A short one shot for Alois birthday, thanks to my friend Léa for proofreading and translation ! In case its not clear, Alois is normally living with Ciel, here he comes back to his teenage/childhood bedroom.
Just as he placed his suitcase next to his bed, he caressed the purple sheets like it was his first time entering this very room, which was exactly the feeling he got. It's that day, the day still reminiscent of Halloween, celebrated by everyone, people we may or may not know, that day which, for a long time, didn't actually belong to him.
The feeling of coming back wasn't even here to welcome him. He hadn't step foot in this room for quite a while so standing there felt kind of weird. As if everything was made out of papier mâché and could fall apart in just one touch. It did look like a dollhouse. Lilac, clean, quiet. Complete opposite of the state he left it in when he moved in with his boyfriend.
"Am I okay or am I empty?"
His phone vibrates. Again and again. Flow of notifications.
He should be happy. Everything was so chaotic just a moment ago.
He's tired. His heels are burning. He's hungry.
Claude just changed the flowers, he thought, sitting on his bed, facing the bluebell wood bouquet on the nightstand. At the edge of his consciousness are vague memories floating like they were on the surface of a lake, passing uncluttered and simultaneously.
He is 16, his friends from boarding school surprise him after the dance. 30 minutes prior, he was crying. No idea why.
He is 20, he takes a selfie with Ciel and Luka. He loves them. So much.
He is 14, he scratches the icing on the pink cake, pouting. Claude tells him something he can't bring himself to remember and puts strawberries on the table.
The years before that stay where they are, sunken. And it's better this way.
"What were they thinking? What… What was I thinking?"
He laid on his back, staring at the room's lilac sky. He could still remember those four walls when they were still white and when Claude told him he could do whatever he wanted with them back when they were moving in. His brother, and soon enough all of his new friends, all told him "Oh, that's so you! That's totally you!". The young man wasn't sure what they meant. They probably meant it as a compliment but who can say. Alois despised having to guess other people's thoughts but not knowing was even worse.
His phone vibrates. And it vibrates again. And again.
He threw it across the bed. Violently.
Shut up. Where are you all coming from anyway?
Why were people thinking of him? Why now? But no, no, he should be happy. He should be, he should.
Straightening himself up on his elbows, he took one flower from the vase and passed his fingers over its wet stem before slowly tapering it at the end and ending up tearing each petal like paper.
So we have nothing, and then, one day, everything and we're supposed to… keep going? His bedroom had kept the solitude that he had endured for years on end and was now the only witness.
Alois thought of talking to Claude in private but gave up just as quickly. The man wasn't a warm shoulder to lean onto, and the boy learned his lesson the hard way, still forgetting parts of it when at his. At the end of the day, the fact was that he never showed him much affection. And when he tried to open up about it, the man simply told him that he was thinking too much, and that it was useless to do so.
That he didn't understand him.
Too bad, their farewells had been bitter anyway. Long story. Everything's a long story with him. But his bedroom was so pretty, so well-kept. It must be proof of something, something he probably would have gone over his head if he wasn't so used to crumbs of love.
Ciel could suddenly be seen in the doorway, dragging two large suitcases behind him.
"Did you actually have this much stuff when you left or did you have fun shopping non-stop?"
He was immediately hit by the silence that served as an answer. A pair of eyes turned to him with great effort. Ciel came to sit by his side. Alois let himself slid closer to him before delicately resting his head on his lover's lap.
"What's wrong ?"
He could feel the sob getting stuck in his throat.
"Nothing, I just missed you…" And he really did miss him.
Ciel kept quiet. Placed a strand of hair behind his ear. The blond one seemed both underwhelmed and overwhelmed. Which he was used to, but he hadn't seen it for himself for a while. He knew that there was obviously so much more to it, but he preferred not to insist. After a few minutes of silence, he tried anyway.
"Oh. Claude replaced the flowers."
Tears started falling and Alois smiled at how ridiculous it all was.
"It's stupid… it's all so stupid…"
He should be happy. And he is, even if just a little, but that's not all. In his dollhouse, where the only lullaby comes from the inside, his dollhouse full of cracks. Old. Scarred. Full of broken bones. Cobwebs.
In the arms of the man he went through hell with, ever since they were little boys, friends.
Everything is so sweet. He's hesitant to get a taste of it.
Everything is so far away.
I hope you liked it, please feel free to comment and send love to our favorite blond boy !