WARNINGS: canon-typical discussion of war traumas, implied (canon?) stalking
Kakashi's feet take him to the memorial stone.
He realizes what he's doing about halfway there, and then just doesn't… stop. He considers it, thinks about people he could ask for advice, but… he can't. Gai would be optimal, but he doesn't have the clearance. Neither does Kurenai. Tenzō and Anko were both a bit tipsy when they left the party, and Kakashi's not sure he'd be welcome tonight. Tomorrow, maybe, but not tonight. The rest of the list is similar, either people too close to the issue, people too far from the truth, or people he's just not in a place to bother at this hour.
So… memorial stone.
It's a chill night, and humid. It's not actually cold, but there's a slight breeze that ruffles his hair as he approaches the rock, eye turning unerringly to the names he's long since memorized the locations of.
He wonders if they're going to fill in Rin, and Obito. If it's going to be a Doton to press in stone like it was never there, or clay that dries in and bakes in the flames of a Katon. Maybe the names will be chiseled off, to be added again once they're truly dead again, or maybe just left as-is, since nobody lives forever.
Shisui's name isn't there. It never was. For all that he died for the village, it was a secret death, known as a senseless suicide, or murder at Itachi's hands. Those don't end up on the stone.
(Sakumo was the same.)
"Hello, Minato-sensei," Kakashi finally says. "Kushina-nee. I've gotten myself into a bit of a mess."
The stone doesn't answer. It never does. It never will.
He wonders if they're watching over him, or if they spend every moment of their afterlives watching Naruto.
Kakashi talks quietly enough that nobody will hear him over the wind, none but the dead. The mask muffles him, and nobody will read his lips. It's a solid way to vent publicly without sharing secrets, unless there's a Hyūga around.
"I seem to have fallen for someone that's digging up a whole lot of inner conflict," Kakashi says. It's probably the best way to put it, right? Maybe. He'll have to ask Inoichi, when the next session happens. "Well, two someones, but only one of them is really… I was her Jounin sensei. In a future that hasn't happened. She's a few months older than me, but she grew up seeing me as an authority figure. I didn't meet her until she already had kids. She was born the same year as your son. She's basically adopted him. It's…"
He tries to gather his thoughts. "I respect her. She's a good friend. If her secrets were unrelated to me, or covered less time, I'd… probably have an easier time of it. But she's known me for a decade longer than I've known her, and that… scares me. I think."
He wonders what Minato would say, if he were here.
He can't even start to guess.
The situation isn't exactly normal.
(It starts raining, just a light drizzle. He ignores it.)
(He vaguely remembers the forecast implying there'd be rain, but he wasn't exactly in sound mind when he left the Uzumaki house.)
"It's not just that she knows me," Kakashi tries to explain. Maybe if he explains it to the stone, he can explain it to himself. "It's that I don't know how much of the older me she sees in… well, me? I can differentiate Kanna and Karin, because I've had two years of seeing them as sisters, and I've never had more than a passing connection in mind with Haruno, because as far as I knew, the only connection was a possible relation implied by the hair but never confirmed, but they've both been seeing me as… a younger version of someone they already knew. And I don't know what future me did or said, or what I dynamic I had—would have had?—with her, and I know I don't want to replicate that dynamic, because I was her teacher, and…"
He trails off, eye fixed at a point above and beyond.
There's an umbrella coming up the path to the memorial stone.
He watches, hands in his pockets and already damp with the rain, and something in him loosens when he recognizes the figure in the long skirt.
"Kakashi-san?"
He raises a hand. "Yo."
Shizune blinks at him, and then takes long strides over to make sure he can benefit from the umbrella. "What are you doing out here at this time of night? I thought there was a party on?"
"There was," he says. "It ended. We were just… hanging out, I guess."
"And?"
Kakashi shrugs. He grimaces, though there's no way she can see. "I found out about Sakura's Jounin sensei."
"Ah," Shizune says. "I, uh, I know. Who it was, I mean. I can see why it might have been uncomfortable."
"Yeah," Kakashi says. "Um, I figured the dead wouldn't share, or at least, they'd already know, so on the off-chance someone plays the same trick twice…"
She nods. "I get it. I'm… well, I can't say I do the same thing often, but I've been trying since we came back last week."
Kakashi doesn't know what else to say, so he nods back.
They stand in silence for a few minutes, surrounded by the rustling of leaves and the sharp noise of water on taut plastic above them. It's soothing, in its own way, a little wall of sound and nylon to keep them safe from the world.
"Who?" Kakashi asks, eventually.
Shizune doesn't look at him. "My uncle Dan. I have friends that died in the Third War, same as any of us, but… my uncle was closest to me, and with Tsunade's stories, his memory is closest to my heart."
Kakashi knocks his shoulder into hers.
She lets the words linger for a bit, and then asks, "What about you? Given… recent developments, I mean."
His eyes dart to those same names. "Well, it used to be Obito, but that's not…"
"Yeah."
"And Rin's back, but I still come to talk to Minato and Kushina," Kakashi says. "They practically raised me, after my father's death. I didn't really acknowledge it, but I was a bit of a bastard back then."
Shizune giggles. "I remember. Not well, but bits and pieces."
He offers her a wan smile.
The rain-spatter silence comes back. It's comfortable.
The questions sit under his tongue like bubbles of air, thick and oddly shaped. He does not know how to ask them. He's not even sure if he wants to.
"I wonder, sometimes," Shizune says, and it's a sudden thing, "If people blame me at all, for not bringing Tsunade-sama home. If they blame me for not being enough to convince her. I don't think my uncle would have blamed me, but Konoha…"
"From what I hear, you kept her alive," Kakashi says. "I'd think that's more than anyone could have, should have, expected from you, with how young you were."
"Mm," Shizune hums the noise, low and contemplative. "I'd like to think that, but that doesn't change everyone else's opinions. I was fourteen when we left. That's more than old enough to have taken responsibility, in some people's opinions."
Right. They'd left two years before the Kyuubi attack.[1]
"Are you back for good?" He asks instead.
"I hope so," Shizune says. "If we can convince Tsunade-sama to take the hat, even better, but…"
It's a hard sell. Kakashi's only a few years out from being in line for the hat himself, and if he can push that a few years further in any way, it's a good thing. He hasn't even managed to hold a genin team, despite his ANBU track record, and…
And…
"How do you do it?" he asks.
Shizune looks at him. "Hm?"
"Sakura. She… she knows you so much better than you know her," he says, trying to find the words to convey what he means without saying it outright. If he talks loud enough for Shizune, he talks loud enough for eavesdroppers. "And just… you've known about all of that the whole time. How do you manage it?"
Shizune is silent for a moment, and then says. "Honestly? I was jealous."
Not what he was expecting, but okay. "How so?"
She chews the thought over for a minute. "Sakura… got to learn things I couldn't. It wasn't that Tsunade was unwilling to teach me, or that I was unwilling to learn, but just things I couldn't learn. Her fighting style, the Byakugou seal… these things are beyond me. They always will be. I'm second only to Tsunade herself as a medic, and even with the ages evened out, I'm better than Sakura. I'm great at poisons, the one field where I actually am arguably as good as Tsunade is. But… Sakura got to learn the things that made Tsunade famous. The parts that are her legacy from master to apprentice. The parts that I, as good as I am, didn't have the chakra control to learn. Second-best medic on the continent, and I couldn't learn, and this stranger comes out of nowhere and just… has it. Learned it, in a future that hasn't happened. She got to learn these things, and just… for a bit there, I was so jealous that I hated her."
She doesn't continue immediately, so Kakashi asks, "And now?"
"She's a friend," Shizune says. She shrugs. "A good friend, even. We traveled together for months, between them finding us and settling in Konoha. We talked, and the way she looked at me was like a sister. She brought me my favorite teas, knew how I like the papers filed, helped me wrangle Tsunade-sama when she had one of her moods. She knew me, but she never tried to… force the relationship, I suppose. I imagine it's a lot like what we would have had, but more equal, since she's nearer my age than…"
She trails off, looking at him.
"This isn't helping you, is it?" she asks, thought the resignation makes it obvious that she's not even expecting a real answer. "Because you don't want what could have been."
Kakashi ducks his head and casts his eyes away. "No, I didn't."
The past tense hangs heavy between them.
"Talk to me about it?" she suggests.
He tries.
"I've liked them for a while now," Kakashi says slowly. "Both of them, and enough that most of my friends have been trying to convince me to make my way into bed with them. They never showed any interest, so I figured they weren't interested in a third again after what happened with Sa—the last one. They also joked about having sworn off of emotionally-stunted geniuses enough that I figured it was possibly their way of letting me down easy. I never bothered to make the first move, and with recent revelations…"
"Kanna's a lot simpler, yeah," Shizune mutters. She presses closer to him, bicep to bicep, and waits.
There's another element, of course, but it's not one that's… applicable to most people.
Maybe Shizune would get it, and maybe she wouldn't, and he's not sure if he wants to put pressure on it by bringing it up. He tries not to think about it, tries to find another way to frame it.
Kakashi tries, he really does, but the thought weighs on him.
"Minato-sensei was like a father to me," he finally manages. "After—after my father committed suicide, I relied on Minato a lot. More than most genin rely on their sensei, I think. It didn't help that I'd known him since the age of five, and that I kind of just kept… losing people…"
"Mm," Shizune acknowledges him with a low noise, just enough to show she's listening.
Kakashi closes his eyes. "I know it's not the normal relationship, but I saw my Jounin sensei as a father figure. I'd have been raised with Naruto as a little brother. So…"
He can't put it into words without speaking truths that shouldn't be said in public.
Shizune eyes him, and then says, "She had parents."
Kakashi turns to her. "Eh?"
"She had parents, for a while longer than you did," Shizune says. "I think they stayed alive until she was… almost twenty? You'd have to ask her, but… her teammates might've seen their sensei differently, but she just saw him as another mentor. I mean, did you have anywhere near that intense of a relationship with your Academy sensei?"
"…no, no, I didn't."
Shizune smiles encouragingly. "Yeah. It's not quite as distant as that, but it's not as intense as the dynamic you had with Yondaime-sama. I imagine, given what you said, your time with him wasn't too different from the dynamic I have with Tsunade."
She's right.
"So her type encompassing both me and her Jounin sensei…" Kakashi says, just a smidge hesitant in how he says it, "isn't some uncomfortable father-complex style thing that would normally have me running for the hills, it's just… normal?"
"She wouldn't be the first girl to date someone that reminded her of an old teacher," Shizune says, almost laughing at him. She doesn't, of course, politely pulling that back. "I mean, still think on it, but also… just talk to her. Ask her if it's a thing on her end. I do think she's at least interested, even if she's been reticent, for… obvious reasons. It's a complicated situation, and it makes sense that you need time to process, but I think talking to her would help."
Shizune is good at this.
He tells her as much.
"Thanks," she says, and the humor in her voice is more than evident. "Been doing this too long, I think. Might be good to shift over into doing things a little more on the admin side…"
"Oh?"
"If Tsunade-sama becomes the Godaime, then someone has to be her assistant," Shizune reminds him. "And… well, who else would it be?"
There's a solid point in there somewhere. Few other people would be as ready to deal with Tsunade's mood swings, alcoholism, or stubbornness. Shizune's been working with her for over a decade.
"Fair point," Kakashi says. "Good luck."
"Thank you, Rokudaime-sama."
What.
What.
Kakashi stares at her in horror. "No."
Shizune smiles. "It's surprisingly likely."
"No."
She just laughs at him.
Kakashi almost makes it back to the Uzumaki house. Rin is still there, and he's going to be walking her back to the apartment. He can talk to Sakura later, because it's late and he's technically supposed to be keeping a solid sleep schedule. It's not like they don't see each other all the time anyway.
But all that is by the wayside, because Kakashi only mostly makes it back.
It's in a little park a few blocks from the house, empty at this time of night. Kakashi's got his hands in his pockets, enjoying the cool breeze and wondering if he should maybe lift his headband. He's not planning on opening his Sharingan, but the light wind would be… nice. The rain is gone, even.
"Kakashi."
He stills.
The air doesn't. It keeps blowing about, soft as it may be, and changes direction just enough for him to confirm the smell.
Kakashi turns, hands still in his pockets, body as lax as he can make it. "Obito."
The orange spiral mask is on.
The Akatsuki cloak isn't.
He's standing right in front of the jungle gym.
"Where's Rin?"
"Safe."
Obito tilts his head.
Kakashi waits.
Obito rocks back on his heels, leaning into the metal web of the gym. "How safe?"
"Enough," Kakashi says. "But you already knew that."
"Ha."
They're silent for a few more moments, and then, "Is she happy?"
Kakashi shrugs. "We're doing therapy. It helps. None of this is easy to recover from."
Obito's head tilts the other way. "You never leave her unsupervised."
"I've been told it's a problem."
"Are you scared for her? Of me?"
"Among other things," Kakashi says. "Have you handled your… infestation?"
"Not yet," Obito says. "I don't know the right… pesticide."
"Wouldn't it be—"
"Shut up, Bakashi."
He does.
"The woman with the pink hair, did she survive?"
"Aa. She won't be doing that again, though."
"She shouldn't have been able to in the first place." There's a question and an accusation in those words.
"You're not the only Uchiha to have passed their eyes on as a dying gift."
"That Rinnegan shouldn't exist," Obito hisses.
"And yet."
Obito huffs in frustration. "You're as annoying as ever, I see."
Kakashi hums under his breath. "Thanks."
"Dick," Obito mutters. He pushes himself up and back, taking a proper seat on the jungle gym. "Well? You gonna keep standing over there?"
Kakashi blinks, more than a little surprised. "Oh?"
Kakashi can't see past the mask, but he's sure that Obito is rolling his eyes. "I don't want to keep almost-shouting to be heard. Get over here, asshole."
A moment's hesitation, and then Kakashi ambles over. He flares his chakra, just in case Kanna hasn't noticed Obito in the area—unlikely—and takes a seat on another bar of the jungle gym.
"This would be more comfortable on the swings," he points out.
"I swear, Hatake, I am this close—"
Kakashi elbows him, and Obito cuts off with a groan.
Silence again.
Seems like there are a lot of those tonight. It's not awkward, at least.
"I can't hate you anymore," Obito says, and his head drops back to rest against the metal bar. "I've spent ten years hating you for what you did, hating Konoha and my clan and the entire shinobi system, and now it's just…"
"Gone?" Kakashi prompts.
"Not all of it," Obito says. He kicks a leg out like a child. "But a lot. I don't know which part of what you did is responsible, but… it's definitely been fucking with my head."
"Mm-hm," Kakashi says. Hesitantly, he offers, "if it's any consolation, I've been a wreck for the past two weeks. Finding out you were alive and, uh, not evil, necessarily, but…"
"Completely out of my gourd?" Obito says drily. "And a little evil. I've definitely been a little evil. Still am."
"Evil is the spice of life," Kakashi says gamely. "But yeah. That wasn't great for my head."
Obito snorts. He doesn't apologize.
"How's the kid?" Kakashi asks, after a few moments.
"Panicking, probably," Obito mutters. "I've explained things to Ki-to a friend, and he's… well, he's pissed, but mostly at the source of our problems, and a bit at me. Doesn't blame the kid much, at least, because…"
"He's barely sixteen?" Kakashi asks. "And was thirteen when he got pulled into this whole mess?"
Obito shrugs. "I mean, yeah."
"A valid reason," Kakashi says. "I mean, look what being thirteen did to us."
Obito smacks the back of his head. "Dick."
"Rude," Kakashi complains.
The conversation doesn't feel real.
It's comfortable.
It's terrifying.
He reaches out, telegraphing his movements, and puts his hand on Obito's. His fingers wrap around a gloved wrist, turning it over, and he laces their fingers together. He looks at their hands for a moment, and then up at Obito.
"Why are you always so fucking weird?" Obito grouses.
"Pretty sure it's the trauma," Kakashi offers.
"Ha ha," Obito deadpans. He looks pointedly down at their hands, except maybe it's not pointed so much as 'very limited field of vision due to mask,' which… Kakashi has the same problem with ANBU sometimes. "I killed them."
No need to ask who 'them' is. "Yeah. You did."
"And yet you're trying to help me."
Kakashi shrugs. "I'd like to say that I'm a kind and forgiving soul."
"Cut the crap."
"But that would be a lie, yes." Kakashi nods. "That said, I already knew about the slave seal, and… it's kind of hard to change ten years of habit."
"Tch," Obito scoffs. "Alright. I'll take that. Now what's this I hear about Tsunade being back?"
Kakashi stills. "Why?"
"Because Madara may have known how to infuse Hashirama cells in my body and give me prostheses, but he wasn't the kind of man that knew his way around brain damage," Obito hisses. "And now that I'm thinking at least somewhat more clearly, I'm pretty sure there's still some things from the rockfall that hasn't been fixed. Probably some that can't be fixed, because brains, but…"
He makes a harsh noise of frustration, not quite the snarl Kakashi's gotten used to from Kanna and Kurama, but close. "It's not something that keeps me from being an S-rank killer, but it's messing with me."
Kakashi wants to ask how, but… "I can talk to someone. If you're really switching sides and helping us, then it's definitely something I can lay out on the table. If not Tsunade, there are… other options."
Mostly Sakura, because she seems the most dedicated to helping Obito, but there's also Shizune.
"…thanks, Bakashi," Obito mutters. He knocks their ankles together. "I still think you're a jackass, though."
"Oh, one hundred percent," Kakashi immediately agrees. "And I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."
"Glad we're on the same page."
He sends off Akino with a message and short summary of the encounter to the Administration building, and goes back to the Uzumaki house. He enters the living room to a blur of movement, and Rin collides with his midsection.
"Rin, I told you they were calm, he's fine," Kanna sighs. "Hey. I'm guessing things went well?"
Kakashi shrugs. "We've got… a line of communication, I guess."
"Kamui?" Kurama prompts.
"Yeah," Kakashi says. He looks down, hesitates, but picks up Rin under the arms and swings her over to the loveseat. She curls up against him, shuddering, and he rests an arm on her shoulder. "Um… what did you guys think was happening?"
"I kept an ear out," Kanna dismisses. "We knew you were just talking. I think this is just… panic."
Rin isn't crying, at least. Kakashi rubs her arm, hoping the pressure will get her to calm down.
"Had to keep her from running out there to get involved," Sakura mutters. "Um, do you guys want to stay the night? I know Shisui's taking the guest room, but we can find an extra futon somewhere, probably."
"I think we're good to go home," Kakashi says. "Rin?"
She nods against his jumper.
He stands, and goes to the door. Sakura follows him there, and he turns just outside the entryway. "Er… can we talk? Tomorrow?"
She bites her lip, not biting her eyes. "I think they're planning to call us in to talk about the plans tomorrow, especially given what happened a few minutes ago. And the hospital wants me to come in and do paperwork, even if I'm technically on medical leave. Day after, maybe? We can do lunch."
It'll give him more time to process. He's even seeing Inoichi that morning. "Sure. Works for me. I should probably give an in-person report to Hokage-sama tomorrow."
She smiles softly, and ducks her head. "I know it's been a lot to take in. We've put a lot on your shoulders, so… thanks for being such a good sport about it all."
Kakashi's face twitches. "Ah, ah, I don't think it's really that impressive. I've mostly just been… oh!"
She blinks. "Is something wrong?"
"Do you have any experience with brain injuries?" he asks. "The cave-in… he said there's probably lingering damage. He asked for Tsunade-sama, and I said I'd ask for her or someone else that was on that level."
Rin makes a soft noise and clutches at his hand.
Hell, Inoichi was right about the whole codependency thing.
"Yeah, I've done that kind of work before," Sakura confirms. "I'll talk with Shishou and Shizune to see if either of them is willing to assist, too. Brain injuries can be tricky."
A bit of tension leaves him. Not much, because he had faith she'd agree, but some.
"Thanks," he says. "See you soon."
"You too, Kakashi-kun. Bye, Rin-chan."
The door closes.
[1] So… according to the databooks, Shizune is one-two years older than Kakashi, and she became a chuunin at age thirteen. She… probably couldn't have gotten a promotion while out of the village, so she had to leave at thirteen/fourteen, which would have been, at the earliest, a year or two before the Kyuubi attack. And that's just… Kishimoto. Dude. Timelines.
A/N: You can see my multishipper popping out. Am I planning on KakaObi? No. Would that scene have been a great place for a bittersweet kiss if I was? Well, yeah.