2.
Joan pulled away slightly, not really ready to accept that Sherlock was staying with her. She had no intention of letting him pity her. She knew he would not cope with watching her go through chemotherapy and possibly radiotherapy. She froze slightly as she thought of how she had to make the whole experience as pain free as possible for her son, she didn't have the strength to do that for a grown man.
"Sherlock."
"I mean what I say, Watson. You and young Arthur are going to have to get used to me being here." He paused. "I mean, in New York. I don't have to stay here. Not if that would be an inconvenience."
"Where else would you stay?" She raised an eyebrow. "This is your home."
He tilted his head in acknowledgement, Gregson's words still ringing in his ears he hoped he was going to be able to live up to his former boss' expectations of him. It was no secret he had deep feelings for the former surgeon. He had never hid it, even if he had no idea how to express them. Joan stepped out of his arms.
"Arthur is in school until 4. We could get some lunch." She folded her arms as Sherlock nodded.
"Lunch would be good." He paused, glancing at the clock. "Why did you not see fit to tell me about your health? I thought. Well, I believed you and I."
"Why didn't you come back when you knew it was safe? You knew Odin was going to prison for life. You had the chance to come back here. You didn't do that for the same reason I was going to let you leave." She turned back to face him. "To keep you safe. I know the work you do is so important. I know because I have been by your side everyday for seven years, until Odin killed your father. Everyday. I know you stayed away because you thought it would be too dangerous to have me and Arthur in the same house as you and you doing the job."
Sherlock nodded. He had to admit it was a fair assessment of why he had continued to stay away once he had heard of young Arthur's existence, but it was only part of it. "Because I relapsed."
"You? Say that again."
"I used heroin again." He paused. "I hated myself for walking out after that night. I know it was the plan." He raised a hand. "I knew you understood the reason for it but I hated myself. I missed you badly and I wanted it to stop. So."
"But, you could have come back."
"You have a son. A baby at the time. I would have come back, possibly relapsed and what? A toddler find me out of my head? Or worse dead? No, I couldn't do that to him. I. No." He shook his head. "You are a wonderful mother, Joan. But I am not a good person. Not the sort of man I would want around a child, especially yours."
"Sherlock."
"And now. I am clean. Apart from that one time and I am going to stay clean."
"Good." Joan looked him straight in the eye. "Because I am not going to die. I am going to have the chemotherapy and any other treatments the Oncology team want me to have and I am going to be there when Arthur graduates from College, when he gets his own place, has his own children. I am going to be there for all of it. And don't you say I can't possibly know that. Because I do." She stopped talking as her last words came out in a sob. "I."
"I don't doubt it for a second." He smiled at her as he pulled her back into his arms, kissing her gently at first but relaxing as she deepened the kiss. They broke for air as he started to feel a little light headed. He rested his forehead against hers, hands still gripping her waist. "I want to be here too, for all those things. If you'll let me."
Joan smiled, her heart threatening to explode in her chest.
"It wont be pretty. I can't say its going to be easy."
"I don't care. I am going to be here. If you'll have me." His words were almost a whisper, but the determination was still there. She knew he meant everything he said. Frowning slightly, she looked away running his words through her mind. He waited, watching her, knowing that if she told him to go then he would but he would not be leaving New York. He startled for a moment as she took his hand and pulled him towards the doorway.
"Stay." She smiled as he kissed her gently on the cheek. In that moment he was determined there was no way he was going to leave New York again.
xxxxxx