Chapter 23: The Many Lives of Tom Riddle
The rest of Ariel's night was punctuated by restless sleep and anxiety. Despite what she told Severus, she continued to agonize over her role in the rise of Lord Voldemort. How could she not? If you were told tomorrow your good intentions caused the suffering of millions, wouldn't you flay yourself with shame as well? Why did she lie then? Well, the same reason we tell ourselves we'll be a better version of ourselves tomorrow. She wanted it to be true. She wanted it to be true the same way Tom wanted her to be his biological mother.
But this double-sided life was weighing her down. She didn't know how Severus did it for so long. The constant inner ethical turmoil, the perpetual fear of being caught, the endless shame... It was enough to drive her insane and she had only done this for a few months! How could she continue going on like this? She asked herself. Ariel's mind raced until the wee hours of dawn searching for the right answers, the right plan of action.
Then, the glorious epiphany entered her mind with the same dazzling brilliance as the coming dawn. It sent her flying out of the warmth of her bed, accidentally waking Severus in the process.
"Where are you going, darling?" He asked, drowsily.
"I'll be right back," she vowed as she bent over him to plant a kiss on his forehead. He tried to ask more questions but she cut him off with a soft whisper, "Go back to bed angelfish." The wizard fell back asleep instantly. Ariel smiled at her snoring lover, went to her messenger bag pulled out an empty vial, filled it with sink water then rushed downstairs towards the fireplace.
After Voldemort dropped Draco off to Malfoy Manor (literally too; poor Draco fell ten feet from thin air just to land in a pile of mud and peacock shit), he did what he normally did when he was upset: slaughtering muggles.
Of course, no matter how many families he decimated; no matter how many lives he stomped out with a wave of his wand; no matter how much rage he poured into those killing curses; none of that assuaged the stabbing pain in his head or the implosive fear in his heart that told him he had lost Ariel for good.
It took sixteen bodies for him to admit he couldn't murder his problems away and he finally fled to the one place he knew nobody would look for him.
Physically, he was alone in that dark cave off the coast of an icy beach but mentally he was in a dark cave with two of the most annoying ghosts to ever exist.
Prepubescent Tom took it the hardest.
"I hate you!" The eight-year-old boy screamed, punching and kicking the Dark Lord who took the abuse without resistance. "This is all your fault!"
"I know." He said with a dejected sigh. He was lying flat against the wet sand, staring at the abject darkness.
"Who needs her?" An older, handsome Tom scoffed from the near distance. He was lounging in the sand, aloof. Too good for banalities like feelings. "We did just fine before and after she came along."
"Shut up! You don't know anything!" Little Tom screeched, eyes brimming with hot tears.
"Be quiet, you. Children should be seen not heard." Young Adult Tom sneered as he got from his imaginary feet to glide over his current self. "C'mon Voldemort. Chin up. Look at all you've done on your own. You're a half-blood. The bastard spawn of a silly witch and muggle scum. Yet you have purebloods worshipping your every move. You're so powerful your very name strikes fear into the hearts of millions. And in less than a year, you're going to be so powerful not even Death will be able to stop you. You've done more than most wizards will do in a thousand lifetimes. So why are you wasting time wallowing over whether or not some walking fish loves you?" Young Adult Tom punctuated his speech by shooting the child who was trying hard to rub away his tears a look of pure disgust.
But Voldemort didn't respond. His eyes were still set on the blackness above with unfocus.
"What's more important?" The young man asked, leaning closer, his eyes still narrowed on the emotional child. "Being the greatest wizard who ever lived, becoming a literal God, or being mediocre and happy?"
Without turning his head, Voldemort pulled out his wand, pointed it directly at his young adult self, and hollered, "Crucio!"
The young man disappeared in a red flash and the curse shot into the mouth of the cave-like a ballistic, colliding into the cave with a thunderous BOOM. Rock fragments rained down onto the remaining Toms but Voldemort cast a shielding spell above his head and the fragments dissolved into dust. Once the dust settled, Voldemort told the invisible child, "Don't listen to him. He doesn't know jack shit."
The ghost child glared at him, two tears in his right eye and one in the left, but he kept looking into the mouth of the cave, wondering what it would be like to be swallowed up by a black hole.
Ariel went to Malfoy manor first, thinking he would be there either torturing the Malfoys or torturing someone else at the illustrious manor.
She found, of all people, Bellatrix awake in the living room. To her stunned horror, the curly-headed witch was bent over a blood-drawn ruin, wherein the center of that symbol, sat a doll made of straw wrapped up in a frayed ash black fabric that she couldn't help but noticed matched the same color of Voldemort's robes reading from a book titled, "De Amore Libri."
"Oh, good morning Lady Ariel." Bellatrix greeted without an ounce of shame. "The Dark Lord isn't here if that's who you are looking for."
"I...guessed that," Ariel replied, still in shock. "Um...uhhhhhh...I'm going to... ignore all of this if you do me a small favor."
"Whatever it is, it would be an honor to serve the Dark Lord's mother." Bellatrix avowed rising to her feet to get uncomfortably close to Ariel, adding with a sultry whisper, "And I mean that in every way possible."
Ariel held back the urge to gag. Her breath smelled like her ass and her mouth switched places. "You know I'm dating Severus right?"
"Yeah but if you ever get sick of men..." She punctuated her sentence with a click of her tongue and a wink.
"Oh...n...no. No, thank you." Ariel said. When Bellatrix wouldn't move away, she added, "I'm going to need you to take a couple of steps back and also never do...any of that again."
"Can't blame a witch for trying," muttered Bellatrix as she backed away. From the allotted distance she asked, "What can I do for you, Lady Ariel?"
"I need you to take me somewhere."
"Where?"
They landed on a cold blustery deserted beach at the opening of a cave. In a rare moment of tact, Bellatrix left as quickly as she appeared leaving Ariel to be pelted by gelid piercing winter winds and sending her flying for the cover into the opening of the cave.
No sooner had her feet crossed the invisible threshold into the cave did the cold winds cease completely as if never existed and the freezing climate was replaced by a warm tropical atmosphere. She paused, catching her breath, allowing the cold to thaw from her body while she stared into the impenetrable darkness that lead to the bowels of the cave.
"Tom?" She called out. "Tom are you here?"
Moments later, Voldemort crossed over into the light like a ghost sliding out of one realm and into the next. He had his wand out and he wore an unreadable expression.
"How did you get here?" He asked, stiffly.
"Bellatrix dropped me off."
"Oh."
There was an awkward pause. "She's uh...got a bit of a crush on you."
He let out an exasperated sigh. "Trust me, I'm aware." He paused, looking her over. "How does your hand feel?"
She looked at the back of her hand where a thin, shallow cut the width and length of a stray cat hair remained. "Fine."
"Good."
There was a small silence then Ariel uttered the worst phrase in the English language, "Can we talk?"
He frowned, hard. "You're disowning me." He said it with the finality of someone who knew this day was coming for a long time.
"I didn't say that." But he has already turned away from her as if trying to avoid an assault. "Tom. Please. Look at me." He wouldn't turn his head. "Look at me!"
He felt his autonomy slip away from his body as his head turned towards her against his will. He tried to be vindictive and refuse her gaze, but his eyeballs betrayed him and focused on her.
She brandished a tiny translucent vial. "I'm sure you can guess what this is." She twisted the top and use a dropper to deliver precisely three drops of the clear, odorless liquid onto her tongue. She caught his eye and gave him a waiting smile.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want to be able to trust you, Tom. But I know trust goes both ways." She outstretched her hand holding the vial.
Voldemort stalled.
"Don't do it," young adult Tom hissed. "What if this is a trick?"
His free hand hovered over against his thigh, stiff with paranoia. But then he glanced down and saw his younger self clinging to her dress, pressing himself into her leg like she would fly away at any second if he didn't anchor her down. He took the vial and downed the rest of the contents in a single gulp. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the shocked look in her face.
"You really do love me, don't you?" Ariel said her voice cracked with emotions.
"I thought I made it painfully clear by now that I do." He replied, annoyed.
Ariel gave him a shiny-eyed smile. "I just like hearing it."
"Of course I—Ariel I love you more than I love anyone or anything in this entire universe. I love you more than I love myself and I love myself way too fucking much." Ariel smiled so hard her face looked like it was going to crack down the middle. "I can't believe you didn't know that by now." He said, offended.
"I always knew Tom loved me..." Ariel began. "But Lord Voldemort's a different story."
His mouth quirked like he was struggling not to cry. "Neither Tom nor Voldemort would ever hurt you."
Ariel gave him a pained look. "I want to believe you."
"I swear." He said, half-pleading. After a short beat, he insisted, "Go on. Ask me anything."
She hesitated. There was so much she wanted to ask and now that she had the chance she didn't know where to begin. She started with the one question she always wanted to know. "How many creatures have you killed?"
He pondered this question for an uncomfortably long time. "I've lost count. But if I had to guess...personally...in the tens of thousands."
"For Poseidon's sake..."
"You wanted the truth."
"I did." She paused then asked, "Is it true... is it true you made a spell that can turn people inside out?"
Inverto Homonous, he thought fondly. One of his finest inventions. "I don't want to brag but... yes. How did you hear about that?"
"Some sharks found...a few of the corpses and told the rest of the ocean."
"Oh."
Ariel went quiet for a second then asked, "Is it true about you split your soul seven times?"
"Yes."
She went quiet again then asked, voice dripping with morbid curiosity, "What's it like?"
"Imagine you broke every bone in your body at once, got set on fire and someone cuts your heart out of your chest all at the same time."
"For fucks sake, and you did that to yourself seven times?"
"I would've done more but by the seventh one I lost my nose, all my hair, I was afraid the eighth one would've costed my penis." When Ariel gave him a flummoxed look, he added, "Hey you wanted honesty. This is why I always tried to give you half-truths. At least it wasn't as disgusting as the real truth and less offensive as a bald-faced lie."
"I feel so special."
"You should."
There was a small stretch of silence.
"Okay your turn," said Ariel. "Ask me anything."
"Ask her what her favorite animal is!" Little Tom cried.
"No-no-no! Ask her if she's proud of us!" Young Adult Tom's ghost insisted. "Then ask for specifics."
"I thought you didn't care about her opinion." Little Tom retorted.
"No one was talking to you," snapped young adult Tom. To Voldemort, he said, "Ask her if she's proud of us!"
But Voldemort asked, "Do you regret not drowning me when you had the chance?"
Ariel blinked, stricken.
He didn't know where that question came from for it did not come from a place of remorse or even a niggling of regret. To him, the atrocities, the murders, the various crimes he committed or had others commit on his behalf, were all a part of this life he made for himself. But he knew what he was. At best, a soulless wretch. At worst, a monster. So, he needed to know, could she accept him? Or was she like his inner child, clinging desperately to a false memory?
"Of course not." She said softly, tears rolling down her face. "Why would you ask me—"
"I had to make sure." He said as he wordlessly conjured a handkerchief with his wand and handed it to her. "For some reason, I have a hard time believing people aren't always trying to kill me."
"I wonder why." She replied with a sarcastic laugh as she dried her face.
He chuckled briefly then went quiet for a few seconds and asked, "Did you tell Draco Malfoy the Sebastian story?"
Ariel froze with the cloth held against her face, looking guiltier than a dog with frosting all over its face.
But he was snickering and grinning broadly at her. "Why do you have such a soft spot for pathetic boys?"
Ariel smiled and gave him a two-shouldered shrug.
He smiled at her, heart aflame. "Well, those were the only things I wanted to know. Got any more questions for me?"
She had tons more. "Is it true you put a tracker on your name?"
"Yes. Although, admittedly, I only recently did so."
"Is it true you had a basilisk for a pet?"
"Yes."
Ariel's mouth fell to the floor. "You mean you had a real-life basilisk for a pet?"
"I summoned her and everything."
"What was her name?"
"Volumnia."
"Aww! I love that name."
"I miss that beast. She was a fine pet. Much better behaved than Nagini anyway."
"I thought you loved that monster."
"I do but she's such a snot most of the time."
"Just like her owner." She giggled.
Voldemort let out a hearty laugh that filled the whole cave. One that bounced off of the high ceiling and carried away by echoes and latched onto Ariel who joined in with her own hiss-like snickers. Then the laughter died and was topped with more comfortable silence.
"Why did you need that book so badly?"
"Which book?"
"The black one. The one you were looking for when we visited my sisters."
"Oh." He started but then stopped himself. He told her smiling, "That? That would be easier to just show you."
Holding his blazing wand above him like a torch, he held out his other hand for her, which she took with only small hesitation, and led her through the curtain of darkness that leads into the heart of the cave.
He was a considerate guide, letting her use him for balance, helping her over the boulders and down into the cove.
Ahead, in the lake, stood what looked like a birdbath.
It was then that Ariel caught a whiff of something sweet and pungent. Something she'd never smelled before.
He lobbed the flame protruding from his wand into the ceiling where it arched and exploded like a firecracker where the tendrils of light hung in the air and froze into the shape of a chandelier. His spell illuminated the entire cave like he created his very own sun and Ariel marveled, mouth open, at his work.
Then she looked down and saw a legion of rotted corpses standing upright and staring directly at her.
She drew a sharp breath, preparing a scream that would've blown every last one of them to smithereens, but Voldemort silenced her by taking her by the upper arm and swearing, quickly and with vehemence, "They're not going to hurt you! They're not going to hurt you!" She looked him in the face then gawked at the shambling masses of half-decomposed, half-falling-apart corpses. "Trust me. I've trained them not to."
"What the actual fuck are they?!"
"Inferi."
"You know I don't know what that means!"
"It means I," He said with a flourish of his arm, like he was an artist showing off their latest project, "Have an army of undead bodies. Who do as I command. Who attack without pain."
Ariel was utterly speechless. She merely stared at the undead army in thunderstruck agog as they groaned and rasped hungrily and roared at the irritating light and meandered about mindlessly.
"Merlin's beard," said Voldemort with a small proud chuckle, "You're speechless. I left a siren speechless."
Ariel let out a sigh of incredulity. "This—you—" She pulled her gaze away from the undead and looked at him with genuine absorption. "Wow. You really have your own undead army." She looked back at the zombies and said in soft awe, "Holy shit..."
Voldemort stood there, tall and smug, in her impressed silence.
"You always knew I'd be great in whatever I did." He said after a while. She glanced at him. He was wearing an arrogant smile.
"Truth be told I thought you'd just be a teacher or something."
He let out a wheezy little laugh. "That's exactly what I thought too. Oh... who would have guessed?"
Ariel said nothing.
"I'm glad we did this. Honestly."
Ariel's face twisted into an involuntary grin. Then she slid her hand into his and gave it a tight squeeze. "I'm glad too. Let's get out of here."
So they went.