Warnings: discussions of past trauma, graverobbing, extended scene from the perspective of a character experiencing dissociation and panic, discussions of canon crimes and atrocities

Kakashi isn't going to pretend he's not absolutely fascinated by the whole situation.

Kanna has tails. Physical, furry tails. Kakashi's seen Kushina's Jinchuuriki tails before, and those were chakra constructs, bubbling and translucent and terror-inducing.

Kanna's tails are… legitimately just tails. Warm, but not burning. Covered in fur. Seemingly attached to her spine, according to Sakura, with some questionably feasible muscle and bone structures that nonetheless seem to function. She can twitch them about, and there's no back pain, but her balance is basically shot right now. She has sensation in them, and Sakura keeps trying to figure out how the nerve endings are happening.

Sometimes, when one of the kids says something, the fox ears swivel to face them before Kanna turns.

It's completely wild. Kakashi says as much.

"Nah," Sakura says. "Kurama's wild, half-tamed."

Fair.

"You're feral," she says, pointing at Kakashi.

Wait, what?

"And Kanna-chan is a rescue," Sakura finishes, nodding sharply and smirking like this is all uncontestably true.

"Seriously?" Kanna demands, looking up and over. "Really, babe?"

Sakura smiles brightly. "In the context of the rest?"

"Kurama's the rescue!" Kanna protests. "I'm—I don't know, a show dog?"

Kakashi tries to smother a laugh in his hand.

"I'll admit you rescued yourself, so to speak, even though I wish there's been someone to rescue you. I love you so much, and I'm never going to put you in a position where you need to rescue yourself if I can help it, because I'm always going to head straight to be the hero you need, when you need me," Sakura comforts, "However…"

"Babe."

"You are still, in this convoluted and incredibly silly metaphor, a rescue."

Kanna pouts.

The door is, at that moment, kicked open. "What's up, motherfuckers!"

"Swear jar," Sakura and Kanna immediately say.

Anko sticks out her tongue as she enters the room, a handful of files in her arms. "You're both incredibly boring, you know that?"

"The kids aren't even here," Kakashi points out. He thinks it's a reasonable thing to consider.

"Yeah, but Anko always announces herself like that," Kanna grumbles. "The kids already have enough bad habits from me, okay, I don't need them learning more."

"Boring," Anko accuses.

Sakura brightens. "Hey Anko-chan, if Kakashi's feral, is Kanna a rescue?"

"Yes," Anko says, so quickly that Kakashi is half-convinced it was planned.

Kanna snarls at her, and then turns to Kakashi. "And you?"

"I have no opinion," Kakashi lies. "Or rather, my opinion is that I think calling me feral is actually kind of funny since I've said it myself before, but also you and your wife both scare me and I don't want to touch that conversation with a ten foot pole."

"Smart," Anko says. "But kind of a coward's way out. You're S-rank yourself, dummy."

"I'm high A-rank, maybe," Kakashi protests.

"Bitch, please," Anko dismisses.

Kakashi points at Kanna, but keeps staring at Anko. "You know what she is, right?"

"A rescue," Anko asserts, and dodges the fork that Kanna throws at her, laughing. "Alright, alright, wariness of a trained, adult Jinchuuriki with that level of grump is healthy, but still. Coward."

"Sensible," Kakashi retorts.

"Bitch, you've never been sensible in your li—wait, no, that's the line for Genma," Anko says, and hesitates. "You were a rule-thumper as a kid. Shit. You haven't been sensible since…"

"Let's not go down that road," Kakashi suggests.

"Yeah, fair," Anko allows, giving up with a surprising amount of grace.

"Children," Sakura coos. "You're being annoying."

"You're the same age as me," Kakashi says, bemused.

"Nope! I'm older. Only by a few months, but I am," Sakura tells him, smile bright.

"You still called me senpai."

"I am going to grind your bones to make my bread," Sakura tells him.

She's… still wearing the smile.

Anko giggles and makes a whipping noise. "No more backbone, Hatake?"

Kakashi blinks at her. "What."

"You know, whipped? Come on, I know you're not that repressed."

Kakashi stares at her. "I'm… what? How does that in any way apply here?"

"He fucked a foreign head of state for a bet," Kanna says, lifting her head from the paperwork she's been perusing, like a real adult instead of the parody of one they all are. "How the hell is that repressed?"

"You didn't know him a few years ago," Anko says. "It was bad."

"Anko, I'm a friend and a babysitter, not—" he struggles for a few moments. "It's not like that."

Anko looks at him, and her expression quite clearly states 'yeah, right, like I'm buying that.'

"Anyway," he says, "They don't do emotionally stunted geniuses anymore, and I've been told I fit that description."

"I dunno, you've been doing therapy pretty consistently," Kanna comments idly.

Anko snickers, because of course she does.

"It's okay, Kakashi-kun," Sakura says, patting him on the shoulder. "You can be as emotionally stunted as you want."

"Pretty sure that's the opposite of what any of us want," Kanna says. She doesn't look up from her papers.

"True," Sakura sighs. "Poor little Kakashi-kun."

"I don't like where this is going," Kakashi says. "Can I opt out? I want to opt out. Where's Jiraiya-sama, I need an adult."

"You are an adult," Kanna sneers.

"No, like, a real adult," Kakashi insists.

"Since when is Jiraiya a real adult?" Sakura mutters.

"Legally? Since age six," Kanna says, absentminded. She huffs a breath and shuffles her papers. "What the hell is Daichi doing to these samples? These numbers don't track."

"I think he skipped the fume hoods again," Anko offers.

"I'm going to kill him."

"How have you not fired him?" Kakashi asks. "I'm genuinely curious, you've been complaining about this for over a year now. You've gotten everyone else that pulls this kicked out, how—"

"He's related to the Daimyou," Kanna cuts him off.

"Ah."

"So, politics," she continues.

"Yeah, no, I got that," Kakashi says. "How… closely?"

"Second cousin once removed. He wanted to be a ninja and his mom was indulgent as hell, and now I'm stuck dealing with him," Kanna hisses. "I have tried to get rid of him, but the financial impact would be a mess. I can't even be blunt and say it's for his own good, even though that bitch is going to get lung cancer at this point, because that'll be seen as an insult too."

"Yikes," Kakashi says, because there's not much else he can say. He goes to pat Kanna's shoulder, and then changes his mind and pets her funky, furry ears instead.

"You're a dick," she says, but it trails off into a pleased sigh. "Why the hell does that feel so good?"

"I've had dogs since before I could walk," Kakashi tells her. "So, practice."

She glares at him, but ends up cutting herself off with a yawn.

"Ooh, teeth!" Anko crows. "Lemme see 'em!"

"No," Kanna snaps, jerking away. She ends up baring her teeth in a snarl anyway, which is like. Counterproductive if she actually doesn't want Anko seeing them.

"Oooooh, you should've let me see these earlier," Anko says, eyes wide. She's leaning in far too close, except Kanna seems irritatedly, fondly resigned. Kakashi thinks Anko's about half an impulse away from sticking her thumbs in Kanna's mouth just to pull her cheeks wide for a better look. "I am jealous. Very jealous. I want these."

"Hell no."

"But teeth," Anko croons. "They're sharp and pointy and scary. I want that."

"So visit a dentist," Kanna snarks.

"But I want those teeth."

"Ew," Kakashi says, since it seems like none of the girls are going to do it. "That's gross."

"You're gross," Anko says.

"Yeah, and?" Kakashi asks.

She mugs at him. He smiles as intensely as one eye can convey, and wiggles a wave at her.

"You're both idiots," Kanna tells them.

Kakashi can't help it. Really.

"We're not the ones that turned ourselves into fox hybrids."

"Okay, first of all, go fuck yourself—"

#

"You're kidding me."

Kakashi blinks.

He shakes his head.

He waits.

"You—oh my god, Hatake," Asuma groans. "Kurenai, back me up here."

"Uh, no," Kurenai says. "I'm not getting involved in this mess."

"But—"

"Nope."

Asuma pouts, inasmuch as a man of his age and facial hair can pout, and turns back to Kakashi. "Okay, we're gonna go over this one more time. You."

"Me."

"Don't want to try to wiggle your way into bed with one of the Uzumakis."

"Correct."

"Because you don't want to be a homewrecker."

"It's one of my biggest lines," Kakashi says.

Asuma buries his face in his hands and lets out a small, strangled scream. Kurenai pats him on the back, but mostly just watches the rest of the bar as she chews on the straw of her drink. Genin teammates with Asuma or not, she's not getting involved in this.

"Kakashi. Kakashi, I can't—Kakashi," Asuma says, grabbing Kakashi's face in between large, warm, calloused hands. "I can't with you."

"Please let go of my face."

Asuma drops back into his seat and turns to look at Anko, even as he gestures extensively and aggressively at Kakashi.

"I told you," Anko says.

"Kakashi, everyone thinks you're already sleeping with them," Raidō says.

"I'm… not," Kakashi says. "Because they're married. And I'm not—"

"A homewrecker, yes, we heard," Genma says. He seems far, far too amused by this.

"Kakashi, they're—they're openly polyamorous," Asuma says, as if Kakashi's somehow missed this. "They've repeatedly mentioned being in a triad before. It's a whole thing, we're still taking bets on who it was because they won't give a name, and you're worried about being a homewrecker."

"It's a valid worry," Kakashi protests. "Especially since neither of them has even expressed interest."

Genma chokes on his drink from how hard he laughs.

"Sage save me," Asuma mutters, his eyes on the wall behind Kakashi. "This man can't be real."

"Have you ever directly flirted with them?" Raidō asks, because he's the only real friend Kakashi has in this situation, except Kurenai. Gai would probably also be on his side, but Gai is out of town and it's a gosh darn shame.

"Uh, no," Kakashi says. He doesn't repeat the line he's been saying for going on ten minutes now, because Asuma looks ready to strangle him.

"So maybe they haven't flirted back because they think you're not interested," Raidō points out.

"They really only have eyes for each other," Kakashi says. "Seriously, you'd think they'd have gone out and found a unicorn at some point, or—well, no, they're not a diff-sex couple, so a third wouldn't be a unicorn, but—"

"Kakashi, shut up," Kurenai says.

He does.

She didn't even look at him, but he does.

"You're half-raising their kids," Anko says. "And you're not even getting any?"

Kakashi gives her a look of mild disgust. "That's not the only thing people can get out relationships, Anko. They're good friends, okay?"

"That's not—" Anko cuts herself off with a stifled shriek. "Asuma, help me out."

"I tried," he moans. "But it's Kakashi."

Raidō takes pity. "Okay, is there any reason you think they wouldn't be open to it?"

Kakashi blinks at him. "The last time they were in a triad, their third died."

Oh. There's all those dropping expression.

"And there you have it," Kurenai mutters.

"If they wanted someone to join them," Kakashi explains patiently, "They'd have done the whole—third partner for a night thing. Or brought up dating outside each other, maybe. But they haven't, so I'm, like… if one of them ever flirted with me, maybe? But as long as it's in the plausible deniability stage, I'm not going to… to step on their grief or whatever."

"Aa," Raidō says. "Makes sense."

Genma shoots the man a look. "You knew."

Raidō shrugs. "I guessed."

"It's a bit of both," Kakashi tries to make it make sense to, well, people who aren't already inside his head. "At first it was the homewrecker thing, and then the grief thing, and now… it's both. The homewrecker thing puts the onus on me, okay? So I don't have to go spreading their situation around."

The air is just. Super uncomfortable now, isn't it.

"I… still think you're being too cautious," Asuma finally says. "Have you asked them if they've considered dating around again?"

"Seems like a bad idea," Kakashi says. "Like… if someone had asked me if I was looking to make new friends in the years following Obito's death, I would have punched them."

Asuma winces.

"You were also getting hit with a new trauma every six months," Anko points out, and Kakashi doesn't get a chance to attack her for it, because Kurenai reaches out and yanks on a lock of the other woman's hair.

"Behave," Kurenai says, and her tone brooks no argument.

"But he was!"

"Anko," Kurenai snaps, and it does the trick.

Nobody says anything for… a couple minutes. Kakashi doesn't keep track, just sips through his mask and hopes people stop trying to make jokes about this to his face now.

"Someone else could ask them," Raidō finally says.

Kakashi looks at him. "What?"

A shrug. "There are ways to frame the question without it being as aggressively insensitive, and it'll be less pressuring from someone who's not potentially invested in being the person getting dated, and since I'm as gay as they come…"

"Or we could just not pressure them," Kakashi suggests. "Because, again, I'm really uncomfortable with doing that. Seriously, they don't even say his name. If that's not a sign that the grieving process isn't over, then what is?"

They seem to respect that.

He hopes they respect that.

They… honestly, they better respect that, because if Kanna asks him who tried to fuck with her grieving process and if he asked them to, he's going to tell her the truth, and she's going to believe him because the woman is a living lie detector.

Kakashi knows his limits, thanks.

#

Sai could probably be a genin by now, if early graduation were ever allowed anymore. They're almost old enough, but Kakashi expects they're going to hang back with little Karin instead of graduating at twelve. Still, it means more time for Kakashi to spend tutoring the Uzumaki brats.

(He's under no illusions about the Sandaime possibly putting Karin or Sai on his eventual genin team. Everyone, everyone, knows that Kakashi's going to get Naruto and Sasuke.)

For all that Shikamaru was Naruto's friend first, he spends almost as much time playing board games with Sai. Sai, for their part, isn't a huge fan of shogi, but the two of them end up playing go as often as not. It's cute, except Sai ended up befriending more people, and one of those people is Yamanaka Ino.

And Ino is loud.

She is bossy.

She is, somewhat inexplicably, convinced that Karin is a devil she already owes her soul to.

"Do I want to know?" Kakashi asks, the first time Ino's weird 'I respect you but I kinda hate your guts but I guess you're not that bad' vibe catches his attention.

Karin actually looks uncomfortable for once, instead of weirdly smug. Kakashi has no idea how to feel about that. "Probably not?"

Kakashi looks past her to Sasuke, who just shakes his head with the wide eyes of a mildly panicked ten-year-old, and then past him to where Sai's other new friend, who is also from Naruto's class, is trying to explain to the little Yamanaka why wasps are actually an important element of the ecosystem.

For all his time as a shinobi, and for all his time babysitting, Kakashi still isn't sure he understands kids. Sai's friendships with people like Shikamaru and Neji and Shino suggest they like smart, calm people who are also a little off the beaten path, psychologically, and are willing to process things via strategy games or theoretical shinobi games.

And then there's Ino.

Who's… actually, Kakashi would say she's same brand of 'tiny and terrifying tween girl' as Karin.

Hm. Bad sign, that.

"Don't burn the house down," he finally tells Karin.

It's not his problem and he stands by that.

It's Kurama's.

#

The next time Kakashi sees Kanna, she's back to normal and accosting him in the middle of the street.

"Looking good," he offers, because he's nice like that.

"I've been informed by my wife that I'm legally obligated to tell you that I can do it on command now," Kanna tells him. "There's a goddamn toggle for it on my seal."

"…why?"

"Because she thinks it's cute? And because it offers some weird pros and cons to my chakra usage," Kanna says. She shakes her head and waves a hand dismissively. "Whatever. Moving on. You need to come with me."

"O…kay," Kakashi says, letting her grab his upper arm and drag him towards the center of town. "Where are we going, exactly?"

"Admin building, Hokage's office," Kanna supplies. "We've got an ETA and I'm done with the graverobbing, so all that's left now is the living human sacrifices."

"Literally none of that makes me feel better," Kakashi tells her. "None of it. What the hell?"

"Sandaime-sama told me to," Kanna argues.

It is not, in any way, a valid excuse for the shit she's saying.

"Is it graverobbing if you have permission?" Kakashi asks, because at this point it's the only question that could qualify as, like, reasonable without encroaching on what he's fairly certain is going to be an S-rank secret.

"Yes for the clanless grave, no for the clan grave, but we can't get permission for the clan one for legal reasons in the first place so, you know, graverobbing," Kanna says. "Still on the Sandaime's orders, so I can just blame him if anyone ever tries to go for my head about it."

"So you robbed two graves?"

"One was legally exhumed," Kanna sniffs. "The other one… was technically robbed. Not for much, though, I just needed a DNA sample."

"Okay, quick question, does Anko know about you channeling her creepy teacher?"

"Yes. No. Kind of," Kanna tugs at his arm and moves faster. "I'll explain at the debrief, let's go."

Kakashi lets himself get dragged along until they get to the Hokage's office. They're let in without any hesitation, and it's to find Jiraiya and Sakura.

"Sakura-chan, Jiraiya-sama," Kakashi greets. "Kanna said something about graverobbing?"

The Sandaime holds up a hand, and gestures for the ANBU to leave the room. Seconds later, the five of them are alone, and the room is sealed for the utmost privacy.

Hiruzen nods to Kanna, and in another three-quarters of a second, Kurama is standing there with the rest of them.

"There is an S-rank mission coming," the Sandaime says. "You will be meeting with, and treating with, Uchiha Itachi and the man who calls himself Madara."

Well, fuck.

"What we are about to discuss does not leave this room," he continues. "Kakashi, I'm afraid you're the only one that was not already aware of the coming information. Jiraiya was aware in his role as spymaster, and the Uzumaki knew prior to my ever meeting them."

Kanna's lips twist into a grimace, but she doesn't comment at all.

"I'm listening," Kakashi says.

The Sandaime nods, and then says, so very tiredly, "The Uchiha were planning a coup. Itachi's massacre of the clan was on orders."

What.

Wh—

"Oh," Kakashi says, when everyone keeps staring at him. "I guess that makes as much sense as the stress of ANBU breaking him."

No, actually, it doesn't.

It actually makes less sense.

"Why did a possible coup necessitate a massacre, again?" Kakashi asks, when it becomes clear that they're waiting on him to continue.

"It was Danzō's idea," Hiruzen admits. "We'd discussed it as a last resort, but he… jumped the jutsu, so to speak."

Hm. Ah.

Kakashi's not going to touch that.

"Okay, so we're going to talk to Itachi because he's actually scarily loyal to Konoha instead of a traitor," Kakashi says. "What about the fake Madara?"

Literally everyone cringes.

Kakashi doesn't know what to do with that.

"Okay," Sakura mutters. "Okay, okay, okay."

She's bouncing on her toes, psyching herself up, and Kakashi's anxiety ratchets up eighty notches.

"So, um," she dithers. "Er. How do I put this—"

Kurama cuts her off.

"Obito's not dead."

What.

What.

Kakashi feels his breath come short.

Shorter.

No, shorter than even that.

Heart pounding in his ears.

Range of vision narrowed, tunnel vision.

Must be lying doesn't smell like lying the Hokage isn't correcting him.

Kanna smacks Kurama upside the head.

"What, she was taking too long?" Kurama snaps at her.

"It's a delicate fucking subject, asshole!" she hisses back.

Obito's not dead.

Obito's not dead?

"What the fuck?" he croaks out.

He feels lightheaded.

He should not feel lightheaded.

He's a professional, has been since age five, he should not be lightheaded and—

Sakura pushes him down into a chair. She squeezes his hands.

It doesn't help him come back to himself, but it's nice that she's trying.

"How?" He asks, eventually.

"Because the actual Madara saved him from the incident at Kannabi bridge," Sakura tells him, and her voice is soft and gentle and delivering horrible, wonderful, terrifying news. "He was manipulated extensively by Madara and Zetsu, and he's… well, he's trying to follow through on their plans."

"He's the fake Madara."

"Yes."

"He… killed sensei?"

She winces. "Effectively, yes."

Kakashi whines, low and pained and it's that little noise from the back of his throat that he grew out of when he was six. It's… lupine, really.

His leg bounces anxiously.

He can't stop it.

He can't stop anything, just like he can't save anything, just like he's making a fool of himself in front of the Hokage and—

He fixes his eye on Sakura's forehead seal, and tries to breathe.

"Why."

"Because he needed the Kyuubi," Sakura says, still so very soft. "For the Infinite Tsukuyomi plan."

Kakashi has no idea what that is.

"That doesn't explain…"

Doesn't explain anything.

Because Obito was the best of them.

Obito, who tried so hard and was almost as bright as sunshine, Obito who would have given his life for Kakashi's, who tried to give his life for Kakashi, who did give his eye for Kakashi, Obito who never, ever would have hurt an innocent, even on orders, Obito who helped little old ladies with their bags and toddlers with kites in trees, Obito who was the best person in Konoha, once, Obito who—

"Kakashi," Sakura says, and Kakashi's vision narrows to her diamond seal again.

She sounds like she's been saying his name quite a bit, actually.

Cool, cool, cool, he's definitely having an episode.

"Walk me through it," he says. "Walk me through the—the why and the how. The process of him going…"

He trails off, sucks in a deep breath, and asks, "How do you even know."

"It's… complicated," Sakura says. "But Kanna confirmed it. We had a brush-in with him a few years ago. The chakra matches your eye."

He wants Jiraiya or the Hokage to call them out and accuse them of lying, but nobody is saying anything, and Kakashi's gaze flicks wildly over the room until it lands on Kurama.

Kurama just raises an eyebrow. "Yeah."

"What?" Kakashi asks, because his brain feels like electrified mush right now, thoughts racing to the middle of nowhere, millions of facts flying around and not a single piece of yarn to connect them.

"Yeah, his Mangekyo was the one that brainwashed me into attacking the village. The second time, I mean, the first was absolutely Madara," Kurama says.

Kakashi stares at him.

"That's…" Kurama trails off and rubs a hand down his face. "That's not why you were looking at me, was it."

Kakashi turns his head down to just stare at his hands, because at least his own hands are familiar and not trying to turn the world upside-down on him.

"You've got about a week to process," Jiraiya tells him, one overlarge, overwarm hand coming down to squeeze Kakashi's shoulder. "We all wanted to make sure you… had some time."

Obito's alive.

And evil, apparently?

And—and—

Kakashi looks up sharply, eye skirting desperately around the room for something. For someone to just tell him.

"Okay," Sakura says, dragging a chair around to sit in front of him. Her back is to the Hokage, and that's all kinds of rude, but Kakashi's brain barely processes that. She takes Kakashi's hands and squeezes reassuringly.

"Okay," she repeats. "We're going to go through this, bit by bit, so you understand what happened, and why it happened, and why we're telling you now, okay?"

Kakashi wonders if Sakura's medical training ever included talking to a Yamanaka, because she sounds exactly like those unlucky few who grew up with a Yamanaka friend glued to their hip and teaching them the right tones of voice for every situation. He'd have actually guessed that, because he's seen Shikaku and Chōza pull those voices, among the many others, but Sakura didn't come to Konoha until two years ago, so.

His mind is wandering.

"Okay," Kakashi says.

Sakura smiles encouragingly, and squeezes his hands, and says, "Great."

The story she tells is dry, distanced, devoid of personal connection for all that Kakashi knows she must have something tying her to it. She slips a few times, adds a flowery word or a turn of phrase, but the telling is practiced.

Madara did not die at the valley of the end.

Madara was manipulated by Zetsu, and the two of them saved Obito with mad science.

Obito was forced to watch Kakashi kill Rin—no, no, no—which everyone told him had been organized by Madara and Zetsu in the first place.

Obito had broken, and been shaped into a crazed, volatile, devoted follower of Madara's mad plan to save the world through mass mind control.

Which was actually Zetsu's plan to bring back his evil mom.

Then came the night of Naruto's birth.

(And oh, how that burned.)

Then came Akatsuki.

(And oh, how that clicked.)

Then came the Uchiha Massacre.

(And oh, how that hurt.)

And now…

Sakura rubs her thumbs over the backs of Kakashi's knuckles, still smiling like she understands.

Maybe she does. He still doesn't know enough about what came before.

"Why do you need me there?" Kakashi asks, latching on to the first thought that comes to mind.

"Because the fucker's Mangekyo makes him intangible," Kurama snips, from somewhere off to Kakashi's far left. "And since you have the other eye, you're the only person that might be able to fight him if the seals don't work."

Ah.

Makes sense.

"And," Sakura says, shooting a look at the bijuu. "Because for all that he's… gone round the bend, I suppose, Obito does still care for you."

"Somewhere very, very deep down, under layers and layers and layers of compacted trauma," Kanna snarks. "But we've got shovels and we're ready to dig."

"Guys, can you not?" Sakura asks them. "Sensitive issues!"

"The next part is all me anyway," Kanna argued. "So let me explain the plan."

The two of them look at each other, measuring and just on the edge of a glare, and then Sakura droops. She still rolls her eyes, but the drooping happens. "Fine."

Kakashi tries to focus on his heart as Kanna takes the chair in front of him. Kakashi's pulse is in his eardrums still, but it's slow and normal and very much not the pitter-patter of when they first said those terrifying, magic words.

Kanna does not take his hands.

"Okay, look," Kanna says. "Remember how, way back, you asked me if I could bring back the dead?"

"Oh no," Kakashi hears himself say, and his pulse picks right back up again.

"Oh yes," Kanna says, and there's a vicious satisfaction in her eyes. "And remember how I mentioned I was graverobbing this morning?"

Kakashi whimpers, and the Sandaime sighs. "You had written permission from your kage. It was entirely legal."

"Clan laws," Kanna dismisses. She turns to Kakashi. "Listen. We've got two and a half S-ranks and the truth on our side. We're setting the terrain. It's gonna be me, you, Sakura, two Uchiha nukenin, and two walking corpses."

"Jiraiya?" Kakashi asks, voice croaking on its way up his too-rough throat.

"He's old, but he's not a walking corpse yet," Kanna jokes, and then shakes her head. "Nah, we need him for emergency reverse-summoning if things go sour. Which, let me tell you, I've spent years on this plan. We can do it. It will work."

Kakashi scrambles.

He breathes.

"What do you need me to do?"

Kanna grins.

A/N: Gonna cut down the original comment so I'm not calling anyone out specifically but:

There's nothing quite the same shade of annoying as people commenting their opinions on canon instead of their opinions on the fic they're reading. This especially applies to shipping.