Thanks to WickedInk, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Lovemuffin01 and three anons for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 47

Romulus looked over towards Lovino and smiled.

"Nervous?" he asked.

Lovino's fingers stopped drumming as he turned towards his father, before looking towards the road ahead of them.

"I think so," Lovino said. "I… I'm scared that I'll mess things up. And I make them mad. And they'll hate me. And I'll…"

"Lovino, you shouldn't worry about that," Romulus said. "And I doubt you'll do something that would upset them. You're just working on a project, right?"

"Yeah, but… What if they think I'm being lazy? What if they get impatient? What if…?"

"What if you enjoy it? Lovino, I understand why you're scared. But I'll be there too, so if things go south, you should just tell me and we'll leave. I heard they have a mall with an excellent bookstore. In fact, no matter how things go, I'll take you there. Okay?"

Lovino's mouth twitched a bit. Going to a bookstore was nice, especially one he'd never been to before. It was a bit sad, actually. They were ten minutes away, and he'd never gone to that mall before. He'd never gone with his father and brothers there before. And he'd never taken a public bus to go there. He hadn't wanted to go anywhere he couldn't walk. He hadn't wanted to feel trapped. His experiences with his former school's bus contributed to that feeling.

"It'll be fine," Romulus said. "Just be yourself, alright?"

Lovino was startled by those words. He… He couldn't remember his father ever telling him to be himself. That was something he reserved for his brothers, but Lovino was always told to be like them.

His hands trembled, and Romulus reached out to him, his other hand still on the wheel.

"Is something wrong?" Romulus asked.

"That… was the first time you told me to be myself," Lovino said.

"…I'm so sorry," Romulus whispered. "I know I should have told you that before. I should have… I should have realised what kind of person you really are."

Lovino pursed his lips, before looking out the window again. He didn't know how to deal with this. And so, he decided to do what he normally did: he was hiding. He couldn't physically hide, but he could retreat into the recesses of his mind.

…

"Welcome," Heracles's mother greeted, before she turned to Lovino. "You must be Lovino. I'm Helena."

"I'm Romulus," Romulus introduced, placing a dazzling smile on his face.

Lovino arched an eyebrow at his father, but he greeted Heracles's mother nonetheless. Heracles came up behind his mother, and he smiled when he saw Lovino.

"You made it," Heracles said. "Come on, I'll show you to my room."

Lovino followed after Heracles, while Romulus and Helena went to the living room. Lovino stepped into Heracles's room, immediately examining the interior. It was a bit… cluttered. His eyes trailed towards the bookshelf, which was probably the only thing in the room that appeared to be permanently well-kept.

"Gupta's not here yet," Heracles said, noticing Lovino's gaze. "You're welcome to check there, if you want."

Lovino jolted at those words, and he looked between Heracles and the bookshelf again.

"Are you sure?" Lovino asked.

"Of course," Heracles said. "Go ahead."

Lovino hesitated for a bit longer, before he made his way towards the bookshelf. He saw books that he'd read, books that he'd heard about but hadn't had a chance to read yet, and then…

Lovino examined the books by an author he'd never heard about. Someone named Celeste Black. He turned to Heracles and raised the book he held in his hand.

"What can you tell me about this?" he asked.

"You've never heard of her?" Heracles asked. "She mostly writes fantasy novels, but she also deconstructs a lot of it. She also combines it with other genres, which she also deconstructs. You're welcome to borrow those books, if you're interested."

Lovino frowned, before he turned to read the summary of the book he held. He had to admit, it sounded interesting, and he was curious to see how these deconstructions would work.

"Are you sure?" Lovino asked.

"Of course," Heracles said. "I offered, didn't I?"

Lovino still hesitated, but he looked towards the door when he heard footsteps approaching. A moment later, Gupta came into sight.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "I see you found Heracles's bookshelf."

Lovino blushed and placed the book aside.

"Before we begin, would you like snacks and drinks?" Heracles asked.

"I wouldn't mind," Gupta said. "Lovino?"

Lovino could say nothing, but nodded his head. Heracles left the room, and Lovino and Gupta were alone.

"You can relax," Gupta said. "I'm going to assume that you're not used to being invited to someone's house?"

Lovino jerkily nodded his head, before he sat down on the floor. Gupta sat down in front of him.

"Lovino, don't worry about it," Gupta said. "I know that you still have a long way to go, but we'll be there for you. Just like we were there for everyone else. You're not the only one in our group that went through this, Lovino. We know. And even though you had it a lot worse than the rest of us, you're not alone. And we won't abandon you."

Lovino looked away, tears stinging his eyes.

"It's only a matter of time before you decide I'm not worth it," Lovino said. "Like everyone else."

"No," Gupta said. "It's not you who was unworthy. It's them. So, whatever it is they told you, forget about it. They're not important. So, please. Try to ignore everything that's happened in the past, and try to live for your future."

Lovino pursed his lips. It was easy for Gupta to say. Gupta had probably placed a lot of thought into his future. Meanwhile, Lovino had never considered the thought that he would have a future. That was something he always thought belonged to other people, and never to him.

"He's right."

Lovino jumped at the voice, and he turned to the door to see Heracles standing there with a tray filled with snacks. He crouched down and placed the tray on the ground, before sitting down as well.

"Lovino, whatever happened in the past, it's over now," Heracles said. "And if you don't see a future for yourself… Well, let's start simple. What do you enjoy doing?"

"Reading," Lovino said. "Anything else… I don't have any talents or anything. Nothing that really stands out. I'm…"

"Stop right there," Gupta said. "No matter what you're about to say, we disagree. So, you say you don't have any talents? And no passions? Tell me, what are the things you've actually tried?"

Lovino was silent. It reminded him of a conversation he had with Feliciano. Where his twin had basically told him the same thing.

"Next week we'll be going to the theatre," Heracles said. "And I think we should see if we can arrange for something to do every week. Oh right, I know what we can do in two weeks' time."

Lovino arched an eyebrow, curious to know what Heracles was about to suggest.

"You asked me about Celeste Black," Heracles explained. "She's actually from the area, and in two weeks' time will be launching her new novel. She'll also be there to sign copies of the new book. What do you say about that?"

Lovino's eyes widened. That did sound like it would be fun. He'd never been to a book signing before. And he had to admit that the idea of meeting an author sounded interesting. Lovino glanced back to the book he put aside. Perhaps, if he wanted to meet this author, it would be prudent to actually start reading this author's works.

"I know," Gupta said. "Lovino, how many stories have you tried writing?"

"What?" Lovino asked. "Why would you ask something like that?"

"You have a passion for literature," Heracles explained. "If you enjoy reading, why don't you try writing?"

"Why does everyone keep going back to that?"

It was strange. Everyone seemed to keep suggesting that he write something, usually as a form of therapy.

"Maybe it's a sign?" Gutpa suggested. "Tell you what? Why don't I give you a set of writing exercises, and you try one of them every day? If you go through the list, and you don't like it, then you won't have to try that again. Unless you want to."

"Why don't we start with something now?" Heracles asked. "Lovino, do you think you could write a few paragraphs about how your bullying made you feel? Not just as writing practice, but for the project? Maybe, if you can write your thoughts down… Well, perhaps it can help us with the project. The effects of bullying is one of the topics, right?"

"It's not a bad idea…" Gupta mused. "But we should also make things easier on Lovino. Why don't you try writing each paragraph as a different person? Change the tone you use, and if you can, change your handwriting. Make it sound as though we got different people's testimonies. Use it to focus on different aspects. This is both for you and the project."

Lovino flinched, but if that was something that he could do for the project… Well, why not? And if he altered his handwriting and tried to write it in different ways every time, then perhaps he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable doing something like that.

"I'll try," Lovino said.

"Just try," Gupta said. "If you feel uncomfortable afterwards, then we don't have to add it. But at the very least get it off your chest."

Lovino nodded his head. Heracles handed him a pen and a paper pad and Lovino started writing.

…

"Is everyone set?" Marcello asked, looking around at his friends.

They'd arranged to go see a movie, and they had just bought their snacks. Everyone nodded their heads, before going in to the theatre.

While waiting for the movie to start, Camille turned to Marcello.

"So, how's Lovino doing?" she asked.

The others turned towards Marcello, curious as well. The Italian ran his hand through his hair as he sighed.

"He's doing better," he said. "He's working on a project today with friends."

"Oh, so he already managed to make friends?" Lili asked.

"Si. It helps that the school arranged for Lovino to get someone to help him before he officially started attending. And he also introduced us to his friends."

"But there's still something bothering you, isn't there?" Henri observed.

Marcello nodded his head.

"Turns out, one of his new friends is Antonio's cousin," he said.

"And you think that he might get hurt because of that," Camille said. "So, what does it make me, as Francis's sister?"

"You at least don't have a strong resemblance to him," Marcello said. "Lovino said that Miguel looks like Antonio with slightly longer hair. His biggest problem is that he can't look at Miguel without seeing Antonio. But he says that Miguel is at least nice."

"But something still bothers you about it," Lili stated.

"Well, until I actually meet Miguel, I can't help but worry. And I mean, Antonio and the others appeared to be nice, until I saw them around Lovino. Actually saw them. What if Miguel's the same? I'm just worried about my big brother, you know?"

"It's understandable," Camille sighed. "Your father sent a picture of Lovino in the hospital bed, and showed it to Francis. He's still a bit in denial, but that picture really scared him."

"So, are you saying that he feels guilty?"

"On some level, perhaps. But I don't think he's going to apologise to Lovino, if that's what you're wondering. I don't think his pride would let him."

"Not that I would let them get anywhere near Lovino. After all the damage they'd done… No matter how sorry they are, they're only going to make things worse if Lovino sees them. He's scared. My dad said that he saw one of them the other day, and he completely freaked out. I think it was Francis, since my dad said you were with him, Camille."

"I think I might have seen your father the other day. So, Lovino was with him?"

"That's right."

"You say that you're going to keep worrying until you actually meet Antonio's cousin," Henri said. "Why don't you? I'm sure you can find a way to arrange a meeting with him. You could see if you could borrow Lovino's phone and get his number."

"Problem is, Lovino doesn't like the whole number exchange thing, and I completely understand why. He has these books where he wrote down the things said to him, and if those are the things they told him to his face… I don't want to see what they would say if they're hiding behind a screen. But two of them did call him late yesterday afternoon while I was taking a bath. They called the house. Lovino hurt himself after school and they wanted to check on him."

"Is he okay?" Lili asked.

"Si, he's fine. He was supposed to do these low-impact exercises if he wanted to get a grade for PE. He was banned for the next four weeks. The teacher's nice. Turns out, he's the therapist's brother."

"Small world," Henri mused.

The lights of the theatre dimmed, and their conversation was brought to a halt. Marcello wondered if he could meet Miguel. He'd already met the others. Perhaps he should make arrangements with Feliciano, and they could meet him together. He knew that Feliciano was also worried about the whole situation.

…

"This is a nice house," Romulus said as he observed the living room.

"Thank you," Helena said as she stirred her tea. "So, Heracles tells me that Lovino had a bad time at his old school?"

Romulus sighed, smile falling as he nodded.

"That's right," he said. "He was bullied very badly, and no one believed him. Not even me. It took an attempted suicide and a trip to the hospital to show me that I was wrong about my son."

"I remember that Heracles had also gotten a fair bit of trouble because he struggled to stay awake as a child," Helena said. "Narcolepsy, you see? Once he started taking medication for it, it went better."

"Oh, I see. Lovino has chorea, but it was only recently diagnosed. He and his mother were actually on their way to the hospital to get it tested before the accident that killed my wife. She and Lovino were very close, and I neglected to give him any help after her death. Just one of my failures as a father."

"I assume that you were a bit too consumed by grief. I was the same when Heracles's father died. For a while, Heracles was the one taking care of me. It wasn't until the school called me to say that he collapsed due to exhaustion that I started taking care of him again."

"If you don't mind me asking, when did your husband die?"

"Five years ago. Yesterday was the anniversary, to be honest."

"Sorry to hear that. My wife passed away ten years ago. The anniversary was two weeks ago, also a Friday. It was the day after Lovino's suicide attempt."

"That's horrible," Helena whispered. "I guess… the emotional stress got to him, didn't it? I noticed he was walking with a limp. What happened?"

"He sprained his ankle when he tried to run away from the bullies. And a few days before he went to the hospital, they actually broke his wrist. They also beat him up before, well…"

Helena clicked her tongue in disgust.

"I hope those children didn't get away with that," she said.

"Their parents are aware of what happened and have taken over. One of them even said that if his son ever bothered Lovino again, I'm more than welcome to call the police."

"Good."

…

The third time Lovino had to restart a sentence, he knew that something was wrong. He looked down at his left hand, which was trembling a bit. He sighed and put the pen down, before crossing his arms.

"Is everything okay?" Heracles asked.

Lovino hesitated on whether or not to tell them about his condition. On the one hand, if they wanted to help him, then they should probably know. On the other, he didn't know if he trusted them enough yet. After all, his brothers only found out a few weeks ago, and before them the only one that knew was his mother.

Gupta frowned in suspicion.

"Lovino, are you having an attack right now?" he demanded.

The Italian jumped in surprise. How did…?

"Your brothers warned me about this," Gupta explained. "They asked me to take care of you. Well?"

Lovino stared at the Egyptian for a moment before he averted his gaze. He nodded his head in confirmation.

"From now on, warn us if you're having an attack or about to have an attack, alright?" Gupta demanded.

"So, what exactly are these attacks?" Heracles asked.

"Chorea," Lovino explained. "Involuntary muscle movement in my arms and legs. Mostly when I'm stressed, but sometimes happens randomly."

"Anything you can do to stop it?"

"The medication I got is supposed to suppress it. But if it happens, the only thing I can do is wait and try to relax. This is actually the first time since I got out of the hospital that it's happened."

"I see. Would you like some chamomile tea?"

Lovino nodded his head. Heracles stood up, but Gupta stopped him.

"I'll do it," Gupta said. "I think you have something to discuss."

Lovino watched as Gupta left the room, before turning to Heracles.

"I'm going to assume that you consider yourself 'broken' because you have some sort of condition," Heracles said. "You're not alone in that regard."

Heracles stood and went towards his dresser. He tossed a bottle towards Lovino, who clumsily caught it with his left hand. He examined the bottle to see that it was medication for narcolepsy.

"You can talk to any of us, and we won't judge you," Heracles said. "So, if you're having another attack, warn us, okay?"

Lovino nodded his head, a small smile on his face.

Heracles's narcolepsy is an important plot element in another story I'm trying to work on, Dreamdrifter. And a bit of a headcanon.

I tried to come up with a fictional author. Deconstruction is also something I'm interested in. Anyway, that would play a role later. The name 'Celeste' came to mind because I recently acquired Celeste Ng's Little Fires Everywhere. Seriously, as soon as we found out that we can order books online we took the chance.