T/W: Ableist language, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder attack and sexual harassment/assault
Iziz is nice.
If the city wasn't under Separatist occupation, Ahsoka would've suggested going on leave here with Anakin.
It's easier to focus on the stunning architecture instead of Saw's cockiness, Steela's attitude and Lux's lovesick eyes as he follows the rebel woman around like she's a god.
She thought the air was clear between her and Steela after their spar, but apparently not. Every time Ahsoka opens her mouth to offer a strategic suggestion, the woman either talks over her or straight up ignores her.
It reminds her of early in the war when nobody took her seriously.
It doesn't help that Anakin, Obi-Wan and Rex are leaving her to supervise the rebels on her own. Usually, she would've jumped at the opportunity to lead, but not now.
Not like this.
"You'll be fine," Anakin reassures her, a firm hand on her shoulder. "You're more than capable at managing the situation here."
She isn't. How can she establish any authority here when every rebel just sees her as a crippled runt? She can feel them staring at Skipper, sees them whispering to each other whenever her Masters aren't at her side.
"You're paranoid," Anakin says softly, reading her thoughts, "You've been a Commander for a long time, Snips; you've got this. I know it's scary, but you have to believe in yourself."
She sighs in defeat, knowing he won't change his mind, "Okay, Master."
Anakin rubs the valley of her montrals, "I'll keep in touch."
"Be mindful of your actions, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan warns, "And remember, you cannot let your emotions cloud your judgement."
"Yes, Master," she says, bowing respectfully. Obi-Wan's been getting more and more sceptical of her abilities since they arrived, and she doesn't want to worsen the distrust he holds in her, even if she doesn't have faith in herself either.
"Remember your purpose," Anakin says, turning to leave.
Rex hesitates for a moment before joining his General, "See you on the flip side, Commander."
She forces a smile, "Tell the boys I said hi, Rexster."
The clone gives her a mock salute which she returns, and then she watches their retreating figures. It's just her now.
In the Halls of Healing, she was rarely alone for too long; Anakin always made sure she had company. Now, there's nobody but herself and a band of rebels who don't even like her.
She re-enters their base, sees the three 'leaders' getting ready to leave, "Where are you going?"
"We're going to take down the power grid," Lux says, passing Steela her rifle, "it's the perfect way to get the civilians' attention without making them fearful."
"I see." Ahsoka's thrilled this is only being brought to her attention now. She raises a sceptical eye marking, "You're going to take the whole facility down with a rifle?"
"Recon, Jedi." Steela says, walking past Ahsoka and nudging her arm in the process, "Thought you'd know all about that from being in the military."
Ahsoka glares at the woman's back, counting down from ten in her head before she makes a snarky comment. Saw smirks as he walks out of the base, obviously amused whilst Lux pauses beside her, "It's okay, Ahsoka; we all know you haven't been on the field in a while."
His pity makes her blood boil. When the clones return to active duty after a long medical absence, there's an unwritten rule that the others will offer support without making them feel like a burden. It usually involves reminding them that their skills are still there, and they're just as valid in the team as they were before their injury.
It's clear Lux has never been in that type of close-knit military family before. He's never been injured before, at least no worse than the occasional skinned knee in his childhood. He's never had to sit on the side-lines like she has.
He has no idea what it's like.
"Would you like to come with us to scout the power generator?" Lux offers, hesitating by the door.
Ahsoka sucks in a breath and squares her shoulders. "My job is to observe you, and that's what I'll do."
Lux smiles- oblivious to her spiteful tone- and gestures out the door, "Be my guest."
She has to admit, their plan to bring the droid army to a literal standstill by taking down the power grid is quite genius.
It seems like the type of plan Rex or Anakin would come up with, especially because the rebels are relying completely on aggravating the droids enough for them to call reinforcements- it's a very Anakin-like risk to take.
"A tank is typically not the first line of defence when reinforcements are called," she tries to tell Steela as they prepare for the strike at nightfall, "due to their size and fuel consumption, it's easier to send in the more heavy-duty droids first."
"They'll send a tank," Steela says adamantly, "eventually."
Ahsoka frowns, "How many soldiers are you prepared to lose until the tank shows up?" The woman shoots her a nasty look, making Ahsoka shrug, "It's something you've got to ask yourself."
"I've already told you," Steela says, "I'm willing to die for Onderon."
Ahsoka nods, "What about everyone else? Are Saw and Lux prepared to make the same sacrifice, or are you going to make that choice for them?"
"When the time comes, they'll make that decision themselves."
"Remember the plan," Lux says, stepping in between them, "We attack this patrol, and hopefully they'll call in a tank for backup."
Steela catches Ahsoka's eyes on the word 'hopefully'.
Saw gives the signal for the vehicle rigged with droid poppers to be detonated, and Ahsoka watches the electric pulse wipe out a handful of Super Battle Droids.
The rebels spring out of their cover, already shooting at the droids. Ahsoka has to give them some credit; they aren't shinies anymore- their training has paid off.
"Let's hope they send a tank," Ahsoka says, stepping out of the alleyway once every droid has been taken care of. Immediately after joining the others in the street, her montrals pick up mechanic vibrations, and she spins, "Hear that?"
"They've sent destroyers," Steela says beside her, staring wide-eyed at the droids who activate their shields and start firing at them.
"Move!" Ahsoka shouts, running for better cover.
"Where's Saw and Lux?!" Steela shouts over the blaster fire.
"Hopefully, they're taking out the destroyers from behind." Ahsoka grits her teeth, swinging her lightsaber to deflect the bolts. "I'll go and help them."
She skirts the buildings to get around the no man's land. Saw and Lux are hiding out in an alleyway, ready and waiting with their droid poppers. It's good to see the two men finally working together.
"Nice and slow." She reminds them.
"I know!" Lux bites, his eyes flashing. He rolls the EMP grenade with too much momentum, causing it to nudge the destroyer's shield but not pass through.
"Good work, Bonteri!" Saw exclaims as the destroyer turns to face them. Maybe Ahsoka thought too soon about them getting along.
"You two threw me off!" Lux argues.
Ahsoka ignites her lightsaber, ready to help defend them until they disarm the destroyer, but then there's a sudden flash of red in the corner of her eye, and Lux hits the ground.
No.
"Lux!" Saw shouts, panicked.
"Argh!" The man screams, curling into a ball. Ahsoka's lightsaber illuminates the ground, and she sees the obvious tint of scarlet blood.
Lux was shot.
She doesn't understand. She's as confused as Anakin is when Padmé's angry with him.
She's supposed to be protecting these rebels, and yet she's rooted in place, unable to move, or breathe, or think whilst Lux is letting out strangled cries, writhing on the ground.
It's as if her brain short-circuits and needs to be rebooted. Around her, everything's in fast-forward while she's motionless in the middle of it all. Saw's screaming at her to get Lux under cover, but all she wants to do is run.
Run where? She doesn't know.
All she knows is that she's terrified. The fear is wrapping around her like a vine embedded with thorns. It's carbon monoxide- silent and scentless- suffocating her whilst everyone else is oblivious to her torture.
Then, she realises she's seen this scene before.
"Stay down, Ahsoka." He orders, dropping to his knees beside her. He takes her hand, squeezing it as tight as he can. "It's alright; I'm here now. You're going to be fine."
There's another shot ringing through the air, and Ahsoka knows it's aimed for her.
Her lightsaber moves without her telling it to, blocking the bolt destined for her heart and deflecting it back to the rooftop. The black figure falls and doesn't get back up.
"Master..." She says through chattering teeth, "I'm scared..."
"I've got you." The reassurance in his voice is forced. "Obi-Wan, snap out of it! Ahsoka needs help!"
Snap out of it, snap out of it, snap out of it.
She's in an alleyway, pulling Lux's spasming body behind her, nearly tripping over her prosthetic.
"You need to stay still, Ahsoka." Anakin says sternly, "Stay still and it won't be so painful."
She drops to her knees, pulling his hands away from the wound.
It's bleeding bad.
Lux is gasping, choking, spluttering.
"Deep breaths, there you go." Anakin says even though she's struggling for air, "You're going to be fine, I'm right here."
"I'm sorry, Lux," she whispers, pressing down on the wound and trying to ignore his scream of agony which makes her montrals ring, "I'm so sorry; it'll be over soon, I promise."
"What happened?" Steela demands, towering over them.
"I need a medkit!" Ahsoka replies, the authority strong in her voice.
"It was a sniper, on the rooftop." Saw- she thinks- says, "Commander Tano took care of it."
"Ahsoka…" Lux gasps, his eyes glassy but wide with fear- the 501st medics call it the look of impending doom. "Am I… will I…"
"You aren't dying," she tells him pointedly. "Not on my watch."
"Severe blood loss." There's a scratch in the inside of her elbow which she tries to pull away from, only for the senior medic to grip her arm tighter, "Prep a defib in case she flatlines."
"I'm going to die; I'm going to die…" She repeats over and over, sobbing until her throat's raw.
Anakin's beside her, attempting to reassure her even though his own voice is shaking, "Don't say that, Snips; you're going to be fine. Relax, breathe. It's all okay."
"Tachycardia," one medic says, pressing two fingers under the brace on her neck, "use a tourniquet to stem the bleeding."
Ahsoka shakes her head firmly, trying to stay in the moment. If she had hair, she would be trying to tear it out with the hope of expelling the resurfacing memories. Lux's life is in her hands right now, and she can't get distracted.
"We got a medkit," Steela drops to one knee beside her, "Saw, secure a perimeter and organise an evac back to base. I'll establish a clear route-"
"No," Ahsoka growls, her hands shaking as Lux's blood seeps between her fingers. The metallic smell ingrains itself in the air. "You can still take out that power grid, Steela; you've got to complete the mission. I can take care of Lux."
"You and Captain taught us to never leave a soldier behind!" Steela argues.
It's obvious she's never served in the military. Ahsoka remembers the Citadel, desperately wanting to go back for Echo but having a bigger responsibility to get the Nexus Route information back to Coruscant.
"I'm not going to leave him behind, but you have to go!" She snaps, losing her patience, "That's an order, Steela!"
The woman doesn't move, and Ahsoka swears to the Force if she doesn't leave, she'll-
"S-Steela..." Lux groans, shifting under Ahsoka. "Go, co-complete the mission."
His head drops back, and the panic in Ahsoka's chest starts to overboil.
"Listen," she turns to Steela, clipping her tone to avoid swearing, "the tank will definitely be on its way now. You need to hijack it and take out the power generator whilst I get Lux back to base. You cannot let your emotions cloud your judgement tonight."
Steela's gaze flickers between her and Lux before she finally climbs to her feet, "Saw, help the Commander get Lux back safely. Dono, let's take out this power grid."
Ahsoka looks back at Lux, closing her eyes and concentrating hard as she whispers," I am one with the Force and the Force is with me. I am one with the Force and the Force is with me. I am one with the Force and the Force is with me."
Slowly, she manages to stem the bleeding, but her healing abilities are far from lifesaving. All she's given Lux is time.
"I need bacta and bandages," she tells Saw, noticing the others have left.
He nods, crouching by her side and digging through the medkit, "Is he going to be alright?"
"He'll be fine," she says, even though she isn't certain. Blaster wounds to the gut are enough to make Coric and Kix wince. "Apply bacta to the soft side of the dressing and then we'll wrap him up. I'll take a closer look when we're back at base."
She leans back to see the rooftop where the sniper was, "Are you sure he's dead?"
"Pretty positive." Saw says, starting to wrap the bacta covered dressing around Lux's middle.
Ahsoka pulls her hands away, wiping the blood onto her skirt. She's able to think straight now- and breathe, which is nice- but she still can't shake the resemblance between Hardeen's attack and this sniper.
"Can you carry him?" She asks Saw, hoping he doesn't ask why. Not only does she only have only one fully working arm, but her entire body is trembling.
She's seen it in her men before, the ones who have survived the gnarliest of explosions or crashes always tend to go a bit shaky after similar events.
It's normal.
"No problem," Saw's hand brushes against her thigh as he scoops up Lux, careful not to disturb the bandages around his middle.
She'll have to call one of the 501st medics before she tries stitching up his internal damage on her own.
"Come on," she says, keeping her lightsaber in her hand but not igniting it, "Hopefully, the droids will be too focused on what Steela's doing to notice us."
"We can go the back way," Saw tells her, taking point.
They walk for a while in silence, both keeping a close eye on their surroundings. They're entirely vulnerable right now, and if a droid patrol stops them, it'll be straight to the palace- or the prison cells.
When they're nearing the base, the lights in the nearby buildings start turning off, signalling that Steela's mission was a success. Ahsoka can't help but smile, knowing the droids won't be able to go too long without re-charging. This should bring a quicker end to the people's suffering on Onderon.
"What have you got against Steela?"
Saw's question catches her off guard. He keeps walking, not even glancing over his shoulder at her.
"I..." Ahsoka searches for the right words. She doesn't hold any hatred for Steela, but she'd be lying if she said they were the best of friends, "I don't like it when people underestimate me."
"Because you're disabled?" He replies, not skipping a beat.
"Not exactly." She sighs, clipping her lightsaber to her belt as the base comes into view, "I was young when I became a Padawan, and not many people were willing to listen to a teenage girl's military strategies."
"You had to prove yourself." He muses, standing aside whilst she slips in front to open the door.
"Many times." She leads him to the makeshift medbay where he can put Lux down. Thankfully, their base's electricity is powered by a generator, so they don't need candles. "I'm still trying to earn people's respect, especially now."
Once he lays Lux down, she pins Saw with a look, "Your sister doesn't think I'm capable."
He crosses his arms over his chest, smirking. "She doesn't think you're here for the right reasons." When she frowns, he explains, "Steela thinks you came to win little Lux's heart back."
"That couldn't be farther from the truth," Ahsoka tries to tamper down on her growing anger. "I came here because I've spent the last month recovering from life-changing injuries and I need to get used to fieldwork again. Also, if you don't remember, you were the one who asked for the Jedi's help."
He lets out a humourless laugh, stalking towards her slowly, "I don't doubt you came here for the reasons you just stated, Commander, but as I said, Steela believes you care more about Bonteri than our planet."
That's bantha-shit. Ahsoka knows it's better to save one hundred lives and sacrifice one instead of the other way around.
"Well, I'll just have to prove her wrong then," Ahsoka huffs, skirting around Saw before he can get any closer.
She goes to Lux's bedside and snaps on a pair of gloves, "You may want to leave, Gerrera, unless you want to see-"
Her breath hitches in her throat when she feels fingers brushing against her hip, nausea washing over her.
"If things don't work out with Lux, I'll make myself available," Saw murmurs, his voice vibrating against her montral, "Commander Tano."
When she feels a finger on the tip of her lekku, she whirls around.
Nobody gets to touch her there. Not Anakin, not Master Plo, not Rex, not Lux, and certainly not Saw Gerrera.
There's a sound of skin slapping against skin and Saw staggers back, clutching his cheek with wide eyes.
"Out!" She shouts, one hand resting on her lightsaber threateningly.
Anakin's always taught her to not take crap from anybody, and in her current state, Ahsoka's nearing the end of her patience.
She's been yelled at in the street before and been brushed past inappropriately in crowded bars whilst on Jedi business, but nobody has ever violated her so disgustingly by touching her lekku.
Even the 501st medics let Ahsoka tend to the sensitive organs herself whenever they get grazed or bruised.
Saw practically runs out the door, strings of derogatory names for women leaving his mouth as he slams the door behind him.
He's gone, she tries to tell her heart which is hammering in her chest.
It's not like she couldn't stop him if he pushed any further, but the thought of Saw putting her in a vulnerable position made her feel dizzy with fear. It's like back on Zygerria when Atai Molec teased that the Queen would be gifting her to him as a pleasure slave.
"Wha… he do?" She turns back to Lux, blinking tired eyes at her.
"He-" she cuts herself off, noticing the lump in her throat. She swallows, "Nothing. Save your strength, Lux."
Lux doesn't look like he believes her, but he doesn't argue, just rests his head against the pillow once more. Ahsoka almost reaches out to brush a hand over his forehead like she'd do to an injured trooper, but she holds herself back.
"Sorry, this isn't going to be comfortable," she says, opening the bigger medkit which is kept at the base. "I'm no Healer."
Coric isn't expecting a call from Commander Tano at 2300.
He knows Rex and the Generals have left her on Onderon to observe the rebels, but that was only a few hours ago.
Surely, she can't have got herself into too much trouble in less than five hours.
Then again, it's Ahsoka.
He sighs in relief when she tells him that Lux Bonteri is injured and not her. His worry heightens a little when she shows him the Senator's stomach wound, and he wishes Rex were there because the Captain religiously attends First Aid training sessions whereas Ahsoka prefers to spend her free time socialising in the mess.
He walks her through the steps of sewing the young man's gut back together with the meagre supplies she has. In his professional opinion, Bonteri needs a Doctor, not a Jedi Padawan with one working arm and minimal medical training, but Ahsoka follows his instructions like a trance.
She's maybe being a bit too obedient, judging by her lack of snarky comments, but he blames that on the shock of the sniper attack.
"He's practically guaranteed to get an infection, isn't he?" She says, tying off the fresh bandages.
Her tired tone is unsettling.
"If the wound is cleaned twice a day and he sticks to the anti-biotics, he should be fine." He tries to ease the tension, "Sepsis symptoms will start showing in three to five days, and you should be gone by then, so it won't be your problem."
She doesn't laugh or even crack a grin, just rubs a hand down her face, "Not helping, Coric."
He sobers immediately, "Apologies, Commander."
"It's fine," he doesn't think it is, "I've just had a long day."
"Don't overwork yourself, sir." He says, knowing what she and Skywalker are like.
Her smile is forced, "I won't. Goodnight, Sergeant; thanks for your help."
She's enthusiastic to end the call- also not like her. Coric's a medic though, and he knows that trauma can affect people in different ways; he just hopes Ahsoka will be able to cope without her Masters and Captain.
"My Master was not impressed to hear that the assassination attempt against Commander Tano was a failure, your Highness." Dooku says, his hologram flickering due to the old generator they need to use now the power's out.
"Taking down one Jedi will not stop the rebels." King Rash says, angrily biting into a joganberry.
"No, but it will threaten them." The Count says, "The one named Bonteri has a history with Tano, and her death would've left him terribly distraught. That's not the reason I asked you to kill her though, Sanjay."
Rash leans forwards, "Then why, Count?"
"I thought I killed Tano once, and she survived. I won't disappoint my Master again."
"What are you suggesting?" The King asks, "We can't just hire dozens of snipers to try to kill her."
"You won't." The Count smiles sadistically, "I'll come and take care of the situation myself."
"I'm just concerned," Ahsoka admits to her Masters, hugging her knees. "What if it was Hardeen and he wants revenge on the Jedi for outsmarting him?"
"You're paranoid, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan tells her. "Hardeen is being kept in a completely secure facility. Even if he did get out of prison, he would be terrorising the Underworld of Coruscant, not a band of rebels on Onderon."
"It wasn't him, Snips," somehow, Anakin's reassurance seems stronger. "Hardeen was... taken care of."
She straightens in surprise. It's no secret that Anakin can be a bit merciless when it comes to killing criminals, but killing Rako Hardeen whilst he was in prison?
This is news to Obi-Wan as well as he turns to Anakin, "Even when I told you not to?"
"I did what I had to do." Anakin says, unapologetic. "It was probably just a commando sniper, Snips. You said you destroyed it, and Lux is fine, so no harm done."
"I guess," she murmurs, resting her chin on her knees once more.
"I'm afraid I have other business to attend to, young one." Obi-Wan says, stepping aside, "I look forward to your next report."
"Goodnight, Master Kenobi." She rubs her eyes, noticing that Anakin stays on the line.
"Are you alright, Ahsoka?" He asks, concern seeping through his tone.
Tensing, she forces a smile, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Seeing Lux get shot by a sniper, it couldn't have been good for you," her Master says, "Trauma tends to linger and rear its ugly head when you get put in certain situations."
She nods, grateful he isn't probing about the incident with Saw. She keeps her mental shields tightly up, just in case. "I'm fine, Master."
Although he doesn't seem convinced, Anakin doesn't pester, "I'm sure you are, Snips. Just remember, I'm here for you if you need me. I know how it feels to get stuck following your heart instead of your head."
"I know." She licks her lips, "Thank you, Master."
"Take it easy, Ahsoka." With that, Anakin's figure fizzles out, leaving Ahsoka in darkness.
The door behind her opens, light creeping inside the room. Ahsoka doesn't turn around, "What is it, Steela?"
"Lux is waking up," the woman tells her from the threshold.
"Good." Ahsoka eases the tension out of her shoulders.
"We're going to celebrate our victory; would you like to join us?"
Ahsoka finally looks over her shoulder, scans Steela's face to see she's genuine. She doesn't feel like partying right now, especially if that involves being near Saw, "Thanks, but I'll pass."
"Are you sure?" Steela almost sounds disappointed.
"Positive." Ahsoka replies, turning back around. "Enjoy the celebrations."
Silence follows, and she knows Steela hasn't left because the door's still open.
"Ahsoka?"
She half-turns, not expecting to see Steela only a few feet away from her, "Yes?"
"Lux owes you his life," She gives Ahsoka a small smile, "I see now why he respects you so much."
It's as if her value wholly relies on Lux's respect for her.
Ahsoka presses her lips together, not wanting to cause any more arguments tonight. "Thanks, Steela." She stands up, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to retire."