The silence was agonising. It probably lasted seconds, but to Carla time seemed to stand still as she waited for Peter's reaction, her stomach doing somersaults as she watched him absorb her news; their news. He looked stunned and she couldn't read whether it was with joy or despair, maybe he didn't know himself.
"Well? Say something, please?"
Finally, he gave her his answer, not speaking but pulling her in to a tight embrace and gently kissing her forehead; when he drew away she could see he was smiling broadly, those big brown eyes shone back at her and she felt such a surge of relief.
"You're not angry then?"
"Why ever would I be angry? I think it's great news love! Don't you? Hang on, you said you think you are, so you don't know for sure?"
She shook her head, bemused at his excitement, she had hoped he would be pleased but this was confounding her expectations.
"Well I haven't actually done a test yet, but the signs are all there so…"
"Have you got a test? I'll go and buy one now," he interrupted her, practically jumping from the sofa and Carla suddenly panicked that she might have misread the signals and set him up for disappointment.
"It's late Peter, we can get one tomorrow. It won't change the result will it?" She knew as she said it that he wouldn't be able to wait that long, so wasn't surprised when he insisted and headed out to the twenty-four-hour garage, promising to be back in record time. Alone with her thoughts she wondered how she'd feel if the test was negative. It had been only a day or so since she joined the dots of what her body was telling her; she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed sooner as it now seemed so obvious, after all she had been here before. Even though she was anxious about what a positive test would mean she knew she would be devastated if she wasn't pregnant; ever since she had first contemplated being a mother all those years ago, and suffered the heartbreak of the miscarriage, she had felt that part of her was missing, like a future she had planned out was stolen away. This felt like a second chance. But Peter was right to want to make sure, so all she could do right now was wait for his return.
There was a queue at the garage and Peter was growing more impatient by the minute as he watched the middle-aged man in front of him slowly count out his change and make small talk with the shop assistant. He tried and failed to stop his foot from tapping, he couldn't remember the last time he felt this nervous. He had had a slight panic when he had walked into the shop and was unable to find what he was after; he knew there was no chance of him sleeping that night until he knew the answer. Fortunately, a young lad stocking the shelves nearby directed him to the right aisle so he had quickly grabbed both the test kits on display, just to be sure. He knew it was unwise to get excited until it was all confirmed, and that even then, nothing was guaranteed. He'd learned that the hard way over the years and still felt the losses keenly when he thought of what might have been; but keeping his emotions in check right now was easier said than done. If he was honest he had been feeling broody for a while, and watching Carla interacting with baby Bertie over the past few months had only intensified this desire. Not that he had mentioned it to her, well aside from the occasional gentle teasing over her mothering tendencies of course; after all he was acutely aware that the last thing she needed during her long road to recovery was any added pressures or expectation. But now it could actually be happening, he might be getting the chance to be a dad again, to right some of the wrongs he had made the first time around with Simon. He finally reached the front of the queue, ignoring the raised eyebrow from the cashier as he practically threw the money into her hands before rushing out, desperate to get back to Carla and to find out if their lives were about to change forever.
Peter was pacing as Carla emerged from the bathroom; with two minutes more to wait before they would know for sure she could tell that he didn't know where to put himself. She felt surprisingly calm. She remembered the last time she had taken a test, Michelle had tried to be the voice of reason back then but she had felt as if her whole world had come crashing down when she saw those two lines. This time was different; Peter was here, they would deal with either outcome together. The alarm on her phone made them both jump, and they looked at each other for the briefest moment, sharing the same anticipation, before Carla went to retrieve the test from where she had left it on the bathroom sink. She turned to see Peter now standing in the doorway and nodded as she passed it to him.
"I guess I was right."
Before she knew what was happening she felt herself being lifted off her feet as Peter spun her round jubilantly, peppering her with kisses, obviously over the moon. She hugged him closely, wanting to enjoy this moment, but the tears now falling freely caught her by surprise. They were happy tears, weren't they? Suddenly she wasn't sure. She wondered if it was naive to think that her being pregnant could have a fairy-tale ending, that everything else could be swept under the carpet and they could go ahead and play happy families. The real world was far more complicated than that and surely it was foolish to think otherwise. What if all they were doing was adding another innocent person to the chaos of their lives; if they even made it that far? Peter had noticed her change of mood and now cupped her chin in his hands, using his thumb to wipe her cheeks, watching her intently. She gave him the most convincing smile she could muster before wrapping her arms tightly back around him, trying to push those thoughts away, at least for tonight. She didn't want to spoil this moment for him, he deserved some happiness after all he had done for her over the past twelve months. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.