Funerals suck.

Funerals especially suck when they're for someone who didn't make it to their 31st birthday because they gave their life serving their country.

And the thought of standing up in front of a bunch of people that she had essentially tried to erase from her memories, while giving a eulogy about her brother whom she was still half expecting to log onto Skype at any moment, was making Arizona want to vomit.

Did she mention that funerals suck?

Added to that, it was of course a military funeral. Which meant lots of extra personnel that she didn't know, a guard of honour, and the American flag draped over the coffin.

She sat stoically by her mother in the front row as the procession began. Her mother was already in tears, her vague attempts to wipe her eyes with a tissue were already unsuccessful. Fighting back the lump in her throat, Arizona was determined to remain composed, preferably until she was somewhere with a little more privacy, and definitely until she was done speaking.

Her father was a pallbearer along with five fellow Rangers from Tim's unit. His expression was, she imagined, quite similar to her own. After all, he had raised her that way. Eyes straight ahead, giving away nothing. Not a flicker of emotion visible to anyone. Well, almost anyone. As she watched the men carry her brother's coffin on their shoulders, her eyes met Callie's. The one person who had always been able to stare straight into her soul. The brunette gave her a supportive smile, but she just looked away. She couldn't acknowledge it, not now. One crack and she was sure the whole façade would come tumbling down.

The coffin was placed at the front of the chapel, draped in an American flag, which Arizona made the focus of her attention. She picked a star at random and kept her eyes on it the whole time that the Minister was speaking.

She was so focused on the flag that she didn't even notice her name being called, and her father had to tap her gently on the arm. She took a deep breath and stood, making her way to the podium with her notes clutched in her hand.

She looked at the large crowd once, and immediately felt the panic set in. Her eyes scanned the room, and she found Mark, who gave her a wink. Two seats away from him was Callie, whom she locked eyes with once more. "It's ok" the brunette mouthed, and finally Arizona felt an air of calm wash over her. She cleared her throat before beginning to speak.

"So umm…hi. For those of you that don't know me, and can't immediately tell from the dimples, I'm Tim's little sister, Arizona"

That earned her a small wave of laughter from the men at the back of the room who had clearly spent several tours of duty teasing Tim about his dimples.

"Let me start by saying, we shouldn't be here today" she bit her lip before continuing "We shouldn't be here today because no parent should have to bury their child. But Mom, Dad" she nodded at them in acknowledgement "I know that Tim always knew just how proud of him you were. How proud we all were. For Tim, serving his country wasn't even a decision he had to make, it was something he was born to do. Those of you that knew Tim as a kid, and there are lots of you here, know that he was always someone who stood up for other people. He had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Like our father always said, a good man in a storm. King of the practical jokes, and always up to something, but he was always the person that you could rely on. And as he got older, he wanted to protect the thing that he held dearest, that we all hold dearest. Freedom"

She let the word hand in the air for a moment, glancing down at her notes before deciding to do what she knew deep down Tim would have wanted her to. To speak from the heart.

"Tim believed in freedom on so many levels. He believed that all people should be free. He fought for that. He…" she faltered "he died for that. But he also believed that people should be free to be who they truly are. To love who they love"

Her eyes met Callie's again and she knew she was entering dangerous territory. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear Tim, her biggest supporter, willing her on.

"I'm a lesbian"

There was some uncomfortable shifting in seats in some parts of the chapel and a few disapproving mutters, but she continued nonplussed.

"I'm a lesbian, and I told Tim that the first time that he came back from Iraq. At the time, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was still in force, and well, military men weren't known for their acceptance of gay people. But Tim…Tim only had one question for me. He asked if that meant I was going to marry a chick. Leaving aside the small technicalities about gay marriage not being legal at the time here in Washington, I said yes. And you know what he said? He said "I'm gonna dance so hard at your wedding". At that point, I did have to remind him that he had in fact officiated my first wedding, when he was 10 years old and I married our friend Nick in our backyard in Ohio" that earned another round of chuckles "but now…obviously we never got to share that dance. So when that day comes, Tim, I promise I'll be dancing for you. And you know, I'm sure Mark will be happy to do the funky chicken on your behalf"

She looked up and smiled at Mark, who nodded back at her in approval.

"But seriously. Tim…Tim always used to tease me about how much older than me he was, and how I could never catch him. And I spent years trying to work out some kind of scientific way that I could. Now…five hundred and ninety five days and I've caught you buddy" she blinked back the tears "and so…from your little sister who has always worshipped the ground you walked on…everything we ever talked about, I'm gonna do it for the both of us. Thank you"

She stepped down from the podium to a round of applause, and could no longer prevent the tears from falling. Her mother was falling to pieces, and she even swore that she saw a flicker of emotion on her father's face.

The rest of the ceremony was a bit of a blur, until the Last Post was played and she watched as her father was handed the folded flag, signalling that it was time for them to lead the procession out of the chapel.

She followed her parents down the aisle, eyes straight ahead again. As she passed the row that she knew Callie was on, she could sense those eyes on her but couldn't bring herself to turn her head. It was enough that she'd let her emotions get the better of her on the podium, she just needed to get through this moment and then at least she'd be at the wake where she had the option to run away. Or better still, get her hands on some hard liquor.