Thanks to cAnd13ThEheTaLian and Carina Sicily for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 30

Feliks was a bit disappointed by Lovino's reaction regarding his outfit, but he didn't see disgust or anything in Lovino's eyes. Perhaps he was just surprised, though he did say that he looked good in it. But before anything else could be said about the matter, Lovino's brothers entered the room.

He'd been surprised when he saw them as he was arriving. Visiting hours were long over, and they shouldn't have been there. The only explanation that he could think of for their presence was that something else had happened.

He was still a bit nervous about being around Lovino, feeling that it was his fault that Lovino was there. He'd come to try to make things better, but it was difficult to do with Lovino's brothers around. He could barely manage to speak to Lovino the previous day due to Feliciano and Marcello's presence.

"Lovino, great news!" Feliciano said. "Ve, the nurses said we can stay the day."

"Huh?" Lovino questioned. "How did you manage that?"

"We managed to convince her by pointing out that there's no way that you'd be able to sleep with us around," Marcello explained. "The doctor made it a rule now that you're only allowed to sleep at night with your medication until further notice."

Feliks winced when he heard that description, and Lovino didn't look happy either.

"So, like, what happened?" Feliks asked. "Like, my dad told me that it's a nightmare, but… Like, what was it about?"

Lovino flinched at the question, and Feliciano turned to Feliks with a sad expression, though the sad expression briefly turned into one of confusion.

"Ve, Feliks, you look pretty in that," Feliciano said. "I didn't know you liked to dress up like that."

Feliks was about to say something, but Lovino beat him to it.

"This was one of the reasons why they bullied him at his old school," Lovino said. "So… I-it kind of makes me happy to see that… you trust us enough with that."

Feliks's eyes widened in shock, before he beamed in delight. Lovino averted his eyes, a blush on his face.

"Oh, Feliks, there you are."

Feliks turned to see Doctor Matthew standing there, along with Lovino's father. Feliks decided that it would be best to ignore the older Italian as he focused on his therapist.

"Like, I know you said that I have to go to my father's office, but I totally wanted to see Lovino first," Feliks explained.

"Don't worry," Matthew said. "I understand. Where's your mother?"

"She like quickly went to the bathroom. Like, she'll be here soon. She wants to see Vino too."

Matthew nodded, before he looked inside the room. Feliks followed his gaze, and he could see that Lovino seemed to shrink under it.

"Do you mind if I told Feliks what you told me earlier?" Matthew asked. "It might help him as well."

Lovino looked up, glancing between Feliks and Matthew, and it looked as though a spark of comprehension lit up in his eyes, and he nodded his head. Matthew smiled, before gesturing to Feliks to follow him.

The blond followed the familiar route to his father's office, which he saw was currently vacant. Matthew closed the door and went to sit down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, with Feliks following after.

"Your father has rounds to do, so he said that we can have our appointment here," Matthew said. "First, I want to know how you're doing after getting that stomach bug."

Feliks winced when he heard the reminder of why he hadn't been there for Lovino when it really mattered, but decided that it was better than the therapist actively blaming him.

"I'm doing better," Feliks said. "Like, I my stomach feels a bit sore, but, like, my dad explained that it's totally because the muscles are sore after all that… um, you know…"

Matthew chuckled at that, nodding his head.

"I see what you're trying to tell me," he said. "And… how do you feel after Lovino's suicide attempt?"

Feliks flinched. That was the question he was dreading. He wondered if it was better that the therapist asked him that directly instead of leading up to it.

"…It's my fault he's here," Feliks said, lowering his head. "It's because I wasn't a good enough friend. It's because I wasn't there for him."

Matthew sighed.

"He doesn't blame you," he said. "He knows that it was something that couldn't be helped. But, that day… he had a really hard time from everyone. And he was already planning it. He suffers from psychological issues that stretch back too far for one week of friendship to be able to make a difference."

Feliks bit his lip, before remembering what Matthew asked Lovino.

"Like, what did he tell you this morning?" he asked.

"Did your father tell you about the nightmare he had, and the effect it had on him?" Matthew asked, to which Feliks nodded his head. "It was a flashback, to the first time he thought about suicide. It was his tenth birthday party, and his bullies had tried to kill him. And when he tried to defend himself, his father told him not to ruin his brother's birthday."

Feliks's eyes widened in shock. Those three… they had actually attempted to murder Lovino?! On his birthday?!

"That's sick," Feliks whispered, trembling in rage.

"I think you have a different type of influence on him," Matthew sighed. "He admitted that he's been suffering from nightmares lately – memories of the past. I think… these memories are resurfacing because he's confused. You've been showing him friendship and compassion – something that's been denied him for a long time – and his mind is having trouble processing it, so it's bringing up a lot of old memories which had an impact on his psyche. That's also why he tried to create some distance between you – because his mind is telling him that this isn't normal."

"So… what are you saying?"

Matthew smiled softly.

"He'll need help convincing his mind that this is normal," he said. "So he needs you to show him the friendship that he's been desperate for, but which he convinced himself he doesn't deserve. You need to continue to be there for him. Lovino has many emotional scars – I suspect enough to outnumber the scars you saw on his arms. You'll need to be patient with him, though. If his mind is trying to convince him that this isn't natural, then he will lash out as he's searching for normalcy. But, at the same time… his greatest fear is that things would return to the way they were before. He also has another reason to be wary of you. Two of his bullies were once his friends, and they betrayed him in the worst ways possible."

Feliks's eyes widened. He didn't recall Lovino mentioning that two of his bullies used to be his friends, and now he couldn't help but wonder which two bullies. And the fact that they were his friends at a time made his reluctance to let him get close become clearer, asides from the fact that he said that many of his friends in the past used him to get closer to Feliciano. Swallowing thickly, he nodded. Lovino would require a lot of work for him to see that Feliks was serious in his attempts to befriend him.

…

"You can't be serious," Lovino commented, watching as Feliciano and Marcello pushed another hospital bed closer to his.

"The nurse said it was okay," Feliciano said.

"Aren't you supposed to be working on that project?!"

Feliciano flinched when he was reminded of the project, and he smiled shakily.

"Ve, Kiku understands, and he said that he'll finish it on his own," Feliciano said. "Oh, but, what about you and Feliks?"

"We finished our project earlier," Lovino said. "And I already gave it to him."

Lovino had made sure to give the project to Feliks to hold as soon as it was finished. His argument had been that, since he did most of the work, Feliks could keep it until they had to hand it in. This was mostly because he wanted to ensure that the project was with Feliks after he killed himself, so that Feliks wouldn't have to suffer from a poor grade because of him.

But while he felt proud of the project, he couldn't help but worry that the teacher would still give them a poor grade due to Lovino being involved.

With that thought in mind, Lovino couldn't help but wonder about his family's plans to send him to a new school. Would it be a boarding school, and thus a way to get rid of him under the guise of it being for his own good? And where would it even be? There was only one high school in town. Was their father considering sending him to a different town? And would it really be better for him? Would the students there actually accept him? Would the teachers?

He wanted to hope that it would be better, but experience had taught him otherwise. The last time a teacher liked him, he was in kindergarten. Before the accident. Before he caused his mother's death. Before he became this useless waste of space.

He glanced towards the pen and paper pad again. He was supposed to do two things with them: First, he had to write anything that he could think of, just to get it all out of his system. Second, he had to write his own story.

He didn't even know what he should write about. He closed his eyes, trying to think of a good story. There was something that he recalled a long time ago: a dream, one that didn't involve any of his messed-up memories. He recalled daydreaming about it, trying to recreate the dream and building on that. With a frown, he picked up the pen.

"There!" Feliciano said in satisfaction, startling Lovino.

He glanced to the side, seeing that the other hospital bed was pressed against his own. Feliciano was climbing up, followed by Marcello.

"What are you doing?" Lovino asked.

"Ve, don't you remember?" Feliciano asked. "Back when we were in kindergarten and we would watch movies together on the bed?"

"We were smaller, and the bed was larger!"

"It would be fun," Marcello said, smiling. "Just like old times."

Lovino huffed, throwing his head back against the pillow. He winced in pain, remembering too late that he had a concussion from those three. Would a new school have people like them as well?

"Like, what are you doing?"

Lovino looked up to see Feliks at the door, looking at the scene with a stupefied expression. Lovino didn't blame him. This must have been an odd sight.

"Oh, you're back!" Feliciano said cheerfully. "The nurse gave us permission to spend the day with Lovino. Would you like to join?"

Feliks opened his mouth, looking as though he wanted to respond, but then someone placed a hand on his shoulder, before slipping into view. Lovino realised that it was Feliks's mother, smiling at her son warmly, before turning her gaze to Lovino.

"That sounds like a grand idea," Felicja said. "What do you say, Feliks? Do you want to spend the day with Lovino?"

Feliks nodded his head eagerly, and Felicja turned her attention to the two beds.

"I think we'll need another bed in here," she said. "It might get a bit too cramped otherwise. And we don't want Lovino to be cramped. He needs room to heal."

His mind drifted to the various injured parts of his body, and he eagerly nodded his head. The bed that Feliciano and Marcello had pushed closer was to his left, and he was already feeling nervous just by having his left side covered. His ankle especially prickled slightly, as though anticipating pain. Which was probably what was happening.

"Like, then I think I have a solution," Feliks said, before leaving their sight.

Lovino had a bad premonition about that, which became true when Feliks returned, pushing in another bed. Feliciano's face lit up, before he went to help Feliks. Lovino looked towards Marcello, hoping that at least one person in this room had some semblance of sanity, but Marcello just smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders.

And then, to Lovino's continued surprise, they pushed the second bed on the other side of him.

"Huh?" Lovino questioned, looking between them.

"Ve, we can't let your best friend be so far from you," Feliciano explained.

The words echoed in his mind. 'Best friend'. He didn't dare hope, but… could it be? Could he really call Feliks his 'best friend', when he was his only friend?

Lovino was startled by his own thoughts. That was probably the first time he thought of Feliks as his friend. But he was too scared of saying it out loud. Still, Feliks didn't seem upset when Feliciano mentioned it.

His head kept whipping sideways, as Feliciano and Marcello climbed onto the bed on one side, and Feliks onto the other. They settled in, keeping their distance. Lovino didn't know whether to feel hurt or grateful.

"Like, is this okay?" Feliks asked. "Like, if I hurt you, you should say something. I don't know how far your bubble goes."

Lovino frowned in confusion.

"My bubble?" he repeated.

"Like, totally," Feliks said. "Like, you know how sometimes, you get nervous about people being too close to you even if they don't touch you? It's because they're inside your bubble. Like, it's especially when you're hurt. Like, I don't want to be inside your bubble, because even if I don't touch you, I hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you."

Lovino stared at Feliks. A part of him thought that Feliks was speaking complete nonsense, while another part recognised that there might have been some truth in the blond's claims. That would explain why he would sometimes feel nervous if someone was in close proximity without the intent to harm him.

"That's kind of what we're worried about too," Marcello said. "We don't want to accidentally hurt you. I think we've done enough of that."

Lovino was silent, looking between the other three. It was only when Felicja laughed that he realised that she was still there.

"Looks like you're in good hands," she said. "I suppose I need to tell that husband of mine."

She disappeared, and Marcello pulled out a remote.

"The nurse gave this to me," he explained. "This way, we can watch movies."

Lovino sighed in defeat. It didn't seem as though he was escaping this.

"Fine," he huffed. "But before we do this, could I at least go to the bathroom? I don't think it's going to be easy while you're here."

It was bad enough that he had to wait to be uncuffed before going to the bathroom. He didn't want to have to deal with all of this as well.

…

It was evening when Romulus returned. He knew that it would be best for him to stay out of the teenagers' way. The fact that he had contributed to a lot of Lovino's pain didn't help matters. But he supposed that it was okay if he came during the official visiting hours.

He was amazed at how willing the hospital was to bend its rules for them.

He carried three large boxes of pizzas for the teens to eat. He knew that Lovino was eating less – he didn't fail to notice that the original pizza box was still there – but perhaps eating with the others would be to his benefit.

He'd read an article, years ago, that if you wanted to prevent your child from developing an eating disorder, they needed to eat in the company of the rest of the family. And while that wasn't exactly Lovino's problem, he needed to gain a bit of weight. The doctor had already admitted that Lovino's weight had been one of the factors that complicated the procedures when they saved his life.

It still felt so surreal. Like some horrible nightmare. It felt like it was a long time ago, but it was still fresh in his mind. And then he kept replaying the time when Chiara died. He kept comparing Lovino's figure in the hospital bed to the six-year-old version. All of the emotions he felt back then, he felt now as well. There was one difference, though, that he intended to keep: He refused to take out his anger on his son.

He shook his head, before arriving at his son's hospital room. The teens were watching a movie, and though it was clear that they wanted to move closer to Lovino, the others were keeping their distance, taking his injuries into consideration. Romulus was momentarily shocked by the relaxed expression on Lovino's face. It was sad that it was such a rare sight.

He shook himself, plastering a smile on his face, before he stepped into the room.

"Hey there," he greeted, drawing the four teenagers' attentions to him. "Enjoying the movie?"

"Pizza!" Feliciano exclaimed, scrambling out of the hospital bed that he and Marcello were lying on, much to the younger's chagrin.

"Like, I was getting hungry," Feliks said. "Thanks, Mr Vargas."

Romulus smiled, placing the boxes on the now-empty bed. He looked up at Lovino, who was eyeing the boxes with a blank expression.

"You don't have to be shy," Romulus said. "Take whichever you want."

Lovino looked annoyed, before looking down at his body. He even lifted his cuffed ankle to illustrate his point, and Romulus realised what the problem was: Lovino would need to stretch, and considering the broken state of his body, it would be extremely painful. He quickly slid one of the boxes closer to Lovino, who eagerly took it and grabbed a slice.

"Sorry about that," Romulus said. "So, are you having fun?"

Lovino shrugged, but Romulus still managed to notice the small smile.

Sorry if these chapters seem to drag. The story will pick up speed again next chapter.