Thanks to lukabondevik, Carina Sicily and ann25099 for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 27

Marcello, Feliciano and Romulus got into their car, completely shocked by what the pharmacist had told them. Lovino had been caught in a store robbery, and had told them to shoot him. Romulus felt sick just thinking about it.

Lovino was in a truly dangerous situation, and he had made it potentially more dangerous for himself. If the robbers hadn't been scared off… Then Lovino would have gotten what he wanted. He would have died. In fact, the pharmacist said that Lovino admitted to the robber holding a gun to his head that he wanted to die.

And Lovino hadn't told them about it. And Romulus could understand why. Lovino didn't trust them. Romulus tried to think of how he would have reacted if Lovino did say anything about the incident. He wanted to believe that he would have been able to help his son in some way, but the cold truth was, if Lovino had told him, then he would have dismissed it as a lie. As an attempt to get attention.

And what else? What else did Lovino not tell them? How many close encounters did he have? How many times had he managed to cheat death? And what did Romulus say to Lovino that day? Did he have to endure something as horrific as a robbery and still be forced to listen to his father verbally abusing him?

And the worst part was, Romulus knew that he couldn't ask Lovino about it. It would only push him further away. And at this point in time it would be a tremendously bad idea. If he pushed his son away… If he caused Lovino to feel that same desperation that he had felt before swallowing those pills… There was a chance that he would try again. And the next time he tried, he might just be successful.

Barring the time he was told about the accident, he'd never been so afraid in his life. He'd lost his wife, and he almost lost his son. And now, he was extremely close to losing his son again. Almost did. Like the psychiatrist said, Lovino's mind was unstable. The slightest push could send him crumbling down. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that the psychiatrist was right. He'd seen how unstable Lovino's mind was the previous evening, when he unleashed his pent-up anger and demanded to know why he was alive.

Romulus glanced towards Marcello. It didn't escape his notice that his youngest son had grown protective of his eldest. But Marcello had seen Lovino suffering, and had seen how no one else was willing to help him. He'd seen first-hand how broken Lovino was. And after the revelation at the pharmacy, Marcello in particular looked shaken up.

That wasn't to say that Feliciano wasn't horrified by the revelation. Feliciano was desperately trying to hold back his tears. But Marcello had seen the signs, and had tried to fix the danger. He felt like a failure.

But Marcello wasn't at fault at all. He at least had seen the pain Lovino was going through. He at least had tried to help. And what did Romulus do? He pushed his son over the edge. If anyone had to make it up to Lovino, it was him.

Which was why he stopped in front of another store.

…

"Wow," Marcello said, going through the box. "Lovino has some pretty nice bookmarks."

Feliciano nodded his head in agreement. Their father was busy directing the deliverymen, and the two brothers decided that they would look for a bookmark for Lovino. He had quite the collection. Many of them were artistic, which was a stark contrast to many bookmarks they'd actually seen the few times they'd gone to the bookstore.

"Look," Marcello said, holding up a particular bookmark.

Feliciano leaned closer, and the two read the words on the paper. To Lovino Vargas. Happy birthday. Might your year be full of happy reading. Dorello Books.

It was the name of the largest bookstore in the town. Did Lovino frequent it enough for them to create a personalised bookmark for his birthday?

"Why don't we take this one?" Feliciano suggested. "It might, you know… show him."

Marcello looked towards his brother, seeing the guilt on Feliciano's face. Marcello nodded his head in understanding and agreement.

"And we can probably ask him about how they know his birthday," Marcello said. "Hey, Feli? Would you like to do something to show Lovino that we care about him?"

They had made it a point to stop calling him 'Lovi', after hearing that his tormentors used that nickname when they were torturing him. They didn't even dare to call him that when they were alone. Somehow, it just felt wrong. Like a slap in the face.

Feliciano looked at Marcello, a sad yet eager look on his face.

"Of course," he said. "If it helps him, and if it shows him that he's not alone."

Marcello smiled, before gesturing towards the bookmarks.

"We know what he likes," he said. "Maybe you can make one?"

Feliciano's eyes widened as his face lit up.

"Si, I can do that!" he exclaimed. "Something that Lovino would really like!"

Feliciano went through the bookmarks again, studying them closely. Marcello frowned in thought.

"Hey, Feli," he said. "I just realised… I don't remember ever buying Lovino a birthday gift."

Feliciano froze, before he looked down in guilt.

"And I didn't exactly give him gifts that he would really like," he said. "I mean, Lovino once gave me this kit with about 120 coloured pencils. Ve, those things are pretty expensive. And I… I usually just give him boxes of chocolate or something."

Marcello winced.

"Si," he said. "The type of gift you give when you don't know what to give."

The two were silent for a while.

"You're sixteen," Marcello said. "Why don't we make it up to Lovino? Sixteen birthday gifts?"

Feliciano beamed.

"That sounds like a good idea!" he said. "But… would we have enough money?"

Marcello turned his attention to the upstairs.

"I have a feeling that padre might be a bit more willing to help us out than he usually would have been," he said.

…

When Nurse Tino went to check on Lovino Vargas, he found the boy to be asleep. Considering it was a hospital with little to do, he wasn't too surprised. But it would seem that Lovino at least had some form of entertainment.

Tino eyed the pile of books, wondering if the teenager would really be able to read all of them. Perhaps it would be necessary to get him some music in here as well. And perhaps get him a remote for the TV.

He needed to check on Lovino's vitals, but he would let the boy rest for a while. He was there under suicide watch, and though Tino didn't know the circumstances, he knew that it wasn't something one did because things were going great.

Tino busied himself with the report from the nurse who was in charge the previous shift. She mentioned in the report that the restraint had been moved to his uninjured ankle to allow him to read his books. He was also given a pizza to eat at his leisure, which was also the only thing he seemed willing to eat at the moment. Which would explain the large box.

While Tino was looking at the paper, he suddenly heard a whimper. He turned around to the patient, whose face was twisted in distress.

"Lovino?" Tino asked.

The boy remained asleep, but his breathing had picked up and he was starting to thrash his head side to side. A nightmare.

Tino didn't know whether or not to wake the boy, but then he let out another whimper.

"N-no," he whimpered. "S-stop."

Tino decided that it would probably be a good idea to wake the teen, but just as he reached out his hand, the boy let out a cry, filled with terror.

"No!" he cried out.

Tino quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and gently shook.

"Lovino, it's alright," he said. "Wake up. You're safe now. You're safe."

The boy's eyes snapped open, but Tino could tell that he wasn't yet awake. He was still trapped in whatever horror he was facing.

Still processing that fact, he didn't realise that the boy had started struggling again, at least until he was punched in the chest. As he recovered, he realised that Lovino was looking around, as though searching for something. His eyes widened in horror when Lovino brought up his injured arm and slammed it down on the side of the bed, where the metal railing was.

"No!" Tino exclaimed, grabbing hold of Lovino again. "Don't do that. Don't…"

Lovino wasn't in his right mind. He was a teen looking for some way to escape reality. But in his case, it had been a fantasy. A nightmare. A nightmare that shook him to the core.

"I need help in here!" Tino shouted.

Tino was holding down the boy's arms, trying to prevent him from slamming his broken wrist into the side of the bed again. He felt dismayed when he noticed the teen kicking out, his injured ankle coming into view.

A few other nurses and even one or two doctors came by. They immediately set to work trying to calm Lovino down.

"What happened?" one of his colleagues asked.

"He had a nightmare and this happened," Tino explained.

"A nightmare?!" another nurse asked. "This looks more like a PTSD episode!"

That made Tino pause to think. Did the teen have a nightmare of something that actually happened in his life? And was it something that helped contribute to him thinking that it would be better for him to die?

"Give room," the tired voice of Doctor Fryderyk spoke from beside him.

They did as the doctor asked, watching him inject something in the boy's arm. A sedative. Lovino cried out at the initial shock of pain, and after a few seconds his struggles grew weaker. Tino watched as his eyes rolled back in their sockets before they closed, and the boy was sleeping again.

Relieved that everything was over, everyone moved away and started drifting off to resume their work. Tino slumped in relief, before Doctor Fryderyk patted him on the arm.

"What exactly happened?" Fryderyk asked.

"He had a nightmare, and after he woke up, he slammed his broken wrist into the side of the bed and…" Tino started to explain. "He was muttering 'no' and 'stop'. You don't think…?"

Fryderyk narrowed his eyes.

"Whatever it is, it seemed to have traumatised him," he said. "We can't afford for him to have an episode like that again. Until further notice, he is not allowed to sleep during the day, and when he does sleep at night it would be after receiving his medication. Make sure that everyone gets this message."

Tino nodded his head, before glancing towards the unconscious teenager. If it really was a memory he was reliving, then Tino shuddered to think of what it might have been.

…

"Well, we're going to have to add a bit of variety," Romulus said thoughtfully. "I don't think having nothing but books would be the best set of gifts."

They were in the hospital, on their way to Lovino's room. Feliciano and Marcello had told their father about their idea regarding making up for lost time regarding Lovino, and the older male had to agree that it didn't sound like too bad an idea. Of course, it wasn't only the gifts, but also spending time with him. Actually getting to know him.

When they neared Lovino's room, Romulus could immediately tell that something was wrong. Fryderyk was standing outside, a grim expression on his face. And when the doctor noticed them, he left his post to meet them.

"Did something happen?" Romulus asked, thinking of the doctor's words earlier. How Lovino's injuries would have been enough to kill him.

"Unfortunately," Fryderyk sighed. "Lovino fell asleep and apparently had a triggering nightmare. When he woke up, his first instinct had been to slam his broken wrist into the bed's metal railing. He's been sedated before he tries to hurt himself again."

Romulus's eyes widened when he heard that. A nightmare caused Lovino to try to hurt himself? And slamming a broken wrist into metal… that had to hurt.

"W-will he be okay?" Feliciano asked.

Fryderyk glanced towards him and sighed.

"To be honest, I'm not sure," he said. "I already informed the psychiatrist, and he's coming tomorrow. But it's as Doctor Williams said: it looks almost as though Lovino is suffering from PTSD. The way he was acting earlier… And according to the nurse in charge when this all began, he said something pretty worrisome while talking in his sleep."

Romulus felt a shiver of fear race down his spine.

"What did he say?" he asked, dreading the answer.

Fryderyk glanced between Marcello and Feliciano before he sighed.

"'No' and 'stop'," he said.

Romulus froze. It couldn't be. Lovino… he couldn't have been… But there was so much he didn't tell them… And thinking about how much he disliked physical contact…

"You don't think he was…?" he whispered.

"We can't be sure," Fryderyk said. "If he wakes up and is calm, we can try to ask him. However, the odds of receiving an answer are slim. But if it is what happened… Then our job became a lot trickier."

Romulus glanced inside the room and he hoped, prayed that it wasn't the case. That Lovino hadn't been…

"How long is he going to stay sedated?" Romulus asked.

"The dosage should knock him out until tomorrow morning," Fryderyk said. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to visit him…"

"No," Romulus interrupted, shaking his head. "You did what you had to do. But… Does it mean that Lovino's not going to come home soon?"

"Doctor Williams did advise us to keep him here for at least a week. If we don't see any improvements, we might have to consider other alternatives."

…

Lovino awoke, feeling groggy and heavy. And for some reason, his right wrist hurt more than before. He glanced down and saw that the arm was now in a sling. When did that happen?

"How are you feeling?"

He turned to look at the nurse, wincing when the light was turned on. How long had the nurse been there?

"What time is it?" he croaked.

"Four in the morning," the nurse responded. "Do you remember anything about yesterday afternoon?"

Lovino frowned. He tried to think of what happened and…

The dream. The memory. The urge to cut. Not finding anything. Voices around him. Scaring him. Raising his arm…

He flinched as he recalled how he had slammed his wrist into the metal railing. He turned to the nurse, and he knew that there was fear on his face.

"What's going to happen now?" he asked.

The nurse smiled at him warmly, although he could tell that she was worried.

"Doctor Williams has been informed of the incident," she said. "He'll come by later this morning to speak with you. Please, I implore you to tell him what happened. It's the only way we can help you."

Lovino averted his eyes.

"And what's going to happen if you can't help me?" he asked.

The nurse was silent, before she gestured to one of the books beside his bed.

"Simply put, you won't be able to read any books," she said.

"What?" Lovino asked sharply, pushing himself up by his elbow.

"If they feel that you need to be sent to a psych ward or clinic, then they're not going to allow you to bring books along," the nurse said sadly. "They wouldn't want anything that could interfere with your treatment."

Lovino had been fine with the thought of being sent away somewhere. He convinced himself that it would be better, where he couldn't mess up his family's lives anymore. They could forget about him and move on. But… If he wasn't allowed to bring books with him… Asides from cutting, they were his one escape. If he couldn't have them…

Lovino bit back a curse as he realised that he would have to talk about the dream. The worst birthday of his life.

…

"Do you think Lovino will be awake this time?" Feliciano asked hopefully.

"He should be," Romulus said. "I don't think sedatives last that long."

"What do you think could have caused him to react like that?" Marcello asked.

"I have my suspicions," Romulus said. "I just hope I'm wrong."

When they arrived at Lovino's room, it was with relief that they saw that he was indeed awake, reading one of the thinner books. Feliciano wondered if Lovino had finished the previous book, before noticing that his right arm was in a sling. Was he reading a thinner book because it's easier to hold with one hand?

"Lovino," Romulus said, startling the teen.

Lovino whipped his head in their direction, and after a few moments realised who interrupted him. His face flushed as he closed the book, putting it on the bedside table.

"We brought you a bookmark," Marcello said, holding it out to him.

Lovino took the bookmark and his eyes widened. Feliciano thought he saw pain in his brother's eyes, and tried to think of something that could cheer him up.

"Ve, you must go there a lot if they gave you a personalised bookmark," Feliciano said, snapping Lovino out of his stupor.

"It's reserved for someone with over ten thousand points on their loyalty cards," Lovino explained.

"And… how much did you spend to get those points?" Romulus asked sceptically.

"Don't worry, not all of it is your money," Lovino said. "Well, allowance money. Once a month, the school librarian asks me to clean the shelves and she pays me for it."

"So, you work for the school library?" Feliciano asked.

Lovino shrugged.

"Well, I'm the only one that goes there, with the exception of Feliks," he said. "And it's the least I could do for protecting me."

Protect. Was that why Lovino loved books? Because they offered him the protection that no one else did?

The bookmark collection is because I've been searching for bookmarks for the last few months, but I didn't want it to be those magnetic bookmarks, or something with an 'inspirational message', or something goofy, or advertising. I wanted something visually appealing. The only bookmark I had that fit the description was this golden dragon with holographic effect. Luckily, on Friday we managed to find a bookstore that actually sold decent bookmarks, and my uncle, who is a graphic designer, said that he would print a few bookmarks for me.

I know that if they're addressing someone as 'mother' or 'father', then it should be capitalised, but the lack of capitalisation also represents the lack of closeness (Lovino) and respect (Marcello) for Romulus.