Hey everyone, sorry for the wait. This time of year isn't easy for me. I work full time too and I also felt quite anxious re this story. It's full on to write and self-doubt can play a really big part too. Your reviews inspire me so much, and I'm so grateful. More than I can express, really. Anyway, enough excuses here I am.

2 chapters once again and we begin with a little time jump of just under a week for this chapter but aside from a day or two here or there there won't be time jumps for the next few chapters also for the next few chapters, I've put dates in this time and the next chapter (for reasons) and when we move onto new days and it's clearer if we skip a day. (i hope)

Brace yourselves x

Friday December 15th 2017

"So anything more conclusive on the pod footage from Amelia Fischer's place?" Hailey asks Antonio as he pulls on a beanie as the snow falls around them.

"Nothing conclusive. We saw vehicles arriving. We saw people leaving vehicles and we've reviewed from much earlier in the day and we saw a person who could be Peter Barnet but nothing definite."

"And Amelia? She's said anything more?"

Antonio shakes his head, "No. Her family took her back to be with them yesterday so she can recover. Still claims it was a robbery."

"With nothing taken."

"Yeah."

Hailey shakes her head, dejected. Antonio makes a sound of agreement, then schools his face to a look of concern.

"I get you. We all do. It's frustrating. How are you holding up? Seen Barnet?"

"I'm okay and Barnet. Yeah, I saw him. He's been hanging around the bar a little more, but nothing unusual so far. Still got knuckles that look like they saw a fight. But every time I approached him: got him a drink, he'd drop his hands out of sight."

"He's smart."

"Yeah. At least they called Jay back for deliveries. Was wondering if they were giving up on Ryan, though no word on any of the bad stuff starting again yet."

"That's something at least. How's he doing?"

"He's good. Whether he admits it or not, he needed the break. Recharge himself mentally for when it starts again because Im sure it will. Not saying he's 100 percent fine, but he's better."

"That's good. Voight's concerned. We all are. And we still need to get into that cellar area. We were tossing around a few ideas yesterday. Thinking of maybe raiding the place. Make it look like a robbery."

Hailey frowns, "And Brian's place is the first target? No, that won't work. They'll smell something and set up someplace else."

"True, but what other choice do we have?"

"I have the keys. I can go in a little earlier one day."

"I dunno Hailey, that's risky."

"And the other way isn't? At least for me there's a reason, and I can explain it easily enough."

Antonio casts a skeptical glance her way but nods slightly, "Just be careful if you do it okay? And let me check with Voight first. We go in. At least we got safety in numbers."

"You go in and they find nothing taken or if they have any form of surveillance that we don't know about. Everything's off the table." Hailey points out, "Anyway, hopefully we get something when Adam goes in."

"Yeah, that's true. Monday he goes in."

"We could get a Christmas miracle?"

Antonio lets out a slight laugh, "An optimist, that's why you're good, Hailey."

"Good or misguided,"

"Or both? Look, be safe and if you end up going down in the cellar, don't take stupid risks."

Hailey mock salutes and Antonio shakes his head with a grin and waves before turning away toward his car as Hailey does the same, sliding into the driver's seat and picks up her cell, smiling as she sees the 'Good morning' message from Jay.

Jay.

It could have been awkward in the days that have passed since the weekend. Since the moment so close to intimacy.

Instead, it's easier. Somehow it's like they've cleared a barrier. Just by talking. Just by knowing that bit more about each other.

If the undercover ended tomorrow, Hailey knows the drill. The change when you go back to how it used to be. Hailey thinks maybe they could do it. Things are different anyway now. It's not how it used to be for them. Maybe friends isn't too big of a reach and that's a good place to start.

"Start what, Hailey?" her brain unhelpfully asks.

She ignores it. For now, she replies to the text, not hesitating with the reply like she would've done before.

That's something.

Sleep is confusing for Jay. He manages more, though it's always interrupted. It's ninety-per-cent awful stuff. The rest?

It's confusing. Its old memories mixed in with new. Additional people, though if he's being honest, there's only 1 person.

When Erin left, he dreamt once or twice about her. Dreamt of a knock on his door in the middle of the night and he'd know that knock anywhere. He'd practically ran to open it and she'd be there but only to turn away, her hand lifting to wave and then she'd disappear to nothing.

Jay's read about people who lose people and their loved ones would talk of seeing them one last time. Closure.

Erin's doing good, or better. He doesn't need anyone to tell him that. He knows. Fresh starts can do wonders.

He gets why he had those dreams. He's just confused about why he dreams about someone that's very much in his life, but only as his work partner. Someone he's merely undercover on the same case with.

Though he's never been this deep before, so how could he know if it's normal? He knows it heightens his senses. Knows he's on edge. That he's vulnerable. If Hailey's anything to go by, if what she doesn't tell him or admit but which speaks volumes when she spoke about Garrett is anything to go by, then none of these feelings, none of this should be a surprise.

Still is, though.

He stares at the phone and her simple reply with an emoji several times during the day. In between deliveries.

He stares at it when he's home. Tense with the uncertainty of when he'll endure the worst times of this op again. When Barnet or Price tell him it's time and not only for the deliveries.

When Jay can't sleep and the early hours drag, he lies with his legs outstretched on the couch and he knows she'll be back at her apartment, unable to sleep yet. Needing to unwind for a while and he doesn't hesitate as he finds her number, presses the button and holds the cell to his ear.

Catches himself smiling as he hears her voice, the mix of concern and admonishment in her tone. Allows himself the comfort it gives him.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"Hello to you too."

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yeah. Figured I'd call. Check your shift was okay. Barnet around?"

"No, Marcie was. Acting skittish."

"So, a normal Friday?" Jay quips, relaxing more.

Her laugh, brief as it is, has him grinning.

"How was your Friday? Any word from Barnet or Price?" Hailey asks him around a yawn.

"Nothing. It's too quiet. Perhaps they're just checking whether I'm back making deliveries, staying out of trouble before it starts again."

"Could be."

Hailey yawns again.

"I should let you go," Jay says then on instinct, he blames tiredness, the words falling from his mouth before he can stop them, "Hey, you want to come over here on Sunday. I'll make you brunch before you have to go to the bar. Return the favor."

He regrets the offer immediately.

"Or not," he amends, adding, "I'll see you soon anyway," stopping when he realizes she's saying something.

"Jay, shut up. I'd love to. Now, go rest okay?"

The call ends. It shouldn't be this simple, right? And it shouldn't mean he stares at his phone, wondering all the more what all of this with Hailey is about.

Yet it is. And he does.

Saturday December 16th 2017

Hailey never knows if Marcie will appear from one day to the next these days. It's a relief when she's not. Too wired on oxy. Easily distracted.

Hailey still feels for her. Still wants things to get better. She's a victim of circumstance, she's living proof of how losing a child can derail a person.

Perhaps she wasn't perfect beforehand, but it destroyed any hope of normalcy throwing the natural order of life off and few ever get wholly back on track.

You have to want to get back on track. Believe that life can get better. Except when you lose your child and you're too old for another. What's the point? Haileys seen how it goes before.

It's mid-afternoon now and there's no sign of her today. The bar's warm while outside the winter air is biting.

Hailey's wiping down the back of the bar for what seems like the hundredth time today when fingertips run alongside her right arm and she feels warm breath on her neck.

She glances towards the hand, sees the fading marks on the knuckles. There's nothing gentle in the way Barnet touches her. At best, he's clumsy. At worst, it's chilling, except there's nothing that holds fear where this man's concerned for Hailey herself.

Especially when she considers who she's come up against before.

"Hey Paula."

She turns around, stepping away from Barnet and holds the cloth, nodding toward him and moves toward the bar, picking up a glass as she puts the cloth down, "The usual?"

Barnet smirks, "I guess I got my answer. You and Ryan, huh?"

Hailey feigns a look of confusion, "Ryan?"

"Honey, you'll see who's worth it in the end," he gestures towards the glass she's holding and shakes his head, "Was passing by. Thought I'd see where I stand. Let me know when you change your mind. I'll be waiting."

She watches as he disappears through the side door.

"You're smart, Paula, and I think you already know, but this is for the future. In case that ache of loneliness gets too much. Never think for a moment that guy is the answer to the loneliness, promise me that?"

Hailey looks from the side door to the voice, sees Terry and smiles. Almost responds with 'Copy that' as she would if it was Voight or Olinsky, even Jay.

"I promise, Terry."

The older man doesn't smile as he carries on.

"I think you realize how fucked up he is, how fucked up everyone is around these parts. Myself included. You know when I may seem like the sanest one, that's when I think it's time for you to pack up. Ryan too, if he's got any sense."

"You're selling yourself short, Terry."

He shakes his head, "No, you are. Every single day you're here when I show up, it's you doing that, Paula. You placing yourself deeper in a situation few people have gotten out of. Be damn careful, both of you."

"Like Kacey?"

Terry doesn't reply, just picks up the half-full glass and turns away.

Irritation simmers within Hailey. That and frustration at the warnings, so many warnings but always no substance. Nothing that gets them further. There's always a step forward and multiple back.

She decides there and then she'll change the tide herself.

Sunday December 17th 2017

"I think I'll come to Chef Halstead's brunch place another time," Hailey says enthusiastically from where she's sat on the couch next to him as she lays down the knife and fork onto the plate and puts the plate on the table in front of them.

"It's only pancakes, bacon and maple syrup, Hailey."

"True, but I knew a guy once who would always burn the bacon and undercook the pancakes, so I had low expectations."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, let's not go there," she changes the subject quickly, "No word from you know who yet? No sign of anything restarting?"

Jay pulls a face, "Oh I've had messages but they've all been about the deliveries. Nothing at all. I thought maybe this weekend they'd message, but nothing."

"And how's your sleep?" Hailey asks carefully. He looks better. The dark circles under his eyes are less pronounced. The facial hair is longer but seems to have been trimmed at least.

"Comes and goes. I wonder if that's the point of all of this. Take the guys to a point that they're close to the worst and step away but leave them with the memories back and then just when they're starting to recover."

"They take it to a worse point and their bodies and minds can't take it?" Hailey finishes.

Jay nods, a grim expression on his face, but he shakes himself, stands up with his own plate and reaches for Hailey's and walks towards the sink, placing the plates and cutlery into it and then turning around.

"So you were saying Terry was giving you warnings again?"

"Yeah. I mean, unless he'll tell me something concrete, what's the point? Everyone tells us a little and then they back off. We just need 1 person to flip."

Jay rejoins her and sinks down back onto the couch, dragging his hand down his face as he does.

"Yeah. We could use Flynn or Anthony Hunt coming out of hiding or anyone."

"Or a lead of any kind. Adam could find something out when he goes under."

"That would be good. I don't think it's everything though unless someone gets talkative. We need eyes downstairs. In the cellar."

"Yeah," Hailey replies, her tone non-committal.

Jay notices, his eyes narrowing, "Hailey?"

"What? We need something, right?"

"On your own? Be careful," Jay warns.

"I will be. It's better than any other option on the table which could shut us right down though."

"Still," Jay whispers, concern palpable in his hushed tone.

"I'll be okay, Jay. Promise."

"I'll be holding you to that, Hailey." he leans in, feeling a sense of disappointment creep upon him as she smiles then reaches for her bag.

"I gotta go, but I also remembered you loaned me a shirt that time I stayed over so I washed it and here you go."

She hands a small bag with the shirt folded neatly and smelling of what Jay realizes is the familiar scent of fabric softener on Hailey's clothes.

"You didn't need to."

"Like you and the thermos, right?"

Jay grins and nods, "Yeah, so another thing then?"

"Kinda," Hailey smiles as she stands up and doesn't comment when Jay does the same and walks over with her toward the door, "If they contact you, if they call you in. Let me know?"

"You'll be the first to know."

His hand briefly touching her arm stops her from opening the door and she looks down, thinking how different his touch feels even though she's wearing her jacket and she can't feel his fingers on her skin. It's a world away from Barnet's touch and as she looks up at him, the concern in his eyes is genuine. The affection she feels, real.

"And you, please be careful, okay?"

Her hand brushes against his arm in acknowledgement and a quiet nod of promise that she will be, and she opens the door, feeling his gaze on her and fighting against the urge to look back.

Monday December 18th, 2017

Adam huffs out a bored sigh as he stands in the doorway of the back entrance to the bar. It's cold but not overly so, given how close Christmas is.

He went under yesterday. He may as well not be, though at least they've allowed him behind the bar, once at least. For now, they have relegated him to security on the back door.

It's clear he's only trusted to a certain degree, and the delivery has already been and gone. The crate is a few feet from where Adam stands now.

Every time he turns around he can see the door that's shut but because the lock is broken, all it needs is a gentle push and Adam could go in, get into the crate and get out.

He just needs to be patient. Too bad being patient doesn't come naturally to him.

Tuesday December 19th, 2017

If there's one thing Hailey's learned in life, it's that life's always about practising for what comes later.

As a child, she perfected going about her business quietly. Even if a child's business was nothing compared to adult Hailey's existence.

When things were awful and the shouting didn't stop and seemed like it never would, she'd hide in her room till it was impossible to, till she needed to go to the bathroom and so she'd creep across the landing from her bedroom and open the door so quietly, shut it so carefully.

Over time, she got better so her dad would never realize.

It became useful to have that practice in later years. To move somewhere else and no one would be any the wiser.

She'd used it to her advantage in every way. To be as unobtrusive as possible. To creep up on people.

When it didn't work, that helped too. So now she can hear the slightest creak of a floorboard. She can sense the change in air. Sometimes still too late. After all, she couldn't do it for others if she wasn't there too, and so she could never help them when they needed it most.

She stops herself thinking those thoughts because they're never helpful.

Whereas all she's learned, it is helpful right now.

It's early, but not so early that should anything go wrong she can't explain. As long as she's found anywhere but here that is.

Here being the cellar.

The cellar that the best little tools in the land that she's quietly owned since she first went undercover had broken into and if all goes to plan no one will be the wiser.

Assuming there're no cameras, which as she looks around the room Jay's been in before, she can see no sign of.

She's quick, methodical as she searches. Sees the table with chairs around it that Jay's mentioned, the video screen on the wall. It's clinical in its appearance and in its smell too, antiseptic lingers in the air. It's cold, not in temperature but in the atmosphere. Though there's no sign of what Jay's endured here and not just Jay, the other men who've been here too.

Hailey finds nothing at first. Not until she looks behind the video screen in the tiny space and sees it.

It is wrong, it's plural. Exactly what she'd seen last night ahead of today on the internet. Both of them blockers. Black. She notes the screen isn't even plugged in a way that could work. Instead, a shield for what it hides.

She pulls out the phone from her pocket, takes quick pictures which aren't the best of quality but they do at least show them.

Hailey's eyes scan the room for further clues till her eyes fall again on the door in the corner. She shouldn't try, it's risky on her own. She does anyway.

The first door opens, it's unexpected and so she looks around her. Looking toward the second door that's locked, and it takes a little more effort to get in.

Takes a minute too long, but she's come this far and as the door opens and she places the tool back into her pocket, presses the light switch with her gloved hand and steps into the room seeing what's on the surrounding walls, she's torn between wishing she hadn't and relief almost that she has.

The walls have a series of pictures. Dates and letters above each name that vary from person to person.

MIA. KIA. ON ACTIVE SERVICE.

The first set of letters are above Anthony Hunt's picture. The second above too many other pictures. And the final?

Jay's face, Ryan Foster written underneath.

Confirmation of what Steven Flynn had told Jay. There's no comfort in it and there's almost disappointment in Hailey as she realizes the room holds no more secrets, just a small minibar size fridge on the ground in the corner with a bottle of water resting on the shelf as she opens it and looks inside.

She takes several pictures. Maybe they can find out the handwriting, the source. She wants to do more. Wants to check the walls.

Perhaps Antonio had been right. A raid could've achieved that, but overall, she still thinks her way stands a better chance of working, of maintaining the integrity of the undercover.

Another thing she'd learned as a child was if you change anything, even minor things, you put everything back exactly the way you found them.

Everything is as though no one's touched it and she walks up the stairs, opens the door and shuts it firmly but as quiet as she can behind her, steps into the bathroom and removes the gloves placing them in her bag in the hole where the material's come away from the rest of the bag, she breathes a sigh of quiet relief that no one interrupted and that it's not too far from the time she usually arrives to open the bar.

It lasts for the 5 minutes she takes to make herself look presentable. To smudge on some lip salve and pull the bobble from her hair.

Lasts until she opens the door to the bar area and the moment she sees Marcie. Sat on one of the barstools, nursing a drink and offering a smile that even though she's too far away Hailey knows doesn't reach her eyes.

"Couldn't sleep either, Paula?" The older woman pats the stool next to her, "Pull up a stool and we'll talk about sleepless nights, huh?"

Wednesday December 20th, 2017

Jay thumbs through the photograph in the file handed to him by Voight. Senses the scrutiny from the other man.

From Hailey and Al, too.

Another early morning meet. This time by the silos. Icy temperature and a feeling that snow will fall hard. There's no sense of Christmas cheer in the silos.

No sense of Christmas cheer in Jay as he looks at the pictures Hailey had taken in the small room of the other men involved in it all.

"Flynn wasn't lying then? Nothing else, though?" He switches his attention from the photos to Hailey as he asks, already certain of the answer.

"No. It was strange. Felt like there should be other stuff there, but no, nothing," she confirms with an apologetic expression on her face.

"Those blockers, though. Burgess checked with the tech guy and he said that even one of them would block signals." Olinsky puts in.

"That's something. You told Antonio that Marcie was there when you went upstairs? She given you any trouble? Any sign they've made you?" Voight inquires of Hailey.

"No, nothing. At least not by the time I was sitting next to her."

Jay glances at her sharply, "Before that though?"

"I don't know. She hides well, whatever it is. I keep thinking maybe she knows more and I just need to press her and she'll flip. Just like everyone else involved in all this, she closes off. Doesn't say a thing."

"I should speak to her again," Jay suggests, "Just me and her. Maybe she's all kinds of mixed up. The time of year."

"Not yet, Jay," Voight replies then adds, "They mentioned anything to you about starting up the whole cellar thing again?"

"Nope."

Voight eyes Olinsky. Knows his oldest friend is on the same wavelength and he lets him voice his thoughts instead of it being him this time.

"I think they're observing you. Seeing how you are, seeing how you're responding to what they've done so far. I don't think they've made you. I wondered about this yesterday, wondered about it every time we hit a roadblock. Thing is, we're running out of options with the blocker in the cellar. With how far they've been going," Al pauses, stepping closer to Jay, his voice lowering, the tone careful, "I'm not sure how viable this operation is much longer without endangering you unnecessarily."

They all watch Jay. He knows they do. Maybe they expected an explosion of protest. Maybe Jay expected one too. He agrees with Al though: he doesn't think they have made him or Hailey, yet.

"I could go in with an old style wire? Would that work?" He tries, even though his own experience with them isn't great. Even if it worked. Just one brief lapse of his consciousness, one little moment where they take the whole repetition of what he's been through before too far and it's all over.

Voight's silent response, the look he gives Jay and the way Al looks at him too. It says everything.

"We said till Christmas, Jay. You asked me till The New Year'll give you till to the new year and we hope Ruzek finds something while he's at that other bar but we get nothing? I pull you both. We close everything down and we'll press harder with everything we've learned. They call you in at this stage, you tell us, and we'll decide then, you copy?"

Jay looks from Voight and Al to Hailey. Finds what he sees more frequently in her these days. Comfort and calmness that ground him despite everything.

He wants to argue. He wants to say he doesn't need protecting and that he's got this. He can handle it. The trouble with that is he doesn't know quite how far the this will go. His lack of sleep, the disruption to any of the sleep he gets? It tells the story all on its own.

He sees her nod. The smile that tells him despite his burning disappointment unless something drastically changes that it was all for nothing, some things have changed and that it'll be okay.

"Copy that, Sarge."

He looks away from Voight back to Hailey who nods again and to Al who glances at Hailey and then back to Jay and there's an almost imperceptible smile on the older man's face.

"Ok, we're going to keep all the angles we got going on from this case while we can till the new year. You two be careful."

"Sarge," Hailey and Jay chorus in unison and watch as Voight walks towards his truck, Olinsky lingering closer to them both, waiting till Voight gets in the vehicle and slams the door shut.

He gestures between them both, "What the man said, be careful and I know you're doing it already, but take care of each other and listen to each other, okay?"

Al walks to the vehicle that Voight's started, jumps in and shuts the door and the truck reverses quickly, speeding away out of sight within a couple of seconds.

It's quiet between Hailey and Jay at first. Quiet except for the wind whistling around them and through the abandoned buildings surrounding them.

They both go to speak at the same time and grin as they do.

"You first," Jay says.

"I was just asking if you were okay? All this undercover's done to you and it may come to an end."

"We're only on December 20th, Hailey. Still a lot of this year to go," Jay points out and Hailey shrugs, muttering, "True." in response.

"I am okay though. Surprisingly. Kinda thanks to you," he admits, surprised at himself for saying it.

Hailey looks visibly surprised too for a moment but then smiles and not the way she had before, the way she's done so many times to ground him because her eyes truly match the smile now. If he didn't know better, he'd say it's almost a delighted smile, definitely a surprised one.

He files it away in his newly formed 'things I like about Hailey Upton' folder in his head.

"You know I'll help anyway I can, Jay."

"I know which brings me to how I can help you and me. I have an ulterior motive."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, so we've established Christmas isn't so good for us and neither of us could be with family even if we wanted to be so you, me, Christmas, your place. I'll bring tinsel, baubles, maybe even some home-made something, you bring the wine and I promise this time we'll actually eat the main course."

Jay consciously files Hailey's quick laugh to the folder in his head.

"Oh man, are you in for a disappointment if you're expecting some kind of full turkey dinner."

"Hey, I'd settle for bags of potato chips and that amazing wine you had last time."

"Noted, but maybe I'll try something a little extra just to mark the occasion."

"Your cupcakes would be cool."

Hailey grins, "Deal and now I got to go, but first," she holds up her hand before she turns away toward her car.

Jay knows immediately what's about to happen because he does the same. He walks to his own car, reaching across to the passenger seat and picks up the flask, slamming the door and turning around to find Hailey in front of him, grinning delightedly.

"Oh man, we're predictable."

"Not the worst thing, though," Hailey grins as they exchange the thermoses.

"It isn't," Jay agrees, "Hey, you be safe, I got a feeling you could be more vulnerable right now than me, particularly if they never call me back down there again."

"I'll be safe as long as you promise to be safe too."

"Copy that."

If all this ends soon, it's no exaggeration to say that this, this routine. The comfort Jay's found in the shared habits and predictability? He'll miss it.

Thursday December 21st 2017

Festive cheer isn't a thing for the 21st District or at least hasn't been today and Trudy Platt's about done.

What's said to be the shortest day of the year has felt like the longest. Asshole after asshole and she can't wait to get home, lay her feet on Mouch's lap and count down the days till she next gets a vacation.

It's almost 9pm when she hears someone clear their throat and then murmur, "Excuse me?"

Trudy looks up and gives the person a once over. Dark-haired lady, petite with immaculate fashion sense.

"Are you lost, ma'am?"

The woman smiles and shakes her head, "Not so much. Though it's been a while and I'm kind of fighting the urge to turn back around and run out that door so," she takes a deep breath and pulls something from her coat pocket, a business card and slides the card across, "Is Detective Upton still here? I'd like to talk to her."

Trudy looks from the card to the woman, "And you are?"

"Hi, I'm Kayleigh Alexander."