesn't sleep earlier than that. Hypersomnia can be a symptom of depression. You could also try to see if there's an exercise he's willing to do. He needs some endorphins as well."

"I'll try," Romulus said. "But he's never really showed interest in anything."

"I'll return next week Monday," Matthew said, looking between the two other males. "I'd recommend keeping him in suicide watch for at least a week. He's really in a bad place. But, Lovino likes books. I'd start by making sure he has enough to read."

"I actually went to the bookstore to get some new books for him," Romulus said. "I looked at his bookshelf, and I believe I have a good idea of what he likes."

"Good," Matthew said. "What he needs right now is to know that you're there for him. The thing he fears the most is that things will revert to the way they were once you decide that he's better."

Romulus felt the muscles in his throat jump. No, things wouldn't return to the way they were. Not if it was what caused Lovino to want to end his life.

Romulus was about to head back to Lovino's room, but Fryderyk stopped him.

"There's something else I should tell you," he said. "I didn't want to say it in front of your sons, but it's related to Matthew's statement about Lovino being lucky."

"What is it?" Romulus asked, dreading the answer.

"His injuries were very severe. I already told you about the internal bleeding. Even if he didn't swallow those pills… It's doubtful that he would have survived the night."