Just when you thought I forgot.

Buckle up buckaroos. Grab yalls snack for this mere 20 pager. I think I need a snack, I'm feeling a little delirious at this point of a writing marathon. Enjoy!

Chapter 18 Miserable

The world was crumbling down around her. Tears blurred her vision. The halls of the school warped, as if looking through a fun house mirror. Riley's lungs burned, her breath was shallow, but she kept moving. She could hear Maya calling after her in the distance, but she didn't look back.

She was too humiliated.

She flung the school doors open and relished in the freedom of the fresh air, finally free from the antagonizing stares of her classmates. Without hesitating, she continued to her car and sped out of the parking lot. Not caring about the trouble she might get in for ditching school.

She felt so stupid. Stupid for believing Lucas's lies. Stupid for falling for him. Stupid for thinking love could be so perfect. Stupid for believing in fairytales. Stupid for running straight into Missy's trap.

Missy. God she must be so proud of herself.

Riley clutched at her hair as she pulled to a stoplight. The haunting image of Lucas's mugshot flickered in her mind. She was so naive. She had no idea who he was. He was a criminal. A stranger...But so sweet and caring. He built me my own movie theater for Christ's sake!

Fear bubbled in her chest. Had he been in with Missy this whole time? Was he playing some perverted game with me? There's no way….

The light turned green, breaking her train of thought. Riley sped through the town until she finally arrived home. She tore up the stairs, seeking the comfort of her bay window, but memories of Lucas tainted the room. The night he came into her room after practice to say goodnight. Her mind couldn't escape ghost of his warm arms around her. The memory stung, a fresh trail of tears fell down her cheeks. She slid to the floor in front of her bed, pulled her knees to her chest and tried to make herself seem as small as possible.

"Riley?"

She didn't lift her head at the sound of Maya's voice. Maya sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"Everyone knew Maya. I'm so stupid."

Maya rubbed her back softly. "Shh, Riles you're not stupid."

Riley lifted her head to look in Maya's eyes.

"You knew didn't you?"

Maya didn't want to speak, but her eyes said it all. Her silence was all Riley needed.

"You did. And you tried to warn me, didn't you? That's why we got into a fight when I told you about the almost kiss? Why didn't you tell me then?"

"The same reason why Lucas didn't tell you. I could see the way you were with him. I could see how much you liked him-"

Riley scoffed. "You don't know why he didn't tell me."

"I knew he'd been kicked out of school for fighting. I convinced Zay to tell me…"

"Of course Zay knew."

"...But I had no idea about the other stuff. I confronted Lucas about getting kicked out of school. He wanted to tell you himself. I told him if he didn't, I would. Riley I'm so sorry."

Riley's shoulders shook as more tears fell.

"Shhh…" Maya tried to calm her. "...you'll be okay…"

"He lied to me."

"He didn't want to hurt you, he-"

Riley cut her off. "He lied straight to my face. I asked him and he lied to me."

Maya knit her brow at her. "What are you…"

Riley sat up a little straighter, "After the concert, when we were at the after party, Missy showed up. She cornered me in the bathroom-"

"Eww"

Riley hiccuped, "she cornered me and started saying all this stuff about how I don't know Lucas. How I'm not his type. Then I got a text from an unknown number. It was the mugshot...his mugshot."

Maya's jaw dropped. "Riley, why didn't you tell me about this!"

"I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. I showed it to Lucas that night. I asked him if it was real and he lied to me. He said it was fake and I believed him. I'm so stupid."

Maya clenched her teeth. Huckleberry had no idea of the storm coming at him. She hid her anger and gripped Riley tighter as her tears picked up again.

"You're gonna be okay."

Josh held his head in his hands as he leaned against the wall outside of Riley's door. He could hear his sister's sobs and Maya's soft attempt to calm her. He didn't have to explain to his father when he and Maya sprinted out of the school after Riley, the whole school saw what happened. Cory gave him a soft nod of permission as they passed him. Josh knew his dad would handle their ditching. His mom might not be too thrilled, but surely she would understand.

He felt so conflicted. On one hand, Lucas had become one of his best friends. He was a good guy and clearly head over heals for his sister. But on the other hand, Lucas hurt her. He should want to tear him limb from limb, but couldn't bring himself to feel the anger. The Lucas was Missy talked about, was not the Lucas he knew and definitely not the Lucas he ever saw around his sister.

He lost track of time as he sat against the door. His back began to ache from the stiffness of the hardwood floor. Golden light peeked through the ornate window in the stairwell as the sun began to set. He'd missed the rest of the school day. And football practice. Coach Thompson would surely bench him for their next game.

A soft creak on the stairs pulled his attention. His parents were climbing the stairs. His mom gave him a soft knowing smile and crouched in front of him to place a comforting kiss on the top of his head.

"Ma...it's bad…"

Topanga nodded at him. "I know. We'll take it from here."

"But…"

"I can handle it. I've had my share of heartbreak before."

Josh stood, "Maya's in there."

"I would expect nothing less." Topanga smiled.

Cory gently knocked on the door before opening it. Josh waited in the hall for a minute.

"YOU KNEW?" Riley's voice practically shook the house.

Josh could hear his father's voice through the door.

"Yes, but it wasn't my place to tell you. I'm one of the teachers on his guidance team."

He decided now was a good time to head to the gym. He sent a quick text to Maya, asking if he should pick up anything for them as he left the house.

He'd tried calling her. Straight to voicemail. He'd sent her text messages. No response. Hell, he'd even tried texting Maya, but she wouldn't reply either. Lucas was at a loss as to what to do. The keys to his truck tempted him. Teasing him with the option to run. He could run to her, he could beg for her forgiveness, plead with her to let him explain. Or he could run away. He could take off in the night and drive all the way back to Texas. He could try to forget the glimmer of hope for the man he thought he could be. The man he wanted to be. Texas Lucas could slip back in an instant. He could pretend Cold Springs New York never existed.

But he couldn't. There was no forgetting Riley Matthews.

She was his nicotine. He craved her. He needed her.

Zay watched Lucas stare at the truck keys laying limply on the bench. He could see the danger creeping into Lucas's mind. He could see Texas Lucas brimming at the surface.

Zay slapped him on the back. "Come on. I'll show you how to tape up your hands."

That seemed to help bring Lucas back from his thoughts. He nodded, taking a look around the dimly lit boxing gym.

"Why did you bring me here?"

Zay grabbed a few rolls of tape out of his bag,

"Couple of reasons." He tossed a roll to Lucas, who caught it effortlessly, and started taping up his hands.

"One, to keep you out of trouble. I have no idea what stashes you snuck here with you from Texas."

Lucas fingered the tape in his hands, "My Dad got rid of them already."

Zay rolled his eyes. "Yeah I'm calling bullshit. Where are they really?"

Lucas didn't look up. "Weed's in an empty Xbox game case. Bottle of Jack in the closet. I haven't touched either of them since moving here."

Zay groaned. "I'll get rid of them for you."

He waited for Lucas to finish taping up his hands, then handed him an extra pair of boxing gloves.

"Two. You need to blow off some steam. Josh brought me here when we found out my Dad was getting deployed again. I was able to take my anger out here, in a safe…key word..." He paused for emphasis, "...controlled environment. Give Texas Lucas a safe space to escape. You don't need get high or drunk or hookup with random girls."

"I don't know if this is a good idea…"

"Come on," Zay lead him to the punching bags hanging across the room. "What's the worst thing that can happen? The punching bag's not gonna fight back, or even better, press charges."

Lucas eyed the bag. "What if I can't stop?"

Zay shook his head. "Nah, you'll stop. Trust me. Eventually you'll get tired or hungry or somethin'. Come on Rocky, give it a punch." He tapped the bag encouragingly. "Pretend it's Peter."

Peter's smirk filled his mind. Riley's shaking form. Missy's breathy laughter.

That was all it took.

Lucas's right fist slammed into the bag, the dull thud echoed off the brick walls. He let go of all his control. Texas Lucas raged against the bag. Punch after punch. Each one bringing a small wave of calm. He kept punching until his mind was clear again. Texas Lucas disappeared and he was finally just Lucas again.

His lungs ached. His breath was heaving. He let his arms fall to his sides, muscles burning, and watched the bag sway until it came to a stop.

"Huh." Zay mused. "Longer than I thought, but how do you feel?"

Lucas took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Better. Not great, but calm?"

It was a strange feeling. To let Texas Lucas take control without any hesitation. Without any repercussions. His mind felt relieved, but his heart still ached.

Lucas moved to the side, offering the bag to Zay.

"Thanks for bringing me here."

"It's what friends are for. I can see how you've changed. I know how bad you want this work. You've always had my back, now I got yours."

Lucas watched Zay throw a few punches into the bag. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Who do you picture? When you hit the bag?"

Zay laughed lightly. "Well…"

The door to the gym flung open before he could answer.

Josh froze at the sight of his friends.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Zay slammed a combination into the bag, "Same as you. Blowin' off steam."

"Nice combo." Josh nodded at the bag as he taped his hands up.

Lucas watched Josh apprehensively. He wasn't sure if being in a boxing gym with the brother of the girl who's heart he just broke was a very wise idea.

Josh finished taping his hands and joined them at the punching bag. "Did you show Lucas how to do the speed bag?"

Zay shook his head and continued to work out combinations on the heavy bag.

"Come on, I'll show you." Josh jerked his head in the direction of the speed bag.

Lucas followed him across the gym. "I'm really so-"

"Don't." Josh hissed at him. "Just don't bring it up, okay? Now, should I be beating you within an inch of your life? Yes. Will that help anything? No. So instead, I'm going to show you the speed bag because you're my friend and we're not gonna talk about it. Got it?"

He nodded. "Got it."

Lucas glanced around the hallway outside of Mr. Vector's classroom. It was nearly empty, only a few straggling students rushing to the first hour of the day. The bell was minutes from ringing, but Riley still hadn't arrived. He thought he might be able to talk to her before class, but clearly he should have known better. His eyes fell to a tall figure walking towards him. This wasn't going to be easy. She'd brought the big dogs.

Josh approached him with an apologetic look. Lucas could barely see Riley walking closely behind her brother, her arm linked with Maya's. She wouldn't look at him. Her eyes remained locked on the floor.

"Riley…"

Josh took a step towards him. "Lucas don't…"

Lucas tried to move past him, but Josh gently pushed him back.

"Riley please let me explain…"

Maya's eyes flashed with fire at him as she walked Riley to the door of the classroom.

Lucas tried to follow her, but Josh held him back again.

"I just want to talk to her."

Josh sighed, "I know."

Lucas struggled to get around him. "What are you doing?"

"Trust me. This is equally as much for your protection as hers."

Lucas stopped and gave him a confused look. "What?"

Maya waited until Riley was talking to Mr. Vector at his desk to turn back to the hall.

"Huckleberry!" She growled at Lucas.

Lucas took a step back as she lunged at him. Josh quickly grabbed her around the waist. Her feet kicked in the air as he lifted her off the ground.

"Told you." Josh groaned as Maya struggled against him. "Maya. Maya! Stop!"

"Lying son of a bitch!" Maya hissed.

Josh rolled his eyes. "Okay that's enough…"

Maya slapped at his arms, "Lemme go!"

"Let her go."

They both froze at Lucas's words.

"I don't think…" Josh started.

"Let her go." Lucas repeated.

"It's your funeral." Josh warned. He softly placed Maya on the ground and removed his arms from her waist.

She reached Lucas in two quick strides.

SMACK

The sharp crack of her hand connecting with his cheek ricocheted through the hall. Lucas rubbed his jaw, trying to ease the stinging pain in his cheek.

"Principal's office right now Miss Hart." Mr. Vector hollered from his doorway.

"Gladly." Maya sneered. She turned on a dime and took off in the opposite direction.

Josh winced. "You alright man?"

Lucas nodded, still rubbing his jaw. "I've had worse."

Josh dropped his voice, "Riley just needs some time okay? I know you want to talk to her but she needs time to process."

The bell rang. Josh took a few steps down the hall, he was going to be tardy for his first class.

"We'll talk later."

Lucas hurried through the door to AP Physics. He stopped short for a moment when he saw the empty space at his lab table.

"Lucas are you alright? Would you like to go to the nurse?" Mr Vector asked.

Lucas shook his head. "No. I'm fine."

"Alright then. Class take your seats please so we can get started." Mr Vector announced.

Lucas slid into his seat, his eyes locked on the long brown hair a few rows in front of him.

"Hi there lab partner."

His glanced shifted to the familiar voice in the chair next to him,

Farkle gave him a soft smile.

"She switched lab partners?"

Farkle nodded, not quite sure what to say. "Sorry."

Lucas shook his head, "No it's fine."

Farkle fiddled with the cover of his textbook. "For what it's worth, I don't believe the stuff Missy said about you. I don't think anybody really does."

Lucas sighed. "Well you should, because it's true."

"Wait really? Like all of it?"

"Yup"

"Even the-"

"Yup."

Lucas's eyes glanced at Riley again.

Farkle followed his gaze and thought for a moment. "She'll forgive you."

"You think so?"

"Of course. Secret of life."

Lucas knit his brow, "What?"

"Secret of life. Ask Mr. Matthews about it."

"Are you sure?"

Farkle grinned. "Trust me."

Lucas gave him a questionable look, "okay. Whatever you….oh shit."

Realization struck in his mind. He immediately stood up from his desk.

"Lucas what are you…"

But he didn't let Mr. Vector finish.

"I need to go to the nurse."

For the first time in what felt like days, Riley's chocolate eyes locked with his. They were slightly red and puffy. His chest twinged with pain that rivaled Maya's slap. He forced himself to tear his gaze away as he bolted from the room.

Lucas hurried through the halls, with no intention of going to the nurse's office. Instead, he headed in the direction of the principals office. He could see Maya sitting across from the principal's desk through the large windows lining the office.

He threw the door open without knocking.

"It was my fault!"

"Suspension…"Principal Lewis stopped mid sentence. "Lucas Friar what on earth are you doing?"

"I provoked her. In the hall this morning. That's why she slapped me. It was my fault. I deserved it."

Mr. Lewis turned to Maya. "Is this true?"

Maya scrunched up her nose in confusion. Lucas gave her a pleading look.

"Yes. It's true." She answered

"What exactly did Lucas do to cause this reaction?"

"I called her a derogatory term." Lucas answered for her.

Maya nodded in agreement.

"And I apologize for it." Lucas added. "I was out of line. It won't happen again Maya."

Maya bit the inside of her cheek, "it better not."

"Maya, consider this your formal warning and I will be contacting your guardians about this. you're dismissed. Go to class, Ms. Trollum will write you a pass."

Maya left the office without another word, but Lucas was sure she would have more for him later.

"Lucas, considering your situation and seeing as this incident occurred before school began I'm going to leave your punishment up to Coach Thompson. Your parents will be notified as well."

"Yes sir."

Mr. Lewis leaned back causally in his chair.

"First road game of the year Friday, but Franklin went 0-10 three years in a row. We shouldn't suffer much if Thompson doesn't start you."

Heat crept up Lucas's spine. His body reflexively tensed.

Mr. Lewis continued. "But, it's a tough matchup in a few weeks against Valley Heights. You keeping the team whipped into shape?"

Lucas internally groaned.

"Yes sir."

"I hear they have a vicious left tackle. Being recruited to Syracuse."

Lucas's hands balled into fists, but he tried to calm himself. This was exactly what he expected. No wonder he gets along so well with my dad. He sounds just like him.

"That's what the film looks like. Uh shouldn't I get back to class?"

"Right! Yes of course! You're dismissed. Try to stay out of trouble."

"I will sir."

Just as he anticipated, Maya was waiting for him in the hall.

"I know I deserve it, but please don't slap me again."

"Why did you do that?" Maya hissed at him.

"You can't get suspended, especially not now. Riley needs you."

Maya's face softened the slightest bit. "I'm still mad at you."

"Well, to be honest, I don't really care how you feel about me right now."

"Because I'm not Riley?"

Lucas rubbed the back of his neck. "How is she?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Oh come on!" He Threw his hands up in frustration. "I let you slap me, then took the blame for it so you wouldn't get suspended."

Maya scoffed at him. "Let me slap you?"

"Well yeah, you're like what? 5 feet tall? I'm a varsity quarterback."

Mays glared at him.

"I'm 5'2" thank you very much and might I remind you, my boy.. my uh...Josh is a boxer. And to top it all off Huckleberry, you crushed my best friend. So no. I'm not telling you shit."

The bell rang, signaling the end of first period.

"On that note." Maya whipped around, leaving Lucas alone in the hall.

"Maya said I'm supposed to punch you in your dumb Huckleberry face." Josh laughed lightly and tossed a football at Lucas.

He caught the ball, stretched his arm slightly and launched it back at Josh in a perfect spiral.

"Why am I not surprised."

Josh caught the ball again.

"What'd you do now?"

He threw the ball back again.

"I took the blame for her slapping me this morning so she wouldn't get suspended."

"So she wouldn't be separated from Riley?"

Lucas caught the ball.

"Yup. Then I think I offended her by saying I let her slap me…"

Josh laughed again. "But you did let her slap you."

"I know."

Josh held onto the ball for a moment as he thought.

"Actually...I think technically I let her slap you. Sorry about that."

"Like I said, I deserved it. Anyway, I tried asking her how Riley was and she flipped out on me. She wouldn't tell me anything."

Josh nodded. "I think she feels a little guilty for not telling Riley that she knew about your past. We all do."

Lucas sighed. "I asked Maya not to tell her."

"I know. But between you and me, Riley's hurt man. She feels humiliated. I'm pretty sure she was crying all night." Josh knew it was a rough night. Maya never came to his room. Her eyes were hooded with dark circles in the morning.

"Damnit!"

Lucas spiked the football into the ground out of anger. It rocketed high across the field. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I never wanted to hurt her. Why aren't you be mad at me too?"

Josh shrugged. "Secret of life I guess."

"Farkle said that too. He said I should ask your dad about it."

Coach Thompson's shrill whistle blasted through the air. "Huddle up let's go."

Josh jogged over to Lucas.

"Look I know you need to talk to her. I'll keep Maya distracted this evening. Try the bay window."

"Are you sure?"

"Look at it as a thanks for keeping Maya from getting suspended."

Coach Thompson blew the whistle again.

"I said huddle up!"

The team quickly huddled at the fifty yard line.

"Split into your positions and start running drills. Friar's gonna show you all what happens when I get a call from the principal for your behavior. See those stairs in the stands?" Coach Thompson pointed at the tall empty stands. "You're gonna get to know every single one of them. Start running til I say stop."

Lucas groaned. Running the stairs was absolute torture but he made his way over to them without protest. At least he had an ounce of hope to cling to, to get him through this. He was going to talk to Riley. Tonight.

But first, he had to face her father.

Lucas didn't expect to see Mr. Matthews still working in his classroom after football practice, but was surprised when he saw the him grading papers at his desk. He took a breath and knocked on the open door.

Mr. Matthews looked up at him.

"You."

Lucas opened his mouth to speak, but Cory didn't let him.

"As you can see Mr. Friar, I'm very busy trying to catch up on my grading and lesson plans. Considering my house has turned into a cycle of one dramatic episode after the next, I don't have much time to chit chat."

"I'm really sorry to bother you Mr. Matthews, but can I ask you a question?"

Cory went back to grading the paper in front of him. "I guess that depends. Are you asking Mr. Matthews the teacher or Mr. Matthews the father?"

"There's a difference?"

Cory laughed maniacally. "Ohhhh yeah there is Chotchy."

Lucas gulped. "Definitely the teacher."

Cory put down the paper and softened his tone. "Fine. Come in."

Lucas took a seat in the chair closest to Mr. Matthew's desk.

"Sir, what does the secret of life mean"

Cory grinned slightly. Maybe he was making an impression on these kids.

"Belgium 1831."

"Excuse me?"

Cory shook his head. "Nevermind. You asked about the secret of life? Well here it is." He pulled out a blank piece of paper and began to write as he spoke,

"Al washes a car in 6 minutes. Fred washes the same car in 8 minutes. How long does it take them to wash the same car together?"

Lucas furrowed his brow in confusion. "A math problem?"

"No, not a math problem." Cory answered simply.

Lucas thought it over for a moment. "Well, the logical thing to do would be to average the two times…"

"Ah…" Cory interrupted. "Like I said, not a math problem. It's a riddle. The riddle of the universe."

"A riddle?" Lucas echoed. "If it doesn't have to do with math, I guess you have to look at the other factors."

"Such as…"

Lucas thought for another minute. "Well, you can't assume Al and Fred work together the same way they work independently."

"Oh of course he's smart." Cory mumbled under his breath.

Lucas pretended he didn't hear him and cleared his throat.

"Keep talking it out." Cory encouraged him.

"Maybe Al and Fred don't get along, so it takes them longer to wash a car together. Maybe they are competitive with each other so they work faster..."

Cory grinned as he could see the puzzle pieces falling into place in Lucas's mind. "You're exactly right Lucas. People change people. Secret of life."

"People change people?"

"That's it. You want to know why I volunteered to be on your guidance team?"

Lucas shrugged.

"Because people change people. I was lucky enough to have a teacher who taught me that life lesson a very long time ago. It's why I became a teacher. When I read your transfer file this summer, I couldn't help but be reminded by someone I know very well."

Lucas's jaw fell open. He couldn't imagine Mr. Matthews acting like Texas Lucas. "You?"

Cory laughed lightly. "No, not me. My best friend Shawn. I knew you just needed a chance to find the right friends. A chance with proper guidance for your education, not your sports career. I can also admit, from what I've seen so far, you're doing well here. Your grades are good. You take AP classes. You've stayed out of trouble for the most part... "

Lucas could tell Mr. Matthews was thinking about the time he kept Riley out all night.

"...So tell me Lucas, what changed?"

Lucas didn't have to think. He knew.

"I came here Sir. I made new friends, and reconnected with an old one. But most of all, I met Riley. It's like the old me in Texas wasn't really me. I wasn't truly myself until I came here. I don't have to try to be anything here, I'm just...me? Does that make sense?"

Cory smiled knowingly at him, "Secret of Life."

Lucas's legs were dead. They trembled as he climbed the ivy-covered trellis to Riley's bay window. He ran the stairs for the entirety of the football practice. Grateful that Coach Thompson decided not to bench him for the next game, but his legs sure paid the price for it. Coach Thompson threatened to not let himself, Josh and Zay start for the remainder of the season, but surprisingly, Josh's mom stepped in. She questioned the school's recklessness with student record access and the risk of potential lawsuits because of it. Lucas was sure even his own military career father would be terrified of Topanga Matthews. His Dad didn't have much to say about what happened with Missy, his only concern was how it would affect Lucas's game. Luckily, it was his mom who had received the call today about Maya. She was livid at first, but once Lucas explained the whole story, her heart softened. His father hadn't told her what happened the day before. She pulled Lucas into a tight comforting hug.

"Don't you worry Lukey. This will all blow over. Riley will come around. As for that Missy girl…" Her southern accent thickened, "...No Ma'am. I'll be making a call to her mother. That is not how a young lady carries herself. Then I'm going to be calling your school and givin' them hell for letting her treat you this way. Announcing your private record to the whole school, who does she think she is?"

Lucas had a feeling his mom and Mrs. Matthews would get along well.

His foot slipped slightly and he clung on to the trellis. Maya was a lot lighter than he was, he wasn't sure the wooden cross-sections would hold him if he didn't hurry. He picked up the pace and finally reached the bay window. He could see Riley sitting with her back to the window, strumming her ukelele. He could barely hear her soft voice singing,

"And you can't win unless you lose…"

He gently tapped on the window.

Riley jumped, her hand flew over her heart. He clearly scared her. Her head whipped around to look at him through the window. Her jaw fell open. She hesitated for a minute, then opened it.

"Lucas? What are you doing here?" Her tone was not welcoming.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Maybe I don't want to talk to you."

"A part of you must want to talk to me, because you're not yelling for Josh, or Maya. Or your Dad." Lucas pointed out, adjusting his grip on the trellis.

Riley bit the inside of her cheek. He had a point. Why hadn't she called for someone. Why didn't she just leave the room?

"Look, Riley, can I please come in? Just for a minute? This thing doesn't feel very sturdy, I don't think it can hold my weight."

"Good."

His voice dropped to a pleading whisper, "Riley, I just want to talk. Please."

She could hear the desperation in his voice. His green eyes locked with hers, the soft meadow green she loved.

Her voice was barely more than a whisper,

"Fine."

Lucas pulled himself through the window, careful not to make too much noise. Riley waited for him, her arms stiffly crossed over her chest.

"You wanted to talk. So talk."

Lucas had built up this moment in his mind for days, but somehow it was all forgotten.

"I am so sorry for all of this Riley. I never wanted to hurt you. I..god I don't know what I thought. I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

Riley's face was stone.

"Who are you?"

"What?"

She took a step towards him, arms still crossed.

"Who are you? Did Missy convince you to do this?"

Lucas let his mouth fall open. "What? No! Riley I would never…"

"You lied to me."

"I know. I'm sorry…"

Riley shook her head at him. Tears brimmed in her eyes.

"I was falling for you Lucas. I stayed out all night with you. We kissed. We danced. We went on a first date. We told each other things we've never told anyone. I thought what we had was a fairytale. Do you think it's right to do all of this without telling me who you really are?"

"I couldn't bring myself to tell you about my past. Okay? I was...am...ashamed of myself. I'm so fucked up Riley. I came here for a fresh start. I met you, and it was like Texas Lucas never existed. I was afraid if I told you about my past, you'd be afraid of me. You'd judge me like everyone else."

"If you think I'm upset because of what you did in Texas, then I don't know you. And you don't know me."

"You know me Riley. You bring out the real me. You inspire me to be the man I want to be."

He took a step towards her, but she took a step back.

"Riley-"

"I cared about you Lucas. You can trust the people who care about you. You could have trusted me with this, but you let Missy humiliate me in front of the whole school instead."

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

Riley wiped at a tear on her cheek. "And yet, here we are."

Lucas's heart broke all over again. Every tear that fell from her eyes was like a new crack in his heart.

Her voice cracked as she spoke, "I think you should go."

Lucas nodded silently and turned toward the window, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Not yet. He turned back around and quickly strode across the room.

"What are you…"

He gently cupped her cheeks and brought his forehead to hers.

"Every single moment we shared together was real. Everything I feel for you here," he brought her hand up to rest over his heart, "is very real."

He let his eyes drift closed at the sweet sensation of her palm against his chest, "Will you ever be able to forgive me?"

He eyes opened, only to see that her's were closed as well.

Her voice was soft. "I can forgive you, but I don't know if I'll be able to trust you again."

"Please, Ri. You can trust me."

Riley's heart wrenched in her chest at the new nickname.

"I think you should go." She repeated, her eyes still closed.

Lucas pursed his lips. "Look at me, please?"

Her eyes slowly opened to meet his.

"I will always be here for you Riley. If you ever need me, for any reason. I'm here."

He fought the urge to place a soft kiss on her cheek. Instead, he let his hand fall to his side. He couldn't help himself from bringing the hand he was holding over his heart to his lips. He kissed her knuckles, before letting go.

He turned back to the open window and climbed through it without looking back. His heart couldn't handle it. If he looked at her broken, tear stained expression one more time, he'd never bring himself to leave.

AN

Wow. I have no idea where the emotion came from within me to write this chapter. Does anyone else's heart break when they read? Just me? Cool. As always, please review follow, favorite, all the things. What was your favorite part? Let me know in a review, I love reading your reviews! I'm sorry I haven't been good at updating. I've been in a rough place mentally for awhile and while it seems like our world has been thrust into a spiraling chaos of pandemic demise, my life has finally fallen into place. Things I've worked towards for years have come my way. I'm finally at a place in my life where my dreams seem possible. Irony.

Stay safe and stay home. What better time to binge read than during a quarantine?

Fun Fact: Riley is singing the song Miserable by Kacy Musgraves.

Fun Fact 2: I need a some cute Joshaya. Who agrees? I wonder how he kept her distracted…We shall see? :)

Lilly.