Camus
Camus restarted the supermarket app for the sixth time. He had been trying to place an order for four days straight and every time he had to choose a delivery time, he found that all were taken. He already tried shopping at other nearby stores and the answer was always the same. COVID19 cases in Europe were increasing day by day and now it seemed that everyone in Athens had gone crazy. The shelves in the stores were emptied and now it was difficult to get things as basic as canned vegetables and toilet paper.
The situation was complicated for everybody, but Camus felt that his luck was among the worst. With two babies at home he couldn't go to different stores to get everything he needed. In fact, Camus relied on the home shopping app long before the pandemic. Even though Milo would take them to the supermarket once a week, if the formula milk ran out unexpectedly, or if Camus forgot to put something on the shopping list, the easy way around was to order online. He had followed this strategy for months and it had worked so well for him that sometimes he and Milo would chose not to go shopping and took the children to the park instead. However, now that everyone was staying home, half the city seemed to be turning to online stores, cluttering shipping systems and schedules.
Camus sighed and locked his phone, placing it on the breakfast table. It was hard not to have Milo at home, but he didn't want to abuse his trust. He had his own life to live and Camus interfered with it for long enough. Besides, he wanted to avoid the problems that would arise from having Milo at home.
When Milo proposed him to live with him at the beginning of the adoption, Camus instinctively agreed. He never imagined that his friend would be such a good caretaker, and even less that his feelings for him would become so irrational. Initially, Camus thought that his heart harbored only gratitude, but as the weeks passed he realized that it was much more than that. Milo was so kind and gentle that it was impossible not to fall in love with him, and many times he cursed himself for rejecting him in high school.
Sadly, back then they were both too young. Camus genuinely thought that Milo had mistaken his friendship for love and Milo didn't know how to convince him otherwise. Camus knew, deep down, that if he had accepted his confession at that moment, they would have thrown themselves into an inexperienced and awkward relationship that would surely have had ended up badly. Still, he couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if things had worked out and they had stayed together until now.
Either way, everything was lost. Milo saw him only as a friend and Camus was happy to accept as much or as little he had to offer him and, thank heavens, Milo seemed to have a whole world to give him. Camus's days were brightened by his smiles, his jokes and his willingness to take care of the little ones. Camus wouldn't know what to do if Milo walked away from his life and he would do anything to keep him in it. Even if that meant giving him his space at such a critical time.
A snoring sound emanated from the baby monitor in Hyoga's crib, making Camus remember his current predicament. He picked his phone again and began to fill the shopping cart of the Amazon app. He wouldn't find everything he needed, nor would his order arrive quickly enough. Still, he would be calmer knowing that help was on the way.
The sudden sound of the doorbell made Camus flinch and he almost dropped the phone. He read the time on the clock and wondered who in their right mind would visit him on a Saturday morning. He took the two baby monitors, fastened them on his belt, and walked towards the door. It was not long before he heard the noise of several bags and a shaky breathing that he recognized as Milo's. Puzzled, he quickened his pace and found his friend leaving several shopping bags on the floor.
—Milo…— Camus said as he walked towards him. He was about to help him with the bags when Milo stopped him with a wave of his hand.— What are you doing here?
— Yesterday I tried to order my groceries and all the delivery times were taken —he explained without taking off his mask—. So I decided to go to the supermarket by myself and thought I could bring you some stuff.
Camus quickly reviewed the bags and smiled - Milo had gotten him everything he needed urgently.
—You shouldn't have bothered. Tell me how much I owe you.
—It's not a hassle and you don't owe me anything— he said — Well, I'll be taking my leave. I don't want to contaminate your house. It's best for you to clean everything with water and bleach. They say that the probability of contagion with objects is very low, but who-
At that moment a high pitched whine came from Isaac's monitor.
—I'm sorry — Milo said as his gaze went to the stair that led to the children's room — He must have woken up with the doorbell sound. I should have sent you a text.
—No worries, it will soon be breakfast time.
Milo nodded carelessly without letting his attention drift away from the second floor. Camus knew he was dying to see the children. He hadn't in two weeks.
—You can come in, if you like
—I shouldn't —his attention came back to Camus—Not after being in the germ soup that is the supermarket.
—Take a bath first. I'll lend you some clothes and you can stay with the children for today —Milo was about to refuse — You are wearing an N95 mask and you reek of disinfectant. I know you have taken your precautions. Besides, you've barely gone out in two weeks. I trust you're healthy.
After pondering for almost an entire minute, Milo finally complied. Camus took the groceries into the kitchen while Milo took off his shoes and gloves and headed towards the guest bathroom.
After making sure that the children were alright, Camus returned to the kitchen to store whatever needed refrigeration. Following that, he went to his bedroom to find some clean clothes for Milo. Although they were the same height, Milo was considerably more robust than Camus and it was difficult for him to find pants that could fit him. Milo would have to settle to spend the rest of the day in rags.
Camus carried the clothes to the bathroom, where he knocked on the door.
—Here are the clothes, Milo.
—Thanks. Can you bring them in?
Without thinking about it twice, Camus opened the door and stepped into the bathroom. Only then did he realize that no water was dripping from the shower, which meant that …
—You can put it on the dresser— Milo said as he emerged from the shower wrapping a thick towel around his waist.
It had been many years since the last time Camus saw Milo shirtless and he couldn't help but blush when he confirmed that his friend had far more muscles than he had when they were in high school. His body didn't seem to resent the several weeks without going to the gym, and Camus had a hard time focusing on his task of leaving clothes on the dresser.
—If you need anything else, tell me— he said quickly before stepping out of the bathroom.
Once outside, he leaned against the bathroom door and sighed.
What was he thinking when he brought Milo into the house?
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Once Milo finished bathing, he went up to the nursery room and got them ready for breakfast. By the time he came down with them, Camus had already put the pantry away and was finishing preparing the food. Milo placed the children in their high chairs, tied their bibs and helped Camus feed them. They stayed that way for several minutes interrupted only by Hyoga's babble, Isaac's constant questions, and Milo's attempts to have a coherent conversation with him. Once they finished eating, Milo started washing the children's faces.
—How is your family? — Milo asked as he ran a wet washcloth over Hyoga's face — Everything alright?
Camus, who was washing the dishes while eating his own cold breakfast, turned his head so Milo could hear him clearly over the noise of the children and the running water.
—Everybody healthy until now. And yours?
—Two in-laws of one of my uncles are sick —he said—, but it seems nobody else in the family has gotten it.
Camus sighed, and once he finished cleaning the dishes, he took his breakfast and sat next to Milo.
—Good. The situation is worrying. Things will get worse before they get better and I'm not sure how long we will have things under control.
Milo looked at him sideways as he removed Hyoga's bib and proceeded to do the same with Isaac.
—You know you can count on me for whatever you need, right?
—I know, Milo, but I don't want to cause you any more problems than I've already-
—It is not a problem —his words sounded so sincere that Camus had to avert his gaze. He knew he wouldn't be able to refuse much longer— You know I would do anything for you.
—Kazii! — Isaac suddenly exclaimed.
—Kwazii? — Milo asked as if it was the most intriguing word in the world— You want to watch Kwazii and the Octonauts?
—Otonauts! Yes!
—Very well. Let's watch Octonauts —he repeated the last word slowly, remarking the syllables that Isaac couldn't yet pronounce —Are you coming with us? —he asked, turning towards Camus and Hyoga.
—We will catch up soon. I want to finish my breakfast.
Milo nodded and, after taking Isaac from his chair, he took his hand and helped him walk away.
—Who is your favourite Octonaut, Isaac?
Milo and Isaac started a new deep conversation about the pros and cons of each one of the characters, and walked towards the living room where they could watch the series.
Meanwhile, Camus kept eating his bacon and eggs while Hyoga tried to turn his head towards where Milo and Isaac had gone. Camus imagined how nice would it be if all his mornings were like that. He loved watching Milo interact with the boys and to know that he could trust him even if something happened. Milo always made everything so much easier. Everything, except stopping Camus from falling in love with him.
Maybe, he thought, he wasn't properly dealing with the situation. Years ago Milo loved him romantically, and it made sense that he could do so again. Camus had never been interested in anyone else and his seduction techniques were awful, but fate had offered him a new opportunity in a silver plate. The quarantine probably would extend for months; months in which Camus could once again win Milo's heart.
Suddenly, Hyoga let out a sharp whine. Camus put aside what was left of his breakfast and pulled the baby out of his chair. He rocked him in his arms for a few minutes until his cries became so strong that they made it clear that he would not fall asleep again anytime soon.
With a new plan in mind, Camus walked to the living room, where Milo and Isaac watched television in the floor. Camus took a seat in the sofa and put Hyoga on his legs.
—Milo? —he asked with a quiet voice—. I'm sorry for abusing your trust once again, but do you think it's possible for you to move in with us again for a few weeks, until the end of quarantine?
Milo looked at him and smiled widely.
—Of course I can, Camus! Don't worry. I'll defend you from the zombie apocalypse for as long as it's needed!
—Zombie! Plants Vesus Zombies!
—Do you want to watch me play Plants Versus Zombies, Isaac?
—Yes, yes!
Isaac started singing the game's theme song as Milo projected his phone screen to the television. Later, Isaac giggled hysterically as the extravagant zombies appeared in the screen and Hyoga soon imitated him.
The living room filled with the children's laughter and the game's sound effects, while Camus was overflowing with joy. He would have Milo with him for months. He would do whatever it took to win his heart once again and then he would receive not only his attention but also his heart. Camus wasn't a greedy person but now he realized that with Milo it was different. He wanted everything from him and he wouldn't rest until he obtained it.
The best part was that he only needed to learn how to flirt, become more honest and survive the pandemic.
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As expected, having Milo at home was a great help for Camus. He stopped worrying about running out of food and had more time to rest and relax. What he didn't expect was that Milo would resist all his charms (Camus wanted to believe that he still had something charming about him). He had tried to close the distance between them, but every time his hands brushed against the others' or Camus tried to rest his head on his shoulder, Milo immediately separated and gave some silly excuse to walk away. In a desperate attempt to get his attention, he began to wear fewer clothes around the house. Summer was around the corner and the terrible heat was the best excuse to leave his room with just a baggy shirt and boxers. Sadly, not even that drew Milo's attention.
Weeks passed and Camus began to fear that Milo would never see him as more than a friend. They were no longer high school boys, he thought, now they were adults and Camus brought with him the responsibility of two small children. Just because Milo was not afraid to take care of them, it didn't mean he didn't fear the responsibility of becoming an adoptive parent.
Camus's suspicions were confirmed one morning as he worked from the nursery. He was an online teacher, and while the work had increased considerably since the schools sent the children home, he could still have an hour or two of rest between lessons. On that particular day, Hyoga was taking his morning nap while Camus and Isaac played hide and seek.
Like any two-and-a-half year old, Isaac was terrible at hiding, so Camus was confident that he could close his eyes for fifteen seconds to give him the chance to find the best hiding place. However, in the third round, he was surprised to see that Isaac had disappeared from the room. Nervously, he placed Hyoga's monitor on his belt and walked to the adjoining rooms to find Isaac. It wasn't long before he discovered that the guest room door was ajar. He instantly remembered that Milo was on a video conference at the time and he ran into the room in order to stop Isaac from intruding.
Much to his regret, he was too late. When he opened the door he found a very surprised Milo with Isaac in his arms. Milo's coworkers were quick to react at the boy's interruption.
—How adorable! —said one of the women—. Is he your son?
—I didn't know you were a father, Milo —someone commented.
—Neither did I —added another one—. Now I get it why you turned down-
—I'm sorry! — Milo interrupted — I gotta go, I'll come back in five minutes!
He hurriedly closed his laptop. Camus walked up to Milo and offered his arms to Isaac, who gladly accepted them.
—I am so sorry. We were playing hide and seek and he escaped the bedroom.
—I won! —exclaimed Isaac.
—Yes, yes. You won. Now apologize to Milo and let's go back to the bedroom.
—Sorry! —said a smiling Isaac, without fully comprehending why he was apologizing.
Strangely, instead of receiving the apologies with a smile, Camus noticed Milo's concern. Milo had been mistaken as the father of the kids several times now and although at the beginning it was awkward, soon he ended up laughing at the misunderstandings and more than once he played along with them. Now, however, he looked pale and nervous, and it took Camus a few seconds to understand why. One thing was to deal with total strangers, and another was to do so with coworkers. Now that they've met Isaac, Milo would have to give them explanations and share details of his private life to people that didn't really deserve them. No one had to know that Milo spent his days taking care of children who weren't even his. The wall between his professional and private life had been broken and it would be impossible to repair it.
—Don't worry, Milo. It's just a misunderstanding. Just say that you help a friend with his children and that's it. They don't deserve any more explanations.
Milo did not seem to understand what his friend was saying, and he kept his gaze on the floor. It wasn't until several seconds later that he nodded and returned to his computer.
—Yes, of course. I will.
—Milo?
—It's alright. Please, close the door as you leave.
Camus nodded and did as Milo asked him. He felt completely miserable because his friend's reaction. It hurt to know that he was ashamed of his family, and he feared that there was something else behind his reaction. Maybe he liked one of his coworkers? Knowing that you live with someone else would surely remove you from the most wanted singles list and would make you lose your chance with anyone within your work environment.
Milo's attitude did not change dramatically from that moment, but Camus began to see signs of doubt in his eyes. He was sure Milo would run out of the house as soon as the quarantine ended, and Camus feared that he would not have the courage to go after him. Little by little, the house fell into an uncomfortable melancholy that made quarantine even more difficult to cope with until it all finally exploded.
That night did not seem any different from the others. Camus and Isaac played with Duplo's, and Milo tried for the umpteenth time to get Hyoga to say his name.
—Mi-lo —he vocalized— Come on, you can do it. Mi-lo —Hyoga just giggled and let himself fall onto his baby puff—Is my name so funny? I'll teach you what's funny.
Milo started tickling his feet and Hyoga's laughter mixed with babbling in which he surely asked for a truce. Or so it seemed until he spoke two syllables that would change everything forever.
—Papa!
Camus laughed loudly and regretted not having his phone camera on. Isaac also understood that something incredible had just happened and imitated his father's smile. Sadly, Milo didn't share their joy. Rather, he settled Hyoga on his puff and very slowly pulled away from him.
—His first word —he murmured— He's calling for you, Camus.
Camus frowned and shook his head.
—This 'papa' wasn't for me and you know it.
Milo began to blink rapidly and Camus noticed the intense redness on his cheeks and ears. The man shook his head and held on to the wall as if he feared passing out at any moment.
—Calm down, Milo. It is just a word. It's normal for him to call you like that. In time he will understand that-
—I have go out for a moment.
—What? Right now?
—I'll come back later.
Milo practically ran out of the bedroom. Camus barely had time to take Hyoga in his arms and tell Isaac that he would be back soon. As he walked down the stairs with his son in his arms, he felt like the protagonist of a stupid romantic soap opera. There he was: absurdly running after the man he loved and was so afraid of being part of his family.
—Milo, please! Stop behaving like a little kid. It's not like the words of a baby-
—I really got to go out —even though he didn't raise his voice, Camus took a step back— I'm coming back soon.
Milo put on his mask and shoes and went outside without even taking his wallet with him.
Camus was left alone, sad and afraid that he had just lost the only man he really cared about. Hyoga sensed his father's unease and began to cry. It was his moaning that made Camus react. He wiped away a tear running down his nose and said to himself that if Milo didn't want to be a part of his children's lives, he was fine with it. Camus would find a way to get by without him. He returned to the bedroom, sat next to Isaac, and placed Hyoga between his legs.
—Where's Milo?
Camus smiled sadly and patted Isaac's head.
—He went out for a run. He'll be back soon.
Isaac nodded, though he sensed his father's uncertainty and was not entirely convinced by his words. Still, he played with him and his little brother for the rest of the evening until bedtime came. Camus was devising the logistics for bathing and tucking the children in when Milo returned home. He looked embarrassed, but did not apologize to Camus or give an explanation for his behavior. He simply limited to prepare the children and tuck them in carefully.
Camus watched silently as Milo placed a good night kiss on Hyoga's forehead. The gesture was charged with love and melancholy, as if he were sure it would be the last one he would give him.
The men left the room together and, once they closed the door behind them, Milo dropped onto the hallway floor. Nervous, Camus sat next to him.
—I'm sorry for having reacted like that — Milo mumbled. Camus sensed his excuse wasn't entirely sincere—I had to make an important decision.
Camus nodded very slowly. Here it was: his biggest fear. Milo was about to walk away from him and his children.
—Two months ago my boss offered me a job at the Australian division and I decided to accept the offer. I honestly do not know if it still stands, with everything that has happened, but if it is not with that company, it will be with another. I have decided to leave the country.
In an attempt to fight away the tears that were coming, Camus rubbed his eyes with his right hand
—Seriously, Milo? Wasn't it enough for you to leave the house? I knew you were melodramatic, but this is off charts.
—Going back to my place would mean to continue to live ten minutes away from yours. It would mean I could come back for whatever reason.
—If you want to leave, I won't stop you. If you want me not to call you ever again, I won't do it. You don't have to leave your life in Greece just because you are afraid that my children will call you dad.
—If it was that easy I would do it —he snapped—I know that you would stop looking for me if I asked you to, but I also know that I will return a hundred times because I do not have enough willpower to separate myself from the children.
—Oh, really? —Camus said mockingly—. It seemed to me that the graceful escape from a while ago was quite easy for you.
Milo pursed his lips and clicked with his mouth.
—And yet I came back just in time to bathe Isaac.
—Then, why? If you love the children so much, why do you want to leave?
The men exchanged glances for a long time. It was clear that something stopped Milo every time he was about to confess. Desperate, Camus laid his hand on his and squeezed it.
—It is not your responsibility to stay with us, but if you don't, I think the least my children deserve is an explanation.
Camus's words seemed to give Milo the strength he needed as he nodded and took a long breath.
—Listen, Camus, I can live the rest of my life knowing that you will never correspond my feelings, but to lose Isaac and Hyoga's love? That would end up killing me.
Camus listened carefully to Milo's words and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand them. It seemed to him that they were just a small piece of a huge puzzle whose color and shape were completely unknown to him.
—I don't get what you're saying —he admitted.
—Now they are still young and don't understand the situation. Now it's easy to laugh at being called "papa", to have my video conferences interrupted, and to have my peers think I'm part of their family. However, they will soon grow up and realize that this is not the case. I will stop being "papa" and I will be just Milo—Camus saw tears running down his face and he hated him for it; he felt that he was the only one with the right to cry— Even more so if you ever find a partner. Over the years I will go from being "dad" to being nobody and I don't want to experience that. I know that I'm a coward and that I threw myself into this problem, but I never expected to love Hyoga and Isaac so much. I never thought I could love someone more than I love you
Camus blinked very slowly, took a long breath of air, and knelt in front of him.
—You love me?
Milo looked at him as if he had asked the most stupid question in the entire world.
—Of course I do. Everyday more than the last.
Camus let out the breath he was holding and the enormous weight that constricted his heart suddenly lifted.
—We are a couple of idiots, —confessed Camus— but leaving the country? I think you really went overboard with that one.
—That's more reasonable than-
—You don't have to go anywhere — Camus interrupted — You can stay here, you can be Isaac and Hyoga's father —he softly laid a kiss on his lips —You can love me as much as I love you.
—Camus?
The relief he felt was not enough to suppress Camus's frustration.
—Come on, Milo. Do I have to spell it?
As soon as he finished speaking, Milo hugged him so hard he practically tackled him into the floor. They fell into the floor together and Milo began to pepper his face with kisses.
—Since when? —he asked.
—A few months.
—Why didn't you say anything?
—I thought I was seducing you.
Milo separated from him for a few seconds and laughed nervously.
—Bad idea. You've always seduced me. I would've never noticed the difference.
—You're a fool.
Camus clasped his hands behind Milo's nape and pulled him close. However, just at that moment Hyoga started crying. Milo let out a growl and parted from Camus.
—Okay, so now I love Hyoga a little less —he stood up and helped Camus to get on his feet—. I'll take care of it. You go take a bath and I'll catch up with you in a moment.
Of all the things that could have happened that day, receiving an invitation like that was in the very end of Camus' list of expectations. However, he was more than willing to accept what was being offered to him so attentively. He kissed Milo on the cheek and started walking towards his bedroom.
—I'll be waiting.
Milo flashed him a silly, charming smile that didn't go away until Hyoga let out a particularly pitiful groan. Ashamed of having been so easily distracted, he entered the nursery.
Back in his bedroom, Camus wandered nervously, but extremely happy. Milo had become an official part of his small family and although they would have to overcome many problems in the future, he knew that together they would always find the solution.
Despite the fact that the quarantine was driving him crazy and that the fear of the illness would not disappear until Camus had the vaccine for all his loved ones in his hands, at least he had gotten something good out of all that madness.
Camus was preparing himself to shower when he heard on Isaac's monitor that the toddler had also begun to cry. Reluctantly, Camus put his pajamas aside and went into the children's room.
The baths and the embraces would have to wait for a little longer.
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Author's Commentary: Milo is going to win the prize of the super dramatic boyfriend. In his defence, Australia might sound super random, but actually, after USA and Georgia it is one of the countries with the biggest Greek population outside Greece.
So, basically I wrote this story because my mother told me I shouldn't do it. The quarantine toll is hard on her and she claims it is not a subject to play with... yet. It was a jest, but I took the challenge and Ren's idea (twitter muffinalien) of Camus being an adoptive parent and Milo constantly being mistaken as one of the parents.
I know that I didn't took as much advantage of the quarantine theme as I should, but since I haven't really been quarantined (essential worker, they say), it was hard for me to focus too much on that. Besides, they had enough angst to deal with.
I didn't want to do a masterpiece, but a silly, cute story full of melodramatic angst. I hope you enjoyed it.
Thank you so much to Ren for both the idea and the English translation. Also, thank you for reading.
Cheers!