Hi guys, even though I'm less active and more interested in writing rarepairs these days I'm back with an Itasasu fic, as this pairing clearly hasn't left me and it will never do, since it has so much potential.
The inspiration came from this ask I received on my tumblr (avenger-hawk):
avenger(-) (/)post(/)631329594043170816(/)i(-)just(-)read(-)a(-)whump(-)prompt(-)here(-)on(-)tumblr
So if you're looking for 'positive' Itasasu I'm sorry but this is not for you. If you see Itachi as a flawless martyr this fic is not for you either.
This is a darkfic about Itasasu. There is (mild) violence physical, strong psychological violence, dynamics of power and control, dark thoughts, heavy angst. The incest part is there too, even though it's less obvious and definitely not simplistic, after all, breaking the boundary and the taboo shouldn't be simple.
It describes my own view on their personalities and dynamics, brought to an extreme in a specific context.
If you don't want to read fictional incest you shouldn't even be opening this. If you don't like the warnings I wrote so far don't read this. If you're not sure if you'd like this fic, don't read it.
And, it shouldn't even be said but some people don't get this, if you do anyway and you dislike it or you disagree, don't waste your and my time writing passive-aggressive or full on aggressive comments that I'll either ignore or reply as they deserve, which is laughing at how pathetic it is to waste time reading fics you dislike and rant against them to the author or in your tumblr (true story lol. I hope the itachi police got a life in the meantime).
So, again, if you dislike my fic, if you disagree with my characterization and dynamics, if you have whatever problem with this, don't write to me about why you do and how you see them instead cause I don't care and I'm not gonna be convinced by your different opinion lol. Just think of it as bad characterization and move on. I do the same with most fics btw.
More notes at the end of the story.
"Crushed and filled with all I found
Underneath and inside
Just to come around
More, give me more, give me more" (Fever Ray, If I Had A Heart)
"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me."
Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.
At times it was shrill and effeminate, others it was hoarse and masculine, just like that time.
Was it a week or a month ago? Hours and days overlapped in his mind.
Sasuke was getting better; the bruises were disappearing, he could speak louder, and most of it all he didn't seem traumatized.
He didn't seem to hate him.
After all there was no other choice and they both knew it.
They were proud Konoha shinobi. Even Sasuke who, after his brother was revived for good, just wanted to be with him, even back in the village, to protect it.
Orochimaru had become an enemy again, on the contrary. According to certain rumors he had associated with whatever was left of Kaguya.
Their mission was to determine how big the threat was.
It turned out that it wasn't as dangerous for Konoha as it was for them.
Orochimaru was a genius scientist; having been sealed by both brothers he had acquired deeper knowledge about sharingan and he had devised countermeasures against it. Thus he had been able to overpower them and, with Kabuto's help, he had been able to capture Sasuke.
Itachi had always something up his sleeve against every kind of opponent, but not that time. Not imagining that his brother would bring him back, he had trapped Orochimaru inside his inner world, giving away all his techniques and abilities -even those he hadn't needed to use so far.
Sasuke was squirming to no avail, blocked as he was by a seal that prevented him from fighting back or escaping. Kabuto stood behind him.
"I do have unfinished business with Konoha, but I do have more urgent unfinished business with you, Itachi. You know, we are more similar than you think."
Orochimaru was on his side, his hand on the younger's shoulder, like a talon on his prey.
"Shut up Orochimaru, you and Brother have nothing in common!" Sasuke interrupted.
"My my, you never learned good manners Sasuke...and I did try to teach you respect, especially when elders are talking..."
The snake chuckled, tightening his grip on him -he disciplined him well in fact, he just didn't tame him, as it was more satisfying to break him when he struggled.
It was the way he dealt with all his specimens.
Normally he would have punished them for interrupting. This time he didn't; Itachi noticed that he held back, not knowing if it was a positive or negative sign.
"Do you remember that when you brought me back and started to explain to me things I replied that I had seen everything from Anko's curse mark? Well, my dear, your brother sealed me with Totsuka blade, where I was supposed to be in a drunken state for eternity...but I am immune to poisons. All of them. So I was lucid, and I had full access to his inner world, let's say...do you understand what it means?"
Sasuke didn't believe him or he didn't care, he just tried to bide his time and free himself. The other didn't seem to mind. His look was almost tender, as if watching a child's play.
"I remember your indifference towards me in Konoha, a long time ago," Orochimaru continued, pointing at Itachi, "and I remember your haughtiness when you joined Akatsuki, and I remember your look of disgust when you sealed me. But don't get me wrong, I am not offended and I'm not seeking revenge".
He smirked.
"I'm seeking your true colors".
"What do you want?" Itachi asked.
"I have Sasuke here".
"And?"
No one could muster to sound both authoritative and bored at the same time, except for Itachi.
"I could torture him. I am good at it...he knows it well".
Itachi grit his teeth. Sasuke had always refused to talk about his years with the snake and he had never forced him. He wanted him to open up naturally, now that they were living together and things were peaceful for both.
"...But I won't. You will."
Itachi growled. "Why would I do that?"
"Because if you don't I will do it myself".
The first few days after were eventless.
They had no other choice, they both knew it, so they didn't mention it anymore.
Their official report to the Sixth Hokage stated that Orochimaru was not a threat to the village.
Itachi's unofficial addition to Hatake Kakashi, his former Anbu senpai and captain, was that the sannin's hostility had been sated.
"Sasuke, you should go to the hospital".
As his former sensei, Kakashi had instinctively taken a good look at Sasuke. He looked unfocused, in pain. Probably he had leaned on his older brother until his pride allowed him, as it was clearly hard for him to stand straight.
"I don't need it, it's not that bad" the boy replied impassively, the same tone he used when he was a genin and trained too hard.
That tone didn't convince the Hokage, especially when his usually protective brother supported it. That's why he spoke.
"I trust your judgement and loyalty if you say that Konoha is not in danger. Even if you're not disclosing the details of what happened, because something happened there. Something related to you, your brother and him. I respect it but I have to make sure that it won't affect your brother's efficiency, especially when you're not with him. What if I send him on a mission with Naruto and Sakura, for example?"
"I am fine and I can work with anyone" Sasuke interrupted.
"There is nothing to worry about" Itachi settled, while his brother nodded, almost subconsciously reminding them of his presence, while the elder silently mused that if his brother had been sent on mission without him this wouldn't have happened.
He was fine.
It wasn't the first time that Orochimaru did things to him.
It wasn't the first time that his former master had trapped him, or that he had positioned his finger in a new, unknown jutsu of his invention.
It wasn't the first time one of his jutsu depleted him of chakra and focus. Even if this one sent a sudden painful wave inside his muscles and veins, that made him fall on his knees, that made Kabuto grab him by the arms and lift his head by the hair.
"Nothing personal, Sasuke, you know I love you..." the sannin said, caressing his cheek, while Kabuto healed him, carefully keeping him in place.
He was fine anyway.
It wasn't the first time Orochimaru had someone else do things to him -he had told him once, he liked the sight of someone else ravaging him. Not anyone though, only the ones he chose. Like Juugo.
He was fine.
It wasn't the first time that his brother did things to him.
After all he had beaten him already when he was a child who had just lost his family -brother included- and he had beaten him again when they met at the inn, and again later, when he had been blinded by revenge and he had killed him, before knowing the truth.
This time wasn't much different.
He was fine.
Sasuke never closes doors. He didn't do it when he was a child sleeping in his own room, and he certainly doesn't do it now that they sleep in the same room, a habit they took since the brother he admired, loved and trusted was back.
He's getting dressed after a shower. His hair is slightly damp. He wore pants and he's rummaging through his drawer to find a shirt.
The criss-cross marks on his back are no longer there. Kabuto healed them when everything was over.
They were taken in a room that would have looked like a fancy private room with walls padded in silk and lights everywhere, if it weren't for the display of instruments of torture on a table.
"You must choose one or I'll choose it myself..." the sannin whispered.
"By the way," he added, too close to the older Uchiha's ear for his taste, "Everything here is under my control. Even you. So, if you try to cheat or hold back I'll know, and I'll take control".
As proof of his words, he made a seal then he raised his finger: Itachi's hand tingled and his finger moved without his consent.
"But I hope to not have to do it. I want to be entertained, not to do everything by myself".
Itachi took a whip. Curiosity sparkled in the other man's eyes.
Kabuto brought Sasuke in the center of the room, where snakes coming from all corners stretched his arms and held his legs still.
The boy looked impassive.
"I would like to order you to make him scream or I would...but screaming is for weakling and your brother is not one. He's a strong shinobi who won't scream. It will be satisfying anyway...I know him deeply, after all..."
Itachi would have liked to kill him right there but it was useless; there was something in his damn territory that blocked doujutsu. He could only comply with his requests.
So he took a deep breath and, holding the whip, positioned himself behind his brother.
Stealth is the most important trait of a shinobi, and Itachi, who became Anbu captain at 13, didn't even remember when he had mastered it -probably during the war, or right after.
He should have announced his presence but he was lost in his thoughts, so he just comes inside, to inform the younger that the laundry is dry and that's where his shirts are.
Sasuke is lost in his thoughts too, that's why he is slightly startled upon hearing his voice.
He doesn't flinch when he touches his shoulder, flinching isn't becoming for a strong shinobi -he learned not to flinch many years before, when he was Orochimaru's pupil and he had to bear all kinds of things. In fact, he learned even earlier, when he was a child whose family had been massacred by his older brother, and he couldn't afford to show everyone else that he was scared and alone.
He just tenses. Itachi feels his muscles becoming rigid under his hand.
He doesn't do it on purpose, it's a natural reflex; after all he spent 3 years with a man who wanted to take his body as a vessel -and who took it, in different ways. Itachi will never stop being enraged for this- and before that he spent a great amount of time with Naruto, who, before becoming his friend, was a rival who often found pretexts for physically attacking and groping him.
"Sorry Sasuke I didn't mean to...startle you..." the words die in Itachi's mouth. Belittling him isn't what he wants to do right now.
"I'm alright, brother," the younger replies promptly, turning towards him.
The dark bruises on his sides and stomach say otherwise.
Itachi's hand brushes a particularly dark one, like he did when they were young and his little brother tried to imitate him but hurt himself.
Unlike then, Sasuke holds his breath.
As expecting him to strike.
Orochimaru enjoyed the whipping.
He ordered Itachi to take off his shirt as well, as 'he too was a pleasant sight, almost as much as his brother', he said, licking his lips.
The younger was paler than usual, except for his bloodied back and his almost equally bloodied lower lip, that he bit every time the whip hit him, so not to make any sound, while his hands held tighter and tighter the snakes that held him still by the wrists.
Days later it happens again.
They are sparring in their garden, as they usually do, playfully challenging each other. When it's over, Sasuke's bangs are all over his face, covering his eyes.
Itachi gets closer, reaching out his hand to sweep them on the side, but his brother instinctively takes a step back.
In his eyes, a flicker of fear.
It happened already after the fight against Kabuto, when he reached to him and instead of poking him he joined their foreheads and said he'd love him always.
Sasuke's first reaction had been fear.
His heart and soul loved him deeply but his body had moved on its own, remembering their final fight, when despite death was grabbing him by the feet and pulling him away, he still pretended to want his eyes, to not love him, and he was wobbling towards him who was backing away until he was blocked by a wall of stone and he could only shake and wait for his inevitable death by the hands of his cruel brother.
This time his body does the same, this time not remembering that moment only, but also what happened in Orochimaru's lair.
"A very intense show, Itachi!" Orochimaru clapped his hands, while Kabuto healed Sasuke's back wounds -not entirely, as his master commanded.
"Or rather, a very intense beginning. Now, I want you to follow your true, deeper nature"
"What the hell do you mean?" Itachi growled, slightly panting. Whipping was a tiring activity after all. Especially when done to one's own flesh and blood.
"Oh, I think you do…" The snake said, smirking.
"You are a long distance fighter: with just one look, with just one gestire you can put your opponents in a genjutsu, as expected of a genius who loathes to get close to lower beings...and yet every time you fought your brother you did the opposite, and I know why..."
Sasuke looks up towards his former mentor, who acknowledges him briefly before turning again towards the other.
"You crave physical contact with him...every kind of physical contact. In fact, every time you hit your brother, even if you felt guilty you also felt a...rush, if you will."
"You're lying" Itachi interrupted him, but the snake chuckled.
"You are lying to yourself dear, if you really mean it. But you'll understand soon. Now go, go back to your brother!"
He jokingly dismissed the genius, then he became serious.
"...And don't hold back, or I'll take control, and I won't hold back with him".
Sasuke was on all fours, panting heavily. Itachi lifted him up and directed him towards the wall.
"I'm sorry Sasuke..." he whispered.
Sasuke gasped when his brother grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the wall. It was padded but it hurt his -deliberately- not entirely healed back.
"How classy to re-enact what you did to him at the inn...I knew that my padded walls would inspire you..." Orochimaru commented.
Snakes appeared to secure Sasuke's ankles so that his legs were slightly open and his arms were pinned above his head.
"I'm so sorry...I..." Itachi whispered again.
I have no other choice, he didn't say it again, they both knew it anyway.
"Niisan..." Sasuke managed to whisper back, before a punch in his solar plexus took all the air from his lungs.
Orochimaru clapped.
"Well done, my dear caring older brother...it's almost romantic…"
Itachi aimed his fist at his brother's stomach. The boy coughed. Exactly like during their final fight, when he stopped Sasuke's attack by pinning him against a wall and punching him.
He hated that in that very moment Orochimaru was reminded of the same memory.
He hated that Orochimaru saw all his memories.
"You don't like to use weapons on your precious little brother...only your hands, nothing else can touch him. Only you and your hands…your genius, powerful, sadistic, filthy hands..."
As the sannin speaks Itachi hits his brother again, and again, and again. Sasuke's mouth gapes open, its pained sounds almost inaudible.
A strong shinobi indeed.
"You always chose his midsection, and I know it's not only because it would be a pity to maim his pretty pale face, or because it's a pleasure to hit him there. You chose it because you want to dominate him so much that he has to rely on you for breathing...isn't it?"
Itachi glares at him.
"Isn't it what you metaphorically did to him his whole life?"
Itachi glares at him again, then he puts his mouth over Sasuke's and breathes into it, giving him air.
The younger's lungs rise spasmodically until he succeeds in synching his need for oxygen with the amount his brother in his airways.
"You could have killed him back then but you kept him alive, beating and humiliating him every time you crossed his path…"
Itachi caresses his brother's cheek with one hand as their lips part.
"You can't deny it...you weren't just acting like a villain to keep your secret from him...you had pleasure doing those bad, bad things to him..."
Again Orochimaru acted playful.
"Oh, no need to feel guilty or ashamed, I'd feel the same...like I said, we're more similar than you think, my dear genius…" He said, licking his lips.
"We're not," Itachi replied, inspecting his brother's torso with his fingers.
"You get aroused by being watched, I don't".
He placed another punch on his brother's midsection, mouthing a 'sorry' without making any sound.
Sasuke couldn't breathe properly, much less speak. He could just nod at Itachi before he hit him again, sinking his fist deep and not pulling it away.
"We do have some differences I guess, yes...For example I'd like to see you put your brother on his knees, pry his pretty mouth open and choke him with your cock, while you are...penetrating him in a different way...and I respect it, because I appreciate your fine taste for control, which I happen to have too. Just like you. See how similar we are?"
Orochimaru brushed his thighs slowly, casually, as he spoke. He would replay these scenes many times in his intimacy, he added.
Itachi felt a disgust shiver down his spine but he could do nothing against that pervert. In fact, he could only take out his frustration on the one person he loved them most. The person he would have never wanted to hit again.
After all, if he didn't go hard on his brother the snake would do it.
He had no other choice.
He grabbed Sasuke's throat and squeezed hard, yet not enough to make the show end.
"I knew you had it in you. You're what simpletons would call a 'sadistic control freak'. Even more than me...You like to control your brother so much that even his breathing must be yours...especially his breathing...especially his pain...as expected of the one who chose to spare his brother from death, condemning him to a life of solitude, manipulating him like no other..."
Orochimaru languidly said.
"I spared him from death because I love him more than my own life and I couldn't stand the thought of him dying. Solitude and lies and pain are better than not existing anymore!"
Itachi raised his voice against Orochimaru, even though he squeezed harder and punched the boy again and again, breathing inside his mouth to bring him back from unconsciousness, muttering apologies in his mouth while relentlessly hitting him, never releasing the grip on his throat.
"This is your excuse, I get it dear, after all we all have to live with our choices, don't we?"
"For example, I choose to let you go now. I enjoyed this show very much..."
The snake says smiling, while a trickle of blood oozes out of Sasuke's mouth.
It's almost too easy to fall into the darkness again.
Itachi can tell himself over and over that he had no other choice, that Sasuke agreed too, that Sasuke would have died otherwise, he can't get that weight off his chest.
The same weight he felt as his heart broke, the night of the massacre, when after slaying his clan and his parents, he beat and humiliated his little brother.
The same weight he felt in that inn, when he beat and humiliated him again.
Yet Sasuke talks to him, he cooks and does chores with him, and despite the occasional tensing, showing an innate and, unfortunately, natural fear of him, nothing shows signs of anger or worse.
His little brother still loves him more than anything and anyone.
They sleep in the same room as always, their futon attached to one another.
The first nights Sasuke slept on the side, his back facing his older brother. Later, he returned to his usual supine position.
Itachi wasn't sure if he forced himself to act calm when he got into the bed or if he really was, even though he usually read his little brother without effort. Maybe because his own mind was heavy with thoughts and feelings, which became stronger the calmer Sasuke appeared.
The elder realized that if he accused him, if he screamed and threw things and insulted him it would be easier. He would justify himself, he would explain to him. Instead he didn't receive anything of that sort because his brother trusted him and it was that trust that made him feel worse.
Besides, he doesn't just feel guilty: he is angry and ashamed and disgusted at himself.
How could he not foresee that someone who had experimented on transferring his very self in different bodies and in different ways, would resist the Totsuka blade, that even trapped he would find a way to keep his consciousness aware?
Even worse, how could he not realize that they were more similar than he would ever admit?
Both are obsessed with control.
Both used Sasuke.
Both took his body as if it belonged to them.
Both felt pleasure -aesthetic, mental, physical- from controlling his reactions, to the point of causing him pain.
That's why Orochimaru let them go so easily. He knew that torture wouldn't end with the beating.
One of the many nights where Sasuke sleeps beside him and his mind doesn't give him the forgiveness of slumber, torturing itself with the detailed replay of everything he did to his brother in Orochimaru's hideout, Itachi feels particularly troubled. His mind is gnawing at him from the inside; his body, his soul, even laying on the bed feels painful as if he's laying on a bed of nails.
He props himself on his elbows; he feels dizzy, as his body needs sleep but his brain doesn't let him. He feels tingling all over.
"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me."
Orochimaru's voice rings in his ears, and with it Sasuke's muffled sounds from back then, while those sensations become stronger and stronger, until they all disappear and he's free but at the same time he's empty and aching to feel them again.
To have his brother's neck under his fingers, his body under his own.
He tries to push the urge back with meditation, with chakra, but nothing works. He decides to get up and shamefully wash his sins away with cold water but his body moves on its own and before he knows he's straddling his brother and his hands are around his neck.
He feels better. Almost, as his body is requiring more -to put more weight on his brother, to tighten his grip.
When Sasuke opens his eyes he doesn't hide a surprised look, yet he doesn't do anything. He doesn't even ask what happened, or what he wants, or why his brother's fingers are tightening around his throat, or why his pelvis is moving on top of him, as if he's both riding him and crushing him down.
He just grabs the sheets and holds them tight.
Itachi's hand brushes his own hardened length, disgusted by himself and his body's reactions.
Orochimaru was right. He's a pervert, a monster aroused by his brother's pain and discomfort, by his pink lips open and gaping for air, by his paleness enhanced by strain, by his slender body struggling against another's weighing it down, hardening its muscles and trying to prevent it from sinking deep into him.
Not inside, but kind of.
Penetrating him in a different way, like the snake defined it.
He can't even think about doing other kinds of things to his own flesh and blood.
He isn't like Orochimaru.
He can't be like him.
His self loathing is strong yet he can't stop to rotate his hips against his own brother, his cock throbbing and twitching every time it pushes on the other's skin, and the more he hates himself the stronger he crushes the younger's body.
As if the anger he feels for himself can only be let out on the other, who just stays there, barely struggling to keep afloat the dark sea of the elder's desires.
"Say something".
Itachi's voice would appear composed to those who don't know him well, but to those who do would notice the streak of nervousness tainting it.
"Say that you hate this..."
But Sasuke doesn't obey.
Instead, he loosens his grip on the sheets and puts his hands on his brother's thighs straddling him.
"...Say that you hate me".
He takes a big breath when Itachi pulls away and hovers over him, his knees at his sides.
"Say it!"
Itachi's voice gets louder as he sinks his knee in the other's belly. Sasuke gapes for air but manages to wheeze that he won't.
"You're not like Orochimaru".
Surprised, Itachi loosens his grip on the younger's throat.
"You sacrificed everything for me..." Sasuke says between ragged breaths, "...whatever you need from me...you can take it..."
Eyes locked on the elder's he exposes his throat tilting his head to the side, and he arches his back to let the brother's knee deeper.
Itachi feels a shiver down his spine -it's what Orochimaru talked about. The rush of pleasure he gets from having total power and control over Sasuke. The arousal he gets from dominating him. From owning him, in body and mind and soul.
"Do what you want to me, brother..."
He's always been a tool after all. To avenge his clan, to become a vessel, to avenge his brother, to protect the village.
He doesn't mind if he becomes a tool for his brother's satisfaction as well.
It's an honor, he thinks while his body becomes heavier beneath the elder's and his head becomes lighter because of his fingers tight on his throat.
It's an honor, he thinks while his brother's lips seal his own and the air coming from him is the only way he has to breathe.
His biggest fears are to lose his brother and to be deemed worthless by him, like he was told the night of the massacre.
But if his brother does things to him, no matter which ones, no matter how painful, it means that he's worthy of his attention.
Of his desire, even.
It's an honor.
"I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck" (Arctic Monkeys, 505)
A/N:
I hope that those who stayed despite the warnings liked this darkfic.
It was never supposed to be soothing or cute or even bittersweet so keep it in mind. (some readers don't read notes or understand them and it shows in the comments lol that's why I repeat things)
Sasuke has been objectified many times even in canon and here it's brought to an extreme. Orochimaru used him as a tool for his "revenge" on Itachi, but also Kakashi and Itachi speak of him, in front of him, but not to him, and not to him as an equal.
Also Itachi never listened to him, only his last words acknowledged him but I think that if he was back he'd make the same mistakes even if he tried not to, because it's his mindset to think he knows better than others and especially his brother, that to protect him he must do what he think it's right. He wouldn't do it on purpose to hurt Sasuke but he'd not treat him as an equal, because he is his older brother.
On the other hand in my fics I often make 'villains' acknowledge Sasuke because they did it more than Itachi and Naruto, in a way. They manipulated him, but in order to do so they actually got to know and understand him.
(as I said, if you disagree I don't care. It's my own view in my own fic, keep your different one to yourself!)
Sasuke too basically objectifies himself in the same way, as he's been conditioned to see himself that way. This fic shows this, it shows Itachi's pov more because it's about his dark side, while Sasuke is less troubled inside, precisely because thinking of himself as not that much, not that important, only a tool for different purposes throughout canon and my fic, he sees what happens as inevitable, kind of, and he puts Itachi's needs first.
Speaking of other people's needs, Sasuke is wrongly not seen as empathic and compassionate but he is. In canon he showed understanding for Naruto's orphan condition, for Sakura's insecurity during the chuunin exams, for Team Taka and Orochimaru's prisoners and for the oppressed in general. So I think it's very IC for him to understand that the torture was against his brother and put his beloved brother's needs first, whatever they are.
The sexual element is not as sexual as most Itasasu fics here soo I have to apologize to those who wanted to read some dark smut lol.
I was loosely inspired by Tosyoen's doujinshi Aishiteiru kara Wasuremashou for the context, but the final scene and the choice to make it more weird than explicit, and to keep the tension veeery high instead of resolving it was vaguely inspired by an old Death Note doujinshi where Light dreamed to strangle L and kind of did things to him waking up. I don't even care about that ship but writing this fic it came back to my memory.
Tbh I think that being brothers they'd not go slow like in a normal relationship, as there would be nothing normal between them, but there would be a lot of tension that would be unresolved, a lot of hesitating and denying, going in circles around sexual things but not doing obviously sexual things, until passion burns them. But before that there would be a lot of not obviously sexual yet sexual stuff.
And I was inspired by canon and Itachi's ambiguous behavior. He did pin Sasuke twice during their 2 fights and he always acted in a very physical way with him lol
Itachi hates to lose, it was told in canon. I used this element for his frustration and anger here. He is ashamed of his own desires of course but he's also angry at himself for losing to Orochimaru, for being dominated by him, for being exposed by him. He's so angry that he takes out his anger and frustration not on himself, as he's not a masochist lol, but on Sasuke. It may seem paradoxical to those who have a different view of him but still, canon kinda supports this with all his hurting Sasuke to protect him.
For those who might have doubts I'm not condemning or judging Itachi's actions here. Just stating facts. I find him interesting because he's complex, same for their relationships.