Here is the inevitable conversation with Hermione. Hope you enjoy!

Harry woke shivering from the cold, it was clearly the middle of the night and at first he was confused at his surroundings before he realised he was laying on the cold hard floor of his kitchen. He got up slowly and settled himself in his proper bed. Despite the late hour and the fact that he had been asleep on the kitchen floor for quite a few hours he felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. Settling into his bed he fell back asleep quite quickly and for the first time in almost 10 months had a dreamless sleep.

Feeling more refreshed than he had in a long time Harry got out of bed and went about his daily chores. Despite the poor weather Harry decided to have breakfast under the verandah that looked out onto the backyard and penned a letter to his oldest friend.

Dear Hermione,

I am sorry that I have not been in touch these past months, I needed time to myself to process everything that has happened in my life. While I appreciate the offer to spend Christmas with you and your family, I must decline. I do not wish to be in a place where others would be able to reach me easily. I fear that Molly will get wind of it somehow and bombard me with a thousand questions and concerns for my well being. I have already told Arthur and McGonagall that I am fine but you can also pass on the message for me. However, I would be happy to have you, and you only, come and visit me at some point over the Christmas holidays. Let me know a day that works for you and I will send my address and allow you access to the grounds. And Hermione, I know that you care for me and will often do what you think is right for me, but let me tell you now that you will not be able to bring anyone with you. The wards around Potter Manor are very specific and dangerous. Not even Arthur and McGonagall could reenter the grounds safely unless I wished it. Please send your reply with Hedwig.

Oh, and Hermione, no presents.

Harry

After reading the letter through twice Harry was satisfied. It was quite a formal letter but he didn't mind, he just hoped Hermione took his warning about the wards seriously. Even though he would enchant the address that only Hermione could read it before it destroyed itself, he didn't put it past her trying to bring Ginny or Ron along somehow. He would hate for Hermione to have to explain to Molly why her children were injured or killed for trying to enter Potter manor. Hedwig landed on his table not long after, clearly sensing that Harry has some letters for her. 'You really are a remarkable bird.' Hedwig made a very satisfied noise before holding out her leg for Harry to attach his letter. 'For Hermione, and please wait with her until she responds.' Hedwig nodded her understanding and before she took off Harry gave her a little bit of his breakfast.

Hermione's reply came later that afternoon while Harry was out hunting. Hedwig found him and gave him the letter, it was as he had expected. She was disappointed that he wouldn't come to her house and trust her not to tell anyone but was excited to see him nonetheless as well as Potter Manor. She told him that she would love to come up on boxing day and would aim to be there by 9am, if that wasn't too early. Smiling Harry knew he would have already been up for at least 3 hours by then and would be ready for her. He decided he would cook Hermione a late breakfast, venison omelettes sounds like a nice option.

'Oh shit.' He quietly muttered to himself. 'I have no fucking idea what day it is.' While he was obviously aware of the seasonal changes he hadn't been keeping track of the dates. When he had organised his meeting with Arthur and McGonagall he had merely stated '3 days from now', even then he hadn't bothered with the dates. Harry quickly scanned the letter a second time and once again found himself thanking Hermione's predictable nature. She always dated her letters and he discovered that it was the 30th of November, he had less than a month before he Hermione came to visit and that suited him just fine.

He finished his hunt, managing to pierce a stag through the heart as it tried to run away. He was getting quite good with the bow and arrow and was not going to starve anytime soon. After cleaning up and preparing the meat Harry sent his reply to Hermione, again stressing that she should not try and bring anyone with her, and told Cassandra that they would have a guest. Cassandra was happy to hear that Harry had listened to her assured him that the portraits would all be there to support him when she arrived, just like Winston had been with Arthur and McGonagall.

The next month passed by without too much changing in Harry's world. Physically he was getting stronger everyday thanks to his manual labour led lifestyle. On one of his treks through the Potter woods he had stumbled across a run down shack, that after discussing it with Winston turned out to be the old hunting cabin. Harry had been spending most days repairing it and it was coming along nicely, he hoped to have it finished within the next few months, hopefully before spring when more animals would be out and about. He still visited the Thestrals daily and the bond between him and the magnificent creatures only grew stronger. He still hadn't bothered to shave or cut his hair and after a long day hunting or building his ancestors would joke that he looked more like a wild hermit than a young Lord. They had affectionately began to call him their 'mountain man' which Harry quietly loved very much. However once he had showered and washed the look actually suited him, rough yes, but it seemed like a perfect fit for him. His hair was close to touching his shoulders by now and his beard was just under an inch long. Despite only being 18 years of age, Harry looked much older and considering how much he had been through, was indeed a much older man in more than just appearance.

Despite now being aware what day it was now, Christmas passed without any change to the normal routine at Potter Manor. After not celebrating Christmas for the last 17 years the portraits had grown used to it and Harry was in no mood to make a big fanfare of the thing. Instead he spent the day working on his cabin. It was starting to take shape and he was proud of the work that he had accomplished so far. He was forced to strip the whole thing back to its bare bones as so many of the walls and roof had been damaged and decayed over time. He had found a large English Oak tree and had spent an entire week cutting it down and shaping the pieces of wood to work for his purposes. By now he had some of the walls put and he could see it all coming together. It was late in the afternoon when he managed to find a kill a doe with a clean shot from his bow.

He had become quite proficient at hunting and was quite skilled with this type of weapon. He had learnt how to stalk his prey quite effectively; with help from Winston he had discovered how to use the environment to his own advantage and stay hidden from all that lived in the forest. He didn't need magic to be good at this and despite some major learning curves early on he was now rather good. He was also aided by the use of some excellent hunting gear that his grandfather had led him to. There were some lightweight black boots made of dragon leather that had a silencing charm on them that would muffle the footsteps of the wearer designed specifically for hiding the sound of a breaking stick of leaves rustling under the hunters boots; a dark black cloak that had a chameleon charm on it. When activated it would reflect the surrounding area and while not giving complete invisibility was incredibly hard to detect and was much easier than a disillusionment charm. Harry found that it was more practical than his invisibility cloak as it allowed him to use his bow freely without fear of showing his body. The rest of the outfit was also made of black dragon leather, strong yet breathable to give the wearer protection from magical beasts and damage from perhaps an animal attack. They magically shrunk and expanded for each wearer and as Harry's body developed the outfit grew with him.

Harry woke at his usual time on the day of Hermione's visit. He was pleased to find quite a few eggs in the chicken coop and knew they would make a good breakfast. After picking the fresh ingredients he needed from his veggie patch for lunch he made his way back to the house to get the breakfast started. Harry had just finished preparing dinner when he was alerted to a guest at the front gates, after letting Hermione in through the wards in the study he walked over to the front door of the Manor and watched as his bushy-haired friend made her way up the drive. He hung in the shadows so that he could observe her while she couldn't see him. He knew she would have a lot to say about his appearance and didn't want to give her much time to think of things to point out. She was looking around the property and at the house in awe, taking in every detail and admiring the craftsmanship of the house and the vastness of the grounds.

He watched her take the last few steps, up to the front door with her attention focused on the paneling above the door that she didn't see Harry reveal himself, 'Good morning Hermione' Hermione quickly turned her attention to the man in the doorway. Her reaction was exactly what he had thought it would be, her mouth dropped open in shock and for a few seconds she was speechless but in true Hermione style she quickly gathered her thoughts, threw her arms around Harry and began talking all at once.

'Oh my goodness Harry, you look so different! Look at that beard! Oh, it's so good to see you again, I've missed you so much, we all have, the Weasleys send their love, Molly wishes she could come and cook for you and that you should have come to Christmas, Ron is…'

Hermione stopped talking as she felt Harry chuckling, 'What?' she demanded withdrawing from the hug.

'It's good to see you Hermione.' Harry smiled and turned into the house 'This way, I have some people to introduce you to.' They spent the next two and a half hours walking around the manor meeting all of Harry's ancestors, Hermione had spent almost an hour in the library alone before Harry could get her to leave. Harry introduced Hermione to Cassandra and Philip first and saved Winston till last. Both were happy to meet Hermione after all they had heard of her and how she had stuck by Harry. Hermione was surprised and delighted to meet so many of Harry's family members and fired a million questions at each of them. Harry had to pry her away from each portrait and led her to the kitchen for their breakfast.

As they were leaving the study Hermione asked excitedly, 'Do I get to meet your parents now?' thinking Harry had saved them to last, she heard a growl from Winston's portrait behind her and saw Harry's demeanour shift every so slightly. He had been quiet and passive the whole time she had been there except for the small chuckle at the beginning and this was the first time she saw real emotions flicker across his face.

She looked between Harry and Winston before realising 'They never got to make one did they?' she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

Harry shook his head slowly, she looked at him with sad eyes and went to hug when he stopped her, 'I don't need any more pity and sadness from others Hermione, I've had enough for two lifetimes.'

With that he strode out of the study and made his way to the kitchen. Hermione stood still for a few moments before slowly following him, Cassandra and Philip gave her a small understanding smile as she passed, Cassandra gave her look as if to say 'don't push him'. Hermione entered the kitchen and watched Harry preparing their breakfast, there was so much she wanted to say to him but she decided to take Cassandra's warning seriously. Everyone had felt loss and pain during the war but none as much as Harry, and so she went in another direction.

'This house is magnificent Harry, and Cassandra and your other ancestors are so lovely, and my goodness, your library! I could spend weeks in there.' For the second time that day Harry chuckled, Hermione was nothing if not predictable.

'I bet you could. Unfortunately you wouldn't be able to actually read all of them.' Harry replied, still focusing on the breakfast. Hermione took his chuckle as a good sign and entered the room, taking a seat at the small table that was prepared for lunch. Clearly they weren't going into the grand dining hall.

'Why's that?'

'Well quite a few are charmed so that only someone with Potter blood can read them. They are full of family histories and family magic that cannot be accessed by outsiders.'

'That's amazing! I have read about that brand of family magic but it is cool to see that you have it!' Hermione exclaimed excitedly.

Harry merely shrugged his shoulders and muttered 'Sure.'

Hermione looked at Harry, unable to understand why he wasn't even remotely interested in his family's magic. She sat in silence for a few moments as she watched Harry finish the cooking, he wasn't using his wand but this didn't bother Hermione as she had lived in that tent with him for many months and he had always preferred to cook the muggle way.

'So what have you been doing up here by yourself all these months Harry?'

With his back still faced away from her Harry replied, 'This and that I suppose. Been getting to know my family more. I read, build things, hunt. Get by.'

'Oh… sounds great!' Hermione tried to make it sound like she believed it but the two of them could tell she had failed.

'I'm sorry Harry, it just seems that you are hiding away from the world up here, you're escaping your problems rather than facing them head on.' Harry stopped what he was doing and lent forward on the counter, after a few breaths of silence he slowly turned and faced his old friend. He studied her face and saw that she only had genuine concern for him, but it held a sense of superiority and I know better about it which annoyed him.

'Hermione. For the last 7 years I have run headlong into danger at every opportunity. I have been lied to my whole life, used as a pawn in a chess game between two Wizards with delusions of grandeur and have lost so many people that I cared about. I believe I have earned the right to some time to myself. Now, we can either eat a nice meal in peace and catch up or you can keep hounding me about what I am doing here and I can ask the wards to kick you out. Your choice.'

Harry spoke in a straightforward matter of fact voice. There was no anger, not even the slightest hint of frustration, he was merely stating how it was. At first Hermione was shocked, she went to protest to Harry but heard a cough from the entrance hallway and remembered Cassandra's warning.

'You're right Harry, I am sorry. I just worry about you, you know? You're my best friend.'

'I know Hermione, I just don't need it right now. Okay breakfast, well I guess lunch now, is ready.' As he said this Harry turned around with two plates of omelettes for the two of them.

'Wine? Or just water?'

'Just water for now thanks.'

And with that the two old friends sat down at the table and caught up. Hermione told him about everything that was going on with Hogwarts, their friends, the ministry and much more. Most of the information he had known anyway from her previous letters but Hermione had always loved to talk. The only surprising news was that she and Neville had started to see each other romantically.

Turns out Neville really had grown up in the last two years and was now a confident, handsome and kind hearted man. He loved her intelligence and her drive and rather than dismiss and fight with her like Ron did, Neville supported her and engaged her in a more elegant and conversational manner. They had made it official only a few days before Christmas and had met each others families on Christmas. Apparently Augusta was quite brisk at the start but by the end had hugged her goodbye. Harry was happy for the two, although he wasn't sure it was happiness, he just wasn't anything else about the news, maybe he didn't care at all?

At any rate, he decided to be happy for her and told her so. After their meal Hermione wanted to see what he had been building so he took her to see his chicken coop and veggie patch. Explained all about his methods for growing things, hunting and the rest. Hermione watched his carefully throughout all this and realised that not once during their day did he use his wand. She finally decided to bring it up when they settled into the study to have a glass of wine before she left to go and see Neville. Harry was currently lighting the fire using a flint and she couldn't keep it any longer.

'Harry?'

'Yes Hermione?'

'I noticed that you haven't used your wand at all today. Why?' She watched him pause, sigh deeply before he went back to lighting the fire.

She could tell he wasn't ignoring her but instead was clearly thinking about how to respond. Once the fire was lit he came over and sat down in his armchair and stared into the flames that were growing rapidly before speaking in a quiet but firm tone.

'I have no use for it anymore. I have no use for magic anymore. I can live without it and I intend to do so. I have everything I need at my disposal. My wand… it doesn't feel the same, magic doesn't feel the same. Magic, despite it's wonder, has given me more pain than I can endure. At times I wish I had been born to muggle parents in a quiet muggle street and live a happy normal life. However, that is not possible, and to wish for anything other than what life has given us is pointless. So I don't use my wand.'

Hermione had no idea how to respond to this. Despite all they had been through Hermione still thought Magic was brilliant, she was fascinated with learning all she could about it and wanted to use it as much as possible. She couldn't understand how he wouldn't want to use it! It was flowing through his body this very minute and he was rejecting it.

'Harry… but magic is a part of you! It's who you are! Look at all we can accomplish with magic, what great things we can do and give to the world!'

'And look at what it destroy.' Harry cut in.

'But Harry! Magic has given you so much! A home in Hogwarts, friends and family.'

'And it has also taken all of those things. Magic was taken far more than it has given.' Hermione's eyes started to swell up at this statement. She couldn't help but feel a bit heartbroken. They had been through so much together and she hoped that her friendship and that of the Weasley's must have meant more to him.

'But what about me? The Weasley's? Hagrid? We all love you! Dumbledore always said lo…'

'Do not speak to me about Dumbledore.' Harry spat out the name as if it was poison on his tongue.

'Harry! He made mistakes but he loved you as if you were his own grandson!'

Harry chuckled again but it wasn't like his earlier chuckles, this one was dark and made Hermione shiver.

'Oh Hermione. You have always put far too much trust in authority and rules. Dumbledore didn't love me. He loved the tool he had at his disposal, a convenient sacrifice. If his greed hadn't blinded him when he put on that ring he would have lived to see me die and once again be the most powerful Wizard in Britain. There is so much you do not know Hermione, but trust me when I say you will find no supporters of Dumbledore in this house.'

Hermione had no idea what to say to this, she had never been close to Dumbledore but she had always respected the man, he was the leader of the light after all! She glanced up at Winston's portrait to try and seek a friendly face but instead she saw a hateful sneer across the mans face. It seemed Harry was right, Dumbledore was not loved at Potter Manor. Unsure of what to say next Hermione finally came around to the topic she had been planning on discussing with Harry today.

'Okay Harry… Well… In a few months it will be a year since you defeated Voldermort and there is going to be a ceremony at Hogwarts to com…'

'Forget it Hermione, I am not going.'

'But…'

'No Hermione. I won't go. I am no longer their poster boy, their little trophy they can roll out when they need it. I am done with them all.'

'Harry please! You must come. All your friends will be there, many people who are still grieving and are scared about all the changes taking place will be there. Ron and I will be there, but it would mean so much to everyone if you came, I know you are in pain but think of the good of...'

Harry interrupted her yet again, this time turning to face Hermione. His eyes were fierce and with the light of the fire hitting them he looked quite scary.

'Do you mean the greater good Hermione? That I should put aside everything for the greater good?'

It was clear to Hermione that she had said the wrong thing. She had no idea Harry felt so much hatred towards Dumbledore and she was honestly at a loss. Harry stared at her for a few moments before abruptly standing up.

'I am tired Hermione, I am going to bed, Neville must be waiting for you.'

Harry led a still shocked Hermione to the gates and opened them. Hermione paused before she excited and gave Harry a hug that he only partially returned.

'I love you Harry, I am so sorry to see you like this. Please come back to us.' And with that she turned and left Potter Manor. Harry wasn't tired at all and despite the darkness and bitter winds around him he made his way to the cabin and worked deep into the night. As Harry worked long into the night a concerned Winston pondered all he had heard tonight. He had known that Harry needed time to hear all of his families stories and was hoping that he was ready to hear the most important story of all, he had been waiting for the right time but it was clear with Harry distancing himself from magic that Harry was not able to hear about Walter Potter, not for a long time yet.

There we have it! Until next time