Chapter Ten: Hi, Society! (Pt. 1)

"So…so you want to try and make things work?" Nate asked, running a few fingers through his thick dirty blonde hair. His blue eyes were clouded with confusion.

No, her mind shouted, "Yes- yes I do."

She could feel the tension flowing from the other room. She had pulled Nate to the side at the sound of Chuck admitting the plan he and Serena had had all along. The plan to get the two of them back together, the plan for Blair to be happy again. The sound of Chuck's deep voice saying anything but what he had been telling her in private for a month was enough to bring immediate tears to her eyes, though she fought those back as she tried to focus on Nate. Nate Archibald, the boy she had wanted to marry since kindergarten, now paling in comparison to his dark best friend. She hated herself for that.

"Blair, you wouldn't even return my calls thanksgiving," he said, his voice flooded with relief, "I was so worried you had…I don't know, forgotten about me. About us. Or maybe even met someone else."

"That's ridiculous," she said, forcing herself to take his hand in hers. She ran her fingertips over the flesh there, noticing how the skin on skin contact didn't make her insides catch fire with Nate. She swallowed as she heard the conversation in the other room stop, and she could only imagine the pleased looks that were undoubtedly on Chuck and Serena's faces, "You know me…I've always wanted you, Nate."

He smiled then, a sweet, overjoyed smile that started with his eyes and ended with his lovely white teeth. That smile had been her motivation at one point, a trait that she wanted her children to possess. But as she stood there, she could only imagine how much better she would feel if that smile was instead a trademark smirk accompanied by knowing dark eyes.

"H-however, I think we should take it slow…maybe, try to get to know each other again, first," she said, praying that her voice was more convincing than she thought it was. She gave his hand a light squeeze and added, "I want to do things right."

"I couldn't agree more," he said, lifting her hand up to his mouth and planting a small, wet kiss on her knuckles, "And, I know its last minute and all, but I could just get a different tie for tomorrow night, if we wanted to go-"

"Perfect," she said, worrying that if she waited to hear the end of his sentence that she would back at altogether, "I know Chuck and Serena won't mind."

Chuck entered the foyer area then, his dark eyes conveying something that Blair could only identify as confusion. They seemed to be bigger than usual, as though he was searching for her thoughts as much as she was searching for his. She didn't know what he was thinking, and in all honesty, she didn't want to know. She must seem pathetic, weak, and easy to him. She'd given up her virginity after a mere hour and a half of being single. She'd been playing a game with him that had been special to her, one that he had undoubtedly played with countless females over the years: the game of desire. The chase.

Serena followed quickly behind him, her eyes smiling just as wide as her mouth was. Blair forced herself to break eye contact with Chuck and looked up at her beautiful best friend with a false sincerity, "Well, congrats, S. I'm impressed. Your plan worked. You guys don't mind if Nate escorts me to Cotillion tomorrow instead, do you? I mean, that was the end goal all along, wasn't it, Chuck?" Basstard.

Chuck's voice broke a little as he took as step toward her, "Blair, I-"

"Of course! Yay, this is going to be perfect!" Serena said, hopping over to Blair and giving her a huge hug. The brunette barely embraced her back, her brown eyes glued to Chuck's pained expression, "Oh, B. It's gonna be just like you always dreamed it would be."

"Yeah," Blair said. It would be exactly what she had always wanted…until a month ago, when everything changed. But all of that would be buried in due time. She just had to smile and wave through the next twenty-four hours.

The next morning Chuck felt as though the weight of every single word he had uttered to Blair was crashing down on him. He'd never felt as strongly about a person as he did Blair. He loved her. But he also respected her and valued her friendship. He feared that his inability to answer Serena the night before had destroyed all of that. How was he supposed to know what Blair wanted him to say? They weren't supposed to tell anyone yet, were they? It hardly seemed like the time or place to mention it. He was just going along with whatever Serena said, completely unaware of the fact that Blair was going to take him so seriously.

She was going to be on Nate's arm that night. He was going to have to watch her, as he had for years, but it was different. He'd never known how good it would feel to kiss her or touch her or make her whisper and moan his name over and over. He didn't know that he would grow to love every single fiber that was Blair Waldorf, from her power to her insecurities to her endless collection of Dior footwear. Everything that she was, he adored. But he would watch her laugh at Nate's jokes. And he would watch her wrap her arms around his neck to dance. And he would…he would have to watch them leave together, his mind torturing itself with the possibility of what was going to happen next.

He would need to get very, very drunk.

He felt his phone vibrate, and he opened it to see exactly what he had been waiting for.

Good morning Upper East Siders, and what a beautiful day it is for a lot of dancing and a lot more drama. It seems that all has been returned to normal; B will be escorted by N tonight, S will be escorted by C. In fact, one of you loyal subjects was able to catch this lovely picture of Nate leaving the Waldorf penthouse really late…or really early? Has our queen surrendered her castle at last, or is there something we are all missing? Either way, the truth will be revealed. Xoxo.

Chuck felt his stomach lurch at the thought of Nate touching Blair, and he couldn't help himself. He exited out of the blast, clicked on Blair's contact, and called her.

Blair turned her phone on silent and shoved it into the pocket of her favorite J. Crew pea coat. The more she thought about it, the less she wanted to talk to him about it.

She was the queen. She didn't need him, and nobody would ever have to know about what had happened between them. Even if he had been lying, even if he really did want to be with her, she had a bad taste in her mouth over the whole situation. She couldn't allow herself to be hurt again, to fall deeper into the world of Chuck Bass, a place where she surely would never come out on top. She'd tasted heartbreak before and she never wanted to feel that again.

All of the reasons she'd given people about why she wanted Chuck to escort her rang out in her ears. He had connections that she needed for the future. He was an intellectual equal to her. He was her best friend. She sulked. He was more of a best friend to her than Nate had ever been, and that was tricky for her to work around.

For all of his lack of perfection, Nate was an option. He promised the same security she'd had for years. Security, charm, and beautiful dark blue eyes. She used to love staring into those blue eyes moments before he kissed her. She relaxed a little at the thought of it. Of staring into beautiful eyes before being kissed on her neck, on her jawline, and finally on her lips. Except when she pictured those beautiful eyes, she pictured them brown and accompanied by a devious smirk.

She frowned. What was supposed to be the most exciting day of her adolescent life was turning out to be the most trying. Serena never had these things happen.

Dorota had been quiet throughout their walk, sensing that Blair was uncomfortable in her skin the morning of Cotillion. Trying to talk to Blair when she didn't feel like talking was like stabbing someone and telling them not to bleed. It wouldn't work, no matter how hard you tried, it just resulted in a mess. So silently, they walked, and she didn't question. Not once. She waited, patiently, for the seal to break.

Blair, finally, sighed, "I will never trust men. I'm going to be asexual for the rest of my miserable life."

"Miss Blair, so dramatic," Dorota said, smiling slightly, "What happen with Mister Chuck?"

Blair straightened her posture, "Maybe I was referring to Nate?"

"Maybe you were not."

Blair, once again, sighed, "I wanted something I shouldn't have, and I didn't fully realize how much I wanted it until it was rejecting me in front of my best friend."

Dorota nodded in consideration, "How he reject you?"

"He practically admitted to tricking me into dating Nate again," Blair said, crossing her arms over her chest. Her face was suddenly very warm despite the cool December breeze, "And there were…events…that had led me to believe that was the last thing either of us wanted."

Dorota, surprisingly, did not scold. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly, though she did not pry. She simply continued to explore the feelings Blair was struggling to express, "Miss Blair, these events…they important to you, yes?"

Blair felt her mouth going dry as her eyes began to water, "Yes, I suppose you could say that."

"But, not to Mister Chuck?"

"I thought they were! I thought he felt what I felt. He said such pretty words – freaking Chuck Bass, saying pretty words – that should paint the whole damn picture," Blair said, stopping her voice from cracking by taking a second to collect herself, "Nate told me he thought that Chuck and Serena were up to something but I didn't want to believe it." I love him.

"Mister Nate know about events?" Dorota inquired.

"Absolutely not, Dorota, I may be upset but I'm not suicidal," Blair spat, adding a scoff for good measure, "And neither is Chuck. At least not yet." I'll ruin him.

A strange expression made its way across Dorota's face. Blair watched as it grew from uncertainty to disbelief, and she herself began to question what she'd been thinking. Could she manage to ruin Chuck? Could she bring herself to do it? After all, he had enough on her to drag her down in the process, and that wasn't a scenario she wanted to be in. Just her and Chuck, at the bottom of the social totem pole together.

Together. There was something about that word that stabbed at the back of her eyes.

"I confused," Dorota said at last, "Why Mister Chuck would...would do these things and also help Miss Serena and Mister Nate. It not make sense, Miss Blair."

Blair rolled her teary eyes, "Of course it does. I was just a piece of ass, a virgin, you know he specializes in those." I didn't put up much of a fight.

Dorota shook her head, "You and Mister Nate are best friends to Mister Chuck. Why would he try to lose both? If Mister Nate find out about events, they no longer be best friends, and he lose you, too. Why do that, Miss Blair?"

She was asking, though Blair could sense that she already knew the answer. She didn't want to believe that Chuck Bass was who she wanted him to be because she was terrified.

But of what?

Of being hurt by Chuck like she'd been hurt by Nate?

Chuck was completely different. He was thoughtful and attentive, while also challenging her and getting under her skin. In every sense of the phrase. It was exhilarating to join him in schemes and to indulge herself on his kisses in the shadows. Even just laying on her bed, watching old films with him by her side was lovely. She had come to realize that there was never an actual situation that was not better with Chuck, and that realization hit her harder than a taxi on 59th. She swallowed, holding her head high to hide the fact that she'd had to catch herself from crying over Chuck Bass. St. Jude's bad boy and womanizer. She tried to convince herself, then, that what she felt was not heartbreak but simple disappointment, and

"Maybe, maybe I was slightly dramatic. But no matter. I will not let thoughts of that Basstard ruin Cotillion for me. I'll enjoy myself tonight."

"Maybe you should answer Mister Chuck," Dorota said, shrugging slightly.

Blair scoffed, "Whose side on your on, Dorota? I just told you; I'm going to enjoy myself tonight. Now, not another word about it or I will ship you back to Poland."

Blair was relieved that they had gotten back to the Waldorf penthouse without further discussion of Chuck. She was already upset enough as it was, she didn't want to keep confusing herself with hypotheticals that would only get her hopes up, even if she agreed that, rationally, it didn't make sense for Chuck to do those things.

She removed her coat and tossed it at her maid, who fumbled slightly before delicately placing it in the coat closet. Blair felt her entire body go cold as a voice began to speak from one of the couches.

"Blair," Chuck said, standing as she entered.

Her brown eyes widened, though he couldn't tell if the movement was made out of anger or just plain surprise, "What are you doing here, Chuck?"

"You wouldn't answer my calls. I needed to talk to you," he said, his words rolling off his tongue more slowly than usual.

"I had to get new shoes. I decided against the Dior's," she said. He smiled to himself, noting how well he knew her. She crossed her arms over her chest, "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe. And, depending on how this conversation goes, I will continue to be drunk all night," he said, smirking slightly as he pulled out a flask.

She scoffed, "You're disgusting. Please remove yourself; I have a lot to do to prepare for tonight and none of it involves listening to you try to explain why you had to make a complete idiot out of me."

"Blair, I didn't mean it. You know that. You know how I feel," he inhaled sharply, taking a step toward her. His dark eyes suddenly seemed to envelope her entire being with one look and she felt frozen where she stood. He swallowed as he glanced up and down her thin body, noting how beautiful she was despite her lack of makeup and natural hair, "You know that I can never stop thinking about you. You've always been enough for me. You're powerful, and intelligent, and manipulative, and beautiful and…"

She stopped breathing as he closed the space between them and raised a hand to trace the line of one of her collarbones. She blinked, "And what, Chuck?"

"And, I love you."

She felt something inside of her snap then, and all of the embarrassment she had felt the night before returned full force. The look on Serena's face. The look in Nate's eyes. The sound of Chuck whispering beautiful obscenities in her ear as she came crashing around him, the possibility that that had meant nothing to him. Her pride dug in its heels and she furrowed her brows, "Well, I can't love someone who I don't trust."

His brows shot up, and he took a step back at her cruel words, "And, Nate fucking your best friend behind your back…that's an example of a trustworthy guy who deserves your love? Is that it?"

She felt heat rise to her cheeks, "Shut up. It's over, Chuck. You lost your chance."

"No, you surrendered yours, Waldorf. You were just waiting for me to lose my footing so that you could give up. You're afraid."

Blair rolled her eyes, "Why would I be afraid?"

"Because you love me too," he said with unparalleled certainty.

"No, I don't."

He nodded, "Yes, you do. Nate doesn't make you feel alive. That's why you couldn't answer me that day in the bathtub when I asked you to tell me to stop."

"There is a difference between love and lust," she said fiercely, "Although, I'm sure you often confuse them because you're incapable of the former."

"You try to act like you're this powerful, fearless bitch but in reality, you're just a scared little girl. You never loved Nate, that's obvious. You want to believe that you did because you don't want to believe that you wasted your time on someone so undeserving of it. But you did, princess, and running away from that fact is getting you nowhere."

"Oh, don't act like you know how I feel, Chuck," Blair said, her voice raising to a dangerous level as she stepped away from him. He felt his nostrils flare at the sound of her saying his name so bitterly. She had screamed it at one point, so her ability to make it sound so sweet in one context and so disgusting in another disturbed him, "You've never had real feelings for someone in your life! You don't love me."

His dark eyes narrowed, and Blair felt the weight of the world fall down upon her as he took a step toward her. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and pursed his lips, as if he couldn't even form the words to say to her. But he did, and she hated herself, "You're right. I get what I want and then I'm done. And you know what, Blair? I'm done."

And with that, he left the room, leaving her completely destroyed.