Thanks to Senii for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 28

Lovino looked up when there was a knock on the door, and the moment he had been dreading had arrived. Standing at the door was none other than Doctor Matthew Williams, his briefcase at his side. The man smiled as he entered, before sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

"Good morning, Lovino," the psychiatrist greeted. "How are you feeling now?"

Lovino averted his eyes, focusing on the bedsheets.

"…You heard about what happened yesterday, didn't you?" he asked.

Matthew sighed, nodding his head.

"Tell me, do you usually have the compulsion to harm yourself when you've had a nightmare?" Matthew asked.

Lovino flinched, biting his lip.

"…Only when the nightmare is a really bad memory," he admitted.

"And… Was yesterday's really that bad?" Matthew asked.

"It's one of the worst I have."

"Would you mind telling me about it?"

Lovino hesitated. He didn't really want to share, but he remembered what the nurse said. About the possibility of him being sent away where he wouldn't be able to read books. If he could just give his cooperation…

"It… was my tenth birthday," Lovino admitted. "Because ten is a 'big year', as my father said, he arranged something big. A pool party. He made arrangements to take everyone there."

Matthew didn't interrupt, but Lovino could tell that he was listening closely. He'd never shared this with anyone, and he had hoped never to. It was a wound that was far too deep. But the results of that memory were seen by all. His wrist, now more painful, was evidence of that.

"It was more Feliciano's party than mine," Lovino said. "He's the one that could swim. He's the one that has all the friends. I was just… there."

"You couldn't swim?" Matthew asked gently.

"Still can't. A-anyway, I went in the water, though I stayed at the shallow end. But then… those three…"

The events flashed by. The dream had made them fresh again.

Lovino was in the shallow end of the pool, simply enjoying the feeling of the cool water. He could see everyone else splashing around, having fun, and occasionally he would duck his head underwater, but he didn't dare venture further in. As it was, he remained near the wall.

"Man, so lame," a familiar voice said, making Lovino freeze. "You do know what the point of a swimming pool is, right?"

"Of course he doesn't," Francis added to Gilbert's statement. "He's too stupid to know something like that, after all."

Lovino looked up. Standing along the side of the pool were Gilbert, Francis and Antonio. Their eyes held something dark in them, and Lovino felt an immense amount of fear upon seeing them.

"L-leave me alone," he tried valiantly, pushing himself away from the wall and trying to create distance between them.

"That's not very nice," Antonio said.

Lovino swallowed nervously when the three of them climbed into the pool. He tried to walk away from them. He tried to get to the other side. But walking in a pool wasn't easy, and they could easily catch up by swimming up to him. Soon, he was completely surrounded by them.

"Let's show you what you should do in a pool," Francis said as they grabbed him.

Lovino wanted to cry out, but someone pushed his head down, causing his mouth to go underwater. He let out an instinctual cry as the chlorinated water entered his mouth, and quickly shut it. When his mouth was above water again, he quickly spat it out, and it took him a moment to realise that they were no longer in the same position. The other three were dragging him along to the deep end.

"W-what are you doing?" he demanded, his voice a squeak due to fear.

"We're giving Feli a birthday present," Antonio said. "The best."

Lovino was confused, but Gilbert's snicker filled him with more fear.

"We're going to save him the embarrassment of being your twin brother," Gilbert whispered.

Lovino's eyes widened when he realised what they were intending to do with him, and that was also when he realised that they were all that was keeping him up. His feet were no longer touching the floor of the pool.

Just as he let out a cry to call for help, the three of them pushed him down. Again, the chlorinated water entered his mouth, and he could feel as some of it went down his throat. He tried to get back to the surface, but the combined strength of the three of them was too much. He'd closed his mouth to prevent more water from entering, but any breath he'd had earlier was knocked out the moment he'd been forced underwater. And the urge to breathe in was becoming overwhelming.

Two words kept repeating in his mind: 'no' and 'stop'. He never realised how terrifying it could be if the ability to say those words was robbed from him.

Out of instinctual desperation, he lashed out with his fists, and one managed to connect with flesh. He was released, and he realised that he'd managed to punch one of them in a place where it would be most definitely felt. That gave him an idea, and he raised his legs, feeling his body wanting to float but not knowing how to accomplish that, and he kicked the other two in the same place.

He used the action as a type of springboard, and he pushed himself towards the wall. He was operating on pure instinct now, and he could feel himself getting lower. His feet touched the floor, and he jumped up, and he continued to jump until he could reach the wall. He jumped again, hands outstretched until he could feel the edge, and managed to get a grip with both hands. He pulled himself up, coughing and spluttering as he tried to regain his breath.

"There he is!" Gilbert shouted.

Lovino's eyes widened again, and he turned to face the three of them. He didn't have the energy to pull himself out, but he refused to have them come anywhere near him.

"Go away!" he shouted. "Why can't you bastards just leave me alone?"

"Come on," Francis said. "We just want to play."

"Fuck you! You think I'm fucking stupid? I'm not…"

"LOVINO!"

Lovino's voice died when he heard his father's voice. He looked up, seeing his father scowling down at him, his hands on his hips.

"What is going on here?" Romulus asked coldly.

"We were just playing," Antonio said innocently. "He's the one that got mad because he was losing."

"N-no," Lovino quickly stammered. "They were…"

"I don't want to hear any excuses!" Romulus snapped. "I will not have one of your tantrums ruining Feliciano's birthday!"

"It was at that moment that I felt my heart break a little more. Because he specifically said that he wouldn't let me ruin my twin brother's birthday. It was as though he forgot that it was my birthday too. And he refused to listen to me."

Lovino could feel tears well up in his eyes. He was currently being surrounded by the four people that hated him most in the world. On his birthday. But what did it matter? Just the day where one should celebrate someone's existence… And they tried to kill him. And his father refused to listen. Because he would ruin his brother's birthday.

It was rare that Lovino had felt so unwanted. He wanted to duck down into the water again. He wanted to open his mouth and have the water fill his lungs. But not with them there. Not when they would make it worse.

He felt a jolt when he realised that he wanted to die. He… he needed to get away from there.

"I forced myself out of the pool," Lovino sobbed. "Got dressed, and walked to the cemetery. I spent the rest of my birthday with my mother, the only person who would have wanted to spend it with me."

Lovino was no longer looking at Matthew, the tears flowing too heavily. He hugged himself with his uninjured arm, mindful of the injured one. That was the first time in his life that he'd entertained the idea of suicide.

"I'm so sorry," Matthew said. "Would… Would it be alright if I hugged you?"

Lovino didn't bother asking why the psychiatrist felt the need to ask him that. He realised that it was most likely because he wanted to avoid seeming inappropriate. But he nodded his head, seeking the comfort so rarely offered to him. And when he felt the other's arms wrap around him gently, he buried his face in the other's chest, his sobs growing harder.

He didn't know how long they remained like that, with Matthew rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder. Eventually, though, Lovino found it to be too much of an effort to cry, and the sobs died down.

"Do you feel better now?" Matthew asked as he pulled away.

Lovino nodded his head as he wiped his eyes.

"Sorry about that," he said, his voice almost faded.

"It's alright," Matthew said. "Sometimes we just need to let it out. So, do you mind talking about it a bit more?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel around water after the incident? Do you feel nervous or…?"

Lovino understood what the therapist was trying to do. He wanted to avoid this conversation, but the thought of losing his right to books made him sigh in frustration.

"I'm generally fine," he said. "I mean… I… tried to… to d-drown m-myself l-last w-week. It's just… I don't like… being near a large body of water when other people are around."

"I see," Matthew nodded. "You don't fear drowning. You fear being drowned."

Lovino paused, before nodding his head. It sounded about right.

"And how do you feel about your brother?" Matthew asked. "They said that they were intending for it to be a 'birthday gift' for him."

"It's not Feli's fault," Lovino sighed. "The only thing he's guilty of is living in a fantasy world where everyone is the best of friends."

"So, you're upset because he never noticed what's going on?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"And what about the fact that your father only acknowledged your brother's birthday and not yours?" Matthew asked.

"…It's not Feliciano's fault," Lovino said. "He was just… He's someone born for people to just love, and I… as his twin…"

"Stop that thought right now!" Matthew snapped. "You were not born to be hated. There is nothing wrong with you."

Lovino flinched, closing his eyes. He could feel a fresh wave of tears welling inside them.

"…Based on what you've told me, I have a few guesses regarding your bullies," Matthew said. "They seem to have sociopathic tendencies. They realised that they could hurt you without suffering repercussions, and that caused them to try and figure out how far it could go. Unfortunately, it went on for too long. None of this is your fault, though. The problem lies with the authority figures who failed to stop any of this. With everyone who failed to stop this."

Lovino wanted to believe Matthew. He really did. But he'd gone years with people telling him that he had to accept responsibility for everything. That they felt sorry for his family members for being related to him. That he could do nothing right, and that he only ruined things when he tried. That there was nothing likeable about him.

He hugged himself tighter, and Matthew grabbed the food table, placing the pen and paper he'd left the previous day on top of it and pulling it closer to Lovino.

"I want you to write down whatever's going through your mind," Matthew said. "You can choose any method. If you want to show me later, I would appreciate it, but if you don't, I understand."

Lovino stared at the two items, before he hesitantly grabbed the pen.

"Do you mind if I tell your father and the doctor about your dream?" Matthew asked.

"Why?" Lovino demanded, feeling a small wave of panic.

"…You were muttering in your sleep. What you were saying, how you said it, and how you were acting when you woke up… Well, at the moment, half of the hospital is under the impression that you were raped."

And that was the point where Lovino discovered that it was possible to choke on air.

After a few seconds of spluttering with Matthew gently pounding him on his back, Lovino turned to the Canadian with wide eyes.

"What?" Lovino gasped.

"Your behaviour was consistent to that of a victim of sexual abuse," Matthew said simply. "At least, that's what I was told. I think your aversion to physical contact might also be why everyone came to that conclusion."

Lovino gaped at the psychiatrist for a long moment, before he shook his head.

"Those bastards might have done a lot of awful things to me," he said, "but they never did that. I… Sure, I guess. You can tell them about the dream."

Despite what everyone said about him, he wasn't the type of person looking for attention or sympathy, especially when it was from something false. He also didn't want his father to believe that something like that had happened to him.

He was just worried about what his father's reaction would be when he found out what actually happened. Despite everything that he had said and done to him, Lovino still loved his father.

…

Matthew sighed, standing before Doctor Fryderyk's office. They had been waiting for him inside, and now he had to deliver his report. Thankfully, Lovino had given his consent, so he wasn't violating the confidentiality any more than he already had.

But the latest news was actually pretty disturbing. He knew that the bullies were the same age as Lovino, and at the age of ten (unless Lovino's birthday was before theirs, making them nine), they had tried to kill a fellow child, in one of the most frightening ways possible.

He hadn't been lying when he said that it sounded as though the bullies had sociopathic tendencies. He felt that they needed to get treatment before things got too out of hand, and someone else became their victim. But unfortunately, he wasn't qualified to handle sociopaths.

Now, he had to focus on the immediate situation. And that involved telling Lovino's family that he had survived a murder attempt, and that it still haunted him.

He opened the door, and immediately all four pairs of eyes trailed to him. Lovino's brothers were also there; they had insisted on staying. Matthew's eyes lingered on them, knowing that one of them would definitely be devastated by the news he was about to deliver.

"Well?" Fryderyk asked. "Has he told you what happened?"

Matthew nodded his head.

"It was indeed a PTSD episode," he said. "However, he was quick to assure me that it wasn't sexual abuse. In fact, he seemed surprised that that's what everyone thought."

Collectively, everyone seemed to relax, but only a little. The worst-case scenario, at least in their minds, wasn't the truth.

"I guess that's some good news," Fryderyk sighed. "But… What could have caused a reaction like that?"

"His tenth birthday party," Matthew said.

Looks of bewilderment filled the room. What could have caused a birthday party to be so traumatic, they must have been thinking. And it was obvious that none of them knew what he was talking about.

"That was the birthday where you took them to a pool, correct?" Matthew asked, directing the question at Romulus.

"Si," Romulus nodded, recognition lighting his eyes. "I remember that. Lovino left before we cut the cake."

"Do you know why he left?"

Romulus averted his eyes. He remembered, yes, but with all the new information he received regarding his son, he didn't know how to say it.

Matthew now had a choice to make. He could try to soften the blow, or he could repeat everything that Lovino had told him. He glanced towards Romulus. By all counts, he should classify him as being verbally and emotionally abusive. The only thing that made him pause was the genuine remorse in the man's eyes. He had been oblivious, but Lovino had still paid the price for that obliviousness. And then he glanced towards Lovino's brothers again. One of them would be hurt, but if it would help them all recover, then it would be necessary. And so, he heaved a heavy sigh.

"He admitted that it was more his twin's party than his," Matthew said. "After all, a pool party isn't much fun if you can't swim."

The Vargas trio looked at each other in shock. Apparently, they didn't realise that detail about Lovino.

"But he still went into the water," Matthew continued. "And then his bullies joined him."

One or two of them seemed to pale. They knew that whatever Matthew was going to tell them, it couldn't be good.

"They dragged him to the deep end, told him that it was a birthday gift to his brother, and tried to drown him."

"W-what?" one of the brothers asked, eyes widening. "W-why?"

Matthew guessed that this was the twin, and he clenched his eyes shut.

"They told him that they would save you the embarrassment of being his twin," he said.

Feliciano looked utterly devastated. The other brother, Marcello, wrapped an arm around him, trying to calm him down.

"He managed to get away," Matthew said, turning his attention to Romulus. "He tried to defend himself the only way he could: through his words. And that's when you came in. You told him that you wouldn't allow his tantrums to ruin his brother's birthday."

The others reacted just as he anticipated: they looked completely horrified. Matthew sighed.

"That was the last birthday party he attended," he said.

Feliciano suddenly stood up and ran out of the room. Matthew looked after the boy with guilt.