Thanks to The Winged Huntress, W and Praise's waterfall for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 73

Lovino sighed as he leaned back in his chair. The second draft was complete. All that was left was to email it to the editor.

Several months had passed since he was stabbed. In order to help his recovery, he found it was easier to focus on writing. The book he'd managed to write was typed, and he sent it to Winston to critique, who then helped him to send it to a publisher. And the publisher was very interested, especially when he found out that it was semi-autobiographical. But he still chose to write under the name of Romano Vargas.

Just the reminder made him smile. He was going to publish a book. His friends were also happy for him, and Yao even baked him a cake in celebration. And so did his father.

Needless to say, he had a lot of cake during that time.

He felt a nudge against his hip and looked down. He smiled when he saw Chiara, and scratched her behind the ear.

"Hey girl," he cooed. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

She gave one single bark, and he chuckled. He stood up and grabbed her leash, taking note of her excitement. Tails were a wonderful, though dangerous thing. Hence why they kept anything fragile away from where the tail might accidentally knock it down.

He made his way out of his room and went to knock on Marcello's door. The younger Italian opened his door, and upon noticing the excited dog, he smiled.

"It's that time, huh?" Marcello asked.

"If you're busy, I could always ask Feli," Lovino said.

"No. Let me just grab my cell phone."

Ever since the attack, none of them were comfortable with allowing Lovino to go for a walk on his own. Feliciano and Marcello usually took turns to accompany Lovino. Even though the trio were sent to a juvenile hall, there was still the lingering fear.

Matthew said that it was completely normal to experience something like that. He'd been through a traumatic event, and it would take some time to recover. Forcing him to do things before he was ready to do them would potentially cause him to lose any progress that he had, and the worst-case scenario was that they would have to start from the beginning.

The two informed their father that they were taking Chiara for a walk, and after the customary 'be careful', they set out.

…

"Like, we should totally throw a party," Feliks announced.

The others paused while in various stages of the eating process in order to turn to Feliks.

"What exactly brought this on?" Gupta asked.

"Like, today is the anniversary of the day I met Lovino!" Feliks exclaimed. "Like, the first step in all of us coming together!"

Lovino choked on the mouthful of water he had just taken into his mouth. Was it really that time? And did Feliks seriously keep track?

Of course, they all understood the other implications of what Feliks was saying: It was almost time for the anniversary of Lovino's suicide attempt.

"What do you think?" Miguel asked, clearly understanding the conflict in Lovino's eyes.

Before Lovino could answer, someone else joined their company. Lien smiled towards Lovino as she sat down.

"Hey there," she greeted. "So, why's everyone so gloomy?"

Ever since Lovino was attacked, Lien had gotten closer to him. She was clearly worried, and after a few months, the two of them started dating. Lovino was happy to have someone like that. Her question reminded him that a year ago, he didn't think he would ever be dating someone.

"It's the anniversary of Lovino and Feliks meeting," Heracles explained.

"Shouldn't you be more excited about it?" Lien asked, looking between the group and especially at Lovino.

"That also means that next Friday is the anniversary of my suicide attempt," Lovino said.

Lien's eyes widened as she understood. She reached out to squeeze Lovino's hand, and he squeezed back.

The reminder caused all sorts of memories to flash through his mind. Him yelling at Feliks to stay away from him. The trio strangling him, kicking him, hitting him, breaking his wrist. Everyone telling him to die. His father yelling at him.

Lien gently grabbed his jaw and kissed him. That managed to snap him out of it. He realised that he was hyperventilating, and his hands were trembling. Lien pulled away after a few seconds, worry in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

Lovino nodded. He was startled by the sound of a throat clearing behind him, and he turned to see Mr Jones standing there, eyebrow raised.

"You know that kind of thing isn't allowed, right?" Alfred asked.

"He was having a panic attack," Lien said simply. "One of the only ways to snap him out of it is for me to kiss him."

Lovino had to repress the groan as the teacher turned his gaze to him next.

"Is everything alright?" Alfred asked.

"Si," Lovino sighed. "It's just… Next week's the anniversary of, um… of my suicide attempt. And I just got a few ugly flashbacks."

Alfred's face softened.

"Well, you've got your friends to pull you out," Alfred said. "Just no kissing next time, or you might get into actual trouble, okay?"

Lovino smiled softly and nodded his head.

…

Marcello was on his way to class when he bumped into Mr Zwingli.

"Oh, Marcello," Vash said. "Are you still coming on Saturday?"

"Of course," Marcello chirped.

Marcello and his friends decided to follow Lovino and his friends' example and attempted to spend every weekend together doing something they enjoyed. Camille especially needed it, and so did Ludwig, who was absorbed into the group along with his friend Samuel. Things had been a bit stressed ever since the trio had been convicted. Quite a few people were assuming that whatever was wrong with the trio ran in the family, especially in Ludwig's case. Asides from juvie, Gilbert especially had to see a psychiatrist. Apparently while they were conducting the investigation, they found that Gilbert seemed to have suffered from a brain injury long ago that might have affected his psyche.

It was completely absurd, of course. Camille and Ludwig would never hurt anyone. And whatever issues the trio had, their family members did not have them too.

"By the way, how's your brother?" Vash asked.

"He's doing great," Marcello said. "He's actually publishing a novel."

"That's impressive. What's it about?"

"It's… kind of about what he went through. Everything."

Vash winced. He could understand what it might mean. The school had certainly been dealing with a lot of publicity since the trial. A lot of it was less than positive. It didn't help that the school had already been dealing with an investigation from the Department of Education for neglecting to teach a core subject designed to improve human relationships and to prevent nasty things like bullying. While the press hadn't interviewed any of the Vargas brothers – they couldn't convince Romulus to allow that to happen – a lot of students and teachers did confirm that there was a student that was bullied and no one did anything about it. The journalists managed to connect the trio's trial with the bullying, and the school had to deal with a lot of changes the last few months.

Among other things, the school principal had been suspended and the vice principal had to take charge.

It was… difficult, to say the least. Everyone was under pressure, and there was always this paranoia of a new scandal being discovered.

Well, there was some benefit. Other students that had been bullied without anyone acknowledging it decided to speak out and seek help. There was one boy in Marcello's class who sometimes came to talk to him about it, and specifically wanting to know about Lovino's experiences with everything.

Perhaps Marcello should arrange for the two to meet sometime and have an actual conversation.

"Well, no one's real names are used, and the setting is also completely fictional," Marcello clarified.

"Oh, that's better, I guess," Vash said. "Tell him to save me a copy when it comes out."

…

Francis, Antonio and Gilbert were sitting together in one of the worst things they had to put up with during their stay there.

Group therapy.

Gilbert especially was upset because he was supposed to be seeing a therapist even more often than normal.

The trio had been lucky when they were sent to the same facility. And at least their reputations had worked in their favour, since few people wanted to challenge a trio who were there for attempted murder. It was especially useful for Francis, pretty boy that he was. Though he didn't look so pretty anymore.

The months had been a bit rough, but they managed.

The three of them stuck together, and they actually felt that their time there improved their relationship. The only thing that could make them a bit uncomfortable at this point was Lovino.

One of the questions that the therapist would often ask them was what they would say if they were to meet Lovino again. It was always a variant of an apology.

I know he won't believe me, but I would like to apologise.

I would say I'm sorry. Though I know that it won't fix anything.

I would probably apologise, but it might be better if we kept our distance.

The three understood that what they did was wrong, and that they had no reason to do something like that. If only they'd understood that before they tried to do the worst thing possible to Lovino.

They still had a few months before they had to be evaluated to see where they would go then.

…

Lovino groaned when his alarm went off. He reached out to shut it off before he froze. He remembered what day it was.

He remained there for quite some time, until he could hear his father's footsteps. Due to Chiara sleeping in his room and possibly needing to go out during the night, the door remained open. His father still knocked on the door before he entered.

"Lovino?" Romulus asked. "Is everything alright?"

"It's the anniversary," Lovino muttered.

"Anniversary? Of what?"

"…Tomorrow's Mama's anniversary."

He didn't know if his father understood his meaning, for the man was silent. Lovino heard gentle footsteps approaching his bed before his father's weight joined him. He was gently pulled into a sitting position before his father wrapped his arms around him.

"Hard to believe it's already been a year," Romulus muttered. "I'm just glad to still have you with us. If you want, I can call the school and tell them you're not feeling well."

Lovino shook his head.

"N-no," he stammered. "It's fine. I just… Need a moment."

His father kissed him on the head.

"Of course," Romulus whispered. "But don't take too long. You'll need to catch the bus, after all."

Lovino smiled at his father's words. Yes, he could think of a few people that would be especially worried about him on this particular day.

…

"This is for you," Yao said as he handed the paper bag to Lovino.

Lovino already knew what this would be. Yao had done the same on the anniversary of Feliks's own suicide attempt. When he looked inside, he saw that the bag was full of fortune cookies which would most likely have inspirational and heart-warming messages.

"Grazie," Lovino said.

His other friends also made sure that he remembered that they were there for him and that they cared for him. Lovino barely had a moment where he could dwell on any recollections of that day. The teachers were also compassionate and sympathetic, and the rest of the students were far nicer than the students of his previous school could ever be.

Long story short, the murder attempt really hammered in how bad he had it.

…

Lovino sat down at his desk with a huge sigh. He had decided that he would face this. One more time.

He removed three books from one of the drawers. The three books in which he wrote all of the horrible things that everyone had said to him since his mother died. Swallowing thickly, he started to read.

He didn't know how long it took him, but he had to take frequent breaks as the tears kept falling. All of the things he had been told… And since he started reading the first book, just remembering how young he was when he was told these things… It was too much.

And it made him thankful that, asides from the few encounters with the trio, he hadn't had another reason to write in these books again.

He quickly wiped away the tears when there was a gentle knock on the door. Feliciano, of course, didn't wait for him to respond before he opened it.

"What are you doing, Lovino?" Feliciano asked. "What's…?" He saw the books on the desk and his eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to make peace with the past," Lovino said, before he took one of the fortune cookies from the paper bag which also rested on the desk.

Feliciano approached him and gently wrapped him in a hug. Lovino leaned into his brother's embrace.

"You know, a year ago, I found my twin brother on his bed," Feliciano muttered. "He wouldn't wake up. And then I saw that he swallowed a bottle of pills. I thought that he was going to die. He almost did. I've never been so scared before. And then I found out how bad I was at being a brother."

"Feli…" Lovino said.

"I didn't realise that he needed me," Feliciano continued as though Lovino didn't interrupt. "I didn't realise that people that were nice to me were horrible to him. I didn't think anything was wrong." Feliciano squeezed tighter. "I hope you remember that we all love you, Lovino."

"I know."

The two remained like that for a moment before Feliciano pulled away.

"Should you really be reading those?" he asked.

"It's necessary," Lovino explained.

Feliciano scrutinised him for a moment before he turned his attention to the bag of cookies.

"Can I have one?" he asked.

Lovino nodded, and Feliciano took one of the cookies. A few seconds later, a scrap of paper was placed in front of Lovino. He could recognise Vlad's handwriting, and wondered if Yao asked all of them to help him with the cookies.

You are one of the reasons why we smile.

He couldn't help but smile at those words.

…

That evening, the four members of the Vargas family watched as three books were swallowed up by the flames.

…

Lovino placed the bouquet of flowers on the grass in front of the tombstone. The name 'Chiara Vargas' was all he could really see.

"Mama," he whispered, "I hope you're happy wherever you are. Turns out, I'm not going to join you anytime soon. I hope. I wonder, are you the one that kept me from joining you sooner? If so, then… I'm glad. Turns out, I've still got a lot to live for, and I have a lot of people to live for too. So… you don't have to worry about me. And I promise, I'll keep an eye on these other three. We all miss you, Mama."

The other three remained silent as Lovino took a moment to speak to his mother. He stood when he was finished, and to his surprise, Marcello approached and bent down.

"Mama, I'm sorry that I don't remember much about you," Marcello said. "But… if you are the one that took care of Lovino… Grazie. You knew how precious he was to us, even if we were too stupid to understand it ourselves."

When Marcello straightened, Feliciano came closer. He went down on his knees, and Lovino wondered how much Kiku influenced his brother.

"Mama, I'm sorry I was an idiot that didn't understand mio fratello was hurting," Feliciano said. "But we're all doing better now. So… Grazie for looking after us. Especially Lovino. He needed you the most."

Lovino could feel tears pricking at his eyes as he heard his brothers' words. A little more than a year ago, this would have seemed like a dream that he never thought could have been true. But that was nothing compared to what he felt when his father approached the grave as well.

"Chiara, I think we did well," Romulus said. "We have three beautiful sons, both inside and out. I know I was a horrible father to Lovino, but… we're better now. And if I'm ever such a stupid jerk, feel free to send me a rash where no one would want something like that. Back then, I didn't think I would be able to raise three kids without you. I was kind of right. I'm just sorry about the way I found out that I failed. If you can, please help me make things better for our three boys." He paused to place his hand on the tombstone. "I miss you."

All four males left the cemetery with tears staining their cheeks, but there were still happy smiles on their faces.

…

"Congratulations, Lovino," Matthew said. "You pass."

Lovino stared blankly at his therapist.

"What did I pass?" Lovino asked.

"Remember, I asked you if you can try holding out for one year to see if you can find something to live for," Matthew said. "And it's officially been a year."

Lovino remembered that conversation. Realising what exactly Matthew meant, a smile broke out.

"And to celebrate, I got you a little something," Matthew continued.

Lovino smiled when he saw the book that Matthew handed to him. Thirteen Reasons Why. He knew about this book, and understood why Matthew gave it to him. It was a reminder of how far he'd come.

And Matthew was right. Lovino knew that he wasn't the same boy that he had been a year ago. He knew that his family loved him. He had friends that celebrated the good times with him and helped him through the hard times. He had a plan for the future, and no reason to be afraid anymore.

He had everything to live for.

And that's that. It took me longer than I intended to reach this point, and we had quite a few detours, but we finally reached the ending. Sorry if anyone's disappointed. But this is always how I envisioned the ending to be. After the trio finally got their comeuppance, a time skip to a year after the beginning of the story to show how much Lovino changed.

Oh, and I meant to say it in the beginning, so I'll say it now. This story was originally inspired by Mx Akiyata's story 'Senseless'. The idea came after the sixth time I've read that story. Unfortunately, it seems as though it's been deleted, which is a real pity. I've been holding off on reading it again until I'm finished with this story, and when I decided that now's the time to read it, it's gone.

I'll see if I can manage my time wisely to hopefully have a new fic ready soon. Between work, my other fics and nanowrimo, it's going to take a lot of effort to manage that. I've chosen six possibilities, with four of them shipping fics, one fantasy, and another leaning towards horror. We'll see which one is ready first. Romano has a supporting role in at least four of those fics, but in light of this one, I might be able to work on one where he's more prominent. Or any of the other characters you saw here. You can send me a PM to tell me which character you would like to see as a major character (among the stories listed on my profile), or the story itself, and I'll see what I can do.