I always screw myself out of everything good;

Chapter 2.

Pain; It comes in stages. For Jo she was shocked; she was hurt, beyond mad. She remembered that day just a few weeks ago when that damn letter fell into her lap. She refused to let the heartbreak get the best of her. She refused to let him ruin what she felt she deserved. Worried; she was worried about him for a month, she left countless calls for him, pleading messages for him to pick up a phone and let her in on whatever. The tough part was Jo loved Alex, she loved him fully. She would've followed him anywhere. She would've understood, stood by him through whatever was happening.

But being left in the dark. That's what frustrated her the most. She kept thinking of all the possibilities, she kept letting her inner thoughts get the best of her. It didn't help that a few cases as of late had the wife or husband cheating. Not that Jo would've ever suspected for Alex to up and leave her, to go find someone better. But the shocking reality was that's exactly what happened. She hated herself for worrying about him, for tossing and turning each night only to find out he was out there in Kansas with Izzie.

Fucking Izzie of all people. The woman who left him; abandoned him. It made no sense in her mind. Even to this day. It's been a few weeks since that letter, the divoice papers he sent. She barely slept in days. Jo refused to sleep in their bed where it brought back all these memories. She slept either in on call rooms or couches, one being Linc's or her own. She was trying to make sense of it all; why? What did she do to make him not love her enough? What did Izzie have that she didn't have? She loved him with her full heart; she stayed for him. She fought and now what she was left with broken promises.

Jo had been working a overnight; she felt drained and tired. She was just coming off a shift. She had a 16hour surgery on a 35 year old patient. She needed to keep busy, she forced herself to keep moving. If she left herself too much to her mind she would go crazy. She would care too much. The funny thing is Jo didn't hate Alex. She wanted to god she wanted to hate him. But everytime she got into her car she saw the little trash bags he put in for her chewed gum, or wrappers of morning breakfast she ate on the way to work. She hated him; but she didn't. She refused to let Alex take away the love she knew he had for her. He loved her so well, that Jo couldn't hate him.

Instead she missed him, she carried the love they shared with her everyday. It was painful, torturement, she wished she could toss away the love she had for him. But no she was left feeling lonely and lost.

She felt herself dragging her feet against the floor, until she reached the comfort of the couch. She was expecting to be met with sleep; all she wanted was to close her eyes and drift off. The second her body hit the soft comfort of the sofa in the attendings lounge she was ready. Until the blaring sound of her ring from her phone went off. Her tired body wanted to let it go to voicemail but she instead answered. She reached down into her lab coat pocket where she found the phone. Not bothering to look at the caller ID she had clicked the green button answering.

' Hello. " No answer. " Hello." Jo was confused until the line went dead. What the hell? The curiosity getting the best of her, which is why when she looked the screen her heart stopped.

Alex karev.. This had to be a dream. Why was he calling? Only to hang up. Maybe he made a mistake. Despite everything Jo still wanted to hear from him. She knew she should get up and head home. It was the right thing to do, but she felt trembling fingers dial his number back. She wanted to hear him say the words.

That he was done; that he wanted this divoice, she was being stupid. But when you loved someone you played stupid. Once the ringing started the brunette felt there was no turning back. Face your fears.

Ring.. ring.. Ring..

[Note: Thank you for all the reviews and support. Will Alex answer?]